Byron Bazaar Issue #264, Thursday 12th December 2019 by Byron Bazaar

Issue 264 • Thursday 12th December • 2019

Freekely

PHOTO BY: @THATMCROBBIEGUY

Around Town T H IS Week

Q&A A QU IC K CH

AT W IT H. ..

WORD UP

Frothy Friday and a sausage sizzle. PG 2

EAR CANDY

TAGGED IN TOWN

WELL READ

Be Merry Merry Mindful.

TAROTSCOPES

Much can be achieved this week.

Comedian Austen Tayshus. PG 19

DEAR KEENWA Thirsty AF over here.

Mind the Moon Milky Chance.

Beach stoke.

i never metaphor i didn’t like - Dr. Mardy Grothe.

Around n w o T THIS Week

SUMMER IS HERE SO TAKE TIME

to cool off with a Friday frothy at the Stone & Wood Brewery from 3pm to 6pm. All locals are welcome to join the crew for nibbles and fundraising raﬄes, and with beer sales going to the Rural Fire Service its pints with a purpose.

Then, a quick dash or Uber will get you to Byron Carols by the Sea at Apex Park for a 6:30pm start. Local choirs, schools and guest artists, maybe Santa, will get you singing for sunset. Don't forget a rug for the family, and grab a sausage sizzle for dinner thanks to Byron Rotary Club. Sustaining the community spirit, Positive Change for Marine Life has organised a clean up of Main Beach from 8:30am to 10:30am on Saturday, just rock up at Apex Park to help.

YOUR BUSINESS HERE FROM $17

Advertise your business from as little as $17/week. For more info and full rates please visit byronbazaar.com/businessclassifieds or call our helpful sales team on 0487 003 765

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LOCALS DON’T JUST LIKE THE BYRON BAZAAR - THEY LOVE IT – AND VISITORS LOOK FOR IT. ABOUT US: Serving the community since 2014 ADVERTISING RATES: Call / SMS 0487 003 765, email hello@ byronbazaar.com or go online at byronbazaar.com BUSINESS ADVERT DEADLINES: Noon Mondays CLASSIFIED AND JOB DEADLINES: Midnight Mondays INSERTS/PROGRAM DELIVERY: Enquiries welcome DISTRIBUTED TO: Byron Bay, Arts & Ind. Estate, Suffolk Park, Bangalow, Mullumbimby, Brunswick Heads, Ocean Shores and online. Found at local businesses, retailers, supermarkets, petrol stations, cafes/bars/restaurants, visitor accommodation, visitor centres. DELIVERED: Every Thursday

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This week, local hip-hop reggae rockers, Drop Legs released a new single. To celebrate, they are hitting the Byron Bay Brewery stage on Saturday from 8pm, the best things in life are free, just like this gig. It’s back to the Main Beach foreshore on Sunday for the Community Market from 8am to 3pm to get your Chrimbo gifts under control whilst supporting local artisans.

DISCLAIMER: Byron is a multicultural community, with a diversity of thoughts and views.Those expressed in the Byron Bazaar by contributors and advertisers are not necessarily shared by the publisher who cannot be held responsible for them.

PO BOX 880 · BYRON BAY TEL 0487 003 765 hello@byronbazaar.com · byronbazaar.com

Christmas calorie control, anyone? Diarise the monthly Summer Sizzler hosted by Byron Bay Runners on Tuesday from 6 pm to 7:30pm at the Cavanbah Centre to get your fitness app steps trending up. All levels, all ages from preschoolers to adults are welcome. More info at: FB – Byron Bay Runners. End the weekend with a twist at The Balcony’s weekly Drag n’ Dine from 6pm Sunday, it always gets bums on then off the seats. Queen Martini Ice is shaking the vibes whilst the bar pops the fizz for their specialty Spritz cocktails menu. Bottoms up ;)

WORDS: DAN MCGILL

TIDE WIND WAVES

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

1ft NE

9 NNW 10:29AM

18 NNE 4:54PM

2 BYRON BAZAAR

1-2ft SSE

t s a c e F r R o U F S SATURDAY

2+ft SSE

9 N 11:10AM

10 N 5:39PM

SUNDAY

2+ft SE

1-2ft SE

14 NNW 11:52AM

8 NNE 6:25PM

1+ft SE 11 NNW 12:37PM

REPORT BASED ON BYRON MAIN BEACH | For live surf cams log onto coastalwatch.com

1-2+ft S 12 N 7:15PM

LAST WEEK I DISCUSSED THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN

water supply, clouds and rain - evaporation, condensation and precipitation. It turns out despite our best efforts, supply is mostly out of our hands. This week I move to the other half of the economic model – water usage and demand. If we can’t change supply, we will have to change demand, and I have uncovered two opportunities to do this. The biggest user of water in Australia is the agricultural industry – as it should be. After all, they do feed us. The second biggest user is households. Not mining, or power, or manufacturing – households – you and me. On average each home uses about 1,000 litres of water per day. Flushing the toilet – 100 litres Showering - 600 litres Washing dishes and clothes – 200 litres Watering the lawn – 1,000 litres per hour Washing the car - 200 litres Hosing down the driveway - 100 litres Water saving opportunity #1 is obvious. We can do what many males have suggested for years. “Being clean is mean - stay dirty to save the planet.” Over the course of a year, the average Aussie drinks a lot of alcohol – about 100 litres of beer, 35 litres of wine and 5 litres of pure spirits. Cheers! But hidden behind those figures is a startling inefficiency. To create one litre of beer takes 20 litres of water. Sorry brewers, but replace beer with water and we can avoid the hangover, shower twice per day and still wash the car. If that’s bad news for brewers, what I say next will bring a shiver to the spine of the wine industry. To create one litre of wine requires 1,000 litres of water. That’s 50 times more water than beer.

We are providing an opportunity for new and emerging businesses and talented individuals to advertise their product or service for FREE

Opportunity #2 is a no brainer. “Don’t turn water into wine, turn wine into beer.” Replace the grape with the grain and we can each save 30,000 litres of water a year. That means we can bathe in beer, wash our hair in beer, wash the car with beer, and still drink ourselves silly with beer.

RIGHT HERE

This weekend, do your bit to save the planet – park the shower, slip on the lederhosen, slap on some cologne and slurp on a nicely chilled beer. Tony, Byron Bazaar

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4 BYRON BAZAAR

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WEDNESDAY

5-6:30PM

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9:30 AM HIP HOP 10:30 AM DANCEHALL

ENQUIRIES:

e: info@shirshamarie.com www.shirshamarie.com PH: 0400 558 181

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0411 634 838 STAFF XMAS PARTIES AND EVENTS

This week's mantra BE MERRY MERRY MINDFUL

During the holiday season time moves at lightning speed. It can feel like we have less time, more events to show up for and more deadlines (“get it done by Christmas” sound familiar?) We start moving fast because we sense that time is in short supply. We can accidentally get hopped up on adrenaline when we’re racing around doing errands, flitting from online sale to online sale, and flying from party to party. (Side note: Ever notice how many large, busy shops play fast music? It’s no accident. Fast music has been proven to boost sales.) But that velocity can make us feel reactive and keep us from being fully present and making decisions in line with our highest good. We might find ourselves buying shit we don’t need, saying things we don’t mean, and eating or drinking more than we normally would. The good news is that when we become conscious of this speedy, reactive energy, we can balance it and sidestep the traps of overindulgence, conflict and drama that can be the hallmarks of the holidays. For example, something as simple as taking a few breaths before you make a purchase, eat a meal, have another drink or even engage in a tense conversation with a family member can help soothe the nervous system so that we can make more conscious choices around what we buy, eat, drink and say. Use this simple breathing practice to help slow your roll and be more conscious this silly season: 1. Inhale through the nose to a count of 4. 2. Hold the breath in for a count of 4. 3. Exhale through the nose for a count of 4. 4. Hold the breath out for a count of 4. Repeat for 1-2 minutes and you'll relax your system and calm your mind. It's a simple but powerful tool to have up your sleeve! When you’re tempted to make a financial or caloric splurge - or tell your aunt what you really think- remember... stop, breathe and be merry merry mindful this year!

VOLUNTEER BEACH SURVEY OFFICERS

Positive Change for Marine Life are seeking volunteer Beach Survey Officers to help coordinate fortnightly beach cleans and data collation. Visit PCFML.ORG.AU and click “TAKE ACTION” for more information.

BYRON BAZAAR

Tarotscopes WEEKLY TAROT FORECAST

THURSDAY’S FULL MOON IN GEMINI IS

not as chatty and light-hearted as it usually would be. It gains depth by the accumulative power of a Venus/ Saturn union the night before and an approaching Venus/Pluto conjunction (exact on Saturday) in Capricorn. With Jupiter also residing in the Mountain Goat’s sign there is a pull of down-toearth gravity that favours a strategic and practical approach to all things. A Mars/ Neptune water trine (exact on Friday) adds a highly creative and inspirational flavour. This is also the perfect day for a healing session concerning your past and old family patterns that you want to work on. The overall astro-climate is ambitious, with softened hues of responsibility and commitment born out of love and respect. Much can be achieved this week, maybe in particular because the emotional waters run deep and can release powerful visions and desires. This energy must be funnelled into a worthwhile project that allows your unique, individual expression. A Jupiter/Uranus earth trine is also building (exact on Monday). This brings a new approach into any stale situation and refreshes your mind with outside-the-box ways of thinking. It may generate a genius idea that can be manifested within the next few days. For the bigger picture read your Sun, Moon and Rising signs. A Tarot card is drawn for each astrological sign.

Astrology and Tarot Forecast consultations by Gisela FOR AN APPOINTMENT: giselasunshine@gmail.com.au or text 0431 894 408

6 BYRON BAZAAR

g ARIES

The 7 of Cups symbolises wishful thinking and you may be tempted to build castles in the sky. Those around you may realise that; you might nevertheless insist that you are right. Try to curb your own excessive behaviour and watch out for old, maybe not very sustainable habits within yourself, which you are trying to hang onto.

h TAURUS

The Prince of Disks has much in common with the Bull. They both are tenacious, hard-working and able to patiently take care of all the little things that add up to make their world more stable and predictable. This is a week for taking care of details and wrapping up loose ends.

i GEMINI

The Full Moon time in combination with the 8 of Wands drawn might make your mind extremely fast and relentless. It does not give you much of a break to contemplate issues to their full depth. You might feel drawn to make hasty and impulsive decisions that you could regret later. Slow down…

j CANCER

The Strength Tarot card generates great courage and zest for life that catapults you out of your comfort zone into new adventures. With renewed passion you move to improve your physical and emotional well-being. Your inner strength manifests in the world as ability to create what you truly desire.

BY GISELA

k LEO

The Hanged Man Tarot card is not an easy card to handle for the normally selfassured Leo. If life is less than satisfying right now it is time to contemplate complete surrender. That would involve letting go of some old, highly repetitive and limiting patterns, that have been restricting you for a long time. This may feel like the crucifixion of the ego, but it is really just gaining a different perspective…

l VIRGO

With the 3 of Cups drawn your heart is happy and your cup is more than full, it is overflowing! You have so much to offer and you also get very good at being on the receiving side of any blessings that come your way. Enjoy this week and maybe you’d like to celebrate life with friends and family.

a LIBRA

The Queen of Cups is in touch with her emotions; she loves a peaceful and nurturing environment. With her by your side you need time out to feel yourself and trust your inner knowing and guidance that come straight from your heart. This relieves your potentially overactive mind that has trouble making decisions.

b SCORPIO

The 8 of Swords indicates strained relationships with people who cross your path, in particular if they want to manipulate you or take control. That does not sit right with you, it may feel like a disturbance of your privacy or infringement of your power and it may create a lot of inner turmoil. Wait things out for a while and don’t get too reactive for now.

c SAGITTARIUS

The 7 of Wands is all about asserting yourself and calling the shots. That is not a problem for you usually, but during this week you might have to hold out against undue pressure, especially during the Full Moon time. Honour your vision, stand by what you value and don’t take any challenges as personal insults; they are not!

d CAPRICORN

The Empress Tarot card symbolises feminine leadership. Regardless of your gender you may feel a new soft and nurturing quality arising from deep inside. You are more in touch with nature’s rhythms and with what is going on around you. Your responses reflect your mature wisdom and delicate tenderness.

e AQUARIUS

The 4 of Wands speaks of endings and beginnings. Before you open a new chapter in your book of life it is worthwhile celebrating and recognising your success. Don’t just move on in a hurry; you could deprive yourself of much joy and satisfaction about how far you have come already.

f PISCES

The Ace of Wands offers the tremendous gift of endless, unrestrained energy; it needs to be channelled into creative self-exploration or it could turn destructive. This is an exciting, fired-up and passionate week, use it well and propel yourself forward in exactly the way you want to, no ifs or buts…

a w n e r e a e K D om AncienTHtE Wisd er Grain Moth FR OM

DEAR KEENWA, I’m a Koala. Thirsty AF over here (and you thought herpes was bad). Big shout out to all those that have chauffeured me and my babes around over the last few weeks. But what we'll really need is a place to crash after we recover. Any ideas? Ideally away from the road, panoramic views, creek front, and lots of trees. P.S Is it ever gunna rain again? - Can’t Bear it

DEAR CAN’T BEAR IT, Back in the day when man worked for nature, as opposed to competing with it, back-burning was all the rage. This ancient practice reduces the prospect of periodic wildfires, enhances biodiversity, increases the resilience of the landscape, and substantially reduces carbon emissions. Beyond the ecological effects, it also brings our First Nations people back onto their land to manage it. As the incredible Professor Aileen RobertsonMoreton said recently, until we make Mother Earth our priority we may just all die of thirst.

DEAR KEENWA, I'm a teenage boy with an interest in entering a conscious relationship. What’s the best way to go about it? Where do the concious women hang out? Or shall I refer to them as shakti? I've heard Byron is the place to bag one. What do they want from us? - Puberty Purples

DEAR PUBERTY PURPLES, They sure don't call The Shire the meeting place for lols. In retrospect, The Commitment Place would have been much more manageable. First step is to simply attend any environmental rally on the calendar, and keep your eyes peeled bro. Then it's all a matter of the gift of burning Palo Santo as foreplay, and gifting a chakra massage for Christmas. It's a lot of 'I' statements when communicating (yep, even telepathically). And a lot of workshops. I mean, A LOT. So I hope you have a full time job that allows you to meditate, and explore your shadow at lunch break.

HAVE A QUESTION FOR KEENWA?

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This week's recommendation

ALBUM TITLE: Mind the Moon ARTIST: Milky Chance RELEASED: November 2019 GENRE: Folktronica BIO: “Dancin' on do the boogie all night long, stoned

in paradise, shouldn't talk about it”, sounds like a big night in Byron right? It is also the lyrics to Milky Chance’s 2013/14 breakthrough international hit Stolen Dance that launched the duo of high school friends to stardom. Now, Germany’s favourite folk genre twisters are back with their 3rd long-player. WHAT TO EXPECT: A top tapping beat with an uncomplicated soundclash of styles. It is playful, earthy and eccentric across all 12 tracks. WHAT WE LIKE: Stolen Dance is such a memorable song that it is hard not to make comparisons to new material against their leftfield D-Floor filler. Mind the Moon often stays close to that form with a four to the floor beat pulsating across the album. Just as that tempo becomes repetitive the boogie switches thanks to a cameo from Tash Sultana on the reggaeinfluenced Day Dreaming. Ladysmith Black Mambazo, the famed South African choir who famously toured on Paul Simon’s Graceland tour adds their moving vocal harmonics on Garden of Eden. The combo of acoustic instruments and electronic influences is not overcooked, nor is it too raw, the jamming like nature of 2 musos in the studio making music they like is captured. Melting pots of beats, reggae, folk, and canny songwriting comes together for a good time vibe. STANDOUT TRACKS: We Didn’t Make It To The Moon, Right from Here. PERFECT FOR: Bustin a move outside Santos in Mullum, before lounging it in your white van at The Wreck. Jammin' till the jam is through. LISTEN IN IF YOU LIKE: Group Love, Chet Faker/Nick Murphy, The Police, Bob Marley. Recommended by Dan McGill.

8 BYRON BAZAAR

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Gig GUIDE

THURSDAY 12 FUNKED UP TRIVIA Happy Hour from 6 till 8pm and $5 Nachos (meat and vege options) between 7:30 and 8:30pm

FRIDAY 13

SATURDAY 14

$100 CASH POOL COMP Happy Hour from 6 till 8pm and $5 Chicken or Vege Caeser between 7:30 & 8.30pm

KARAOKE PARTY 8PM Happy Hour from 6 till 8pm $5 Chilli Con Carne or Vege Stew between 7:30 and 8:30pm

SUNDAY 15 SUNDAY SESSIONS Happy Hour from 6 till 8pm and BBQ Meat or Veggie lunch between 2:30 and 3:30pm

MONDAY 16 JELLY WRESTLING COMP FROM 8PM Happy Hour from 6 till 8pm and $5 Spag Bol / Roast Vege option 7:30 - 8:30pm

TUESDAY 17

WEDNESDAY 18

KARAOKE 8PM Happy Hour from 6 till 8pm and $5 Moroccan Spiced Chicken or Tofu between 7:30 and 8:30pm

PING PONG COMP 8PM Happy Hour from 6 till 8pm and $5 Tuna or Vege pasta bake between 7:30 and 8:30pm

HIP-HOP HOORAY Live DJs bumping the best Hip-Hop and RnB all night 8pm

SURFBOARD GIVEAWAY Make a purchase + go in the draw to WIN a Morning Of The Earth board! MY HAPPY PLACE 8pm

HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 6-8PM | DRINK SPECIALS FROM $4 DISCO-TECH With DJ MyHappyPlace, Disco, Nu Disco & Techno all night 8pm

HAPPY HOUR All house spirits + tap beer $6 8-10pm

A BANGIN' ROTATION CLOSED OF LOCAL DJS behind GONE SURFING the decks FREE RIDES Call the Kombi for a ride to Woodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s! 0429 819 372

4:20 SOUND REGGAE AFTERPARTY At the shack

CHECK OUT THE LATEST PHOTOS ON FACEBOOK.COM/WOODYLOVESBYRONBAY THUNDER FOX 8pm

JON J BRADLEY 5pm PINK ZINC 9pm

DJ LONGTIME 5pm RHTYHM AND CUTLOOSE 9pm

NICKYT BOMBA & 4:20 SOUND REGGAE 8pm FRIENDS 4:30pm MVMT SUMMER SERIES 7:30pm

GUY KACHEL 8pm

DOS LOONA 8pm

$6 BEER + WINE MON - THU 4PM - 6PM & $12 COCKTAILS ALL DAY MON - THURS | BEACH HOTEL 8AM - LATE | GREEN ROOM 4PM - LATE DAILY EARLY BIRD & ARVO BIRD HAPPY HOURS Beer & Burger Deal $20

LIVE MUSIC w SARAH GRANT from 7pm

OPEN MIC NIGHT 6pm BUY A MEAL FOR $16+ on Sat/Sun to receive a 2-4-1 Meal Voucher for Mon/Tues.

LIVE MUSIC w NATHAN KAYE from 5pm Local's Draw Winter Whales Meat Raffle

'RIDE IN STYLE' DAILY Lunch Deal Return Solar Train Ticket, Lunch and Stone & Wood Beer for $25 Beer and Burger Deal $20

STEWY'S TRIVIA DAILY HAPPY HOUR 6.30pm FREE Early Bird 10am - Noon Beer and Burger Deal $20 Arvo Bird 430 - 630pm 2 4 1 meals on Mon/Tues with Voucher

OPEN 10:30AM TO 10PM SUN to THURS & 10:30AM to 12AM FRI to SAT - 61 BAYSHORE DRIVE - FOR FREE COURTESY BUS CALL 02 6685 6500 2 FOR 1 PIZZA from 5pm MEMBERS DRAW

LIVE MUSIC w BROADFOOT 6:30pm FREE BBQ 4-6pm

LIVE MUSIC w PINK ZINC 7pm

LIVE MUSIC w THE LYRICAL 4pm

UPCOMING EVENTS DEC 19 100 Hams Christmas Raffle DEC 31 Bullhorn NYE Party

$12 SCHNITZEL NIGHT

TRIVIA NIGHT 6pm STEAK NIGHT

02 6685 1236 | FOR MORE INFO, MENUS AND MORE VISIT WWW.HOTELBRUNSWICK.COM.AU FILL YOUR VENUE. List your gigs / events / happy hours / food etc. here. FOR INFO SMS/CALL 0487 003 765

TREEHOUSE THE RAILS

10 BYRON BAZAAR

FILL YOUR VENUE. List your gigs / events / happy hours / food etc. here. FOR INFO SMS/CALL 0487 003 765

ALISHA TODD 7:30pm

153 EAST 7:30pm

JORDAN MCROBBIE 7:30pm

DJS JEZZA J & VINNIE LADUCE lunch-late

VINNIE LADUCE 6:30pm-Late

OLI WRIGHT 6:30pm-Late

OOZ

THE VELVET ROPE

FLASKAS

JAMIE ASHFORTH TRIO

BENNY WHISKEY

JON J BRADLEY

JAMIE ASHFORTH

Gig GUIDE

THURSDAY 12 THE ANIMALS 7pm

FRIDAY 13 DOS BOY + DOM CORK + L33ZE + DREDUB + KURT KING 7pm

SATURDAY 14 DROP LEGS 8pm

SUNDAY 15

MONDAY 16

BEN WALSH & SWANNY 4pm

TUESDAY 17

WEDNESDAY 18

FRESH BEERS & TASTY BURGERS INCLUDING: The Notorius P.I.G The Spice Girl Veg Zeppelin Jackalicious

OPEN MIC NIGHT W/ HARRY NICHOLS 7.30pm

OPEN WEDS-SUN FROM 12PM | BYRONBAYBREWERY.COM.AU | 02 6639 6100 | 1 SKINNERS SHOOT RD

THE NORTHERN LIVE MUSIC 7pm

MEETING ROOMS FOR HIRE. CHECK THE WEBSITE FOR DETAILS BYRONCENTRE.COM.AU

SENIORS DRUMMING, 10.30am

SENIORS CHOIR, 10am SENIORS UKELE CLASS, 11.30am

FERGO

MARSHALL OKELL

JAZZ IN THE RESTAURANT

OPEN MIC NIGHT 7pm

TRIVIA - FREE ENTRY 7pm

LIVE MUSIC 7pm

Tricky Trivia Answers - Questions on page 15

Crossword Answers - Crossword on page 11 5. SMITHERS 7. QUIMBY 9. APU

BANGALOW HOTEL

THIS IS US 2019 - INSPIRE DANCE STUDIO, 6pm NEXT SUN 22 DEC: Van Gogh & Japan Exhibition On Screen, 3pm

10. SNOWBALL

THIS IS US 2019 - INSPIRE DANCE STUDIO, 6pm NEXT SAT 21 DEC: Entropy - Brisbane Ballet, 1.30pm & 7.30pm

DOWN 2. MAGGIE 4. MOLEMAN

NEXT FRI 20 DEC: Hooroo - Nick Colbey Surf Film, 5.30pm & 7pm FOR MORE INFO ON ALL EVENTS AND TO BUY TICKETS VISIT BYRONCENTRE.COM.AU

ACROSS 1. HOMER 3. WIGGUM 6. JEBEDIAH 8. FLANDERS

KEVIN JAMES FULL MOON CHANTING CIRCLE, 7pm ARRIVE EARLY & HAVE A DRINK AT THE THEATRE EVENTS BAR. OPEN 1HR BEFORE ALL EVENTS.

1. B, VEGETABLES. 2. C, 8 MINUTES. 3. FALSE, IT WAS "THE APPLE COLLECTION"

4. 5. 6. 7.

C, MONACO. TRUE. B, LOLLIES. A, MT. THOR.

8. A, WRITTEN BY HIM. 9. B, 100, 000 GOLF BALLS. 10. C, 200, 000.

Crossword Fun for young and old

SIMPSONS SEASON ACROSS

1. Big lovable dopey dad 3. Police chief .... 6. Springfields founder, .... Springfield 8. Hi diddly ho neighborino 10. 5 cats all named

DOWN

2. The third born Simpson 4. Man gets hit in groin with ball, by Hans .... 5. Burns' love sick sidekick 7. Vote stupid, vote Mayor 9. The Kwik-E-Mart shopkeep

Answers Above BYRON BAZAAR

12 BYRON BAZAAR

7. PASTEL DESIGNS

New range instore and online now! Locally designed, ethically made women’s clothing and jewellery. Unique bohemian and vintage inspired prints and styles. Open Mon-Friday 10am-4pm, Sat 10am-2pm @shoppasteldesigns

1. MR VINTAGE

8,9. HURRICANE SKATE / DAILY PRINTING

2. FOSSIL VINTAGE

10. RUGGED LUXURY

3. STONE & WOOD BREWERY

11. BYRON FARMERS MARKET

4. B-LINE AUTO

12. BARRIO BYRON BAY

5. C&C KITCHENS & BATHROOMS

13. CIRCUS ARTS

6. SOLE BROS

14. NEEDESSENTIALS

Unique and affordable Men's and Women's Vintage Clothing. mrvintageaustralia.com.au

Hand selected, premier vintage and industrial furniture imported from Europe from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. fossilvintage.com.au

Drop into local independent brewery Stone & Wood for a beer, lunch or a tour, and learn about their approach to brewing and conscious business. stoneandwood.com.au

Your local auto parts store. Lots of parts and friendly service. Mon-Fri 7:30am-5pm. b-lineauto.com.au 02 6686 0588.

Custom quality at affordable prices. Showroom open Mon-Thu 9 to 5 (4pm Fridays). 02 6608 0522 cckitchens.com.au

Largest range of Birkenstock’s in Byron Bay! Quality footwear and accessories for ladies and gents. @solebrosbyronbay

Stocking local and major skate brands. Boards, accessories, clothing, shoes, protective gear. hurricaneskatesupply.com.au Custom apparel, flyers, signage and more dailyprintingsolutions.com.au 0438 420 064

Handcrafted Australian made leather luggage & accessories. Leather and Craft Supplies. 0401 203 603 ruggedluxury.com

Byron Farmers Market has the freshest range of locally grown produce direct from our farmers every Thursday 7-11am at the Cavanbah Centre, along with great coffee, live music and free parking.

Wood-fired oven, charcoal grill, meat, fish, salads, natural wines, local beers, cocktails & St Ali coffee. Mon-Sat 7am-9pm @barriobyronbay

Byron’s own circus school. Famous high flying trapeze and circus classes for kids and adults. Indoor climbing wall, kids play space and café serving great coffee and healthy homemade food. Mon–Sat. circusarts.com.au

needessentials makes the highest grade wetsuits and surfing accessories at a fraction of the cost. We only use the most premium materials, components and manufacturing. Visit our showroom. Ph: 0488227456

BYRON BAZAAR

d a e R l l e W

OUR BEACH B

BOOKS FOR Y

This week's review

TITLE: i never metaphor i didn’t like AUTHOR: Dr. Mardy Grothe NUMBER OF PAGES: 202 EST. READ TIME: 11 years and 3 months PRICE: $19.95 WHAT IT'S ABOUT: Described as “a comprehensive

compilation of history’s greatest analogies, metaphors, and similes”, Dr. Grothe takes the reader on a journey through the thinking behind over 2,000 metaphorical thoughts. Despite sounding like an invitation to a rather grand banquet, this book is more like a simple but tasty peanut butter sandwich, with hundreds and thousands sprinkles for colour and texture.

WHO IT'S FOR: Anyone who likes to have a book on hand to thumb through when looking for a smile, some guidance, or perhaps a little inspiration, without feeling guilty about not reading it through to the end.

WHY YOU SHOULD READ IT: This neat little book has

been sitting on my bookshelf for over 10 years, with occasional travels onto the couch, into the beach bag, or placed into the overhead locker, whenever a bit of intellectual, but highly entertaining reading is on the menu. With chapters on humour, politics, insults, love, relationships, sex, sports, stage & screen, there is something in here for everyone. You can’t help but be impressed by the ability of a writer to take a statement of fact, like adolescence is a time of great turmoil, and through the use of metaphor and analogy, turn it into something as memorable as adolescence is a kind of emotional seasickness. Who could argue with that!

NOTABLE QUOTE: Two that I really like – “A bikini is like

a barbed wire fence. It protects the property without disturbing the view” – Joey Adams; and “A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled” – Barnett Cocks. This week's review written by Tony

14 BYRON BAZAAR

a i v i r y T k c i Tr PG 1 Answers 1

1. The U.S. Supreme Court has previously ruled that tomatoes are what? A. Illegal on Sundays B. Vegetables C. A fruit 2. How long does it take light from the Sun to reach us here on Earth? A. 30 seconds B. 3 minutes C. 8 minutes 3. In 1986, one year after Steve Jobs resigned as chairman, Apple launched a clothing line called “Not Far From The Tree”. True or false? 4. With a population of 37,308 and an area less than 1 square mile, what is the most densely populated nation in the world? A. The Vatican B. Liechtenstein C. Monaco 5. There are seven different villages in Denmark, Sweden, and Norway with the name Å (it translates to “river” in Scandinavian languages). True or false? 6. In the last row of the U.S. Senate Chamber, there is a desk that is always stocked with what? A. Guns B. Lollies C. Whiskey

YOUR BUSINESS HERE FROM $17

Advertise your business from as little as $17/week. For more info and full rates please visit byronbazaar.com/businessclassifieds or call our helpful sales team on 0487 003 765

7. What mountain on Baffin Island, Canada, has Earth’s greatest sheer vertical drop of 1, 250 mtrs? A. Mt. Thor B. Mt. Dropbear C. Mt. Teralba 8. Barry Manilow’s hit, “I Write the Songs”, wasn’t what? A. Written by him B. About his wife C. About writing songs 9. In 2009, Scottish scientists searching for the Loch Ness Monster found what instead? A. A Russian submarine B. 100, 000 golf balls C. An underwater castle 10. A single cow can make roughly how many glasses of milk in a lifetime? A. 50, 000 B. 100, 000 C. 200, 000

BYRON BAZAAR

DINING GUIDE

Farmers Markets We are blessed to live in some of the greenest most lush landscapes in Australia and with that comes fantastic growing conditions. With a number of fresh food markets across the shire, local, organic and all round delicious food is only a short distance away. Here are some of the amazing weekly locations where you can fill the pantries and your belly.

High above the hustle and bustle of Byron Bay, Balcony Bar & Oyster Co. is the best place to pair people watching with freshly shucked oysters, cocktails and live music. Under the direction of Executive Chef Sean Connolly, the food ethos here is all about fresh, simple, honest flavours.

DAILY

New Brighton Farmers Market 8am - 11am

Sunset happy hour. $6 selected beers, wine and spirits. $13 selected cocktails $12 Espresso Martinis.

WEDNESDAYS

MONDAY

TUESDAYS

4pm-6pm 9:30pm-close

Murwillumbah Farmers Market 7am - 11am

Pasta pop up. Homemade pasta & matching wine $30 / $25 for members

THURSDAYS

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

FRIDAYS

5pm-6pm

Oyster Hour – freshly shucked oysters $1.50

THURSDAY

Mullumbimby Farmers Market 7am - 11am

from 7pm

Live Local Music

SATURDAYS

SATURDAY

Bangalow Farmers Market 7am - 11am Lismore Farmers Market 8am - 11:30am

from 9am

Bottomless Bellini's for 2 hours $29

SUNDAY

from 10am from 4pm from 7pm

Bottomless Bellini's for 2 hours $29 Live Local Music Drag 'n' Dine

SUNDAYS Ballina Missingham Farmers 6-11am

A Cnr of Lawson & Jonson St P 02 6680 9666 W balcony.com.au

Head chef Ben Boman and his team have launched their new seasonal menu, with some amazing local produce at affordable prices. We have a range of bar snacks, health bowls & home-made burgers to choose from, as well as a fully licenced bar and heated poolside beer garden.

SLIDERS

$4.50ea

Americano - beef, cheese, AQ Sauce Teriyaki Tofu - pickled kimchi (v)

DUCK PANCAKES

Cucumber strips, hoisin sauce, Vietnamese Salad

$12.50

BANGERS & MASH

$16.50

STICKY PORK FRIED RICE

$16.50

Pork & fennel sausages, creamy mash, peas, onion gravy Peas, shallots, beansprouts, capsicum, bok choy, kimchi, chilli soy dressing

TERIYAKI TOFU BURGER (V, VN, GF OPTION)

Cucumber, beansprouts, lettuce, carrot, kimchi, chilli jam

CAJUN CHICKEN SANDWICH

Bacon jam, melted cheese, iceberg lettuce, tomato, onions, chipotle aioli

16 BYRON BAZAAR

lunch & dinner

Moules Frites. Mussels and bottomless shoestring fries $35 / $30 for members

Byron Bay Farmers Market 7am - 11am Note: location now Cavanbah Centre

A 16 Lawson Street (next to Library) P 02 6685 7663 W aquariusbyronbay.com.au

lunch & dinner

OPEN 7 Days

2pm-late Mon-Fri 12pm-late Sat-Sun

$15.50 $16.50

OPEN Mon - Fri 12pm until late Sat and Sun 9am until late

Grab a seat on our balcony in Mercato on Byron and get ready to sing along to some jukebox tunes. Unashamedly Tex-Mex, our value-packed, crowd-pleasing menu caters to everyone, including vegetarian, vegan and glutenfree diners. Kick-back with one of our fabulous giant margaritas, don a colourful sombrero and enjoy unlimited FREE corn chips and salsas.

HAPPY HOUR

$7.50 margaritas, 500ml beer or cider, house wines & tequilas.

WEEKLY SPECIALS

Mon-Fri 4-6pm

TUESDAY $2 tacos all day. Selected tacos include: barbeque chicken, cheeseburger and vegetarian Vegan and GF options available.

12pm 'till late

WEDNESDAY 10 cent chicken wings with the 12pm 'till late purchase of a 24oz margarita or 500ml of tap beer. THURSDAY 1/2 price fajitas. Choose between 12pm 'till late spiced adobo chicken, lime & pepper steak or confit portobello Vegan and GF options available

LUNCH SPECIAL

Burrito & 300ml Beer $15. Choose between chicken, beef or vegetarian burritos Vegan and GF options available

WEEKEND SPECIAL

Mon-Fri 12-3pm Fri - Sun

Tex Mex Fiesta We are offering you and your friends a three course share style Tex-Mex Fiesta menu that includes two hours of signature margaritas, beer and wine for $79pp! A 108-114 Jonson St, LVL 1 @ Mercato P 02 9259 5600 W elcaminocantina.com.au

OPEN Mon-Sat 12pm-late Sun 12pm-10pm

We are a part of a plant based movement and invite you to join us on our expedition to Save the Earth one Brussel Sprout at a time

OUR MENU IS BEST ENJOYED WHEN SHARED CHEESY GARLIC BREAD KONJAC CALAMARI STRIPS CAPER AND DILL MAYO BEER BATTERED ‘PRAWN’ TACOS, Miso Guacamole, Slaw, Plum Sauce

$15

ENOKI, PORTOBELLO AND BYRON BAY OYSTER MUSHROOMS with Garlic + Scallion Glaze. DUK PANCAKES - Cucumber, Spring Onion, Hoisin

Sauce.

CHICK'N SKEWERS, SATAY SAUCE (5) CARBONARA made with our Creamy Cashew Sauce,

White Wine Reduction and Faux Bacon topped with Pulled King Oyster Mushrooms

OVEN ROASTED MISO GLAZED EGGPLANT AND PUMPKIN, Wild Rice and Grilled Bok Choy VEGAN CHEESE BOARD With a selection of Dilectio Camembert and Blue Cheese, No Bones Activated Almond Ricotta, Soft Goats Cheese coated in Dill and Pink Pepper, Byron Bay Salt and Seed Crackers, Warm Bread and Fresh.

A 11 Fletcher Street, Byron Bay P 02 6680 7418 I @nobonesbyronbay

$12 $16 $8ea

$4ea $12

$29 $27 $30

OPEN Every night from 5pm W nobonesbyronbay.com.au

Enjoy a fresh take on fish and chips that lets you tick the healthy eating box alongside your traditional favourites. Fresh daily fish and salads. Relaxed vibe with friendly staff, cool tunes and affordable menu with something for everyone. A hit with the locals, we know you’ll love it!

THE OLD SCHOOL

$13.00

THE BAY

$15.00

GRILLED FISH PACK

$15.50

GRILLED SEAFOOD AND SALAD

$18.50

Fillet of flake, chips, lemon & tartare Fillet of flake, 2 calamari rings, potato scallop, chips, lemon & tartare Grilled fish of the day with rice or chips & standard salad Grilled fish of the day, salad, calamari & prawns marinated with Mediterranean flavours

SALT & PEPPER OR CHARGRILLED CALAMARI KALE, SPINACH & BROCCOLI SUPER SALAD THE NEW SCHOOL

$10.50 / $15.90

$9.50 / $11.50

2 Plant based Fishless Fish Fillets, sweet potato wedges, lemon and aioli

PLANT BASED HUNKY BOWL

Fishless Fish, broccoli, red cabbage, cucumber, edamame, corn, red pepper and rice A 109 Jonson St (opposite Woolies) P 02 6680 7985 W hunkydory.com.au

OPEN Open 7 days 11am - 9pm Dine in / takeaway

$18.50

$24.90

Community

Notice BOARD What’s Happening In Our Community

SCRABBLE PLAYERS. New to area and would like to join local scrabble group or start a new group . Contact fidgetbriget@gmail.com

HOBO HOMESTEAD’S LAST WEDNESDAY WORKSHOPS of 2019 brings you

The School of Intuitive Arts. This Wednesday, Dec 18 from 5pm8pm delve into a unique experience of tapping into ancient healing arts that will fire up your intuitive intelligence, dance with your psychic anatomy & activate your magic. In this workshop you will learn classic healing techniques you can do with your bare hands as they will guide you into a space where inner connection, receiving messages and beautiful transformation takes place. Space is limited, to confirm your spot please text Tatianna 0449 565 059

HEART FOR THE LAND COMMUNITY FUNDRAISER Come gather, eat and dance

with us as together we raise money for the Bushfire Disaster Appeal. BBQ Fundraiser at The YAC, 6-10pm, Sat 14 December. Featuring local musicians. More info: FB event page.

V-DAY BYRON BAY 14TH FEBRUARY 2020 Seeking social media savvy

volunteer to help promote V-Day events on social media as part of the global action to end violence towards women and children. Contact Stroma on 0438 930 901

KEYS FOUND MULLUMBIMBY Lost keys found at mullumbimby soccer

Main Beach - Right side of Surf Club when looking at the beach: FB GROUP- Chin Wags

LEARN TO MEDITATE For those who think they can't meditate or who would like to expand their consciousness naturally. An effortless technique that will enhance all levels of your life. By donation 02 6684 7630

OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING Do you want to sharpen

your speaking skills, or speak with greater confidence, clarity and impact? Come join us at Byron Cavanbah Toastmasters. Go to byronbaytoastmasters.org or call us on 0416 423 175

SOCIAL TABLE TENNIS at Bangalow Bowling Club now starts at 3 - 5pm CHOOSE FROM 40 ORGANISATIONS at the volunteer hub at Byron

Community Centre. Make a difference, have fun, learn new skills and meet new people. volunteers@byroncentre.com.au

SUNRISE RESIDENTS GET-TO-KNOW EVENTS [last Sunday of the month]. Meet residents at Jacaranda St Park 11-2pm. Bring food, drink, chair. Air ideas about Sunrise. Join Sunrise Progress Association on Facebook.

UNCLE PROJECT puts out the challenge to all good men to step up and help raise the next gen of lads together. Contact adminbyron@uncle.org.au

BYRON BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUP meets every 3rd Wednesday 122pm at NSW cancer Council rooms 8/130 Jonson Street, Byron Bay.

COMPLETE MEN RUNS FORTNIGHTLY mens groups on different nights in both Byron and Mullum. Call Tim Fisk 0400 484 419

DOING GOOD IN OUR COMMUNITY?

Submit your info on events, fundraisers or meetings via our website: byronbazaar.com/community Deadline Monday prior to publication date. Reserved for community groups, free / charitable events & not-for-profit only. Not for business or profit based organisations.

fields. Had a hippopotomous key ring attached. Handed in to Mullumbimby police office for collection.

VOLUNTEER AT FALLS FESTIVAL If you're a music lover keen on bringing

in the next decade with an epic NYE at Falls Festival! Apply Now http://bit.ly/fallsfestbyron

NEWRYBAR WEEKLY PRODUCE MARKET Running weekly at Newrybar Hall on Wednesdays from 4 to 7pm. We have a great range of locally grown products ranging from fruit and vegetables to fresh pasta, bread, chicken, beef, eggs, fresh flowers and more. We have dinner available and the menu and chef changes regularly.

BE CONNECTED WITH FREE TRAINING We're providing free training now in

Byron Bay to give you the skills to be a digital mentor for seniors, helping them to get online and be connected. Takes 1 day, free lunch included. Call 6621 7397

BYRON LANGUAGE EXCHANGE CLUB Every 2nd Friday. Spanish, Italian,

Community Markets 1ST SATURDAY

Brunswick Heads / Lismore Makers / Murwillumbah

BYRON AREA BOOK CLUB Love reading? Want to meet like minded people?

1ST SUNDAY

Byron Bay Community / Lismore Car Boot

Our book club is looking for new members. Visit the Facebook Page or text 0451 638 844 for information.

GROUP MEDITATION Group Meditations on every Tuesday 11.30am

at Marvell Hall, 37 Marvell st, Byron Bay. Everybody Welcome. Donations appreciated. Gnostic Society 0412 020 234

BYRON YOGA PHILOSOPHY CLUB Always free meditation classes every

Monday evening @ 7pm 1 Korau Place Suffolk Park, Byron bay www. wisdom.yoga if you need a ride from Byron Ph Kris 0435 300743

CHIN WAGS @ MAIN BEACH Casual discussion group! This is a judgement

free, compassionate evening open to everyone. Fridays 6.30pm,

2ND SATURDAY Byron Flea / Kingscliff 2ND SUNDAY

Monthly

Portuguese, French, Japanese &more. To join our free club, send a short introduction about yourself to byronbaylanguages@gmail. com. Find us on fb!

The Channon Craft / Alstonville Plateau / Lennox

3RD SATURDAY Mullumbimby / Murwillumbah 3RD SUNDAY

Uki Bazaar / Lismore Car Boot / Ballina

4TH SATURDAY Tyalgum / Kingscliff 4TH SUNDAY

Bangalow / Nimbin

5TH SUNDAY

Nimbin / Lennox Head

FARMERS MARKETS ON PAGE 16

BYRON BAZAAR

Classifieds YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS

2 BACKPACKS 70L with wheels and day pack $150 . 60L $100 ,both ono. Top quality excellent condition. Richard 0438 179 462 Byron Bay

BRAND NEW BLUETOOTH WIRELESS Stereo Headset $40 0416 568 371 txt only SKY SURFBOARD, used 2Times. Great condition$ 375 paid $500. Call or Text 0401 961 908 Josh

BODYBOARD FLIPPERS-large (manta clone) new $50- 0478 008 232 CAT OR SMALL DOG CARRY CAG Excellent condition, used once. Secure

AUTOMOTIVE & MARINE URGENT SALE - MUST SELL - PRICE REDUCED - PEUGEOT 1984 505 SDN Silver

door lock external water spout. Airline approved. Photo available. 0416 034 698 Ballina

only 126.000k genuine. Full NSW Rego Air-con New Tyres Spotless in & out. Classic Car! Great to Drive. $5,250.00 ONO. 0427 217 040

RODE NT5 CONDENSER MICS, pair Excellent cond in case. Still stored with

SWEET POSTIE BIKE. Honda 110. Surf racks, Vintage Basket. Helmet &

COUCH FOR SALE 3 SEATER beige leather, very good quality /condition.

Gloves. $1500 ONO - 0405 285 909

2006 SUBARU FORESTER 4 WD Great reliable car, well maintained and

moisture proof bags. $380. Save $120. Txt: Sue in Lennox 0466 797 978. $350... will need to be collected, BB area. Txt. 0459 338 909 for photo. and more info.

regularly serviced, a few dents but good condition, No rust . Rego Feb 2020. Price $3400 ono 0419 809 809

WORM WEE FOR HEALTHIER PLANTS. 100% PURE WORM WEE.$3 per litre. To

CARAVAN 18' MILLARD,GAL chassis,regd.annexe,6 berth, gas stove, fridge,

PROPERTY

FOR SALE

PROPERTY FOR RENT BROKEN HEAD gorgeous moroccan style home 2 bed,

ORDER Ring / Text David on 0429 844 548 Delivery within reason.

dbl bed, $7,000 ono. 0412 155 808

BOOKCASES 2M X 60CM , 1, $50, other $100 ono. Good condition. 0408 547 654

AC, wifi, rural, close to shops and beach $800 pw. Avail 28 Jan - 10 March Call Amritas Casa 0427 917 960

ROOM FOR RENT IN FAMILY HOUSE IN MULLUMBIMBY (Mum & two daughters).

FREE SLANT BOARD ALIGNER Back care wooden slant back to re-align spine. Free. 0408 547 654

Female preferred. Non-smoker. $200/week, ph 0402 512 761

FREE HOUSE/PET SITTING need someone to look after pet/house? clean

SMALL FRIDGE- FISHER &PAYKEL. 110L. In perfect working order. $50.00.

Original manual included. Pick-up in Byron or will deliver free in Byron District only. Ph. 0416 063 087

WETSUIT TOP BRAND new large $60 0478 008 232 HOT BUTTERED FLIPPER s for boogie boarding or swim training- size extra small $20 0478 008 232

& tidy. honest & reliable. semi retired christian lady. police check. all good. text debra 0431 818 919

ROOM CLOSE TO TOWN to share 2 bedroom unit with one other female

. Would suit mature non smoking and active health minded female 40+. Not suitable for couples. $250 per week includes all bills & wifi Call 0401 851 019

WANTED

KITE SURFING SKATES great condition $60 0478 008 232 MASSAGE MACHINE PRO-SHIATSU Best massage apart from hands-on which I also do. Cost new $296, selling for $75. Text me 0412 640 760

LEATHER MOTORCYCLE JACKET Suitable for small man or woman size 10-14 VGC $140 Text Pat 0412 640 760

WANTED HOMES TO BUY OR RENT Hello lovely people we do property

management with very high rental return . We need a house to buy totally any condition preferably Gold Coast area 0403 118 534

WANTED ANY CONDITION! Hi we can buy vehicles for learning project

DRUM KIT WITH BEGINNER'S book and dvd.Can deliver. $100. 0413 397 266

no reg ok! Trucks vans Utes car 4x4s bus's machinery call anytime please 0403 118 534

LAVAZZA ELECTRIC MILK FROTHER. New, still in box. Cost $72. Sell for $35.

WANTED COLLECTABLE OLD BOTTLES OLD GLASS & STONEWARE bottles such as

Ph: 0415 390 004

soft drink, motor oil, milk, stone ginger beer, soda syphons, embossed chemist bottles etc. Ph 0439 779 577

OUR CLASSIFIEDS ARE FREE PLACE A BYRON BAZAAR CLASSIFIED

*FREE CLASSIFIEDS 160 characters for free (private advertisers only, no businesses). Submit online at byronbazaar.com/ privateclassifieds or text 0437 229 227 *Please note - this is not an answering phone, it is a text line only.

BUSINESS CLASSIFIEDS 180 characters from $17/week or add a logo or headshot for less than $27/week!

Submit online at byronbazaar.com/businessclassifieds

DEADLINE MONDAY MIDNIGHT

18 BYRON BAZAAR

Q&A A Q U IC K C H

A T W IT H .. .

I have ever visited, as I enter the roundabout on the outskirts of town. COMPLETE THIS SENTENCE – "I LOVE... stand-up comedy. I have been doing it for forty years. I have upset countless humans and entertained a lot more. My life is full and I remain eternally curious. I will probably die like Tommy Cooper - on stage." WHEN YOU’RE NOT DOING COMEDY, YOU SEEM TO BE RUNNING FOR OFFICE. IF YOU WERE TO WIN A SEAT IN PARLIAMENT, DO YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A CITIZENSHIP ISSUE? I definitely have a citizenship issue. I was born in New York to the Gambino family. I didn’t win against Abbott in 2010, but we did build the Abbott Proof fence and caused him some sleepless nights. IF YOU WERE TO BECOME PRIME MINISTER, WHO IS THE FIRST PERSON YOU WOULD SACK? The first person I would have gotten rid of is Peter Garrett as he has no sense of humour and no fucking hair.

Austen Tayshus COMEDIAN

FIRSTLY, DO I SAY HI SANDY, ALEXANDER, ALEX OR AUSTEN? Austen is good. WHAT BRINGS YOU TO BYRON? I have been touring around Byron in January for 40 years. It is my favourite destination. I love it for its natural beauty, the spirituality of the place, the sophistication and eclecticism. Side by side there are the rich and the losers, hippies and pessimists, the foodies, surfies, the women and the indigenous as well as backpackers from all over the planet. And Laurie Rose. I have been holidaying there with my daughters for close to 25 years. It’s a bubble and remains consistent. YOU ARE KNOWN TO BE FAIR AND EVEN HANDED IN YOUR RESPECTFUL TREATMENT OF YOUR AUDIENCE - SHOULD BYRON EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT? The audiences in Byron are smart and open, and rarely get upset. I am highly respectful, and like most mainstream mediocre performers I try to give my audience what they want, rather than expose them to the truth. They are the payers and so I reward their loyalty with a suck hole and dull fucking show. And in return I have loads of commercial real estate and can count people like Rove or Karl as good friends. IF YOU WERE GOING TO A FANCY-DRESS PARTY, WHERE SUNGLASSES ARE BANNED, WHO WOULD YOU GO AS, AND WHY? For special occasions I have my Tony Abbott mask. I can sneak into prisons and visit my favourite paedophile mates and I can give knighthoods to deadshit people like Prince Andrew. A royal bullshitter. WITH ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT BYRON BAY, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE, WHAT WOULD YOU LEAVE UNTOUCHED? There is nothing I would change about Byron. It has the best vibe of any destination world-wide. I am very well-travelled, and I feel the most relaxed of any place

"ADVANCE AUSTRALIA FAIR” WAS SELECTED AS OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM IN 1984, AFTER A CLOSE CONTEST WITH “WALTZING MATILDA”. THAT WAS ONE YEAR AFTER YOU TOOK “AUSTRALIANA” TO #1 AROUND AUSTRALIA. DID YOU FEEL DUDDED? I still think “Australiana” would be a better National Anthem as everyone, particularly from my generation, knows the words. Who knows all the words to AAF? A minority. BYRON IS RENOWNED FOR ITS WILD BRUSH TURKEYS. I DON’T THINK THEY MADE IT INTO “AUSTRALIANA”. DO YOU THINK BILLY BIRMINGHAM MISSED AN OPPORTUNITY? I am sure Billy missed a few puns but he nailed enough. Australiana 2,3,4,5 has never interested me. But it’s a different country and a different world right now. I don’t think it would have the same level of resonance today. GOOD LUCK WITH THE “2020 VISION” TOUR WITH MANDY, AND WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU BOTH ON JANUARY 6TH AT THE BYRON SERVICES CLUB.

So many issues

Did you know we only deliver Byron Bazaar to our readers? We don't believe littering the streets and driveways of Byron is the best or greenest idea so you'll find copies in businesses, shops, cafes and bars, petrol stations, accommodation, etc. If you'd like to, read the latest issues online at issuu.com/byronbazaar • Request an email version via hello@byronbazaar.com • OR sending you email address to hello@byronbazaar.com and we'll email you an issue every week

BYRON BAZAAR