Cw issue 844 by Canarian Weekly

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Issue 844 14th March - 20th March 2014

Inside this week...

Where is flight MH370? See story on page 3

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Where on earth is the lost plane? THE whole world is asking the same question: what has happened to flight MH370?

Last Saturday, a routine Malaysia Airlines flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing disappeared 30 minutes after take-off. MH370 departed KL at 12.41am local time, and there were no reported problems as it reached its 35,000ft cruising altitude ahead of a near sixhour flight. The plane was travelling at 542 mph as it entered Vietnamese airspace. Malaysian air traffic control instructed the plane to liaise with Ho Chi Min City controllers at 1.07pm. This was acknowledged by the pilot. It was the last received communication - and seconds later, the plane vanished. Minutes later, Vietnamese Air Traffic Control tried frantically to contact flight MH370, as did the pilot of another aircraft. An hour later, the airline was informed of the missing plane as searchand-rescue services were launched. There were 227 passengers and 12 crew members on board. Since Saturday morning, there has been an unprecedented scale of worldwide interest. Press conferences revealed few facts, respected news agencies and broadcasters spewed misinformation, and even the official

search area has been changed three times. Every day has brought new theories and, subsequently, disappointment, confusion and bewilderment. How, in this day and age, can a Boeing 777 simply disappear? The families of the missing are demanding answers, and the blame game has already begun. As we went to print last night (Thursday), Malaysian authorities admitted in a press conference that they were no nearer to finding the missing plane. Again, they had to dismiss both local and international reports of several potential leads. These now-farcical daily briefings could almost be condensed with a three-second shrug of the shoulders. Why is the Black Box not revealing the plane’s location? Planes actually have

two Black Boxes: one records the flight data which stores information on flight control and engine performance and the other is essentially a cockpit voice recorder. After a crash, they emit a beacon which lasts for around 30 days, but they are not designed for long-range reception. Also, if a plane is in deep water, they are nearly impossible to detect. This happened in 2009 when Air France flight AF447 exploded off the Brazilian coast. Why was there no distress signal or Mayday call? It takes a few seconds only for a pilot to alert authorities of any problems. The simple changing of a call signal can indicate whether there has been a hijacking or a serious mechanical problem. There is also the traditional radio commu-

nication. Mayday alerts are normally missed in cases of instantaneous trouble only. Is it possible for a plane to simply slip off radar? In theory, yes, in parts of Russia and central Africa, for example. But this part of the world is well-recorded - unless the transponder was turned off, along with the communications system. However Rolls Royce have a tracking system with their engines. This occurs every 30 minutes the engines are in flight. But Malaysia Airlines said the Rolls-Royce Trent engines stopped transmitting monitoring signals when contact with the plane was lost. Is it possible the plane was hijacked by a passenger? Again, the pilot needs a second only to alert on such an incident. Also, hijackers would have needed time to get into

the cockpit, allowing a space for the alert to be raised. Is it possible the cockpit depressurised and the pilots were unconscious, which is why the plane crashed? No. The descent of the plane would have been recorded, and a crash area would have been easy to find. But what if the plane were in autopilot mode? The Wall Street Journal has reported that US officials suspected the plane continued flying for four hours after its last contact. This was based on data sent from the Rolls Royce engines to the manufacturer as part of a maintenance programme. But Malaysian Defence Minister Hishammuddin Hussein revealed in a press conference that both Rolls Royce and Boeing said that report was wrong. If the plane was hit by

a rogue missile, would there have been evidence of this - such as a radar reading? Yes, since the plane was at ‘radar’ height. Also, debris would have scattered and been detected on radar. Is there any dispute about the exact location where communications were lost? No. This was used as the basis for the original search area, which revealed nothing. Why can no debris or wreckage be found? And this is the $64,000 question. Some of the sharpest minds and all the governments of the world are looking for this plane and have come up with nothing. This has led to some wild theories on the internet, while many commentators, such as our Joe Ferguson on Page 20, have maintained that the truth is out there and that it’s only a matter of time before the mystery is solved. But what if it isn’t as simple as that? The brilliant Albert Einstein reasoned on the possibility of things which we cannot even understand. He was a believer in wormholes (a theoretical passage through space-time) for example. To paraphrase the great Arthur Conan Doyle and the legendary Sherlock Holmes: “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.”

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José’s Golden honour ADEJE Mayor José Miguel Rodríguez Fraga received the University of La Laguna (ULL) Gold Medal during the celebrations of the 222nd anniversary of the institution’s foundation.

In all that time, this award has been made just 12 times, which

puts the Mayor’s achievement into perspective. The presentation was made by rector Eduardo Doménech, who said: “The presence of the ULL in Adeje is much more than a gift; it is an ongoing reality which lets us look to the future with increased hope.” Canary Islands President Paulino Rivero and Education Minister José Miguel Pérez were also present at the ceremony, along

with Adeje Councillors and representatives of various organisations and groups in the borough. During his acceptance speech, the Mayor complimented the individuals and groups, saying: “Without their efforts, this would not have been possible.” The rector, who also singled out the Mayor’s dedication to this project, said the relation between the ULL and Adeje, which began 20 years ago, was initially

similar to that of many other borough corporations. In the case of Adeje, however, he added that what was once a summer university had become a full-time campus in South Tenerife from the 2012-2013 academic year, with students taking Tourism degree courses. The Mayor responded, saying: “Today, we are preparing our young people for high-level positions in the tourism sector, but until now

they were only applying for jobs lower down the scale.” He also spoke of the important role councils have to play in the education of their citizens, adding: “This medal is a recognition of the work of councils.” Rodríguez Fraga added: “Boroughs, along with universities, play an important role in the liberty, progression and advancement of citizens. “Today, there is a university campus in Ade-

je because a council pushed for it, and there was a university open to the idea.” The Mayor said the medal awarded to Adeje should be seen as an example to others that councils need to be on the front line on behalf of their residents. Society, he believed, was focused on the search for economic profit, but the need for social profit and balance was also important - and had economic value.

Oil discovered between Canaries and Morocco GENEL Energy has confirmed the presence of oil near Tarfaya, Morocco and Fuerteventura, most notably in the well called Maritime Juby 1 (JM -1). It was located at 3,100 metres, although the main site is around 600m deeper and could hold reserves equivalent to 70 million barrels. The consortium, comprising Cairn Energy

and the Moroccan National Office of Hydrocarbons and Mines, says the new discovery is two miles from the MO-2 well, which was originally identified in 1968. In addition, Genel said the site had the potential to generate a huge impact on its “already significant” fields, and revealed that the work had begun in January.

It is Cairn Energy’s belief that there could be oil reserves of 70 million barrels and of the three wells in the Juby area, JM-1 is the furthest away from the Canaries. Despite the positive announcement, Fernando Rios, the commissioner for Governmental Development and Institutional Reform of the Canarian

Government, said: “It is too early to say that there is an oil field in Moroccan waters with real potential for exploitation.” He also made it clear that this was not the first time an area had been said to have real potential, and could yet amount to “nothing”. It should also be noted that these new find-

ings have absolutely nothing to do with Repsol’s proposed surveys. The Moroccan finds are much closer to the Moroccan coast and in far shallower waters than the study planned by Repsol. Repsol’s prospecting is aimed at working in waters around 1,500m, followed by drilling through between 3,000-

6,000m of rock. The Respol study has been met with fierce opposition from many in the Canaries; from the Cabildos of Lanzarote and Fuerteventura as well as from the Canary Islands Government. But initial permits were granted by the Spanish Government, pending approval from the Environment Ministry.

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Shoppers gamble with food past ‘sell-by’ date FOOD carrying an expired sellby date is eaten regularly by one in three people, as a result of the recession.

A study by the Spanish Confederation of Housewives, Consumers and Users (Ceaccu) says that up to 61% of consumers have had to revise their foodshopping habits since the early recession days. The association is

concerned that so many people are prepared to risk their health, even if the sellby date has passed by just a few days. According to Ceacciu, 71% don’t throw food away because they shop exactly to their needs and every scrap has to be eaten. And of food they cook themselves, 83% of people reuse items, 50% save or freeze meals to be used at a later date, and 33% prepare new dishes with leftovers. The problem wors-

Boat illegals have run out of steam POLICE rescued a boatload of immigrants off Gran Canaria after midnight on Sunday after their patera was hit by engine failure. On board, there were two women and six children among the 22 people, some with mild

hypothermia. They were taken to the Arguineguin harbour by the Guardia Civil boat and examined by Red Cross staff. The group were eventually transferred to the Centre for Foreigners in Las Palmas.

‘Human organs’ gang nabbed SPANISH police have arrested five people connected with an illegal scheme to sell human organs on the black market.

It is the first case of organ-trading uncovered in Spain, and the National Police say immigrants were offered up to 40,000 euros to sell liver segments. Police report the case

is linked to a “wealthy Lebanese citizen” in need of a liver transplant, who had travelled to Spain and tried, unsuccessfully, to buy a liver section from a supposed “volunteer” donor. Details of the case were released by the Director General of Police, Ignacio Cosidó, accompanied by Rafael Matesanz, Director of the National Transplant Organisation, and José Manuel Salgado, National Police Chief Executive.

ens because the vast majority (92%) see the date on food packaging, but 39% do not know the difference between “sell-by” and “use-by” dates. Raúl Alonso, President of the Canary Islands Consumers’

Union (UCE), said consumers had changed their habits to cut costs, buying ownbrand goods at major chain supermarkets instead of brand-named products. Prices are set throughout the chain

by the producers and, thus, for consumers. Stores’ habit of reducing the price of goods as they near their sellby date is also becoming more widespread, and Mr Alonso says it is a “new tactic that leads to better utilisation of

food, and less waste”. However, the trend means that many costcutting consumers now give their “big shop” a miss and, instead, look for bargains and reduced food prices on goods approaching their sell-by date.

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MP leads battle to find truth behind coma dad’s injury THE family of the stag-party father left in a coma, mysteriously, in Las Americas on 31st January, are still searching for the truth.

And they have received some welcome support from Leigh MP Andy Burnham, who also wants to determine exactly what happened the night Andy Openshaw was found, half-dead, in an empty swimming pool in Las Americas. Mr Openshaw, father of two young sons, had been enjoying his first night in Tenerife when he and a pal became separated from the main group of revellers. Spanish police claim that he suffered devastating injuries to his head and back by diving into the swimming pool and closed their investigation after two days. According to them, it could not have been a mugging, even though the Leigh man’s wallet has never been found. But medics at Liverpool’s renowned Walton Centre, who examined him thoroughly after he had been flown home, say it seems more likely that he was battered by someone and then thrown in the pool unconscious. Andy, a refrigeration engineer was initially given 48 hours to live and his family flew out to be by his bedside, but the 31-year-old’s chances of survival are hopeful, although he is still in a coma. Now, his Dad Simon and Andy’s own MP, are determined to get to the bottom of the riddle. Mr Burnham has called on Greater Manchester Police to open their own inquiry into the incident that almost cost Mr Openshaw his life. Labour’s Shadow Health Secretary

own inquiry and then present findings to the Spanish police in the hope that they taking it further. The MP said: “The pool accident conclusion didn’t sound right to me from the moment I heard of it. This case clearly needs further investigation. “I have never come across a case like this before and I am full of admiration for Andy’s family for the way they have battled away for him on their own. The people of Wigan borough have again showed themselves to be especially generous, and these two factors combined to get Andy home - and may well have saved his life. “I must also give credit to my own staff, who, knowing about Andy, saw a TV programme called Brain Centre about Walton and rang the Centre to see if they could help. And they said they would get a bed ready.” Mr Burnham added: “I am working to secure an insurance pay-out, asking his company what

believes the results of tests on Andy’s injuries have cast enough suspicion over the Arona police’s accident conclusions to warrant a fresh probe into what the family believe was a vicious assault, or robbery - or both. The Shadow Health Secretary saluted the Openshaws for their battle to keep the case open, and the immense fund-raising efforts get him home. He praised the locals’ generosity and his own staff in getting Mr Openshaw a bed at the Walton Centre. Jason Manford, the popular comedian from nearby Salford, read of his plight and boosted the rescue fund by asking his many fans on his

social networking pages sites to contribute to the rescue fund to fly him home. They responded magnificently, as did the locals, and Andy’s wife, Laura, said: “Thanks to Jason for helping the campaign go viral, Andrew Whitney and everyone involved at Fly Me Now for the first-class service they provided, and, most importantly, everyone who donated far and wide to help bring my husband home.” She added: “The generosity, support and human kindness has been truly overwhelming.” Mr Burham has also contacted the Foreign Office, which says Greater Manchester Police could conduct its

it’s for, if not for occasions such as this. We will support Andy in any way we can.” Simon Openshaw is more than ever convinced that his son has been the victim of a mugging, and a terrible injustice. He reiterated his feelings from last week, saying: “The first consultant who checked Andy specialises in head trauma. He sees car accidents, bike accidents, jockeys, boxers, everything. “He told us that medics believe Andrew will survive, with some small quality of life. “He also revealed that Andrew has fractured eye sockets, cheekbones and jaw sockets. He’s also got two broken fingers and a dislocated knuckle.” “The consultant, Mr May, said Andrew had been viciously attacked. He was kicked around the eye sockets, the cheekbones, the lower jaw - and he’s got front temple fractures as well as the main impact, where he went into the pool.”

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Your Emails

The editor says...

Email: editor@canarianweekly.com

Time to be green again! I’D like to start with a few thank-yous. Firstly, to our amazing readers who have got behind what we are trying to do with the Canarian Weekly. We had a great response to last week’s lead story, and, as you’ve seen, we have followed up. It was as a direct result of our story that we hope to be able to find out the truth about what happened to Andy. Also, keep the letters and emails coming in. As you can see on the right of this page, we are getting a lot of correspondence on the “cycling problem”. Have you had problems with drivers? Let us know. And if there is something else you would like to share with other readers, please drop us a line. This coming week sees one of my favourite days of the year, on Monday. I love St Patrick’s Day and I love how it’s celebrated over here. Most people don’t realise how this glorious Tenerife day came about, and all the hard work put in by so many people 20 years ago. Back then, FAILTE worked their socks off to get a place in the diary for a proper Paddy’s Day knees-up, and everyone has since backed it to the hilt. It’s part of what we are over here, and I know many, many people

book holidays to come over and celebrate in the sun. Wherever you celebrate on Monday, enjoy yourself - and raise a glass to the forefathers and pioneers. We have an extremely busy day on Oasis Fm because we are broadcasting from six different venues! We start at midday at Gaelic Corner, with the mad Dee Daniels and crew, before a 2pm trip to O’Neills in Veronicas, where they’ll have The Irish Times band playing live. And then at 4pm we are at Leonardo’s, where White Knights, T2k, Elegance and the Little Jiggers are among their performers. At 6pm it’s Murphys Bar, in central LA, with live music from Billy McCracken. Next stop is Los Cristianos and the Devon Arms, which is always brilliant! I love the intimate atmosphere there. We finish, liver permitting, at the Dubliner in The Patch. Where better to end up than celebrating with Danny, Daniel and Paul, who is having his final Paddy’s Day here? There is even a rumour that Felipe is buying a round! Slante!

Tel: 902 232 102 info@canarianweekly.com Publisher, proprietor and Editor: MES ONCE SL Depósito Legal TF 1209/97 CIF: B- 38753802

Dear Editor, I am a 66-year-old retired police officer, and my wife and I come to Tenerife every winter for 14 weeks. I cycle 3,000 miles per year in the UK and have never had an accident until this holiday. Previously, I rented a bicycle for cycling while in Tenerife, but this time I prepared and brought my own, top-of-the-range carbon racing cycle. On the very first ride, I stopped at the roundabout at the top of Los Cristianos bus station. Traffic was busy on the roundabout, and a Titsa bus stopped behind me. I was still stationary when, suddenly, the bus accelerated forward and rammed into the back of me, knocking me to the ground. I ended up with my legs and the back of my bike underneath the front of the bus. It was a miracle I did not sustain serious injury. As it was, I had lacerations and bruising to my right leg, and severe bruising to my left buttock. Also, the impact snapped the frame of my bicycle and buckled the rear wheel beyond repair. The total damage was in excess of 3,000 euros. This occurred on Monday, 13th January, and the bus driver refused to call the police to the accident scene. I was instructed to go to Las Americas bus station to report the accident. Obviously, I was not aware of the correct procedures because I was then sent to Santa Cruz to report to some office relating to Titsa. When I got there, no one spoke English, but I was told that someone would ring me from Titsa´s insurance company, Mapfre. But to date, no one has contacted me. I rang Mapfre, to be told that no one spoke English there, either. I reported the accident to Arona Pólice, but have yet to receive any update. As a result, I have now engaged a lawyer to represent me. I returned to England on Tuesday (11th March) but before then, I had to go to a Notary to obtain power of attorney for my lawyer to represent me in my absence. So far, it has cost me about 500 euros for all these procedures, and to hire a replacement bike. I have been cycling regularly to Granadilla and Vilaflor regularly, and I can say that the general standard of driving in Tenerife is atrocious. Bearing in mind the number of cyclists on the roads, most motorists treat you with contempt. Since my accident, I have been the victim of numerous near-misses, so I do not think I will cycle here again. Also, when you think that Tenerife’s economy relies heavily on tourism, why are tourists treated so badly by the authorities? John Dean Dear Editor I have just been reading an article on your website about what you are legally required to carry in your car. I am interested to know if the same rules apply to hire cars because, over the years I have been coming to Tenerife, I cannot recall ever having more than one reflective jacket in the car; nor is there necessarily two warning triangles. It might make an interesting, investigative story to find out the extent of rental car companies’ compliance, or non-compliance, with the law. Jeff Bartlett

Editor: Thanks you for your letter. I’m sorry you had such an awful experience, and I would love to say that this is an isolated incident. I have been here 22 years and I honestly thought that road safety would have improved by now. If anything it’s getting worse. The standard of driving, the multi-national make-up of the roads and the increase in cyclists, have created a nightmare scenario which, I fear, will be addressed only when there has been a fatality. By the way, we will be covering this subject very soon and meanwhile, I wish you all the best with your legal action.

Avda. Claudio Delgado Diaz 99, Edf. Ayllon Local 2C, Pol. Ind. Las Chafiras, 38639 San Miguel De Abona, Tenerife PRINTED BY: TF Print S.A.

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Contributors: Adi Benson, Carl Pattison, Emma Swain, Geoff Huxtable, Jamie Drew, Joe Ferguson, Mariano Zunino Siri, Margaret Tully, Ruth Benson, Sue McDonald, Val Sainsbury Canarian Weekly takes all reasonable care to check the contents of every advertisement, but cannot accept responsibility for the claims or statements made in them. Also, statements or opinions expressed by contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor or Publishers. Material featured in Canarian Weekly may not be reproduced without the explicit written permission of the Editor. Copyright © 2014 Canarian Weekly

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Graffiti artists won’t be painting this town red for much longer! SANTA CRUZ Council has to fork out some 150,000 euros each year to combat the effects of vandalism in the city.

However, since November, a new regime introduced by the Town Hall means that those caught in the act of “anti-social” behaviour on the streets - especially graffiti artists - will be fined heavily. Eight civilian “agents” - the Urban Land Protection team (Proteu) - have been tasked with seeking out examples of anti-social behaviour, including fly-posting, graffiti, littering the pavements with fagends and paper, and not cleaning up after pets foul public areas.

Just simply stubbing your cigarette out on a beach, or leaving litter there, could cost you 150 euros, while littering the city anywhere will swell the Town Hall cof-

fers by up to 751 euros. You could come unstuck fly-posting, faced with a 3,000-euro fine, and, worst of all, graffiti offenders could face an enormous 4,508-euro

penalty for their artistic, but damaging, efforts. Those aerosol sprays could soon be packed away for good. The massive financial threats are enough

to make anyone go “straight”. But Dámaso Arteaga, Santa Cruz Councillor for Public Works and Service, told a local radio station that 100 people were fined for various offences soon after the new rules kicked in. The scale of charges is quite staggering, and who knows? Other local councils may well take heed and see it as a double bonus: their towns will be left sparkling and overheads lowered drastically in one fell swoop - until the message gets home. Here’s how the money rolls in: *Throwing cigaretteends and other waste on beaches - 30-150 euros *Littering - 150-751 euros *Fly-posting - 601-3,005 euros *Graffiti – 902-4,508 eu-

ros *Pets fouling public areas and mess not cleaned up – from 150.26 euros to 1,502.20 euros (not sure what the odd cents are about) The fines will not only reduce the Town Hall’s annual clean-up bill for wanton vandalism, but will also cover the cost of replacing burned-out rubbish containers. By the way, this year’s Santa Cruz Carnaval was hugely successful, as ever, but the downside was that the amount of rubbish collected during the spectacular fiesta increased to 433 tonnes, compared with 346 tonnes last year. And it will take at least a week for the streets to return to their normal levels of cleanliness after the festivities. Bring on the fines!

Hotels’ facelift We’ve cut down on spending over here plan for tourism THE renovation of old hotels in the South was among the main topics discussed during Monday’s Tourism meeting, called by Cabildo President Carlos Alonso.

Also present were his own head of Tourism, Miguel Santos, plus Adeje Tourism Councillor Rafael Dolado and Arona Mayor Francisco Niño. They got together to discuss findings from last week’s huge ITB tourism trade fair in Berlin. The general feeling was that the older hotels in Adeje and Arona, particularly those over 20 years old, were in need of major refurbishments. Tour operators at the fair stressed that the older hotels were becoming far less desir-

able and, thus, proving much harder to sell to the public. Many of these hotels, built in the late Eighties and early Nineties, are still rated as three or four-star establish-

ments. But they have not been renovated and are becoming “obsolete”. Hoteliers are obviously responsible for sprucing up their own buildings, which brought an immediate response from Rafael Dolado, on behalf of Adeje. He said his department were committed to promoting the area itself, highlighting the gardens, shopping and leisure facilities “in situ” once at the resort. Mr Dolado cited the Gran Tinerfe hotel as a good example. It was closed for six months in 2010 for a full refurbishment, and now enjoys high-occupancy levels. That was down to the initiative taken by the owners to remain competitive in the market - a sector where high standards must be maintained to meet the ever-increasing demands of holiday-makers.

A SURVEY by supermarket chain Eroski reveals that the average family spend in the Canaries has dropped by 36% in the past six years.

The company, investigating the recession’s effect on household outlay, studied spending between 2006 and 2012 - from pre-recession to the extremely difficult times two years ago. It took into account items such as expenses, food, clothing and footwear, utilities, education, transport and communication. Results showed that the average Canary Islands’ expenditure in 2012 was 22,793 euros, which was 19% below the national average of 28,151 euros. Regionally, that placed the Canary Islands second-last in the whole of Spain. But in the 2007

heyday, the total was over 29,700 euros. Topping the list were Madrid, the Basque Country and Navarra (where the average spend exceeded 30,000 euros). Most of the money is spent on upkeep, including electricity, and amounted to 7,870 euros in the Canaries in 2012. Food, drinks, clothing, footwear and health were next, soaking up around 5,300 euros. Third place went to the cost of education, trans-

port and communications (4,290 euros), with leisure - including hotels, entertainment and culture - amounting to 3,480 euros. Despite the recession, though, the cash distribution changed in the six-year period. Education spending rose by 30%, while housing, water, gas and other utilities rose by 8%. But the cost of clothing and footwear dropped by a hefty 49%, leisure and hospitality fell 34%, and house maintenance costs were down 33%.

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Tram figures hits buffers TENERIFE Tram service last year carried 70,000 fewer passengers than in 2012.

From its 2007 launch, the service grew steadily until slowing down five years later as the recession hit, and costs increased. The second half of last year actually saw a slight recovery, but not enough to turn the deficit around. An estimated two million car journeys were replaced last year, with drivers favouring the tram instead. But a Customer Profile Survey carried out by

operators Metropolitano de Tenerife says this figure has also declined since 2012, when an estimated three million car journeys were saved. The survey indicates that 35% of tram-users also own cars, but prefer to use the tram for many trips into the city. Cabildo President Carlos Alonso says the numbers have remained relatively stable, and adds that, because there are more people with smart phones, passengers can buy their tickets via the app, and check timetables etc, increasing the app use dramatically. According to the study, 60% of tram-users are female, and 33% are stu-

dents. Overall, 58% of users are students, retirees, stay-at-home mums and the unemployed. The busiest stops were Plaza Weyler, the Guimerá Theatre and Padre Ancieta in terms of passengers alighting. The La Cuesta stop was the most popular final destination. Passengers said that they rated service information, safety and frequency as their top priorities, followed by fourth-placed cost (up from sixth the previous year). The features most wanted by users were improvements to comfort, price, and network growth.

You can’t use E-ciggies here! IT has obviously slipped under the radar, but the use of e-cigarettes - or “vaping” - has been banned in various places on the Island and mainland Spain since the start of the year. It is against the law to “smoke” these artificial ciggies in health centres, schools, children’s playgrounds, on public transport and in local administration offices. The measure has been in effect for over a year in Andalucia, Catalonia and Valencia, and is being rolled out all across Spain and the Canaries. In addition, healthcare

professionals are not allowed to promote the use of e-cigarettes as a way of cutting down or stopping smoking tobacco products. The Canarian Government’s Directorate General of Health plans to carry out periodic inspections in those specific areas where the practice is banned. These will be carried out in much the same way as checks are made to uphold the smoking ban. As yet, no categorical proof has been given that e-cigarettes aid quitting smoking, and

there have not been enough studies relating to the risk of inhaling the vapours caused by the artificial cigarettes. It is understood that the Spanish Government is in talks with the EU to implement the continental no-smoking directive, which categorises e-cigarettes alongside tobacco products. So it will come as no surprise that manufacturers of the products may soon be required to provide exhaustive information about the ingredients to determine their quality and safety standards.

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Boozers kept Red Cross so busy at the Carnaval THE Red Cross Mobile Carnaval Hospital has now closed, after treating 638 people during the Santa Cruz celebrations.

And, in keeping with last week’s findings, almost half of the cases were as a result of alcohol. In all this year, 47% of the 570 adults and 68 under 18s were treated for booze-related related cases, although the number of youngsters needing help dropped from 80 in 2013. A further 16% needed treatment after suffering falls and other inju-

ries, 13% for fainting, 10% were injured through violence or aggression, 9% for drug-related incidences, and 5% for various common illnesses. The most positive statistic relates to a 27% drop in aggression and violence, highlighted by José Alberto Diaz-Estébanez, Councillor for Citizen Security and Mobility. And just 50 people were taken to hospital for further treatment.

On the dark side, however, a 35-year-old man suffered a heart attack and died, despite intensive treatment. Overall, the police made seven arrests: two for fighting, two for pick-pocketing (caught by plain-clothed officers during the parade), two for violence against women, and one who had broken a court order. No arrests relating to knife fights were made.

Cepsa breath of fresh air CEPSA’S refinery in Santa Cruz says the capital’s air quality is similar to that of its Gran Canaria counterpart, Las Palmas.

But Santa Cruz has a refinery, which, many suspect, would push up the sulphur dioxide (SO2) levels. Yet data from meas-

uring stations reveals that both are below the limit of 20 microgrammes per cubic metre (μg/m³), as set by the World Health Organisation (WHO). In Santa Cruz, the average level was 11 μg/ m³ in 2012 and 10 μg/m³ in 2013, compared with the Las Palmas’ readings of 8 μg/m³ in 2012 and 7 μg/m³ in 2013. Since 2011, all the measuring stations (10 in Santa Cruz and eight

in Las Palmas) gave consistent readings below the WHO limit. And this, according to Cepsa, is an important statistic which backs up its claims to having improved air quality around the refinery. Because of an emissions reduction, the SO2 levels have dropped by 54% in the last 20 years, and are now at the lowest level in the refinery’s history.

Arabs sink Noah’s ark! THREE Arab countries have banned Russell Crowe’s epic £75m film Noah on religious grounds.

Noah built the ark which saved his family and many pairs of animals from a great flood in the Bible’s Book of Genesis, which is revered by Judaism, Christianity and Islam. And an entire chapter is dedicated to him in the Koran. But many Muslims object to the depiction of any messengers and prophets of Mohammed in art, and European and North American media have attracted repeated protests in Islamic countries over the last decade. The National Media Council (NMC), the United Arab Emirates’ group responsible for approving films, maintains that Noah “conflicts with (many) reli-

gions”. Juma Obaid al Leem, director of the Media Content Tracking Department at the NMC, said: “Out of respect for these religious sentiments, we are banning the film.” The film was produced by Paramount and stars Oscar-winners Crowe, Jennifer Connelly and Sir Anthony Hopkins. A studio spokesman said: “Censors for Qatar, Bahrain and the UAE officially confirmed this week that the film will not be released in their countries. “The official statement they offered in confirming this news is because ‘it contradicts the teachings of Islam’.” The studio is anticipating similar bans in Egypt, Jordan and Kuwait. Cairo’s al Azhar, Sunni Islam’s highest authority and a main centre of Islamic teaching for more than a millennium, last week issued

a fatwa, or religious injunction, against the film. And in a diplomatic gesture, Paramount Pictures is adding a disclaimer to marketing materials for Noah in an attempt to ease tensions. Before every screening, a message will appear saying: “While artistic licence has been taken, we believe this film is true to the essence, values and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. “The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis.” Mel Gibson’s 2004 film The Passion Of The Christ, which portrayed the crucifixion of Jesus, was widely screened in the Arab world, despite many objections by Muslim clerics. Noah premiers in the US on 28th March, and it should be released in the UK a week later.

www.canarianweekly.com

News

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Staff could be casino losers

A GROUP from the Las Americas Casino have urged Cabildo President Carlos Alonso to reject a proposed privatisation plan.

If it comes about, three of the Island’s casinos could be sold off to private enterprise. Casino workers met last week and unanimously opposed the proposal, even though it has already being passed at a higher level. They argue that the

casino makes a profit, which, in turn, benefits the Cabildo as its current owners. The group also sought assurances for the safety of the 56 jobs - and a further 20 indirectly involved - along with a promise to maintain current working conditions, should the sale go through. They are prepared to hold further meetings to agree terms and conditions should the need arise. The affected workers have requested advice from a Human Re-

sources co-ordinator, and have asked that the process be shelved. They want consideration for other options, which will ensure their continued employment. On the other side of the argument, the Cabildo says the sale of the casinos (Las Americas, Casino Taoro, in Puerto de la Cruz, and Santa Cruz Casino) will attract new investment to generate new employment and economic activity. Of the trio, only the Las Americas casino posted profits last year.

Spain admits: We did fire rubber bullets at migrants AT least 15 migrants drowned on 6th February as hundreds tried to swim to the Spain’s North African enclave of Ceuta from Morocco. After firing rubber bullets at them, Spanish police were criticised by the EU and rights groups, who said the bullets might have played a role in the deaths. And now, Jorge Fernandez Diaz, Spain’s Interior Minister, admits there should have been no gunfire, even with rubber bullets. It is the first time the Spanish Government has put its hands up, and Fernandez Diaz believes the bullets were unlikely to deter the sub-Saharan migrants. At the time, though, he was adamant that

coastguards had not shot directly at the migrants - and that the rubber bullets were not responsible for the death of anyone who drowned. Along with Melilla, a second Spanish enclave, Ceuta is the European Union’s only land border with Africa. The two cities, on the Mediterranean coast at the northern tip of Morocco, have become a magnet for migrants trying to reach Europe. Their latest attempt to force a way into Spanish territory came at the weekend, when about 150 people tried to break into Melilla. Local police said it was the second try in less than 24 hours, with 15 reaching the city before being arrested.

Fernandez Diaz actually met some of the migrants at a refugee centre in Melilla last week And on the eve of the 10th anniversary of attacks on four Madrid commuter trains which killed 191 people, Fernandez Diaz also warned that the country remained a target for terrorists. Spain’s alert level remains at its secondhighest category, signifying “a likely risk of attack”, and 472 suspected Muslim extremists have been arrested since 2004 attack on 11th March. “Clearly, Spain forms part of the strategic objectives of global jihad,” said Fernandez Diaz. “We are not the only ones, but we are in their sights, obviously.”

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News

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Good news for TV licence-dodgers THE British Government is considering a reprieve from prosecution for TV licence dodgers.

But it could cost the BBC up to £35 million a year by those who evade the annual £145.50 fee imposed currently. An attempt to change the law is being headed by Tory MP Andrew Bridgen, who said: “It is outrageous that so many people are brought into the criminal justice system through this means. “I believe that nonpayment should be treated in the way that parking tickets are. It is absurd that the courts are being clogged up by such a minor offence.” He also said that for some cash-strapped families, the current law was “criminalising them for being poor”. Justice Secretary Chris Grayling says “se-

rious work” on the plan is underway, with more than 100 cross-party MPs in support. He told the Daily Telegraph “The Culture Secretary (Maria Miller) and I both agree that this is a really interesting idea, particularly given the pressure on our courts system. “Our departments will be doing some serious work on the proposal.” Offenders now face a

£1,000 fine and a criminal record, as well as possible time in jail if fines are not paid. Some 180,000 people faced magistrates last year after being accused of not paying the fee, which accounted for more than one in 10 of all criminal prosecutions. Of those, 155,000 people were convicted and fined. The proposed changes could see dodging pay-

ment of the TV licence become a civil matter, with a fine set by the Government. A BBC spokesman said: “Legislation is a matter for the Government. However, changing the law could lead to higher evasion. Just a 1% increase in evasion would lead to the loss of around £35m - the equivalent of around 10 BBC Local Radio stations.”

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New twist to the tornado problem THE construction of three “Great Walls” across Americaa’s Tornado Alley could eliminate the country’s disasters, according to a physicist.

Professor Rongjia Tao, of Philadelphia’s Temple University, believes the giant barriers - 300m (980ft) high and up to 100 miles long - would act like hill ranges, softening winds before twisters were able to form. They would probably run to £9.6bn, he said, but they would prevent damage running into billions of dollars every each year. The professor put forward his plan at Denver’s American Physical Society meeting. But critics said the idea was unworkable, and would create more problems than it solved. Hundreds of twisters rampage every year

through communities in the great northsouth corridor between the Rocky and Appalachian Mountain ranges. Prof Tao said the proposed walls would not shelter towns because they would not be strong enough to block a tornado in motion. Instead, they would soften the clashing streams of hot southern and cold northern air, which form twisters in the first place. “If we build three east-west great walls - one in North Dakota, one along the border between Kansas and Oklahoma, and the third in the south in Texas and Louisiana - we will diminish the threats in Tornado Alley forever,” he maintained. And he points as evidence to China, where only three tornadoes were recorded last year, compared with 803 in the US.

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News

www.canarianweekly.com 14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Tenerife

skools rule Cristianos’ cruel cat-poisoners A NUMBER of cats were poisoned on a building site in Los Cristianos during the main Carnaval Week. There has been a colony there for over two decades, but, according to residents in the building next door, it is the first case of poisoning in this area. The site, beside the Canary Sol apartment

complex, has been abandoned since construction halted in 1990, and it has been home to many transients since then, And during Carnaval week - last week - a group of people moved into the site, erecting tents and hanging makeshift curtains in the more enclosed parts of the site.

Dead windsurfer has been found

THE body of a British windsurfer who went missing last Thursday was found off Arona’s Punta Rasca coast on Saturday by the crew of a fishing boat. The 64-year-old tourist was reported missing by his wife when he failed to return to lunch while windsurfing at El Medano.

WINGATE School and Luther King are among the top private education centres in Spain, and Tenerife also boasts four others on an elite list.

Avanzatucarrera.com, employment agency Infoempleo.com and the Vocento Group (with over 30 years of experience in employment and training), have collaborated to form the “best of” chart. It can be downloaded free from the three companies’ websites and includes six schools and colleges on the Island. The annual guide, which has been pub-

offered. It is also a highly-recommended resource for parents wishing to place their children in such centres.

Expats reaching out for Helping Hands! MORE than 135 ex-pats supported Helping Hands in Tenerife’s charity lunch at Bianco’s Italian restaurant in the Safari Centre on Saturday.

They were welcomed with a Champagne reception, followed by a

Live Arico are desperately trying to find a new home for Pudding. He is a 13 month old cross breed, small in size but big in heart, very loving, playful, and extremely sweet. He is also fully vaccinated, chipped and sterilised. Our usual adoption fee of 110 euros includes all the above. Call Sue on 629-388-102 for more information.

lished for the last 17 years, is the result of a comprehensive analysis of facilities, services and educational resources

It is divided into two categories: the first answering questions relating to scholarship options and educational quality, and the second section relating to teaching methods, curriculum and facilities on offer. The schools listed are: Wingate School (Arona) British School of Tenerife (Yeoward School, Puerto de la Cruz, and Trinity School, La Orotava) Colegio Cisneros Alter (La Laguna) Hispano Británico (La Laguna) Luther King (Aldea Blanca & La Laguna) Deutsche Schule (Tabaiba Alta, Santa Cruz)

three-course meal with wine flowing. And quite right, too, because they raised a staggering 5,733.80 euros. The atmosphere was buzzing and former TEAs winner Sally Anne provided the entertainment. Following the meal Liz Montague, who runs Helping Hands, spoke about the centres which benefit from her fund-

raising charity group. The first is the Guaidyl Children’s Centre in Granadilla, which supports orphan children, and, secondly, the CEE Disabled school in Guargacho, taking care of children with Cerebral Palsy. Liz went on to tell diners about her recent project, aimed at raising funds to purchase a mini-bus for the Guai-

dyl Centre. And what a good start! It was also announced that tour operators Thomas Cook and TUI would again be supporting Helping Hands as their charity. If you would like to learn more about Helping Hands, you can follow them on Facebook or on the website http:// www.helpinghandstenerife.com/

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Advertorial

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

CANARIES and British Aluminium Systems SL (CBAS) has won many friends in Tenerife, having served customers here since 1992.

The company, initially providing glass, doors and windows from a small local, and now based at its own factory and showroom in Las Chafiras, has established an excellent reputation in aluminium products over the years. Since those early days, many products and services have been added to the firm’s portfolio. And recent, major enhancements include the company being the sole registered and approved installer of the stunning “allglass” glass curtain systems, and a major German company offering a partnership in UPVC systems. In April 2012 the business changed hands with a new management team, headed by Mark Fidgeon, providing even more services. Now, CBAS can offer fully- comprehensive and professional construction, which is a service Mark himself has

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CBAS reeling in the competition

built up here in Tenerife. Mark’s history before settling on the Island many years ago was steeped in the construction world, as Production Director for Taylor Woodrow. He has a degree in construction management, is a member of the Chartered Institute of Builders, and his experience and knowledge is second to none. Mark is supported by his management team of John Woodman, Julie Hunt and Rod Witham, who bring their own individual skills to the

business. The ethos is to build on the CBAS foundations, to improve on the products and customer-service levels, and to demonstrate that professional businesses on the Island really can succeed. The future for CBAS certainly looks bright, and, while, the management team have changed, other staff have remained in place. With this stable base, the business will continue to look at expanding, from its current level of 28 employees, making CBAS an important em-

ployer in the South. All in all, it has become a “one-stop solution” for all construction and remedial work, with new products and solutions always at the forefront. Finding a company capable of taking care of virtually anything a property owner needs can be difficult, as many of you will be aware especially in a foreign country. But CBAS customers can have complete confidence in the company, which has a multi-lingual staff. Rest assured you will

have no worries, whether you require new windows or wardrobes, right up to a conversion or new build. Everything is done in a professional manner, including applications for all planning permissions and licences, which can be quite a minefield for property owners over here. Visit the comprehensive CBAS website at www.cbas.eu and you will see pictures of previous jobs, together with recommendations from happy clients. It also features the services offered, such as installing new frameless, folding-glass curtains ideal for balconies and terraces; tiling; shower screens and cubicles; insect screens; all types of door and window systems; partitions; electric and manual gates; garage doors; pergolas; balustrades; roofing, etc.

Another big plus for CBAS is that it does not use middle men. It manufactures on site at its offices and workshops on Calle Caracas, Las Chafiras. The directions are simple: with Iceland on your right, take the second turn left after the ITV station and CBAS is behind Autos Tenerife, on the auction house junction. The team will be pleased to meet you and provide a free, no-obligation quote for whatever job you need, big or small. All nationalities can be helped - with Spanish, Italian and German all spoken … over and above English, of course! For further details about the company and its products, check out www.cbas.eu, call 922 736 738 or email info@ canariesbritish.com - all nationalities welcome.

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www.canarianweekly.com

The Ferguson Files

By Joe Ferguson

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Here’s exactly what happened

feed the thirst of conspiracy theorists, who have nothing to do now because of the internet, smart phones and HD cameras. For many decades there have been conspiracy “sightings” of UFO’s and the Loch Ness Monster. But for the last 10 years, not a thing on both. Ever wondered why? Because everyone has a phone with a camera. We no longer have to put up with grainy pictures and a so called “expert” telling us he can see the hump of a monster! There’s no such animal in the water. And remember, there would have to be at least two Nessies. Or is it three, as they would need to have reproduced? In

fact, make that four because you would need a Mummy and a Daddy offspring! As for UFOs, I refuse to believe we are alone in the universe, but we have not seen anything to convince me we are being sought by alien life. The disappearance of the plane is a mystery, yes, but only because we cannot the find the plane just yet. And when found, It’s going to be wreckage! The conspiracy stories doing the rounds, especially written and believed by Daily Mail readers, are getting ridiculous. Apparently, it’s a new ray gun that the Americans tested out. Where did that brilliant insight come from? Iran! Says it

all, don’t you think. The captain has taken them hostage and is hiding in a Vietnam jungle. Okay, let’s for one moment think this is true. Ask yourself one question. Where in the jungle are you going to get the space to land a Boeing 777 jet? I need go no further with that one. People seem to think that because the Black Box can be put through all kinds of damage and come out unscathed, and because the authorities are not releasing the information on it, it means some kind of conspiracy is happening. That’s an easy one to answer. The Black Box is on board the plane and they can’t find the

plane as yet. So how could they? But the most stupid theory, and one that the majority of people, even friends of mine, are starting to believe, makes my head ready to explode with frustration. Yet again, this is a story “made up” by bored pressmen. They have been reporting that the phones from the passengers on board are still ringing, and that the message facilities on Facebook site show they are online. So, going by that statement, they should be easy to find. As a matter of fact, it couldn’t be easier. If the phones are still working, I would love one that has that battery life after nearly a week! The majority of those phones will have GPS, so the authorities will find them straight away. But all is not that easy with conspiracy theorists. They believe the GPS signal has been turned off because “they are all in it”. In what? Can 269 people really get the same airline just to vanish? Why would they do that? And that’s the biggest problem with conspiracy theories. They are full of info which makes no sense - and there’s never a reason why! So what happened? A catastrophic mid-air incident happened. The wreckage will be found, and the families will, at least, have some kind of closure.

around - or end up in prison like Michael Kinsella? The charity says 33% of ex-players get divorced within a year of retiring, 40% are declared bankrupt within five years of their last game, and 80% will suffer osteoarthritis. Dean Holdsworth, former Bolton and Wimbledon striker and now, Managing Director of Xpro, says they help ex-

pros with all manner of problems: rehabilitation for addiction and stress-related disorders, relieving debt concerns, employment and retraining, among others. He told Goal.com: “Every footballer is branded the same as the top 10% or 20% of Premier League players,’ “When you run a charity alongside football, it’s not something people

say they need. In some cases, it couldn’t be further from the truth. “We manage the majority, not the minority because .many Premier League players won’t need help with finances or welfare.” Accountants Deloitte reckon the average Premier League salary is £23,000 a week, which drops to £5,000 in the Championship. Holdsworth says an

alarming number of players don’t plan for a future from what is a short career. The first contact Xpro has from most players is a panicked phone call when their contracts are about to finish. “For top players the issue is a loss of status,” he adds. “But for the lad who has been released by Accrington, the concern may be how to pay the mortgage.”

AS you may have been reading on page 3, search crews from around the world have helped in the hunt for the Malaysian plane missing since last Friday.

The fact that 269 passengers and crew are now “missing” makes it the biggest tragedy so far this year. And my thoughts are with the families of those on board. We have seen the anger at the airports, understandable because no information is being given out. But that frustration will have to be kept in longer as we are nowhere near to getting the mystery solved. Since the news came out of the jet disappearing from the radar, all sorts of false reporting has come out. Yes, we are still in the hands of terrorists in this day and age. And it’s only a matter of time before a travesty happens again, But the news really did go overboard for five days, and that is unforgivable. Two passengers flying on stolen passports was the main headline. Eve-

ry newspaper and rolling news channel stayed with this for 24 hours, day after day. We now know they were two guys seeking asylum in Germany. And the fact that thousands fly each day on stolen or false passports was never mentioned. The news agencies need to get a grip of themselves. As reporters, they must make sure the information is correct and can stand up, so that we, the viewer, listener and reader, can trust them. They are all helping to

Contact Joe at: www.facebook.com/joeferguson.921 Twitter: @djjoeferguson

Poor old footballers! FORGET Wayne Rooney’s 1.2 million wages a month (if you can), the reality for many retired players outside the Premier League top-flight is very different.

No multi-millionpound bank balances

for them. No property portfolio, no suite of luxury cars, all bought and paid for and driven very rarely. According to Xpro, a charity set up for the welfare of ex-pros, life after football for most players is far more challenging. With as many as 700 players facing the scrapheap after being released from their clubs, will they turn their lives

www.canarianweekly.com 14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

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Guide

Live From Space Sunday 16th March, Channel 4, 19:30 In this pioneering two-and-a-half-hour live broadcast from the International Space Station and Mission Control in Houston, viewers can interact with the astronauts onboard the ISS 250 miles above Earth as they travel around the planet in 90 minutes, at speeds of up to 17,500 mph. The astronauts share their breathtaking views of Earth, with live links to English-speaking astronauts Rick Mastracchio and Koichi Wakata.

Don't Miss...

F1: Grand Prix Sunday 16th March, BBC1, 14:00 Australian Grand Prix - Highlights. Suzi Perry presents highlights of the opening grand prix of the 2014 Formula One season in Melbourne, Australia. All-conquering Red Bull driver Sebastian Vettel is aiming for an incredible fifth straight world title. The German was also aiming to break Alberto Ascari’s record of nine straight grand prix victories, which he tied in Brazil on the final race of last season. Ferrari will be strong challengers this year, with two former world champions in their ranks following Kimi Raikkonen’s arrival to join Fernando Alonso. Great Britain’s two world champions, Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton, again line up on the grid for McLaren and Mercedes respectively. Canarian Weekly Preview on page 46.

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TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Friday 06:00 ............................Breakfast 09:15 .....................Heir Hunters 10:00............ Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 ............. Countryside 999 11:45 .......................... Watchdog Test House 12:15 ....................Bargain Hunt 13:00 .............. BC News at One 13:30 ......... BBC London News 13:45 .............................. Doctors 14:15 ......................... Perfection 15:00 ............................Escape to the Country 15:45 ..................James Martin’s Food Map of Britain 16:15 ................................. Flog it! Trade Secrets 17:15 ............................ Pointless 18:00 ........ BBC News at Six 18:30 .... BBC London News 19:00............The One Show 19:30................. A Question of Sport 20:00 ................ EastEnders 20:30.................. Room 101 21:00..........Jonathan Creek 22:00 ....... BBC News at Ten 22:25..... BBC London News 22:35 ................. New Tricks 23:35.... Would I Lie to You?

W C ch o i ce

Friday 06:05 ................. Homes Under the Hammer 07:05 ...........Countryside 999 07:50 ........................ Watchdog Test House 08:20 ............................. Wanted Down Under 09:05.......... The Great Interior Design Challenge 10:05 .........Pound Shop Wars 10:35 ........... The Travel Show 11:00........................ BBC News 12:00.......... The Daily Politics 13:00 ................... The A to Z of TV Cooking 13:20 ........................War Walks 13:50 ..................British Isles: A Natural History 14:40 ....... Cagney and Lacey 15:25........................... Bergerac 16:15 .................Are You Being Served? 16:45......................... ‘Allo, ‘Allo! 17:15 ....Antiques Roadshow 18:00 .........Revenge of the Egghead 18:30 ............Sport Relief’s Top Dog 19:00... Antiques Road Trip 20:00 .............Mastermind 20:30 .... Gardeners’ World 21:00...........I Was There: W Coice The Great War ch Interviews 22:00 ..............................QI 22:30 ............... Newsnight 23:05 ...... The Last Station

Frid

06:00........................... Daybreak 08:30.............................. Lorraine 09:25......................... The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 .................... This Morning 11:25............................ ITV News 11:30..................... This Morning 12:30.................. Loose Women 13:30............................. ITV News and Weather 14:00......................... Dickinson’s Real Deal 15:00 ............................. The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:00.................... Tipping Point 17:00 ..........................The Chase 18:00 ...... ITV News London 18:30............. ITV News and Weather 19:00................. Emmerdale 19:30................. Coronation Street 20:00......... Student Nurses: Bedpans and Bandages 20:30..................Coronation Street 21:00 ......... Edge of Heaven 22:00................ ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:35 ...........The Americans 23:35............The Americans

I Was There: The Great War Interviews BBC2, 21.00

Using never-before-seen interview footage with soldiers and civilians, BBC Two’s I Was There: The Great War Interviews illuminates the personal experience of the Great War, through the eyes of those who survived it. In the early 1960s, the BBC interviewed close to 300 eye-witnesses of the First World War for the landmark series The Great War. But only a tiny fraction of the recorded interviews made it to air. The film negatives were preserved by the Imperial War Museum and 50 years after they were filmed, this programme presents the very best of the original interview material. Most of it has never been broadcast before. I Was There is a moving tribute to the human face of war - from the horrors of artillery bombardment and the anguish of young men forced to become killers, to fleeting outbreaks of peace on the battlefield, and the heartbreaking stories of the women on the home front who feared for those closest to them. This is the Great War as visceral, lived reality, with eyewitnesses still spry, alert and passionate. It is the closest we’ll ever get to what it was really like for those who were there. To complement I Was There, BBC Four Collections has commissioned a series of 13 films, The Great War Interviews, which features selected interviews from the recordings for The Great War series in their entirety. I Was There: The Great War Interviews will also be specially re-versioned for use in schools by the BBC Learning team as part of the BBC’s extensive digital resource for the World War One Centenary.

day

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Friday

14th

March

06:10................. Will and Grace

06:00..................... Children’s TV

06:00 ........................Emmerdale

06:00............................. M.I. High

06:00 ........................... Switched

07:00............. Everybody Loves Raymond

08:15 ..........................Peppa Pig

07:00 .....You’ve Been Framed!

06:30 .............................M.I. High

06:25 ..................................90210

08:00 ...........The Morning Line

08:35 .................................. Toby’s Travelling Circus

07:25..... You’ve Been Framed!

07:00 ...................... Robin Hood

07:10 ......................... Ugly Betty

09:00 .................................Frasier

08:45 .......Bananas in Pyjamas

07:45......................... The Jeremy Kyle Show USA

08:00 ........................ Masterchef South Africa

08:00 ........................... Charmed

10:30 ............. Undercover Boss Canada

09:00 ........................ Tickety Toc

08:30 ...................... Dinner Date

09:00 ................................The Bill

09:15 ..............The Wright Stuff

10:00..............................New Girl

11:25......................... Paralympic Winter Games

10:00 ................................The Bill

11:10..........Police Interceptors

09:30 ..... The Real Housewives of Atlanta

10:30.......... The Mindy Project

10:30 ..... The Real Housewives of New Jersey

11:00....................... Doctor Who

11:00 ........................... Charmed

12:00............................Babylon 5

12:00 ... Rules of Engagement

13:00 .......................... Sanctuary

12:30............................Hollyoaks

14:00 ........ Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

13:00 .......................... How I Met Your Mother

15:00 ................ Fantasy Homes by the Sea

14:00..... The Big Bang Theory

16:00...................... Doctor Who

15:30 ..........The Mindy Project

12:30 .............. Channel 4 News Summary 12:35...... Cheltenham Festival 16:30.....................Four in a Bed 17:00....... Come Dine with Me 18:00 ............The Simpsons 18:30 .................. Hollyoaks 19:00 ........ Channel 4 News 19:30................. Paralympic Winter Games 20:00 .........Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

12:10 .........5 News Lunchtime 12:15 .........Dangerous Drivers’ School 13:15 .............Home and Away 13:45 ...................... Neighbours 14:15 ...........Diagnosis Murder 15:15 .......... Desperate Escape 17:00....................... 5 News at 5 17:30 ...................... Neighbours 18:00 ........Home and Away 18:30 ............Newstalk Live 19:00 ..... The Gadget Show

11:30 ..................The Millionaire Matchmaker 12:30........................ Emmerdale 13:30 .....You’ve Been Framed! 14:00.. The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:10 ..... The Real Housewives of New Jersey 17:05.................. The Millionaire Matchmaker 18:00 ............... Dinner Date

17:00........................... Babylon 5 18:00........ The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour of Britain 19:00 .................Masterchef South Africa

09:00..................................... Glee

15:00 .............................New Girl 16:00 ... Rules of Engagement 17:00 .......................... How I Met Your Mother 18:00........................ The Big Bang Theory

21:00 ................ Gogglebox

20:00.......Ice Road Truckers

19:00.......................... You’ve Been Framed!

22:00..........The Last Leg

21:00 ........ Booze, Bust-Ups and Brothels: Soho Blues

20:00 ...................... Two and a Half Men

22:00 ................ Cops Uncut

19:30........................ The Big Bang Theory

22:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles

21:00.............. White Chicks

23:00 ....................Stranded

20:00.............................Troy

23:00 ....................... CSI: NY

23:20 .............. Take Me Out

23:55 ..................Air Medics

21:00.... Beverly Hills Cop II

06:00 ........Nothing to Declare 06:30 ........Nothing to Declare 08:00... RSPCA Animal Rescue 10:00....... Fat Families: Second Helpings 11:00.....Obese: A Year to Save My Life USA 12:00.............. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 14:00 ................Criminal Minds 16:00 .........Emergency Animal Rescue 17:00 ........... Sun, Sea and A&E 18:00.... Nothing to Declare 18:30.... Nothing to Declare 19:00....... My Kitchen Rules 20:00.................. CSI: Miami 21:00................ The Blacklis 22:00.........CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 ......... Criminal Minds

07:00 ................... Radical Highs

06:00 .............Thirtysomething

07:15 ...............Motorway Cops

07:00....................... Blue Bloods

08:00....................... Man v Food

08:00 .......Star Trek: Enterprise

08:30....................... Man v Food

09:00 ............... Without a Trace

09:00............................. Top Gear

10:00....................... Blue Bloods

10:00 .............................Top Gear

11:00................... Stargate SG-1

11:00................Motorway Cops

12:00................ Without a Trace

12:00....................... Man v Food

13:00 ..................................House

12:30....................... Man v Food

14:00.................................. House

13:00 .............................Top Gear

15:00 .......Star Trek: Enterprise

15:00 ...............Motorway Cops

16:00 ............... Without a Trace

16:00....................... Man v Food

17:00........................Blue Bloods

16:30....................... Man v Food

18:00......................... House

17:00 .............................Top Gear

19:00 .........................House

19:00........ Storage Hunters

20:00................ Blue Bloods

20:00............................ Suits

21:00 ............The Following

21:00.... Dynamo: Magician Impossible

22:00 .............. Nurse Jackie

06:00................. Good Morning Sports Fans 09:00 .....................................FL72 10:00... ATP Tennis Uncovered 10:30 .........Indian Wells Tennis 11:30 .............. Barclays Premier League World 12:00 ............................. Ringside 13:00 .....................................FL72 14:00 .............. Barclays Premier League World 14:30 ............................. Ringside 15:30 ...............The Rugby Club 16:30 ....................Super League Superstars 17:00 ................Extreme Sports 17:30 ....................Spanish Gold 18:00..................Champions League Weekly 18:30 ................The Fantasy Football Club 19:30.............Rugby League

CW ch oi ce

22:5........... 8 Out of 10 Cats

23:35..................... Brooklyn Nine-Nine

06:00.............. UK Border Force 07:00 ....................... Airline USA 08:00 ................Modern Family 09:00 ...........................Futurama 10:00 ................... Hawaii Five-0 12:00.......... NCIS: Los Angeles 14:00 ................. Harrow: A Very British School 15:00 ......... Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie 16:00............................Futurama 17:00.................. The Simpsons 17:30 ................Modern Family 18:30............ The Simpsons 20:30 ..........Modern Family 21:00 ..........................Stella 22:00 ..............Duck Quacks Don’t Echo 23:00................ Moone Boy 23:30...... NCIS: Los Angeles

20:00................ Traffic Cops 21:00 ......... Motorway Cops

22:00 ........... Not Going Out

22:35........................ Tell Me You Love Me

23:20 ..........Mock the Week

23:50..................... The Wire

19:00 .................. Hollyoaks

23 CW

W C ch o i ce

The Last Leg Channel 4, 22:00

The award-winning gang show continues live on Friday nights with a joyful, offbeat take on the week. Returning as host is 2013 British Comedy Award winner Adam Hills and co-hosts Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker. In the penultimate episode of this series Jennifer Sauders joins the trio to look at the weird and wonderful talking points of the week including the stories and highlights from the 2014 Winter Olympic and Paralympic Games. The show also includes the regular feature: Is It OK? Viewers at home and the studio audience are encouraged to ask this question about anything from the week, without fear of judgement, and the three hosts attempt to step into the minefield of sometimes difficult and delicate areas and answer the questions with their own unique insight.

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TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Saturday Saturday 06:00............................ Breakfast 10:00.............................. Saturday Kitchen Live 11:30................. Football Focus 12:00 ..........................BBC News 12:05 ................ Regional News 12:10............................. Weather

W C ch o i ce The Voice UK BBC1, 19.15 Expect tears of sadness and joy as seven become three when the remaining contestants of The Voice UK sing their hearts out to win a place in their coaches’ teams at the live shows. On Saturday and Sunday evening, tensions and adrenaline will be running high as the artists take it in turns to step into the limelight and perform one last time before the live finals for coaches Kylie, Ricky, Tom and will.i.am. The artist must choose just one solo song that they think will give them the best chance to impress their coach. In a dramatic twist, each singer will take it in turn to perform on stage in front of his or her team while the rest wait anxiously in the wings. The coaches can take only three singers through to the live shows - tune in to find out who will win one of the three coveted spaces and get closer to being crowned the winner of The Voice UK 2014.

12:15......................... Six Nations Rugby Union

Italy v England. The final round of fixtures in the 2014 Six Nationsch oi ce get under way in Rome as England travel to face Italy. England have won all 19 matches they have played against the Italians, but certainly didn’t have it all their own way when they last played at the Stadio Olimpico; they had to survive a few scares before eventually prevailing 19-15 in snowy conditions two years ago. That was only Stuart Lancaster’s second game in charge as England’s head coach, but his side are really starting to take shape ahead of the World Cup on home soil next year. Presenter Jason Mohammad is joined by Sir Clive Woodward, Lewis Moody and Carlo Del Fava in the studio, while Alistair BruceBall and Andy Robinson provide commentary.

14:30 .........................Six Nations Rugby Union Wales v Scotland. Gabby Logan presents as the penultimate game of the 2014 Six Nations takes place in Cardiff between Wales and Scotland. Gabby is joined in the studio by Andy Nicol, Shane Williams and Martyn Williams, while Andrew Cotter, Jonathan Davies and Chris Paterson provide the commentary. Wales entered the tournament chasing an unprecedented third straight title, but soon saw their bid for back-toback Grand Slams quashed as they lost to Ireland on the second weekend.

06:10 ....................Barking Mad: Sports Relief

09:25............................ ITV News

06:40.................... Barking Mad: Sports Relief

10:30 ......... Murder, She Wrote

07:10 ....................Barking Mad: Sports Relief 07:40.....................Barking Mad: Sports Relief 08:10 ....................Barking Mad: Sports Relief 08:40 .................... Life on Earth 10:30.................... Fred Dibnah’s Made in Britain 11:00.......................Great British Railway Journeys 11:30 .................. James Martin: Home Comforts 12:15.......... Mary Berry Cooks 12:45................. James Stewart Talking Pictures 13:35 ..................................Rope! 14:55 ............ F1 the Australian Grand Prix Qualifying Highlights 16:25........................ Final Score 17:30 .................Llanelly House Restored 18:30........................ Flog It! 19:30 ................Dad’s Army 20:00 ................ The Perfect Morecambe and Wise 20:30 .............Viking Art - A Culture Show Special

09:30 ...................... Dinner Date 11:30 .............................ITV News 11:35 ................... The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 12:05 .......The Unforgettable... 12:35........................ The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 13:35........ Midsomer Murders 15:35......................... Zookeeper 17:35 ................Local News and Weather 17:45............................. ITV News and Weather 18:00......................... You’ve Been Framed! 19:00 ............. Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 20:20.................... The Cube

NEW SERIES 21:20........The Americans Having recovered from her injuries suffered on the last mission, Elizabeth (Keri Russell) returns home just in time for her son Henry’s birthday party, and she and Philip (Matthew Rhys) try to restore a sense of normalcy to their family’s everyday “American” life. While Henry is just overjoyed to have his mom back (ostensibly from caring for a sick aunt), daughter Paige’s nagging suspicions about her parents’ curious activities have only continued to grow in her mother’s absence; her snooping reveals an unexpected discovery, and raises concerns for Philip and Elizabeth. Later, what begins as a routine family outing takes an unprecedented turn when Philip is swept up in another KGB team’s operation and forced to break one of his own cardinal rules. When the relatively mundane op goes terribly awry, Philip and Elizabeth worry that they’ve put their cover identities at risk, revealed their network, and unwittingly exposed their children to unknown enemies with deadly intentions.

20:35............... The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins

Andrew Graham-Dixon explores the splendours of Viking art. The Vikings are famous for their violent raids on Anglo-Saxon monasteries, incredible shipbuilding skills and general brutality, but the precious fragments of art that survive from the Viking Age portray a far more mysterious side to Viking culture. From the so-called ‘gripping beast’ motif of the Oseberg wood carvings to the abstract animal ornamentation that adorns Viking jewellery, Viking art is defined by beautiful intricate artistic styles. These styles are distinctly Scandinavian yet also show the Vikings’ interaction with other cultures, culminating in their conversion from paganism to Christianity.

21:25 .....................Casualty

21:30 ............................... QI

22:15................... BBC News

22:00 ............. Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle

22:20............. ITV News and Weather

22:30..................Page Eight

22:35 .................The Return

16:30 .........................Six Nations Rugby Union 19:00................... BBC News 19:13 .....................Weather 19:15.........The Voice UK

ch oi ce

22:28 .....................Weather 22:30 ...... Match of the Day

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Saturday Saturday 15th March 05:45 .......... Paralympic Winter Games

06:00..................... Children’s TV

13:30 ........... Channel 4 Racing 16:10 ...... Come Dine with Me

06:00 ....Emmerdale Omnibus

06:15 ................................The Bill

06:00 ........................... Switched 06:30 .......... Make it or Break it

10:15 ...............................Police 5

08:40 ............Coronation Street Omnibus

07:00 ................................The Bill 08:00 ................................The Bill

18:10........ Channel 4 News

11:05 ..... The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

07:30 ......................... Ugly Betty

10:45...................It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief

09:00 ................................The Bill

08:30 ........................... Charmed

18:30................. Paralympic Winter Games

11:45............................Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away!

12:00 ..... The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

10:00 ............... Jonathan Creek

09:30 .....................................Glee

11:00............... Jonathan Creek

19:05......... Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

12:45 ........................... The Hotel Inspector

13:00.... The Only Way is Essex

12:00........... Emergency Bikers

10:30 .......................... How I Met Your Mother

13:00............Emergency Bikers

11:30.... Rules of Engagement

20:00 ................... Hostages

13:45........... Kate and Leopold

14:40................................. Flipper

14:00............... Motorway Cops

14:00 .....The Big Bang Theory

21:00 .................... Limitless

15:55 ........................... Columbo

15:40.............................. FYI Daily

15:00.................... Stansted: The Inside Story

14:30 .....The Big Bang Theory

Bradley Cooper, Abbie Cornish and Robert De Niro star in Neil Burger’s kinetic action-thriller about a man who takes an experimental drug enabling him to use 100% of his brain. Out-of-work writer Eddie has hit rock bottom; he’s struggling with creative block and has been dumped by his girlfriend Lindy. But when his former brother-inlaw Vernon introduces him to a new designer pharmaceutical called NZT, that all begins to change. Suddenly able to recall everything he’s ever seen, heard and read, and imbued with supernatural capacity to focus and think, he knocks off 90 pages of his new book in a night.

10:00 .................................Access

Feature-length detective drama. A publisher sees red when his bestselling detective novelist decides to sign with a rival. Hiring a Vietnam vet to kill the writer in exchange for publishing the ex-soldier’s book on explosives, the publisher sets about establishing an alibi for himself. However, a key left behind at the murder scene gives Columbo all the information he needs to nail his man.

17:50 ........................... Columbo 19:05 ....................... CSI: NY 20:00............................ NCIS 21:00 ........................... NCIS

23:05........... The Rum Diary

21:55 ....................... 5 News

07:45 ........................... 12 Years a Slave Special

06:00... RSPCA Animal Rescue

08:00....................... The Fantasy Football Club

07:00... RSPCA Animal Rescue

09:00 .............Sky Sports Game Changers 10:00....................... Soccer A.M. 12:00 ...............World Wrestling Entertainment Superstars 13:00 .....................................Glee 14:00................................ Sinbad 15:00............................Futurama 16:00................ Modern Family 16:30................ Modern Family 19:00............ The Simpsons 20:00 ................A League of Their Own 21:00......................... Arrow 22:00................. Revolution 23:00 ................A League of Their Own

14:30.....................The Hot Desk

15:45................................. Flipper 16:40........................ Britain’s Got More Talent 17:45...................Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed 18:45......................FYI Daily 18:50.............Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed 19:35..... Batman and Robin 20:35......................FYI Daily 20:40..... Batman and Robin 22:00............Celebrity Juice 22:50............ Crazy Beaches 23:20.................40 Days and 40 Nights

16:00.................... Stansted: The Inside Story 17:00................... Wildest Africa 18:00............ Wildest Africa 19:00.......... Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities 19:30......... Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities 20:00..... Dynamo: Magician Impossible 21:00..............Stansted: The Inside Story 22:00..............Stansted: The Inside Story

15:00........................... How I Met Your Mother 16:00 ................ Rude(Ish) Tube 16:30 ................ Rude(Ish) Tube 17:00 ..................... 2 Broke Girls 18:00 ....................... The Big Bang Theory 19:00........... How I Met Your Mother 19:30........... How I Met Your Mother 20:00............ The Tomorrow People 21:00.....................Aliens

ch oi ce

23:00...... Emergency Bikers

23:00.................. Rude Tube

07:00 .......Ray Mears’ Northern Wilderness

06:00...............Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets

06:00............... Barclays Premier League Preview

08:00............................. Top Gear

07:00........................ Iconoclasts

06:30............................. Ringside

09:00 .............................Top Gear

08:00.............................. Seinfeld

10:00 ..............Storage Hunters

08:30 .............................. Seinfeld

07:30.............. Barclays Premier League Preview

10:00........................Fat Families

10:30.............. Storage Hunters

09:00 .......Star Trek: Enterprise

13:00 ...... Fat Families: Second Helpings

11:00.............................. Flip Men

10:00 .......Star Trek: Enterprise

12:00 ..........Lizard Lick Towing

14:00.............My Kitchen Rules

13:00 .............................Top Gear

11:00 ......... Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

15:00................. America’s Next Top Model

15:00.............. Storage Hunters

12:00 .............................Mankind

12:00............................... Football

15:30.............. Storage Hunters

13:00..............................Mankind

16:00 ........Nothing to Declare

16:00 ..........Lizard Lick Towing

14:00............................ The Pitch

14:30 .................Saturday Night Football: Team Talk

17:30 ........Nothing to Declare

17:00 .............................Top Gear

15:00....................... Blue Bloods

18:00..... Dynamo: Magician Impossible

16:00....................... Blue Bloods

20:00 ........CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

19:00........ Storage Hunters

18:00 ......... Without a Trace

21:00................ Elementary

20:00 ...........................QI XL

19:00 ......... Without a Trace

21:00 ...... Gavin and Stacey

20:00 ........................ Smash

23:00 ..........Mock the Week

21:00 ...........True Detective

22:00........... Saturday Night Football: Match Choice

23:40 ...........................QI XL

22:20 ............... Pulp Fiction

23:30.......... Fl 72 Highlights

06:30... RSPCA Animal Rescue 07:30... RSPCA Animal Rescue 09:00........................Fat Families

18:00.... Nothing to Declare 18:30 ... Nothing to Declare

22:00.............. The Blacklist 23:00 ....................Hannibal

17:00 .......................Blue Bloods

08:00 ....................... The Fantasy Football Club 09:00.............. Game Changers 10:00 ....................... Soccer A.M.

15:00 .................. Gillette Soccer Saturday 17:00 .......Ford Saturday Night Football Live 20:00........... Saturday Night Football: Game of the Day

25 CW

W C ch o i ce Aliens E4, 21:00

James Cameron directed this frightening, high-octane sequel, with Sigourney Weaver reprising her role as Ellen Ripley. After 57 years in deep sleep, Ripley and ship’s cat Jones are rescued from the escape capsule of the starship Nostromo, the sole survivors of the alien attack. Back on Earth, Ripley learns that the planet where she and her late crewmates made alien contact has since been colonised for mining, and all communication has been lost. Ripley joins a group of marines sent to investigate, accompanied by mining company representative Burke and android Bishop. Inside the colonists’ complex, they find just one survivor, a terrified girl called Newt, who reveals that the aliens are using the human hosts to incubate their young... Meanwhile, Ripley becomes increasingly suspicious of a hidden agenda behind the mission.

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TV Guide

W C ch o i ce

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Sunday Sunday Sun 06:00 ..................................... CITV

07:25 ............Match of the Day

06:00 ................. I Know Where I’m Going

09:00 .......................The Andrew Marr Show

07:30 ....................Monty Don’s Italian Gardens

09:30 ............................... Murder, She Wrote

10:00 ..........The Big Questions

08:30 ..................... Countryfile

11:00 ................Sunday Politics

09:25........................ Gardeners’ World

10:30......................... Dickinson’s Real Deal

06:00 ............................Breakfast

12:15 ....................MOTD2 Extra 13:00.......................... BBC News 13:10 ................Weather for the Week Ahead

BBC2, 21.00 An army of celebrated veteran champions are tempted out of retirement for the Olly Moran Memorial Race at the Arena Essex Raceway, and will complete alongside the best of today’s younger drivers for the event trophies. Tonight’s episode follows two rival teams from the sport’s glory days as they prepare for the big race, transforming their vehicles and psyching themselves up to compete for one last show-down. United in their choice of race vehicle, the battle is on to source Britain’s last remaining supply of mark one and two Ford Granadas. Once they are race-track ready, the teams will use the cars to smash each other up. The legendary pink team, The Condoms, will be ‘trading paint’ with the infamous yellow Suicide Squad who have been absent from the track for 15 years. Billie, aka ‘Bill the Skill’, a key figure in The Condoms team, has regrets that he wasn’t ‘the best of fathers’ and is very keen to make amends as a granddad, he is hoping that his young grandson will be able to come along and witness him racing for the first and last time, if his nerves don’t get the better of him that is. With the show-down looming, Steve D, aka ‘Captain Condom’, oversees the team and the mechanical work involved in getting the vehicles ready. Steve T is The Suicide Squad’s star player. His son Dan can’t remember seeing him racing as a young boy, and is excited about getting to see him one more time, and helps to track down and re-build his car ahead of the big day. Boxer and haulage-firm owner, 63-year-old Roy, is the oldest retired driver to return to the track for the race. Without any team alliances, maverick Roy will race alone. Will these former banger racing champs and their bespoke transformed Granadas prove they’ve not lost their old magic and nerve as race day finally arrives? And will The Suicide Squad beat The Condoms one last time?

11:25............................. ITV News and Weather 11:30..................River Monsters

13:15 ....................Bargain Hunt

11:25 .................James Martin: Home Comforts

12:30..............Crocodile Hunter Diaries

14:00 ........... F1: The Australian Grand Prix Highlights

12:10 ............................... Michel Roux’s Service

16:00.......Deadly on a Mission: Pole to Pole

13:10 ............................... Michel Roux’s Service

13:30..................................All Star Family Fortunes

16:35 ............................... Lifeline

14:10................. Rear Window

16:45 ............................Escape to the Country

16:00.............................. Flog It!

17:15................ Songs of Praise

Fast And Fearless: Britain’s Banger Racers

09:55........... Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

09:25 ............................ITV News

17:50 ..........................BBC News 18:05.......... Regional News 18:10......................Weather 18:15.................. Blandings 18:45 ................ Countryfile 19:45 ............. The Voice UK

16:30 ................Collectaholics 17:30 .............End of the Pier? 18:00 ......The Hairy Bikers: Restoration Road Trip 19:00.............. Wild Burma 20:00................... Top Gear

14:15 ..............Agatha Christie’s Marple 16:15 ............The Man with the Golden Gun 18:35 ..........Local News and Weather 18:45 ............. ITV News and Weather 19:00 .............. Catchphrase 20:00.........Harry’s South CW Pole Heroes choice

22:15.......... Regional News

21:00...............Fast and W C Fearless: Britain’s choice 21:00 ...............Mr Selfridge 22:00................ ITV News at Bangers Racers Ten and Weather 22:00........ Mock the Week

22:20..................... Weather

22:30 .............Line of Duty

22:25.... Match of the Day 2

23:30.......... Revolutionary Road

21:00......... The Musketeers 22:00 .................. BBC News

23:25 ........ Minority Report

22:15............ You Saw Them Here First 23:15............LV=Cup Rugby

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

nday Sunday Sunday 16th March 05:30................. Paralympic Winter Games

06:00..................... Children’s TV 10:00 .................Power Rangers Super Samurai 10:35 ................Power Rangers: Megaforce 11:00................................. Access 11:05............ Ice Road Truckers 11:25 .......... Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son 13:30............. Doctor Dolittle 3

10:30.......... Sunday Brunch 13:30 ....................... The Big Bang Theory 13:55 ............The Simpsons 14:25.............The Simpsons 14:50 .........Deal or No Deal 15:45 .................Paralympic Winter Games 18:10........ Channel 4 News

15:20 ................ Arthur and The Invisibles 17:05......................The Haunted Mansion Creepy family comedy starring Eddie Murphy. A workaholic estate agent and his family become trapped in a Gothic mansion as they try to lift an ancient curse placed upon it, encountering a host of ghosts and ghouls along the way. Family entertainment featuring some elaborate special effects based on the popular Disneyland ride.

18:30.......... The Floods That Foiled New Year: Caught on Camera

18:45............ Hellboy II: The Golden Army

19:30 ........Live From Space

20:55........................ 5 News

22:05 .................Terminator Salvation

21:00 ..................Killer Elite

06:00 .........The Hour of Power 07:00 .....................................Glee 09:00 ................Modern Family 09:30...................... Monuments Men Special 10:00 ...............World Wrestling Entertainment Superstars 11:00 ............ WWE Experience 12:00................................ Sinbad 13:00........................... Futurama 14:00................ Modern Family 16:00 ...................Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 17:00 ................Modern Family 17:30 .....................Duck Quacks Don’t Echo 18:00............ The Simpsons 19:00 ...................... Cosmos 20:00 ............The Simpsons 21:00............. Hawaii Five-0 22:00..... NCIS: Los Angeles

06:00.................................. RSPCA Animal Rescue 06:30.................................. RSPCA Animal Rescue

W C ch o i ce

23:10.....On Deadly Ground

07:00.................................. RSPCA Animal Rescue 09:00......Sports Women Week 09:30.....................The Real A&E 11:00 ................. America’s Next Top Model 12:00 ............My Kitchen Rules 13:00 ........... Sun, Sea and A&E

23:00 ............... Who Do You Think You Are?

06:00 .......... Make it or Break it 07:00 ......................... Ugly Betty 08:00 ........................... Charmed 09:00 .......................... How I Met Your Mother 09:30 .......................... How I Met Your Mother 10:00 .......Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:30 ............................ Revenge 13:30 ................ Rude(Ish) Tube 14:00 ................ Rude(Ish) Tube 14:30..................... 2 Broke Girls 15:00..................... 2 Broke Girls 15:30 .....The Big Bang Theory 16:00... The Tomorrow People 17:00...................................... Troy 18:00 . Brooklyn Nine-Nine 18:30........................ The Big Bang Theory 19:00........................ The Big Bang Theory 19:30........................ The Big Bang Theory 22:30........... How I Met Your Mother 23:00...... My Mad Fat Diary

07:10 .............................Top Gear

06:00 ........................ Iconoclasts

06:00 ................... Football Gold

08:00 .............................Top Gear

07:00 .............................. Seinfeld

06:15................... Football Gold

09:00................... Total Wipeout Australia

07:30 .............................. Seinfeld

06:30................... Football Gold

08:00 .........Friday Night Lights

06:45................... Football Gold

10:00 ..............Storage Hunters

09:00 ......................... The British

07:00.............................. Football

11:00 .......................................... QI

10:00....... Star Trek: Enterprise

11:35................. Have I Got a Bit More News for You

11:00 .......Star Trek: Enterprise

07:30........................ Champions League Weekly

12:20 .......................................... QI

13:00 ............................The Pitch

06:00.... Beauty and the Geek 06:45 ... Emmerdale Omnibus 09:10 ............Coronation Street Omnibus 12:00........................ Britain’s Got More Talent 13:00 .... You’ve Been Framed! 14:00 ....Babe 2: Pig in the City 15:00 .............................FYI Daily 15:05.....Babe 2: Pig in the City 15:55 ....................Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 17:20 ..................... About a Boy 18:20..................... FYI Daily 18:25 .............. About a Boy 19:15 .....Mr Bean’s Holiday 20:15 .................... FYI Daily 20:20 .....Mr Bean’s Holiday 21:00..............Educating CW Joey Essex choice 22:00 ..................... The Only Way is Essex 22:50................Party Wright Around the World 23:50........ The Big Reunion

13:00 .............................Top Gear 14:00............................. Top Gear

06:15 ...................... Doctor Who 07:00...................... Doctor Who 08:00 .......Hollywood Treasure 08:30 .......Hollywood Treasure 09:00....... Hollywood Treasure 09:30....... Hollywood Treasure 10:00...................... Doctor Who 11:00 ...................... Doctor Who 14:00 .............. The Hairy Bikers’ Cookbook 14:40 .............. The Hairy Bikers’ Cookbook 16:00 ...................Wildest Africa 17:00 ...................Wildest Africa 18:00......... Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities 18:30......... Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities 19:00 ............... Who Do You Think You Are? 20:00 ............... Who Do You Think You Are? USA 21:00 ......... Motorway Cops 22:00 ...............Airport 24/7

12:00 .......Star Trek: Enterprise 14:00.......... Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

08:00.............. Game Changers 09:00 ........................The Sunday Supplement 10:30 .............Goals on Sunday 12:30......... Ford Super Sunday

15:00 ..........Dynamo: Magician Impossible

15:00....................... Blue Bloods

16:00 ..............Storage Hunters

17:00................ Without a Trace

20:00.............. Chicago Fire

17:00 .............................Top Gear

18:00.......... Without a Trace

21:00........ Obese: A Year to Save My Life USA

18:00................................ QI

19:30..... Football’s Greatest Teams: Man Utd

19:00 ......... Without a Trace

20:00...................... Football

20:00 ................. The British

22:00 ...................Ladyboys

18:35.......... Have I Got a Bit More News for You

21:00 .......Game of Thrones

22:00.............. Ford Football Special

23:00 ...............Doll and Em

19:20 ................................QI

22:15 .......Game of Thrones

23:30............. Spanish Gold

23:30 ........ Grey’s Anatomy

20:00 ...........................QI XL

23:30 ............ The Sopranos

23:45 ............. Spanish Gold

16:00........ Nothing to Declare 18:00...................... Nothing to Declare

16:00....................... Blue Bloods

Harry’s South Pole Heroes ITV1, 20.00

Prince Harry’s epic 200km trek to the South Pole with wounded service men and women is captured in this new two-part factual series. The series provides an at times raw and emotional insight into the team members’ traumatic experiences and their determination to overcome life-changing injuries and complete the challenge. Led by Prince Harry, the British team taking part in the Walking With The Wounded South Pole Allied Challenge 2013 were, double leg amputee Duncan Slater, arm amputee Ibrar Ali MC, a member of the Yorkshire Regiment who walks in memory of two colleagues killed in action, left leg amputee Kate Philp, the first British woman to lose a limb on the frontline, right leg amputee Guy Disney, taking on a second pole after joining Walking With The Wounded and Prince Harry in the Arctic in 2011, and guide Conrad Dickinson.

19:00.................... Football’s Greatest Teams

27 CW

W C ch o i ce Educating Joey Essex ITV2, 21.00

Educating Joey Essex follows our favourite Essex boy as he takes his Joeyisms to the heart of Africa to receive a first hand education in African wildlife and culture. Fresh from his jungle adventure, Joey’s eyes have been opened to the big wide world and he’s now off in search of his childhood love – monkeys. Convinced he was surrounded by monkeys in Australia, ITV2 have now sent him in the right direction as he heads off on another oncein-a- lifetime experience. Embarking upon a jaw-dropping journey of discovery, Joey’s African mission sees him head to the Kruger National Park for another test of nerve and resilience, when he camps out all night alone and sleeps next to a pack of hyenas. It’s then onto Uganda for a visit to the Ngamba Island’s famous chimpanzee sanctuary - nature lover Joey has always been monkey mad, but how will he feel when he finally comes face-to-face with some of the world’s most endangered primates in their natural environment?

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TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Monday Monday Mon 06:00 ............................Breakfast 09:15 .....................Heir Hunters 10:00 ................... Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 .....................Rip Off Food 11:45 .......................... Watchdog Test House 12:15.................... Bargain Hunt 13:00.......................... BBC News 13:30 ................ Regional News 13:45 .............................. Doctors 14:15 ......................... Perfection 15:00 ............................Escape to the Country 15:45 ...... James Martin’s Food Map of Britain 16:15................................. Flog it! Trade Secrets 17:15............................ Pointless 18:00................... BBC News 18:30 .......... Regional News 19:00........... The One Show 19:30............ Bang Goes the Theory 20:00 ................ EastEnders 20:30.................. Panorama 21:00.............................. Silk 22:00 .................. BBC News 22:25.......... Regional News 22:30..................... Weather 22:35................ The Michael McIntyre Chat Show 23:20 ..............Late Kick-off 23:50...... Live at the Apollo

W C ch o i ce

06:05................. Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food 06:35 ...........Homes Under the Hammer 07:35 .............Countryside 999 08:20.... Wanted Down Under 09:05 ..... The Restaurant Man 10:05 ..... Great British Railway Journeys 10:35.................................... Click 11:00......................... BBC News 11:30 ..................... World News 12:00 ............The Daily Politics 13:00..... A to z of TV Cooking 13:20 ......................... War Walks 13:45................... British Isles: A Natural History 14:35......... Cagney and Lacey 15:25............................ Bergerac 16:15 ...............................Are You Being Served? 16:4............................ ‘Allo, ‘Allo! 17:15...... Antiques Roadshow 18:00 ..........Revenge of the Egghead 18:30............. Sport Relief’s Top Dog 19:00.....................Top Gear 20:00...University Challenge 20:30 .....Mary Berry Cooks 21:00............ Plantagenets 22:00 .....The Culture Show 22:30 ................ Newsnight 23:20 ..... Fast and Fearless: Britain’s Bangers Racers

06:00 ........................... Daybreak 08:30 ..............................Lorraine 09:25........................ The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30..................... This Morning 11:25 ............................ITV News 11:30 .................... This Morning 12:30.................. Loose Women 13:30 .............................ITV News and Weather 14:00 ......Auf Wiedersehen CW My Pet choice 15:00.............................. The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:00.................... Tipping Point 17:00 ..........................The Chase 18:00 ..........Local News and Weather 18:30............. ITV News and Weather 19:00................ Emmerdale 19:30 .................Coronation Street 20:00 ........................ I Never Knew That About Britain 20:30 ..... Coronation Street 21:00.........The Widower

ch oi ce

22:00................ ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:35................ The Agenda

23:05 .................. The Secret Mediterranean with Trevor McDonald

Auf Wiedersehen My Pet ITV1, 14.00 Auf Wiedersehen My Pet will see pet owners who for genuine personal reasons have to make the tough decision to give up their much-loved animals. The current owners may be moving abroad or perhaps for medical reasons can no longer give their animal the attention it needs. They will be matched with a trio of potential new owners, all desperate to offer the pet a loving new home. The 20-part series of hour-long episodes will feature a range of animals including dogs, horses, cats, guinea pigs and parrots, and each programme will focus on one owner and their pet, as they are given the opportunity to meet potential new owners, get to know their families and see around their homes. With invaluable help and advice throughout from animal experts, the owner will make an informed decision on the best new home for their much-loved pet. Auf Wiedersehen My Pet will explore and celebrate the bond between humans and animals; following the tears of goodbye, and the joy of a new beginning as lives are transformed by pets.

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

nday Monday Monday 17th March 06:00 ...................... Countdown 06:45 ................. Will and Grace 07:35 .............Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 .................................Frasier 10:00.......... A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 11:00........... Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 12:05 ....................Four in a Bed 12:50.....Ride the High Country 14:40 ...................... Countdown 15:30 ...............Deal or No Deal 16:30.....................Four in a Bed 17:00...... Come Dine with Me 18:00............ The Simpsons 18:30................... Hollyoaks 19:00........ Channel 4 News 19:55....... The Political Slot 20:00.............Dispatches CWce ch oi 20:30.........Secrets of the W C High Street choice 21:00 ....................One Born Every Minute 22:00......... 8 Out of 10 Cats 22:45 ................ Gogglebox 23:50 ............................Troy

06:00..................... Children’s TV

06:00 ........................Emmerdale

06:00 ..................The Borrowers

09:15.............. The Wright Stuff

06:25........... Coronation Street

06:30 ..................The Borrowers

11:10......... Police Interceptors

06:55........... Coronation Street

07:00 ...................... Robin Hood

12:10 ............................... 5 News

07:25..... You’ve Been Framed!

12:15 .................... Benidorm ER

08:00...................... Dinner Date

08:00 ........... Masterchef South Africa

13:15 .............Home and Away

09:00..... The Real Housewives of Atlanta

09:00 ................................The Bill 10:00 ................................The Bill

11:30 ..................The Millionaire Matchmaker

11:00 ...................... Doctor Who 12:00............................Babylon 5

12:30.........................Emmerdale

13:00 .......................... Sanctuary

17:00 ............................... 5 News

13:00 ...........Coronation Street

17:30 ...................... Neighbours

14:00 ........................ The Jeremy Kyle Show

14:00 ........ Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

13:45 ...................... Neighbours 14:15 .................................... NCIS 15:15 .................The Accidental Witness

18:00........ Home and Away 18:30............ Newstalk Live 19:00...... The Gadget Show Action-packed tech consumer show. Jason and Rachel check out 3D projectors with the aid of Ortis at a 3D go-kart race, Jon investigates wireless printers, Radio 1Xtra DJ Charlie Sloth tests Bluetooth headphones and Ortis travels to California where three new forms of transport are promising to revolutionise the way we get around.

20:00.... Police Interceptors 21:00................... Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away!

16:10 ..... The Real Housewives of New Jersey 17:05 ..................The Millionaire Matchmaker 18:00 ..................Dinner Date 19:00....You’ve Been Framed! 20:00 .....Two and a Half Men

15:00................... Nick Knowles’ Original Features 16:00 ...................... Doctor Who 17:00 ...........................Babylon 5 18:00........ The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour of Britain 19:00.......Masterchef South Africa

21:00 ...........................Mom

20:00.......... Motorway Cops

22:00 .................The 40 Year Old Virgin

21:00..... Dynamo: Magician Impossible

23:00 .....................FYI Daily

22:00............ Derren Brown: Trick or Treat

23:05.......... The 40 Year Old Virgin

23:00...... Emergency Bikers

06:00 ........................... Switched 06:25 ..................................90210 07:10 ......................... Ugly Betty 08:00 ........................... Charmed 09:00............. Made in Chelsea 10:00..............................New Girl 10:30 ..........The Mindy Project 11:00........................... Charmed 12:00.... Rules of Engagement 12:30.............................. Hollyoaks 13:00...How I Met Your Mother 14:00......The Big Bang Theory 15:00 .............................New Girl 15:30.......... The Mindy Project 16:00... Rules of Engagement 17:00...How I Met Your Mother 18:00....The Big Bang Theory 19:00................... Hollyoaks 19:30 .......... How I Met Your Mother 20:00.....Brooklyn Nine-Nine 20:30...............2 Broke Girls 21:00 .................... Revenge 22:00 ..... My Mad Fat Diary 23:00........... How I Met Your Mother

06:00 ..................Good Morning Sports Fans

06:00...............UK Border Force

06:00........ Nothing to Declare

07:00 ................... Radical Highs

06:00............. Thirtysomething

07:00 ....................... Airline USA

06:30.........Nothing to Declare

07:15 .........................Bush Pilots

07:00....................... Blue Bloods

08:00 ................Modern Family

07:00 ........Nothing to Declare

08:00 .......................Man v Food

09:00............................Futurama

07:30 ........Nothing to Declare

09:00 .............................Top Gear

08:00 .............................Star Trek: Enterprise

10:00.................... Hawaii Five-0

08:00... RSPCA Animal Rescue

11:00 ...............Motorway Cops

09:00 ............... Without a Trace

12:00........... NCIS: Los Angeles

12:00 ...........................an v Food

10:00 .......................Blue Bloods

14:00 ................. Harrow: A Very British School

10:00...... Fat Families: Second Helpings

13:00............................. Top Gear

11:00 ................... Stargate SG-1

11:00 ........... Sun, Sea and A&E

14:00 .............................Top Gear

12:00................ Without a Trace

15:00......... Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie

12:00............. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

15:00............... Motorway Cops

13:00...................................House

13:00 .....Ford Football Special

14:00 ................Criminal Minds

16:00 .......................Man v Food

14:00 ..................................House

14:30 ................................ La Liga

16:00 ...........................Futurama

16:00 .........................Dog Patrol

17:00............................. Top Gear

15:00 .......................Blue Bloods

15:30.............................. Football

16:30 ...........................Futurama 17:00................... The Simpsons

17:00........... Sun, Sea and A&E

16:00 .............................Star Trek: Enterprise

16:00 ....................... The Fantasy Football Club

17:30.................Modern Family

18:00.... Nothing to Declare

19:00 .................Rocket City Rednecks

17:00 ............... Without a Trace

16:30 .............. Game Changers

18:30.... Nothing to Declare

20:00 ...........................QI XL

18:30 ............The Simpsons

18:00......................... House

20:30 ..........Modern Family

20:00......................... Bones

21:00 ....Would I Lie to You?

19:00 .........................House

21:00................ Moone Boy

21:00.......... Criminal Minds

21:40 .......... Have I Got a Bit More News for You

17:30 ..................... Soccer A.M. The Best Bits

21:30............ The Simpsons

22:00.........CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

22:35.........Russell Howard’s Good News Extra

22:00 ............................Girls

23:00..........................Bones

23:35............................QI XL

23:10........... True Detective

22:00.......................... Stella 23:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles

W C ch o i ce

20:00... Friday Night Lights 22:35.......................Looking

07:00 ..................Good Morning Sports Fans 09:00..... Ford Football Special 10:30................... Football Gold 11:00.............................. Football 12:30 ................... Football Gold

18:30 ........................... FL72 19:30...................... Football 22:00.........Sporting Heroes 23:00 ........................... FL72

29 CW

W C ch o i ce

Dispatches Channel 4, 20:00

When you’re settling down to dinner can you be absolutely sure that you’re eating what you think you’ve bought? Targeted tests by West Yorkshire Trading Standards recently revealed that more than a third of the foods they examined included instances of fraud, mislabelling and failure to meet published guidelines. There’s the mozzarella that was only 50% cheese, the fake ham made from dyed meat emulsion, and ‘minced beef’ containing pork and poultry.

Shop Secrets: Tricks of the Trade Channel 4, 20:30

Have you ever popped into a shop for one thing and come out with something completely different? Gone to a restaurant and surprised yourself by ordering the most expensive thing on the menu? Or returned home to discover the bargain you couldn’t resist was too good to be true? Today’s businesses are working harder than ever to part you with your cash. In this new series, Harry Wallop puts hidden cameras inside seven different shops, market stalls and restaurants across the country and sends in a team of hotshot sales people to trick, scam and con unsuspecting customers.

The Widower ITV1, 21.00

The Widower is a three-part drama from ITV Studios based on the crimes of convicted murderer, Malcolm Webster, played by Reece Shearsmith (Psychoville, The League of Gentlemen, A Field in England). The Widower tells how, over a 13 year period Malcolm Webster set about poisoning and murdering his first wife, attempting to do the same to his second wife and moving on to a further scheme to deceive his third fiancée. When Malcolm Webster (Reece Shearsmith) comes under pressure from new wife Claire (Sheridan Smith) over his mounting debts, he begins systematically drugging her to keep her under control. When she books a doctor’s appointment to run tests, Malcolm takes matters into his own hands by staging a car accident in which she is killed. After escaping justice and cashing in on a £200,000 life insurance policy, he relocates to New Zealand and is soon walking down the aisle with new bride, Felicity Drumm (Kate Fleetwood). He moves her back to Scotland, and while Felicity is busy organising their finances for a new house to raise a family, Malcolm is trying to gain access to her savings to hide the fact that he is broke again. He plies her with sedatives, as he did with Claire, but stops short of killing her when he discovers she is pregnant. The birth of their son brings a temporary reprieve to the drugging, but when Felicity turns up the heat for him to account for his finances, Malcolm returns to his old ways. However, Felicity is spirited and refuses to give up on her dream home. When Malcolm exhausts his excuses, he decides to deal with the problem once and for all. But will he succeed?

CW 30

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TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Tuesday 06:00 ............................Breakfast 09:15 .....................Heir Hunters 10:00 ................... Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 .....................Rip Off Food 11:45 ...Watchdog Test House 12:15 ....................Bargain Hunt 13:00 ..........................BBC News 13:30 ................ Regional News 13:45 .............................. Doctors 14:15 ......................... Perfection 15:00 ............................Escape to the Country 15:45 ...... James Martin’s Food Map of Britain 16:15 .....Flog it! Trade Secrets 17:15 ............................ Pointless 18:00 .................. BBC News 18:30 .......... Regional News 19:00 ...........The One Show 19:30 ................ EastEnders 20:00.................. Holby City 21:00 ....................Shetland 22:00 .................. BBC News 22:25 .......... Regional News 22:30..................... Weather 22:35.......... Keeping Britain Safe 24/7 23:35..........Swansea: Living on the Streets

Tuesday

06:05................ Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food 06:35................. Homes Under the Hammer 07:35 ...................Rip Off Food 08:20 ....Wanted Down Under 09:05 .................... Great British Garden Revival 10:35 .........................HARDtalk 11:00........................ BBC News 11:30.................... World News 12:00 .......... The Daily Politics 13:00 .........................The Super League Show 13:45 ..................British Isles: A Natural History 14:35 ....... Cagney and Lacey 15:25 .......................... Bergerac 16:15......................... ‘Allo, ‘Allo! 17:15.....Antiques Roadshow 18:00......... Revenge of the Egghead 18:30 ............Sport Relief’s Top Dog 19:00.....Antiques Road Trip 20:00..The Great British CW Sewing Bee choice 21:00........ An Hour to Save Your Life 22:00.... The Sarah Millican Television Programme 22:30 ............... Newsnight 23:20 ............Viking Art - A Culture Show Special

06:00 ........................... Daybreak 08:30.............................. Lorraine 09:25 ........................ The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 .................... This Morning 11:25 ............................ITV News 11:30.................... This Morning 12:30.................. Loose Women 13:30............................. ITV News and Weather 14:00 .............Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 15:00 ............................. The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:00.................... Tipping Point 17:00 ..........................The Chase 18:00 ..........Local News and Weather 19:00 ................ Emmerdale 19:30 ....... UEFA Champions League Chelsea v Galatasaray. Adrian Chiles is joined by Roy Keane and Lee Dixon for live Champions League action from Stamford Bridge as Didier Drogba returns to Chelsea for the first time with his new club Galatasaray. With the scores level at 1-1 from the first leg, Jose Mourinho will be confident his side can progress to the quarter-finals. Commentary comes from Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend.

22:00 ......... ITV News at Ten 22:35 ....... UEFA Champions League

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Tuesday

18th

March

31 CW

W C ch o i ce

06:00............................... Switched 06:25 ......................................90210 07:10............................. Ugly Betty 08:00............................... Charmed 09:00 ................Made in Chelsea 10:00................................. New Girl 10:30..............The Mindy Project 11:00 ............................... Charmed 12:00 ......Rules of Engagement 12:30 .............................. Hollyoaks 13:00...............................How I Met Your Mother 14:00........ The Big Bang Theory 15:00................................. New Girl 15:3.............0 The Mindy Project 16:00 ......Rules of Engagement 17:00 ..............................How I Met Your Mother 18:00........................... The Big Bang Theory 19:00 ..................... Hollyoaks 19:30 ............. How I Met Your Mother 22:00................................ Troy 23:00 .......................... The Big Bang Theory

The Simpsons Sky 1, 19:30

23:55............ Body of Proof

06:00 ..................The Borrowers 06:00 ........................Emmerdale 07:00...................... Robin Hood 06:25 ...........Coronation Street 07:25..... You’ve Been Framed! 08:00........................ Masterchef South Africa 07:45 ........................ The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 09:00.................................The Bill 08:30...................... Dinner Date 11:00 ...................... Doctor Who 09:30...... The Real Housewives 12:00 ...........................Babylon 5 of Atlanta 13:00 .......................... Sanctuary 11:30.................. The Millionaire 14:00........ Extreme Makeover: Matchmaker Home Edition 12:30........................ Emmerdale 15:00 ....................Nick Knowles’ 13:00 ..............Coronation Street Original Features 14:00 .... The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:00 ...................... Doctor Who 16:10 ..... The Real Housewives 17:00 ...........................Babylon 5 of New Jersey 18:00........ The Hairy Bikers’ 17:05.................. The Millionaire Food Tour of Britain Matchmaker 19:00................. Masterchef 18:00............... Dinner Date South Africa 19:00. You’ve Been Framed! 20:00......... Attenborough’s 20:00...................... Two and Natural Curiosities a Half Men 20:30 ......... Attenborough’s W 21:00.The Vampire Diaries Coi Natural Curiosities ch ce 22:00........... Celebrity Juice 21:00 ...............Madagascar 22:50........... American Pie 2 22:00 ..............South Pacific 23:50..................... FYI Daily 23:00..... Dynamo: Magician Impossible 23:55........... American Pie 2

06:00 ..............UK Border Force

06:00 ........Nothing to Declare

07:10 .........................Bush Pilots

06:00............. Thirtysomething

07:00....................... Airline USA

06:30 ........Nothing to Declare

08:00.... Rocket City Rednecks

07:00 .......................Blue Bloods

06:00................. Good Morning Sports Fans

08:00 ................Modern Family 09:00 ...........................Futurama

08:00... RSPCA Animal Rescue

09:00 .............................Top Gear

08:00 .......Star Trek: Enterprise

10:00 ...... Fat Families: Second Helpings

10:00 .............................Top Gear

09:00................ Without a Trace

The Vampire Diaries ITV2, 21:00

11:00............... Motorway Cops

11:00 ........... Sun, Sea and A&E

10:00....................... Blue Bloods

12:00 ....Rocket City Rednecks

12:00............. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

11:00................... Stargate SG-1

13:00 .............................Top Gear

12:00................ Without a Trace

14:00..............................Top Gear

13:00 ..................................House

15:00............... Motorway Cops

14:00 ..................................House

16:00 ....Rocket City Rednecks

15:00....................... Blue Bloods

17:00............................. Top Gear

16:00....... Star Trek: Enterprise

18:00..................... Top Gear

17:00................ Without a Trace

19:00..................... Flip Men

18:00 .........................House

20:00 ........Storage Hunters

20:00........................... David Attenborough’s Micro Monsters

06:00 ...................... Countdown 06:45 ................. Will and Grace 07:35 .............Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 .................................Frasier 10:00 ..........A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 11:00 ........... Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 12:05 ....................Four in a Bed 12:50 ............Bend of the River 14:40 ...................... Countdown 15:30 ...............Deal or No Deal 16:30 ....................Four in a Bed 17:00 ...... Come Dine with Me 18:00 ............The Simpsons 18:30 .................. Hollyoaks 19:00 ........ Channel 4 News 19:55 .......The Political Slot 20:00 .............. Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds 21:00....Food Prices: The W C Shocking Truth choice 22:00............Undercover CW Doctor: Cure Me, I’m Gay choice 23:00...................... Coppers

09:15 ..............The Wright Stuff

10:00 ................... Hawaii Five-0 12:00 .......... NCIS: Los Angeles 13:00 .......... NCIS: Los Angeles 14:00 ................. Harrow: A Very British School

11:10 ...................................Police Interceptors 12:10 ............................... 5 News 12:15 ........................... The Hotel Inspector 13:15............. Home and Away 13:45...................... Neighbours 14:15..................................... NCIS 15:15 ............. Cries in the Dark 17:00 ............................... 5 News 17:30 ...................... Neighbours 18:00 ........Home and Away 18:30 ............Newstalk Live 19:00.................... Highland Emergency 19:30 ...................... Police 5 20:00............. Benidorm ER 21:00............ The Mentalist 22:00.......... Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 22:55 ............Body of Proof

14:00 ................Criminal Minds

15:00 ......... Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie

16:00 .........................Dog Patrol

16:00........................... Futurama

17:00 ........... Sun, Sea and A&E

16:30 ...........................Futurama

18:00 ... Nothing to Declare

17:00 .................. The Simpsons

18:30 ... Nothing to Declare

17:30 ................Modern Family

20:00....... My Kitchen Rules

18:30........The Simpsons

21:00................ Elementary

ch oi ce

16:30 .........................Dog Patrol

20:00............. Hawaii Five-0

22:00............... Doll and Em

21:00..... NCIS: Los Angeles

22:30......................... Bones

22:00................. The Smoke

23:30 ........CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

23:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles

W C ch o i ce

21:00 ...........................QI XL 22:00 ............ Dara O’Briain: School of Hard Sums

21:00......................... Awake

23:00.......... Mock the Week

22:00 ............The Following

23:40.......... Never Mind the Buzzcocks

23:00 .................. Spartacus: Vengeance

09:00 .............................. Football 10:00.............. Sporting Heroes 11:00................... Super League Fulltime 12:00..................................... FL72 13:00 ................SPFL Round Up 13:30.............................. Football 14:30 ..............Sporting Heroes 15:30..................................... FL72 16:30 .............................. Football 17:30 .....................Football Asia 18:00...... Revista de la Liga 19:00 ................. Ronaldo: A Golden Year 19:30...................... Football 22:15 .........The Footballer’s Football Show 23:15 ........Barclays Premier League Review

Animated comedy series following the hilarious adventures of a working class, semi-dysfunctional nuclear family in the misfit city of Springfield. Business at Moe’s is bad so Homer tells him about a drink he invented out of different drinks mixed with cough syrup. The drink becomes an instant hit and Moe’s becomes famous with Moe claiming to have invented the drink, and his bar has frequent Aerosmith concerts and becomes a popular hangout. Homer is understandably jealous, while rival companies try to work out the final ingredient to the addictive drink.

US drama series following the supernatural goings-on in the small town of Mystic Falls, Virginia. Enzo brings Damon a gruesome present and insists that they bond by committing an act of revenge. After finding himself in awkward and confusing conversations with Nadia, Matt impulsively decides to throw a party, where Caroline makes a shocking confession to Elena.

Food Prices: The Shocking Truth

Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, I’m Gay

Channel 4, 21:00

Channel 4, 22:00

Jimmy Doherty goes on a global journey to find out why food prices have been rising. Taking some weekly shop essentials, he discovers that the cost of food reflects some of the big challenges of the 21st century, from the rise of Asia to the power of the financial markets, and from growing population to volatile weather. In six years the price of an average food basket has gone up by 25%. In the UK we import half of our food, which makes us extremely vulnerable to volatile prices. In this first episode Jimmy looks at some of the main staples in our food basket and the world events that have affected their price, including British favourites rice, beef and bread; and he examines our shrinking chocolate bars.

In this one-off documentary Dr Christian Jessen goes undercover to both investigate and undertake controversial gay ‘cures’ in both the UK and the USA. Christian is shocked to find that there are people who believe that homosexuality is a disorder which should be cured; as well as a growing number of therapists and self-styled healers who believe that homosexuality is a curable illness. He sets out to prove or disprove their claims by offering himself up as a suitable case for treatment. As a doctor who also happens to be gay, Christian is keen to find out what’s on offer for people who are uncomfortable with their sexual orientation and desperate for change. He wants to discover whether or not these ‘cures’ are effective by trying them on himself.

CW 32

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Wednesday

Wednes 06:00........................... Daybreak

09:15......................Heir Hunters

06:00................ Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food

10:00.................... Homes Under the Hammer

06:30 ................. Homes Under the Hammer

11:00......................Rip Off Food

07:30................... Rip Off Food

09:25 ........................ The Jeremy Kyle Show

11:45....Watchdog Test House

08:15................ Wanted Down Under

06:00.............................Breakfast

12:15.....................Bargain Hunt 13:00...........................BBC News 13:30................. Regional News 13:45............................... Doctors 14:15.......................... Perfection 15:00.............................Escape to the Country 15:45....... James Martin’s Food Map of Britain

09:00 ......................... Inside the Animal Mind 10:00............. Food and Drink 10:30.......................... See Hear 11:00 ........................BBC News 11:30.................. Budget 2014 15:00................................. Coast 15:25.......................... Bergerac

16:15......Flog it! Trade Secrets

16:15..........................Allo, ‘Allo!

17:15............................. Pointless

16:45 ........................ ‘Allo, ‘Allo!

18:00................... BBC News

17:15 ...........................Antiques Roadshow

18:30........... Regional News 19:00............The One Show 20:00................ DIY SOS The Big Build 21:00................Crimewatch

18:00............... Revenge of the Egghead 18:30 ............Sport Relief’s Top Dog

08:30 ..............................Lorraine

10:30..................... This Morning 11:25 ............................ITV News 11:30 .................... This Morning 12:15 .............. The Chancellor’s Budget 2014 14:00..............Auf Wiedersehen My Pet 15:00.............................. The Alan Titchmarsh Show 16:00.................... Tipping Point 17:00 ..........................The Chase 18:00.......... Local News and Weather 18:30............. ITV News and Weather 19:00................ Emmerdale 19:30 .................Coronation Street

22:00................... BBC News

19:00 ................... Antiques Road Trip

20:00........You Saw Them CW Here First choice

22:25........... Regional News

20:00...........Collectaholics

21:00 ...........Law and Order

22:30......................Weather

21:00 .............Line of Duty

22:35................Crimewatch

22:00......................W1A

22:00 ................ ITV News at Ten and Weather

22:45...A Question of Sport

22:30 ............... Newsnight

23:15................ The Michael McIntyre Chat Show

23:20 ................An Hour to Save Your Life

W1A BBC2, 22.00

ch oi ce

22:35 ..........On Assignment 23:05 ............. Harry’s South Pole Heroes

W C ch o i ce

Ian Fletcher’s first challenge on arriving at New Broadcasting House, on his brand new and much-improved folding bike, is to find somewhere to sit in a building aggressively over designed around the principle of not having a desk. Ian finds himself holding the hottest of hot potatoes when Mebyon Kernow activist Nigel Trescott complains that Cornwall and the Cornish are shamefully under-represented on the BBC. Things get worse when BBC Spotlight South West presenter Sally Wingate goes public with her feeling that her failure to progress to a national presenting role might be part of the BBC’s institutionally anti-Cornish bias. Ideas of how best to limit the damage lead to PR company Perfect Curve’s Siobhan Sharpe suggesting getting Sally to do something on Springwatch or some kind of Bake Off. Meanwhile, producer Lucy Freeman is having meetings with Head of Output Anna Rampton and Entertainment Format Creative David Wilkes about a forthcoming new flagship show - Britain’s Tastiest Village - which according to David is “kind of Britain’s Got Talent meets Countryfile with a bit of The One Show thrown in just in case.” Anna wants a progress report and there’s good news and bad news. They’ve virtually got Alan Titchmarsh on board now, but the very bad news is that it looks like they’ve lost Clare Balding - “words you never ever want to hear” - as the dates of How Big Is Your Dog, a new show she’s doing for ITV, have changed at the last minute. Ian Fletcher is played by Hugh Bonneville, Siobhan Sharpe is played by Jessica Hynes, Anna Rampton is played by Sarah Parish, Lucy Freeman is played by Nina Sosanya, David Wilkes is played by Rufus Jones, Nigel Trescott is played by Simon Greenall and Sally Wingate is played by Karen Ascoe.

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

sday

Wednesday

09:15......................... The Wright Stuff 11:10 ...................................Police Interceptors 12:10 ............................... 5 News 12:15 ....................... The Gadget Show 13:15 .............Home and Away

19th

06:00 ........................Emmerdale

06:00 ..................The Borrowers

06:00 ........................... Switched

06:30 ....................... Britain’s Got More Talent

07:00 ...................... Robin Hood

06:25 ..................................90210

08:00 ........................ Masterchef South Africa

07:10 ......................... Ugly Betty

07:45 ............... The Jeremy Kyle Show USA

09:00 ................................The Bill

09:00 .............Made in Chelsea

10:00................................ The Bill

08:30 ...................... Dinner Date

10:00 .............................New Girl

11:00....................... Doctor Who

09:30 ..... The Real Housewives of Atlanta

10:30 ................Happy Endings

12:00 ...........................Babylon 5

11:00........................... Charmed

13:00 .......................... Sanctuary

12:00... Rules of Engagement

14:00 ........ Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

12:30.......................... Hollyoaks

15:00................... Nick Knowles’ Original Features

14:00..... The Big Bang Theory

07:25 .....You’ve Been Framed!

11:00 ........... Phil: Secret Agent Down Under

13:45 ...................... Neighbours

12:00 ..............Channel 4 News

15:15 ........................ Virtual Lies

11:30.................. The Millionaire Matchmaker

12:05 ....................Four in a Bed

17:00............................... 5 News

12:30 ........................Emmerdale

12:55 ............... The Badlanders

17:30 ...................... Neighbours

14:40 ...................... Countdown

18:00.......................... Home and Away

13:00 ....................... Britain’s Got More Talent

15:30 ...............Deal or No Deal 16:30 ....................Four in a Bed 17:00....... Come Dine with Me 18:00 ............The Simpsons 18:30 .................. Hollyoaks 19:00 ........ Channel 4 News 19:55 .......The Political Slot 20:00............. Secret Eaters 22:00 ................. First Dates 23:00 ................How to be a Billionaire

06:00 ......................So You Think You’re Safe? 07:00....................... Airline USA 08:00 ................Modern Family 09:00............................Futurama 10:00................... Hawaii Five-0 12:00.......... NCIS: Los Angeles 14:00 ................. Harrow: A Very British School 15:00 ......... Greggs: More Than Meats the Pie 16:00........................... Futurama 17:00 .................. The Simpsons 17:30 ................Modern Family 18:00 ..........Modern Family 18:30............ The Simpsons 19:30 ...... Manchester Utd v Olympiakos-Live 22:00...............Duck Quacks Don’t Echo 23:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles

14:15 .................................... NCIS

18:30 ............Newstalk Live 19:00.................. Dangerous Drivers’ School 20:00 ...............Born to Kill? 21:00........................... NCIS 22:00..........................Castle 22:55 ........CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:55 ......................Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

06:00.........Nothing to Declare 06:30.........Nothing to Declare 07:00.........Nothing to Declare 08:00... RSPCA Animal Rescue 10:00....................... Fat Families: Second Helpings 11:00............ Sun, Sea and A&E 12:00.............. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 14:00.................Criminal Minds 16:00 .........................Dog Patrol 16:30 .........................Dog Patrol 17:00........... Sun, Sea and A&E 18:00.... Nothing to Declare 18:30.... Nothing to Declare 20:00.............. Chicago Fire 21:00 .........................Bones 22:00......... Grey’s Anatomy 23:00 ...............Doll and Em 23:30......................... Bones

March

14:00..... The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:10...... The Real Housewives of New Jersey 17:05 ..................The Millionaire Matchmaker

16:00 ...................... Doctor Who 17:00 ...........................Babylon 5 18:00 ......... Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities

08:00 ........................... Charmed

13:00...How I Met Your Mother 15:00 .............................New Girl 15:30................ Happy Endings 16:00 ... Rules of Engagement 17:00...How I Met Your Mother

18:30..................Masterchef South Africa

18:00....The Big Bang Theory

19:00....You’ve Been Framed!

20:00................. Beauty and the Beast

19:30 ...................How I Met Your Mother

18:00............... Dinner Date

19:00 .................. Hollyoaks

20:00... Two and a Half Men

21:00........................ Grimm

20:30....The Big Bang Theory

21:00................Party Wright Around the World

22:00.... Dynamo: Magician Impossible

21:00............ The Tomorrow People

22:00.............. The Only Way is Essex

23:00..............Stansted: The Inside Story

22:00 ................. Rude Tube

07:00................... Radical Highs 07:15 .........................Bush Pilots 08:00 ..............Storage Hunters 09:00............................. Flip Men 10:00............................. Top Gear 11:00....................... Traffic Cops 12:00.............. Storage Hunters 13:00 ............................. Flip Men 14:00 .............................Top Gear 15:00 ....................... Traffic Cops 16:00 ..............Storage Hunters 17:00 ............................. Flip Men 18:00 .................... Top Gear 19:00 ...........................QI XL 20:00............. Dara O’Briain: School of Hard Sums 21:00........... Have I Got a Bit More News for You 22:00.............Dave Gorman: Modern Life is Goodish 23:00...........Mock the Week 23:40........... Frank Skinner’s Opinionated

06:00............. Thirtysomething

06:00................. Good Morning Sports Fans 09:00 ........ Champions League Highlights 10:00 ............ Revista de la Liga 11:00 ........ Champions League Highlights 12:00 ............... The Footballer’s Football Show 13:00 ............ Revista de la Liga 14:00.............. Barclays Premier League Review 15:00................ The Footballer’s Football Show 16:00................ Premier League 100 Club 16:30.......P l 100 Club: Scholes 17:00......... Champions League Highlights 18:00 ................ Boots ‘n’ All 19:00...................... Football 22:15....... What’s the Story? 23:15................ Total Rugby

07:00....................... Blue Bloods 08:00 .............................Star Trek: Enterprise 09:00 ............... Without a Trace 10:00 .......................Blue Bloods 11:00 ................... Stargate SG-1 12:00................ Without a Trace 13:00.................................. House 14:00.................................. House 15:00....................... Blue Bloods 16:00............................. Star Trek: Enterprise 17:00................ Without a Trace 18:00......................... House 19:00......................... House 20:00 .................... Mankind 21:00 ................The Borgias 22:05 ...........True Detective 23:25 ................. True Blood

23:00...... My Mad Fat Diary

33 CW

W C ch o i ce

You Saw Them Here First ITV1, 20.00

You Saw Them Here First, the show that breaks into the archives to reveal the television debuts of some of Britain’s best-loved actors and actresses, presenters and pop stars, is back for a brand new series. There are saucy soap stars and superhero students as we discover a red carpet collection of celebrities and their screen debuts. Plus, some lucky stars will once again visit the video vault to come face to face with their past as they’re presented with long-forgotten footage from yesteryear. Narrated by Robert Webb, You Saw Them Here First unearths a prime collection of TV firsts including Miley Cyrus, Graham Norton, Hugh Jackman, Miranda Hart, Lewis Hamilton and many, many more... You Saw Them Here First returns with another brand new funfilled romp through the archives as Robert Webb reveals the television debuts of some of Britain’s best-loved actors and actresses, presenters and pop stars.

CW 34

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TV Guide

W C ch o i ce

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Thursday Thursday 06:00 ............................Breakfast 09:15 .....................Heir Hunters 10:00................... Homes Under the Hammer

Ade at Sea ITV1, 20.30 We’re an island nation, our history and culture shaped by the sea. For centuries, we’ve used our waters for fishing, trade, exploration, conquest and defence, and sometimes simply for pleasure. In this six-part ITV series, comedian and presenter Ade Edmondson sets sail to explore Britain’s maritime past and discovers how it continues to influence the lives of the people who still depend on the sea today. Fascinated by British maritime history, Ade Edmondson has a passion for the sea, since being a boy he’s dreamt of sailing around the world and the British Isles. Inspired by Ade’s genuine fascination for Britain’s seafaring past and a love of all things nautical, in this series, he at last gets his chance to explore Britain from the sea. The series reflects the rich diversity that our sea and coast has to offer, as Ade discovers those gems of tradition, heritage, invention, and modern expertise that makes our British coastline unique. Ade immerses himself in British seafaring culture and history - from discovering the root of the phrase shipshape and bitter end to making rope with one of the last surviving rope makers. With his natural curiosity, with and warmth he takes viewers on his voyage as he pilots a huge tanker through the Bristol Channel, sings sea shanties in Liverpool Bay, takes in modern deep sea fishing, lave netting in the Severn Estuary, visits island communities and is even airlifted out of the North Sea.

09:25 ........................ The Jeremy Kyle Show

11:00 .....................Rip Off Food

17:15..... Antiques Roadshow

11:45 .......................... Watchdog Test House

18:00................. Revenge of the Egghead

12:15 ....................Bargain Hunt

18:30 .............Sport Relief’s Top Dog

13:00...........................BBC News 13:30 ................ Regional News 13:45 .............................. Doctors 14:15......................... Perfection 15:00............................ Escape to the Country 15:45 ..................James Martin’s Food Map of Britain 16:15..................... Flog it! Trade Secrets

19:00 ...........The One Show 19:30 ................ EastEnders 20:00..... Holiday Hit Squad 21:00....Davina - Beyond CW Breaking Point choice for Sport Relief 22:00................... BBC News 22:25 .......... Regional News 22:30 .....................Weather 22:35........... Question Time 23:35................... This Week

Documentary telling the inside story of Davina McCall’s challenge to raise money for Sport Relief, with exclusive behind the scenes access. The film follows Davina through highs and lows as she swims, cycles and runs from Edinburgh to London - 500 miles in 7 days. Davina’s husband, her parents and best friend provide a unique insight into Davina’s battle to overcome the toughest Sport Relief challenge yet. Spending 17 hours on the bike on the first day alone, Davina fights extreme fatigue and fearsome weather conditions

06:05 .................Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food 06:35 ...................Homes Under the Hammer

18:00 .................. BBC News

BBC1, 21:00

06:00........................... Daybreak

Property redevelopment series. Martin Roberts and Lucy Alexander follow a family of five as they take on a pair of semis, formerly one farmhouse in Sandwich in Kent. They convert it back to one home, keeping many of the original features. Martin meets a retired newsagent and his son, who buy a well-maintained three-bed semi with a communal garden in Heron Cross in Stoke. They add value by bringing the electrics and plumbing up to scratch as well as redecorating. When Martin returns, they have already found a tenant. And in Whitehaven in Cumbria, Martin meets a newly retired detective who buys a former local authority house with lovely views. Martin hears she did not inspect the property before the auction, but lets her off with a ‘caution’ because she knows the area and housing stock well. She does a great job modernising it and extending the kitchen.

17:15............................ Pointless

Davina - Beyond Breaking Point for Sport Relief

05:55............................. Wonders of Nature

07:35 ....................Rip Off Food 08:20 ...Wanted Down Under 09:05 ............Fake or Fortune? 10:05 ...........Gardeners’ World 10:35 ..........................HARDtalk 11:00 .........................BBC News 11:30 .....................World News

08:30 ..............................Lorraine

10:30.................... This Morning 11:25 ............................ITV News 11:30..................... This Morning 12:30.................. Loose Women 13:30............................. ITV News and Weather 14:00............. Auf Wiedersehen My Pet

12:00 ........... The Daily Politics

15:00.............................. The Alan Titchmarsh Show

13:00 .............................. Lifeline

16:00.................... Tipping Point

13:10 .........................War Walks

17:00...........................The Chase

13:40 ................... British Isles: A Natural History

18:00.......... Local News and Weather

14:40..........Cagney and Lacey

18:30.............. ITV News and Weather

15:25 ........................... Bergerac 16:15.......................... ‘Allo, ‘Allo! 16:45.......................... ‘Allo, ‘Allo!

Gaby Roslin hosts the second semi-final and reveals which two teams with their celebrity captains have made it through to compete in the challenges - Buoy Zone, Shop ‘til You Drop, Hot Spot Hound and of course the ‘Bark Off’, an obstacle course which includes Barking Tube, Sherwood Forest and a famous ferry ride.

19:00..................... Antiques Road Trip 20:00..... Hairy Bikers Asian Adventure Cookery series in which the Hairy Bikers tour the birthplaces of favourite Asian cuisines. Korean food is set to be the next big thing in the UK so the bikers want to find out what’s coming our way. On a night out with some young Seoulites, they discover a cuisine that doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to flavour, including Korean BBQ and fried chicken.

21:00...... Turks and Caicos

19:00................ Emmerdale 19:30....................... Tonight 20:00 ................ Emmerdale 20:30..............Ade at Sea

ch oi ce

NEW SERIES 21:20..............Dangerous Dog Squad The two part documentary looks behind the ‘devil dog headlines’ at whether the root cause of Britain’s dangerous dog problem is irresponsible owners. The film follows dog wardens on the front line dealing with dangerous dogs. They talk candidly about the horrific cases they encounter. Award winning documentary makers, Wild Pictures, produced these hard-hitting programmes which explore why dog attacks are dramatically on the increase. During the making of the series three people in the UK were killed by dogs and more than 6,000 people were hospitalised after dog attacks last year. Rescue centres are overrun with unwanted dogs. In 2012 the RSPCA secured 4,000 convictions against dog owners. There are underfed, abandoned and unsocialised dogs in homes across the country and yet Britain is apparently a nation of dog lovers.

22:35 ................ Newsnight

22:00................ ITV News at Ten and Weather

23:20 .................... Weather

22:35 ......... Edge of Heaven

23:25.......... The Restaurant Man

23:35 .....................Regional Programmes

www.canarianweekly.com

TV Guide

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Thursday Thursday 20th March 06:00...................... Countdown 06:45................. Will and Grace 07:35............. Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00................................. Frasier 10:00.......... A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 11:00............ Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 12:05.................... Four in a Bed 12:50 ..........................Sea Devils 14:40...................... Countdown 15:30 ...............Deal or No Deal 16:30...............Four in a Bed CWce ch oi 17:00...... Come Dine with Me 18:00............ The Simpsons 18:30 .................. Hollyoaks 19:00 ........ Channel 4 News 19:55....... The Political Slot 20:00 ...............The Hoarder Next Door 21:00 ................ Rolls Royce 22:00 ......... 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 23:05.................... One Born Every Minute

09:15....................................... The Wright Stuff

06:00 ........................Emmerdale

06:00 ..................The Borrowers

11:10 ...................................Police Interceptors

06:25 ...........Coronation Street 06:55..... You’ve Been Framed!

07:00 ................Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities

12:10............................... 5 News 12:15 .............It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief 13:15 .............Home and Away 13:45...................... Neighbours 14:15 .......... NCIS: Los Angeles

23:00...... Emergency Bikers

06:00........................... Switched 06:25 ..................................90210 07:10 ......................... Ugly Betty 08:00 ........................... Charmed 09:00 .............Made in Chelsea 10:00 .............................New Girl 10:30 ................Happy Endings 11:00 ........................... Charmed 12:00 ... Rules of Engagement 12:30 ...........................Hollyoaks 13:00...How I Met Your Mother 14:00 .....The Big Bang Theory 15:00 .............................New Girl 15:30 ................Happy Endings 16:00.... Rules of Engagement 17:00...How I Met Your Mother 18:00....The Big Bang Theory 19:00 .................. Hollyoaks 19:30 .......... How I Met Your Mother 20:00....The Big Bang Theory 20:30........... How I Met Your Mother 21:00.....Brooklyn Nine-Nine 21:30......The Inbetweeners 22:00................. Fresh Meat 22:45.............................Troy

06:00 .............Thirtysomething 07:00 .......................Blue Bloods 08:00 .......Star Trek: Enterprise 09:00................ Without a Trace 10:00 .......................Blue Bloods 11:00 ................... Stargate SG-1 12:00 ............... Without a Trace 13:00 ..................................House 15:00....................... Blue Bloods 16:00....... Star Trek: Enterprise 17:00 ............... Without a Trace 18:00......................... House 20:00.......................... David Attenborough’s Micro Monsters 20:30 .......................... David Attenborough’s Micro Monsters 21:00 ..................Petrol Age 22:00 ............... Blue Bloods 23:00 ..................... Banshee

06:00................. Good Morning Sports Fans 09:00 ........ Champions League Highlights 10:00 ............What’s the Story? 11:00 .....................Football Asia 11:30 .......................Total Rugby 12:00 ........ Champions League Highlights 13:00 ............What’s the Story? 14:00........ Champions League Highlights 15:00............ What’s the Story? 16:00......................Football Asia 16:30 .............. Barclays Premier League World 17:00 .....................................FL72 18:00 .....................Ringside 19:00 .............Super League Superstars 22:15............................ FL72 23:15 ... Super League Gold

07:45......................... The Jeremy Kyle Show USA

07:30 ........................ Masterchef South Africa

08:30...................... Dinner Date

09:00................................ The Bill

09:30..... The Real Housewives of Atlanta

11:00 ...................... Doctor Who

11:30 ..................The Millionaire Matchmaker

13:00.......................... Sanctuary

12:00........................... Babylon 5 14:00 ........ Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

15:15 .......................Rosamunde Pilcher’s Spring

12:30 ........................Emmerdale

17:00 ............................... 5 News

13:30 .....You’ve Been Framed!

15:00 ....................Nick Knowles’ Original Features

14:00...The Jeremy Kyle Show

16:00 ...................... Doctor Who

16:10 ..... The Real Housewives of New Jersey

17:00 ...........................Babylon 5

18:30 ............Newstalk Live 19:00 ............The Travellers’ Secret Cash Stash

17:05 ..................The Millionaire Matchmaker

20:00....... It Takes a Thief to Catch a Thief

19:00....You’ve Been Framed!

17:30....................... Neighbours 18:00 ........Home and Away

21:00 ................... The Hotel Inspector

13:00 ...........Coronation Street

18:00 ............... Dinner Date 20:00... Two and a Half Men 21:00 ........The Big Reunion

22:00.....Botched Up Brides

22:00 ...........Celebrity Juice

23:00 ............ Extraordinary People

22:50 ........................... Dads 23:15 ...........................Mom

06:00 ......................So You Think You’re Safe?

06:00 ........Nothing to Declare

07:00................... Radical Highs

06:30 ........Nothing to Declare

07:15 .........................Bush Pilots

07:00 ....................... Airline USA

07:00.........Nothing to Declare

08:00 .......................Man v Food

08:00 ................Modern Family

08:00... RSPCA Animal Rescue

08:30 .......................Man v Food

09:00........................... Futurama

10:00...... Fat Families: Second Helpings

09:00 .............................Top Gear

10:00................... Hawaii Five-0 12:00 .......... NCIS: Los Angeles

11:00........... Sun, Sea and A&E

11:00....................... Traffic Cops

14:00 ............... All Aboard: East Coast Trains

12:00 ............. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

12:00 .......................Man v Food

15:00 ...............Inside RAF Brize Norton

14:00 ................Criminal Minds

16:00 ...........................Futurama

16:30......................... Dog Patrol

16:30 ...........................Futurama

17:00........... Sun, Sea and A&E

17:00.................. The Simpsons

18:00.... Nothing to Declare

17:30................ Modern Family 18:30............ The Simpsons

20:00........... America’s Next Top Model

20:00......................... Arrow

21:00 ...... My Kitchen Rules

21:00................. The Smoke

22:00 ...............Doll and Em

22:00................. Revolution

22:30 ................. CSI: Miami

23:00...... NCIS: Los Angeles

23:30......................... Bones

16:00 .........................Dog Patrol

10:00............................. Top Gear

13:00............................. Top Gear 15:00....................... Traffic Cops 16:00........................Man v Food 17:00............................. Top Gear 18:00 .................... Top Gear 19:00 ......... Motorway Cops 20:00 ...........................QI XL 21:00 ........................... Suits 22:00 ..........Mock the Week 22:40 ............ Dara O’Briain: School of Hard Sums 23:40 ...........................QI XL

18:00 ....................The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour of Britain 19:00..... Dynamo: Magician Impossible 20:00......................... Grimm 21:00 .............Stansted: The Inside Story 22:00 .............The Man Who Lost His Face

35 CW

W C ch o i ce Four in a Bed Channel 4, 16:30

The last visit of the competition is to Wolds Village in Bainton, East Yorkshire where owners Chris and Sally Brealey have created themed rooms they hope fulfil their guests’ fantasies! On arrival, most of the guests are wowed, but Kath is left in the dark by the gothic decor. For Tom and Angela Jones, squeaky floorboards mean that though their bed is made, they don’t necessarily want to lie in it. That afternoon, Sally leads the group in an afternoon of mosaic making, where Denise Walker is in fierce competition with her artistic daughter Heather. At breakfast the quality of the food gets the thumbs up all-round, but Denise is in a jam about the not-so homemade preserves. At feedback time, some criticism comes as a shock, so the hosts feel payment day may ‘be a bit uncomfortable’.

CW 36

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Entertainment

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Look who’s back

OVER the last six months, Tenerife has seen the arrival of many new artistes. They’ve all had a 100% success rate so far, and long may it continue. By Jamie Droo

There are still more to come, too. The new acts have brought with them freshness to our stages, which has also made existing acts up their game. Some of the new acts are not new to Tenerife, but they have returned here to work after taking in other parts of the world. However, they are back - with the bit between their teeth, so just watch this space because 2014 is shaping up well. Each review here will show diversity, variety and, most of all, extraordinary talent.

DYLAN TENNANT MICHAEL LEAVY Jnr MICHAEL, a Tenerife visitor for many years, has become wellknown in certain bars. Now, he and his family have re-located to the Island and he really has hit the ground running.

WHEN you meet Dylan for the first time, you will notice he has a certain charisma found only in performers. There isn’t much Dylan can’t do when it comes to commanding a stage, or in front of an audience. He had huge success as the resident DJ in the Starco area of

Las Americas at The World Famous Linekers Bar, famed for its party DJs. When it was time to move on, Dylan sidestepped his DJ’ing and formed a duo with Scott Henderson called Loaded. The boys took on the Leonardo’s residency where again, huge success was achieved. Dylan then returned to the UK and based himself there while touring as a DJ and

singing in a duo with his partner, Hayley. Right now you will find Dylan has again stepped into another role - that of resident compere at Harveys Bar, in Los Cristianos. He is so pleased to be given the opportunity to put the Tennant stamp on Harveys and is looking forward to the summer, when he can really stretch his entertainment legs. Good to have you back Dylan.

NORTH & SOUTH THE reviews above are all connected to one another.

Michael and Dylan collaborated last year for the Winter Wonderland celebrations in Hyde Park, where they performed together before crowds of up to 5,000. Also, Hayley and Michael sang together in the UK and have decided to make that a reality in Tenerife, too, now that everybody is reunited here on the Rock. The North & South name comes from the fact that the members

of this duo come from the North and South of England respectively.. Simple and effective! Michael and Hayley

wish to deliver perfection in harmony. Their voices individually are exquisite, but, when they sing together, something magical happens. There is nothing more pleasing to the ear than two human voices singing a melody in perfect harmony. It was a pleasure to watch them perform. They really work the audience, too, and give their all to the performance. Good luck to North & South, the Island’s newest male/ female vocal harmony duo.

I managed to catch most of his solo show last Sunday and all I can say is, Wow! There have been some quality singers here over the years and some are still here, but Michael Leavy Jnr is a different kind of gravy when it comes to singing. Michael’s voice is flawless and his falsetto range is as clear and bright as some of the masters of this craft, and he specialises in Soul, Motown and Reggae. From the word go, he keeps the pace in the

show, encouraging his audience to dance and join in. It’s also good to see an artiste leave the stage to make more of a connection with the audience. Michael ticks all the boxes. His song choices are perfect and his stage attire is always impeccable

(he has the shiniest shoes in the world). This gentleman of showbiz will have no problem finding work. In fact, the work is finding him so you bookers need to act fast and get this guy on your billboard - or you’ll definitely miss out!

HAYLEY BUTLER THERE is plenty to say about what this girl has achieved here in Tenerife.

She has already established herself as a successful Tenerife entertainer, having begun her career here many years ago as an animator at a Callao Salvaje hotel. It was soon apparent that she would out grow her animator role and move on as a professional singer Before Hayley returned to UK, she was working as a solo act over here, as well as playing the lead female role in the show We Will Rock You. She has travelled the UK as part of a tour dedicating its theme to Meatloaf and friends. But as always, the pull of this beautiful Island has drawn

back another entertainer. Tenerife and its showbars will wrap their arms around this girl’s talent - and it

won’t be long before she’s flicking through the pages of a plump diary. Welcome back Hayley.

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Tenerife Loves Karaoke

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

37 CW

HEAT 2: Tenerife Loves Karaoke, at Dreamers Bar

Oh Yes! Darlen dazzles at tlk 2014 of TLK is shaping up to be as exciting as last year, as we discovered in Dreamers Bar, Los Cristianos.

Around 9.30pm, host Jamie Droo, from Oasis Fm, invited the contestants to come forward to register their song for the first round battle. It didn’t take long as Jamie outlined the judging criteria and introduced the judges: Paul Sherman, of PS Photography (sponsors of this year’s TLK), Jo Rham, from Canarian Weekly, Rob Crewdson, one of the partners from Dreamers, and Angela Minty, the venue’s resident host. All formalities complete, the competition began, with just nine of the available 15 places taken up. And DJ Bubba opened the show

with Bob Marley’s Redemption Song. The bar was set and the evening flowed well. All singers had strong voices, but a few definitely stood out more than others. As usual, the top three scorers from the first

round went through to the sing-off, in search of that elusive final spot. The chosen few, Karen Holcombe, Carlos Mendez and Darlen Martinez, made their way to the stage and the singoff began. Each one chose a new

song to capture the judges’ attention and Karen, in stark contrast to her rock-chic song from Skunk Anansie, opted for a something different. She picked Sinead O’Connor’s Nothing Compares To You, while

Carlos stuck to the swing with Dean Martin’s Sway. Darlen, at just 16 the youngest performer of the night, opted for the Amy Winehouse song Valerie. With the final scores in from the judging panel, there was just 0.75 of a point between first and second. But there can be only one winner, and that was Darlen. Karen, was second,

just a fraction behind, with Carlos third. Darlen goes through to join Heat 1 winner Abbie, in the grand final in June at Showtime, where she could go home with 1,000 in cash. The next heat takes place tonight (Friday) at The Premier Bar on Amarilla Golf. Build-up starts in the afternoon from 3pm, with Jamie Drew broadcasting live with the Drew Crew.

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www.canarianweekly.com 14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

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Garden

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

39 CW

Fruit from the Orient By Margaret Tully I HAVE an amazing fruit tree in my garden which just keeps fruiting, year after year.

It is known in Spain and the Canaries as Nispero, but in English it is a Loquat. But the tree’s proper name is the Eriobotrya japonica, from the Rosaceae family, which is the Rose family. The tree can reach heights of 35ft but, generally, because of the soft branches breaking naturally, it self-prunes and keeps its height in check. My tree stands about 8ft, needs little in the way of care and has few pests and diseases. The only problem I have noticed is the bruises on the skin of the fruit. But I generally pick them as they ripen, and, by doing this, the fruits don’t get a chance to get damaged. I have picked my second punnet of Nisperos this week and I have baked a cake. It was a regular spongecake mix, put into a cake tin. And at the very last minute I added the fruit, skinned and chopped, which prevents it from sinking straight to the bottom of the cake. After baking it in an oven for 45-60mins at 180ºC, I let it cool, removed it from the tin, sliced and served - yummy! The tree is covered in a fuzzy coating, which, to the untrained eye, can look like a disease. The

only area free from this fuzziness is the trunk, which is smooth. The fruits of the tree are also covered in this coating, which just rubs off when you pick the fruits - much like a peach but finer. The skin and pulp of the orange fruit is edible, but inside there are usually two large brown seeds. These must not be eaten because I have actually seen recipes for Nispero jam, which includes a few of the seeds, but I wouldn’t advise it. The Nisperos have high amounts of pectin, which make them an excellent choice for jam and I can vouch for this because I have made it many times. The fruits have a lovely, sweet flavour and remind me of yellow plums. The Nispero’s origin is somewhat disputed, but

it was China or Japan. It is grown en masse in both these countries but in China they tend to grow it for the flowers, which, by the way, are white, smell delicious and make a wonderful perfume. In Japan, they produce lots of the fruits and include them in nearly all of their recipes - and they also make a tea (infusion) with the leaves, which they call Biwacha. I have tried it, and I prepare the leaves by picking them new and either drying and powdering up, or using fresh. A few pieces of the leaves in a teapot and strained into a cup after 5-10 minutes of brewing makes for a pleasant infusion. It has many health benefits: it’s good for the complexion, and is also an anti-inflamma-

tory and a general energy booster. It is also said to have other benefits to do with metabolism and improving insulin resistance. So, all in all, an amazing leaf. The fruits have great nutritional value as well. They are a source of calcium, potassium, fibre and vitamin A, and they help with the digestion, plus respiratory problems. Growing the tree could not be easier. You can grow it from one of the seeds inside the fruit, but it takes a very long time and may never fruit. The so best way is to

buy a tree from a reputable garden centre. They cost around 15-20 euros and are perfect for those gardeners who have difficulty in making plants or trees grow because they are almost impossible to kill. You can grow them in large pots on a patio, as well as straight into the earth. My own Nispero is in the front of our garden, which is a windier place than at the rear of the house and it manages very well. Plant it up to the little knuckle, but no further or you will get rogue shoots growing

and competing with the main tree. They need no pruning, although you can prune if you wish. And they don’t need lots of feeding, or that much water once they are established. The blossom has a wonderful scent, so if you put your tree near a sitting area it would be enjoyed. And the fruits are easily harvested, either snipped off or twisted. I do hope you do invest in a Loquat (Nispero) tree because it is a super all-rounder and well worth a spot in the garden.

SOW IT… GROW IT… TASTE IT Turkey and Loquat Roasted Roll (hot or cold) Ingredients *2 turkey breasts *6 loquats de-stoned, skinned and chopped *Half an onion, chopped into small pieces *Half a sweet red pepper, chopped into small pieces

*1 potato, peeled and diced *2 tbsp frozen or tinned peas *4 mushrooms, chopped into small pieces *Bunch of fresh sage leaves, finely chopped *Seasoning of your choice *3 slices of butter Method

*Heat oven to 180ºC *Fry in a little oil the onions, peppers, potatoes, loquats, mushrooms, sage leaves and peas *Allow all the ingredients to merge into each other and soften *Allow to cool. *Flatten the two breasts, using meat

tenderiser or rolling pin, making sure they are as thin as possible. Spread them out flat, making sure they overlap each other *Spread over the fried ingredients and roll the turkey up like a Swiss roll *Hold it together with cocktail sticks.

*Place piece of greaseproof paper into bottom of a loaf tin and insert turkey roll *If any fried ingredients are left, pour them over the top *Finish by placing three slices of butter over the top and bake in oven for 45-60mins *Remove from tin and

serve hot, or leave to go cold, chill and serve with a salad. I enjoyed the roasted roll hot this week, and I mixed what was left with mayonnaise in a baked potato for dinner the following night. Turkey is a very good source of protein and a reasonably priced meat.

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Health and Beauty

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Phew! Something’s amiss!

By Val Sainsbury FROM diabetes smelling like nail polish remover to liver failure ponging of raw fish, doctors say diseases could eventually be diagnosed by just using the nose.

They say the breath of people with diabetes has been reported to smell of nail-varnish remover, while that of those with liver disease can hum of raw fish. And even if the smell is too subtle to be detected by humans, it could soon be picked up by “electronic noses”, reports the BBC. The researchers, who published their findings in the journal Sensors, also explain that a bladder infection can make the urine smell of ammonia, and rubella can make the sweat have he aroma of freshlyplucked feathers. Schizophrenia can whiff of vinegar, while typhoid gives the skin that enticing smell of freshly-baked bread. Finally, yellow fever can make the skin smell

like a butcher’s shop and scrofula - a lymph node infection – has the patient reeking of stale beer. Within the last week researchers have also discovered that machines can ‘sniff out’ breast cancer and that they are just as effective as a mammogram. One patient even claims that she was is able to detect the smell of cancer herself. Joanie wrote on an online forum that when her husband was suffering from prostate cancer, and when she had lung cancer, she could smell decay. She says that the smell disappeared when the cancer was treated. Seemingly, she is not

alone – Dr George Preti at the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia says he has heard numerous reports of patients noticing an unpleasant smell when around someone with cancer. Dr Preti says he hopes this finding could lead to new ways to diagnose cancer earlier. He is particularly interested in ovarian cancer which is often not diagnosed until it is at an advanced stage. Dr Preti says that the body produces chemicals as a result of normal metabolism but that cancerous cells metabolise differently meaning they emit different chemicals and cause a different smell.

This is usually too subtle for humans to detect but dogs have been trained to diagnose cancer as well as diabetes. As a result, Dr Preti is now collaborating with the Penn Vet Working Dog Center in a bid to teach dogs to sniff out ovarian cancer. Dr Preti says the four dogs receiving the training are able to detect the disease 90 per cent of the time. He hopes the dogs will help him to identify a unique ‘odour signature’ for the cancer. This would then allow him to programme an ‘electronic nose’ to detect the disease. Dr Preti told the BBC: ‘You can have the power of a dog’s nose on this

small chip the size of your fingernail. It’s this device, rather than the dogs, that might end up on hospital wards.’ Dogs, however, are not the only creatures that are able to detect cancer. Scientists believe that fruit flies also have this ability. Researchers at the University of Konstanz, in Germany, found the smell of cancer cells can cause a specific pattern of activity in the flies’ antennae. The researchers hope they will eventually be able to grow their own antennae which they could use to detect disease. Another device is closer to hitting the market. Tests on an ‘electronic nose’ called BreathLink revealed it can detect breast cancer in a patient’s breath. The device can give results within 10 minutes and could prevent patients from having to be exposed to X-rays. It could save millions of women from painful mammograms. It is being tested at the University of Maastricht Medical Centre in The Netherlands and could be available to doctors within just two years. At about the same time, another company, called Owlstone, is hoping to make avail-

able a device that can sniff out bowel cancer. Diseases with a scent *Diabetes - breath smells of nail-varnish remover. *Liver failure - breath smells of raw fish *Bladder infection patient’s urine has ammonia smells *Rubella - sweat smells of freshlyplucked feathers *Schizophrenia - sweat has vinegar smell *Typhoid - skin smells of freshly-baked bread *Yellow fever - skin smells like a butcher’s shop *Scrofula - patient reeks of stale beer Just a few weeks ago, researchers at the Karolinska Institute, in Sweden, discovered that humans can smell if someone’s immune system is highly active. They discovered that people can smell that the immune system has gone into overdrive within just a few hours of exposure to bacteria. The researchers injected a group of volunteers with a toxin that induced an immune response. They then asked them to wear tight tshirts and discovered that when another group of people smelt these t-shirts, they thought the sweat had a more unpleasant smell than that from people whose immune systems were

Salt so damaging for kids CHILDREN in Britain are eating far too much salt, with much of it coming from breads and cereals. Healthcare experts say they should consume less than a teaspoon of salt daily, but 70% of the 340 children in a study published in Hypertension ate more than this. Breads and cereals accounted for more than one-third of the salt in their diets. A fifth came from meat and one-tenth from dairy products - despite a UK-wide drive to cut salt levels in food. The Department of Health said its voluntary salt reduction code with manufacturers was actually working, but agreed that more progress was still needed. And manufacturers insist they are reducing salt in many products, in-

cluding bread. The study authors say efforts must be redoubled because salt increases the risk of high blood pressure from a young age - and that can lead to heart disease and stroke. For the research, they asked parents of the 340 children being studied to keep a detailed food diary, taking photos of all foods and beverages their kids consumed, as well as any leftovers. At the same time, the investigators analysed urine samples from the children to get an objective measure of salt intake. On average, children aged 5-6 eat 3.75g of salt a day - more than the recommended 3g maximum. Those aged 8-9 consumed 4.72g a day, which was within their 5g limit, while kids in

the 13-17 age bracket consumed 7.55g a day well over the 6g limit. Boys tended to have a higher salt intake than girls, particularly in the older and younger groups - about 1g higher per day in the 5-6 age group and 2.5g higher each day among the teenagers. Much of the salt taken was from processed foods rather than added at the table. *One to three years: 2g a day (0.8g sodium) *Four to six years: 3g a day (1.2g sodium) * Seven to 10 years: 5g a day (2g sodium) *11 years and over: 6g a day (2.4g sodium) Lead researcher Prof Graham MacGregor, chairman of the Blood Pressure UK charity and also the lobby group Consensus Ac-

tion on Salt & Health (CASH), said: “It is difficult for parents to reduce children’s salt intake unless they avoid packaged and restaurant foods and prepare each meal from scratch, using fresh, natural ingredients.” He said manufacturers needed to do more to cut out salt because each 1g reduction would save thousands of lives from heart disease and strokes. A DoH spokeswoman said: “On average, we are eating approximately 2g of salt more each day than the recommended amount, and it is vital that we address this. “This is why we are working with industry through the Responsibility Deal to reduce the amount of salt in foods.

“We have just finalised new salt targets for 76 categories of food - and we call on industry to sign up.” *Low: 0.3g salt or less per 100g *Medium: 0.3g -1.5g per 100g *High: more than 1.5g per 100g Salt levels in many foods have reduced significantly, some by 40%50% or more. And since 2007, more than 11million kg of salt have been removed from the foods covered by the salt reduction targets. However, average salt consumption remains high at around 8.1g per day, so there is still a long way to go to meet the 6g per day population intake goal. Terry Jones, from the Food and Drink Federation said: “Although salt

intakes in the UK have reduced significantly in recent years, we recognise that more work must be done to help and encourage people to stay within recommended limits. “This is why food manufacturers have a long history of reducing salt in products and providing clear on-pack labelling to help people know what a product contains.” Luciana Berger, Labour’s Shadow Public Health Minister, said the Government had lost its way on public health. “We are consulting parents and experts about what’s in children’s food, and whether they would find it helpful to have maximum levels of sugar, fat and salt,” she added.

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Health and Fashion

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

DON’T DO THE TIME WARP… By Carl from Robot

By Ruth Benson

THERE comes a time when most women receive a wake-up call about their hair.

SPRING has finally sprung and for many, their house gets its spring clean. But what about your wardrobe?

Something happens in their life - a trauma, a bad comment about there image, or just a good look in the mirror. Nothing has made me so pleased as to see Pamela Anderson ditch her tired Nineties’ look and opt for this super feminine crop. She has been the Queen of False Everything, spawning a multitude of copycats over the years, and she was well before her time in her appearance, Just about everything was exaggerated: the chest, the make-up and the hair. Yet now look at what she’s gone and done! It has all been toned down. Yes, she is a stunning-looking woman. But she bowed to the law of the famous and covered up the real her to please the public and her managers. Happily, we now see her as she really is. She has gone from “plastic” to “fantastic” in a matter of months. But look at her - what has changed the most - because we still see Miss Anderson? Okay, the make-up is more natural, but the thing that TOTALLY changes her is what? Yes, the hair! It’s the one thing which has knocked 20 years off her and has changed her look unbelievably.

S o why do you think I’m highlighting this change of image? Because I am asking if your hair is doing you the favours it should. See how a new haircut can turn your image around? Okay, you may not need such a drastic change as the one undertaken by Pamela, but your hair is the one accessory which can not only be unflattering but can date you as well! Hair isn’t something to be taken off as you’re running out the door if you think it doesn’t look good. No, you have to take it with you. If it’s not doing you any favours, then you should take a leaf out of Pamela’s book and listen to your stylist. He or she is there to

give you an honest opinion, and to look you in the mirror and say, “this isn’t working”. If you ask your partner or friends, the chances are they will give you the answer they think you want to hear. You need someone honest, whose answer will not make you feel bad but, instead, guide you in the direction of making you look the best you can. Take a long, hard look at some photos of yourself from 10 years ago. Do you still have the same image? Is your hair still a copy of that era? If so, like Miss Anderson, you are adding on years with a dated hairstyle. Yet all this can be made to look so much better with a few hours at your salon. Trust me, I know it must have taken her a while to adjust to her fabulous new style. But look again at the photos … and you be the judge of why she listened to her stylist.

Are you a hoarder, keeping clothes in the hope that they will come back in? Do you perform the annual wardrobe refresh? Do you see items which, though not yet warn, you don’t want to ditch, promising yourself you will wear them? And do you have more shoes than Imelda Marcos? So how do you go about deciding what to keep and what to take out? Fashion journalist

41 CW

You wear it well - or else throw it out

Kate Bussmann gives a few rules to help. Firstly, anything you haven’t worn for the last two years needs to go. Yes, you say you will wear it again, or it was too expensive not too keep. But if you haven’t worn it, there’s your answer. Open the wardrobe and take out everything. Let’s start there first and don’t do too much too soon - drawers can wait. Put back those things you wear regularly. If it still has a label on and hasn’t been worn, the likelihood is that you bought it as it was on sale, or you would need to change in some way for it fit. Again, it has not been worn, so

dump it! Things that don’t fit or don’t suit properly never will, so clear them out. If you feel guilty about the money you have spent and have not had any or little wear out of the clothes, then the answer to that is to have a clothes party. Get your friends round, open a bottle of wine and get them to do the same. Not only do you have a good, cheap night out, but you may come away with a whole new outfit. De-cluttering is also very therapeutic. You can donate what you don’t wear to charity or give to a friend. But it is important that you don’t give away something you later regret. By emptying your wardrobe, you can use the following steps to put back what you need, rather than want. If you really are unable to throw out the non-essential items which may come back in fashion, cost a month’s wages or you will fit into one day, then put them to one side, hide them in a bag in another room and see if you do go hunting them down - or they just get left there. If that’s the case, you know they need to go. Now you have your minimalistic wardrobe with all those clothes that fit you, which you like and wear. So what do you do with that spare space? Go shopping! This week, de-clutter and I will explain how to re-stock your wardrobe cleverly next week.

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Food and Drink

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Gran Familia AT last, there is a really excellent Chinese restaurant in El Camison called Gran Familia!

Canarian Weekly reviewers were invited to sample their superb food, and we discovered that they not only have their normal res-

taurant and takeaway menu but also a tasty set-menu.

It features a variety of three-course meals, with an abundance of choice

on each dish, including a drink. And all for a knockout 7.95 euros.

www.canarianweekly.com 14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Food and Drink

43 CW

a’s getting familiar It was an offer we simply could not refuse, and we began by sharing Skewered Chicken in Satay sauce and Vietnamese Spring Rolls. Delicious! For our main course, we plumped for Sweet and Sour Chicken with rice, and Pork with vegetables and rice, Again, we were delighted with our choice on both counts. And when we were absolutely FULL, we still couldn’t resist the icecream special, which completed one of the finest set-menus we’ve experienced. We finished off having a coffee with Zhu (pronounced Sue) the owner, who has been open for the last few months and is rapidly building an excellent reputation in the El Camison area. She arrived on the Island from Shanghai around 10 years ago with her husband, Zhan, who runs the kitchen - his entire family are chefs. The couple have two

children, both born here, although her oldest child lives in China. Before settling in Tenerife, they both worked in a Japanese restaurant in Barcelona, which didn’t suit them, so they came here for a few days’ holiday and found work in a Spanish restaurant. Zhu’s favourite dish on her menu is Peking Duck with a nice glass of wine! On their days

off, the couple like to sample different cuisine - and always with a glass of wine. They are both passionate about food and she says: “My husband cooks with his heart.” Gran Familia opens daily from 1pm to 4pm, and from 6pm to 1am. Call for more details during opening hours on 922 753 842, or if you prefer to order a takeaway!

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A Senior View & Community News

By Monica Dyson THE first week of March was National Pie Week, here in the UK anyway. It would more likely have been Tapas or Paella Week in the Canaries! When I think of pies I think of comfort food, warming food - food that fills you up. You really can’t beat a good pie, and it’s something most people seem to like. It’s just the filling that differs. The most popular kind of pie has to be one of meat and potato. Traditionally English, it seems to have originated in the North of England and can be made with lamb or beef pieces, together with chunks of potato, although the beef version seems to be most usual. Crisp, golden pastry with lashings of tasty gravy, it’s a meal fit for a king, although it seems that the original meatand-potato pies were on the list of nourishing foods for workhouse inmates. They were also relief for the poor because the dish went quite a long way when plenty of potatoes were used. One of the earliest recorded references to these pies was in 1855, when a man was sentenced for stealing a meat pie from a pie shop. Since then, we Brits can’t get enough of them. Of course in Sheffield, my home town, we eat them accompanied by

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

If Desperate Dan loves ’em

Henderson’s Relish and mushy peas. The attributes of this particular local sauce have been well-documented in recent weeks. And I believe we have well and truly sent the critic, the MP who dared to accuse our favourite sauce of plagiarism, home with tail between his legs! If the sorry case proved one thing, it was of the intense loyalty of Henderson’s Relish fans, and I’m sure the publicity has done the company nothing but good! I eat my meat-andpotato pie with that particular sauce, but I don’t really have it on any other food. Such is its popularity, however, that Shef-

field’s own Peter Stringfellow, the millionaire nightclub owner, apparently has it on his bacon and eggs! And it was on the list of most-wanted foods by troops serving in Iraq. They said the food was so awful that they had to add some taste to it somehow! On hearing a rumour that the sauce was to be discontinued, actor Sean Bean, also from Sheffield, is said to have ordered two gallons of the stuff. He’s a great football fan, so I’m absolutely sure he has a pie on match days! It’s a fact that piemaking can be quite lucrative. It seems that the originator of the pie’s popularly, sold at

local football matches, is number 904 in the list of the UK’s richest people. The company is the official sponsor of the England band, who also play at Sheffield Wednesday’s ground. Yet they were criticised - and their dedication to Sheffield questioned when they were alleged to have put games by Leeds Rhinos and the England team before attending the local team. But that’s nothing to do with the popularity of pies on match-days. Bands could come and go - pies are for ever! They seem to have numerous attributes, and nothing speaks louder on a cold match-day than a pie. They keep

your hands warm, they are easy to hold in the hand and, of course, they are nutritious and filling. Pies were one of the staple meals of World War 1 soldiers in the trenches, although they were just potato-andmeat versions, with no crust - and I’m not sure about gravy, either! And for as long as I can remember, the Dandy comic showed Desperate Dan enjoying a cow pie with horns sticking out of the crust. Cottage Pie is also a popular English dish. Having no crust, it is usually made from leftover meat, often from the Sunday joint, or from minced meat, with mashed potato on top.

It was, traditionally, the food of the community’s poorer section - people who lived in “cottages”. And when it first became popular in 1791, the dish would be lined with mashed potato; thus, cutting down on the filling before having a layer of potato on top. It was to be another 80 years before Brits started to make Shepherd’s Pie, which, of course, was made with lamb. Over the years, there have been many variations of savoury pies, but the more traditional ones seem to hold their popularity. We also tend to think of apple pies as quintessentially British, and they have certainly been around since the time of Chaucer, with the Bramley apple originating in Southwell, Nottinghamshire, where they have a festival each year to mark the occasion. But America also appears to lay claim to the apple pie. It was around in Britain well before the European colonisation of the Americas, but one of their popular sayings is, “As American as apple pie”. The American advertising people also came up with the slogan “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”. And there is a town in New Mexico called Pie Town. But pies seem to be a very British thing, don’t they, whether sweet or savoury? Somehow, I can’t really see pie and mushy peas and gravy at a baseball game, can you?

Expats’ Great boost for a leading charity VALERIE RoundKnibbs, one of many swallows with a second home in Los Gigantes,

hit the jackpot with her fund-raising lunch for charity on 1st March. The event, supported

by some 150 locals residents, swallows and holiday-makers from the ex-pat community - took place at Azafran Restaurant in urb.San Francisco. And it yielded an incredible 6,332.57 euros for the Tenerife branch of the AECC (Spanish Association for the control of Cancer), thanks to the enthusiasm shown by Val and

her helpers. And even the restaurant weighed in with a hefty 1,500 euros from the day’s takings. In addition to a successful tombola, an auction was held for a number of superb items donated – and not just by some of the locals. There were also contributions from such prestigious companies as Ritz-Carlton

Abama Hotel, Stihl Los Gigantes Hotel, Las Americas Golf, Venture Restaurants Group, the Cala Hotel in Puerto de la Cruz, Sound of Musicals and even Ryanair. The afternoon’s theme was The Great Gatsby, and most people dressed accordingly, and a number of local entertainers also provided their time for noth-

ing. An overwhelmed Val said: “This wasn’t just about the food, entertainment, prizes and a good afternoon out. “It was about all the people who care for those who have fought and lost the battle with cancer, those who are in remission or fighting it now and all those volunteers who work for AECC.”

www.canarianweekly.com 14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Community News

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Motoring

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Pure Venom… at 270mph!

By Jav AMERICAN company Hennessey have been claiming for ages that their Venom GT is the fastest streetlegal machine on four wheels.

But until now, they hadn’t been a chance to overtake Bugatti’s Veyron Super Sport’s record-breaking 269mph because that took place on the private test track of Volkswagen, who built it. Not to be outdone, though. the Texan manufacturers were given access to NASA’s spaceshuttle landing runway in Florida for a one-off blitz in the 1,200bhp machine. The Venom reached 270.49mph, compared with the average 200mph

top speed of a Formula 1 car, which was slightly quicker than the 269.86mph achieved by Bugatti in 2010. But test pilot Brian Smith believes the Venom is capable of going even faster, and he told the TopGear.com website just that. “At the very top end there was a little wandering, but hey, we’re going 270mph,” said an elated Smith. The Hennessey

Venom GT built at Silverstone and based on the Lotus Exige, is powered by a twin-turbocharged, 7-litre V8 engine, which develops a huge 1,244bhp. This gives it a 0-62mph time of just 2.7secs - and in Florida, it went from 20mph to 120mph in 7.71secs. Since its 2011 launch it has been praised by the motoring press, while Aerosmith rock star

Steve Tyler is among the 11 people to take delivery so far. Pilot Smith claims he could have got another 5-10mph out of the car had the Florida runway been longer than its 3.22 miles. “It was still pulling,” he said. “If we could run on an eight-mile oval, we could go faster than that.” But Bugatti hold the whip hand because VW’s Ehra-Lessien test

track, which has a 5.5mile straight, is available to them. Despite

the mind-blowing top speed - almost four times the UK motorway limit, and three times the highest US highway limit - the Venom GT will not be entered for next year’s Guinness World Record book. The car was allowed just one run by NASA, but challengers must perform twice for the record to stand. So the Veyron Super Sport clings on to the official top spot … for now! Romans International, Surrey’s high-end, sports-car dealership, sold the UK’s only Venom GT last year.

WORLD’S TOP 10 FASTEST CARS 1. Hennessey Venom GT: 270mph (unofficial) 2. Bugatti Veyron Super Sport: 269mph 3. Koenigsegg Agera R: 260mph 4. (joint) SSC Ultimate Aero 4- 9ff GT9-R: 257mph 6. Saleen S7 Twin-Turbo: 248mph 7. Koenigsegg CCX: 245mph 8. Pagani Huayra: 230mph 9. (joint) Gumpert Apollo and Noble M600: 225mph

High-flier Hamilton can’t wait FORMULA ONE will look and sound different when the season starts in Melbourne on Sunday - and Lewis Hamilton is the bookies’ favourite! New regulations and the introduction of a turbo-charged V6 engine with energy-recovery systems are a boon to Mercedes, who have already been installed as favourites to lift the drivers’ and manufacturers’ crowns. There will no longer be a procession, led by four-time world champion Sebastian Vettel since 2010, following the main changes. That’s because his Red Bull team have been badly affected by the sport’s most significant, technical overhaul in more than 20 years. Bob McKenzie, a wellrespected, Formula 1 journalist says: “If you do not have a Mercedes engine bolted to your car right now, you will not be going anywhere fast!” That’s why Hamilton and co-driver Niko Rosberg are wearing the biggest smile of all because they work for

Mercedes. The team-mates are pals, but far from best mates as they line up for what promises to be the year of the Mercedes. “It’s difficult being best friends, especially when you’re team-mates, fighting for wins,” said Rosberg. “But we get on well, we have a laugh and we even have some heated exchanges. But it soon gets back to normal.” In final practice in Bahrain last week, Mercedes flowed from strength to strength, Hamilton setting the fastest time of the day and second-fastest all week, as Red Bull, masters of the universe for so long, struggled badly with the adapted setups. Hamilton, a winner in 2008, says: “People keep saying they’re not watching F1 any more because of Red Bull’s dominance. “But this is the year to watch because so much is changing. It is going to be the most exciting year for any fan.” NEW RULES Engines The old 2.4 litre V8 en-

gines, with kinetic energy recovery systems (KERS), have been consigned to history and replaced by a power unit: a 1.6 litre turbocharged engine limited to 15,000rpm with two energy recovery systems (ERS). KERS/ ERS The old-style KERS delivered a boost of around 80bhp for six seconds a lap at the push of a button. The new ERS - two

electrical motor generator units that harvest kinetic and heat energy from the brakes and single exhaust - does not require a push-button, but it calls for more sensitive throttle control. Exhausts Cars now have one centrally-positioned exhaust compared with the previous twin outlets. It means the end of “blown diffusers”, where hot exhaust gases were directed over the rear

diffuser to generate more downforce. Fuel economy The new units will use some 35% less fuel than the previous engines, as part of F1’s “green revolution”. Each car has an allocation of 100kg of fuel per race, against 150-160kg last year. Fuel saving will become a race feature, with the electrical power generated by ERS coming into play. Gearboxes The new rules specify eight-speed fixed-ratio gearboxes, one more speed than 2013. Previously, teams could pick and choose from 30 gear ratios, but now they must use the same ones all season, with one change allowed. Aerodynamics Front wings have become 15cm narrower, to reduce the number of rear punctures caused by cars clipping those in front. And the height of the chassis and nose has been reduced for safety reasons. You’ll see a variety of highly-distinctive noses on the 2014 cars. Weight

Minimum car weights have increased from 642kg to 691kg to compensate for the heavier power units. With every extra kilo impacting on performance, expect some drivers to look much leaner now. McLaren’s six-footer Jenson Button has already dropped a stone in weight, from 12st, to compensate. Noise The new power units make a different, softer noise than the screaming V8s, which were introduced in 2006. While the engines rev at 15,000rpm, the turbo will make its own distinct noise as it spins at 125,000rpm. Double points The top 10 finishers in the final race, in Abu Dhabi, will score double, the winner taking 50 points instead of the usual 25. This controversial move is aimed at ensuring the title battle stays open as long as possible. Penalty points Any driver collecting 12 penalty points in a calendar year gets an automatic one-race suspension.

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Puzzle

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

PRIZE Godoku!

WIN! Tickets for bowling at Megabowl The rules of Godoku are simple - just enter the letters stated below once in each row, column and 3 x 3 square within the puzzle grid. When you have completed it a word will appear.

Starter Number

Last Weeks winner (Issue 843): Clive Bambury Please come up to the OasisFm / Canarian Weekly offices to pick up your prize. You have until 11th April to pick up and use your vouchers.

This week’s mystery clue: The title of Veronica Heley’s 14th Ellie Quicke mystery suggests one murder this way (9 letters).

-51

2/3 of this

-33 Starter Number

41 6

C W

-187 T

Y E C C T H E T Y H W R E I

5/6 of this

+57

÷4

x5 Answer

-13 7

x3 8

+12

÷6

+78

25% of this

Squared Answer

2/3 of this

Advanced Starter Number

-124

Square root

+23

2/3 of this

+35

-15

Answer

Quick Wordsearch Find the words on: Negative absolute value accentuate addition additive algorithms answer commutative decimal directions division equal sign equation equivalent exponents expression fractions future identity integers inverse irrational left minus multiplication

E R

Which number should replace the question mark?

I H M

Making you think...

Intermediate

This week’s letters: C E H I M R T W Y

What better way to train your brain. Starting at the left with the number provided, work across each of these lines applying the mathematical instructions to your running total. Don´t reach for the calculator - that´s cheating! Write your final answer in the last box of the line. Aim to complete each round in about 30 seconds. Good Luck!

Beginner

Email the answer to info@canarianweekly.com before 5pm on Wednesday 19th March and you’ll be in with a chance of winning.

30-Second Brain Training

47 CW

Sudoku X...

Just enter the numbers 1 - 9 once in each row, column and 3 x 3 square within the sudoku X puzzle grid. In addition to standard sudoku, the numbers must only occur once in each side of the ‘X’ that is marked on the grid.

7 8

4 1 2 5 7 1 6 4 7 5 8 6 1 3 6 8 5 7 1 4 2 5

negative number line numerical operations opposite order parentheses past positive property rationals ratios repeating result right rules sentence subtraction terminating whole zero

Last Issue's Answers:

1 2

Brain Training: Beginner: 24 Intermediate: 21

Advanced: 289

Making you think:

And 2 normal sudokus for you aswell...

8 9

2 7 4

4 1 8

5 4 2

8 9 2 6

6 9 4

3 6 1 2

Sudoku X: 2 6 3 5 9 8 1 7 4 1 8 4 6 2 7 3 5 9 5 9 7 1 4 3 8 6 2 8 1 6 4 3 2 5 9 7 9 4 5 7 6 1 2 8 3 7 3 2 9 8 5 4 1 6 6 5 1 3 7 4 9 2 8

3 2 9 8 5 6 7 4 1

Sudoku:

8 6 2 1

1 5 6

6 4 9 5

5 1 4 7

9 8 2

7 9

Godoku:

4 7 8 2 1 9 6 3 5

7 8 3

Answer: 9. Taking numbers in diagonally opposite squares, calculate their sum, and put the answer in the small, inner square of the upper number. Calculate their difference, and put this answer in the small, inner square of the lower number.

5 7 1

4 3 9 2 7 1 8 6 5

2 9 3 4 7 8 1 6 5

5 2 6 3 8 4 1 7 9

4 5 1 2 3 6 9 8 7

8 1 7 5 6 9 3 4 2

6 8 7 9 1 5 2 3 4

1 4 8 7 9 6 5 2 3

7 3 6 8 9 1 5 4 2

3 7 5 8 1 2 6 9 4

5 2 9 3 4 7 8 1 6

6 9 2 4 5 3 7 1 8

1 4 8 6 5 2 3 7 9

7 5 1 9 2 8 4 3 6

8 1 2 7 6 9 4 5 3

2 6 3 1 4 5 9 8 7

3 7 5 1 2 4 6 9 8

9 8 4 6 3 7 2 5 1

9 6 4 5 8 3 7 2 1

CW 48

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Information / Free Ads

British Consulate Address: Plaza Weyler, 8, 1º, 38003 Santa Cruz de Tenerife. Public opening hours: Tuesdays & Fridays: 08.30hrs – 13.30hrs Notarial services: Please consult our webpage or call 902 109 356 or alternatively +34 913 342 194 for further information on how to make an appointment. Please note, we are no longer able to provide notarial services without prior appointment. Emergency Assistance: Assistance is available 24hrs a day, 7 days a week by calling us on 902 109 356 or alternatively +34 913 342 194 E-mail: info.consulate@fco. gov.uk Web:http//: ukin spain.fco.gov.uk Cosumer Office Tel: 922 76 16 00 Town Hall Tel: 922 76 16 00 Emergencies Emergency Services (All) Tel: 112

National Police - Tel: 091 Local Police Tel: 092 Ambulance Tel: 061 Fire Brigade Tel: 080 Guardia Civil Tel: 062 Multi-lingual police central office Tel: 902 102 112 Call this number and ask to speak to an English operator to make a report or official complaint. Local Police Tel: 922 75 70 06 Red Cross Emergencies and Ambulances Tel: 922 28 18 00 Information and Blood Bank Tel: 922 28 29 24 International MEDSERVICE Tel: 922 79 05 63 Medical Benefits Agency Tel: (00 44) 191 218 7547 For if you find yourself in medical difficulties whilst on holiday and without the proper holiday insurance.

Canarian Weekly Photo Challenge This week’s best photo: Sir Old Golfer

Theme: CARNAVAL

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014 Pharmacy Information and Locator (24 hours) Tel: 922 28 24 24 Citizen Information Tel: 010 Postal Services Tel: 902 19 71 97 International Operator Tel: 11825 Local Operator Tel: 11818 Tourist Information Tel: 922 60 55 90 Hospitals & Medical Centres (Answering Machine) Tel: 094 Hospital Las Americas, Playa de las Americas Tel: 922 75 00 22 Playa de Las Americas Centro Medicos Del Sur Tel: 922 79 10 00 Candelaria Hospital Tel: 922 60 20 00 Beach Safety Obey the beach warning flags and always supervise children when near water. Red - Strong currents do not swim

Yellow - Strong winds and turbulent sea conditions. Take care. Green - Safe to swim Shopping Most shops open from Mon - Sat 09:00 - 13:00 then 16:00 - 20:00 Some shops may open for just Saturday Morning, and many shops are closed on Sundays and Tourist Offices, Bank Holidays, with the exception of souvenir shops which tend to open 7 days a week. Tourist Offices Tenerife Sur Tourist Office (Main Tourist Office) Tel: 902 00 31 21 Santa Cruz de Tenerife Tel: 922 28 93 94 Santiago de Teide Tel: 922 86 03 48 Costa Adeje Tel: 922 75 06 33 Puerto de la Cruz Tel: 922 38 60 00 El Medano Tel: 922 17 60 02 La Laguna Tel: 922 63 11 94 La Orotava

How to submit your free adverts: PHONE 902 232 102 Email: classified@canarianweekly.com Just pop in the office in Las Chafiras (next to the Golf Shop). Deadline for Free ads is Tuesdays at 4pm. Up to 500 euros only.

1.5 litre Severin electric kettle, chrome and black, hardly used, 15 euros. 1.7 litre gsc electric jug kettle, excellent cond, 10 euros. Tel: 922 733 299 or 642 988 620.

This week’s theme is Shadows

4 x XL mens, left hand golf gloves, 10 euros each. Grey marl 3 piece suit, jacket and waistcoat, 40L and trousers, 34L, 20 euros. Timberland juumper, XL, 10 euros. Sonnetti combats, 34L, 10 euros. Jane, pink and orange pregnancy sleeping/feeding cushion, also turns into cushion for baby to lay in, 20 euros. Second hand mens golf shoes, size 11, 20 euros ONO. Events management level 3 course from www.openstudycollege.com, 300 euros including name change. Tel: 637 206 026 2 folding guest beds on castors, 70 euros or 40 euros for one (ono), call evenings. Tel: 922 750 375 Surf chaser with paddles, 30 euros. 2 golf trolleys, lefthanded and right-handed set of clubs, with putters, etc, 30 euros each. Lowrey Carnival electronic organ with 2-note keyboard, 13 bass pedals, stereo sound system, stereo headphones output, full specification, includes easy-play chords, immaculate, 500 euros. Tel: 604 216 739 Microwave and grill, 35 euros. TDT with remote, 15 euros. Ceiling fan with lamp, 25 euros. Camping gas, 20 euros. DVD player/video recorder combo remote, 45 euros. DVD player, 25 euros. VCR player, 20 euros, Butane gas bottles, 40 euros each, 3 for 110 euros. Two orange juicers, 10 euros each. Deep fat fryer, 20 euros, VCR player, 20 euros. Cordless home phone, 10 euros. Table lamp with shade, 10 euros. Computer monitor, 25 euros. Child’s car seat, 20 euros. Tel: 632 526 710 Under-counter fridge, 50 euros. Stainless-steel 4 ring

Tel: 922 32 30 41 Las Galletas Tel: 922 73 01 33 Los Cristianos Tel: 922 75 71 37 Los Llanos de Aridane Tel: 922 40 18 99 Playa de las Américas Tel: 922 79 76 68 Playa de las Vistas Tel: 922 78 70 11 Tour Operators TUI/ Thomson Tel: 922 77 77 20 Thomas Cook Tel: 922 757 409 Cosmos Tel: 922 793 802 Transport TFS - Tenerife Sur Airport (Reina Sofia) For flights from the Spanish mainland and nearly all scheduled international flights. Telephone numbers: Flight Information 902 404 704 (lines open 24 hours) Airport Information Tel: 922 75 90 00 Tourist Information Tel: 922 392 037

TFN - Tenerife Norte airport (Los Rodeos) For all domestic flights and some scheduled international and mainland services. Telephone numbers: Flight Information Tel: 902 404 704 (lines open 24 hours) General Information Tel: 922 635 800 Buses TITSA is Tenerife´s public bus company. Tel: 922 53 13 00 The ´Bono-Bus´ discount card can be purchased from all TITSA stations and terminals of TITSA and reduces the cost of transport by up to 30%. Radio Taxis Tel: 922 64 11 12 N.B. Taxi cabs display a special SP (Servico Público) licence plate. Arona Taxis Tel: 922 74 75 11 National Ferry Services Fred Olsen Tel: 922 62 82 52

electric hob, 50 euros. White microwave 25 euros, Stainlesssteel electric kettle, 12 euros. Chest freezer, 120 euros. Computer monitor, 10 euros, Mountain bike, 85 euros. Video recorders, 20 euros. Table fan, 15 euros. Computer tower, 70 euros, PC monitor, 30 euros. DVD player, 20 euros. VCR player, 25 euros. Foot bath massager, 20 euros. Playstation 2 with controller + two games, 45 euros. Microwave 25 euros. Microwave dishes, 8 euros each. Vacuum cleaner, (bagless), 20 euros. 21in TV, 30 euros. Mini oven, 20 euros. Tel: 686 336 904 2 pairs pencil-pleat curtains, cream/terracotta floral with terracotta tiebacks, L x 245cm W x 245cm, 25 euros. L x 238cm W x 341cm, 25 euros. 1 matching valance W x 170cm, 5 euros. 2 matching cushion covers, 5 euros. 1 pair eyelet curtains cream/lilac floral, L x 224cms, W x 168cms, 10 euros. Circular rug, red mixture 15 euros. Assorted bedding, duvet covers, fitted sheets double, king size, 10 euros. 2 large cream table lamps, 20 euros each or 35 euros for both. Assorted photo frames, 5 euros. Video player, DVD player, 10 euros for both. Shower head with hose, never used, 3 euros. 2 Ikea lattice storage tables, 10 euros each. Tel: 677 371 219 Corner shower cubicle with 2 sliding doors. been on a tray 870 x 700 but will adjust slightly. Good condition. 20 euros. Tel: 661 249 095. Rectangular occasional table, - rigid plastic in black, with lower shelf. still packaged. 35 euros ono. Tel: 922 789 200 or 647 155 381 2 rocking-type chairs (IKEA) black leather seats. Frames need sanding and re-varnishing, 90 euros for both. Tel: 616 206 038 Automatic cash drawer with lock for bar/shop. 25 euros. Tel: 659 036 393 Upright fridge/freezer in good condition 65 euros. Rustic sideboard, 2 cupboards and 3 drawers, 95 euros. Deluxe folding sunbed fully adjustable, on wheels, complete with mattress, 65 euros. Good boys’ clothes, age 5-11: T-shirts, shorts, jeans, jackets and shoes; also, assortment of ladies’ clothes size 10-12, 50 cents an item. Brother electric typewriter as new, 40 euros. Binatone big button sim-free mobile phone, 10 euros. White patio furniture - 4 chairs 5 euros. Small table 5 euros Medium table, 8 euros. 2 recliners, 5 euros each. As-new settee, 15 euros. 2 as-new chairs, 3 euros each. White oval set of 3 dressing-table mirrors, 20 euros. Toshiba DVD player with USB input vgc, 30 euros. Samsung LCD TV 22in HD HDMI vgc, 85 euros. Wickerlook wooden bedroom dressing table with mirror and

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Classified

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

bedside 3-drawer unit, 30 euros. Tel: 922 742 257 or 661 084 981

Cars/BIKES

49 CW

Air-conditioning (cont.)

Edeas fridge, 35 euros ono, buyer collects. Los Cristianos. Tel: 661 249 095 Fridge as new, fits under worktop, 70 euros. Tel: 922 737 435 or 689 419 585 Silver mountain bike, grip-shift gears, 180 euros Tel: 697 746 885 Children’s mat, background green with 2 large cats, 12 euros. Indian mat, beige with peach flowers, 60 euros. Foot spar, unused, 15 euros. Coffee-maker, 60 euros. Multicoloured new hammock, 40 euros. Digital silver music centre, 25 euros. Ladies’ black bomber jacket, size 10-12, good quality leather, 35 euros. Tel: 922 740 250 Matching set of three glass tables. with mirrored shelf underneath, 50 euros. Tel: 636 002 873 Callaway Diablo Driver and 3-wood with regular graphite shafts, excellent cond, 215 euros. Tel: 630 976 208 Ladies mountain bike, 21-speed, 75 euros. Gents mountain bike, 18-speed, 65 euros. Tel: 600 700 521 Drop-down writing desk, two drawers and glass-fronted cupboard, 85 euros. 1960s glass-fronted cabinet, 45 euros. IKEA extending table, 90 euros. Whirlpool upright fridge/freezer, scruffy but works, 30 euros. Miyota Sistema W-M99-T mini home theatre system and TV, plays DVD,SVCD,VCD, DVCD, MPEG4, MPEG3, 65 euros. TV table on wheels, 20 euros. Wilson hammer 6.4 tennis racket, with padded bag, 15 euros. Wilson dual taper beam 2.9 tennis racket, with padded bag, 15 euros. Tel: 629 570 945 Oki PC tower,2,8 Ghz, 160Gb, 160Gb,HDD,1.5 Gb ram, DVdrw, Windows 7, includes keyboard, mouse, 120 euros. Wireless Aprox keyboard & mouse, new condition, 12 euros. Office desk (good condition), 70 euros. Office chair, 5 euros. Tall fan, 5 euros. Phillips DVD player, 10 euros. Tel: 699 186 103 IKEA Expedit wall unit/room divider. 25 compartments. beech-effect finish, 50 euros. Four IKEA cd/dvd units complete with 2 IKEA glass-panelled doors. All in beecheffect finish, 100 euros. Tel: 639 935 050 Affinity pro series 10½-degree driver with 450cc cor max head and yellow hm65 graphite shaft, plus headcover, 25 euros. 2 putters, excellent cond, 12 euros each. Tel: 922 797 888 Nao figurenes from 40 euros. Lladro from 90 euros, all boxed, Los Cristianos.

Jobs Exciting new beach club in the south of Tenerife is looking for experienced chefs and kitchen staff. Applicants should email their CV to kalunabeachclub@ gmail.com CLC World Resorts & Hotels are currently looking for professional, motivated, British sales consultants and Managers to join their In-house and Fly-Buy teams. Successful applicants will enjoy high volume commissions and fantastic quality resorts. Full training is provided. For a confidential interview, please call Kinder Singh on 659 067 438 or Christine Gibson 607 849 900 B Funky fashion shows are looking for International girls to model swimwear in the South of Tenerife for an immediate start, along with models’ assistants. Must be presentable and speak good English, other languages an advantage. Sales or PR experience essential. Daily work, salary, commissions paid and contracts given. Call José between 11am & 5pm on 606 181 946

Antiques ALADDINS CAVE. Antiques & Vintage Goods bought & sold Tel: 922 720 493

Blinds

wanted 2 Bed apartment 45k euros. Any condition, Amarilla, Golf del Sur area. Email amarilla00@hotmail.co.uk

Air-conditioning

Cars wanted CARS BOUGHT FOR CASH - Offer made once seen, we will come to you. WANTED small cars to medium cars, 4 X 4’s, small vans, people carriers, runners and non runners, accident damaged, etc. ANYTHING CONSIDERED.

Call us now on 678 451 641

Cars

Cars to Rent

Long & Short Term From 270 euros per month including Insurance. Phone Terry on 611 313 778 or email: terrybury@gmail.com

CW 50

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Service Point

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Construction (cont.)

Chiropodist Ann Malpass M.A.F.H.P. M.C.F.H.P. Qualified Chiropodist. All your foot care needs solved in the comfort of your own home/hotel. Tel 625 799 570

Kitchens & bathrooms Colin Taylor – Renovations & Maintenance, Bathrooms, Kitchens, Tiling, Plumbing etc. (e.g. complete bathroom & kitchen refurbishments, including all materials & labour from under 2000 euros) Tel 661 081 843 for quotation.

Elaine Watson Jones MSSCh MBChA - making happy feet between El Medano and Los Gigantes for 18 years. Tel: 608 029 790

Lawyers

Cleaning Electrician

Elite Cleaning Services is an established cleaning company who can provide a professional cleaning service for Apartments, Villas and Offices. Call us today on 922 789 795 or 696 922 597.

CLUBS & SOCIETIES An opportunity for residents & holidaymakers to meet & socialise at the Restaurante Castañuelas, seafront, Los Cristianos near the Sunday market, 3 course meal with ½ bottle of wine for only 12 euros. To reserve call Nancy on 655 679 033. (closed after 18th December until 15th January).

Flowers

Massage

Computers

Mental massage, relaxation, body to body, home visits, call 629 163 682

Telephone: 922 736 728

Mechanics

E-mail: Computer Service Provider BT Authorised Dealer Dell Registered Partner

Construction

info@act-tenerife.com

Web:

www.act-tenerife.com

Fly Screens

Garden Furniture

Painting & Decorating

Health & Beauty www.fitnesswithdebbie.com Tel: 664 576 779 Relaxing energizing therapeutic massages, special offers, also hotel visits. Ilona 602 608 626.

Insurance

Patio Doors & Windows

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Service Point

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Patio Doors & Windows (cont.)

Removals

51 CW

Translation

UNIVERSAL EXPORTS S.L. PROFESSIONAL REMOVALS TO AND FROM THE U.K. Email: info@removals-tenerife.com Transport Licence: No. 11572932 C.I.F. No. B38820395 Tel: 922 720 711

repairs

Second-hand Shops TENERIFE TRANSLATION SERVICES: Legally registered with over 25 years experience. Official, Medical, Notary, Wills, Utilities, Probate, Pensions, car paperwork and much more. Professionalism and confidentiality guaranteed. Transport available. Call Tracey on 666 857 991 or email on info@tenerifetranslationservices.com

Personal ServiceS Jackeline, a Venezuelan girl in Los Cristianos, no limit, you will find her in the Avenida Los Sabandeños behind the BP petrol station, 24 hour service, hotel-home visits, call 628 895 416 Milena, Columbian girl, big breasts, sexy party girl, toys, 24 hour service, you will find her in the Avenida Los Sabandeños behind the BP petrol station in Los Cristianos, hotel-home visits, call 602 383 409.

TV and Satellite

Furniture & Household Items bought for cash Immediate decisions

Menny Fix, Satellite TV Tel 922 792 116 Avnd; Antonio Dominguez 18, Edif: MarOLa Local 2, Los Cristianos. EST 1994, Repairs, Maintenance and Sales.

Phone Freddie 609 303 634 security

Eva, the girl you’ve been looking for in Las Galletas, all services, to fulfill your fantasies, call now on 669 738 298. SISSY LOS CRISTIANOS SLIM, SEXY, DOMINATING GOODLOOKING, PRIVATE APARTMENT, CALL : 634 273 126. 2 friends in Las Galletas, slim, big breasts, erotic massage, obliging, fantasies, threesomes, lesbianism, call 669 738 298.

Upholstery cleaning

Beautiful girls, escort service, lesbians, parties, hotel visits, 24 hour service, Polish blonds, big breasts, Rumanian dark haired, they speak good English, for exclusive gentlemen & couples, call 603 365 938

Plumbing

Windows

Boiler King: All plumbing works undertaken including boiler replacements, drain clearance, swimming pool pump repair & maintenance. Tel: 680 278 579

Pool tables

Sports Therapist

CW 52

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Sport

By Roscoe

CD Tenerife 1 Recreativo 0

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Tenerife are in seventh heaven

AN O T H E R match and another mightily impressive performance from the men in white.

It will take something to top the brilliant routing of Las Palmas before Christmas. But believe me, this nearly topped that effort. It was a fine match, arguably the best of the season. For long periods, Tenerife threatened to destroy their high-flying rivals and then, at the death, they were hanging on for dear life. And it was all down to one man. Step forward Clown of the Week Jesus Muñoz. He’s a relatively young official and this was only his 10th match of the season at this level. His previous nine matches were relatively incident -free. So I guess he just wanted to make a name for himself. He was awful. And I do mean shake-your-head bad. He wasn’t alone his linesmen were just as inept. At times, it was like YTS week. It wasn’t just the big decisions,

but the little things as well. I lost count of how many times he gave a goal-kick rather than a corner. Or a free-kick for a fine tackle. All refs make mistakes, but this lad should have been taken off after 20 minutes! His influence didn’t kick in until after Tenerife had taken another early lead. This time, Suso helped himself to a quick goal as Rec-

Position

reativo’s defence were caught napping. His 15th-minute strike seemed to deflate the visitors and they hardly had a kick in the first half. The Tenerife lads, nine of them born in the archipelago, were knocking the ball around like Barcelona. Recreativo were happy to sit deep and soak up the pressure, but their counter-attack plan looked a joke as Tenerife did a fine job of keep-

Points

PLD

Won

Draw Lost

1º SD Eibar

2º RC Deportivo

7 8

F A 36 21

32 23

3º RC Recreativo

44 38

4º Real Sporting

46 37

5º CD Numancia

32 25

6º UD Las Palmas

7º CD Tenerife

8º Real Murcia CF

9º FC Barcelona B

13 37

10º CD Lugo

10 28

11º Real Zaragoza

10 34 34

12º Córdoba CF

11 29 32

13º CE Sabadell FC

35 39

14º Hércules CF

15º RCD Mallorca

10 37 44

16º Real Jaén CF

17º Real Madrid CF Castilla

14 36 39

18º CD Mirandés

12 27 33

19º SD Ponferradina

20º AD Alcorcón

27 27

21º Deportivo Alavés

22º Girona FC

33 38

10 33 34 7

35 31

31 33

31 31 40

ing the ball. They forced corner after corner, but were clearly missing the suspended Carlos Ruiz, their main set-piece threat. The visitors’ efforts were half-chances, and it was a surprise that Tenerife hadn’t stretched their lead at the turnaround. The second half saw more of the same. Chance after chance was kept out by the busy Cabrero, and those that he missed bounced back off the woodwork. There was one 90-second spell where Tenerife hit both bar and post, as well as having two efforts scrambled off the line. There is now a real belief in this team, and they almost have that swagger - the one where a team just know they have the other side beaten. But life is never straightforward in Santa Cruz. On the hour mark, Aitor Sanz was booked for a foul when it was the other way around. He had been fouled and he tried to plead his case with the hopeless Muñoz. He was not the only one. Reserve keeper Diego, who has yet to play for the club, raced over to the linesman and started giving him

plenty of bunny. Muñoz wasn’t having that and he reached for the red. Cue more pandemonium. I wonder if Diego will enter the record books for being the only player to be sent off without ever seeing a second of action? Meanwhile Recreativo hooked the poor Linares and brought on Aloys Nong. The Cameron striker has never scored in Spanish football and hasn’t hit the net in nearly two years. But my, did he want to change that on Sunday. He was almost unplayable as he scared the life out of Alberto and Bruno. He changed the contest and suddenly, it was like watching an old-school FA Cup tie. The visitors dropped the shackles and Tenerife enjoyed the extra space. It was free-flowing, NBA-esq, until Muñoz got involved again. Fifteen minutes from time, Recreativo broke from a Tenerife corner and were away. But Sanz got back and his sweet challenge just inside the home half won the ball. Well that’s what 10,781 fans, a full press box and thousands of TV viewers thought. Snr Muñoz, however, went all Mr Magoo.

He blew for a free-kick, produced the yellow and then the red card. I swear for a second I thought Sanz was going to lump the ref. He was in a rage of Mike Tyson proportions. It was the signal for an all-out Recreativo onslaught, but, in testing conditions Tenerife somehow kept them out. This was a massive win against a promotion rival. Yes, that’s the phrase. This win announced Tenerife. We are gunning for promotion. Canarian Weekly ratings CD Tenerife: Roberto 7, Moyano 6, Bruno 7, Alberto 7, Ayoze Diaz 7, Suso 8 (Nano 86min), Ricardo 7, Aitor Sanz 7, Martin 6 (Inigo Ros 76 min), Aridane 7, Ayoze 7 (Edgar 81 min). Recreativo: Cabrero 8, Zamora 6, Menosse 5 (Arana 55 min 5), Morcillo 7, Toño 6, Dimas 5, Montoro 6, Fernando Vega 5 (Gallegos 81 min), Adan 6, Linares 5 (Nong 65 min 7), Anton 6. I’ve never been a stats man. Even as a commentator. It’s just not been my bag. It works for John Motson, but for me, the only stat that counts is the score. That said, statistics can inspire confidence. On Sunday, Tenerife travel to Mallorca knowing they have lost only two away matches since they faced Mallorca in Santa Cruz back in October. That’s impressive. Carlos Ruiz remains in defence, and, while Aitor Sanz must sit this one out, Inigo Ros is chomping at the bit. “The whole team are in great spirits and we want to keep this push going,” he said at a press conference. “It’s tough on Aitor, but we are a squad. We all want to win.” At the time of writing there is a doubt over wonderkid Ayoze Perez. He has had a virus for the last week and picked up a knock on Sunday.

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Sport

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

53 CW

Don’t panic! Grandad hits a 180 JUST 31 matches! That’s all it took him. But he finally got there, so hat’s off to Grandad of Premier League side The Pub.

only manage a draw with Target Army. Four more points from Bar 180 will give them the title. La Caña Lancers’ Darren hit his third 180 in a 6-2 win at Vikings Ensecan, and Alan hit one for Ourplace Playboys, though they were beaten by stablemates Ourplace Naturals. Rood are Division 1 champions! A 5-3 success over Marilyns saw them claim top spot and a big shiny trophy. Having lost just one match all season, they are worthy champions. Ya-Ya! Gaffers B will be confirmed as runners-up

He threw his first maximum during his team’s 7-1 victory at Target Titans, and, apparently, he celebrated by opening a packet of Werthers Originals, washed down with some Jaeger! Leaders Bar 180 A matched that scoreline with a fine performance at Gaffers A, while Palms Sports Bar could

PRemier division ResultS

by taking just a single point from their next fixture. Their last fixture didn’t go quite as planned as they lost at Bar 180 C, Rob hitting yet another 180 for the home side.

A 6-2 win over Barracuda Bytes for Emerald Lounge means that they look favourites to finish third, especially after Bar 180 B tied at four apiece with Amistad 1.

Elsewhere, Chipeque took the trebles to beat Trap Door, and Summerland crushed Naughty Nautas 7-1. More congratulations are in order for Division 2 outfit Tenerife Sun. A solid 6-2 win at The Rebels means they will be crowned champions come next month’s Presentation Night. Congrats also to Emerald Shamrocks, whose victory at Picasso’s has guaranteed them second place in their first season in the league. That result put a slight dent in Picasso’s hopes of picking up

the third-place trophy. They do have games in hand, however. The Lancers’ 6-2 success against the Playgirls sees them sitting in that spot right now, although they face a tricky tie with the Shamrocks this week. Pas O Nadas (I do love that name) have enjoyed a good campaign, and their 5-3 win at the Hunters might be enough for them, if results go their way. Finally, Phoenix Flights’ strong finish to the season continued as they came away from Sundowners with a fivepoint haul.

Division 1 ResultS

Division 2 ResultS

Bar 180 B 4-4 Amistad 1 Bar 180 C 6-2 Gaffers B Emerald Lounge 6-2 Barracuda Bytes Naughty Nautas 1-7 Summerland Rood 5-3 Marilyns Trap Door 3-5 Chipeque Pool Bar

Amistad 2 8-0 Bar 180 D Barracuda Hunters 3-5 Pas ‘O’ Nadas La Caña Lancers 6-2 Ourplace Playgirls Picassos 2-6 Emerald Shamrocks Sundowners Bar 3-5 Phoenix Flights The Rebels 2-6 Tenerife Sun

Premier Division Table

Division 1 Table

Table P W D L F A +- PTS 1 Bar 180 A 30 25 4 1 189 51 138 189 2 Palms Sports Bar 30 21 4 5 169 71 98 169 3 Phoenix Bar 31 22 6 3 168 80 88 168 4 The Pub 31 21 3 7 163 85 78 163 5 Target Army 31 17 5 9 151 97 54 151 6 La Caña Pirates 31 14 3 14 121 127 -6 121 7 Ourplace Naturals 31 11 5 15 111 137 -26 111 8 Target Titans 31 9 6 16 108 140 -32 108 9 Vikings Ensecan 31 7 5 19 103 145 -42 103 10 Gaffers A 31 4 5 22 69 179 -110 69 11 Ourplace Playboys 31 3 5 23 66 182 -116 66 12 Scruffy Macs 31 3 5 23 62 186 -124 62

Division 2 Table

Table 1 Rood 2 Gaffers B 3 Bar 180 B 4 Emerald Lounge 5 Chipeque Pool Bar 6 Bar 180 C 7 Trap Door 8 Naughty Nautas 9 Summerland 10 Barracuda Bytes 11 Marilyns 12 Amistad 1

Gaffers A Ourplace Naturals Palms Sports Bar Phoenix Bar Target Titans Vikings Ensecan

1-7 5-3 4-4 8-0 1-7 2-6

Bar 180 A Ourplace Playboys Target Army Scruffy Macs The Pub La Caña Pirates

P W D L F A +- PTS 32 26 5 1 174 82 92 174 31 19 6 6 149 99 50 149 32 16 7 9 141 115 26 141 31 16 4 11 141 107 34 141 31 16 3 12 138 110 28 138 31 13 7 11 137 111 26 137 30 9 11 10 119 121 -2 119 31 8 7 16 114 134 -20 114 31 10 7 14 110 138 -28 110 30 10 6 14 108 132 -24 108 31 4 3 24 82 166 -84 82 31 3 6 22 75 173 -98 75

Table P W D L F A +- PTS 1 Tenerife Sun 31 24 5 2 177 71 106 177 2 Emerald Shamrocks 31 22 3 6 159 89 70 159 3 La Caña Lancers 31 15 7 9 136 112 24 136 4 Pas ‘O’ Nadas 32 16 3 13 135 121 14 135 5 Picassos 30 12 8 10 127 113 14 127 6 Sundowners Bar 31 13 5 13 124 124 0 124 7 The Rebels 32 12 6 14 121 135 -14 121 8 Bar 180 D 31 12 7 12 119 129 -10 119 9 Phoenix Flights 31 11 9 11 118 130 -12 118 10 Barracuda Hunters 30 8 3 19 104 136 -32 104 11 Amistad 2 31 7 5 19 98 150 -52 98 12 Ourplace Playgirls 31 2 3 26 70 178 -108 70

Let’s drink to the Elkaholics THE FA Cup quarter-finals provided most of the excitement last week in the football world.

But there were still a few Premier League games played, and one or two managers in the Oasis Fm Fantasy

League boxed clever and packed their teams with players they knew would be in action. So what could have been a low point-scoring week proved beneficial for some. The team of the week reflects the results from the games which did take place, with those who won providing

most of the players. Man Utd lead the way for a change with four players. Chelsea provided three, Cardiff two and Southampton and Norwich one apiece. It is now looking more and more like a twohorse race for the title. Steve Schofield and his Tenerife Hotspurs are just about keeping their nose in front, but Andy Palmer is pushing all the way. His Premier Sat Utd managed to make more ground up this week, closing to within just

eight points! But Steve spoke with us this week, and it’s clear he is still in bullish mood. “I’m not throwing it away,” he insisted. “I’m going to redouble my efforts - and I will win!” Team of the week goes to The Elkaholics, managed by Oasis Fm’s very own Chris Elkington, with an impressive points total of 68, especially given that there were just a handful of matches. It was such a good week for Chris that he has moved in front of Adi in

the battle of the Oasis Fm DJs. Roscoe is still in third and catching fast, while Maggie Lennard needs a massive 203-point swing in the Top Ten standings

closing weeks to avoid the wooden spoon. Not sure it’s going to happen so, Maggie, I like my steak medium rare.

Pos

team name

player

this week

total pts

Tenerife Hotspur

Steven Schofield

1,762

Premier Sat Utd

Andy Palmer

1,754

Turbin Terrorists

James Ferraby

1,693

Over land and sea

Paul Tregent

1,691

Summerland saints

Jeff Hall

1,681

@Jony_TF

Jonay Diaz

1,652

Shankly’s best

Michael Dwyer

1,643

Blacktower Finance

Laura Mann

1,638

Burghill Rovers

Stephen Snook

1,619

The Spartans

Jamie Palmer

1,611

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www.canarianweekly.com

Sport

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

Gaffers stretched to the limit

TENERIFE Pool Tables Cup and Plate competition quarterfinals threw up some stories, as usual.

The league’s top two teams were both in action, with Gaffers A hosting Exiles A without Ash, one of their best players. And it showed. The Exiles were always in the tie and were disappointed not to progress, but Gaffers needed every frame to get over the line. Meanwhile, in Los Abrigos, there was a repeat of last year’s Cup Final. League leaders Tenerife Hammers A had a ghost to excise as they faced Phoenix Knights, who had beaten them in three previous cup-ties. Again it was a close game, but the eelmunchers achieved what they hadn’t on previous occasions and got the victory a little cosier than the 7-5 scoreline suggested. There are also two Second Division teams in the semi-finals, James

Place beating Toscales B and Inn The Pink B destroying Next Door for the second time in two weeks. In the Plate, holders Palms A were the bookies’ favourites to defend the trophy, but Treehouse A hadn’t read the script. In a strange match, Mark was unstoppable for the hosts, winning all three of his matches. But so did Roscoe for Palms and they clashed in a 13th-frame decider to settle the tie, Mark getting Treehouse home with his fourth success of the night. Stablemates Treehouse B weren’t so lucky. They were competitive, but couldn’t get past Inn The Pink A. Performance of the night went to The Peacocks, who turned up in Los Abrigos for their game against La Caña A with just three players, meaning they were already 3-0 down. However, they did not let this ruffle their feathers and the match went to a tie-break frame, The Peacocks holding their nerve to confound their original predica-

TPT Plate Quarter Final

Treehouse A Inn The Pink A La Cana A Bluebell B

7-6 8-4 6-7 7-5

TPT Cup Quarter Finals

Toscales B Gaffers A Next Door Phoenix Knights

4-8 7-5 2-10 5-7

ment and strut home. Taking the last semifinal place were Bluebell B, still in with an outside chance of promotion from Division 2. And the Los Cristianos team beat Exiles B in a closefought match. Yesterday (Thursday), the draw was made for the semi-finals, which they threw up some cracking ties. In the Cup, Hammers A and Gaffers A will play each other at 2JZs in a mouth-watering clash. This also means a Second Division side will make the final because James Place and Inn The Pink B lock horns at Peacocks. Talking of the Leeds lads, the Peacocks will face Inn The Pink A in the Plate semi-final at Kandi Lounge while

Division 2 results Palms A Treehouse B Peacocks Exiles B

James Place Exiles A Inn The Pink B Hammers A

Bluebell B and Treehouse A will get it on at Dreamers Bar. These matches will be played on 29th April. There was Division Two action this week and it’s now really tight at the top, with just a point separating the leading two teams! Inn The Pink B still lead the division, but the chasing pack caught up as they were in the Cup. Their biggest rivals, Palms B, were in action twice and came away with six big points. On Monday night they squeezed past an inform Bluebell B side, and on Tuesday they travelled to Dreamers B and made light work of their task. They are now just a point behind Inn The

Bar La Cana B 2-10 Gaffers C Dreamers B 2-10 Palms Bar B Picasso’s A 2-10 Kandi 13 Shorty’s 5-7 2JZ Gaffers B 5-7 Terrace Bar B Palms Bar B 7-5 Bluebell B Treehouse B 6-6 Tenerife Pool Tables Division 2 table

Table 1 Inn The Pink B 2 Palms Bar B 3 James Place 4 Exiles B 5 Bluebell B 6 Gaffers B 7 Bluebell A 8 Terrace Bar B 9 Kandi 13 10 2JZ 11 Gaffers C

P W 24 19 23 19 22 15 23 15 22 15 22 12 24 12 24 12 24 11 24 11 24 10

Pink and still have a game in hand! Treehouse B and Tenerife Pool Tables are neighbours in terms of league positions - and when they played each other this week they still could not be separated, sharing the points after a hard-fought draw. Terrace Bar B continued their recent good form. They travelled to Gaffers B and after a close game, Amarilla Golf boys emerged victorious. For some teams, it is

D L F A +- PTS 3 2 187 101 86 60 2 2 185 91 94 59 3 4 172 92 80 48 3 5 173 103 70 48 2 5 146 118 28 47 5 5 156 108 48 41 5 7 161 127 34 41 4 8 157 131 26 40 5 8 150 138 12 38 4 9 150 138 12 37 5 9 151 137 14 35 now all about the finishing position. Promotion is out of their hands, but they still want to finish as high as possible, Kandi 13 are looking to cement a top-10 place and were value for their big win against Picasso’s A. 2JZ’s, also just in the top half of the table, scraped past Shorty’s. And Gaffers C, who also want to break into the top-10, dismantled Bar La Caña B for a good win.

Can Bob show his Worth again? THE fourth and final day of the Cheltenham Festival takes place today (Friday), and it has already been a magical week.

Vautour could be another wonder horse after slamming his rivals in the Supreme Novices Hurdle, while stablemate Faugheen was just as impressive in taking the Neptune Hurdle. Jezki reversed form with Hurricane Fly as he held off the determined challenge of My Tent Or Yours to claim the

Champion Hurdler in a thrilling finish. This year’s Queen Mother Champion Chase was not a vintage renewal, but take nothing away from Sire De Grugy, who was a worthy winner. He walloped perennial nearly-horse Sommersby to give Jamie Moore a first-ever Festival win. Balthazar King won the Cross Country Race for a second time and yesterday (Thursday), there was the battle of The Lady & The Champ in the World Hurdle. Annie Power versus the brilliant Big Bucks, but More Of That didn’t read the script. The

lightly-raced six-yearold was good value for his win as Annie Power didn’t stay up the Cheltenham Hill. Today, Bobs Worth is a solid favourite to retain the Gold Cup he won

in impressive style last year. The Nicky Henderson-trained gelding looked as good as ever at Christmas as he beat a decent field in the Lexus Chase at Leopardstown.

His main rival looks to be Silviniaco Conti who could be coming back to form. He’s not the easiest to train, but he was in the groove at Christmas as he took the King George.

He was also going well when he fell in the Gold Cup last year, and, provided there are no mental scares, he has every chance. Last Instalment and First Lieutenant have been well backed over the last few weeks, but have a bit to find on the formbook. A better each-way bet could be Triolo D’alene, who will have Tony McCoy in the saddle. He was a surprise winner of the Hennessy in November, but is said to have flourished since. But for us, it’s all about Bob. If the champion stays out of trouble, Bobs Worth will win the 2014 Gold Cup.

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Sport

14th March 2014 - 20th March 2014

By Adi Benson SOMETIMES, it’s as if the fixtures’ computer can predict which teams will be where in the latter stages of the season.

And more so now as we come to another weekend and another set of interesting games. Chelsea are now seven points clear at the top. The teams behind them have games in hand but Chelsea have the points in the bank - and I know what I’d rather have! Hull v Man City (Saturday, 12.45pm) Hull will be fairly confident that they have done enough to stay up as they are five points clear of the relegation zone with seven teams below them. They also have an FA Cup semi final to look forward to, and a trip to Wembley, so they will go into this game in a buoyant mood. Contrast that with the mood of their opponents, who were knocked out of the FA Cup by Wigan (their new bogey team) and you have an interesting game on your hands. City need points to retain their chance of taking the title, and they are hurting. Hull will have to batten down the hatches because this is going to be a tough game. Prediction: Away win Swansea v West Brom (Saturday, 3pm) Swansea no longer have European distractions and will want to finish as high in the league as possible now. But they need to be wary as they are just four points above the relegation zone. West Brom have also under-achieved. They are on their second manager - and he may even depart before the season is finished. Dependent on results this weekend, they could be in the bottom three come tomorrow (Saturday) evening. They need a win, but it is going to be difficult. Prediction: Home win

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City are off to Hull and back

Everton v Cardiff (Saturday, 3pm) I thought Everton played well against Arsenal and the scoreline did not tell the whole picture. But the fact remains that they are out of the Cup and must focus on getting a Europa League place for next season. With home advantage, I can’t see past three points for the Toffee Men. Cardiff had a good result last time out against Fulham in a must-win game for both clubs, with the home showing more desire. Prediction: Home win Fulham v Newcastle (Saturday, 3pm) I can’t really see any way back for Fulham this season. True, they are just four points from safety and the teams around them have difficult fixtures. But they are so poor. They spent big in January and have chopped and changed managers, but we have seen no improvement. Last weekend was a chance for them to show a bit of fight - but nothing! And, it would seem from their reaction, they have accepted their fate. Newcastle’s season is effectively over. They are safe but nowhere near a European place, so it’s all about whether they finish 8th or 9th

now, which may offer some hope to Fulham fans. Maybe the commitment won’t be there but I doubt it, Newcastle still want to win games, and this will be no different. Prediction: Away win Soton v Norwich (Saturday, 3pm) Southampton are another team just going through the motions now, but when you have players like Lallana, Shaw, Rodriguez and Lambert pushing for an England World Cup place, they will always

be dangerous. They will ensure their standard of performance is high and that there is enough quality between the four of them to win games. Norwich picked up a resilient point against Stoke in their last game, which may be just enough to keep them up, but they will not be complacent and need to push for more points. If they can match last weekend’s performance, they may grab another point here. Prediction: Draw Stoke v West Ham

(Saturday, 3pm) I don’t think this game will go down as a classic because both teams are level on points and similar in style. Stoke struggled against a well-organised Norwich team last week. Both teams’ midfielders might get a rest in this game because West Ham are similar because they’ll be pumping balls forward to Andy Carroll. West Ham have had a good few weeks and I think the teams are likely to cancel each other out. Prediction: Draw Sunderland v Crystal Palace (Saturday, 3pm) This could be the match of the weekend. Sunderland are three points behind Palace and have a better goaldifference, so a win here would see them move above. The Black Cats will be disappointed to have fallen against Hull in the FA Cup, just a week after losing the League Cup final. All eyes will be on Liam Bridcutt, who replaces the suspended Lee Cattermole. He’s mustard and could be the difference in midfield. Palace have stalled a little since the early weeks of the Tony Pulis reign. They were average last weekend and need to get back to winning ways. Prediction: Home win Aston Villa v Chelsea (Saturday, 5.30pm) Could Villa have a say in the race for the title? They have underperformed against some of the league’s lower teams, but have put in a couple of decent performances against the better sides. That said, Chelsea have another chance to put more distance between themselves and fellow title challengers. Villa will need a team performance - but at home, anything is possible. As we’re out before the press conference tomorrow (Friday), we can guess that Mourinho has again played

down his team’s chances of winning the league! Not sure what he has been on of late, but surely the league is now Chelsea’s to lose? They brushed aside Spurs last weekend and I expect them to do the same to Villa. Prediction: Away win Man Utd v Liverpool (Sunday, 1.30pm) This will a test of character for Man Utd. We all know they have not had the best of seasons, but they did win their last game, and this is a fixture where form doesn’t count for much. They will want to put on a performance for their fans, and what better way for David Moyes to earn a few Brownie points than with a win over his old enemy. And United may even feel that a victory will give them a slim chance of fourth spot. Liverpool have had a long break between games and should be coming into this fixture refreshed. But it could also work against them in terms of getting up to match-pace. We know Liverpool are formidable in attack but poor in defence, and they face a tough time against United’s attack. Prediction: Away win Spurs v Arsenal (Sunday, 4pm) Another fixture in which form goes out of the window and pride plays a bigger part. Spurs are still fifth but have really blown hot and cold this season, and they will not be happy after losing so easily to Chelsea. This is a good opportunity for them to move closer to Arsenal, and, should they pull off a win, they will be within three points of their north London rivals, and would more or less finish Arsenal’s title dream. The Gunners really need to win this game if they are to stay in the race, and a slip-up here would leave their entire season hinging on the FA Cup. Prediction: Away win

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