“Lost In My Bedroom”- Allison Tovey ……………..Page 4 “Softer, Softest”- Inés Cardó …………………...….Page 6 “Girl”- Inés Cardo…………………………………....Page 10 “Reinventing Yourself and the Power to Be You – Kaitlyn Tiffany ……………………………………….Page 12 “Europe Trip”- Fleur Stiels …………………………Page 22 Libby Reel …………………………………...……...Page 30 “Alright”- Anna Sewalson ………………………….Page 32 “TV Shows and Movies”- Anna Sewalson ...…….Page 34 “August Playlist”- Anna Sewalson ………………..Page 36 “Screenshots // Teen Dreams”- Kaitlyn Tiffany ….Page 37 “The Art of Being”- Riley Hanna …………...……..Page 38 “Pieces Of You”- Sarah Lee ………...…………….Page 44 “Social Anxiety”- Izze Greene …………………….Page 45 “Road Trip Diary”- Lucie Turkel …………………..Page 46 “How Flowers Saved Me”- KC ……………………Page 52 Lily Finn…………………………...…………………Page 53 “Pets For Profits”- Izze Greene ………………......Page 56 “Acquisitive Affinity”- Sarah Lee ……………...…..Page 58 “August Visual Diary”- Allison Tovey ……….…….Page 59 “August Favorites Playlist”- Allison Tovey ……….Page 65 “September Favorites Playlist”- Allison Tovey …..Page 66 “September Moodboard // Static Memories – Kaitlyn Tiffany ………………………………………Page 67 “September Film Favorites // Autumn Vibes and Rebel Hearts”Kaitlyn Tiffany ……………………………Page 74 “Teenage Angst // A Poem”- Kaitlyn Tiffany ……..Page 79 “My Best Friends”- Jen Smalls ………….………..Page 80 “September Visual Diary”- Allison Tovey ………...Page 82
Softer, Softest
By In茅s Card贸
Girl by In茅s Card贸
Reinventing Yourself and the Courage to Be By Kaitlyn Tiffany You The beginning of a new school year, it’s quite poetic in a way. The day before school starts is almost like New Year’s Eve. New hair, new clothes, new people, and a new sense of self. The summer for me is a pretty still time, a lot of daydreaming and a lot of meditation. This is the time where I look at my life with a magnifying glass and see what I like…and I see what I would like to change. I look back at all the mistakes I made last year and I get excited about all the new possibilities that await me. This is also a scary time because it is so easy to slip back into old habits and we all start to dread the endless days of boredom and pencil shavings. Luckily it doesn’t have to be like that. We all have the potential to do great things and I challenge all of you to have the courage to be you. So many of us feel afraid to be our true selves (including myself), mainly due to the chance of rejection and also because it’s much easier to just sit in the back of class, look out the window, and blend into our natural habitat. I honestly think that life is too short and too precious to sit back and watch the clock tick. Obviously we will all (mostly) be excited about school starting, but then a few weeks will go by and we will all remember why we hated it in the first place. These next few months are going to be really exciting and I think we should feel that way all year round. Being yourself doesn’t always mean that you have to find yourself right away. I believe that in the process of being yourself, you will find
yourself.
My new mantra is “Find the magic in yourself”. I remind myself this all the time because I think it is so important that we listen to the beat of our own drum and follow where ever it takes us. You will always know what’s best for you and I think that finding yourself is crucial to your happiness. This will not be another year of regrets, this will be the year of second chances, and the year where we all become one with the earth and with ourselves. I have recently decided that I want to follow where my heart takes me and not discourage myself because of others opinions. In times of disappointment and confusion, I will not try and change something about myself to hide the fact that I am unhappy. Also I encourage all of you to really set a goal for this school year. It doesn’t have to be about grades necessarily but it should be something that has been itching at you for months, or even something you have always wanted to be or do. You control your own destiny and there is no better time than now to become your best self. We all need to stop creating little dreamlands in our heads where we are exactly where we want to be in life. Let’s stop living through movies and instead turn our lives into them. Wear your favorite character like a raincoat, turn your fantasy into your reality, and never underestimate the power of dedication. Connect with your mind, body, and soul through your spirituality. Find peace within yourself and become one with the seasons. Shed what doesn’t serve this fall, jump on the crunchy leaves as if they were all the mistakes you made last year, and pick the apples from the trees to symbolize all of the great opportunities you are about to reap. You are beautiful inside and out and it’s about time that the world knew it as well.
On a lighter note, I thought it would be nice to also add on here my back to school list! Here are all of my favorite movies, TV shows, and albums that help me out during this crazy time. I think these will help in making the transition between the stillness of summer to the hub-bub of everyday school life. I really hope you enjoy these little gems and have a lovely day! XOXO Kaitlyn
Back to School List Mermaids (1990) dir. Richard Benjamin “An unconventional single mother relocates with her two daughters to a small Massachusetts town in 1963, where a number of events and relationships both challenge and strengthen their familial bonds.”
Wild Heart (1983) by Stevie Nicks “The Wild Heart is the second studio album by the American singer-songwriter and Fleetwood Mac vocalist Stevie Nicks. Recording began In late 1982, shortly after the end of Fleetwood Mac's Mirage Tour.” (My favorite track is “Nightbird”)
Palo Alto (2012) dir. Gia Coppola “A lack of parental guidance encourages teens in an affluent California town to rebel l with substance abuse and casual sex.”
Salad Days (2014) by Mac DeMarco “Salad Days is the second full-length studio album by Canadian musician Mac DeMarco released on April 1, 2014 through Captured Tracks.” (My favorite track is “Chamber of Reflection”)
Pretty In Pink (1986) dir. Howard Deutch Andie (Molly Ringwald) is an outcast at her Chicago high school, hanging out either with her older boss (Annie Potts), who owns the record store where she works, or her quirky classmate Duckie (Jon Cryer), who has a crush on her. When one of the rich and popular kids at school, Blane (Andrew McCarthy), asks Andie out, it seems too good to be true. As Andie starts falling for Blane she begins to realize that dating someone from a different social sphere is not easy.
Parallel Lines (1978) by Blondie “Parallel Lines is the third studio album by the American rock band Blondie, released in September 1978 by Chrysalis Records.” (My favorite track is “Heart of Glass”)
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains (1982) dir. Lou Adler “Corinne Burns (Diane Lane) is a typical frustrated teenager living in a nowhere town until she catches punk band the Looters. Bewitched by the whole punk scene, she and her fledgling band, the Stains, join the tour, and in no time at all become media magnets. The band forms a rabid following of young girls, while Corrine begins a relationship with Looters singer Billy (Ray Winstone). As the Stains get bigger and bigger, however, Corinne's ambition gets the better of her.”
Queens of Noise (1977) by The Runaways “Queens of Noise is the second studio album by the American rock band The Runaways. Released in January 1977 on Mercury Records, it is fundamentally a hard rock album, although it also exhibits influences from punk rock, heavy metal, and blues rock.” (My favorite track is “Born to be Bad”)
American Beauty (1999) dir. Sam Mendes “Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) is a gainfully employed suburban husband and father. Fed up with his boring, stagnant existence, he quits his job and decides to reinvent himself as a pot-smoking, responsibility-shirking teenager. What follows is at once cynical, hysterical, and, eventually, tragically uplifting.”
Live through This (1994) by Hole “Live Through This is the second studio album by American alternative rock band Hole. It was released by DGC Records on April 12, 1994, just four days after frontwoman Courtney Love's husband, Kurt Cobain, was found dead in their home” (My favorite track is “Rock Star”)
Freaks and Geeks (1999-2000) creator Paul Feig “After her grandmother's death, a high school mathlete starts hanging out with a group of burnouts while her younger brother navigates his freshman year.”
Disraeli Gears (1967) by Cream “Disraeli Gears is the second studio album by the English rock band Cream. It was released in November 1967 and went on to reach No. 5 on the UK Albums Chart” (My favorite track is “Dance the Night Away”)
My So Called Life (1994-1995) creator Winnie Holzman
"My So-Called Life" is a bastion of teen angst. Angela is a high schooler in constant turmoil over her exposure to boys, friends, drugs, sex ... basically the normal 1990s teen trappings. Many a plot revolves around Angela's crush on heartthrob Jordan Catalano.”
Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can’t We? (1993) by The Cranberries “Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We? is the debut album by Irish rock band The Cranberries. Released in 1993, it was their first full-length album after having released four EPs, and is also their first major label release.” (My favorite track is “Sunday”) Velvet Goldmine (1998) dir. Todd Haynes “In 1984, British journalist Arthur Stuart investigates the career of 1970s glam superstar Brian Slade, who was heavily influenced in his early years by hardliving and rebellious American singer Curt Wild.”
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust (1972) by David Bowie “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars is the fifth studio album by English musician David Bowie, which is loosely based on a story of a fictional rock star named Ziggy Stardust.” (My favorite track is “Starman”)
Prozac Nation (2001) dir. Erik Skjoldbjaerg
“Based on the best selling novel, set in the mid 1980's before the prevalence of anti-depressants, it follows a young working class woman's (Christina Ricci) bout with depression during her first year at Harvard. The film explores this generation's struggle to navigate the effects of divorce, drugs, sex, and an overbearing mother (Jessica Lange)” Rock ‘n’ Roll by Lou Reed
Animal
(1974)
“Rock n Roll Animal is a live album by Lou Reed, released in 1974. In its original form, it features five songs, four of which are Velvet Underground songs. They are all re-arranged into what will later be called a powerful glam rock set.” (My favorite track is “Heroin”)
Jawbreaker (1999) dir. Darren Stein “When an exclusive clique of teenage socialites accidentally murders their best friend, Liz (Charlotte Roldan), on the morning of her birthday, the three girls responsible – Courtney (Rose McGowan), Julie (Rebecca Gayheart) and Marcie (Julie Benz) -- conspire to hide the truth. As the trio make over nerdy reject Fern Mayo (Judy Greer) and groom her to take Liz's place, Last Splash (1993) by crack police Detective Vera Cruz (Pam The Breeders Grier) launches an investigation that will turn Reagan High School upside down.” “Last Splash is the second album by indie rock band The Breeders, released August 1993. Originally formed as a side project for Pixies bassist Kim Deal, The Breeders quickly became her primary recording outlet.” (My favorite track is “Do you love me now?”)
Libby Reel
Screenshot // Teen Dreams By Kaitlyn Tiffany
Moments in time they all fly by…so fast, Like starships that enter our atmosphere. Dreamscapes that are seen only for the purpose to disappear. Universes encapsulated in a second. Galaxies trapped in photos. Screenshots, Teen dream. All along the same light beam. Lazar target on my heart, as I make my way through the halls. The moments fade like the end of a silent film. One…two…three…gone.
The Art of Being by Riley Hanna What is mindfulness? You’ve probably heard this word before, as in being mindful of your surroundings, but how does one practice mindfulness? How does one be mindful? I hope to answer these questions in this article, as practicing mindfulness has changed my life for the better. To me, mindfulness is the state of full awareness. It is the state of being completely awake to what surrounds you, whether these things are sounds, smells, objects, textures, tastes, or ideas. It is getting out of your own head and being completely focused on the beauty of life. Practicing mindfulness is a beautiful thing. It helps us to not take advantage of the gifts we have been given through life every single day. In witnessing these moments of absolute beauty, being mindful is the most effective way to fully savor the moment.
A few weeks back was the Perseids meteor shower. Some of my best friends and I drove out to the plains see this natural phenomenon. We layed ourselves on the ground and stared up at the night sky. Where I live, there is a lot of light pollution and we rarely see more than a few stars. Where we were, I had never seen so many stars in my life. It was absolutely magical. I looked up at the sky and completely denied myself thoughts about my life and my miniscule problems. I let the beauty of the sky consume me, and thought about how incredibly vast this universe is. I sometimes laugh at how deep my thoughts can get (I have my moon in Scorpio, so naturally I have always been a deep thinker), but this time I just let my thoughts run wild. I thought about how much I want to learn about constellations, so I could fully appreciate the beauty I was looking at. I thought about how amazing it was that as you looked at the stars, you traveled through time. The light of the stars we see each night take millions of light years to reach Earth, and some of the stars we see today no longer exist. By merely looking up we can travel through time. I thought about the fact that there is no possible way that we can be alone in this universe. The universe is infinite, and we are just a speck of dust in a vast ocean of undiscovered things. This experience gave me validation that there is a purpose in everything. We were not put into this universe just for the hell of it, we have a reason to exist. I have never felt so incredibly grateful to be alive.
I honestly feel bad for people that are not mindful. I feel that a lot of people would see the meteors streaking across the sky and think to themselves, “wow that’s so pretty!” without a second thought. People in this society are so distracted by their own thoughts that few people are able to just be. There are always distractions and always other things to do, that people miss out on the beauty in just being present and being alive. Being alive is the greatest gift out there, why do so many people waste it? I know I was once one of these people, but my journey of mindfulness has undoubtedly made me a better person and more one with myself. If you are reading this, and have realized you are one of the people I have described above, don’t feel bad at all! I’m not at all saying that these people are ungrateful, I’m saying that these people have not discovered the beauty of being present. They have not discovered how amazing being mindful is. A lot of these people don’t even know what mindfulness is. If you want to start practicing mindfulness, here are a few tips I have to help you begin your journey…
How To Practice Mindfulness In Everyday Life: 1. Start off every single morning grateful. Even if you got horrible sleep, thank the universe for giving you another day to live. 2. When eating, take the time to savor your food. Notice the texture of what you are eating. Savor the taste in your mouth. I love doing this with fruit, just because it’s natural and absolutely delicious. 3. When in a car (not while driving, focus on the road and fasten your seatbelt), look around you at all of the natural life surrounding you. Even if there is only one tree around you, give it your full attention and study all of its intricacies. I do this every single time I am in a car.
4. MEDITATE. That is the absolute best way in my opinion to become mindful. Some of my favorite crystals to use in mindful meditation are moss agate and kambaba jasper. Moss agate helps you to be more mindful of the natural world, and kambaba jasper reminds us that we are not here on this earth to do for ourselves alone. 5. Go on a nature walk. Turn off the ringer on your phone (I didn’t say leave your phone behind, in case something goes wrong you must always be prepared. Also you can get some pretty sweet pictures of natural beauties) and just walk. Listen to the birds chirping around you. Feel the wind rush through your hair. Just be in the moment. Pretty amazing things happen on nature walks; once I saw a blue heron and it was absolutely beautiful.
6. Turn off your phone for at least an hour a day. I would recommend being on your phone as little as possible. Phones are such a distraction, and in this society we are so obsessed with capturing and documenting everything that we forget to just live in the moment. 7. Live in the now. Don’t dwell on the past, and don’t worry about the future. Those moments are not in our control. What is in our control is what we choose to do in the present moment. Be completely present and attentive. 8. Don’t tune out the world. While music is great, give yourself time to listen to the music that surrounds you, whether that is the sound of rain or the sound of bugs chirping. 9. Focus. If you find yourself easily distracted, remind yourself to focus. Put the word focus somewhere you can always see it (on your wall, the wallpaper on your phone, write it on your hand, etc.). 10. JUST BE. This is the best advice I can give to you. Be one with your surroundings. Be present in this moment. Be grateful of your life. BE. I hope this has helped you in some way. If this has even made you think about being mindful, I have succeeded in writing this. Remember to keep your eyes, heart, and mind open to new things, and find beauty in everything. Be happy, be mindful, and be yourself. Just be.
Pieces of You by Sarah Lynn It's been one week since we've broken up. The poetry you wrote me lays scattered on the floor, crumpled sheets of paper ripped from your notebook. A hurricane had torn through the room and dropped pieces of you in every corner. Your razor sitting on the edge of the bathtub. How could you have been so cruel as to leave it there? I can't bring myself to move it. Touching it penetrates the tough layers of skin that only you could break through and taps upon the very heart that you still hold in your palm. My blood sheds and won't stop flowing until I taste it in the coffee at the bottom of my mug. Your presence dances upon my tongue until I can no longer bear the sound of your name. So I place my thoughts on a pedestal and sacrifice my mind, the only thing you didn't take from me. But I continue to clutch to the last scraps of myself in a sweaty hand, leaving blisters that will become the only sign that I ever loved you. I'll push and pull, fighting both sides of the battle till my brain begins to reject even the smallest idea of you, purging myself of the sour intoxication you forced down my throat. In my final offering to us, I burn every word of my love for you. It's been a year since we've broken up and I can still taste you on my tongue and in my teeth. I sweep the ash under the floorboards and find crumpled pages of the poetry I didn't mean to keep.
The first thing that came to mind when I thought of youth was The Virgin Suicides. This film is very special to me, as I can relate to being isolated and almost in an entirely different world. The Lisbon sisters were shut in and isolated by their parents. While I'm isolated and shut in by my social anxiety. Social anxiety has played a huge role in my youth. It's held me back from doing and saying what I want to; just like the parents of the Lisbon sisters who held them back from so many things that make being a teenager, a teenager. When Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon let the girls attend prom, it reminded me of times where I've gotten through my social anxiety and was able to attend events that I really wanted to. It reminded me that even though I have this mental illness, I am still capable of getting past it and enjoying myself. I'm still able to experience my youth, but in smaller doses. To much at once overwhelms me. By Izze Greene
Road Trip Diary
Lucie Turkel
Lily Finn
For years now, pet shops like; Petsmart, Petco, etc, have been selling some harmful products that pet shop corporations claim are safe. In addition to this, most of the small animals on sale are obtained from breeding mills. Breeding mills are places where animals are mass breeded, crammed into tiny and unsuitable living spaces, not given the correct care, and only seen as a profit; hence my title; "Pets for Profit." I'm mainly focusing on rodents and rodent products because that's what I've been researching about for the past two years. My goal with this zone is to make people aware of what they're giving their pets, where they get their pets, and why it matters. If you'd like to help with the making of this zine, please email me at izzegreene123@gmail.com. If you'd like updates and more information about Pets for Profit, find me on Instagram under "izzegreene.“
by Izze Greene
Acquisitive Affinity by Sarah Lynn By the time I met you, you were at the peak of your youth. You drove an old Harley and took me on rides at 2am. The wind whipping around my hair. The intoxication of your laughter. Short staggered breaths between kisses. I had always hated the smell of cigarettes, yet the taste of ash on your tongue drew me in. We hopped on your Harley and moved to New York City. We knew our love was damned from the start but we pretended love was living on week to week pay stubs and Saturday night shifts at the diner. Time passed and the pile of bills grew and so did the circles under your eyes. You replaced me with alcohol and I replaced you with memories of who you once were. I clung to you. Clutching your arm so tight. My fingerprints tattooed into your skin. You slipped between my grip. I needed you more than ever. Clawing through you. Grasping for a piece of you to bring me comfort. Coming up with nothing but empty beer bottles and cigarette butts in my palm. I need you. I miss you.
August Visual Diary
Allison Tovey
August Playlist California Dreamin’ // The Mamas
and The Papas Charmless Man // Blur Dressed To Kill // Sharon Needles You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) // Dead Or Alive Dearest // Buddy Holly Son Of A Preacher Man //
Dusty Springfield Native Love // Divine Temptation // New Order
September Playlist Wuthering Heights // Kate Bush
Crazy On You // Heart He’s Kissing Christian // That Dog The Bells // Lowell I Want To // Best Coast Without You // Lana Del Rey Queen Jane Approximately // Bob Dylan The Killing Moon // Echo and The Bunnymen She’s In Parties // Bauhaus Never Let Me Go // Lana Del Rey Crown On The Ground // Sleigh Bells Creep // Jinkx Monsoon Strawberry Juluis // Bikini Kill
september mood board // static memories by: kaitlyn tiffany
september film favorites // autumn vibes and rebel hearts
Harold and Maude (1971) dir. Hal Ashby
“Young, rich, and obsessed with death, Harold finds himself changed forever when he meets lively septuagenarian Maude at a funeral.”
Gypsy 83 (2000) dir. Todd Stephens
“Two young misfits head for New York City to celebrate their idol and muse, Stevie Nicks, at The Night of 1,000 Stevies. Along the road, in order for them to escape their painful pasts, they must discover their strengths and learn self-acceptance.”
Ginger Snaps (2000) dir. John Fawcett
“Two death-obsessed sisters, outcasts in their suburban neighborhood, must deal with the tragic consequences when one of them is bitten by a deadly werewolf.”
Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly
“A troubled teenager is plagued by visions of a large bunny rabbit that manipulates him to commit a series of crimes, after narrowly escaping a bizarre accident.”
Mysterious Skin (2004) dir. Gregg Araki
“A teenage hustler and a young man obsessed with alien abductions cross paths, together discovering a horrible, liberating truth.”
Party Monster (2003) dir. Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato
“This is the true story of Michael Alig, a Club Kid party organizer whose life was sent spiraling down when he bragged on television about killing his drug dealer and roommate.
Go (1999) dir. Doug Limo
“Go! tells the story of the events after a drug deal, told from three different points of view.”
We Are The Best! (2013) dir. Lukas Moodysson “Three girls in 1980s Stockholm decide to form
a punk band -- despite not having any instruments and being told by everyone that punk is dead.”
Tank Girl (1995) dir. Rachel Talalay
“Based on the British cult comic-strip, our tankriding anti-heroine fights a mega-corporation, which controls the world's water supply.”
The Legend of Billie Jean (1985) dir. Matthew Robbins
“A Texas teenager cuts her hair short and becomes an outlaw martyr with her brother and friends.”
teenage angst // a poem angel baby, hair black as the night runaway dreams with a rebel heart it’s just “teenage angst” they say she’s gone before the dawn of light mascara stains on her jeans a bit of her is in you and me she stands in the darkness with a drag in her hand she’s going away with the band goodie-two shoes with eyes so blue cherry-flavored licorice why won’t you just give her a kiss where will this angel baby sleep tonight
My Best Friends Jen Smalls
September Visual Diary
Allison Tovey
Thank you for reading the fifth issue of The Candy Zine Follow this issue’s lovely contributors on Instagram Allison Tovey @suzybish0p Inés Cardó @inescardo Kaitlyn Tiffany @holelottalove Fleur Stiels @holyglitter Libby Reel @sunburnedfreckles Anna Sewalson @boohoogrrrl Riley Hanna @rileyy_hanna Sarah Lynn @sarahlynnwrites Izze Greene @izzegreene Lucie Turkel @luciext KC @floweredcombat Lily Finn @emo__queen Jen Smalls @jeansmalls