The Candy Zine Issue Fourteen: February and March

cAnDy ISSUE FOURTEEN FEBRUARY / Â MARCH

CONTRIBUTORS contributorsAllison Tovey founder and editor

Ki Griffin Bailey Hoover Kirsty Lack Tottie May Laura Sawyer Fleur Stiels Anne Brown Amanda Headley Manar Khalid Grace Davies Sarah Husein Ellen Parsons Layla Allen Krista Mayanja Mad Crawford Meagan Mastriani Kaitlyn Tiffany Ke’Mari Moore

TABLE OF CONTENTS Cover Photo by Ki Griffin Bailey Hoover – Flashing Lights Kirsty Lack Tottie May – Do You Still Fancy Me? Laura Sawyer – He, She, They Fleur Stiels – Valentine Anne B. Amanda Headley Manar Khalid – Familarity Grace Davies Sarah Husein – Florence Ellen Parsons Layla Allen – An Interview With: Nyome Krista Mayanja Kirsty Lack Mad Crawford – Vacuum and Not Just Blue, Very Blue!

Meagan Mastriani -­ Zesto Kaitlyn Tiffany – Both Sides Now Ke’Mari Moore – Su Amor film Allison Tovey

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FLASHING LIGHTS

BAILEY HOOVER

don’t call me at 4 am when you’re drunk and wanting. don’t text me when you’re bored and need a distraction. call me in the morning to spend the day together and learn each other’s secrets. call me after work to ask about my day because you hope it was the best. i’m not a backup a last thought. a simple amusement when you don’t have better things to do. i’m a wonder to behold the rain, wind and sunshine contained in this body. i have worth. and now i know it.

Kirsty Lack

TOTTIE MAY DO YOU STILL FANCY ME?

LAURA SAWYER

HE, SHE, THEY

The project ‘He, She, They’ aims to utilise lens based media to challenge and put into question conventional perceptions of Gender and in essence scoff at ideologies such as 'Anatomy-is-destiny' by Sigmund Freud. The series these portraits are a part of aim to investigate whether it is possible to tackle and alter the viewer’s thought process on gender through conscious constructing of the image. The work was produced to celebrate and bring awareness to alternative gender identities which are emerging more within society today.

With the introduction of 70+ gender identities available on Facebook profiles and Tinder allowing identities other than the binary, there is becoming an increasing blur of gender roles and expectations within society, putting into question what it means to be a man or a woman. Utilising lens based media, the blurring of feminine and masculine is achieved through the stark contrast of the biologically male frame against gender labelled feminine objects.

The work aims to argue and justify the revolt against the binary by communicating the views of theorists such as Judith Butler and Simone de Beauvoir, who reject gender as a fixed construct and rather believe that gender is a conscious doing and performance which we as individuals partake in and choose for ourselves. The individual within these portraits applies and performs his gender through the application of makeup and clothing. The essence of performance is also connoted through continuous lighting and colour coding within the frame. "

ANNE

B.

You are filled of rose and gold. Be kind to yourself. You ARE worthy, and beautiful and magical simply because you are. Any shape, any size; your body is beautiful.

Amanda Headley

Familiarity Manar Khalid There is this sense of familiarity that I long for. I was wandering around in a bookstore one warm morning in June when a book caught my eyes: a graphic novel with Arabic calligraphy on its cover.

I held the book in my hands like a mother holds her newborn — gently yet with the intention of never letting go. I flipped through the pages to find more calligraphy. I felt something in my heart, something I usually feel in my friend’s kitchen where we all sit crammed up even though there’s plenty room outside. I don’t know what that feeling is but I do know that I want to feel it more often. I want to feel it in written word. I want to feel it in a song my mother used to hum as she made chai every morning. I want to feel it in the sound of adhan echoing through the neighborhood at a Ramadan sunset. I want to feel it in a hug — his hug.

His laugh. His warm brown skin against my trembling fingers. I want to feel home.

GRACE DAVIES

SARAH HUSEIN

FLORENCE

In these sets of images I explore my history of femininity and self-­discovery.

The bouquet of baby pink roses signifies virginity, purity, youth. As I stand still with the flowers swaying in a long exposure, I touch on the idea of further exploring my woman-­hood. My hands hold the key to self-­discovery. And finally, two fingers in deep, I figure out my body and what brings me pleasure.

ellen parsons

an interview with

NYOME

By Layla Allen

Hey Nyome, thank you so much for wanting to take part in this magazine article, I have known you from finding you over Instagram, looking for style inspiration , I fell in love with your blog posts and I love how you were modelling too. Your photos are literally to die for, how long have you been blogging and modelling for?

Ah thank you so much for the compliment; it means a lot I have been modelling a lot longer than I have been blogging. I started Modelling two years ago (this coming July) WOW time really flies. I started my blog www.curvynyome.com last October. I wanted to start a platform where I could share my outfit and style picks and be able to document my modelling journey with any one who wished to follow. My blog has slowly changed more into lifestyle blog and really surrounds Body positive posts and how to deal with anxiety and my struggle with it. I want to help as many women as possible, and just empower them to go for their goals regardless of what society or people say!

Do you have any influences online?

I think I do…don’t want to sound to big headed haha, I would say I influence women to be themselves and to take pride in owning their body and who they are, its not an easy thing trying to pursue a career path that is not the easiest to break into; when for example our bodies may not be the right shape for what the industry needs! I am not personally talking about myself, but a few of my friends struggle to find work due to not having the “correct measurements” . I wouldn’t say I am an influencer yet…. I hope to be one day though.

How did you come about modelling?

I began my career after I entered the simply be Catwalk Contender competition. It was a Model search and the chance for four plus girls to go to NYC and film for the Simply Be Christmas advert and basically catapult the lucky ladies modelling career; whilst in NYC the four winners of the initial competition were judged again at the winner was picked from the final four. I got down to the final thirty girls selected for the competition but was not picked for the final.

After the competition, I got the modelling buzz..I LOVED being infront of the camera and being able to strike the most fierce pose possible! I have been pursing this career and my passion ever since (Being a bomb ass model) loool I’m kidding.

We have both spoken before about how the industry still needs a ton of changes, although we are seeing 'plus size ' models, agencies are still quite tricky to get into. What do you think the issue is with agencies and what needs to change? online?

I think the issues with agencies is that every agency is looking for a specific look...and if you do not have the specific look it is not a walk in the park trying to get signed. I don’t think that social media and followers or how many people know your name within the industry should be so much of a large factor in getting signed; as not every woman is tech savvy or feels comfortable exposing herself on social media. There could a number of women with a smaller following who are making an impact daily but who are not as well known. This does not mean that they would not make a wonderful model‌while picking up a following later down the line.

I also feel that if a women is not the right fit for an agency they have applied for, that the agency takes the

time to replay and explains why the fit wouldn’t match and give feedback on what was wrong with the application made; so the next time she applies she has a guide of how to go about applying the right way! The not knowing WHY the answer was no to being signed is the killer with agencies.

love the fact that you are so beautifully honest and upfront with your captions on your modelling, has that made you more confident the way you can be online?

It definitely has, 2 years ago I would never have dreamed of being able to be so open and free with the words I post under my pictures. The fact that I inspire people has brought my confidence on. Me being able to express that I am comfortable in my own skin but also letting my followers know that it is ok sometimes to not be comfortable all the time and to let them know that I have days when I struggle to be confident and really find it hard to be sexy.

What are your dreams for future modelling goals, is modelling the career you want?

My future goal is to keep growing as a person and continue on this path. I will continue to find work by reaching out to like-minded people and brands and network super hard. Even reach out to those brands that are very one-dimensional minded and let them know that I am here; and want to make a change in the Plus Size modelling world. To challenge conventional standards of beauty and the body standard that they’re currently is! To implement a change and to include all body types and shapes. YES modelling is the career I want, whether I get signed to a Plus Agency or not I will never stop as I am doing something positive for others and myself. I will also continue to blog as I really enjoy it. It’s very therapeutic for me.

Do you have any other hobbies aside from fashion?

Yes I love film, I really enjoy the cinema and comic book movie adaptions, (Everything Marvel and nothing DC) lol I have recently started meditating this has become a hobby as I do it every day because it brings peace and I am learning to reach a higher state of conscious awareness.

I love to spend time with my friends and my cousins, as we are really close and to create memories, as that is what life is about! Being very social‌I am good at that.

What do you desire for the future for yourself?

Happiness and Health Always.

Quick fire questions: Favourite lipstick?

I have two Ruby Woo by Mac and Royal Matte also by Mac Favourite hairstyle you have had?

My current, it is short and I am loving it (so easy to manage) Favourite season for outfits?

WINTERRRRRR! There are just so many outfit options in the winter time over the knee boots, uggs, trainers.

Then you have thick scarves, beanie hats and shearling coats drooling everywhere. Seriously I love the winter!!

Krista Mayanja

i want to sit on the roof of my car and write poems; about love that I’ve never felt, and pain I wish I hadn’t. i want the wind and rain to take me in their strong arms, to a place where I feel safe. i want to unwrap the ivy-like expectations that make my chest tight and my breath short, and replace them with daffodils. bright yellow and wild. i want to go home. i just don’t know where that is.

Kirsty Lack

Mad Crawford Not Just Blue, Very Blue!

I let myself be duplicated everyday She has my eyes but better They’re not just blue, but very blue!

No one good ever sees her Except a front-facing camera and a puddle and me I’ve asked where she goes when she leaves the mirror She tells me the same thing every time Vacuum With just lust in a dust bin Your sneezes already sound like god bless you And the last tissue has been plucked.

Something Whothing A bow ribbon and shoe string I found under the bed It’s a blessing It’s a curse Just speed through rehearsed verse beware of thumbtack outlets and certain towels collect sweat

Zesto Meagan Mastriani

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BOTH SIDES NOW From the moment we enter this world, judgment and comparison are instilled within us. Whether that criticism be how we look compared to others or that age old question, “What is she doing right, that I’m doing wrong?” Looking in the mirror from as early as elementary school, poking at parts of our bodies with curiosity, wondering why we aren’t as beautiful as the girls in the magazines and on TV. Along with body image issues, I’ve also struggled with understanding and accepting my sexuality for many years. This May will be exactly one year since I came out to my friends and some family members. It’s crazy to think that for so many years of my life I wasn’t being my true self. I would try to dress sexy for guys that looked in my direction, I had small crushes on anyone that would give me the time of day, and I became the type of person who would let others walk all over them. One day I just looked in the mirror, the same way I did as a child, and judged myself once more. Although, instead of pointing out my physical flaws, I looked inward to see what was missing in my life. In retrospect, I can see clearly that the signs were everywhere that I liked girls, but due to my Christian upbringing it was nearly impossible to spread my wings. As cliché as it sounds, I literally felt like a bird in a cage, now that I’ve come out, I can fly as high and as far as my body can take me.

Coming up on my high school graduation in June, I feel as though I am coming to the final chapter in the book of my adolescence, in the best way possible. While my anxiety and depression have been inflamed recently, I know that in time I will learn better coping mechanisms and hopefully I can have the peaceful, centered, and balanced life I’ve always dreamed of.

Growing up, while entirely frightening, can also be the most liberating experience of your life. Like the song Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell says, I still really don’t know life at all. Every day is a new chance to learn something and grow as a human being. Right now, I want you to think about how far you’ve come as an individual.

From those days of riding your bike on hot summer asphalt to the time you rolled the windows down in your beat up Chevy pickup truck on the way to your high school’s homecoming game,

KAITLYN TIFFANY you have been through so much my darling. Those memories of stealing Mom’s Maybelline and trips to 7-Eleven for midnight Slurpees will be with you always. While the bonds you make in your crazy teenage years may not last forever (oh, how naive the saying “BFF” is), blurry visions of those coffee shop afternoons will stay in your heart forever.

If you are also graduating this year, honey I feel for you.

Stressing about how you didn’t live life like you were in an episode of Freaks and Geeks or a scene from Dazed and Confused is not worth your precious time. Sing your last ballad as if it was your last song and ignore the doubts you may have in your mind. You aren’t doing anything wrong my dear, you are beautiful just like the stars in the sky and the dirt-covered country roads that lead straight to your home. Looking back, I see all the days I wasted wishing I lived a different life and judging every part of my perfectly imperfect body, but I also recognize that every life is exactly how it’s supposed to be. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, even though I can admit that some things I wish didn’t happen to me, as I’m sure you can relate. Instead of wanting things to change, we must change them ourselves. In this wild world, we have to assume that no one will be there to hold our hand across the bridge, but that doesn’t mean that you are left stranded in the desert. As you step into this new universe called “adulthood”, you will meet so many amazing people and the opportunities for growth are endless. You will have your ups and you will have your downs, but life will surely turn things around. Instead of feeling afraid of the uncertainty, be positive and look forward to your totally rad future my friends.

XOXO Kaitlyn

On a lighter note, here are some of my favorite movies and songs that showcase BOTH SIDES of the story.

Movies

1.Now and Then (1995) dir. Lesli Linka Glatter 2.Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001) dir. John Cameron Mitchell 3.Thirteen (2003) dir. Catherine Hardwicke 4.Submarine (2010) dir. Richard Ayoade 5.Palo Alto (2013) dir. Gia Coppola 6.Bare (2015) dir. Natalia Leite 7.Nowhere (1997) dir. Gregg Araki 8.God Help The Girl (2014) dir. Stuart Murdoch 9.Mustang (2015) dir. Deniz Gamze ErgĂźven 10.Smooth Talk (1985) dir. Joyce Chopra

Songs

1.Yes I’m Changing // Tame Impala 2.Some Velvet Morning // Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood 3.Femme Fatale // Velvet Underground and Nico 4.Be Thankful For What You Got // William De Vaughn 5.New Eyes // Nahko and Medicine For The People 6.Days of Candy // Beach House 7.Kids // MGMT 8.Brooklyn Baby // Lana Del Rey 9.Modern Woman // Tennis 10.Landslide // Fleetwood Mac

Watch Su Amor here

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Allison

Tovey

Thank you so much for reading the thirteenth issue of The Candy Zine!!

Follow this issue’s lovely contributors on Instagram Allison Tovey @suzybish0p Bailey Hoover @hoover.dam Tottie May @tottie_maria Laura Sawyer @laura_sawyer Fleur Stiels @daahaaag and @holyglitter Anne Brown @anne.b Amanda Headley @inheryouth_ Manar Khalid @lowkeyexisting Sarah Husein @sarah.a.husein Ellen Parsons @ellenparsnips and @ellengracearts Layla Allen @milkybarlegs Krista Mayania @keppford Mad Crawford @madcrawford Meagan Mastriani @meaganmastriani Kaitlyn Tiffany @sunflower_grrrl