KRISTEN HANEY - Iris Enterprises,Phoenix Wellness Programs

By Kristen Haney Iris Enterprises Phoenix Wellness Programs

My name is Kristen Haney, Founder and CEO of Iris Enterprises. Iris Enterprises is a grassroots effort in overcoming work-family-life stress situations through comprehensive wellness programs and results- driven workshops. I developed a method called the Phoenix Wellness Programs to help people get back on the right path to wellness. Phoenix Wellness Programs is positivity with purpose; teaching people soft skills in learning a new way of relating to each other.

I am sharing my story of why I started Iris Enterprises; having to overcome many obstacles and tragic events throughout my life. Drama that I was able to rise above from, persevere and become successful. I was born and raised in Helena, Montana. My mom suffered from her own childhood traumas that became her maladaptive coping skills, where she needed to get her ego needs of recognition, affection and materialism met through my personal achievements. She lived her identity through me because she didn’t know how to meet her own needs.

When my Dad wasn’t traveling for work, he was home and present, and he provided consistent structure and was involved in my upbringing. I was very loved and cared for by my Dad, which made my mom incredibly jealous. My parents divorced when I was 12 years old. While living with my mom, I was noticed by a modeling agency in the spring of 1989. I was 15 years old and had my first photo shoot that would prepare me for becoming a future model. I had started to value my self-worth, but things were not working in my favor at home to the point that I decided to no longer pursue my modeling career. In the fall of 1989, I was involved in a horrific car accident that took my life. I had made a terrible decision when I chose to take a ride in a truck with two other friends. I sat in the middle of the front seat without wearing

my seatbelt. The driver of the vehicle was drunk and driving at a high rate of speed, putting the truck into a violent spin that ended with the vehicle wrapping around a tree on the driver’s side. I had been thrown from my seat, into the windshield. I had died from the catastrophic injuries that my body sustained. I believe it was a miracle that the Emergency Medical Technicians were finally able to revive me during my ambulance transport to the hospital. I was suffering from severe internal injuries, a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Retrograde Amnesia, and Aphasia by losing implicit language. After I was released from the hospital, I was sadly not the same 15-year-old girl that I was before. I had little memory, I was fearful and trapped in the mind of a 5-year-old, eagerly trying to get out. Unfortunately, my ambition and motivation had been socially conditioned to seek toxic acceptance and affection. I had been rejected and left with feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and depression. Eventually I had lost contact with my family as I became a burden to everyone. I was starting my life all over, alone, at the age of 16. A reality that no child should ever have to go through. I struggled to survive by living on the streets, finding nourishment however I could while seeking shelter often on a couch of a stranger. I was not sure if I desired social contact while craving acceptance from society. I knew I wanted to become brilliant like the people I slowly found myself being surrounded by. I went back to high school, re-learning and trying to make myself whole again. Special Education courses and other therapies gave me some hope that I could eventually live a remarkable life with my high functioning abilities.

My unhealthy self-esteem was driving my unconscious behaviors to seek toxic affection needs throughout my adult relationships, while always seeking and choosing male partners with abusive characteristic traits. In 1992 I was married, pregnant with my first child and finding myself in an unhealthy relationship with my husband. My husband’s abuse caused me to go into early labor while I suffered a stroke causing paralysis to the left side of my face that would slowly improve. During the next few years I had two young boys and I continued to struggle with my speech. My boys both had trouble pronouncing words in school due to learning and listening to my verbal communication at home. I ended up divorcing my husband, only to find myself a few years later in another round of trials and tribulations of an abusive marriage while having another baby and now in the midst of raising three beautiful sons. In 1999, I started my own medical insurance billing business that was in full force for four years before starting a new venture for another company. In December 2005, I suffered a neck injury at work and then a mild stroke in 2006. My right arm was in paralysis and I was prescribed morphine and then pain medication with muscle relaxers. My body would go into shaking convulsions and there were days that I missed taking my medications. My prescribed medication doses were too much for my small frame. I found myself slurring my words and not communicating verbally because I could not find the correct words. I was once again trapped in my body while people thought that I was taking too much medication. I was a danger to myself; my doctor had me diagnosed as a high fall risk and if I were to fall, it would kill me. I continued with my therapy, not really getting better. Only to be filled with more anxiety and depression as I was still suffering from my neck injury, two stress-related strokes, PTSD, TBI, Amnesia and Aphasia. I had to learn how to retrain my self-worth (motivation) so that I could take care of myself with the simple everyday acts of showering, dressing myself, and preparing meals. Showering was very exhausting for me. I would find myself resting before I had enough energy to get dressed afterwards. Slowly I built up my energy so I could do my daily hygiene tasks without having to rest in between. I had to quit accepting help from everyone so that I could learn to do things myself. When the struggle became too much, I would then reach out for assistance. I noticed people were more uncomfortable with how my life was going, more than I was. I had finally become self-sufficient once again and this left me with wanting to anxiously do more. Usually my endorphins would kick in and I would not realize that my body was in pain and needed rest. I found myself trying to learn how to accept the terms of ‘good enough’ and be grateful for how far I had come and that I was gaining personal growth while my body was still in the healing process. September 2007, my brother Larry, passed away from suicide. I never had any memories of Larry meanwhile I made a collage of him for his funeral. I didn’t recognize myself in the pictures. I called my mom to get her help with writing his obituary. This was my first real writing exercise after my strokes. The summer of 2009, the right side of my body became numb again. I stood up to get help and fell. I was stuck in another dark abyss. Spiritually I could sense when my brother, Larry, was around me and I would often see him in my peripheral. That coming winter, I

found myself in the same mental state that my brother was in before he ended his life. I had three sons to live for, I decided to not only live for them, but I was going to live life for my brother who I was fiercely trying to remember. As I continued to visit with my therapist about my emotions, I started working on developing my own therapeutic techniques, still not knowing who I really was but seeing some good changes. I eventually stopped going to therapy all together and developed my own R.A.R.E. method of healing. My husband now felt threatened by my new identity and happiness that was forming. He became more abusive and my boys started staying by my side, never leaving me alone with him. We separated in 2010 and finally divorced in 2012.

In 2011, I reconnected with my Dad who had been living in Butte, Montana. We worked on my memory and our relationship; trying to get back the years that we had lost. I also reconnected with my brother, Bobby, when I recognized his eyes from my childhood. He also helped me with remembering who I was and the role that he had played in my life. A tremendous amount of unconditional love and acceptance, strength, courage, resilience, and bravery is required, in order to overcome the vulnerability of being emotionally connected to others and by letting people know my sense of self and who I am as being my truly authentic self. After an amnesic, like myself, has regained a strong sense of self, their identity becomes extremely protected. The gifts of being an amnesic have outweighed the obstacles that I had to overcome. I started developing healthy relationships with others through my R.A.R.E. Method. I also applied the same process that I used in healing myself and applied it to improving my work ethic, productivity, proficiency and performance, as well as achieving academic success.