I Forgive You
Raul Duarte
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Raul Duarte I Forgive You
OutofallthepeoplearoundmeIneverthoughtitwouldhave beenyoutoswitchuponme.IknowIdidyoubogusinthepast butyoudidmeworsewhenyouputthatknifeinmyback.
I was in denial when I first found out, all the love you said you had for me had to have been lies, like when I asked you about it and you said it wasn't true.
Youarenotsupposedtodowhatyoudidtothepersonyoulove.Iwouldn’twishthehurt youcausedmetomyworstenemy.
That shit real life fucked my head up, you put me in a darker place than I already was in. You were my everything, why the sudden change?
Hadmegoingcrazyinhere
,Ialmosttoldthedoctortoputmeonmeds .
Hadmefeelinglikejuiceandherbtalkingabouthavingawarzoneintheirheads .
I've had a lot of time to think about my life, on the decisions I made and the decisions I need to take.
The only things I need to focus on when I'm out are my family, financial stability, and success. No more living day by day I need to plan my future.
I reconnected with someone who really understands me, the biggest mistake was letting her go. Nw that I got her back in my life ain't no way I'm going to let her slip through my fingers again.
I hope one day I can help her see how beautiful she is inside and out, one of a kind.
We both got an understanding of how to go about it.
My trust fucked up, my heart gone now, my mind ain't there, you left me too much pain to bear. No point in telling you now, I'm already knowing you ain't ever cared.
Ican'tputalltheblameonyoucuzit'sonmetoo,itwouldn'tbefair. Iletyouinandignoredalltheredflags.
You said you didn't want this to happen to me, what did you expect would happen?
I thought they took me away from you, but you were the one who threw me away.
Don't get it twisted I love you but I can't see you how I used to. Maybe this is what you wanted, was there always someone else, or were you just tired of me?
Things happen for a reason, I needed this time to myself, away from everybody, away from you. We're not right for each other, it was hard to leave you alone in the world because it was easy to get to you and that love had Us blind and crazy.
I got my values and responsibilities in check now. Once I touch down at the crib
I’m going to make sure me and mines don’t go to sleep hungry.
We had a lot of good memories, from the first day we met up to the last day we saw each other. We could have made it work, well at least that's what I wanted before I found out you weren't solid.
I've known I was just lying to myself cuz I really do love you I just can't trust you.
We can be friends if it comes down to it but anything more is just a no-go for me. What we had was too toxic, too mentally exhausting.
I hope you can understand I want to see you happy. It just ain't with me.
The only thing on my mind is getting back to my family and helping them out. Living my life to the fullest potential, striving to be a better me. This ain't your fault, this is what's best for the both of us. I hope you don't hate yourself or me for going this route. Trust me this was a difficult decision, if not the most difficult one.
I've been talking to the person I reconnected with about everything, past, present, and the future. I can't wait to be out, there's too much waiting for me out there.
This got to be fate cuz ain't no other explanation. I'm not telling you all this to hurt you or anything like that, this is me expressing my emotions.
Seven years apart from her, so much to catch up on even if it feels like we haven't been away from each other at all. I won’t forget how nervous I was when she picked up my phone call.
Memories clear as day, emotions that never go away, I know she ain't gone throw me away she's here to stay.
I forgive you, and I truly hope you can forgive me too.
I Am From
Raul Duarte
I am from San Juan Capristrano the big 949
I am from California
From a garage punching bag and playing marbles
I am from my Auntie's crib, where 11 people lived in one household
Where I witnessed my OG get the worst and most beatings from my father
I am from the Safari
Where only the strong eat and the weak starve
I am from Juana and Angeles
From survival and love
And from big hearts and strength
I'm from “if a mfk disrespect you, you push his shit back!”
And from if you from this side, fuck the other side
I'm from Jesus Christ
I'm from Mexico, a small town called San Luis Potosi
From carne asada, tacos, rice, beans, agua de horchata and block parties
From my OG and future wife and mother of my kids
I'm from strong, proud, and humble.
I'm from maturing through pain not age,
Growing up too fast, wanting to forget my past
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
