Becoming A Father
By Rico Jackson Sr.
“Until the lion writes his own story, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.” The Soy Autor writing process was developed in collaboration with young affected by violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated.Through the process of drafting, revising, illustrating and publishing memoirs, the Authors’ Circle participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, and positive self-projection to create new life narratives.
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Becoming A Father Rico Jackson
Back in 1996, July 12th when my father passed away I think my life changed. I was only three. I really don’t remember too much when he lee my Mom with three kids, Kiera my older sister and my big brother Erick and me, Rico.
One thing I do remember is when we lived with my father’s side of the family on 48th and Shields. We used to run all around the house and played in the backyard next to the train tracks. There was a gate so we could not go on to the tracks. When the train would come it would be so loud that I would cover my ears. When the ďŹ rst car would pass we would throw rocks and run.
When he passed we had to go move with my grandmother. My mom didn’t really have help with taking care of us, but as we got older and my mom had a beeer job, she got her own apartment. She was like a father and a mom at the same me. Teaching me dierent things like how to clean, how to ride a bike, e my shoes, mostly everything that I know today.
I always told myself that when I got older I am going to take care of my kids like my mom did her kids. Even though my father did a lot for us, I can only say I learned from my mom. She would always tell us stories about how he loved us and what he did for his kids.
Now that I have kids of my own, I try my best to give them the fatherly things that I did not have. Like teaching them how to get along with each other, how to use the washroom, how to talk and not to talk back and listen and learn. They learn everyday, growing up so fast. While teaching them I learn as well, like knowing what they like to eat, knowing what toys they like, what TV shows they watch, hearing them get beeer and beeer on their words of choice.
I love that they know they are growing up. From wearing diapers to underwear, from them wannng to learn how to read and write.
There are many things I learned too. The first diaper I ever changed was my daughter, Rikeyah’s. I didn’t know I was doing it wrong.
“Rico you are not wiping her the right way,” said my cousin NeNe. “Ok, well show me the right way.”
Another special moment was her first birthday. I hung up pictures of her and a lot of family members came with their kids. When we got done fixing everything up, I was looking for her and she was asleep for almost 2 hours.
I woke her up when it was me to sing Happy Birthday her face showed happiness, with wrinkles and tears. When we were done singing, her
mother put cake on her face and she was trying to lick it off. She messed up all her new clothes, but it was one of the best moments of my life.
When Rikeyah was first born I was ssll sleeping in my apartment in East Chicago, Indiana. The reason why is because that week before she was born we would go to the hospital two mes a day because Chrissne, her mother, was having contraccons but was not ready.
So one morning on September 18, 2012 at 4 a.m. as she recalls, she tried to wake me up to go to the hospital with her. When I didn’t wake up, she called 911 and the ambulance came to get her. So at around 5 or 5:30 a.m., I woke up to a loud vibraaon coming from my night stand. When I rolled over to pick up my phone, my first thought was where is Chrissne?
When I answered, I heard an unfamiliar voice on the other side of the line. A white woman saying “Can I speak to Rico Jackson?” For a second I did not say anything so she told me she was a nurse from St. Mary Hospital and “Chrissne Ephraim just had a baby.” So I jumped up, put my clothes on and that moment I was so happy.
When I first saw her she was in a liile clear box. They were tessng on her so I could not hold her. The only thing I was thinking was “What is Chrissne going to say about me missing out on our baby being born?” But she was not mad at all. She was just happy to see me by her side.
So by the me I had my second child, I knew a lot about how to take care of a kid. Her name is Chloe and she really don’t need a lot of things because we ssll had new clothes from my first child. One thing we did not do was have a baby shower like we had for Rikeyah and I really felt bad. I always asked her Mom when would she like to have one, but she would always say, “Just wait, it’s too early.”
Then the next thing you know she was born early on January 28, 2014 at University of Illinois - Chicago Hospital. I had to do a lot of running around geeng things from Walmart. When she first got home all I could think about is “What would Rikeyah do when she see us holding our new baby?”
When we got home, I saw in Rikeyah’s eyes that she did not know what was going on. When her Mom had Chloe in her lap, rocking her back and forth to put her back to sleep, Rikeyah got on the couch and just could not take her eyes off the baby. I remember asking her, “Do you see the baby?” All she would do is point at the newborn. AAer a few weeks she kind of knew what was going on, but she was only 15 months old.
From me to me she would cry for her Mom to pick her up, and for me. I knew I had to step up and make her feel that she was ssll the only one. Just having a second child made me more responsible because we needed more money.
At the me I really didn’t want my kids’ mother to get a job, because I don’t like daycare. My kids were too young and anything could happen. So I chose to try my best to take care of everything unnl they were old enough to talk. As Chloe got older, she became my shy child.
Chloe really didn’t want to talk to people, but she loved her Dad so much. She would cry when I lee the house. She loved candy. Well, all kids love candy, but not like Chloe. That was the first thing she wanted when she would wake up. She would cry about anything, like if the Ipod was not charged. She would cry unnl we put it on the charger and make it come on. But she would always smile for her Dad.
On her first birthday we went to see Disney on Ice, “Frozen” and my kid knew all the words. When we was there I bought lightning sscks, teddy bears and crowns to put on their heads.
She was so happy swinging her sword back and forth, hiing me in the head. All I could think about was I am a Dad--not to one child, but to two kids. I’m doing what a father should be doing with his kids.
I remember when I ďŹ rst saw my third child, Ariyana. She was born on June 27, 2015, at St. Bernard Hospital seven days aaer my birthday. Before I even knew Jessica was about to have Ari, I got a call from Mary, Jessica’s Mom. She told me I needed to hurry up and get to the hospital, because she was in the delivery room.
So, I jumped up, ran outside and got in my car and got to the hospital as fast as I can. But, I did not make it on me, which made the third me I did not make it on me. This was the third me in my life that I did not get to see one of my kids born, which made me feel less than a father because all fathers should be with there to see their children born.
Everything changed when I walked in the room and saw Ariyana wrapped in the blue and white blanket that the hospital provided. The ďŹ rst thing I nooced was a circular birthmark on the right side of her forehead, which is so beauuful and unique. The ďŹ rst thing I did was kiss her birthmark and held her ght in my arms.
As she got older, like six to eight months, she started not to like me, because when I would come over to Jessica’s house to visit, I would always sneak up on her and scare her. It was funny at ďŹ rst unnl I saw her eyes tear up.
When I would try to pick her up, she would not come to me. However when she saw me with my other two kids, she would always want to come to me, which made her love me more. She always would want me to pick her up when her Mom was not around.
When she would be at my family member’s house, she would see me and would want me to hold her all day. I am a very playful person so I like to laugh and do lots of joking with my kids. I love all of my kids the same. When I talk to her on the phone all she says is “I am coming to see you
DaDa or yell in the phone when I am talking to her mom saying, “Dada I miss you.”
My son, my only boy, I wasn’t there when you were born. I was locked up, fighhng for my life. I was hurt, crying just thinking about the things I would like to do with you because every man wants a son. Just seeing you behind that glass makes me wanna break through it and hug you.
I enjoy every moment when I hear you to say “da da”. I know my dad is looking down on us to see how happy we be when we see each other, even though we never met face to face. You know who I am, I have to get to you as soon as I can to make up for the lost me.
Losing my dad at the age of three gave me the mind set that I need to be around you every day for the rest of my life. I want to make you into the man I am today and I want to teach you how to play all kinds of sports, basketball, baseball and football.
I want to take you camping, just doing boy things that I couldn’t do with my liile girls because even though my dad was gone, I had a stepfather who was there for us like we were his kids. His name is Sam, but we called him Red. My mother and Red would take us to Wisconsin Dells.
We had a rim in the backyard where he would teach us basketball, which I was not good at, but my big brother was good. Just having a father ďŹ gure in my life showed me that I need to be there for you, my son, no maaer what. I love my kids, but regreeed not being there when they were born. It actually made me wanna leave the streets alone. Oering my kids the oppon of having me dead or in jail is not something I want for them. It is important I am alive. It is even more important that I am present in their re mo lives with my freedom. t n wa w. I o n est k eb h ay I t w ng est bei t eb s h u t .J in him em h d t e nt of are I wa c s e a tak ch mu t to s r a o te. ple this y e r t m e n a co ev life r. I w ake y e h m Im fat kes my ma n e a th nb I ca r e fath
I am from out South From Moetown and Laflin 51st to 57th Back of the Yards, where it’s not safe Riding Vellanos - getting money I am from Roses are Red, Violets are Blue Beautiful and colorful I am from Thanksgiving family reunion From my Mom Delise and Dad Erick I’m from the outta town trips and hardworking From you can be anything if you can put your mind to it You look just like your father I’m from a Baptist church as a kid but luck as I got older I’m from Chicago, IL Grandfather Arkansas Grandmother Chicago Mac and cheese, greens, candy yams, fried or baked chicken and KoolAid From my mom telling me you take after your dad Always wanting nice things, new cars, new shoes And love taking care of his kids.