My Father is My Higher Power by Cartez McGary Sr.

My Father is My Higher Power

Cartez McGary Sr.

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

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"My Father is My Higher Power" Cartez McGary, Sr..

as always w e h e s u a ” bec tever er Power h g i ugh wha H o r y h t M t s e I g Father e reason day to h o y t t s M e ’ “ v e a s H i h . h I t ing hat er; I named the morn trength t s n i e p m d be bett u n e t a e v a g r e g I t t e n e o H ob reas there. d me to d e He’s the h . s y u a p w e y u!! do. H comes m d miss yo rything I n e a v e e v h t o i l w yI I go hard od. Dadd G y m s i if he I feel as

m… ho I a w m yIa ed wh k n way s i a a t r u e o ac d ce y ngs in sn’t aroun y, sin i d h t o b e l wa Any and t to h d Dad h n g a u a om as t my M up eIw s p m u u a g c n ed Be y Mo wi k o c m r o d l g as stan use Beca Dad w n’t under y m d di use th ” Beca judge his pa t e h d t yours e e v s s i a u p s a i Bec Dad “Th e my d me l s o u t a c d Be Da e my s f u ining a c us of Be ve sh w o l o I h ver ay s use m sol he right w ed to e l v Beca b o l o r e ap ne t use h re do being a e Beca s k g i n l thi use I when e Beca k i l use I Beca

2017 was bad but 2018 it got worse. I lost a great part of me . Once I got the news it broke my heart .

Knowing how big and hardbod y my father was, I knew he wa s still fighting to stay alive but not kn owing he was already gone.

My mother was the first to receive the news. Even though he wasn’t by himself, she was the first on the scene. She never told us that she knew he was dead just because an ambulance rode away with its lights on and horns off. She then made the calls to all of their kids to get to the hospital soons as possible.

All of this happened so quickly, I was just with my Daddy. He always asked me to go outside with him; he didn't ask me that day. So I asked him if he would drop me off at my lady's crib and he did. Not knowing he was going to die, I told him “I Love You'' before I got out of the car, which he told us to always do because anything can happen at any moment.

So I went to the movies with my lady -my treat- and we made it back to her house after the movie at about 2:00-2:30am. She starts to argue with me over some petty stuff that happened months ago.

So in the heat of the moment my O.G. called and delivered the horrific news of my Daddy being shot. I was in such a rage I almost whooped her whole house. But I composed myself and made my way to the hospital he was suppo sed to be getting treated at. Once I made it there, there were a lot of friends and family members waiting.

It was all smiles and hugs because we all knew he was too hardb ody for a slug to take his life. But it all came to an end when a detective arrived. The detective stated, “Is this the family of Carlos McGary Sr?” We all stated, “Yes” in unison . The detective then stated, “can I have his wife and kids in a separate room?”

o, we ws. My mama stated, “N ne d ba e m so be to t ou We all knew it was ab ctive then stated, “I’m te de e Th .” re he ht rig tell us ted to are family and you can distraught that she wan so as w om m y M ” it. e sorry but he didn't mak we saw his e all in disbelief. Once er w e w e us ca be d, di l see him, we al roken. e fell out crying, heartb w b sla ld co a on dy bo lifeless

The heartbreak was great, we all didn’t know how life was going to be without this great man. A week after his passing we held the funeral at Gatlings on 101st and Halsted. Damn near the whole city was in attendance.

People from low and high, all walks of life. Wealthy to rich and from rich to poor. We rented the biggest room in the funeral home but it still wasn’t large enough for the guests. In total there were 500 people at my Daddy’s homegoing.

My mom, my siblings and I all wore black and white as did my father. There were uninvited guests there also. It was the feds. They locked up 15 people that are still probably locked up to this day.

My Daddy was a well respected man but was also feared too. After we left the funeral home we went to his burial site. There was a sheriff escort on every corner 101st and Halsted to 115th and Pulaski. There was even a helicopter following the procession.

t. epas r e th end t t d a k an uld n o a c r e d so w he shit, s r a t rc cked thei i e k o t , ng y th t in u b o h g d e y . h d dy ho eral ybo tretc ppas w rybo n r s e u e f v g v E e e o in gett he b erra then r party. ion of th s T y . m i u d eg ize afte ens d Ci words. ed h e t h i n t n s r e a a f t u i h o z e t b one felt like o Carte d those We is lik osening t w s a a g s p o re tI ing hear e s h e h t a A re d, just l t h y p “ s r e , ke the r past eve ated ss once t o s t smo d an hitle ode g up e r s n i m I l d l e u ce ith scar as p . On eyes w s ) w a e I w c i r As (pol cked y siste s o l a p e M bop y homi re!” e h t m had ry right a McG

I told her or did something wrong, so re we we e lik g kin nic pa s She was in the car shit but attend our Daddy’ do ’t ain e W m. the ck Fu car while “calm yo scary ass down. e damn near hopped out the Sh it. sh ar he na try ’t sn wa home going!” She e to attend the repast. Next nu ve the to nt we I ed rk pa it was still rolling. Once I behind us. officers come walking in me sa the ow kn u yo ng thi

le op e p se car e h e t ke ive th i l s n’t n dr o pa ed a d p c bo und . I he e e s o om a if , th surr h d g te m ec they oin rand p g x e we y g lice. e I e Onc , s m thi ked e po st lik ated. . k h r s u fuc t I a ith t g, j as he e ca “ f h e in w lik we le ble leav ma w out t e u t h e d . S fore y tro s w ran o ge d g st A se Be an pis s.” t be hu.” n my ng u OG y kid on’ gotc , eve telli y m h m re w aa I ted ers w a t d o n g wi o the “ye s he e or o e s a k S kin in lik I w ma fuc t I'm dma car. d to n e tha gra my art y und y st M ro the r , u r s ca the

My grandma asked them why and they said because it's a known fact that there's a gun in the car because of snapchat. I told my grandma “first of all I don't even have snapchat and secondly why would I have a gun knowing the risks with the police being in heavy attendance?”

So we both started to be stubborn, telling the boppas that we ain’t stepping out the car.

There was white shirt out there abusing power, talking ‘bout we better step out or he gone get a warrant to make us get out. He said it would only take 9 hrs to get one. Me and my grandma like hell naw we ain't got all day, lets just step out and let them do their jobs. I didn’t have anything to hide anyway. I just didn't like how they were coming for me for no reason at all. They went on to finish their job and we were sent on our way. That day was one of the longest I experienced.

2019 hit and I was presented with a life changing opportunity. I was taught a trad e and learned a skill for life. I'm a certified elec trician and I love what I did.

I woke up every morning excited just to learn new tricks of the trade. All thanks to my brother. He presented the opportunity to me, and I took it and ran with it.

During the time between losing my father and the opportunity, what was going on in my head was like I gotta do something to avenge my Daddy's death. I was thinking how imma get away with it or even if it would come my way. Once I learned that trade though I knew that was the best way to avenge his death and make him proud at the same time. At the time I also took up a trade in welding and became certified in that. It took 2 years to get the certifications. It's been a long time but I'm happy for the experience and that I was able to learn the skills.

All the time I wish my father was here. Years and years passed and now in 2021 I am fighting for my life, missing my first born growing up. If someone would’ve told me I’d be locked up fighting murder I would’ve probably laughed my head off.

I was doing so much and making good money. I pr ovided and divided for my family. I made sure m y mama ain’t want for no thing, just like how my Dad did. I’m so messed up about not being there for her.

I got 4 brothers and 2 sis ters, but I just feel like I’m the only one. Because I was pop’s right hand and he taught me how to take care of her.

Not just her, but any woman period. I was taught to be a man and stand on my own two feet. Also to take all my losses like a man. When I was doing what I was doing to keep things together, I was feeling just like my dad and I was also making my mother proud. Everytime she would hear my name she would smile because she knew what I was doing and making sure the fam was straight.

My siblings were also proud of me because they knew how me and my Daddy were and they just knew how I was going to react, but I acted a different way and went right to work to keep my focus on a bigger picture.

I'm just glad he was the father he was and he taught me what was necessary. Every day I sit in the cell and wonder how life would be if my Dad was still here.

people l. I was taught God only puts jai in be n’t uld wo I e, sur for I know one thing it like God put me here to see at k loo I d an le nd ha can ly on through things that they ll be home ve to be here but I am and I wi ser de n’t do I ow kn I e. tak how much I can sure he doesn't take the path I ke ma d an d see ly on my of e soon enough to take car took.

Just like any other parent I want my child to be 100% better than me and to take care of his people the way I did when my pops had taken his last breath. I just wish this was all over and I could go home and live out my days happy with the people I love and the people that love me.

…

I am o h w I am y h w sked a u yo nce i s , body Any

t ugh a t s I wa e s u a Bec

in ings h t le and h o t

way n i a rt a ce

Dad d n a om M y pm u ing row g e aus ound c e r B ’t a n s wa

Bec aus em yD ad w as l ock ed u p

Beca use t he ju my M dge d om idn’t unde rstan d

Because I love shining Because he loved to show us off

Because my Dad paved this path Because my Dad told me “This is yours”

Because I like being a problem solver Because I like when things are done the right way

Cartez McGary, Sr. I Am From I am from Roseland.

From drugs and street culture.

I am from green and brown grass And chain linked fences.

I am from blotchy trees, and trashy streets.

I’m from Carlos McGary and Sherika Garett.

From playing basketball, And from talking about people just for fun.

I’m from you will be something, And from “school is a must.”

I’m from Chicago.

From baked macaroni and greens.

From E-Thang.

I am from strength.

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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