Robbie Barnes
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Robbie Barnes Elnora Barnes Story
An, an, an, an, an, an, an goes my alarm clock, and just before I can hit the snooze button, mom says, “ come on baby, get up and get ready for school.” And jokingly she goes, “ or you can sleep in and be the one laughed at when you gotta go to summer school and all of your friends will be having all the fun outside, while you ' re doing homework inside.” Pyuuuun as I took off to the bathroom to get ready for school.
This morning was kinda strange because mom wasn't all professionally dressed for work and even stranger she didn't set my clothes up to wear. She would usually have had the preppy boy look Carlton Banks threads ready, penny loafer shoes, corduroy pants or slacks, with the Izod sweater and/or shirt to match.
But on this day she let me pick what to wear and being that this is the last day of school, I’m choosing my Cortez Nikes, Levis jeans, and Nike shirt and she didn't pick and fluff the fro, she put it in a long ponytail braid. I actually felt like a 7 year old kid opposed to a mini size teacher. But anyhoo, the surprises kept on coming. Next she was taking me to school herself, as opposed to the usual, me walking with my friends. She said that she had something to talk to me about one on one. Moms always been a businesswoman so I knew this was going to be interesting and indeed it was that.
She decided that I was responsible enough for my first set of house keys and the rules were easy. No company, don't open the door for strangers etc. That was all good because mom kept the crib sharp and on point. She made it clear to come straight home when I got out of school that day. It was a half day and I was too excited and had to make my favorite girl proud of her son, and I did. Now little did I know that she was setting up the best surprise for later that day.
I remember when she came home, usually I could spot her from the kitchen window getting off the 91 Austin Bus. But nope, she switched it up. She came into the house quickly, smiling beautifully as always, (let me not forget to mention she won beauty pageants). A very smart woman, that's my mom.
So yeah, she had all these bags and stuff and then there was a knock at the door! I said “Mom someone ’ s at the door!” She responded go ahead and answer it, baby. Which was strange, she never told me to answer the door. So when I did, man I swear to my blissful surprise, there stood my so precious, precious, sweet, loving grandmother. I began to stomp, scream, cry. I could hear the neighbors in the building opening their doors to see what the tumult was all about. I guess I sounded like the kids when they are surprised by their favorite music artist, actor, actress, and the kid is so happy. But this moment was better than a surprise, from an artist, actor. This was grandma! I just wrapped my arms around her crying of so much joy. Momma had to help pry me off of her, I was holding her so tight. Momma got me good with this one. Usually I would go down south to see grandma every summer.
This time her and my mom switched it up and granny came to our house, and what a great time it was gonna be. Don't get me wrong, moms can cook. Heyyy she learned from the best (my granny), but now the best is in the house. So later that night I got the reason why granny was in town. It was that moms had a big time interview with the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago and grandma could watch me and visit at the same time. But at that age no job could be better than the job she had already, which was a phone operator for Brachs Candy Factory on the West side.
She would bring home all types of chocolate candy. I didn't want her to leave that job but little did I know that the job from the bank was about to pay her enough money where she could buy her own candy store. But yeah she was successful and got the job as a bank teller. She was so happy and I was too, because now that meant more spending money, toy money, out of town money and that it was.
Things were going really well and a year later she told me she was pregnant. I was happy and hoping that it was going to be a boy. So indeed another pleasant visit from granny but this time it was expected. Mom was having labor pain and granny was right there, and then it was time for mom to drop that load. It was in the middle of the blizzard of 1979. I’ll never forget grandma had to calm me down because I was so worried. My mom was crying from the labor pains.
I was wondering, why not call an ambulance? But as bad as the weather was, that would have been a bad idea to call for the ambulance, because we literally lived right across the street from West Suburban Hospital. So mom and grandma footed it in that knee high deep freezin’ cold snow. I watched them walk over to the hospital. I stayed in that window all night, even after granny called the house to check on me.
The next morning granny came home and woke me up to tell me that I am a big brother to a pretty little baby girl named Akesha. She laughed when I said, a girl? I thought mama was having a boy! She said nope, it’s a girl. With no choice in the matter I said “Ok, I guess. ” She kissed me on the cheek and then made her and I breakfast. I said "Why didn’t mom come home with you?” She said “She’ll be home tomorrow.” I said “Ok, just as long as she was ok, because I saw the pain she was in.”
But to step on the gas now, mom ended up moving to a big apartment on Central and Race. Lil sis like 3 years old, my lil buddy she was, and was tough. Very beautiful, but tough! I was over protective of her. Our school was literally across the street from our apartment, so I would do the honors of dropping and picking lil sis up from school and I’m across the street at Frederick Douglas.
I remember one day I will never forget, I went to pick up my sis from school and she wasn’t at the meeting spot. I go crazy because moms ain’t never gonna believe this mess and gonna whoop my ass, I done lost her baby! As a shorty this what I’m thinking! But then I saw some of the kids from sis class and asked them had they seen my lil sis, praying they say her mama came and got her! But nope, instead they look at this trio of boys first and look back at me nervously and say she in the school crying! I go in and find her blasting with tears. Teachers trying to calm her down.
I bogart my way through, moving them and ask, “what’s wrong?” She tearfully say those boys was messing with me and made me fall. Well that’s all I had to hear. Now pause for a second, my mom also attended law school at night and bank teller by day, but she would show my sis and I these smooth self-defense moves. But on this day! I’m about to whoop ass West Side hood style! So I take her hand and told her to point out who did it, and she did. It was on from there.
I was super mad because the boys were my size, big boys compared to my lil sis, and if them boys never had a “TREAL” ass whoopin, they absolutely got one that day. One thing you never do is mess with them Barnes women. When I was done I grabbed sis hand and walked towards home. When I get there momma was mad and snappin, especially when she saw my sis crying. She automatically blamed me. I stayed calm and told her what happened.
She then had this look and demeanor like “oh” and apologized for the couple of sticks she gave me which I didn’t accept because I started to see the change in my mom ever since my sis came in the play. I remember one time I ran away, so she called it in and gave the cops my picture.
The cops spotted me and held up my picture to me and sarcastically asked if I seen this kid around? He knowing it’s me and I replied, nope never seen him before officer. He laughed and said getcha ass in this car boy. Your momma at home crying and worried sick about you! I said to myself, she probably crying because she didn’t finish whooping my ass. But yeah, I was fed up with a lot of stuff at home.
I started banging with real gangbangers, Vice Lords and 4’s. Even called myself smoking squares and turned into a menace. Told moms one day when she was about to you know (whoop that ass) I told her I was sick of this shit and she started laughing because obviously I never ever used profanity in front of her. So she said, say it again! And I did. “I said I’m sick of this shit” and it felt like a short flight from Chi to Texas when she hit me and I flew across that living room.
The next day, I packed it up and left. The hell with school and everything else. I ended up moving with fam/friends in the burbs and before I knew it I was getting into more trouble but that was after I got a good job. I was 17 making $600 a week and working for the company named Grace. We shipped all the merchandise for Montgomery Wards, Woolworth, J.C. Penny and other well known department stores. One night on payday I decided to splurge a little.
Me and my partner in crime Malcolm went to his big sis house. She bought beer, gin and weed for us and we partied and later that night we went back out to the burbs and ended up in a “real life stand off” when the police surrounded the house. “Come out with your hands up!” the police demanded. We had hostages and everything. We ended up surrendering and being taken into custody. We were given a bail after explaining we were underage teens under the influence of liquor and drugs (weed).
I had my closest friend Jesse to go to my house and in my stash where I had already saved up $3,000 and for him to take out a G for my bail and bail me out. I guess it was so bad, especially since it made the paper. Now in the beginning, how I cherished and love my granny, she passed right before I graduated. That killed me inside so bad. My moms broke the news to me and nothing could stop me. I know like I needed my moms and my mom needed me we just locked crying. We both descended to the floor, hurting over our loss.
I dedicated my graduation day and diploma to granny. Her funeral was big, real big. Family and friends of hers. Her church family alone was immense and right now to this day she is greatly missed. The one thing that I really wish was that my children had a chance to meet her and then they’ll know where I got my kind heartedness from. But what I did do was take two of them to the house she lived in, in West Helena, Arkansas.
Somebody else lives there now but I asked if I could show my kids around the yard. The apple tree and the huge pecan tree are still there after all these years. I told my son and daughter that there is so many, many, many memories in this house and yard. How when daddy was little I had all of this yard to play in all to myself. My uncle Tony would faithfully cut the grass every week. Grandma had pretty flowers and every month she would win yard of the month.
The apple tree, man how do I explain it?
When I would visit my granny in the summer, she and I would sit on her porch swing and she would hold me and pat me while she hum or sang to me going back and forth. She would say “ go pick about 6 big apples,” so she could make a homemade apple pie. The house would smell so good while that pie was in the oven, I couldn’t wait for it to get done and cool off so I could get a big ol’ slice. I remember her pretty smile shining as she watched how I scarfed that pie down, she would laugh because I would look so serious eating and then look up and smile with pie all on my face.
It was just so much fun when I went down South to granny ' s house. I remember for the 7th grade I begged my momma to let me go to school down South. I convinced her and won, especially since it was the same school my mom, uncles, aunties went to. So mom sent money so grandma could take me to school shopping for clothes, school supplies and all that good stuff.
The good part about this is there was no Carson Pierrie Scott or Marshall Fields department store in the South, so no preppy clothes, MA! It was Lee’s, Levi’s, Nikes and T-shirts. So it was time. School was about to start. Moms told me “Don’t let her down,” and I promised her I wouldn’t. Now brace yourself. Here I was doing well in school making granny and moms proud. I was in advanced classes.
Moms raised me to be congenial and obedient but this particular teacher had a problem with me. She would say little remarks cause I was from Chicago, and I was passive of what she would say because perhaps she was jealous. This city kid in your country school doing real good. But one day that lady straight took me by full surprise and accused me of stealing her wallet out of her purse, and she paddled me like more than 5 hits. The accusation hurt me more than the paddle because I did NOT TAKE THIS WOMAN'S WALLET! I’m over 50 years old and I don’t have to lie at all to this day. I promise and swear to anyone I didn’t take that woman ’ s wallet.
So they suspended me and my granny had to walk far to this school to come pick me up, and get the bad news. I felt like a failure and I didn’t even do nothing wrong! This woman blamed me. Ok, yeah maybe someone stole her wallet but it wasn’t me! I didn’t have to steal, my moms sent my granny tons of money for spending whatever I wanted. I remember crying to my granny that I didn’t do what they say I did. Then it was time to call momma.
Her and granny talked for a long time, then I talked to my mom and told her I didn’t do it. She was a bit precarious by bringing up how I had stolen money out her purse but the benefit to that was she whooped my butt so good. I said and solemnly swore to never ever go in another woman ’ s purse EVER! Pause for a second. When I say that butt whoopin was so good she put on me. My ex wife thought that it was the funniest shit ever, she heard the butt whoopin story so she asked me to bring her cellphone out of her purse, but instead I brought the whole purse to her and the phone was right there at the top in her purse. She started making fun of it tellin her homegirls watch this!
Hey babe bring my squares out my purse and these women would bust out laughing when I walk in with the whole purse. Back to the story. My mother didn’t have real faith in me, it seemed. So basically she never forgave and obviously never forgot something from the past but you already know who had faith in me, my granny. She argued with my mom and told her I believe him, I don’t think he took it.
My granny stood up to my mother and said if he wants to continue going to the school it’s fine by her, or if I wanted to go back to Chicago the choice was mine. I hated that teacher for this and if I saw her again, ain’t no tellin what I’d say to her for causing all this chaos. But yeah, my granny was my everything, my world. I miss her dearly and so much. I eventually ended up back in the Chi to complete my educational goal. Like I said earlier I did and dedicated it to my granny. As I mentioned in my first book, my granny ’ s passing brought me and moms closer. Now I have children of my own, so moms has the grandma role. So far she aight. Ain’t nothing like that old school grandma love. But I can’t forget to mention her beautiful children that my grandma and grandad raised.
Prior to my memoir being completed and published my big cuzo Tommy Thompson
A.K.A. T.T. passed away so I want to dedicate this memoir to my grandma and cuz.
First my dear mother, the youngest child, then my Aunt Mary, Aunt Rose, Aunt Betty, Uncle Roy, Uncle Tony, Uncle Eligh, and Uncle Joe. The sweetest kindest people you could ever meet in this world and that comes from their mother Mrs. Elnora Barnes. Love you grandma forever in my heart and I miss you so much and never the least. I can never forget the grandchildren, it’s a gang of us and great grandchildren, too many to name all. One more funny part, the pecan tree. My granny would pick all the pecans out the yard, so many that she would ship a big box to the family. I knew what time it was when that box would have to be picked up from the post office downtown. So the tradition kept going after granny passed. My Uncle Tony would pick up the pecans.
So one day as he was picking them up, a man yelled at my Uncle Tony “Aye man, you better get out that yard, that lady gonna come out yelling at you. ” My uncle Tony just laughed him off. Obviously the man didn’t know that one, my granny had passed and second, that Tony was her son.
I Am From
Robbie Barnes
I'm from Granny's house in West Helena, Arkansas
From yellow apple trees and a huge pecan tree in the backyard
I'm from no noise, fresh country air, homemade apple pie in the oven for me
Walking to the store barefooted with my cousins
Riding our bikes to Grandma house and West Helena
And Granddaddy house in Helena
I’m from Curtis aka Sko RIP and Darrell aka Bay RIP
From swimming, shooting ball in the big park
Over the levy in Helena
And from real family love
I’m from yall stay out them people yard you hear me
And from I love you
I'm from God is a truth and real and faith over fear
I'm from that down south real love
Where the whole Family originate from
From real, real soul food
You name it, they’ll cook it
Extra sweet and cold, any kind of Kool Aid
From mom, Grandma and all the Aunties and Uncles
I am from reliable and an abundance of real family, no doubt.
Until
