Dear Momma Daryl E. Williams
“Until the lion writes his own story, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.” -African proverb The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising, illustrating and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, and positive self-projection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff ’s Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these young men, their families and our collective communities. In collaboration with
Dear Momma Daryl E. Williams
Hey Mom, do you remember that year on my birthday when I made 4 years old and we went to Chuck-E-Cheese on 51st and Kedzie?
It was late, they were closing soon but I wanted to go so bad we went anyway. We spent half the time at home waiting for the rest of the kids to get to our house, because that’s where we were leaving from.
We had about an hour left to play. Everyone was enjoying themselves. I was in my own world in the tunnels, when I seen you gathering all the kids, but one was missing. Me!
The tunnels were like a rat maze, I couldn’t find my way out. From the window of the tunnel I watched as you and the family left. My heart dropped to my feet and a lump formed in my throat as I watched y’all one by one disappear out of my view.
Finally I found my way out the tunnel but I was too late. You were already gone. I started crying and that’s when an employee noticed me and asked what was wrong. In a panicked cry I told her that my mom just left. The employee made a call and soon the police were there. By that time our silver station wagon was pulling up. It was a clean station wagon, too.
Excitedly I pointed out to them, “there’s my mom right there.” From the glass windows I could see my sisters mischievous laughter as I started toward the car. “Why you leave me?” I asked. You told me it was unintentional. It was so many kids and you thought you had me. What’s so funny I snapped at my sisters, “y’all made it all the way to Haunted Trails before y’all realized I wasn’t in the car!” The night continued at Haunted Trails. We had so much fun. It’s one of the fondest memories I have of you.
I don’t have a lot of memories with you. You passed away when I was 6 years old, but what I do remember is that you was a beautiful woman. You always wore your real hair which was long, thin and shiny.
I don’t have a lot of memories with you. You passed away when I was 6 years old, but what I do remember is that you was a beautiful woman. You always wore your real hair which was long, thin and shiny.
You loved jewelry. I remember your four ďŹ nger ring that said tiny and your gold Herringbone chain. You kept your black pager on your side. You had a very beautiful and bright smile that would light up a room. You took very good care of me and my sisters and was always doing things for family and anyone else. You were a very loving person.
On November 13, 1995, Friday the 13th to be exact, my life changed forever.
It was a cold November night. My sisters and I were on the way home with Granddad. He was bringing us home from school, we would go to his house and you would pick us up from there.
But this day was different, something was wrong.
We made it home and your door was locked. Why was your room door still locked? We asked Grandma. Your door was never locked when we came home. When we walked in the house you would be sitting on your bed looking at TV or eating something, waiting to help us with our homework.
Grandma didn’t answer. Instead she told us to go to sleep and she would tell us in the morning. The next morning when we woke up your door was still locked and that’s when Grandma told us that you had been shot. I was young but, at that moment, I was so sad it’s like it was a knot in my throat and it was hard to swallow.
My chest turned hot and I looked around to see my sisters’ reactions; the tears and pain in their eyes made me break down even more and I just cried with them. The next few days were a blur.
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I can remember family coming over to the house and reporters interviewing us.
Days went by and we were preparing to lay you to rest. I remember me and Pooh your nephew being dressed alike. We wore white and black with a black vest over our white button up shirts.
At the funeral seeing you lay there as if you were in a peaceful sleep brought me to the shocking realization that I would never see you again. I would never have another Chuck-E-Cheese birthday with you and that hurt me so bad.
The pain was excruciating it felt like getting run over by a dump truck.
It’s like I was all cried out but the pain was still there. It was almost like I was having a tooth ache and not having any pain killers around, it hurts.
That pain me and your beautiful girls still feel today, but can’t show it because we have kids, your grandkids, to be strong for.
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I was furious because she was the one person I felt I could get through this with. Your aunt Annette took us in so we wouldn’t get split up in the system and God knows how much I love her for that.
We are all grown now moving on our own paths. I’ve met the woman of my dreams, her name is Treshell, Shell for short. She reminds me of you in ways, she makes me feel good all the time. She tells me she loves me like you use to and I feel she really means it and I love her with all my heart just how I love you and my sisters, your girls.
Lil Jeanie has two beautiful kids a boy and a girl, so does Lucy. Brittany still doesn’t have any kids, but she’s the aunt all the kids love to be around. Some of our kids even look like her, big foreheads and all.
I have five kids, 4 boys and 1 girl. Damn! I wish you had the chance to meet them. I take them to Chuck-E-Cheese for their birthday sometimes to give them the fun memories I had as a kid, minus getting left behind.
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I’m not saying it as if you abandoned us. You left us to grow older and more responsible at a young age. I’m not mad at you, I just feel like you should be here with us creating more memories with us. For a while I had such hate for my stepdad, blaming him for your early demise. As I grew older I realized he wasn’t the one that pulled the trigger.
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A place that I never thought I’d be. This place isn’t for me but I’ll be home soon back with my kids, back with my old life. I was doing so well raising my kids the way I know you wish you had for us.
Daryl I am from the Back of the Yards From 50th and Carpenter and 51st and May I am from the Town Abandoned apartments, dog fights and Joe’s grill I am from cotton trees That irritates in the summer I’m from Molly Day’s and kids with good hair From Tiny and Diane I’m from a lovely wife and kids I love so much From “you don’t think shit stank” and “I brought you in this world, I’ll take you out.” I’m from Saint Bernard’s Hospital Mac and cheese pot roast and potatoes From the youngest boy loved by three sisters.