Only Knew His Name by ConTextos Chicago

Devonta Ellis

Only Knew His Name

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people who are at risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high-quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these men, their families, and our collective communities. While each memoir's text is solely the work of the Author, the images used to create this book's illustrations have been sourced from various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering, and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into fully illustrated books. In collaboration with

Only Knew His Name Devonta Ellis

a to my momâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house for the weekend to stay On July 15, I left my grandmaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house to go the rday morning, me and my brothers were in couple of nights with my brothers. That Satu front room fighting and having fun.

It’s four of us; we all got different dads. But anyway, the doorbell rings. We all stopped to see who it was. My mom answered the door. It was my ‘lil brother’s father coming to get him for their weekend together. Every time I came to my mom’s house, he was always leaving with his dad.

My brother came back and told us, “I’m gone y’all. I’ll be back.” I said, “I want to go.” My mom said, “no.” I was mad at her. She asked me, “What are you getting mad for?”

I said, “I never go nowhere with my dad. Who is he?” She would sit there with a look on her face, not telling me anything. So I would get real mad like, “I don’t ever go nowhere with my dad.” I just knew his name, Devon Craig. That’s it. That’s all, nothing else.

My brother came back that Sunday with all types of toys, clothes, and he had candy. I was a ‘lil mad. I asked him if I could play with his toys. He told me, “No. I just got it. Can’t nobody play with it.”

Iw to as a ok t so pu he m nc le ad h. g th W off at e be , thr I too ga ew k i n to it a t an fig ga d I ht ins br rig t th ok ht e e h th wa is en ll, to an an ys. d d th th Whe er en n e. W stom I too e we pe k h nt d o is I at n ron it it. H M ha rd e w an t . as oy so , I b m rok ad e th the at he hea th d, re w

My mom came in and asked us what we were fighting for. My brother told her I was mad that my dad didn’t buy me toys. When I got my ass whipped by mom, I was still pointing at my ‘lil bro saying, “That toy was raw. I broke it, you can’t fix it back.”

“That‘s what you get.” After beating my ass, mom told me to pack my stuff. “It’s time to go back to your grandma’s house.” I was so mad. I told her, “I can’t wait to meet my father.” She told me, “I can’t wait either, bastard.”

As life went on, the older I got I became more frustrated about my pops. One day my brother was on his phone on this Facebook app. I asked him, “What’s that?” He told me you can text, call, video call people and look up people you been wanting to find for a long time. So I asked him if he could look up Devon Craig.

A picture popped up with his face on it. I was saying to myself, “I look just like him. This him. Call him bro, please.” So my brother did. He (Devon Craig) answered. I was like, “What’s up. You know who this is?” He was like, “No. Who this?” “Your son.”

He hung up the phone. I was like, “Damn! Did he just hang up the phone? Bro, call him back.” When he answered again, he told me, “My bad, son. I was a ‘lil nervous. I haven’t heard from you in a long time.

This Devonta right?” “Yea, this me.” He asked me where I stayed at. “I want to come see you. Are you in Chicago?” I said, “Yea.” He was like, “I’m gonna come tomorrow to see you.” I said, “Ok, bet.”

When he hung up, I was so happy and nervous at the same time. I was so happy when I got off the phone with him. I was jumping and telling myself, “Yes! I am finally going to meet him.” But I was still nervous because this would be my first time meeting him, and I really didn’t know how I was going to approach him when I saw him. I had to get it together.

When I told my mother about meeting my dad her face was so “blue-up” like she didn’t want me to meet him at all. I mean she was so mad at me that she told me to stop talking to her and don’t call her anymore. I was like, “What? You ain’t happy for me?” She told me, “No. What made you go looking for him? He ain’t shit but a deadbeat father.”

I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t tryna hear that bec ause this was to see him. B the first time ut, anyway, m I was gonna m y OG wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mad at her fo eet him. I was buying what I r a lot of reaso happy w as ns. I told mys problem. elf my little bro trying to say to her. I was so ther get to se e his dad with no

r’s

ll li

sh id D m? l me. e l l rob ’t te p n he id s t till d a s tw ha t she W ? bu ine her, m d ee I s aske t ’ I ldn ? ou mine c y e Wh t hat jus

ti es

y em

he rot

he fat

did

W “W hen wa hy I fo nt my und ed m him oth him to er d and be id go at n’t t to th wa at nt me tim m et e, e to him bu t h mee I cri e w t y ed as ou? ‘ca he ” H use re no e to I wa w ld s an me so d h he cau app s wa e y t s s he o m or co ee ry. ul dn t hi ’t b m. e t I as he ke fat d h he im rs , he

So, I told my grandma what was going on. She was like, “Yea. When he coming?” “Tomorrow, he said.” She was like, “Ok.” She was happy for me. So I was just talking to myself.

“Pop’s coming. Hell yea! I finally get to meet my dad. Hell yea!” So the next day I was keeping a look out her window wondering when he gone pull up. When I went to the window the third time there was a black Charger with blue lights, rims, and sound going crazy.

I was like, “Damn. Who dis’ in this raw ass car?” As he stepped out, I was like, “That’s my pops. I look just like him.” I was happy as fuck to go up to him. He was like “Wassup, son? What’s going on with you?” “Nothing. Chilling. Happy to meet you.”

n my grandma y grandma. Whe m t ee m to in e you. When m as talking about I asked him to co w ” s o. ay to w e al m e , H . ea m “Y He said, ok just like hi of him.” like, “Boy, you lo right here in front u Yo saw him she was . es go it re u, and he he gonna meet yo

That whole day we was just talking about how I was when I was little and why my mother didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want me to know him and how I had to find him on Facebook myself.

The day went past, and we have been around each other ever since that day. I know how my pops was and how we gone be now with each other. Me knowing that I had a father the whole time and my mother kept us away from each other.

Later on in my life, I had kids of my own, and I knew it ain’t about me no more. It’s all about them. I thought before they was born: “What do I need to do for them? How is life gon be with them?”

The reason I’m the person I am today is because of my father and the fact that he wasn’t there for me when I was a kid. I’ve reached a turning point in life, knowing it’s bigger and better things out there. So I be even harder on my kids and love them the way I do now.

Play, teach, and show them the ways my pops ain’t show me at they age. I love my kids and I’ll always be in they life because it took a long time for mines to be in my life, to show me how life is supposed to go: between being a man, how you respect and handle women and more areas. To this day, I’m a strong and independent man to my kids and stay on business with them.

Eventually, my mother finally got past the fact that me and my Dad was close. Ever since that day, we talked it over. She would always ask me, “Did you talk to your dad?” or “How’s it goin with yall?” I finally saw she was happy for me. At the end of the day, I’m glad I got my mom and my dad in my life.

Devonta Ellis I’m from the loud talker and all night family dance party

I am from Rockstar From Robin Jeans and Gucci I am from the big black and green house on the block

From “one fight, all fight” and “never talk back to your elders”

Bad kids, nice yard, crazy Auntie Ayanna

I’m from never miss church, picture of Jesus’ eyes always watching me

I am from a yard with growing greens and dandelions and

I’m from Chi, born and raised, from the West Side

orange, yellow, pink flowers of all colors in a fish pond

Cornbread, greens

We can look but never play in her yard I’m from going to church on Sunday and eating good at Old Country Buffet From grandfather Mitch and cousin Carlial

From when if you make it home first And my uncle knew you was fighting, if you didn’t fight back, he was whipping yo ass I am from a family picture book.