Life Goes On
Eric B.
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people who are at risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high-quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these men, their families, and our collective communities. While each memoir's text is solely the work of the Author, the images used to create this book's illustrations have been sourced from various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering, and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into fully illustrated books. In collaboration with
Life Goes On Eric B.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...� 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I remember when I first met Remi, my son’s mother. One summer day, I was hanging out with one of my guys, and I get a phone call from my cousin. She was like, “Guess who at my house?” I’m like, “Who?” She said, “Aliza and Remi.” They are sisters.
So we pull up at my cousin’s house. They’re sitting at the table. Aliza gave me a hug. I gave Remi a hug, and we were both just smiling at each other. Remi had the most beautiful smile and had a blue-jean overall suit on, just looking sexy. I couldn’t stop smiling.
We hit it off, and she became my lady. That Monday, Remi had to work. She work downtown so I picked her up. When I got off work, I would get there thirty minutes early and wait ’til she get off. Some days she would leave work early, knowing I’m outside. I knew I really like her. We would talk to each other on my break, lunch, and when I got off work. I would send her flowers to her job, and she would cook me dinner. Remi ended up getting pregnant with our son, and she left her apartment and moved in with me.
Some years later, I was driving Remi’s car one morning. I get a phone call from Remi. She tells me, “Bring me my car.” So I asked her what’s wrong. She tells me something going on with her daddy. I remember telling her, “I’m close by there. I will go and see what’s going on.” Remi and her dad were real close with each other.
So I pull up at Remi’s daddy house and I see her daddy’s girlfriend. I asked, “Where is J?” She tells me, “He’s in the house.” So as I was walking in the building, I see his door open. I called his name, but no answer. So I walked in and see him balled up on the floor like his stomach was hurting.
I walked up to him and noticed he had two big knots on his head. When I saw that, my heart dropped. As I was going outside, my phone ring. It was Remi: “What’s going on with my daddy?” I didn’t know what to say. I just told her to drive my truck: “I will be here when you get here.”
Now Remi pulls up, and runs to me and ask me, “Where is my daddy?” I grabbed Remi and hugged her, and whispered in her ear, “It’s not good.” She kept saying, “Let me go. I wanna see my daddy.” But something just told me not to let her go. I just kept holding her, telling her, “Everything gonna be alright. I’m here.” We both crying. Then her sisters pulled up, and I let her go. By that time, the police wasn’t letting anyone in the house.
So a few months after Remi’s daddy got killed by his girlfriend, life was different. I never was with someone who lost a parent, especially from violence. So I didn’t know how to act. I tried my best to be there for Remi, knowing I could never take her daddy’s place. Remi ended up having to take time off work. It was bad, but it was good. She was able to spend time with our son, who was two at the time, and take care of things around the house.
I started working a lot, and getting off work and not wanting to come straight home, because Remi started having attitudes, and we was always arguing about something. I really hate Remi lost her daddy.
All the arguing started to create distance between us, and I started hanging out with another woman, just talking and smoking weed, nothing bad at first. But six months into hanging with her, I slipped up and started having sex with her, even using work as an excuse to get up with her.
One day I got up with the other woman, and she told me she was pregnant. I didn’t believe her because I remember her telling me she was on the shot. So I stopped seeing her.
Four years later, I found out I have a little girl. She was 99.8% mines. I didn’t wanna tell Remi, because she had already told me if I ever have a baby on her while we are together, she is leaving.
Remi found out anyway. She just don’t wan t me to ever bring my daughter to our hous e. After that, things started to get better. We wen t on a family cruise. I didn’t take my new daughter because the trip was already paid for. I wanted to take my mother but she didn ’t like boats.
the ending I really wish my mom would have went with us, because she ended up getting sick at with of that year. I remember my mom came downstairs to my apartment and watched a movie she that me tell to us and spent the night. She never done that before. I think my mom wanted had cancer that day.
I thought my mom was just tired and wanted to get away from all the people she was living with, to get some rest. My mom got sick really quick. She ended up in the hospital for a while. While I was at work, Remi would go up to the hospital and sit with my mom ’til I got off, and then I would go up there.
When my mom got out the hospital she needed to be taken care of. Remi took care of my mom like she was her mother. Remi was there at times when I wasn’t there. My older daughter, she helped out a lot, too.
At one point it seemed like my mom was getting better, but when she started taking radiation, she started doing real bad. My mom couldn’t do nothing by herself. I didn’t know what to do, and I was scared.
I remember how my mother used to always do it big for our block club parties. She would invite the whole family. The day of the block club party, my mom was called home; soon as the block club was over, my mom died. I didn’t want to believe it, but I had to be strong for my kids and family.
talk to me, and see if I was up for I felt lost without my mom. She used to call me every morning and she cooked the night before. I miss my work. She would even make me a plate for lunch from the dinner mom, and Remi know that.
About a month later, now Remi wanna start tripping about my daughter I had. That was almost two years ago when we found out she was mine. I thought we were doing good as a family, especially how she took good care of my mom.
One day I was talking to my son. I was telling him how I love his mother. He was like, “Marry her then!” I was like, “You know what, you right.” So that day, me and my son put something together, and I asked her to marry me. Remi looked at me and told me, “No.” I was heartbroken; I didn’t even question her.
After that me and my son had a talk again. I said, “I don’t know why your mom told me no.” He say, “You had a baby.” I said, “That was seven years ago, plus she wasn’t made out of love. You was, even though I love my daughter just as I love you, and she will always be your little sister no matter how your mother feels.”
Not even a year later, Remi was in love and married another man, my son. I really felt like a fool.
and moved out of town with
Thinking back on five years ago, and all that we had been through together, I realized that sometimes, no matter how much we want them to, things just don’t work out. On Father’s Day, I received a letter from Remi’s husband. To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. He wrote me a letter telling me how well my son was doing and that he was a good kid. He also told me that he was praying for me because he had been in my situation, and if I needed help, he would do what he can. After I got over the initial shock, I wrote him back, thanking him for his encouragement and his role in my son’s life. As I sit and reflect, now I realize God don’t make no mistakes.
Love is patient and kind, and it always protects, hopes, and perseveres. Love never fails.
I would like to thank God for the blessing he has given me, as well as my daughter for sticking with me through my situation and helping me through my time in jail.
I have made some mistakes in my life, and have hurt a lot of people who love and care about me since my mother has passed. I’m working very hard to get past that. Those mistakes have brought me to where I’m at today, and I will not repeat them. These seventeen months have been a difficult time of my life, but I have learned a great deal of the Holy Spirit in myself. I’m coming out with a new attitude toward life. The unexpected jail time came at a pivotal part of my life. I want to continue on a positive track and focus on being a role model to my kids and family, and to the community. I’m looking toward the future, with a newfound respect and appreciation for women, and a strong dedication to God and my kids. With that in mind, I have already been making positive strides toward the future.
Eric B. I am from welfare, From food stamps and government cheese. I am from the slum landlords too, Dirty, filthy, roaches and mice. I am from red roses, Selling them from door to door. I’m from family reunions and partying, From Ruth and Thomas Moore. I’m from drinking liquor and getting high, From “don’t get high on your own supply” and “trouble is easy to get in and hard to get out of.” I’m from going to church once a year on Easter. I’m from Chicago and Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina, Fried chicken, homemade biscuits. From the land my great-aunt lost to the city, The eye my cousin lost from a gunshot. In my old cell phone pictures, family members I lost, Moments of the great times we had together.
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