Ny’Elle
La’Voy Brown
“Until the lion writes his own story, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.” -African proverb The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising, illustrating and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, and positive self-projection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff ’s Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these young men, their families and our collective communities. In collaboration with
Ny’Elle
La’Voy Brown
After a night of partying on December 31st, 2010, I went over to my pregnant girlfriend’s home at about 3am, January 1st.
Who would know that on December 31st that would be the last time I would be at my mother and father’s home. I was only 20 and my daughter wasn’t due for another week.
I had gone over to spend the night just to make sure her and her mother were OK. I stayed all day on the first of the year because this was our anniversary. As I spent the day with her we enjoyed our day together, had dinner, and watched Netflix.
I was in love and was so excited for my first child to be on the way. As we spent more time I thought how I would provide for my child.
Just like my parents had done for me. Good schools she would never have to want for anything. Ask Daddy and it’s hers. I would always be there for her and her mother. Nothing could pull me apart from my girls.
It’s now the morning of the 2nd. We wake up, have breakfast, and after breakfast we enjoyed a movie. The movies was Step Brothers—very funny. As we are watching the movie she has labor pains.
She was on bedrest so I took her to the hospital. This made me very nervous and worried because she wasn’t due for another week, so I didn’t know if this was normal.
Not being able to help my girlfriend and my child made me feel like a little boy in a young man’s body while trying to stay cool on the outside. The doc admitted her to the hospital. Now they’re hooking her up to monitors and running tests.
Yet still my baby wasn’t ready. We had a pretty calm night, but at 6 AM on January 3rd they induced the pregnancy meaning they burst my girlfriend’s water.
Still it took all day. There were nurses running around in and out. I didn’t know what to think.
Because on TV it was nothing like this. The doc came in and asked, “Do I have time to use the restroom?” and disappeared.
I’m very nervous, her head is breeching. I’m like, “where’s the Doctor? My baby’s almost due.”
The doc stepped in after what seemed like forever and finished the birth, but it was too late. The damage had been done.
At this point I’m sitting looking like a dog with a house full of unknown people. There’s nurses rushing in grabbing medical supplies and my baby isn’t crying.
Then they just rush her out of the room and don’t tell us anything. Now I’m in the nursery looking for my little girl and come to find out that she’s not in there. I’m trying to see where she is, none of the babies look like mine.
We asked the nurses but no one gave us an answer. Now my blood is boiling like in the cartoons when they have something hot.
They pretty much blow us off and come to find out my little girl was having seizures, but we didn’t find out until 30 minutes later. They bring her into the room in a little baby bed right before being airlifted to Rush hospital. I’m feeling like a little kid that just got a call home, I don’t know what to expect.
They let my girl out the next day, it was a cold gloomy January day. We rushed home, got clothes and was on our way from Will County to Chicago’s west side where my little girl was in the hospital.
As we rode to the hospital I’m trying to stay positive for her mother and myself. Most of the ride we didn’t talk too much. We listening to the radio as the small red sedan flies down the expressway like a flash of light.
We finally make it to the hospital and I dropped my girlfriend off at the door as I look to park. I’m asking myself will everything be OK because I don’t know what to expect.
Mind racing I find a place to park on a busy street and walk into Rush emergency room not knowing where to go.
I see my girlfriend and we go to a lady at the desk and tell her what happened and she gives us passes to put on and then tells us to go down this long hallway make a right then a left down another long hallway and take the elevator to the 5th floor.
When we get off the elevator on the 5th floor we see another lady and tell her who we’re looking for, she gives us some papers to fill out then gives us wristbands and says that they are for parents and that we will have 24 hour access to the hospital.
She says we will have to wear hospital gowns and scrub our hands with iodine. Now we walk into the NICU. with babies all hooked up to breathing machines, EEG machines. The room sounds like a Star Trek control room. The machines are beeping like a car with the key left in the ignition and sirens sounding off like a fire truck.
We get to my baby. She’s just laying there in a medicated coma with tubes down her throat, heart monitors on her chest, ERG prongs on her head just laying there so helpless. Now she’s in the hospital for a week after her birth.
We have been there every day sleeping in the waiting room because they did not have anywhere for the parents to sleep. Going home only to shower and eat. About a week and a half after my daughter’s birth, the hospital tells us they would like to have a meeting with us.
So we set a day to meet and with family support we all go in to talk about my daughter’s condition. It’s the doctor and nurses and family. They tell us she hasn’t made any progress and it’s not looking too good. That we should think about how she’s suffering and the amount of brain damage will have her like a little baby for the rest of her life.
That we are young and should think about how we’re going to have to wait on her hand and foot.They told us to think about pulling the plug on her. About three weeks after that meeting my little girl started to breathe on her own and the seizure meds was slowing the seizures. About a week after that we were ready to take our child home.
My little girl went through all that because of doctor negligence. If the doc would have given her an emergency C section these turns of unfortunate events would not have happened. She has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair and can’t eat by mouth.
This is why I never went back to my mother and father’s house. I said I would be there every day to wait on her hand and foot. I’ve devoted my life to make her life as good as possible. She didn’t ask to be here nor did she ask to be how she is. I said I would always be there for her.
I did good all the way until she turned seven. Due to some messed up event that caused me to protect myself I’ve been gone from her for the last year.
They say when she hears me on the phone all she do is smile. I’m sorry for breaking my promise to her but I’ll be back and I’m going to make up the birthday and all the days I missed with her.
La’Voy I am from humble beginnings From corner stores and Zebra cakes I am from a two parent home Loving morals, military upbringing, air wick candles I am from the rose bushes, blackberry trees I’m from Sunday dinners and family BBQ’s From Ms Harper, Ms Brown I’m from the hard work and family time From hard dead makes a soft ass and don’t rush to get old I’m from grandfather who was a pastor, family with the fixed up cars I am from Chicago Heights 16th place Pound cake, Gumbo From the grandparents that don’t play The South Suburbs Pics from way back when on granny’s wall to football trophies over the fireplace Where family helps family