CITY OF DREAMS: THROUGH THE BEHOLDERS’ EYES
North Lawndale and Beyond
"Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter."
- African Proverb
In collaboration with:
L I O N S P E A K S
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people experiencing, navigating and surviving complex traumas in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants strengthen self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.
City of Dreams is the culminating work from ConTextos’ 2024 summer internship born out of the One Summer Chicago program. The youth featured in this compilation undertook this journey of self-reflection and subsequent creation through ConTextos’ Authors Circle. All stories matter. And every human being has stories to tell. The pages of this compilation are full of a few of them.
The writing in this compilation reveals the complex truths of powerful and beautiful Chicago youth transcending the narratives assigned to them. The works in this book are raw, real, and revealing. We invite you to behold and hold space for the inner workings of youth who are the face of the future.
N T R O D U C T I O N
What you are about to read is candid, insightful and most importantly authentic, just to name a few. Over the course of the summer, ConTextos was met with an amazing opportunity to provide youth in our city with a six week paid internship here at our organization. Trust me when I say this to you: this experience has been nothing short of extraordinary.
Our interns engaged in Authors Circle, social-emotional learning sessions, and a series of workshops that included photography, music production, painting, and mental health discussions.
Our interns also learned about the daily workings and many different elements of a nonprofit organization. The interns planned and hosted their own local open mic and engaged in community outreach, as well as mapping, identifying, and engaging with local partners who we can connect with in the future. They built community with each other and worked together each and every day expanding their comfort zones, being brave, asking for help, offering support and keeping an open mind all while seeking diverse perspectives and I must say that having the opportunity to share space with them was a privilege for me.
I’m really excited and grateful for this cohort and everything they’ve accomplished in the present as well as what they will accomplish in the future. Everyone came into this internship as strangers to one another. Now they’re concluding this journey with fresh friendships that were crafted organically. Bonds were built, experiences were shared and meaningful conversations took place that inspired them to write what you are holding in your hands right now. The willingness to challenge existing narratives and share their stories in such a unique way speaks volumes to what is possible for the youth in Chicago when spaces where they can explore possibilities, be themselves and understand that their voices are not only heard but valued are accessible to them.
On behalf of this wonderful cohort of ConTextos interns and myself, we hope you enjoy reading this publication.
Trevor Lester Community Advocate & Authors Circle Facilitator
N T R O D U C T I O N
Dear Reader,
Welcome to the insights and minds of the next generation of young adults. 11 youth members from all walks of life were given a chance to enter a program where they had to choose vulnerability. They had to choose themselves to show up in a space that some had never experienced before. Choose to be in a space of strangers and welcome each individual into their reality. This was a space of integrity, motivation, determination, pain, healing and growth.
In the beginning some of these young adults felt invisible, unheard, or as if their voice didn’t matter. Throughout this process they had the chance to know they are seen, understand that the voiceless always have a voice, and the importance of telling your own story versus allowing someone to tell your story for you.
Over the past few weeks, each of these young adults have grown in tremendous ways. There are now smiles where there once were frowns. We have confidence in areas it once lacked. They understand and know the power they hold and the power of their tongue. We speak life where it once wasn’t made.
To every intern and now Author: I am so proud and astonished at your hard work, dedication, and your passion to want to learn, to be willing to be helped, and to pave a way for the next ones that come after you. Congratulations, you are now a Published Author. Be proud of your writing, be proud of the work you have done. Use this experience and skills you have learned and apply them to your present and future! Remember that you hold all the power! The sky's the limit and once you choose yourself, there’s no stopping you.
Love, Kali Rose
Project Manager & Authors Circle Facilitator
ACE LOVE ME RIGHT, LOVE ME NOT.
6 W O R D M E M O I R S S I N C E Y O U A S K E D
Shout out to the real ones
Too understanding in this misunderstood reality
Say something, please just say something
Since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so quiet
Because I’m not spoken to Because Momma taught me that I should speak when spoken to
Because anything other than that is talking back
Because I can't express myself
Because what I feel don't matter
Because I grew up believing that Because I let people take advantage
Because I saw my opinion as a problem
Because I said no and they still penetrated
Because I’m just a body
Because body don't have emotion it just gets plumper and looks pretty
Because I’m not even real
Because I’m quiet
Because I hate myself
Because I chose to believe what momma said Because momma said speak when spoken to
N O R M S N O T N O R M A L
” I was 12 years old, paranoid whenever I was traveling to places because men just can't take no for an answer. Now I’m 18 and they still can't.
Having to watch kids that aren't yours at 11 because your sister chose to be a teen instead of a Mom.
Having to suffer in silence as your mental illness forms because your parents think that expressing yourself is talking back.
N R E S P O N S E T O
L E T T E R W I T H N O A D D R E S S
I relate to this story because my dad wasn't there for me either, but he was in my life. I felt what the author said to my core and my entire being when he said that “5 years of knowing you and not talking was way worse than than the 16 years of not knowing you at all.”
There are times where I wished I never met my Dad, where I wished my momma didn't tell me about all the horrible things he’s done to her because it fuels my rage for him even more.
The only time he was there was when he used the concept of fear to have control over me and my Mother.
The way you take time to admire everything about my physical
Because the way i see myself… your overwhelming love for it makes me feel cynical
I know for you my body dysmorphia is not logical
I know for myself I’m critical
But please baby… don't stare too long.
I’m afraid. Afraid you ’ re gonna see what I see.
Please don't be over me. The way you treat me like royalty
The fact that you kiss all over my body is beyond me because deep inside I feel ugly.
Don't stare too long…
I'm apologetic. Apologetic for the way your smile falls when I point out all my flaws
And how I think the way I'm built is against the law, but the way you speak about me is so detailed it unhinges my jaw so beautiful it should be written on walls.
But don't stare too long…
D O N ’ T S T A R E T O O L O N G ( C O N T . )
I try to in the mirror but all fails and I'm in my room again. Crying because I dont think it’ll ever end. Are they lying to me? My family, my friends? No… they wouldn't lie to me like that, and you… I know you'll always have my back. So maybe I should just believe you don't have anything up-under your sleeve and that’ll relieve me of all my insecurities. Maybe somewhere deep inside I have that ability.
So you can keep staring and I’ll keep sharing my life story and the reasons why I'm so loving but can’t love myself fully.
But there will always be a voice in my head pleading… Please baby, don't stare too long.
BRIANA
I’M OUTSTANDING
SO I STAND OUT.
6 W O R D M E M O I R S
What is given should be earned
Celebrate every day like a birthday
Good comes to those who wait
A M F R O M
I am from the midwest of it all
From cornfields and Lake Michigan
I am from Michigan City, Indiana
I am from the country, but not the canty
The only place where corn is grown all year round
I am from Tara and Cynthia
And from love and indecisiveness
I'm from goofiness
And from prejudices
I'm from higher power, whoever that may be
I'm from Elgin, Illinois
From granny that's it
I am from the path of changes
I
Y D I
O M M U N I
E M I S J U D G E D
I believe the divide in the black community is not normal or natural. I believe if we bonded together we would be too strong as a whole and that is why there are so many plans to keep us divided.
Example: Light/Dark, Man/Woman
There is trauma in our blood and we as people need to be aware enough to control those traumas or suppress them.
I have been judged my whole life by my sisters for my music taste, hearing the term “White People Music” when I just wanted to listen to upbeat and happy music.
I'm going to make a way and break generational curses to start a healthy family
And create a new standard to live the happiest life. But to do this I have to heal. I have to look in the mirror.
I'm going to be aware of my faults and correct myself when I’m wrong
I'm going to show up and show out, show support to those in need, be healthy and happy
That way I can fulfill my goal
I'm going to surprise those who have doubt by prospering and flourishing
As long as I keep swimming
I'm going to make a way
ELLYSS NEVER A BURDEN, ONLY A BLESSING.
6 W O R D M E M O I R S D E A R Y O U N G E R S E L F
When in doubt, turn to God
If it's calling, you answer it
Actions are temporary, feelings are forever
Be yourself even if it's scary
If they wanted to, they would
You can’t see faith is key
Don't be immature. Have that conversation
Change your attitude, change your life
You've done all you needed to do. You created a foundation for your future
I’m so proud of you.
I love all your faults and your tears - they made you strong
And they made you sure
You are beautiful. You didn't know it then but you feel it now
You've helped me grow
Don't ever change, even though you never can
For everything you are has made me everything I am
S I N C E Y 0 U A S K E D
Since you asked, I’ll tell you why I'm so anxious
Because I need to look perfect when I go to school
Because my stomach hurts every time I wake up
Because my daily routine is important to me
Because I want to grow my relationship with God but can't stop sinning
Because my best is never good enough
Because I feel as though I am carrying the weight of my family on my shoulders
Because I feel like I will never find love
Because I am only better to the female eye
Because I love people too hard and I'm too forgiving
Because I've never had a death in my family and I don't know how grief will affect me
Because I constantly want more for myself
Because I constantly feel the need to put on a brave face
Because I constantly have to smile when I feel a waterfall behind my eyes
Because I constantly have to be a leader even when I don't know the way sometimes
N O R M S N O T N O R M A L M I S J U D G E D
Something that isn’t normal in society is how black women are the most disrespected people.
There are so many positive black role models, yet people still disrespect black women every day. Rappers such as Sexy Redd and Cardi B have reclaimed their bodies and agency, yet they are seen as ghetto rather than revolutionary. With people like Kamala Harris and Michelle Obama, you would think that people would realize that black women are at the top of the fray. People constantly feel threatened by our intelligence, wittiness and humor while being leaders, but what they don't realize is that those are the very things that make us the best leaders.
I often feel like my personality is misjudged. People sometimes think that I am mad, angry or intimidating but really I am just guarded with my feelings.
JADA CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE,
CHANGE THE WORLD.
6 W O R D M E M O I R S S I N C E Y O U A S K E D
Blue comes in many different shades.
Creativity is a double edge sword.
Well since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so hopeful.
Because the world has enough darkness
Because forever is not forever
Even when it feels like forever
Because it is free
Because it is contagious
Because it helps
Because the world keeps spinning with or without you
Because it's better than believing in the statistics
Because it's better than feeling nothing
Because life doesn’t give much back
Because it’s the nothing that contrast the bad
Because you are what you attract
D E A R
Y O U N G E R S E
You focused on surviving, not thriving
You took every attack head on
Your heart and soul got battered and bruised
But you still don't
W H E R E I ’ M G O I N G
I’m going to be the conductor to the person that changes the world
To write the manuscript on how to be a good person and have unconditioned unconditional love
I’m going to teach people how to accept the past and change the future
I’m going to create adult fairytales with real messages
I’m going to bring magic back to the world and create a ripple effect that becomes someone ’ s miracle
But even though I know where I’m going, I have to know how to get there
I’m going to accept the imperfections rather than finding perfection in them
I’m going to take time for myself
I’m going to create the balance I can’t seem to find
I’m going to follow through with my workout plan
I’m going to love myself the way I love the future I’m creating
JAMARI KEEP SUPPORTERS
CLOSE, BUT HATERS CLOSER.
LEARN TO TEACH, TEACH TO LEARN.
A N T E
E
I’ve always wanted to be a content creator. Something I always wanted to see is me and my people become successful. I’ve always wanted to go to Las Vegas. A change I would like to see in this world is less violence.
N O R M S N O T N O R M A L
Something that isn't normal is being able to have access to guns like it's nothing. I remember growing up from liking to play video games to liking being in shootouts. When I got around the wrong people, it wasn't nothing nobody could tell me right or wrong.
JEREMIAH
LOVE ME, HATE ME, I’M ME.
6 W O R D M E M O I R S S I N C E Y O U A S K E D
The past the past. Still survive Woo wop the bam I won
Because I’ve never seen my Mom and Dad together
Because my brother went to jail and it forced me to be the man of the house at 12 years old
Because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6
Because I used to play shame shame shame now I’m throwing gang sign with my hands
Because nobody taught me how to love that's why that's based on my heart
Because this is the story behind my name
N O R M S N O T N O R M A L R O L E M O D E L
Something that isn't normal in my personal life is my block, because these days I would cry if I'm on the block alone due to my close friends passing away or being in jail. This is why I cherish life so much. Because my friends died on the same blocks we used to play on as kids.
I feel that it is really important for young men to have a positive male figure in their life that's present because they can teach the importance of leadership, be a role model, a mentor and much more for that young man. If no one is in the household to provide that, it's easy to turn to the streets for that guidance and usually it comes from the wrong people.
JULIUS PRIDE IS NOT WORTH DYING OVER.
H O W Y O U C O M I N G , K I D ?
How I knew, I knew because at a very young age I had to go through it. The streets are not the way. I hope someone reads this and understands it. Have you ever wanted to do something and your Mom said no? Maybe you should hear her out. I wish I had listened, had known that, but I didn't. 6 W W O R D M E M O I R S Every shot you don't take gone Family is not blood, it’s love Position is key, it's coming vibe
Hyc kid? I see you surpassed one of the many goals you got. You did it. Hyc kid? You not halfway done, but you ’ re getting there, keep going. You only 16, you good, don't stop. H O W I K N E W
S I N C E Y O U A S K E D
Hey, how are you doing? I saw you looking all sad and upset. What's wrong?
Well since you asked there's a lot wrong like people who are suffering from drug abuse that fills the streets or the amount of black killings out here or even how everyone wants to be labeled as a gangster then their Mom is missing her kid, or even while you ’ re walking down the street keeping your head down your Mom can miss you.
I’m from the dirt, I’m from not having nothing
I’m from Chicago where people think you can’t walk to the park without getting shot
I'm from Chicago where if there's not a dealer on the corner it's some kind of store
I’m from where you if you go outside you have to look behind you
I’m also from the home of the Bulls
I’m from a place where everyone wants to be from
I’m from the home city of the greats
Windy
I’m going to keep my promises and go to the military, go and meet new people and do new things.
I’m going to do that because the person I want to be go out in the field and come back
With many scars and wounds but to do that I have to thug it out these last two years.
JUSTIN
H A T I
I want to go to an island or something or to a NBA finals game or the Superbowl
I want to go to a resort
I want to see people change and be better than what they are I hope I leave behind, something big like a good image
M G O I N G
A N T W H E R E I
I am going to be great and travel places to meet new people And try new things
I'm going to be successful and be rich, have everything I'm going to give effort and do my best.
I am from the westside of Chicago
I am from my Mama and Grandad
From being outside with friends
And from patience and tough love
I am from don’t be trusting everybody you be around
And from watch around you
I am from the creator of the universe
I am from Chicago
MALIK FORGET THE PAST, REMEMBER
6 W O R D M E M O I R S
Don't force pieces that don't fit We’re going to make it. Watch.
T H I N G S I C A N T A K E
I can take staying home
I can take playing the game rather than going out
I can take staying with my brothers
I can take playing basketball all day
I can take just having a long conversation with my brothers
I can take always being busy
I can take barely having free time
I can take the overthinking
I can take not sleeping because I'm getting work done
I can take input on things
I can take everyone coming to me with their problems
I can take the high expectations
I can take the pressure
S I N C E Y O U A S K E D W H E R E I ’ M G O I N G M A R K O N T H E W O R L D
Since you asked I'll tell you why I'm so happy
Because I want to be able to walk into the room and change the energy
Because I want to be able to make everybody smile
Because I want to be the reason you have a good day
Because I want to be there for you and make you smile when you ’ re going through something
Because I want to be the light in your dark path
Because I want you to call on me when it gets hard
I’m going to a nice place just to think I'm going to a place where everybody wants to do good and help each other
I'm going to Hawaii to see the nice view and the water I'm going to travel the world and play a big part in the world
I want to leave this world with a great time where everybody can work together to make the world a better place and be someone that the youth can look up to as an example of what they can do.
NYKEMMA BLACK IS THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT.
DO I HAVE ENOUGH TIME YET?
L O V E I S E V E R Y W H E R E N O R M S N O T N O R M A L ( T O M Y D A U G H T E R N Y ’ L A H K I O R A B R A Y )
Love is everywhere…
Live for the moment not, for the future. This means tomorrow is not promised so live life to the fullest (YOLO)
This world/society normalizes everything, weird behavior, name calling, drug abuse.
Mental health and the gang wars from all over. I feel like the new generation don't stand a chance. The world is already set up to fail them like it failed us. I now have a child and I promise to work hard and try my best to protect my black little girl from the harm that the world brings us black Women.
E C O N N E C T I O N S T R O N G R E F L E C T I O N S
I don't want to rekindle with anyone because I’m at peace. Life is better with you finding out that you can't control everything, so let it go. I’m at that stage in my life. If it's meant to be it will happen and come back but I'm not forcing it. Life is too short right now to be mad or envious of somebody and that's why I don't miss anyone. People are full of shit sometimes lol I have a baby now and I’m trying to do my best for us.
I am strong, I am powerful, I will be the best for my child, financial problems not a worry.
Haters ignore your reflection of me. We can do it. Anything you want to accomplish you can do it!
Failure is the best way to success. You learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
I don't see nobody but me. Who am I gonna lose to?
SAV TREASURE THE ONES YOU LOVE MOST.
6 W O R D M E M O I R S S I N C E Y O U A S K E D E V E R Y T H I N G I S L I F E
Support can last a life time
Life turned its back on me
Mom, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I'm so angry
Because you left me when I knew you wasn't ready
Because I wanna talk one more time
Because I can't call you when I need you
Because we can’t smoke and watch TV no more
Because I can't show my face without someone bringing you up
Because I don't have anyone to tell how I feel
Because you told me you’d never leave
Don't give up because the next person don’t think you ’ re good enough. Always believe in yourself never give up on your dreams. Leave your past behind and make a better future.
Make your dreams become a reality.
I'm from the land of hope
I'm from the land of dreams and wonders
I’m from my Mother’s heart and thoughts
I'm from a rough neighborhood, but also from a good place
I'm from a strong bond and good times
I'm from experience and kindness
I'm from Chicago, but also from Roseland
I’m from my Grandma’s house
I am going to keep my promise to my Mom
And work on myself to go to school
Try different things
I'm going to make it matter
And finish what I started
Get a job that I like
Date the one who is right for me
Live my life the best way I can
But to do that I have to take things step by step
I'm going to do good on my word and finish the goals I started
By putting more effort into myself
Into school, into my work
And find out what can make me better
I'm going to do music and study
And do the best I can
I'm going to make it happen
To learn more about our work and read memoirs and other compilations written by our Authors, visit: www.contextos.org
Find us on social media: @contextoschi
Front cover image and book design by Killian Harris
Author Portraits by Dimitri Hepburn