Our Journey
By Steve Little
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Our Journey
Steve Little
It’s crazy when I sit back and think about my life. When I was doing for myself as well as others. Especially when you ’ re running the streets, you want to be seen as the man. Now I see that I was being selfish.
It was June 1st, a beautiful summer day, with a clear blue sky. So my pregnant lady and I went on a drive, she said she was hungry. I asked what she wanted , she said Culvers. So that's where we went, but in the drive thru she started having contractions. I asked her if she wanted to leave, but she said No not without my food. I started laughing and said ok. Then we were off to the hospital. My prince was born in the wee hours of the next morning.
Being a father to my son felt great. I did all of the little things a father and son would do. From building a fort in the front room out of sheets and couch pillows, to playing with his race cars and action figures with him, Was and still is a great feeling. But the older he got, the more things we did. Flying kites, playing catch with the football, and shooting basketball.
Then I got in trouble and went away. I wasn’t accustomed to being away from my son, come to find out, he felt the same way. I felt like I needed him more than he needed me. Which may sound crazy but was my truth.
I got back soon as possible. My son and I picked up where I left him, still growing like a weed. Then after a while my lady and I were back where we left off as well. But after a year or so she walked up to me and said two words I love to hear out of her mouth. She's pregnant.
I was happy, and I told her that we were having a girl.
Then my sunshine came, my baby girl. I really enjoyed being a parent of two little ones. Playing video games with my son while my daughter sat in my lap and watched, not knowing whats going on but she knew she was with us. To the times she would climb all over my head while I sleep were great moments of my life.
I had to say for the most part I was done with the streets. But a couple of rare occasions I may have ventured backwards. But my best interest was my family in my eyes.
I loved going to my son ' s field trips with him. Most times I was the only man in a sea full of women. But my focus was the look on my son ’ s face. When we would be somewhere and he sees something new to him, he’ll say look look look daddy wow. His look of shock and wow with his smile would be bright as the sun. Times like that made me proud to be a father.
Then I went away again. This time it was for a few years. I had to watch my kids grow up in pictures and hear them mature over the phone.
One time I called home and heard a deep voice in the background. I asked my wife who was at the house with her, she said her and the kids. I asked to speak to my daughter, I asked her who was at home with her, she said my brother and mommy.
I said ok let me talk to your brother. He got on the phone and his voice was deep as mine. Only thing I could say was damn, I've been gone too long. Time passed and I was able to come home early. But things changed a lot this time. I had to really learn who my family had grown into. It took a while but my kids and I got back on track. But with my wife it took a hell of a lot of work for us to see eye to eye. But everything needs hard work to make it worth having.
Before I knew it, we were a family again. I worked two jobs and my wife worked as well. But on Thursday nights it was family game night. We played Connect four, Uno, Monopoly, Jinga, Battleship, and even Nintendo. The kids would look and laugh at the graphics and say “this what yall played” But after a while they loved playing Mario and Duck hunt. They said that those games were fun to play.
On Sundays I only worked one job. So we would eat at the kitchen table together as a family. We would talk about the week to come and make sure everyone had their things together for the week.
The kids were doing great at school. My son had his ups and downs, but that’s to be expected out of a teenager. Others at his age are doing way worse. So I always told him I’m proud of him.
The family was happy and I was too. On a good weekend I would take off work, and we would go out as a family. We would go to the mall and shop, or we would go to Jumpzone or the VR room the Sandbox. Seeing my family run around falling and laughing was a great sight to see.
One day after we left the barbershop I asked my son if he’d like to drive. He smiled and said yeah dad.
So we went to a large lot. I showed him the basics, then I let him take the wheel. After a while I got out of the car and let him drive by himself, while I sat in the grass and watched him drive and park. So every Saturday that's what we did.
A couple of times I would take my son in our garage and show him how to weld. At first he was jumpy, then he started to enjoy it. So then he became a regular.
But with my little boss lady, she would like to paint things. It didn't matter what it was, rocks, pictures or on her own clothes. I even let her paint my fingernails and if anyone said anything about it they would have to see me about it.
But other than that, I was all in. I'll be right there with her making a mess. But watching her smile was always worth listening to my wife complain about the mess we had made. I have missed and still miss my daughters field trips, her playing soccer, and now cheerleading. My son had become an entrepreneur. He’s a photographer and sells shirts he has made. Once again I am missing it all.
My Sorrow
Missing my family
Yet knowing they miss me as well
So I stay focused
Only to make myself a better person
Reminiscing on the great times
Ready to restore my family
Often in heavy thought about our future as a family
Wishing I was a better father to my great kids.
I Am From
