The Bale Within Yam D. Ibanez
“Until the lion writes his own story, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.” -African proverb The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising, illustrating and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, and positive self-projection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff ’s Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these young men, their families and our collective communities. In collaboration with
The Battle Within Yam D. Ibanez
Finally, the big game day! Sunday Superbowl for my St. Mary’s Fighting Irish football team. It’s late October and today is one of those days where it’s dark, filled with grey clouds. A chilly, cold night with wind blowing hard, lights are shining onto the field.
My second year playing lineman and considered a big threat on the defensive side. Also having the possibility of playing a new position as the kicker. I never planned on being the kicker that year, but when Coach Forton saw me lick the ball at practice farther than everyone else, I got the kicker’s job. Coach always said I had one hell of a leg.
Coaches Forton and Hatch made me into a great football player.Showed me everuything I know. They both wanted me to pursue playing football throughout high school. Instead off soccer, which I was really considering.
So there I was on the field ready to kickoff to start the game. Once the whistle blew I had took off, kicked the ball high and long into the end zone as the team made the tackle, Being on defense first it was my time to shine for I couldn’t wait to get my first tackle in.
The sound of the crowd cheering “Let’s go Irish!” play after play. Helmets clashing as tackles are being made, So much energy flowing in the air.
I never once thought I’d be the kicker for my team, it just never crossed my mind, I mean I play soccer, so I know how to kick a ball so you would just think I’d be perfect for the position and I am. My coaches always told me I had one hell of a leg. No one could kick the ball the way that I could. My coaches told me to pursue being a kicker in football throughout high school next year instead of soccer and I really am considering it. I love playing football.
I look back to all these memories from that day being my most memorable, unforgettable day. Nothing could compare to this day not even my soccer championships.
I grew up playing soccer since I was a little kid, never did I ever plan on playing football. I always planned on becoming a great soccer player like Ronaldinho or Messi. But the ďŹ rst day I put on my shoulder pads and helmet for physical contact, being able to tackle somebody at full force feeling that rush going through your body, I knew I had found the sport I was meant to play.
Those two years playing football were the best years of my life, but also had an unexpected impact on my life.
Superbowl changed a life decision I made for the upcoming year. I had really wanted to play football instead of soccer, going into high school, Fifteen years later it still bothers me to this day that the decision I made was not the right one. The loss of that day had a big emotional effect inside me. I blamed myself for that loss that day, for it was a great battle. We did not come out victorious, losing 14-7, I felt I could have done better.
My family says I played a good game. So does everyone else, even the college scout who came up to me after the game. He was interested in how good a player I was. He said I have talent that he was looking forward to scouting me in the upcoming years.
Our team award banquet came around within two weeks. So much had gone through my mind during that time about the game, my future. What was next for me? Most of all coach’s question? And would I fail again?
During the award banquet right after everyone on the team got their individual trophy, it was time to call out for MVP. Hearing my name called out for MVP for best Offensive/Defensive Player really shocked me. I cherish my MVP trophy the most, It’s a big accomplishment for me, even though I have many trophies from soccer. It means more to me, because it only took me two years to achieve that level of success.
Walking up the stairs, I approach both my coaches. I shake Coach Hatch’s hand first, then Coach Forton’s. He pauses a little before he hands me the trophy, asking the question he’s been waiting to ask. “You playing football next year?” I stayed silent for a little bit, then looked him in the eyes and said, “No, I’m playing soccer.”
He stayed smiling, handing me the trophy, saying whatever I decide, I had the skill and power to play any sport. As I walked off, I felt like he knew I as still undecided, for I still didn’t know myself what I wanted.
When I look back to all of those moments, I really try to understand myself to why I made the decision I made. I guess I was frustrated most of the time. I didn’t know how losing such a big game could have that big of an impact on me.
I feel I let my pride interfere with my final decision. I was so focused blaming myself when I should have been finding a way to lift myself back up to better myself the following year. Instead I took the easy way out.
Thirty years old now. I’m not perfect. I’ve failed many times but haven’t given up. I do what I should have done that day...pick myself up and try harder.
Living this experience, I’m able to help my nephew Marcos and cousin Michelle, as well as other family members. I motivate them to to do what they love to do.
Work hard, play hard. Never give up. I tell them not every game is won.
Being able to be a supportive uncle or cousin who is looked up to for motivation is a blessing for when I hear about their accomplishments it’s the best feeling ever.
Having two boys now, Lorenzo (4) and Angelo (2), I want them to know when it comes time for them to decide what they want to pursue, to follow their heart. Don’t let yourself think that just because you feel you failed at something, you can’t win again. Don’t let that feeling dictate your next move.
I let the fear of failure overcome me throughout the years. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Always follow your heart.
Thanks to my family for all the support all those years. I love you all. Lorenzo and Angelo, Daddy loves you both with all my heart. God bless you all.
Win or lose, I’ll be by your side.
Yam I was born in Mexico City and Raised in Woodstock, IL to Chicago. From a small town with open land to a city full of excitement I am from Groundhog days, farm days to City of Champions From carne asada cookouts and Modelo/Corona beer From Silvestre and Josefina From a soccer family of Deportiva Cruz Azul and Club America Fans From hechale ganas and No Te Hagas Wey I’m from a Mexican background From Tamales, Posole and Mezcal From loving mother Josefina who is the strongest, fighting mother we know And keeps our family united Who we all love so much.