THE UGLY DUCKLING GETS THE GIRL
TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN
ADDING FIRE TO YOUR BLAZER GAME
WE EXAMINE WHY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN PICK AVERAGE MEN
THE
GHIFTED
PROTECTING
YOUR SIDE HUSTLE
SCHOOL FOR THE
SHONTEL
ARTS
BROWN
LIVING HER BEST LIFE JANUARY 2022 ISSUE
INSIDE
42
ADDING FIRE TO YOUR BLAZER GAME The changes in how we live means a change in how we dress. Gone are the days of full suits. Today, people are dressing in more comfortable fashions designed to make a statement and showcase their personality at the same time.
Photo: James Thompson
ON THE COVER
24
SHONTEL BROWN: LIVING HER BEST LIFE What happens when you find your purpose and work align with your “why” — every day? If you are Shon-
tel Brown, you run for Congress and win in a special election, becoming one of the youngest people in Northeast Ohio to do so.
difference in their careers and changing the world! 10 MAN CODES Quotes by people with insights on power.
12 THE GHIFTED SCHOOL FOR THE ARTS Cleveland native, Caira Lee, gives budding artists opportunities to learn, create, and grow.
15 HISTORY COMES ALIVE Fawn Weaver made it her mission to bring both the history and talent of this African American distiller to life.
31 SURVIVING IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE: PART II We examine what happens to the body and mind when going without sex for extended periods of time.
8 MOVERS AND SHAKERS Get to know people who are making a CODE M / JANUARY 2022 3
[ INSIDE ] 36 THE UGLY DUCKLING GETS THE GIRL
18
PROTECTING YOUR SIDE HUSTLE Millions of Americans are quitting their jobs and choosing to run their home -grown businesses fulltime. Understand the tax implications of turning your side hustle into a real job.
We try to understand why seemingly attractive women are choosing to date plainlooking men with an unbeautiful exterior.
40 A MULTIVITAMIN JUST FOR AFRICAN AMERICANS: YOUR GENETIC SEQUENCE IS WHY The majority of the population, that most vitamin companies naturally target, have nutritional needs that are substantially different. ADVERTISE WITH CODE M Men of color influence the latest trends of popular culture, fashion, and music more than any demographic. Reach this audience when you advertise with CODE M Magazine. Call 216-273-9400 to request a rate kit.
TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN
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CODE M Magazine was created to be a guiding force in creating a dialogue for black men everywhere. Code M focuses on the conversations of advancement, mental health, career choices, the political landscape and relationships that define and shape the lives of black men everywhere.
Code M Magazine is published by CODE MEDIA GROUP, LLC © 2021 All Rights Reserved
[ TRAVEL ]
CODE M / AUGUST 2021 9
MOVERS &
SHAKERS
P A R I S 8 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M
Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!
L A M P K I N S
[ MOVERS & SHAKERS ]
PARIS LAMPKINS Paris Lampkins is the Corporate Director of Student Education and Training for Horizons Youth Services. In her current role, she oversees the standardization of curricula and testing; monitors and assesses outcomes, identifies professional development opportunities for instructors, and provides direction for policy revisions while ensuring compliance. Lampkins has fifteen years of extensive experience in Education Administration.
LARON HARLEM Warrensville Heights native Laron Harlem was named the Fashion Editor of CODE M Magazine recently. The fashion designer, photographer, and clothier owner has perfected the art of wearing clothes with his Styled by Decarlo clothing line. Harlem has designer clothes and has been published over 22 times, two times in Italy for DLM Magazine and has appeared on five billboards around the Atlanta area.
SUNNY ADAMS Sunny Adams, CPA, is an audit manager at Apple Growth Partners. Adams is the co-leader of IMPACT, which focuses on the education and growth of Black-owned businesses. In 2022, Adams created her social media "eego Health" where she highlights the training of her first marathon to inspire others to maximize their personal and professional potential. Adams was honored as a Crain’s Cleveland Business 2021 Class of Forty Under 40 and is celebrating one year in business at Apple Growth Partners.
DAVID GILBERT David Gilbert, president and CEO of Destination Cleveland, has been appointed to the U.S. Travel and Tourism Advisory Board, which consults with the U.S. Secretary of Commerce on policies related to the travel industry, including entry requirements, aviation security, infrastructure, and other issues. Gilbert, who is also president and CEO of the Greater Cleveland Sports Commission, was appointed by U.S. Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross. CODE M / JANUARY 2022 9
Alice Walker
MAN CODES:
QUOTES BY PEOPLE WITH INSIGHTS ON POWER
“The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.” - Mahatma Gandhi “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” - Alice Walker “Knowledge is power. Power to do evil...or power to do good. Power itself is not evil. So knowledge itself is not evil.” - Veronica Roth “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is, "timing," it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” - Fulton J. Sheen “The measure of a man is what he does with power.” – Plato “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” - Margaret Thatcher “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”- Leo F. Buscaglia
10 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M
Compiled by Bilal S. Akram
“Any form of art is a form of power; it has impact, it can affect change – it can not only move us, it makes us move.” - Ossie Davis “You gain power by pretending to be weak.” - Chuck Palahniuk “There is immense power when a group of people with similar interests get together to work toward the same goals.” - Idowu Koyenikan “We are at our most powerful the moment we no longer need to be powerful.” - Eric Micha'el Leventhal “It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.” - David Brin “If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” - Peace Pilgrim “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.” 2 Peter 1:3
[ HEALTH ]
THE
GHIFTED SCHOOL FOR THE
ARTS Cleveland native, Caira Lee, gives budding artists opportunities to learn, create, and grow.
CLE STRONG Cleveland native Caira Lee.
Written by DAVID CHRISTEL David has been ghostwriting books for well-known people since 1995. He is also the author of Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.
C
ultural anthropologist Margaret Mead famously said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever
16 12 OCTOBER JANUARY 2022 2021 / CODE M
has.” And such is the impetus of every artist: change. From the standpoint of art, the work of every artist is to share with the world their insights and perspectives on life. From Paleolithic cave paintings to the work of modern-day artists, the arc of human expression has been to inform, illustrate, break through, evoke, and provoke. And change happens — one artist at a time, one heart and mind at a time. Art can create social impact through individual endeavors to community-wide and international projects. One such project is not only creating transformation through artist exhibi-
tions, it’s also giving budding artists opportunities to learn, create, and grow. Founded by Cleveland native Caira Lee, the Ghifted School of Art based in Ghana and the US has a 3-part approach: The Donor’s Choice Program allows donors to purchase gifts directly from a student’s wish list, which can be anything from paying school fees to needed supplies and tools to housing needs. Provide training, classes, and certificate programs for artists to help them in their personal lives and in today’s art world. Ghifted Gallery of Fine African Art: A world-class gallery featuring the most significant work of students, which provides them access to a broader arts community, a chance to advertise their skills, and to gain potential private clients. As their website states, “This adult-learning program builds bridges between philanthropists and extremely talented, impoverished artists in Ghana to afford them education while promoting their contemporary and traditional art.” Quote: “This is powerful. And authentic and [a] culturally relevant approach to creative empowerment. Truly transformational!” Peter Jeffy, Project Director, McNair Scholars Program at Kent State University, Youngstown, Ohio It seems that Caira’s entire life has led up to this international project. She comes from a family of artists: her grandfather was a painter; her brother, by age nine, had mastered playing the guitar upside down, something he learned from their father, a renowned bassist. At age thirteen, Caira began traveling internationally to
writing workshops, performing poetry, and coaching young artists at events like Poetry Out Loud in Washington, DC and Brave New Voices in California. In college, Caira gave a TEDx Talk that was featured in the Huffington Post and For Harriet. She ended up in Ghana studying playwriting under Prof. Samuel Benagr at the University of Ghana. When invited to teach reading and writing at Ashesi University in Ghana, she felt so at home that she stayed. With Ghifted, Caira chose a huge dream that would allow her to create generational wealth without the trauma of dispassionate labor. She says, “I believe people deeply desire to connect to one another, to help less fortunate people when they can, to be the force for good in another’s life. Sometimes when they have the money, they just don't know the best way to help. Ghifted provides that solution by making it very clear how the donor is helping their artist of choice. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a person across the ocean who you can forever say you had an instrumental role in elevating their quality of life?” In high school, Caira was voted “Most Likely to Change the World” — and she is clearly on her way as she seeks to enable, uplift, engage, promote, and transform people’s lives whether they’re a donor, an art lover, or a student. Caira wants to “alleviate the unnecessary suffering of talented artists in Ghana while creating a life-changing bond between two people who would otherwise never have known each other.” In today’s world of technology that has managed to create even greater distance between people, Caira is using art and artists to bring people, ideas, talent, and heart together. If you’d like to learn more, please visit Ghifted School website, as well as their Facebook page: Ghifted School for the Arts and on Instgram @ghifted.school. ●
Caira Lee creates artwork that has changed the way we see Black people forever.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2021 13 17 JANUARY 2022
CLE
14 DECEMBER 2021 / CODE M
BUSINESS HISTORY COMES ALIVE Fawn Weaver made it her mission to bring both the history and talent of this African American distiller to life.
Fawn Weaver
Written by ANTHONY KIRBY Anthony T. Kirby is the Lifestyle Editor for CODE M Magazine and has spent over 30 years in the menswear industry. He lives in Philadelphia, PA where he is the Creative Director for FINICKEY, an online men's haberdashery brand. (https://finickey.us)
I
’m saying “Uncle,” not giving into defeat here, nor wrestling you down to get something from you. I’m telling you to say “Uncle,” as in Uncle Nearest Premium Whiskey, which has become the fastest growing and best-selling premium whiskey brand on the market to date. It currently has sold nearly 1.5 million bottles.
CODE M / JANUARY 2022 15
[ CLE ]
16 DECEMBER 2021 / CODE M
[ BUSINESS ]
This is an impressive feat for an African American-owned distillery. I would also go on to say an historic achievement when you think about all the major whiskey brands here in the US. I’ve known all the typical brands stocked on the shelves of my local wine and spirit store: Jim Beam, Maker’s Mark, Booker’s, and, of course, Jack Daniels. What made me come to write this story was the foundation of how Uncle Nearest came into existence. I just discovered the brand a couple of years ago in an article in The New York Times, titled “Jack Daniel’s Embraces a Hidden Ingredient: Help from a Slave.” It was a slave who helped create one of the world’s best known whiskey brands. Nathan “Nearest” Green was a Tennessee slave who taught a teenager, Jack Daniel, distilling techniques. Jack went on to develop the Jack Daniels Tennessee whiskey brand. Mr. Green was considered the first African American master distiller. So many of African American discoveries have been erased from history. Slave owners often took credit or outright stole the slaves’ patents or achievements that have shaped the American industry. The success of Uncle Nearest didn’t get lost, though, due to the extensive work of Mrs. Fawn Weaver, an African American real estate investor and best-selling author. She made it her mission to bring both the history and talent of this African American distiller to life. Mrs. Weaver relocated to Tennessee to discover archival information on the working relationship between Green and Daniel. Through her research, Ms. Weaver brought her findings to the attention of Brown-Forman, owners of the Jack Daniels brand to recognize that Nathan “Nearest” Green was its first
African American master distiller and Jack Daniel is listed as its second master distiller. In 2017, Mrs. Weaver went on to partner up with a Nashville whiskey maker to bring her brand Uncle Nearest 1856. At that time, she was the only African American woman to oversee a major spirits brand. Again, another historic feat in a white, male-dominated industry. Through its Nearest Green Foundation, it’s keeping the story alive, telling the history of Nathan Nearest Green as the first African American distiller. The 50th anniversary edition of the book Jack Daniel’s Legacy is now available with proceeds going to the Nearest Green Foundation for the purpose of building the Memorial Park and the Legacy Scholarship Fund. The company has also developed the Uncle Nearest Venture Fund, which has earmarked $50 million to support the growth and start-up of other minority-owned spirit brands. The brand has won over 150 awards, including the No. 1 Whiskey from Tennessee for the third year in a row from Cigar & Spirits Magazine and Best American Whiskey. I can see why. My choice is the Uncle Nearest 1884 Small-Batch Whiskey (93-proof) with its smooth and sweet taste and a slight hint of maple. I take mine neat. If you’re looking for a compelling backstory, dedicated blending and a top-notch finished product, then you’re in for a true delight with this Tennessee line of whiskeys. Experience the history and savor the flavor of Uncle Nearest Premium Whiskey. ●
The Uncle Nearest label is one of the fasted-growing brands in America today.
CODE M / JANUARY 2022 17
[ BUSINESS ]
your SIDE hustle
PROTECTING
18 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M
Millions of Americans are quitting their jobs and choosing to run their home-grown businesses full-time.
Understand the tax implications of turning your side hustle into a real job.
By Sunny Adams, CPA, and A’Shira Nelson, CPA
[ BUSINESS ]
I
t used to be that the term “side hustle” had a slightly shady meaning to it — but not in this day and age. Since the onset of the pandemic, many people have been struggling to survive and the concept of the “side hustle” has become mainstream. The side hustle has become the new “pivot.” People are launching amazing secondary businesses to augment their current income flow or if they have no income stream. Many side hustles don’t require an office or employees, just an Internet presence. Search the Internet and you’ll find anything and everything is being marketed. There are plenty of good reasons to start a side hustle. Extra money can help build savings, pay off debt or go
towards a goal, such as buying a house, taking a big trip, paying for school, or shoring up retirement plans. Making money in a way that doesn’t feel like “work” can help avoid burnout and be truly rewarding. Plus, with social media, side hustles may have a readily available platform. While side hustles bring many rewards, turning it into a real business can bring even more. A person’s side hustle can simply be a hobby, or the goal may be to turn it into a fulltime business and lifestyle. Before launching a side hustle, there are a few considerations to take into account, such as: When is the best time to legitimize a side hustle and what legalities do I need to address? Regardless of whether a person has been operating a side hustle for years, or has just started making money, they must report income earned on their tax return even from hobbies. CODE M / JANUARY 2022 19
[ BUSINESS ] Why not benefit from the various tax advantages awarded to business owners?
website domain, establishing social media profiles, and designing a logo.
When a business becomes incorporated, it often comes with a perceived permanency and reputability to customers and investors. This can also make it easier to raise capital when needed. Here are some important steps to take if you’re considering a side hustle startup.
There are several types of business structures, and each comes with their own advantages and disadvantages. The most common examples that would apply to a side hustle or small business are Limited Liability Corporations (LLC) and S Corporations. The pros and cons of each, along with the business type and structure should be considered when selecting the one that will deliver the right balance of legal protection and benefits.
Choose a Business Structure Ready to get official? Forming a legal business entity is generally a good idea for any business, big or small. “One of the biggest reasons to form a legal entity is liability protection,” says Sunny Adams, CPA with Apple Growth Partners. “Separating liabilities is definitely one of the biggest advantages,” agreed A’Shira Nelson, CPA at Apple Growth Partners. “Forming a legal business entity can also simplify taxes, allows hiring of employees rather than contractors when the time comes, and helps with credibility and branding, to name a few of the other benefits.” In addition to the legal benefits of securing a formal company name, entrepreneurs can then begin to capitalize on critical components, but not as much paperwork, such as securing a
20 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M
Register the Business Location and business structure determine how a business needs to be registered. In most cases, it’s as simple as registering the business name with the state and local government. Skipping this step could mean missing out on legal and tax benefits. Apply for an Employer Identification Number (EIN) Once the business has a legal name and has been officially formed as an LLC or S Corporation, the business owner will need to apply for an employer identification number (EIN). The prior two steps need to be completed first to avoid any need to re-file, as the IRS will ask for the business formation date
FILM
CODE M / DECEMBER 2021
21
[ BUSINESS ] and the legal business name as approved by the state. It’s recommended, and often required, to have an EIN when opening a business bank account, hiring employees, or to build business credit. Using an EIN instead of a personal social security number with clients and vendors also reduces identity theft and personal liability risks. Apply for Licenses, Permits, and Insurance Most businesses need a combination of licenses and permits from federal and state agencies. Fees and requirements are dependent on business type, activities, location, and government laws. Once registered, business owners should begin exploring insurance components with a certified agent. In some instances, hobbies-turned-businesses may require insurance to perform the service. Open A Business Bank Account Once a business is ready to begin accepting and spending money, it’s time to open a business bank account. As mentioned earlier, a federal EIN will be necessary for this step. Utilizing a business bank account provides additional personal
22 DECEMBER 2021 / CODE M
liability protection and helps a business remain legally compliant. A business bank account also offers an additional sense of professionalism since customers will be able to make payments to the business rather than the individual business owner. An important added benefit is establishing a credit history for the business, which can be used in case of emergency, to build inventory, or for large equipment purchases. Registering a company can be one of the best ways you can expand your business and help ensure its success. Not only is liability limited, but lower tax rates mean that the owner can focus on turning the business into the lucrative venture that they want it to be. Launching and sustaining a side hustle takes time and effort and may also require some investment and outside expertise. “We understand the complexity of launching a business, and how overwhelming it can feel,” says Adams. “Helping minority entrepreneurs overcome these hurdles and become success stories is what inspired the creation of
[ BUSINESS ]
Protecting your side hustle’s income is one of the most important things you can do in 2022.
our IMPACT team,” Nelson commented. “We can help take your side hustle to an established business without the headache. If you’re unsure how to turn your side hustle into a registered business on the path for growth, contact our IMPACT team today to discuss how we can help.”
So, consider your current situation and what you’d like for your future, the dreams you’d like realized, the legacy you’d like to put in place for your family. Perhaps today is a good day to step through a new door of opportunity! ●
CODE M / DECEMBER 2021 23
COVER
What happens when you find your purpose and work align with your “why” — every day? If you are Shontel Brown, you run for Congress and win in a special election, becoming one of the youngest people in Northeast Ohio to do so.
Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.
Cover and inside photo by: Mychal Lilly
24 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M
[ COVER ]
SHONTEL
BROWN
LIVING HER BEST LIFE W
hat happens when you find your purpose and work align with your “why” — every day? If you are Shontel Brown, you run for Congress and win in a special election, becoming one of the youngest people in Northeast Ohio to do so. When we’re kids, we all aspire to do something great when we grow up. We all think about how wonderful it would be to have careers in things we think about and covet. The truth is, very few of us can say we’re doing exactly what we intended when we were teenagers. Somehow, life’s decisions impact who we are
walks into a room, she brightens the spirit of anyone standing in her presence. In a world of cynical people, Brown is the warmth we all need right now. Cleveland has always enjoyed seasoned politicians to serve its interests, but now we get new blood, new energy, and innovative ideas from Brown about what our future can look like. For her first one hundred days in office, Brown has some ideas. “For me, it’s bringing people together to make
I have constant reminders from my nieces and friends that when I need to remember where I came from, that there are people in my life who I can turn to for laughter, hugs, and prayers.” and who we thought we would become. But for Shontel Brown, the newly elected congressperson for the 11th district, she is doing exactly what she envisioned twenty years ago. “Its funny because in high school I was actually voted class vice-president, so I’ve been doing politics for a while,” Brown commented. The fresh-faced Brown brings a new energy to the Northeast Ohio political landscape. When Brown
sure that we capitalize on the once-in-ageneration investment in the billions of dollars to reverse course on issues that have really plagued the Black community. The removal of lead pipes and creating high-speed Internet access for everyone — those are the things I’m excited about and hope to bring to the voters of Northeast Ohio,” Brown explained. Brown understands that her position as a mem-
CODE M / JANUARY 2022 25
[ COVER ]
ber of the National Black Caucus also helps her with the challenges Blacks face across America. 2022 is going to be an interesting year for Black people. The pandemic is a new way of life. Creating income has never been more challenging and working as one unit might never happen again. From the 1940s through the ‘60s, Black people fought for a common cause. Back then, a Black man could still provide for his family with one job, and the Black family was still considered to be the center of the Black community. Today, that way of life is long gone and what we think we need from our politicians is difficult to describe. So, Brown has her hands full as she decides which problems to address. Luckily for her constituents, Brown makes decisions quickly. “On my second day in office, I was able to cast a historic vote to move the bipartisan infrastructure bill forward and I am excited to continue to do things just like that,” Brown commented. “I also want to make sure we locally get our hands on those dollars as it will change our economic landscape.” What is so special about Brown is that she sees the world through a youthful lens. She brings nothing but her pure-hearted fondness for “doing what’s right” to the job. As voters, we can only wonder how long that viewpoint can be maintained in modern-day politics. Democrats are retiring or choosing not to run in record numbers
in 2022. So far, over seventeen members of congress said they plan to return to being private citizens or plan to run for other offices. This could impact the mid-term elections and find Democrats fighting for control in November. Brown understands the challenges ahead and knows that all things Democrat are currently under attack. She is going to have to deal with the questionable redistricting in Ohio and the numerous legal fights in the courts over voting rights. “Its important that the federal government get involved because we have seen of the 40-plus states that there are over 400 bills on the table, across the country, which are very much attacking our voting rights,” Brown said. “It’s making access to voting harder instead of easier for those who need to vote the most.” The House has already addressed the issue and now it sits before the Senate to impact all the proposed bills that might change how America votes in the upcoming election. Brown enters national politics at a time where divisiveness is the norm, working across the isle is gone, and the average American is tone-deaf when it comes to thinking Washington can have influence anymore. With all of that on the table, how can anyone expect Brown to maintain such a hopeful outlook on life and her job. We have seen what politics does to those after serving. Presi-
Shontel Brown is a graduate of John Adams High School in Cleveland, Ohio.
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[ COVER ]
CODE M / DECEMBER 2021 27
BUSINESS
28 DECEMBER 2021 / CODE M
[ COVER ] dent Barak Obama went into office with black hair, full of ideas about how he was going to make the world a better place. And while his presidency will go down as one of the best in American history, when he ended his term eight years later, we saw a grey and battered president who became more realistic about what he could do rather than the dreamer who was the first Black President of the United States. If Brown is going to protect herself from the hard-knocks dealings of politics, she will need a solid foundation to keep her centered. “I have a wonderful family around me. They keep me grounded and happy that I am just a person, from Cleveland, who is lucky enough to serve. I have constant reminders from my nieces and friends that when I need to remember where I came from, that there are people in my life who I can turn to for laughter, hugs, and prayers,” Brown said. Along for the ride with Brown is “Team Telli,” her childhood friends who maintain constant contact with her. Finally, Brown has a deep-rooted relationship with her church and God and gives Him all the glory for where she is today. All we can hope for is a better 2022 than what we experienced over the last two years. For the people of Northeast Ohio, we can say we have someone looking out for us in Washington, and here at home as well. ●
CODE M / JANUARY 2022 29
[ LIFE ]
LIFE
SURVIVING IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE: PART II We examine what happens to the body and mind when going without sex for extended periods of time.
Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.
CODE M / JANUARY 2022 31
[ LIFE ]
A
t some point, all marriages suffer from a decline or stoppage of sex. For those couples who find a way back to physical touch, they continue to have marital bliss and happiness. But for those who fall deeper into a world of avoidance, dozens of physical and mental complications can arise that can cause serious problems. When two people enter a relationship, sex is one of the things that bonds them together emotionally. The feeling of finding a counterpart to share such an intimate connection releases hormones, like oxytocin and endorphins, that can help manage the effects of stress. Oxytocin has the added benefit of helping with sleep. People stop having sex for all kinds of reasons. For those who are single, they may want to wait until they find the right person. Others may want to wait until mar-
32 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M
riage before they engage in sex. Being busy can also be a reason why people have reduced sex lives, and finally some people simply choose to stop having sex altogether. Believe it or not there are complications that can come from a lack of sex that can impact the body and mind outside of the bedroom. Let’s examine what happens to the body when people go long-term with no physical intimacy. STRESS AND ANXIETY If you and your partner reduce how much you have sex, you might feel less connected to them, which means that you’ll possibly begin to distrust them, look for false reasons to blame them for a lack of touch and connection and simply ignore important conversations, which might make matters worse. This leads to mental stress
and anxiety for both of you. This adds to the day-to-day life stressors that can contribute to an overall experience of feeling overwhelmed by tasks that would otherwise be simple to manage. MEMORY Research is in the early stages, but some studies have shown that people who have sex often are better at recalling memories. And there are signs that sex can help your brain grow neurons and work better in general. COMMUNICATION HEALTH Regular sex helps you feel emotionally close to your partner, which opens the door to better communication. Couples who have sex more
[ LIFE ]
CODE M / DECEMBER 2021 33
[ LIFE ] often tend to say they are happier than those who get less of it. “I know for a fact that when my partner and I have intimacy, we communicate better, and we’re much more in tune with keeping the peace” Cindy from Warrensville said. “When we have long periods without sex, we begin to struggle communication-wise.” There is no magic number for the number of times a couple needs to have sex for a balanced sex life. Some couples enjoy sex three times a week, while others may only need sex once a week to feel connected. The answer all depends on the needs of the couple and what they agree on. TOUCH Professionals are challenged on just how much physical touch is necessary for a human to live a stress-free life. The theory on touch is broad, but studies have concluded that the human body craves physical touch to survive. When you don’t get enough physical touch, you can become stressed, anxious, or depressed. As a response to stress, your body makes a hormone called cortisol. This can
cause your heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension, and breathing rate to go up with bad effects for your immune and digestive systems. Physical touch is apart of a healthy sex life. PHYSICAL HEALTH Regular sex can help your body fight off illness, so having it less often might lead to more colds and the like. In one study, college students who had sex one to two times per week were shown to have higher levels of a certain antibody (called immunoglobulin A) that plays an important role in your immune system. Couples who enjoy multiple sexual encounters a week often find that they have a desire to keep their physical appearance up to date. Keeping their bodies healthy has all kinds of benefits as people age. Constant exercise increases blood flow, which is one of the major factors for men when hoping to stay sexually active. FEMALE BENEFITS FROM CONSISTENT SEX
If you are a woman who’s gone through menopause, you have another reason to keep having sex. Without regular intercourse, your vagina can tighten, and its tissues can get thinner and be more likely to get injured, tear, or even bleed during sex. This can be so uncomfortable that women with these symptoms avoid having sex, which can make it worse. Changes related to menopause, such as vaginal dryness and irritation, can be treated with lubricants, moisturizers, or low-dose estrogen. Continued sexual activity can help regulate the body and allow you to have better experiences in the bedroom. MALE BENEFITS SISTENT SEX
FROM
CON-
For men, how often they have sex may be linked to their chances of getting prostate cancer, but the evidence is mixed. Some experts think that sex might raise your
A lack of sex can cause all kinds of mental and physical problems.
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[ LIFE ] odds, by exposing you to sexually transmitted diseases that lead to inflammation. But in one large study of almost 30,000 men, those who said they ejaculated more than twenty-one times a month on average had lower chances of prostate cancer during their lifetimes, compared with those who ejaculated four to seven times a month. There are dozens of other reasons why couples should continue to engage in sexual activity. One can hope that people find the time and space to engage in healthy and productive lives, which includes intimacy on all levels. ●
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[ LIFE ]
THE UGLY
DUCKLING
GETS THE GIRL
We try to understand why seemingly attractive women are choosing to date plain-looking men with an unbeautiful exterior. by Bolling Smith
T
here is no arguing that something is going on in the world of dating. There are increasing examples of beautiful women dating men with less than perfect physical features. Let’s face it, women have always been in control of who they choose to date, marry, and sleep with. And most of society has understood that there is a pecking order on who should end up with whom. Anyone, on a scale of 1 – 10, who is deemed between an 8 and 10 should only consider being with someone who is also an 8 to 10. Those unfortunate souls who fall below a five should remain
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amongst their own and only consider dating their own kind. But every now and then, the script gets flipped and we see a gorgeous ten walking down the street with a three.
Well, that script is starting to become the norm because the two worlds of the beautiful and ugly are mixing more than ever. Women are taking a hard look at who makes them happy — and more, they are finding that the guy with the least looks, has more to offer and makes them happier. Here are the reasons why attractive women are dating ugly duckling men. ATTRACTIVE MEN CHEAT Women are fed up with guys who aren’t loyal.
[ LIFE ]
“I have dated incredibly attractive men whose eyes seem to follow every woman as she passes us. I never felt like those guys were truly listening to anything I had to say,” Brooklyn commented. “For me, the regular guy paid way more attention to me than the guy who looked good.”
be the way to go. AVERAGE GUYS WORK HARDER TO IMPRESS When Sara went on a date with an attractive man, she felt like she was competing with whatever hottie was
“I have dated incredibly attractive men whose eyes seem to follow every woman as she passes us. I never felt like they were truly listening to anything I had to say.” Brooklyn commented. Women are finding that guys with more choices tend to exercise those choices meaning that its only a matter of time before they do something to ruin the relationship. Women are starting to draw the conclusion that dating a guy who only seems to care about the next fling, hearing his own voice, or cares about his looks more than her may not
around. Her date never really made her feel like she was the center of attention, so she knew there was nothing there. “I dated a guy shorter than me for a change and he made me feel wonderful,” Sara explained. CODE M / JANUARY 2022 37
[ FASHION ]
“He did everything he could to please me. We had a really fun time because he focused all of his attention on me and that felt great!” Women want to feel like the center of attention, and they feel like less attractive men spend way more time trying to please them. They do the things that make their dates happy because they know they’re dating above what they should be dating so they don’t want to mess that up. UGLY DUCKLING MEN ARE LOYAL The consensus is that ugly men don’t cheat. According to a national study, attractive men are 38% more likely to cheat, because they can, and that’s a problem. Women are learning to trust those statistics and pick men who will be loyal. Loyal men are more basic guys who have the characteristics that women covet. Those characteristics start with loyalty and include thoughtfulness, kindness, and patience. The last characteristic of an ugly duckling man is happiness. He is typically happier because the attractive woman chose him. So, he’ll
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[ LIFE ]
create a situation where they are both happy in the relationship because he feels lucky to have her. UGLY DUCKLING MEN HAVE BETTER SEX What ugly men lack in looks they seem to make up for it in the bedroom. Because they have to compensate, they tend to perform better in the sack. “Some of the best sex I’ve ever had was with a man that didn’t look to good,” Claudia said. “I’ve dated bald men, fat men, and short men. Good looking guys just don’t seem to be into as many positions or me for some reason.” Ugly men seem to want to pleasure their partners on a level that makes them desirable long-term, and thus create a healthy, meaningful relationship. Women want to feel desired, and they need their men to pay attention to them. The men who do this the best are often the men who appreciate them. Let’s face it, there isn’t enough Botox or plastic surgery in the world that can beat Mother Nature. Beautiful women want to know at the end of the day that a man wants her for who she is inside, as well as what’s on the outside. If the right man can make her feel special, she’s going to gravitate towards him. Attractive men need to learn to respect and cater to every aspect of a woman. Without that, they will continue to lose to the ugly duckling. ●
From top to bottom: Examples of what Americans would consider to be a mismatch in dating.
America was surprised when it was announced that Kim Kardashian was dating comedian Pete Davison.
CODE M / JANUARY 2022 39
HEALTH
A Multivitamin just for African Americans? Your Genetic Sequence is Why The majority of the population, that most vitamin companies naturally target, have nutritional needs that are substantially different.
W
hich multivitamin should I take? As a physician, I get this question multiple times a day, every day. Sequence Multivitamins were designed to meet the needs of African American men, women, and the unique needs of older adults. Because my patient practice is 90 percent African American, the vast majority are severely vitamin D deficient. In fact, four out of five African Americans are vitamin D deficient compared to less than one in three White Americans. Vitamin D deficiency is associated with increasing diabetes, hypertension, prostate cancer, breast cancer, colon cancer,
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Written by GREGORY L. HALL, MD Gregory L. Hall, MD is the founder and CEO, Sequence Multivitamins. He specializes in medicine for African Americans that helps create more balance in their daily diets. www.sequencevitamin.com
and more. African Americans have the highest risk for all of these diseases. Other vitamin deficiency patterns exist as well in Black Americans. A study conducted at Duke University Medical Center found that in African Americans, but not Whites, lower levels of beta-carotene and vitamin C were significantly associated with increased heart problems and increased cancer. Interestingly, there are also significant risks and poor health outcomes associated with certain vitamins. Vitamin E was studied in over 130,000 people and those that took 400 IU (the most common supplement dose) or higher, had an overall higher risk of dying from any cause.
[ LIFE ]
Vitamin E supplements were also shown to significantly increase the risk of prostate cancer in healthy men. Given that African Americans have the highest death rate of any racial/ethnic group in the United States (including prostate cancer), taking a vitamin that potentially increases these already bad outcomes makes no sense. Unlike most other multivitamins, Sequence Multivitamins for African American has no vitamin E. Vitamin K is critical for normal blood clotting, but African Americans have an increased risk of forming bad blood clots after surgery that are associated with strokes, heart attacks, and DVT’s (deep vein thrombosis). Therefore, additional vitamin K in a multivitamin for this population should also be avoided. Unlike most other multivitamins, Sequence Multivitamins has no vitamin K. Magnesium has also been shown to improve diabetes control and stabilize blood vessels. Sequence Multivitamins are fortified with magnesium. Potassium has shown benefits in heart rhythm stability and blood pressure control. There has been data that suggests African Americans have lower potassium levels overall, which could be related to the increased incidence of diabetes. Potassium is helpful in preventing heart or stroke problems. Sequence Multivitamins has added potassium. As you can see, a good deal of thought went into the formula for Sequence Multivitamins making them the single best multivitamins for African Americans. Make your New Year’s resolution to replace the vitamins and minerals you need to put you in position for a healthy and happy 2022. Go to SequenceVitamin.com to order your bottle. ● CODE M / DECEMBER 2021 37
FASHION
ADDING FIRE TO YOUR
BLAZER GAME
The changes in how we live means a change in how we dress. Gone are the days of full suits. Today, people are dressing in more comfortable fashions designed to make a statement and showcase their personality at the same time.
Written by LARON HARLEM A wardrobe shopper, stylist and accessories designer who specializes in dapper looks that truly appeal to the most discerning eye. mailto:styledbydecarlo@gmail.com, https://www.styledbydecarlo.com/
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PHOTO: Bradley Candie
There was a time when men dressed in a full suit and top hat. They wore those fashions because that’s what men did back in the ‘40s and ‘50s. But today is a different time. The world is a different place, and the word “fashion” means something different. Gone are the days of blacks and boring. Nowadays, men are allowed to express themselves through their clothes. They’re allowed to bring something more to the table. Blazers create the mood and the look for today by being more than just a jacket. Blazers are an extension of the man and his spirit.
[ FASION ]
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[ FASHION ]
Brian Walker is wearing a salmon jacket with bright blue pants and a demin StyledbyDecarlo bowtie. Finishing it off are burdendy shoes
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[ FASHION ] PHOTO: Bradley Candie
Bold fashions are for those who desire to not be defined. Today, colors exude confidence. Bradley Candie is sporting fine line black and white pants while boldly sporting a blazer by Amen Trends for days. The color scheme here is all 2022 and daring, with a touch of class. Fine for a date or whatever fun you can get into.
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[ BUSINESS FASHION ]]
Brian Walker is wearing a checkered blazer with classic elbow protectors. He’s sporting a classic look with wingtip shoes while sporting denim jeans to complete the look. PHOTO: Brian Walker
The color scheme here is all 2022 and daring, with a touch of class. Fine for a date or whatever fun you can get into. Color pattern choices mean confidence. Confidence means fun. Class and distinction come in more colors today than ever. Whether you are attending a wedding, business meeting or just dinner with your favorite people, there has never been a better time to make a fashion statement.
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