CODE M Magazine 2022 November Issue

TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN

ISOLATION NATION

LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE The Source magazine founder, Dave Mays, is building another empire after launching his new podcast company, Breakbeat Media.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

LOOKING GLASS SELF

+

DISSECTING THE BLACK VOTE NOVEMBER 2022 ISSUE

[ CLE ]

22 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ]

[ NEWS ]

INSIDE

52

FALL/WINTER COATS JOSEPH: Model

Fall and winter represent a special time for fashion. Long coats and warm jackets bring out special designs and opportunities to look good doing it..

Bowtie by Styledbydecarlo Photography by Dlyfephotollc

ON THE COVER

30

LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE The Source magazine founder, Dave Mays, is building another empire after launching his new podcast

company, Breakbeat Media.

10 MOVERS AND SHAKERS Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!

12 MAN CODES

20 NOT BLACK ENOUGH TO DATE

Voting.

Well-spoken, polite, and educated Black men are finding Black women do not find them Black enough to date, leaving them wondering if they should look outside their race for love.

14 FILLING THE GAPS

Talented people fail in business every day because they don’t understand all the departments it takes to run a company. If Erick Parker gets his way, no one will ever fail again.

16 LOOKING GLASS SELF The looking-glass self describes the process wherein individuals base their sense of self on how they believe others view them. Social media is killing our self identity.

25 ISOLATION NATION The urge to pull away and isolate is a common reaction when it comes to difficult emotions, including sadness, depression, shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, and even anger. It could signal that something significant is taking place in a child's internal and/or external world.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 5

[ INSIDE ] 38 THE POWER OF MEMBERSHIP

Becoming a member of a local Black Chamber is necessary for any minority business owner who expects to compete in today’s marketplace.

42 DISSECTING THE BLACK VOTE

50 R&B STILL LIVES If you listen to the radio long, enough you understand the lack of options for good music. Keith Brougham represents the song you have been missing.

4 NOVEMBER 2021 / CODE M

Blacks in America need to re-examine why we vote, and who we need to vote for to finally have our interests addressed and advanced from a political perspective.

48 DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF Simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series).

TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN

ENGINEER RADIO/PODCAST Kai Becker

PUBLISHER Bilal S. Akram

SOCIAL MEDIA Rachel Woods

PRESIDENT Brad J. Bowling SENIOR ADVISOR

Alexandria Johnson Boone MANAGING EDITOR David Christel PAGE EDITORS Anthony Kirby-Lifestyles Laron Harlem-Fashion Paris Lampkins-Movers & Shakers GRAPHIC DESIGN

Stiff Arm Media MEDIA COORDINATOR Paula D Morrison EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT To the PUBLISHER Ladonna “Lala” Dicks

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES David Williams Kevin Jones IT CONSULTANT Anthony Jones Digital Jetstream, LLC CONTRIBUTING WRITERS David Christel Anthony Kirby Brad J. Bowling Bolling Smith Bilal S. Akram Laron Harlem Leslie Logan Clinton Miller nce Burnley CODE MEDIA GROUP LLC STAFF

DIRECTOR OF RADIO/PODCAST

Sharif Akram

Anita Butler

Darrell Scott

RADIO/PODCAST HOSTS Darrell Scott Grace Roberts

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CODE M Magazine was created to be a guiding force in creating a dialogue for black men everywhere. Code M focuses on the conversations of advancement, mental health, career choices, the political landscape and relationships that define and shape the lives of black men everywhere.

Code M Magazine is published

by CODE MEDIA GROUP, LLC © 2022 All Rights Reserved

[ TRAVEL ]

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2021 9

MOVERS &

SHAKERS

Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!

ATTORNEY JEFFREY SAFFOLD Jeffrey Saffold has spent his career fighting for justice. With more than twenty-six years of legal experience, he is well-prepared for the bench.

Jeffrey’s legal career began in the Cuyahoga County Prosecutor’s office in 1996. He practiced law under the watchful eye of the late, Honorable Stephanie Tubbs Jones. As a prosecutor, Jeffrey protected the rights of victims.

He left the Prosecutor’s office in 1998 to form the Saffold Law Firm, a highly successful defense practice. He remains the principal of this firm.

Over the years, Jeffrey has handled thousands of cases at the munici-

10 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

pal, state, and federal levels fighting for the rights of people all across Cuyahoga County.

Jeffrey has seen unfairness and injustice and fought against it from both sides of the courtroom. He will bring a much-needed perspective to the Common Pleas bench. The Common Pleas bench is heavily loaded with judges who have transitioned directly from the Prosecutor’s office to the bench, without seeing things from the perspective of both the accused and the accuser. His experience will benefit the community and the Common Pleas bench.

[ MOVERS & SHAKERS ]

SHERRIE DEANS With extensive experience in philanthropy, financial services, and sports and entertainment, Sherrie Deans is a strategic change agent whose strong communication and interpersonal skills have solidified her reputation as an expert organization builder and connector of productive relationships.

As the former Executive Director for the National Basketball Players Association (NBPA) Foundation, Sherrie led the philanthropic efforts of the Union and supported the individual efforts of the 450 NBA players that make up its membership. Under her leadership, the Foundation, with assets of $40 million, built a grant portfolio that stretched across the United States and 20 countries worldwide.

SAM PREWITT Sam "SP" and/or "King Cool," Prewitt is a 14-year media executive and radio personality at Urban One, along with being a motivational speaker, and a community activist. Hailing from Warrensville Heights, SP is a graduate of Ohio Dominican University.

In 2015, SP’s life changed when he suffered a near-fatal heart attack at the age of 29.

SP is currently the Director of National Digital Partnerships at Urban One. As a corporate director, he is responsible for increasing and maximizing advertising revenue across the national and local radio On brands along with the Reach Media Digital networks through creative and unique ideas and campaigns. On the weekends, you can catch SP as King Cool, Sundays 2 pm - 4 pm on 93.1 WZAK.

ALEXIS PREWITT Alexis Prewitt is the founder and owner of Beneficial Refresh, a black -owned, woman-owned, cold-pressed juice company that delivers to your doorstep. She developed a passion for a healthy lifestyle and eating at an early age. Born and raised in Cleveland, OH, she remembers being raised in a household with bad eating habits, which led to her being overweight throughout her childhood. After realizing these foods had negative effects on her body, she started her healthy lifestyle journey.

Alexis created Beneficial Refresh to provide underserved communities, people of color, and people unfamiliar with proper nutrition and nutrients that are beneficial and serve as a refresh to the body through fruits and vegetables in the form of delicious-tasting juices.

Alexis's ultimate goal is to provide everyone with more "access to life,” one juice at a time.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 11

START

President Barak Obama

MAN CODES:

VOTING

The Fifteenth Amendment was passed by Congress and ratified during the Reconstruction Era, when the progressive wing of the Republican Party dominated Congress during the decade following the end of the U.S. Civil War. The Reconstruction era was noteworthy in that African American men were not only granted voting rights but even won several seats in Congress. Hiram Revels and Blanche Bruce became the first African Americans to be elected to the U.S. Senate, representing the state of Mississippi.

After their terms in office the next Black person elected to the Senate was Edward Brooke of Massachusetts, nearly a century later in 1967. – National Archives "Not voting is not a protest. It is a surrender." – Keith Ellison "There's no such thing as a vote that doesn't matter."

– President Barack Obama “Voting is the expression of our commitment to ourselves, one

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Compiled by Bilal S. Akram

another, this country, and this world.” – Sharon Salzberg "People shouldn't be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people." – Alan Moore "Talk is cheap, voting is free; take it to the polls."

– Nanette L. Avery “We do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.”

– President Thomas Jefferson "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." – Plato Romans 13:1 “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established

by God.” NIV

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 13

[ START ]

FILLING THE GAPS

Erick Parker

Talented people fail in business every day because they don’t understand all the departments it takes to run a company. If Erick Parker gets his way, no one will ever fail again.

Y

You hear it all the time. “Turn your side hustle into a real business.” People attempt to launch their special skills, love for an industry, or their passion into a business. But annually, over 70 percent of businesses fail due to either a lack of funding or an understanding of what it takes to maintain and grow a business.

Erick Parker, the President of Global Business Consultants, understands the problems new companies face and has a solution.

“We help companies use their profit and loss statement as a tool to better manage their business so they can increase their cash flow,” Parker explained. “A lot of companies we encounter don’t have a good understanding of what their profit margin is, or what they are really making so they can make decisions to grow

16 NOVEMBER2022 2021//CODE CODEMM 14 NOVEMBER

Written by ANTHONY KIRBY Anthony T. Kirby is the Lifestyle Editor for CODE M Magazine and has spent over 30 years in the menswear industry. He lives in Philadelphia, PA where he is the Creative Director for FINICKEY, an online men's haberdashery brand. (https://finickey.us)

their business.”

The John Adams High School graduate started Global Business Consultants after he spent over thirty years owning and running various businesses himself. Over that period, Parker has dealt with just about every growth pain a company can experience and knew he could help others overcome their issues when starting a business.

“We come in and evaluate where gaps might exist for a company and provide solutions to help them become whole so they can thrive and grow the right way,” Parker stated.

Global Business Consultants helps companies with: •

Partnership agreements

•

Payroll issues

[ START ] •

Financing issues

•

Leases and rents

•

Bookkeeping

•

Legal issues

•

Process improvement

with companies that earn $100,000 to 5 million.

The company will also help create the right business plan so anyone interested in getting a business loan can apply for one.

Parker’s company recently helped a company renegotiate their lease because they were overpaying their rent and knew if something was not done, that they would be out of business.

CLE STRONG

“When we met with the company and finished our free assessment, we realized that they needed to adjust their spending to realize a profit. If they didn’t, they were going to be in debt, and out of business, if something didn’t change. So, we went to work, and worked with their landlord to reduce the rent,” Parker said.

It can be said that you need several skill sets to run a business.

Those who run small businesses must be efficient at sales, billing, recordkeeping, social media, IT, and legal, and be excellent at human resources.

And today, picking the right employees can make or break a business. Parker understands that and helps companies determine what kind of talent they should want and seek out.

The problem most companies run into is that they don’t know when to reach out to get help from an expert. Minority business owners especially need to understand where the gaps are and fill them as quickly as possible.

Because there are so many different factors involved in running a successful business, business owners need to be aware that there are options out there that can help them determine what is missing and help them fill those holes with sound advice and options.

Parker’s passion is helping people fulfill their goal of taking their talent and making money with it.

“I love what I do, and I love helping people,” Parker said. “With me being in business for so long myself, I know what it feels like to get sued. I understand what it’s like to have to produce payroll every other week. I know how hard it is to find people who are a good fit for my business.”

That kind of experience is used to help other people avoid the kinds of mistakes that Parker made during his career as a business owner.

“People don’t have to suffer from bad business decisions, because I have done it for them,” Parker explained. “We can see around the corner, and a lot of times help our clients avoid making a potentially bad decision that could negatively affect their business.”

Anyone who has a business needs to know that companies, like Global Business Consultants, are out there to help fill the gaps. A person’s side hustle can become a winning business with the right consulting.

Erick Parker and Global Business Consultants offer free discovery sessions at https://globalconsultants.us/contact, or you can call 330-414-4145 to schedule an appointment. ●

Global Business Consultants can be hired for a month, a year, or on a permanent basis depending on what is needed at the time. They offer free consulting sessions with companies that want to understand where there is a deficiency.

Parker, who studied at the University of Akron, works

Erick and Tracy Parker are the proud parents of two beautiful girls.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 15

LIFE

LOOKIN GLAS SEL The looking-glass self describes the process wherein individuals base their sense of self on how they believe others view them. Social media is killing our self-identity.

I

dentity — it’s safe to say that humans are incredibly complex beings capable of extraordinary acts of beauty and love, as well as horrendous acts of cruelty and hate. Within that vast spectrum of expression lies a multitude of behaviors, each derived through our emotions, wants, needs, beliefs, values, and life experiences. And all of that is affected by family, cultural conventions, and society at large.

Written by DAVID CHRISTEL David has been ghostwriting books for well-known people since 1995. He is also the author of Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.

the world, wanting to feel secure in who we feel ourselves to be, and wanting to be accepted and valued by the world around us.

How we go about achieving those drives is what has changed and, thus, changed us and our behavior.

In 1902, Charles Cooley, an American sociologist and one of the founding members of the American Sociological Association, coined the term “looking glass self.” The theory was derived from Cooley’s approach based on social interactions. Basically, As the centuries go by, humans don’t seem to change that much. “looking glass self” considers that humans form their self-image We’re still living out the same drives: seeking a sense of place in based on how they may be perceived and judged by others. We

16 NOVEMBER 2021 / CODE M

NG SS LF

[ LIFE ] modify our character and behavior in order to be accepted, fit in, and gain access to levels of work and society.

There are inherent problems with this process.

• We lose sight of our authentic self in order to please or not please others.

• We’re easily manipulated by others to warrant our inclusion in their circles.

• We modify or jettison our beliefs, values, and principles in order to be included.

• We are no longer our own master, but a puppet or slave to others’ desires and agendas.

• We lose sight of ethics and morality because other people’s opinions of us take precedence.

It's a natural process we all employ to varying degrees. Today, though, that process has skyrocketed to a whole new level all because of technology. When this really began to take off was with the advent of movies. Movie stars’ images were enhanced through the artifice of film and the studio marketing machinery. Movie magazines and newsreels fed us a steady diet of fluff that we readily ate up and often believed.

We made movie stars larger than life and we wanted to be just like them.

Next came television, which brought all of that right into our homes 24/7. We were fed the same fodder, which became increasingly sophisticated. We readily ate that up, too, as more and more genres of television programs infiltrated our homelife.

as we spend less in-person time with other human beings.

How people perceive themselves now is based on how many “likes” they receive for their posts on a host of social media platforms and how many “followers” they have. To keep up with the competition, newer, more glitzy, more outrageous screenshots, videos, and podcasts are posted. What we’re blind to is the fact that the farther we go down the rabbit hole of social media addiction, the more disconnected we become from ourselves and others.

A 2017 study in the American Journal of Preventative Medicine found that the more time a person spends online leads to a greater sense of isolation and depression. That report came out five years ago and in that span of time, Internet use has continued to increase. We now have “influencers” with huge numbers of followers hawking everything under the sun and driving sales in every sphere from fashion to guns to sex.

What we also have is a large number of “reality” TV shows that people either strive to be on or emulate no matter how poorly acting and disrespectful the contestants or cast members are.

It’s simply considered “entertainment,” though we’re seeing more and more of the outlandish behavior that’s exhibited on these shows appearing throughout all levels of society and in all arenas. What we’re talking about here is egos run amuck.

Amazingly, all of this is about one thing: being seen and heard.

The isolation we’re experiencing is flipped and put on a worldwide stage where we’ll say and do anything — for likes, money, and fame — without having to deal with anyone face-toface. And even when we’re with someone in-person, the behavior we exhibit online is leaking into all our communications.

Our next step involves Artificial Intelligence (AI). The movie Her is a great commentary on what we’re seeing occur in soci-

Then came the advent of computers and, eventually, the Internet and smart phones. Social media and apps quickly became the primary means of interaction. We’ve eaten that up big time, so much so that how we communicate with each other has degraded to the point of using acronyms instead of words, emojis to convey feelings, and our compassion quotient has sunk to new lows

Spending too much time online creates a false sense of identity for people.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 17

[ START]

18 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

ety: people opting to interact with an AI avatar — which won’t have uncomfortable discourse with you, and which will remain unemotional — rather than human beings who are often emotional, can make you very uncomfortable, and in today’s world, oftentimes become volatile.

It really makes one wonder just what kind of society we’ve turned into and where we’re headed.

•

We’re so worried about what people are going to think of us and how they’ll judge us that we’ve become fragile facsimiles of ourselves.

•

Our communication has sunk to that of people who are perpetually anxious, angry, fearful, petulant, insulting, cruel, and defensive.

•

People now leapfrog over reasoned decision making to enact violence at the drop of a hat.

•

We then retreat into our isolated cocoons to stew and fret and emotionally dig ourselves ever deeper into our morass of unhappiness, frustration, anger, fear, and despair.

We need to take a look at ourselves, take a hard look at the person we see in the mirror. Who are we anymore? Are we still ourselves or an amalgamation of ever-changing fads and trends, dissociated social media “friendships,” faux societal principles and

values based on fandom, and hobbled together character qualities and behaviors to ensure visibility and celebrity?

Our world is only going to get better if we stop and take stock of just what the heck we’re doing to ourselves. Basically, it means re-aligning ourselves with what truly matters and what the overall purpose of life is — which isn’t money, fame, power, and control. Those things are really just highly enticing distractions that we’ve been misled to believe are everything we should strive for in life. The reality is that none of them, in and of themselves, lead to true happiness, peace, and one’s real identity.

Identity is something we all struggle with our entire lives. To find out who we truly are, we need to go within ourselves to find the answers we’re seeking. The answers are not to be found in the external world of human distractions, foibles, insecurities, addictions, and dramas. Those can only provide us with meaningless experiences and sometimes insights. The key is found in how we perceive those experiences and what we choose to do with them.

As always, the choice is ours as to how we want to comport ourselves in life and the meaningfulness to which we want to aspire. The world needs more light — let your true light shine! ●

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 19

[ LIFE ]

NOT BLACK ENOUGH TO DATE Well-spoken, polite, and educated Black men are finding Black women do not find them Black enough to date, leaving them wondering if they should look outside their race for love.

by Leslie Logan

W

hen Denver Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson was growing up, he struggled to attract Black women. Wilson felt like his, what some would call nerdy, personality was simply unattractive to the Black women he attempted to date. Wilson found that white women accepted his well-spoken quirkiness and ended up marrying a white woman.

After Wilson entered the NFL and ended his first marriage, he met Ciara Princess Harris. After divorcing rapper Future, Ciara and Russell found love and married after a year of dating. The couple has become a conversation in the Black community on

20 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

whether dating the nice Black guy is fun or boring.

“I can totally relate to the Russell Wilson conversation,” said Brian. “I have had Black women tell me that I was too nice to date and they didn’t want to go on a second date with me.”

So, what defines not being Black enough: •

Polite

•

Kind

•

Reserved

•

Well-spoken

•

Limited/non-drinker

[ LIFE ]

•

Educated

These are the adjectives used to define Black men who seem to struggle to attract Black women. Young Black men have stopped pursuing certain kinds of women because the consistent response is they aren’t exciting enough to date.

“I even had a white woman, who was used to dating Black men, tell me that I was the whitest Black guy she had ever met,” Rick exclaimed. “We dated a few times but, ultimately, she seemed to be more attracted to the bad boys than me.”

Dating in 2022 is posing all kinds of problems for the av-

erage, well-spoken Black man. The growing trend around the country seems to be dating the guy who will pay the bill. Or date the bad boy who treats women badly or dates multiple women at one time.

Gone is the interest in the average guy who goes to work, wants a monogamous relationship, and dates with purpose. This trend is making men rethink who they want to date, or what race of woman they want to date.

Men are easily outnumbered by women in America. But increasingly, they are finding that the demands of the modern woman are not attractive for marriage. It was recently suggested that Black, American men may want to venture outside the US to find CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 21

[ LIFE ] a wife.

One reel on the internet was recorded by a Black man who took a Black woman on a date. During the reel, she indicated that if he wanted to date her, he would have to pay up to keep a woman like her. She mentioned paying about $1,000 a month to date her.

“I saw that reel and another like it where a couple was sitting in a nice car. The female told the guy that he would need to pay her rent if he expected to date her,” Jason said. “If it had been me, there is no way I would do that for someone. I have my own rent to pay. And I’m looking for a real partner.”

According to the latest statistics, men are leaving the US to find love in Eastern countries where women still believe in traditional relationships.

“I know of some men who went to Indonesia specifically to get a wife,” Chris said. “One guy seemed so defeated by the demands of American women. He just wanted a traditional, humble life with a caring partner. He told me that the women he had met in America were like leeches [his words].”

“In the West, women have good jobs and make good money. A great many of them don’t want to get married, or, if they do, they

want a guy who is rich, tall, handsome, young, and with a great position and high salary. Many are feminists, they become lesbians, and many just treat men badly,” Jose said.

“This leaves a lot of average guys without girlfriends or wives.

Also, if a guy is over a certain age, such as over thirty, no younger woman will date him. Thus, there is a surplus of men.

Also, divorce rates are high and are initiated in large part by women who just want a better man,” Jose concluded.

FINDING THE RIGHT MATCH There are no easy solutions when it comes to finding love. The dating pool, while incredibly large, has become such a niche scenario that people no longer seem to want to explore each other’s differences anymore. While dating apps are useful, they also provide a quick out for those who get bored quickly or judge too harshly.

If men are not going to physically pursue women while they’re at a seminar, networking event, or even a grocery store, this leaves extraordinarily few options for two people to get to know each other.

Those in the dating market are going to have to produce new ways to find and meet the right people who are willing to give the relationship time to develop into something real.

Set a three-date minimum so the relationship has time to develop. Build a friendship first so both you and your potential partner have the space to listen and adjust to each other. The world is a busy place, so take the time to discover the answers to all your questions.

Russell Wilson eventually found a Black woman who saw and accepted him for who he was. It reminds us that love is out there, we may just have to be a little more patient to find it. ●

Black men say that sometimes they are not Black enough for certain Black females to date.

22 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ]

Johnathan and Tracey Webb

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 23

[ HEALTH ]

24 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

ISOLATION NATION The urge to pull away and isolate is a common reaction when it comes to difficult emotions, including sadness, depression, shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, and even anger. It could signal that something significant is taking place in a child's internal and/or external world.

by Bolling Smith

T

here is something going on with Generation Z. Gen Z refers to people born between 1995 and 2010. The “Z” in the name means “zoomer,” as this is the first generation known to “zoom” through the Internet. Most of those who are a part of Gen Z are the children of Generation X.

Gen Z kids are the first generation to be born after the Internet was invented. It’s believed that this generation is unlike any before it. They have access to everything.

They can search for any answer and therefore have the most insight into life, earlier than any generation before them.

This “view the world from my bedroom mentality,” can offer a level of isolation because they spend so much time on their phone, alone. They feel connected to the world, but they are disconnected — disconnected from touch, human interaction, and intimacy resulting in a lack of interpersonal communication skills.

THE INTERNET EFFECT Gen Z, the first generation never to know the world without the Internet, values diversity and finding their own unique

identities, says Stanford scholar Roberta Katz.

Katz did over 120 interviews with people in the Gen Z age group and found them to be pragmatic. Katz concluded that Internet-related technologies have dramatically changed the speed, scale, and scope of human communications, resulting in significant changes in how people work, play, shop, find friends, and learn about other people.

For Gen Zers living in the US and UK (the two places they studied), the “norm” they experienced as children was a world that operated at speed, scale, and scope. They developed an early facility with powerful digital tools that allowed them to be self-reliant, as well as collaborative.

Similarly, because they could learn about people and cultures around the globe from an early age, they developed a greater appreciation for diversity and the importance of finding their own unique identities.

So, Gen Zers, while smarter and more aware of the world around them, also tend to feel like they don’t need to venture out as much because they’ve seen so much so early.

VIDEO GAMES AND EMPATHY CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 25

[ LIFE ] One systematic review from 2017 links excessive gaming to psychological conditions such as depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), particularly in young adults and adults.

Excessive gaming! Parents all over the country are struggling to get their teenage boys off video games. Kids today spend hour after hour playing first-person shooting games. No one really understands the impact of this excessive behavior. But everyone can agree that with so much time spent in front of a TV playing games, the kids aren’t getting the necessary socialization skills that they need to mature into independent, healthy, and functioning adults.

“My son spends so much time playing video games, he has no desire for girls, driving the family, or anything else that seems normal to me,” Amanda said.

ment, and they aren’t growing to understand the responsibilities of good citizenship that includes real-life experiences.

ISOLATION COMES AT A COST Humans are wired to be communal and connected with others. So, when we become socially isolated from others, it can affect our mental health. Therefore, it’s extremely important to take notice when a child withdraws from family and friends. It could signal that something significant is taking place in the child’s internal and/or external world.

Here are some causes to pay attention to if your child decides to be too self-isolated: •

Child's thought: “I’m not like the other girls. I’m not good enough.”

Christine said, “My son won’t even come out of the room to eat. I have to take food into him just to get him to eat.”

Additionally, there have been studies that show kids who excessively play video games lack empathy toward others. This is creating a numbing effect were boys who feel bullied, isolated, and lonely might react and cause pain to classmates.

School shootings are often committed by teenagers who feel ignored or hurt by family, peers, and the community. Psychologically, these teens aren’t developing properly based on a lack of touch from another person (mother, father, sibling, partner), they lack quality friendships that offer support and encourage-

Event: Being bullied about their appearance:

Child’s feelings: Shame and self-consciousness.

Child’s reaction: Isolating from other children and avoiding those bullying her.

•

Event: Recent loss of a loved one or relationship (e.g., a death, a parent’s divorce, a breakup, a close friend moving away): Child's thought: “This hurts so much and isn’t getting better.”

Child’s feelings: Sadness and grief.

Child’s reaction: Avoiding activities and social connections.

• Event: Reminders of past traumatic events where they were in danger or witnessed danger: Child's thought: “I’m not safe. People are dangerous.”

Self-isolation can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts.

26 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

T CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 27

[ LIFE ] Child’s feelings: Fear and anxiety.

Child’s reaction: Avoiding people or situations related to specific fears.

Over time, social isolation will continue to feed into increased unhelpful and negative thoughts about self, others, and the world. It can lead to worsening feelings of depression, shame, anger, guilt, fear, and anxiety — and the possible onset or worsening of mental health concerns.

WHAT CAN BE DONE TO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM As a parent, teacher, or another important adult in a child’s life, once you notice patterns of protection and withdrawal, it’s time to engage and support the child. Here are a few ways you can help: •

Open a line of communication to give the child an opportunity to share with you what may be going on and leading to their isolation. With more information, you can help validate and support the root of the isolation and then move on to help problem-solve.

•

Encourage re-engagement with others in the classroom, on the playground, in clubs and groups, or through family activities.

Help create opportunities for engagement that are comfortable for the child. For example, a child who has been bullied and is experiencing low self-esteem is not likely ready for a huge party where they are the center of attention, but they may be ready to socialize with a close friend.

•

Consider finding additional support, including reaching out to a school counselor, school social worker, or mental health professional. Even if counseling or therapy is not yet necessary, these individuals may be able to help connect the child with helpful peer groups, mentors, or activities that are designed for emotional and social well-being.

Children today are growing up too fast. Their lives — highly interconnected via technology — might not be ready for the content they are getting at such an early age. Try to limit how much interaction they have on the Internet. Limit their hours to all activities that involve technology.

Kids who are active in sports spend significantly less amount of time online. They also develop real-life bonds with the other kids on the team, which leads to activities away from a computer or gaming system.

As parents, you can’t eliminate the Internet and gaming from your child’s life. With the proper restrictions and balance, you can expose them to a healthier amount of technology, which might give them a chance to grow up into more well-balanced individuals. ●

28 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ TRIBUTE ]

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 29

COVER

LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE

Cover and inside photos taken by Franklin Solomon.

30 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ COVER ]

The Source magazine founder, Dave Mays, is building another empire after launching his new podcast company, Breakbeat Media.

Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.

Cedric Nash is the founder of the Black Wealth Summit.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2021 31

[ COVER ]

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hen Dave Mays started The Source magazine in college at Harvard University, he dreamed of turning the single-page newsletter into a fullprint global magazine. But he had no idea that it would eventually be dubbed “The Bible of Hip-Hop” with over nine million readers. The initial $200 investment into The Source was supposed to feed Mays’ love for hip-hop. Instead, it fed millions of hip-hop lovers, turning Mays into an overnight success, proving lightning can strike for anyone who works hard enough.

net and worked to join the dot.com era. The 1990s saw the Internet as the next wonderful place to create wealth and fortune. The Source was no different. But the Internet proved to be an expensive and complicated business to navigate. Mays’ business struggled to find the same momentum, and The Source eventually failed like many other dot.com companies.

The Source Awards, the broadcast offspring of the publication, became one of the best awards shows on TV with all the trappings that success brings. The Source was at the center of the hiphop world, and its covers were blessed by the best in the business. Expansion was the only way to go for such a successful company.

At the time, Mays owned 100 percent of the company.

When he decided to go for the Internet, he got a loan for the expansion instead of taking an option to partner with a firm for a 50/50 split. When the .com business failed to take off, Mays was forced to turn to a private equity firm that invested money and refinanced the loan. Eventually, the firm took over the company and fired Mays. Mays lost everything.

As the empire expanded, Mays turned his attention to the Inter-

“The Source was my baby. I loved it and protected it with all my heart. But I made some bad financial decisions that ended up causing me to lose the company,” Mays said.

“I built a great company and had a team of great people, but delegating was not necessarily my strong suit. I worked twenty hours a day trying to do everything myself. And it hurt me that I really didn’t understand high finance,” Mays explained. “Because of some bad decisions, it cost me my company.”

Mays understands some of the mistakes he made and lives with those decisions today. One of the hardest things anyone can do is live with the failure of a decision night after night. But they say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Mays will be the first to admit that losing The Source in such a public way was humiliating.

Everyone knew his business, and he felt judged by everyone. Being in the public eye has its good points and bad points. It’s great when it’s all good, but it can literally suck the life out of you when it’s bad. Mays spent several years trying to figure out how it all went wrong and if he would ever be happy again.

Dave Mays and Queen Latifa back in the day.

32 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ COVER ]

Dave Mays now owns Breakbeat, a podcast streaming service for hip hop audiences.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 33

34 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ COVER ]

Dave Mays and rapper Nelly.

Then Mays met a woman who would change his life. Brett Jeffries provided perspective for Mays. She was a soft place to fall, allowing Mays to focus on something other than his lost company.

“After watching successful franchises be born out of the need for hip-hop in our lives, I thought about doing something like The Source, only using the latest technology to do it,” Mays said.

“When I met Brett, she changed my life. She got me away from some bad friendships and situations I was in. She got me to focus on good healthy decisions. She saved my life,” Mays said.

He learned from the mistakes he made at his first company and decided to reach out to Ashton, who understood the world of finance. The two formed a partnership, and Breakbeat Media was born.

Following a whirlwind courtship and times of long-distance love, Mays settled in Chicago, Jeffries’ native city, along with their dog Apollo Creed. Together, the family has built a happy life and a better situation. Life became fun again, and the future seemed possible. A couple of years ago, Mays was visiting family in Washington, DC, and ran into some friends who recommended that he meet Kendrick Ashton, a business and finance heavyweight and DC native.

Mays had an idea to take hip-hop digital. After watching the pandemic create increased revenue streams for video content, he decided to see if his love of hip-hop could once again birth an opportunity. Besides, the pandemic proved that content like Verzuz, where hip-hop artists would battle each other live through music, was an enormous success. Mays saw this as an opportunity to break into podcasting and technology through Cover hip-hop.

Breakbeat is a podcast network and technology company focusing on streaming and hosting podcasts about hip-hop and all things Black culture. The podcasts provide excellent hosts and offer the latest in hip-hop entertainment.

The https://breakbeatmedia.com/ website would soon play host to four amazing podcasts. Top Billin’, with host Bill Bellamy, has become widely recognized since it was launched several months ago. Don’t Call Me White Girl has topped the podcast charts and offers listeners a fresh take on life every week.

Several other shows on Breakbeat offer diversity in content and quality in material.

“We have done very well with the launch of Breakbeat,” Mays said. “It continues to grow, and we’re excited about the company's future.”

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 35

[ COVER ]

Ron Busby worked with President Barak Obama on increasing funding for Black businesses.

36 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ COVER ] He should be. Breakbeat currently has over 300,000 subscribers to its YouTube channel and is projected to grow to over one million in 2023. The platform has several new shows in the works. In January of 2023, the network will offer its first scripted podcast, an eight-part limited series based on the Unsigned Hype column that ran in The Source and is arguably most wellknown for discovering The Notorious B.I.G, among many more of today’s most prolific artists.

talented and innovative content creators. And we’re continuing to build Breakbeat to be the ultimate destination for the hip-hop community in the digital world,” Mays said.

As Mays takes Apollo for a walk on the busy streets of Chicago, he can relax and know that lightning can strike twice. Your life is more than your last mistake and being in love is the ultimate win. Lessons learned and lessons applied make the opportunity for success much easier. ●

“We’ve established a great home for some of the culture’s most

Unsigned Hype was a section in The Source Magazine that is still popular today.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 37

BUSINESS

Powered by the

THE POWER OF MEMBERSHIP Becoming a member of a local Black Chamber is necessary for any minority business owner who expects to compete in today’s marketplace.

by Clinton Miller 38 NOVEMBER 2021 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ]

T

here is a saying in life: “Safety in numbers.” In business, there is a new saying taking shape, “Membership has its perks.” Membership for minorities offers executive-level training, enhanced business training, and mentorship that is unparalleled by any standard.

Charles O’Neal, the Chairman of the Board of Directors for the US Black Chambers, Inc. is the ultimate champion of all things membership. O’Neal also serves as the President of the Texas Association of African American Chambers of Commerce.

“You become instantly competitive once you join a Chamber,” O’Neal said. “The people you meet and the opportunities you encounter are very powerful to any new business owner looking to grow their business.”

The US Black Chambers, Inc. is comprised of over two hundred local chambers and has over three hundred thousand members. Finding someone to either confide in or get valuable information from increases tremendously once you gain membership in any local organization.

Today, networking and expanding your brand have never been more important. For businesses looking to thrive, getting the right information is critical, and Chamber organizations already have done the work to provide those answers.

“I have an invoice for anyone who joins the Chamber,” O’Neal says jokingly. “Most Chambers have done the hard work of creating or providing the valuable information that businesses need to advance their agenda.”

And he is right. Local, regional, state and national chambers organizations have been around for over a hundred years and work within government and the private sector to make sure that certain individuals have a good seat at the table of economic growth.

brand, and himself, to make sure that any business owner who needs help gets it from the Chamber.

“There are thirty Black Chambers in the state of Texas. We all play a key role in representing Black businesses at the governmental level and in the private sector to ensure that regulations are made and set for anyone who needs it to compete at a high level,” O’Neal stated.

The Chambers also interface with financial institutions to ensure that businesses have access to capital. O’Neal says that economic power is the key for any Black business to succeed today.

“The beauty of belonging to a Chamber is you get to speak with some incredible people who have already been where you are going,” O’Neal said. “As business owners, if we can help you avoid some of the pitfalls you might run into while growing your business, then we have done our job.”

O’Neal’s proficiency in leading and providing mentorship is unmatched in the business world.

“I feel like I’m good once I know that you are good,” O’Neal said. “I have done my job, as a Chamber member, if I know that my efforts helped someone else out. That is what this is all about.”

Anyone who has attempted or is attempting to own a business understands O’Neal’s point. It takes so much energy and effort to make any business a consistent, money-producing operation that provides a great service or product while creating enough payroll to take care of employees and their families.

Over 70 percent of the businesses that start at the beginning

As a University of North Texas attendee, O’Neal understands the power of networking. He is constantly expanding his

Charles O’Neal and USBC President, Ron Busby.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 39

[ BUSINESS ] of the year will fail in the first twelve months of being open.

Working within a Chamber might reduce those numbers due to the amount of support these businesses get from joining a Chamber.

The Chambers are at their best when they can provide aid and guidance on: •

New policies impacting business

•

New laws

•

New upcoming projects

•

Opportunities to respond to RFPs (Request for Proposal)

•

Avoiding business landmines

•

Collective ideas that might impact business

Black Chambers understands that there is power in negotiating as a group. These organizations work tirelessly to ensure that any business that wants a seat at the table has a chair.

“What American corporate interests know is that the most dedicated consumer group on Earth are Black people,” O’Neal said. “We buy everything from orange juice to Adidas shoes.

So, if there is one thing that corporate America needs to understand is that they need to work with our Chambers to cre-

ate a path for us to succeed.”

O’Neal understands the need for Blacks and Black businesses to gain the economic power to create the political momentum for Black communities to enact the proper laws they need to win.

With the 2022 mid-term elections coming, O’Neal stresses the importance of working within a Chamber to make sure that work continues to be done for any company wanting to advance.

Voting is important, but more than voting is finding the right people to advance the Black agenda. Collectively understanding that is especially important for any Black person who wants to succeed in business.

There have been communities of color who have voted the same way for decades, but still don’t enjoy the benefit of their vote. O’Neal wants to hold our elected officials accountable by pressing them to change who gets government contracts.

Should every Black business join a Chamber to take advantage of all the things they have to offer? Yes! Until then, Charles O’Neal and countless Chamber leaders are there to help, guide, and work for you until you do succeed. ●

O’Neal believes that every Blackowned business should belong to a local Chamber.

40 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ COVER ]

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 41

POLITICS

DISSECTING THE BLACK VOTE Blacks in America need to re-examine why we vote, and who we need to vote for to finally have our interests addressed and advanced from a political perspective.

by Brad Bowling

42 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ POLITICS ]

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ith the federal government abandoning the responsibility to govern us all, the Black vote has never been more important. With over 13 percent of the total US population, Blacks need to change the way we vote to ensure that our collective agenda is discussed, passed, and placed into law.

To understand the choices Blacks need to make today, we need to go back and examine the Black vote in general.

Blacks originally voted republican. Because the Republican agenda represents freedom of choice, less government, and entrepreneurship, Black people voted red because it gave them options for a better life. Remember, the Democratic party

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 43

HEALTH

44 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ POLITICS ] heavily supported the Klu Klux Klan (KKK) and limited Blacks as much as possible.

It was not until the formation and unionization of organizations like the American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations (AFL-CIO) did Blacks begin to vote Democratic. If you wanted to work for a factory, you had to join a union. If you joined a union, you had to vote the way the union did. Unions from 1936 up until today stressed collective bargaining, as well as “average person” goals.

Blacks, moving to the north for a better life and more income, joined unions in droves thus changing how Blacks voted.

ed overwhelmingly Democratic. Then, as the divide increased between blue and red states, the circumstances for Black communities remained the same.

Poor, underfinanced, and void of any sustainable financial stability, Black communities have become bedroom cities, which means that there are no businesses, jobs, or incomegenerating options located where Blacks live.

Black people must venture outside their communities if they want to make a decent living. Jobs today are located far out in the suburbs. This means the tax base in Black neighborhoods remains low, the brain trust of Black talent leaves the community, and the vicious cycle of not investing

A powerful voting block comes from money. Money comes from economic prowess. If Black people never gain any economic power, our vote will never deliver a change for the entire community. Until Blacks come together to demand economic change, nothing will change.

Black Americans identified as Democrats about as often as they did Republicans. In 1948, President and Democrat Harry Truman made an explicit appeal for new civil rights measures from Congress, including voter protections, a federal ban on lynching, and bolstering existing civil rights laws. That year, the number of Blacks identifying as Democrats increased.

Fast forward to today. For the last eighty years, Blacks have vot-

in these communities continues.

WHY VOTING DEMOCRATIC IS NOT HELPING US To understand why the Black vote has not changed our circumstances, you need to understand who we are voting for. Blacks typically vote for the party, not the person. So, Blacks essentially continue to vote for the same result, no matter who the person is.

Exercise your right to vote on November 8th.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 45

[ POLITICS ] Every political season, Black people vote for the Democratic ticket, but that ticket does not change anything for the Black community. Mayor after mayor, government official after government official continues to allocate money the same way. This means that the Black community never gains any economic footing. The vote then becomes empty because without an economic gain —e.g., factories, better roads, jobs, businesses that create wealth — the Black community stays the same.

A powerful voting block comes from money. Money comes from economic prowess. If Black people never gain any economic power, our vote will never deliver a change for the entire community. Until Blacks come together to demand economic change, nothing will change.

Proof that the Black vote can impact an election was seen during the Barak Obama campaign. Blacks voted at their highest percentages ever during the Obama presidential run. Blacks elected Obama twice and it could be said, they saved America in 2020 when they overwhelmingly voted for President Joe Biden.

Those examples of the powerful Black vote are evidence that if Blacks come together, it can change the landscape of an election.

So, how should Black people vote?

The answer that this question is loaded with one single

option: MONEY! Money moves the needle. For the Black vote to matter, Blacks must pick the person, not the party. Blacks must pick people who are going to put money back into the Black community. The days of hoping for an anti-lynching bill are over.

Blacks need to demand that roads, buildings, businesses, and jobs are put back into the Black community.

Until the Black community resembles other economically viable communities, Blacks need to vote people into office who are committed to changing who attains the valuable government contracts that are handed out every year. Words no longer are enough for Black people to continue to vote for politicians who do nothing when in office.

Once Blacks find out that the politicians in office are not going to bring money to the Black community, they need to be voted out of office. Once Blacks find out who the judges are who don’t render fair and balanced verdicts, they need to be voted out of office. And finally, once Blacks find out which government officials are not working endlessly to bring about real change, they need to be voted out of office.

The conversation around the Black vote is a real one and will not be solved in one article. There needs to be a major discussion in the Black community about how to collectively use our vote.

Real change can happen once we decide to create that change.

Once Blacks have economic power, then, and only then, will November make a difference. ●

Blacks need to vote for the person, not the party.

46 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 47

BOOK

REVIEW

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

BOOK REVIEW

Simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series)

by Carlos Luiz small daily changes Carlson suggests, including advice such as “Choose your battles wisely”; “Remind yourself that when you die, your ‘in’ box will not be empty”; and “Make peace with imperfection.” With this book, you’ll also learn how to:

F

or whatever reason or another, life is just a little bit more stressful. People are walking around more on edge than ever before, and unruly behavior is at an all-time high. There must be a way for people to calm the mind, spirit, and body so things can get back to normal. The book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff … and It’s All Small Stuff, by author Richard Carlson, offers suggestions on how to reduce stress, enjoy the moment, and get back to the things that matter.

Life is busy. For so many people, the simple acts of visiting family, going for a long walk, or simply sitting still for a few minutes is a thing of the past. Today, society works all day, hurries from event to event, and suffers from a total lack of appreciation that we are alive. And this is making everyone crazy.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff shows you how to keep from letting the little things in life drive you crazy. In thoughtful and insightful language, Carlson reveals ways to calm down during your incredibly hurried, stress-filled life.

You can learn to put things into perspective by making the

48 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

•

Live in the present moment

•

Let others have glory at times

•

Lower your tolerance to stress

•

Trust your intuition

•

Live each day as if it might be your last

With gentle, supportive suggestions, Carlson reveals ways to make your actions more peaceful and caring, with the added benefit of making your life calmer, less stressful, and richer.

Calming the soul is so needed right now. Understanding that your problems will be there when you wake up, get back up and return to them but with a calm, focused mind.

There is also the other factor of making better decisions. The time it takes to recover from a bad decision takes twice as long as it used to. The art of avoiding bad decisions is learned over time, and with time come the lessons of not repeating past mistakes.

Dr. Carlson’s approach to remaining in a place of calm reduces the impulse to choose poorly and without a thoughtful perspective. His book is a reminder that time answers all questions, and life is best lived when the primary purpose is to enjoy it. So, begin with this excellent read, take the necessary steps to reduce stress, and begin the journey of living your best life. ●

[ LIFE ]

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 49

[ LIFE ]

MUSIC

R&B STILL LIVES

Keith Brougham

42 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ MUSIC ]

If you listen to the radio long enough, you understand the lack of options for good music. Keith Brougham represents the songs you have been missing.

by John Horton

W

riting his first song at eight years of age, Keith Brougham knew a long time ago that singing and writing is what he wanted to do.

However, Keith kept his true passion hidden and became a major record label executive for years. After losing his brother last year, he decided to keep his promise, to his brother and mom who died a year before his brother did.

That promise was to take his music seriously and make sure his brother’s kids are okay. Well, with five strong singles re-

leased since then, Keith Brougham is definitely keeping his promise as well as making R&B fans pay attention!

Born and raised in East Oakland, CA Keith Brougham is rooted in the West Coast sound, but he’s so much more than that with two current smashes just released and three previous singles that kicked the door down for him. “Beautiful Lady” is the Afrobeats hit that will make you dance, and the new Southern Soul Anthem “Ain’t No Bih In Me” is a guaranteed smash!

We got our introduction to Keith Brougham from his vibed out song titled “My Girlfriend,” which uses a Lucy Pearl sample that exploded with streams on all platforms!

The fact that we may have never ever met Keith Brougham is a tragedy that didn’t happen and both Brougham (BROHAM) and his fans alike are happy he believed in himself enough to share his gift. Welcome to the Keith Brougham show! ● Listen to Brougham’s latest song on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPsZ8GLRPNI

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 43

FASHION

FALL/ WINTER COATS Fall and winter represent a special time for fashion.

Long coats and warm jackets bring out special designs and opportunities to look good doing it.

Written by LARON HARLEM

A wardrobe shopper, stylist, and accessories designer who specializes in dapper looks that truly appeal to the most discerning eye. mailto: styledbydecar-lo@gmail.com, https://www.styledbydecarlo.com/

JEARLEAN TAYLOR: Model STYLISHLY VINTAGE: Designer

This amazing dress is ready for any occasion and designed perfectly for fall.

52 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

Today’s children can feel intense societal pressures and want to hide.

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 49

[ FASHION ]

TIFFANY: model STYLED BY DECARLO: Designer Fall weather means wet weather and this coat offers the ability to stay in fashion and dry at the same time.

54 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M

[ FASHION ]

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022 59

[ FASHION ]

AMY VITALE: Model Photography by Dlyfe Photo LLC Red is always an amazing color.

In the fall, red matches the leaves of the season and the warmth of the year.

56 NOVEMBER 2021 / CODE M

[ FASHION ]

CODE M / NOVEMBER 2022

61

[ FASHION ]

TONE LEWIS AND JOHN CASTLE: Models HOUSE OF LARUE: Designer Style and warmth have always had a difficult relationship.

Well, not anymore with these amazing coats by House of Larue.

Photo by Ty Davis

58 NOVEMBER 2022 / CODE M