OPINION THE GOOD FATHER In the absence of my father, I became someone I hate. In the absence of my father, I steered ‘way from positive fate. by Lena Fields-Arnold
I
’ll never forget that moment …
I was nine years old and running for what felt like my life. He was after me. He, being the boy who I’d be destined to fight over and over again for the next several years. I ran to my front door excited because my father was looking at me from the other side. He would protect me. I grabbed for the handle fully expecting it to swing open only to find it was locked! My father looked at me from the other side and said, “Get back out there and fight!” So that’s what I did.
For years afterwards I would tell the story, spinning it into a positive light. “My dad was teaching me to fend for myself,” I’d say. “He was teaching me to stand up to bullies and take care of myself.” It wasn’t until I had my own daughter that I realized my dad got it wrong. And it was only the beginning of the things he’d get wrong when raising his children. You see, now that my daughter was being raised by a good dad, I finally understood that what my dad had really taught me and also that boy was that I couldn’t depend on my own father to protect me. So that boy kept on bullying me for years. Sure, I fought back, and sometimes I’d win, and sometimes he’d win, but the constant battles made me fearful, angry, and insecure. A father is supposed to protect his child from hostile people intent on hurting them. My husband would never have watched from the other side of the screen while some boy beat up his little girl. Despite what current culture would have us to believe, there
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are distinct differences between men and women, and these differences should be celebrated, not denigrated. One of those differences is masculinity brought on by the presence of testosterone. God designed men to be bigger, faster, and stronger than women for a reason. One of the most basic, fundamental reasons for this is protection. James B. Stenson, author of the book Father, the Family Protector, put it this way “How does a man act to protect his wife and children? Let’s approach this question by first examining a man’s masculinity, the distinctive character of any normal adult male. Men are different from women. They are wired differently, think differently. They have instincts and attitudes and physical strengths that empower them for tough-minded, sacrificial service to those people who count most in their lives, starting with their families.” In short, fathers protect. They protect their families by supervision; by provision of food, shelter, clothing; by keeping his family safe from people and forces that threaten. His very presence provides a sense of security and serves as a deterrent to potential evildoers and ne’er do wells. In the absence of my father, I listened to deceitful voices. In the absence of my father, I made all the wrong choices.
