November 2014 8th anniversary issue by Complete Wellbeing

“Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.” — Viktor Frankl

Winner of the Medscape India award 2012

ISSN 2277 – 5153 VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 ` 100

8th anniversary issue

Your personal answer to the ultimate question

Why am I here

p36

The power of spiritual intimacyp72

Feng shui to enhance love p32

Anything can be healed p48

Editor’s insights

The wealth that counts

Manoj Khatri manoj.khatri@completewellbeing.com

infinitemanoj ManojKhatri

There is no formula to decode life, nor is there any universal meaning of life—that single answer to the great quest of humankind 02 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

any years ago, when I was still pursuing graduation, a friend lent me a copy of It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It by Robert Fulghum, whose uncomplicated outlook on life, together with his fresh and funny style of writing, quickly made him one of my favourite authors. Over the years, his books made a profound impression on me, besides influencing my writing. In the aforementioned book, there was a chapter on how we mix up our identities with the work we do professionally. It was a hilarious read—so funny that I laughed at nearly every sentence. And yet, there was also a very powerful message contained that made me question my priorities. Fulghum wrote, “I o en say that I don’t worry about the meaning of life—I can’t handle that big stuﬀ. What concerns me is the meaning in life—day by day, hour by hour, while I’m doing whatever it is that I do. What counts is not what I do, but how I think about myself while I’m doing it.” These words of Fulghum sum up the essence of our 8th anniversary issue. No ma er what anyone does, we are all yearning to live a life of meaning. But, there is no formula to decode life, nor is there any universal meaning of life—that single answer to the great quest of humankind. Meaning is personal and comes from within each individual. That is what Alex Pa akos and Elaine Dundon, two bestselling authors, have come together to help you understand. “Meaning is the life energy or fuel that motivates us to achieve our highest potential as human beings. In fact, meaning is an integral part of our innate humanness, and it is the search for meaning, our primary intrinsic motivation, that distinguishes us from other living entities,” they write as they share practical ideas to help you to discover, and apply, meaning in your everyday life and work. I urge you to read this month’s cover story slowly, and then read it again. Absorb its message fully. It contains pointers that will help you answer the ultimate question we all ask. And once you find your own unique answer to this question, your life will be filled with the only wealth that counts— meaning.

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www.completewellbeing.com Vol IX Issue 01 NOV 2014

RNI No. MAHENG/2006/21415

/CompleteWellbeing

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Anniversary

SUMMARY OF CONTENTS

SR GRAPHIC DESIGNER | Mukesh Patel EDITORIAL OFFICE 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza, Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 E-mail: editorial@completewellbeing.com

TRENDING THIS MONTH >>

Find meaning

EA TO PUBLISHER | Vidhu Marar

in your life

CONSULTANT | Rahul Baji

By Elaine Dundon and Alex Pattakos

ADVERTISING SALES | M Shankar E-mail: adsales@completewellbeing.com

BULK SUBSCRIPTIONS Call: 022-6742 0900 SMS: ‘CW BULK’ to 7738387787 E-mail: copysales@completewellbeing.com SUBSCRIPTIONS Call: 022-6742 0900 SMS: ‘CW SUB’ to 7738387787 E-mail: subscriptions@completewellbeing.com PRINTED AT | Rajhans Enterprises PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY | Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134, 4th Main Road, Industrial Town, Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt. Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza, Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 Editor: Manoj Khatri © Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in whole, in print, electronic or any other form, is strictly prohibited. DISCLAIMER | Complete Wellbeing is dedicated to providing useful, well-researched information on holistic health/wellbeing, but its contents are not intended to provide medical advice/diagnosis for individual problems or circumstances, or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Readers are advised to always consult their physician/healthcare professional/therapist, prior to starting any new remedy, therapy or treatment, or practice, or with any questions they may have regarding a medical/health condition. The views expressed by writers are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the editor, publisher, or Complete Wellbeing. Using masculine pronouns ‘he’, ‘him’ or ‘his’ for subjects of unknown gender is considered prejudicial. We respect both genders and hence use feminine and masculine pronouns interchangeably. Complete Wellbeing is not responsible for advertising claims.

COMPLETE WELLBEING

DISCOVER >>

Marriage & intimacy 32 How feng shui can energise your marriage

By Anand Bhardwaj

Self-help 78 If I could do it, so can you By Ramgopal Vallath

MANAGE >>

Health & vitality 60 Common workout injuries By Yajuvendra Gawai

Relationships 70 Guide the young as they test life’s waters

By Pallavi Choudhury Tripathi VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 03

TRANSFORM >> Consciousness 30 Go meatless for a day By JP Vaswani

Anything can be healed

Enlightenment is a daily choice

By Martin Brofman

By Jim Tolles

UNWIND >>

Humour 86 World’s most bizarre laws

RESOLVE >>

EXPLORE >>

Food & nutrition 66 Unique sweet potato recipes By Anjali Pathak

Travel 92 The enchanting Pangi Valley

By Sahil Shah

Marriage & intimacy 72 Can intimacy be spiritual too?

By John Amodeo

Self-help 82 Stop listening, start acting By Malti Bhojwani

By Rishad Saam Mehta

DECIDE >>

REGULARS >>

Career & workplace 75 Don’t let your work kill you

08 Talkback

By Tom Rath

10 Events 14 Write notes

UNLEARN >>

Money matters 54 Things you have to teach your

04 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

kids about finance By Manoj Arora

18 Happy happenings 28 Month freshener 64 Culture club 84 Confession booth 97 New kits on the block COMPLETE WELLBEING

Happy happenings

Mom gives birth to miracle baby even after doctors suggest abortion

THERE ARE MANY WHO ARE BORN with severe disabilities but how many turn their disability into an opportunity to empower others? Poonam Shroti from Bhopal suffering from Osteogenesis Imperfecta [brittle bone disease] has achieved things that even ‘normal’ people would find challenging. Despite her disability, she attended a regular school, completed her graduation in Commerce and also got an MBA in Finance with a Post Graduate Diploma in Personnel Management. However, she still struggled to find a job even after being so qualified. She was finally recruited by an HR firm where she worked for six years until she realised that she had not progressed to the top and wanted to break free from her routine job. With the support and help from her friends and family, she quit her job and started Uddip, an organisation for the empowerment of the physically challenged. She is also focusing on other areas like blood donations; apart from this she hopes to make women in rural areas self sufficient by providing them with livelihood options. She says, “If one’s willpower is strong, one is propelled into action and when one takes that action, the path ahead becomes clearer.”

Pic: Licensed under [CC BY 2.0] from Todd [flickr] Pic for representational purpose only

Physically-disabled woman achieves a giant stature with her deeds

KATY EVANS’ WATER BAG broke when she was just 16 weeks pregnant. The doctors suggested an abortion saying that her unborn baby had only a one per cent chance of survival. She, however, refused to get an abortion and said that she wanted nature to take its course. She stayed positive, researched about such situations, joined support groups on Facebook, took suggestions from other moms and eventually learnt that the chances of survival might be much higher than what her doctors had told her. When she went for a scan two weeks aĞer the incident, it was revealed that the waters had replenished in her womb aĞer the ruptures were healed. As warned, her waters broke again at almost 34 weeks of pregnancy and she gave birth to a miracle baby weighing 4lbs 13oz [approx 2.1 kg]. “We feel unbelievably lucky. We’re all so blessed and grateful to have him. He’s a very special liĴle boy,” said Evans.

If you have an inspiring or heart-touching story or incident to share, email us at editorial@completewellbeing.com and we’ll publish your story here. References: www.goodnewsnetwork.org, www.thebetterindia.com, www.sunnyskyz.com, www.facebook.com/logical.indian

COMPLETE WELLBEING

VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 05

Discover

marriage & intimacy

Use feng shui to aĴract love and strengthen your marital bond

By Anand Bhardwaj

of the area and a messy bedroom does not help to create a romantic atmosphere. If you want to get married or aĴract the right partner, prepare by geĴing rid of unnecessary items in your bedroom. At a symbolic level, this is indicative of you making space in your life for your partner. If you are already married, you and your partner should make sure that the space that you exclusively share [the bedroom] is neat and organised. This ensures order in your relationship as well.

Bed feng shui

LOVE by DESIGN

Anand Bhardwaj is a consultant on vastu shastra, fengshui and past life regression. He is the founder director of International Institute of Vaidic Culture.

YOUR HOME IS the haven that nurtures the bond between you and your partner. These feng shui ideas for your home, especially the bedroom, will help enhance the flow of chi between the two of you.

Remove cluĴer from your bedroom Your bedroom should be a calm place where you can unwind. CluĴer congests the energy

06 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

Ensure that there is equal space between the bed and the walls on both sides of the bed. This allows the chi to circulate in the area. Avoid placing the bed in the corner of the room adjoining the walls. Beds with storage drawers underneath them are bad feng shui as they do not allow the chi to flow. Avoid having a single night stand; have two night stands and place them on either side of the bed as this helps to ground and balance the energy.

Colours of love Pink is the colour of romance in feng shui. However that doesn’t mean that you need to drown your home in shades of pink. While painting the walls with pink does increase the love energy, if it’s not your colour, you can use it in lesser amounts like for accent pieces, carpets or cushions. Yellow, purple, red and white will also work to boost the chi of the place. Avoid dark-coloured furniture and linen in the bedroom. Excess black, brown and other dull shades bring negativity to the room, hence they should be avoided.

Light the spark A well-lit room exudes positive energy. Create ample lighting with a mix of yellow and white light. Light is the physical manifestation of the sun and its energy, so you need to maintain a balance with the lighting in your home. A room that is too dark can be depressing, but avoid having excessively lit bedroom as too much brightness will impede your relaxation. COMPLETE WELLBEING

Anniversary

Love stone A rose quartz is a pink-coloured natural stone [also called the love stone] and is thought to augment the eﬀects of love energy. It is used in feng shui to find and keep a partner. The energy of a rose quartz is said to heal one’s heart from pain. Hang them near the windows, on the night stand or on the entrance door of the bedroom. To keep your relationship strong, use a glass bowl with two rose quartz balls touching each other. Wearing a pendant, a ring or a bracelet made with rose quartz will make your partner more desirable to you and vice versa.

Flowers

In feng shui it is not the rose that is the symbol of romance, but the peony. It is used to keep infidelity away. To keep your marriage strong, place a picture of peonies on the wall just in front of your bed. Red flowers also revitalise your love energy.

Symbols of romance To heighten your love chi, use a pair of Mandarin Ducks. These must be kept facing in the same direction and preferably near the head of the bed. Mandarin ducks mate for life, so they are used in feng shui to depict commitment. Besides Mandarin ducks, showpieces of birds like swans, turtle-doves, love birds or eagles can be used since they too mate for life. Always keep these showpieces in pairs as this is symbolic of your devotion to you partner. The endless knot is another 4 feng shui cure that COMPLETE WELLBEING

can be used near the bed. In Buddhism, the endless knot is one of the eight auspicious objects. This symbol implies there is no beginning and no end and it represents the harmonious flow of energy with no setbacks, misfortunes and accidents. Heart shaped pillows, showpieces and flower vases are good for the flow of chi when used in the bedroom and surroundings.

Artwork Decorate the bedroom, lobby and drawing room with photographs or paintings of dancers, musicians or couples. Avoid pictures of single people, desolate landscapes or any artwork that is melancholic. The phoenix is the Chinese symbol of celebration; wearing an ornament with a 3 phoenix or pu ing up a small painting of a phoenix increases chi. But if you use this type of painting, it should be red-oriented and hung on the southern wall.

GiĞs Never exchange gi s like scissors, blades, knives, tonics, kerchiefs or tragic novels as these are symbolic of negative energy.

Subtle feng shui A ending marriage ceremonies, functions and festivals also increases love energy since they all symbolise happiness. The energy of these events then spreads into our lives. One of the best feng shui cures to activate your love energy is the ‘Visualising Exercise’. In this exercise, visualise what you desire as if it is taking place genuinely. People may call it day-dreaming, but concentrating on a particular desire may also activate luck in that area of your life and o en yields the desired results.

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PICTURE CREDITS

1 2 3

CC BY 2.0 by Nozomi

CC BY 2.0 by Holly Occhipinti

CC BY-ND 2.0 by Trisha A phoenix depicted in a book of mythological creatures by FJ Bertuch (1747–1822)

VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 07

Transform

consciousness

Sever the

strings of darkness Living an enlightened life is a simple and sane maĴer; all you need to do is cut the cords that are holding you back 08 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

COMPLETE WELLBEING

Anniversary

By Jim Tolles

LIVING AN ENLIGHTENED life sounds like a grand undertaking, but in reality it is actually very simple. It means to be here now and to know yourself. That’s basically it. From there, it gets easier and easier to understand why you are the way you are and why you do the things you do. In turn, this allows you to make truly conscious choices in your life. Until you have that aspiration to focus on the present moment and understand yourself, you can be easily swayed and manipulated by your hidden fears, other people, and the many social, economic and political currents swirling around in life. As such, living an enlightened life isn’t just a noble spiritual ideal; it’s a requirement if you want to really live.

A puppet on strings Most people don’t realise that they’re essentially a puppet. They don’t realise that they’re a ached to many, many kinds of strings. These strings are social beliefs, emotional traumas, biological instincts and much more; but o en they are complete mysteries to most people. However, when one of the strings pulls on an arm, the arm immediately reacts. For example, a young girl is insulted in school about the red shirt she is wearing. She doesn’t know why, but she instantly smacks the other girl’s face for the affront; it is completely reactive, and she thinks it’s because of the insult. In truth, it has to do with her lack of self-worth, which is connected to a deeper fight or flight survival mechanism. An ensuing fight creates more turbulence in both girls’ lives, and that creates additional pain and suffering for them, people at the school and their families. Later on, when asked about why she did what she did, this girl says, “I don’t know.” These reactions happen for a lot of people in many situations because this is reactionary nature and it doesn’t stay limited to childhood and school life. It ripples upwards to heads of nations and states. Heads of countries feel slighted, so they cut off trade with other countries. Or worse still, they go to war. Imagined slights become real issues COMPLETE WELLBEING

that become death and atrocity. It’s a horrible state of life that keeps happening over and over again, but it always begins at the level of the individual and how their strings are tied around them.

Identifying the strings in your life I never say that living an enlightened life will be easy. Instead, dedicating ourselves to the spiritual path helps us to see where we make life hard for ourselves. When we address that, then things get easier within ourselves. The external world may still be very challenging, but at least we are no longer reacting mindlessly to the stimuli, insults and obstacles that are thrown our way. We do this by identifying the strings that are manipulating us. In general, I’d categorise these strings as:

>> >> >> >>

Biological and genetic Emotional Mental Subtle energy

The biological strings are simply the core animal instincts that still operate in us. They are mainly concerned with survival and procreation to continue the species. Many people are completely overwhelmed by these impulses, and they tend to be part of the backbone of many of our core fears and issues. For instance, money gets tied up with a fear of survival. We feel like we won’t be able to survive without money. As such, people can become incredibly fearful if they ever feel like they’ll lose their job. When this core fear tugs on someone, a person can react in very poor ways. The genetic aspect is where we have diﬀerences from one person to another. For instance, one person may have more biochemical imbalance that tends towards a depressive personality. This is simply something one must account for and understand as part of what is influencing their lives. How to be without reaction is something we need to learn. The emotional level is where a lot of our raw and most basic feelings are. They are not really separate from any other levels. You’ll notice as you do your self-introspection that these strings are tied up into a big bundle. But VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 09

Jim Tolles is a spiritual teacher, healer, and writer. He is the author of the ebook: Everyday Spirituality: Cultivating an Awakening. He teaches students via online video conversations, and he blogs at www.spiritualawakeningprocess.com.

they can be addressed separately as you begin to understand how these things all interact within you. As such, a primal concern around survival such as the losing your job example can ignite a lot of fear, but living an enlightened life means that we learn to simply watch our inner reaction rather than to take action upon it. If we believe in the fear, it becomes 10 times worse. The mental level is home to all of our stories about ourselves, about our families, and about how we think our lives should go. It is built out of the ideas and pa erns that we learned as children from our families and society as a whole. It is the home of the ego, which we have usually learned to defend at all costs. All kinds of beliefs and ideas are collected here that are trying to serve different purposes. Until we explore them, we don’t really know why we are doing what we are doing. The subtle energy field has many interesting energetic connections, and it’s usually the one that we deal with last as the other three are already a huge amount of self-work. It’s enough to say that we are energy, and we are all interconnected. Those of you who are naturally sensitive to energy will find that you can learn a lot about yourself by noticing how different places and people affect your mood. When they do, you know that a subtle energy string is pulling on you and creating a reaction.

Cultivating non-reaction The first steps to cu ing the strings and finding your core issues are being present and having the desire to know yourself. A er that, it is important to practise being non-reactive. I am sure that life will oﬀer you plenty of opportunities to be either upset or excited about something. Both ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ feelings should be watched. You can ask yourself simple questions such as “Why does this make me happy?” and “Why does this make me unhappy?” I am not saying to have no emotions at all and be a robot. I am encouraging you to be curious about how and

10 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

why you behave the way you do. Until now, this was probably an invisible process, so this step is an important one. As you go, you’ll probably notice a lot of unhealthy behaviour pa erns. This is good news. Before you couldn’t see them, now you can. I o en outline the most basic steps on healing these issues as follows:

>> >> >> >>

Identify Accept Embrace Let go

When you can identify something, you can then accept it. Embracing it means to understand the story or feel the feeling. Le ing it go means just that. Once you’ve deeply understood something, releasing it is natural, so that new space within you can open up.

Deeper openings lead to deeper understandings The more open we are, the more we can see about ourselves and others. This is a crucial thing in these times when so much information is coming at us so quickly. A lot of stuﬀ has sped up, and this is why it’s important to slow down. Bringing our awareness more firmly into this moment allows us to see clearly and, as we continue to open, it tends to get easier to know what needs to be done in any given moment. It also tends to be easier to let go of things that do not serve us and to not get caught up in minor squabbles with others. In time, this just becomes how you live, and it’s not really a big deal. Living an enlightened life, as I said in the beginning, is quite simple and quite sane. It isn’t anything extraordinary. If anything, it is about finally accepting the ordinary and everything else exactly as it is and continuing to learn about yourself so that you can enjoy this present moment—whatever it is—to the fullest.

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COMPLETE WELLBEING

MONTH FRESHENER Infuse life into your days SUN

SUN

Remember how much you loved skipping as a child? See if you can still do it.

WED

THU

FRI

SAT

Like a particular celebrity’s look? Figure out how you can incorporate it without aping them. Be your own star! Take out the cycle from your garage and go for a long ride.

Check your workdesk drawers for all the items that can be reused and send them for recycling.

WED

THU

Teach your child the importance of giving; have him give some toys to charity.

WED

Grow a plant and gift it to a friend. The time and thought you’ve put into this gift is worth more than anything money can buy.

TUE

Gift your child some books he’d love to read.

MON

TUE

Give your wife a break—surprise her by helping her with the chores around the house.

World kindness day No matter how busy your day is, do one simple act of kindness for someone who doesn’t expect it.

FRI

SUN

Have a magic show at home. Surprise your kids by showing off a few card tricks.

THU

Universal Children’s day Buy some sweets and distribute them to all the children in your neighbourhood.

FRI

World Hello Day Smile and say hello to 10 people.

SAT

World diabetes day Pledge to do one thing everyday to better your health.

SAT

WED

Learn how to prepare macramé curtains by taking tutorials from the internet. Create some beautiful home décor.

SUN

Make your living-room lively by taking some dry branches, spraying them with some sparkle and placing them in a beautiful vase.

SAT

SUN

Put up a tent of bed sheets and camp with your kids—revel in your childhood memories!

MY NOTE

MON

How about using some of your old clothes to create a funky door mat?

MY NOTE

www.completewellbeing.com

SAT

November 2014

Discover self-help

Ramgopal Vallath shares how he coped and what he learned when an unexpected illness threatened to sha er his whole life

When the

going got

tough

I WAS ECSTATIC when I became one of the youngest Circle Heads in India for a telecom operation at 35, but my joy was short-lived. I had no idea that my health was about to take a nosedive. It started oﬀ as mild symptoms—my hands would tremble whenever I held something and I could not find my balance while trying to descend stairs. I ignored it at first, jokingly calling it my ‘handshaking problem’, and telling people it was a result of excessive handshakes, thanks to my sales job.

12 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

COMPLETE WELLBEING

VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 13

My deteriorating dreams Over the next five years, my condition steadily worsened. My fingers lost sensation and strength; I could no longer perform simple tasks such as bu oning up my shirt, tying my shoelaces, writing legibly, or even typing. Picking up even small things such as a glass of water or a plate was a nightmare. Similarly, my legs became weak and unsteady. I could not climb up stairs without holding on to a railing for support; I couldn’t walk more than a couple of hundred metres at a time and my le foot started to droop, causing me to stub my toes while walking or causing me to trip and fall many times. My corporate dream had come crashing down. I changed jobs because of my condition, in the hope of finding work I could still do without too much of a hindrance. My condition had also been misdiagnosed a few times. Finally, I was told I had CIDP [Chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy], an autoimmune disorder. Life was as tough as it could get. Fate had ideas completely at variance with the welllaid plans I had set for myself. I watched in pain as my dream of becoming the CEO of a Fortune 500 company in my early 40s slowly slipped away. But there was something about me which even fate could not touch—my a itude, [I’d like to think I am the most positive person I’ve ever met.] I knew that if I tried hard enough I would find a solution to my problems. To accomplish this, there were a set of rules which I adhered to. Based on my experience this is the knowledge I have garnered:

Ramgopal Vallath is a motivational speaker and author of Oops the Mighty Gurgle. By sharing his story of overcoming CIDP, he wants to help as many lives as possible.

Never think of what could have been Thinking of what you are missing out on and wasting time brooding over where you could have reached is the single most unproductive way of spending your time. What could have been is never going to happen. Instead of wasting time mulling over things, you should spend time assessing the present situation and, based on that, plan for

14 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

the future. I never spend time regre ing the downward spiral in my health nor how it derailed my career.

Understand that life is not fair There is no algorithm built into the fabric of the universe, which ensures that a person who does good deeds always receives a good life. The sooner you realise this, the easier it will be for you to accept reality and also to realise that the only person who can pull you out of your diﬃculties is yourself. This will galvanise you into action. In my case, I was always looking ahead to see how I could maximise my value addition [at work, at home or in terms of what I could contribute to the society] given my condition. This ensured that my mind was always engaged in something positive.

Always seek solutions As a young boy, I studied in some of the smallest villages in Kerala, that too in government schools with Malayalam as the medium of instruction. The pass percentage in most of those schools was a mere 20 per cent. Yet, I managed without any external tuition to obtain the 129th rank in IIT JEE. The reason I could do this was because I had learned from my parents to always look for solutions. While practising for the entrance test, there were times when I would spend two to three days solving a single problem. But I never gave up. So I knew that if I explored all the possibilities and approached everything with an orientation towards finding a solution, no problem is unsolvable. As my illness progressed, I tried to workout daily, do yoga and took ayurvedic treatments. I also researched long and hard on the Internet for a possible cure. I never gave up trying. This kept my hope alive and also made me feel great that I was always doing something constructive.

When the going gets tough, the tough get humorous The single most important thing that kept me sane and indeed in a great COMPLETE WELLBEING

mood during these trying times was my ability to look at the funny side of things. I made sure that every meeting I a ended, every group of friends I spent time with or every time I sat down with my family for a meal, I would make that group feel a li le more cheerful than what they were when I joined them. I would always crack a few jokes and make light of a situation. The trick is not to take yourself too seriously and also not to let others take themselves too seriously. I was always the one who told my kids many funny stories and made them roll around with laughter. When you spread cheer to others, it ensures the overall atmosphere lightens and in turn makes you more cheerful. It is an amplified positive feedback of jollity.

Take up something you love to do In my case, I started blogging. I created my own blog and filled it with humorous and wacky posts. I shared it far and wide and enjoyed the praise I got for it. While undergoing my clinical trial treatment in the USA [a treatment that I had identified thanks to my intense online research], I also started writing my first novel—a funny science fiction story for all ages. Completing this book, ge ing it published and subsequently marketing it far and wide gave me such a COMPLETE WELLBEING

powerful boost of energy that I recovered most of my strength—thanks to it.

When the going gets tough, the tough use humour

Set yourself a series of small aĴainable stretch goals Even at the height of my illness, I would set daily targets for myself such as to walk one km in 20 minutes or to li 500gms of weight 50 times with each hand and so on. A er finishing my treatment, I set daily targets to exercise 27 diﬀerent muscles for the next six months. The target would increase every week. Then I went about beating each target, every day. Today, I am a published author and a motivational speaker. I have conducted seminars in more than a dozen corporate organisations and in many schools and colleges. My aim in life is to positively touch as many people as I can. My next book is all about keeping yourself motivated through the toughest of times and turning your situation into an advantage. Through all this [to paraphrase William Ernest Henley], the one thing I kept telling myself and that I would like to share with everyone is… “You are the master of your fate; you are the captain of your soul.” To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing, send ‘CW SUB’ to 07738387787

VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 15

Trending this month

Why am I here

Your personal answer to the ultimate question In chasing ‘the good life,’ many of us sacrifice our relationships, our health, and our sanity, but at the end of the day, we still find ourselves with lives and work that bring us liĴle fulfillment. That’s because, the good life is not about the pursuit of happiness, as happiness is superficial and fleeting. It’s about meaning, and about knowing that our lives and work maĴer, say Elaine Dundon and Alex PaĴakos

16 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

COMPLETE WELLBEING

Anniversary

“Man, a being in search of meaning.” —Plato

ON OUR TRAVELS AROUND THE WORLD, we’ve encountered many people who have told us that they felt something was missing in their lives and that they felt overwhelmed, lonely and unfulfilled. A pessimistic air seems to have engulfed our world, with increased levels of stress due to unemployment or job insecurity, financial hardship, health and relationship issues. Today, we see that despite being in an increasingly networked and connected world via technology, too many people feel disconnected from and untrusting of others— neighbours, co-workers, leaders—and, perhaps most importantly, from themselves. Unsure of where to turn for solutions, many seek to ‘escape’ through addictions: television, sex, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, the Internet, etc. LeĞ unchecked, these pursuits can turn into a vicious, downward cycle and manifest themselves as an endless and joyless undertaking—much like the one experienced by the Greek hero Sisyphus, who was ordered by the gods to push a big rock uphill, only to see it slip out of his hands at the very last moment and roll down the hill once more.

Is happiness the answer? Some say the solution is to seek happiness. “Just find something that will make you happy” is the advice we hear oĞen. But what does this really mean? Does it mean a person should COMPLETE WELLBEING

find something to make them happy in the moment, perhaps distracting themselves from the reality of their life? Although this approach might provide temporary reprieve, we believe that life is not about the pursuit of happiness. Happiness is not the ultimate goal of life. Happiness is an emotion that is linked to pleasure but it is fleeting; it doesn’t last. We can share a happy moment when we are enjoying a good meal or a good laugh with a friend, but this emotion only lasts a short time. Believing that happiness will relieve us from our anxiety and stress is

Alex Pattakos, author of the bestseller, Prisoners of Our Thoughts [translated into 22 languages] and author of the bestseller, The Seeds of Innovation, are co-founders of The Meaning Group and co-authors of The OPA! Way: Finding Joy & Meaning in Everyday Life & Work. To learn more, visit: www.theopaway.com and www.themeaninggroup.com

Elaine Dundon,

VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 17

Christopher Reeve at the opening night of Marriage of Figaro in NYC

Superman in reel and real life—Christopher Reeve after the accident; here he discusses the potential benefits of stem cell research at a neuroscience conference at MIT.

a bright acting career and a life filled with unlimited possibilities ahead of him. He was thrown from a horse in a tragic accident that broke his neck, and he was challenged to make new sense of his life as a quadriplegic. An inspirational role model for others, Reeve proved to be a real Superman a er his accident, not because he chose to pursue happiness as his ultimate goal, but because he searched for something much deeper—the “strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” Moreover, in spite of having been thrown a curve by life, Reeve not only survived but also thrived in his 18 NOVEMBER 2014 VOL IX ISSUE 01

Pic: Mike Lin

CC BY-SA 3.0 by Jbfrankel

misguided. What happens when life throws us a curve, when things don’t go well, when we face suﬀering, illness, or death? What happens when our ability to make sense of life is challenged? The pursuit of happiness will not necessarily help us in these diﬃcult times, nor will it bring us the deep sense of fulfillment we are all looking for in life. Christopher Reeve, known all over the world for his leading role in Superman, had

remaining years by fighting for himself, for his family, and for thousands of people with spinal cord injuries around the world. By engaging with a deeper purpose and extending beyond himself, this real-life Superman found happiness not by pursuing it but by allowing it to ensue as the unintended side-eﬀect of his dedication to a cause greater than himself.

Is it power we want? Some believe the solution is to seek power over our lives and the lives of others. Power is about being strong and dominant, having [or trying to have] control over other people, events, or things in our environment. Ultimately, though, the pursuit of power leads to emptiness because power over others, and even most of our personal circumstances, is actually an illusion. Power is an exhausting game to play and, like pleasure, it is fleeting and always subject to unforeseen forces. In this connection, the search for power also becomes an endless and joyless undertaking. The search for power in our lives is parallel to our search for happiness and pleasure. For the most part, it too is ‘out there.’ Power over our employees, our bosses, our customers, our shareholders, our kids, the waiter in a restaurant, or a clerk in a retail store is illusory at best and terribly destructive at worst. We think we have power, but we never know for sure. Even if we do, in the power game there’s always an opponent; the ground is always shi ing. Just ask the parents of teenagers who, even with the best of intentions, find that parental guidance is much easier said than done! Indeed, with parenting comes the realisation that the search for ‘power’ over children is an exhausting, ever-shi ing game!

What about money? The pursuit of power through monetary wealth is also an illusion, one that o en leads to unintended consequences. We have all heard people express the idea that more wealth will bring them meaning and fulfillment. “If only I had more money.” “If only I had a bigger house.” “If only I had a first class COMPLETE WELLBEING

We use money to keep score and compare ourselves with others

ticket.” We’ve been conditioned to believe that these are authentic symbols of success—the more the be er. Having money and material things has become the end goal for many people because they can count it, keep score, and use it to compare themselves to others. Living the ‘good life’ seems to be just one thing away. But when we don’t look the way we think we should or if we don’t have the same [or greater] amount of wealth or abundance of things as others do, we trap ourselves into thinking that it is we who are not enough. In other words, we become “prisoners of our thoughts.” Unfortunately, such feelings of inadequacy and the relentless pursuit of trying to overcome them typically lead to increased stress, and o en depression. The costs, whether intended or unintended, obvious or hidden, of the hunt for more power and money, which eﬀectively is a primitive form of the search for power, are staggering. We postpone finding and experiencing deep meaning in our lives when we COMPLETE WELLBEING

are so busy seeking and trying to get ‘more’. We ignore our relationships while we focus on accumulating more; we overlook our health in our chase for more. Interestingly, the results of many research studies have shown that once we achieve a certain level of wealth, enough to cover the basics of life, any increase in new wealth does not necessarily result in a lot more satisfaction, especially lasting satisfaction. In other words, doubling our money won’t bring about a doubling of meaning in our lives.

MEANING PLEASURE

POWER VOL IX ISSUE 01 NOVEMBER 2014 19

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