Complete Wellbeing October 14 by Complete Wellbeing

Is your parenting style hurting your child? p50

Ram Dass on pain and joyp92

Leading happiness at work p76

Winner of the Medscape India award 2012

ISSN 2277 – 5153 VOL VIII ISSUE 12 OCTOBER 2014 ` 100

The law of attraction

Thefinalpiece of the puzzle

p24

Editor’s insights

Not just a token of gratitude

here is a joke about a man who dreamed day and night about winning the lo ery. At first he used to pray to God but it didn’t work. Then he learned about the law of a raction and he started visualising, aﬃrming and imagining—so much that eventually the Angels felt sorry for him and approached the almighty with a request: “Lord, please let this man win the

lo ery, he’s doing our head in with his non-stop praying, we can’t take it anymore.”

Manoj Khatri manoj.khatri@completewellbeing.com

“And you think I don’t want to?” replied God, “He’s driving me crazy with all his aﬃrmations—but someone please tell him that to win, he first needs to buy a

infinitemanoj ManojKhatri

lo ery ticket!” This is one of the many ways the law of a raction [LoA] was misconstrued. It painted the universe as a giant vending machine that will send you whatever you desire; all you need to do is insert the appropriate ‘tokens’ in the form of gratitude, aﬃrmations and visualisations. Millions of people fell for this trap and thought that they had finally found the magic wand that will alleviate all their problems. But they also sensed that it seemed too good to be true. Not unexpectedly, disillusionment and cynicism followed. If you google the phrase today, you will find a number of articles and posts rubbishing it as some unscientific, unverifiable mumbo jumbo. But there are still thousands who believe in the phenomenon, claiming that it has changed their lives for the be er. So what exactly is the truth behind LoA? Is it really a big hoax or has it simply been misunderstood? In this month’s cover story I have tried to answer this question. While writing it, I have resisted the temptation of glorifying LoA. Instead, what I present is the most plausible explanation of why and how it actually works in real life. I have learnt that experience triumphs over theory. My own experience supports the key

Millions of people fell for this trap and thought that they had finally found the magic wand that will alleviate all their problems 02 OCTOBER 2014 VOL VIII ISSUE 12

premise of LoA: our thoughts create our reality. But, as you will observe when you read this month’s story, I don’t depend on some mystical explanation to build my case; nor do I use proletarian science. I prefer simple logic—and that is why I think the paradigm I oﬀer is watertight. I have tried to take both the sceptics and the believers along with me—especially while introducing the missing link, without which LoA is unusable. I hope I have succeeded in my a empt. I now invite you to read the story and reflect upon it; then write back to me with your views—even if they are critical. I also urge you to share your experiences with the law of a raction, if any.

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SUMMARY OF CONTENTS

SR GRAPHIC DESIGNER | Mukesh Patel EDITORIAL OFFICE 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza, Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 E-mail: editorial@completewellbeing.com

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BULK SUBSCRIPTIONS Call: 022-6742 0900 SMS: ‘CW BULK’ to 7738387787 E-mail: copysales@completewellbeing.com SUBSCRIPTIONS Call: 022-6742 0900 SMS: ‘CW SUB’ to 7738387787 E-mail: subscriptions@completewellbeing.com PRINTED AT | Rajhans Enterprises PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY | Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134, 4th Main Road, Industrial Town, Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt. Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza, Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 Editor: Manoj Khatri © Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in whole, in print, electronic or any other form, is strictly prohibited. DISCLAIMER | Complete Wellbeing is dedicated to providing useful, well-researched information on holistic health/wellbeing, but its contents are not intended to provide medical advice/diagnosis for individual problems or circumstances, or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Readers are advised to always consult their physician/healthcare professional/therapist, prior to starting any new remedy, therapy or treatment, or practice, or with any questions they may have regarding a medical/health condition.

TRENDING THIS MONTH >>

Solving the Law of AĴraction puzzle By Manoj Khatri

The views expressed by writers are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the editor, publisher, or Complete Wellbeing. Using masculine pronouns ‘he’, ‘him’ or ‘his’ for subjects of unknown gender is considered prejudicial. We respect both genders and hence use feminine and masculine pronouns interchangeably. Complete Wellbeing is not responsible for advertising claims.

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DISCOVER >> Mind & emotions 66 Heal your inner child By Deepti Gujar

INDULGE >>

Food & nutrition 56 Turnip: Indian style By Sanjeev Kapoor

VOL VIII ISSUE 12 OCTOBER 2014 03

TRANSFORM >> Consciousness 92 Separateness is suffering By Ram Dass

An invitation to emptiness By Osho

MANAGE >>

Parenting 47 Too shy for their own good By Shehrebanu

Health & vitality 70 Breast cancer awareness By Namita Pandey

Career & workplace 72 Getting back to work after becoming a mom

By Sheela Preuitt

EXPLORE >>

Perspective 44 When two cultures unite By Alexandra Madhavan

Travel 82 Srinagar: Then and now By Sathya Saran

Living spaces 86 Homes in sync with the ecosystem

By Lakshmi Arvind

RESOLVE >>

Mind & emotions 60 Feed your body, not your

UNWIND >>

Humour 38 When your wife does not approve of your friends

emotions

By Atul Khatri

By Marilyn Gordon

Self-help 62 Get out of your cocoon By Gwyneth Jones

DECIDE >>

Relationships 40 Humour to your rescue

By Suja Natarajan

Career & workplace 76 Are your employees happy? By Karl Staib

UNLEARN >>

Parenting 50 Your parenting style could

10 Events 16 Write notes 18 Happy happenings 34 Confession booth 43 Month freshener

By Supradeep Mukherjee

78 CW Select

good thing

By Minnu Bhonsle 04 OCTOBER 2014 VOL VIII ISSUE 12

08 Talkback

be wrong

Mind & emotions 64 Seeking out a counsellor is a 94

REGULARS >>

90 Culture club 97 New kits on the block 98 Reflections COMPLETE WELLBEING

Happy happenings

Teachers donated their sick leaves to help co-worker fighting cancer

Pic for representational purpose only Pic: Licensed under [CC BY 2.0] from Riza Nugraha [flickr]

CAROL CLARK, a sixth-grade teacher at Jaime Escalante Elementary school in Cudahy was suffering from breast cancer. She had used all her vacation holidays, as well as the 120 days leave she had accumulated during her 17 years of service to go to doctor’s appointments, chemotherapy and surgeries. Due to her weakened state, she was unable to return to school even after all her leaves were exhausted, which resulted in loss of pay and medical benefits. Her husband, also working at the same school, turned to their colleagues for help. With the help of the little-known LAUSD plan called the Catastrophic Illness Donation Program, he got all their co-workers to donate their sick leaves. Carol received 154 days from her colleagues, which was enough to make up for the pay she lost as well as gave her sufficient sick leaves for the surgeries she would have to undergo in the upcoming months. An overwhelming generosity that left Carol and her husband speechless!

Believe it or not! A man’s blood has saved the lives of over two million babies

This homeless guy has a unique selling proposition for his bookstore WHAT WOULD A homeless person do to meet his basic requirement? Philani from Johannesburg sells books; but he does it differently. He doesn’t just put up a bookstall; each day he sets up a spontaneous library discussion group and bookshop in a different corner of the city. He has read each of the books he sells and for those interested in buying a copy, he provides them with a review of the book. His love for reading came when he started reading self-help books to help him deal with his drug addiction. He says, “Reading is not harmful. There’s no such thing as harmful knowledge. This thing is only going to make you a better person.” This is what sets Philani apart and motivates the people he meets to donate towards his cause, as well as spread happiness.

WHEN JAMES HARRISON from Australia underwent a major chest surgery at 14, which required over three gallons of blood, he pledged to start donating blood as soon as he turned 18. AĞer his first few donations, it was discovered that his blood contained an unusually strong and persistent antibody, which cured Rhesus disease, the most common form of haemolytic disease of the newborn known to create incompatibility between the blood of the mother and the unborn baby. This unique discovery made him so important that his life was insured for $1 million. Today, he has reached a blood donation record of over 1,000 and has saved the lives of more than two million babies. He takes every opportunity to donate blood—even if he’s on a vacation. He says, “More and more blood is needed everyday, so if every current donor brought along one friend, we wouldn’t have the sort of shortage we have at the moment. An hour of your time is a lifetime for someone else.”

If you have an inspiring or heart-touching story or incident to share, email us at editorial@completewellbeing.com and we’ll publish your story here. References: www.goodnewsnetwork.org, www.thebetterindia.com, www.sunnyskyz.com

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VOL VIII ISSUE 12 OCTOBER 2014 05

Decide

relationships

Humour is no

laughing ma er Laughter is an eﬀective means of building and maintaining bonds By Suja Natarajan

06 OCTOBER 2014 VOL VIII ISSUE 12

COMPLETE WELLBEING

HEALTHY HUMOUR ADDS SPARKLE to relationships and can lighten any mood or situation. It has the power to make you resilient to weather the storms of life. Do humorous people have an edge on lasting relationships and happiness? Theorists suggest that humour and laughter is in fact a survival tool for social animals. “Laughter not just influences a person physically, but also psychologically. It is one of the most commonly experienced emotions in our lives,” says Nandita Sarma, a counsellor and psychologist from Mumbai. “We need people who can laugh at our jokes and also people who can make us laugh. Whether it is choosing friends or partners, we prefer to associate with people who bring a lighter touch to our daily activities, as laughter makes a person feel good.”

Builds bonds You can use humour when you feel nervous or to keep long-term relationships from withering. “I had an arranged marriage and had to establish a rapport with the new person in my life and my in-laws. I realised that being serious will not help, especially in a marriage, where there will o en be conflicts. I found that using subtle humour helps to ease the situation and ensures that I get the message across to my new family members,” says Paromita Sarkar. Humour is an amazing ice breaker, especially when new relationships are being formed. Alison Miranda recounts the first family event that she took her fiancé James to: “My family decided to celebrate Mother’s day with a lunch at my 96-yearold grandmother’s house. James had already met my parents but I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for him to meet the rest of my family. My grandmother has a hearing problem, and she was silent despite all of us being there. The nurse that looks a er my grandma is somewhat superstitious and has some outdated ideas. Someone had brought mangoes for dessert, so the nurse refused to give them to her, saying she shouldn’t eat mangoes since she’d just had water. Various members of my family told her it was alright for my grandma to have the mango and that she was mixing it up with the lore of not eating watermelons a er drinking water. But she was still apprehensive about giving my grandma the mangoes. My fiancé sat quietly through all the commotion, then he turned to her and said, ‘Elsie, I’m a doctor, so I’m saying that it is fine for her to eat the mangoes, just make sure she waits for one hour before she goes swimming.’ That had everyone in splits, including my grandma who started laughing!” Alison’s family COMPLETE WELLBEING

There’s no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable. — Rufus Wainwright

are certainly looking forward to the hilarious new addition to their family.

Useful as a coping mechanism When life’s challenges leave you cold and bare, a humorous a itude can be a great coping mechanism. “When the going gets tough, the tough get humorous,” believes RamG Vallath. In the prime of his life, a serious autoimmune disorder stripped away his basic motor skills. He rebounded with the support of his family and his never-say-die a itude. He ensured that he remained positive by infusing ample humour in his conversations with his family and friends. “When I had the disorder, my hands used to shake all the time,” he says, “I made fun of it saying, ‘I used to work in sales, so I was used to shaking people’s hands all the time, and now I have developed a handshaking problem.’” Humour helped him cope during this diﬃcult phase. “While I was recovering, I started writing my first book, which was full of humour. The process of writing made me feel positive,” reveals Vallath .

Defuses tension Conflict in relationships is inevitable. Unrealistic expectations and disagreements that build over time can snowball into a major conflict. Instead of le ing a conflict wreck your relationship, we can use humour to lighten tense moments. Raviprasad illustrates how he used humour to handle an edgy situation. “When I told my family that I had proposed to a girl of my choosing, the atmosphere became quite tense. My father called me a er a few days and said, ‘Ever since your mom informed me about your engagement, I cannot sleep properly thinking about [you marrying] this girl.’ My immediate response was, ‘Dad, even I cannot sleep properly, since I too am thinking about the girl…’ My dad started laughing, which lightened the situation and he wanted to know more about the girl. Now, she is my wife and also the mother of my child,” he says with a twinkle in his eye. VOL VIII ISSUE 12 OCTOBER 2014 07

Suja Natarajan is a Bangalore-based freelance writer, specialising in lifestyle, health and parenting issues.

Humour can lessen stress, give you a fresh perspective and show you creative ways to deal with relationship issues.

Key to success at work When you spend 80 per cent of your time at work, why not make it more enjoyable with humour? Business is serious, but playful communication at the workplace contributes to be er productivity and professional success. “At work, the most important thing is to build a relationship so that the other feels comfortable with you. As we have already seen, humour is a powerful icebreaker— and it works even at our workplaces. “Whenever I walk into a meeting room, I lighten the situation with a couple of sentences that are funny. Everybody chuckles and we feel at home with the group,” says Vallath. Ranbir Singh recalls an incident when an unintentional faux pas created a rather funny situation. It was when his company sent him to Spain. He recalls, “I had to present a PowerPoint slideshow about my company to another group and they weren’t too open to the idea of working with us. Unfortunately during the presentation, the sound went oﬀ and the slide got stuck. As much as I tried, nothing seemed to be working. I was totally mortified and wanted to convey my feelings, but I had forgo en the Spanish word for ‘embarrass’. Then I remembered that most Spanish words are similar to English words, except that you add an ‘o’ or ‘a’ to end depending on the gender of the word. So I said ‘Me muy embarazado’ to apologise for the goof-up. But my apology was met with stunned silence as everyone just stared at me. My colleague then informed me that I had just told everyone that I was ‘very pregnant’! But luckily this faux pas actually endeared these people to me because they realised that I was making an eﬀort to learn their language. Today, they are my clients.”

Ways to sharpen your funny bone Not all people find the same things funny. Some researchers claim one can inherit a sense of humour, while other studies suggest that humour 08 OCTOBER 2014 VOL VIII ISSUE 12

is an acquired trait, which is dependent on your personality and your environment. Acquired or inherited, there are methods by which you can sharpen your sense of humour if you want to make your relationships be er. Here are few ways to develop your lighter side: >> Learn to laugh at yourself: Most of us are unable to laugh at ourselves, because we fear what others will think of us. But nobody is perfect, and when you laugh at yourself, people appreciate your positive a itude. Possible areas where you can focus include your mistakes, past incidents or your personality. However, excessive self-deprecating humour can indicate low self-esteem. >> Look for humour: A wi y person is aware of his surroundings and happenings. Pay a ention to detail and see the funny side in everything you do to make your humour spontaneous. >> Hang around humorous people: Remember the last time when you laughed so hard that you were in pain? Spend more time with people who are fun to be with. Humorous people tend to twist the truth in a funny way. You will learn by watching how they make others laugh, and this will help you improve your own sense of humour. >> Respond with humour: Whenever people make remarks that are meant to oﬀend you, remember that humour works be er than an angry retaliation. Once Mahatma Gandhi went to meet King George V at Buckingham Palace, when a journalist asked him, “Don’t you feel embarrassed to see the king in this scanty a ire?” To which Gandhi responded, “Why should I feel ashamed? The king has enough on for the both of us.” >> Immerse yourself in funny things: One of the easiest ways to become funnier is to fill up on a lot of humorous material—books, TV shows, movies, sites and video clips. Observe how comedians use the most trivial things for clean humour. Notice their timing, delivery and gestures. It may help you change the way you perceive things. With time and practice, you too will start coming up with your own ‘killer’ jokes. Once humour becomes part of your life, you will learn how to naturally incorporate it to build and maintain your relationships and diﬀuse potential conflicts.

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COMPLETE WELLBEING

MONTH FRESHENER Infuse life into your days WED

De-cluttering day— Give away five things that you don’t use or use sparingly.

THU

World post day Touch your friends and loved ones by posting them handwritten letters.

FRI

Take your kids to a dairy farm and let them feed the animals there.

October 2014 FRI

Buy your child a piggy bank and teach him how to save.

World smile day—Smiling is a language everyone understands. Today, smile at everyone you meet.

SAT

SUN

MON

Create your own comic book. Don’t bother about the figures and intricate details; just see how creative you can get.

SUN

Make a bird house and hang it in your balcony or on the tree in your garden.

MON

Plant a herb garden; and maintain it!

Pamper your wife by giving her some spa or salon treatment at home.

MON

TUE

Learn a few words from the dictionary and try using them in your conversations.

Make a list—it could be anything you’d want to accomplish in the coming week, maybe some crazy party ideas or even a life goal!

THU

MON

Buy a book for a friend—order it online and surprise him.

TUE

Do something creative; how about making flowers out of paper?

WED

THU

WED

Draw on a light bulb with a coloured marker and fit it in your room!

WED

THU

Prepare a budget for the upcoming month; find out how you can knock-off wasteful expenses.

FRI

Teach your dog a new trick like fetching the newspaper.

Diwali Bury all your grudges and celebrate this festival of light with a ‘light’ heart.

MY NOTE

www.completewellbeing.com

FRI

Resolve

mind & emotions

It’s time you stopped using food to numb your emotions, says Marilyn Gordon

they were missing love in their own lives, and they simply didn’t have enough to give. Anna had always thought that she’d done something wrong, that she didn’t deserve to be loved, but now she knew the real reason.

Sugar is love

Are you feeding your pain? ANNA REGULARLY ATE junk food—cookies, cakes, caﬀeine, sodas—and at times she stuﬀed herself beyond the point of return. She knew that she was destroying her health, and she desperately wanted to change these habits. But it had always been a great struggle; she was hooked to junk food. She came to see me for healing and we talked about her life. Her mind took her to a time when she was a li le girl of four, and her parents were hugging her, but she didn’t feel any love from their hearts. Her father and brother teased and humiliated her. She felt empty and unloved. But there was another part of her that was watching the scene. With her mature mind, she now understood that her mother and father felt ‘empty’ to her, not because she didn’t deserve love, but because 10 OCTOBER 2014 VOL VIII ISSUE 12

I asked her to trace back to the past and find another picture in her memory. She went to a time when she was 10, and she was si ing at the table eating chocolate cake. Her mother had always given her this when she had been a good girl. The cake tasted so great! Her mother made it, and the sugar was ‘love from Mom’. It felt good; Anna knew her mother liked her if she could have dessert or treats. She desperately wanted to please her mom, and eating her mom’s cake definitely pleased mom. She was happy eating that cake, and life was okay. She now saw how much the sugar was equated to mother-love. She then went forward many years in her imagination, and she saw a picture of her boyfriend leaving her for another woman, and now she realised that she had been ‘eating herself up’ about this for years in order to fill the gaping holes. She was having many revelations… gaining wisdom for her essence that was helping to heal her. She looked at her habitual thoughts. “Here’s the first one,” she said, “‘Nothing is all right.’ And the next: ‘Life is not fair and no good.’ And, ‘What’s the use?’” These were words she o en heard from her father and also the part of her own mind that she tried to stuﬀ down with food. A voice in her mind constantly told her to eat all the cookies she wanted. I asked her to experience her strength now and to talk to that old compulsive voice. She said to it: “I’m in charge now. There’s no way you can get me to eat those cookies when I’m not hungry. I get to decide. You can be creative instead of destructive. You can stop eating those cookies now.” COMPLETE WELLBEING

LeĴing your essence guide you Another time, I asked her to go to the place of guidance within herself to give herself some more understanding of her situation. Her essence spoke to her in the form of her inner wisdom: “You o en eat when you’re lonely. Your loneliness is a spur to help you grow. Blocking or numbing it with food only hinders you. Accept your loneliness, your boredom, your anger and your grief. Work with these feelings; let yourself feel them, and then come back to the love.” I spoke to her deeper mind, and said, “You don’t have to feed yourself junk any more. When you were li le, sugar was a reward. The people in your family showed their love through sweet food, but it’s not a reward any more. You can reward yourself in new ways now. You can give yourself love and nurturing. You can reward yourself by eating wholesome, healthy, delicious food in moderate amounts. You’re not a li le girl anymore, and the old ways are over. The rewards you get now are 10 times greater. You deserve them, no ma er how many things you did that weren’t good. You deserve nurturing because your essence is goodness. Anna then got a spontaneous image of herself out on a cliﬀ overlooking the ocean. She watched the waves roll onto the beach and out again. The clouds were floating peacefully above her. She felt a peaceful presence that brought her back to herself once again.

Finding a greater comfort Eating is not only a necessity; it’s a ‘comfort habit’, a habit that seems to make you feel at ease and secure. Other such habits that seem to create comfort are smoking, drugtaking, overeating, junk eating, nail biting, hair twirling, and drinking. These habits are a empts to alter consciousness. Many of these are habits in which you are trying to fill that primal need of the infant in the arms of its mother, warmly sucking on her breast as COMPLETE WELLBEING

she loves you in a peaceful idyllic way. You long for this ultimate satisfaction, for comfort and security and love. You long to be the infant at peace, and you seek to create that state by pu ing something into your mouth, into your body, to quiet your tension-filled mind. It seems to work for a short while, but it has long term repercussions and many negative eﬀects.

The underlying issues of food addiction The roots of most food problems stem from basic human issues of love and self-esteem. Food is used to fill emptiness and loneliness, to mask self-hatred and shame, to find comfort and pleasure, to tranquilise—so many reasons. When you know of other ways to get your needs met and your problems solved, food ceases to be the only alternative. Not everyone has experienced the lack of early nurturing. Some people have a simple physiological addiction to sweets or carbohydrates or fats. But for others, the addiction is compounded with the satisfaction of these deeper needs. The primary principle here is that you have the capacity in your adult years to bring yourself what may have been missing earlier in your life.

Beating your inner gremlin When you know it may be some ‘gremlin’ or some lonely li le kid that, as a part of you, is eating all those cookies, you get to make the decision about how you handle the ma er. You can give the ‘gremlin’ or the child some other way to play or get nurtured—and you can eat to satisfy a more evolved part of yourself. You can talk to these parts to remind them that they do not have the ultimate power over you. When you can centre yourself in your essence, then you can eat with greater awareness of who you’re really nourishing.

Marilyn Gordon is a teacher, author, speaker, healer, hypnotherapist and personal and spiritual development school founder. She enjoys helping people reach higher levels of their lives and helps them to create extraordinary transformation.

VOL VIII ISSUE 12 OCTOBER 2014 11

Decide

career & workplace

The pursuit of happiness at work As a leader of people, you need to remove obstacles and encourage happiness in every facet of your business, says Karl Staib

IT’S NOT EASY to lead someone to do what you want them to and get them to enjoy doing it. I know this well because I’ve always been a hard person to lead. I like to do things my way. But I also know that I’m not the only one who feel this way. A lot of us like to do things our way or at least feel like we are the ones in control, making our choices. That is why, in my experience of leading others, one of the key things I focus on is the ‘happiness’ of the employee. Some employees may love complete autonomy while others are happier to have a more structured day. Depending on the person you are leading, you need to help him or her create the type of workday that makes them happy and feel productive. Happiness is based on perception. It’s how your employees perceive their power to make choices that truly ma er to them. If they have control over the kind of projects that they

12 OCTOBER 2014 VOL VIII ISSUE 12

would like to work on for a large portion of their day, they will be happy. They need to have the freedom to execute their ideas, the space to grow and expand. When people own their choices, they also own the responsibility to deliver on their promises. As a leader in your organisation, think about what you derive happiness from. Who do you enjoy delivering great work to? It could be a co-worker, boss or customer. Ask yourself: Why do you think you work harder to deliver these results for them? Your response will help you understand the importance of emotions at work—yours and other people’s.

True leadership So you want an atmosphere that encourages great work? We all do. Most bosses and managers talk a good game, but they don’t create a plan to make it happen. Almost every CEO I have worked for always talked about the importance of their people, but their actions did not match their words. They were always more worried about their own issues. I know how important it is to make money, improve profit margins, keep stock holders happy, but if the employees aren’t happy, sooner or later the bo om line will suﬀer.

My mistakes A few years ago, I was assigned to lead an event that my company was hosting. This meant that I had the responsibility of roping in the speakers [from within and outside the organisation], looking a er the set up of the conference room, creating a programme schedule, gathering materials, promoting the conference and all the other laborious tasks that come with hosting a big event. As soon as I got to work, I began delegating tasks and ticking them oﬀ my checklist. A er terrible results in the first few weeks I stopped to take a breather. My problem had been that I was blindly assigning people to jobs without asking for their input or preferences. I gathered everyone for a meeting and asked for their feedback and experiences in the past few weeks. Their feedback shocked me. I found

COMPLETE WELLBEING

out from them that I had delegated tasks to people who had no interest or knowledge in carrying out those tasks. I then realised that I had a lot of improvement to make as a leader.

Ownership One of the ways I’ve found that make people happy in their workplace is when they can create their own plan. It helps them improve their ability to understand the choices they do have [perceived freedom]. As a leader you can help them execute their ideas and encourage them to work on their mistakes. The problem lies in helping them execute so they have the best chance at success.

Techniques for happiness and success As a leader of people, you need to remove obstacles and encourage happiness in every facet of your business. I’ve created some techniques that will enable you to help your company be happy and successful: 1. Be happy yourself 2. Know your people and make time for them 3. Create more autonomy 4. Help them find meaning in their work 5. Encourage friendships 6. Recognise and reward hard work 7. Let people know that they have options 8. Find out why people leave. These are concepts that are easy to understand, but may be hard to apply to your company’s culture. Let’s start with liĴle steps. Once you’ve been able to bring a liĴle more happiness into your own life and career, which isn’t easy but should be daily pursuit, you can move on to making your employees happy. The best way to do this is the four-step employee happiness process: 1. Ask them, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you in your current job and role? [1 being you would rather lose a foot than continue working here and 10 being happier than a baby giggling.] 2. Ask them, how can I make you happier? What projects are you struggling with and

COMPLETE WELLBEING

what projects would you like to do more of? [Let’s say on the scale of happiness they are a four, then you can ask them how you can help them to get to a five or six. Make it feel aĴainable and meet their expectations.] 3. Listen to their responses and be honest about where you could probably help them and where it might not be possible at this time.

Karl Staib is a career strategist and speaker who helps people unlock their career happiness. If you enjoyed this article, check out his Unlock Your Passions e-course

4. Ask them if they can create a plan with two projects that they would like to work on [no more than 500 words] that would help them feel happier as well as help the company. Make sure that they provide a step-by-step plan of how they will implement the projects [timeframe, resources and breakdown of tasks] and what they think the results would be aĞer the project is complete. You will have to review the plan, pick the best project—or tell them why neither will fit into the company’s vision. If it’s the laĴer case, give them guidelines to create a beĴer project for themselves and the company. But if they did their due diligence, your job is just to review the plan, make mutual adjustments and help them implement their idea. It seems preĴy simple, but it needs commitment and persistence. As leaders we don’t schedule the time to listen to our people and help them become happier. It’s the most basic need that will help you get the best results from your people. Now the hardest part; schedule a happiness meeting with just one employee at a time. Tell him/her that you would like to schedule a ‘happy meeting’ to help them feel happier at work. Let them know how it will work. I suggest only 20 minutes and stick to it. Ask them when would be a good time for them and schedule it accordingly. Watch how a smile comes over their face. This alone will encourage you to do have ‘happiness meetings’ with more of your people. The best part is it’s a win-win. You have happier employees and you get beĴer results.

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Trending this month

The law of attraction

Thefinalpiece of the puzzle

Perhaps nothing has enamoured—and disillusioned—as many people as the law of aĴraction since it suddenly came into the limelight a few years ago. It promised the moon to the believers and yet most of them discovered, much to their dismay, that it doesn’t work. Was their disillusionment right or were they missing something? Manoj Khatri answers.

“The law of floatation was not discovered by the contemplation of the sinking of things.” —Thomas Troward

JACK JONES WAS a frustrated man who had come to accept struggle as part and parcel of life. He believed that no ma er what his goals, he must work hard and do everything possible to get there. But life had been diﬃcult and success seemed to elude him in all areas. The more he tried, the more impossible it seemed. He was a chain smoker and had received warnings from his doctor to quit or else… but somehow he was unable to let go of this harmful habit. He had been struggling with his weight and his relationship with his wife was stressful. Over the past few years, his work too had le him feeling unfulfilled and unsuccessful. He was angry at his body, unhappy with his marriage and frustrated with his work; and yet all his a empts to change his life yielded no result. He wondered why his sincere eﬀorts and resolve were not working. 14 OCTOBER 2014 VOL VIII ISSUE 12

COMPLETE WELLBEING

VOL VIII ISSUE 12 OCTOBER 2014 15

Manoj Khatri

likes to call himself an eternal soul disguised as a writer. He has to his credit more than 1000 published articles on topics ranging from art and culture to business strategy and everything in between. He is the author of the critically acclaimed book What a thought! He is the editor and publisher of Complete Wellbeing.

Then one day, a friend introduced him to the law of AĴraction [LoA]. Jack suddenly found his answers. It seemed that LoA was the panacea he was waiting for—he was hooked. Over the next few months, Jack read every book he could on the subject. He aĴended workshops and seminars and was even beginning to see some positive results—which, unfortunately, didn’t last. A year later, Jack Jones was still struggling, feeling hopeless about his life, more frustrated than ever, and angry that LoA had failed him.

Hoax or real? “Thoughts become things,” said Mike Dooley, a former PricewaterhouseCoopers consultant, in the 2006 hit docufilm The Secret. Such clever phrases, sprinkled throughout the film, played a big part in making LoA one of the biggest trends in the last decade or so. Millions excitedly jumped onto the LoA bandwagon, only to be disappointed when they realised that it doesn’t work—at least not for them. Many [like Jack in the story above] excitedly embraced LoA only to throw up their hands in disgust, and return to their old workhard-to-make-money mindset. Because they could not produce consistent results with LoA, they felt that it was unreliable. There were those who, aĞer their initial enthusiasm waned, allowed their rationalisation to take over and ended up aĴributing their successes to sheer coincidence. Then there were people who reported losing their sense of balance trying to control their incessant thoughts; these poor souls began to correlate everything that happened in their life with LoA in their aĴempts to ensure that they don’t inadvertently aĴract what they don’t want. So is LoA a hoax? Is it a cunning ploy used by smart people to sell dreams to the vast majority of gullible

People believe that thoughts materialise into things in some magical sort of way, and this belief feeds many myths around LoA 16 OCTOBER 2014 VOL VIII ISSUE 12

people who are struggling to make their lives work? In my experience, the answer is NO. LoA is not a hoax; it is a sound concept that works for you always, but only if you really understand how it works. This article is my aĴempt to de-mystify LoA, so that it becomes accessible to everyone— including the sceptics. But before we understand how it works, let’s try and figure out what made the idea of LoA so alluring and how the ‘marketing’ of LoA took away from its real power.

The LoA appeal The law of aĴraction is a New Thought belief based on the notion that like aĴracts like. Positive thoughts aĴract positive situations and people; likewise, negative thoughts bring undesirable situations and people. In other words, our thoughts create our reality. The fact that our thoughts are responsible for our life situation is an idea that resonates with most people. It makes them feel empowered and in control of their life. With LoA, their needs, wants and desires can easily fructify—all they have to do is visualise the outcome they desire, think repeatedly about it, and maintain a joyous emotional disposition at all times. For many people, the appeal of LoA has been in its miraculous quality. The Secret and many other subsequent films, books and articles have packaged LoA in a way that lead you to believe that all you need is to ‘think’ what you want and then wait for it to materialise. Simply visualise the outcome you desire, impress it upon your subconscious and the Universe makes it happen. LoA has even been likened to a genie that fulfils your every demand. And who can resist the idea of his own personal genie? COMPLETE WELLBEING

LoA has been likened to a genie; such metaphors have made LoA appear mystical and have turned off many

The flaw is in the packaging I think the biggest flaw that most LoA experts have been making is marketing it as a magic wand to a ract goodies into our lives. Such an approach both mystifies and trivialises LoA. The underlying premise of LoA is that everything is made up of energy including our thoughts; hence, our thoughts manifest our reality. Proponents of LoA use this logic to explain how LoA works. Many of them try to lend it further credibility by throwing in a good measure of science into their explanations. For example, some mention legitimate quantum physics concepts like the observer eﬀect [1] to prove the valid-

[1]

The observer eﬀect that states that the act of observing aﬀects what is being observed

COMPLETE WELLBEING

ity of LoA. In my opinion, such a empts add to the enchanting aura that surrounds LoA and make it even more fascinating to people. It begins to look like something supernatural and extraordinary. People believe that thoughts materialise into things in some magical sort of way, and this belief feeds many myths around LoA. This grand aura may help the cause of marketing LoA but at the cost of its real potency. And because these concepts are unverifiable, they put oﬀ many sceptics, who rubbish the whole idea of manifesting.

So how does LoA actually work? In its bare bones, LoA states that whatever we focus upon expands. When we give our full a ention to something— anything—its influence on our lives grows. As an example, if you have two saplings, and choose to water only one of them, guess which one will grow to become a fruit-bearing tree? Thoughts too are like saplings—those that you nourish are the only ones that flourish. Seen from this perspective, Mike Dooley is right; thoughts do become things. In her classic book The Game of Life, Florence Scovel Shinn gives an example of this: A poor man was walking along a road when he met a VOL VIII ISSUE 12 OCTOBER 2014 17

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