‘IT’S FINALLY ALL ABOUT ME’
40
Clare O’Reilly is a journalist who lives in Plymouth with husband, Jon, and three children, Eddie, 15, Sammy, 11, and Annie, eight. As someone who spent her first four decades desperately trying to fit in, the day I hit 40 felt like an epiphany – like I had finally arrived. I’d met Jon at 23, and my 20s and 30s were spent raising our children and trying to establish a career and financial security. I was working excessively long hours in Australia, New York and London around childcare arrangements. Put bluntly, life was about everyone else but me, yet at 40, for the first time, I feel like I’m in a position where the hard work, sleepless nights and tears (mine, not the children’s!) are paying off. I’ve become slightly selfish, making things more about me and less about the brood or ‘him indoors’. The Clare of my youth was a people pleaser – she’d go out when she didn’t want to, forgo what she wanted, in order to keep everyone else happy – but the Clare of today can please herself without upsetting anyone. I’ve discovered that the two things aren’t mutually exclusive. Turning 40 is a privilege denied to many. I’ve lost friends who died way before they should have, and I’ve watched others bury their own children. It’s a cliché for a reason – life really is too short for regrets. I’m here and healthy and gloriously happy. I’ve lived a life of good fortune, but I’ve worked hard for it, so now life can be ‘AAM’ – All About Me!
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WOMANMAGAZINE.CO.UK
‘BRING ON THE FUTURE!
50
Carolyn Coles runs a holistic market stall and lives in Bishop’s Stortford with her husband, Brian, 49. They have two children, Leanne, 26, and Jack, 19. I was in my late teens when my dad, Edward, then 41, suffered a stroke. As his health deteriorated, I became his carer. I married Brian in 1992 at the age of 23, and the following year, we had our daughter Leanne. I spent the next 16 years juggling motherhood with looking after Dad, until he passed away in 2009. By then, I was also mum to Jack, nine, and with him and Leanne, then 16, at school, I suddenly had more time. I’d always been interested in alternative medicine, so I trained as a holistic therapist. My dream was to launch a business selling crystals, but I lacked confidence, so floated through the next few years directionless. Last September, with my 50th birthday looming, I gave myself a stern talking to. Apart from my two wonderful kids, I had little to show for half a century. ‘It’s time to challenge yourself,’ I thought. So, in the October, I set up a stall at the local market, selling crystals, incense and Himalayan salt lamps. Becoming a businesswoman overnight was overwhelming and I was anxious, but people loved my little stall. Most of my adult life was spent caring for others, and I’d had little time to get to know myself. Now I feel like I’m starting again. I’m not just a mum and wife – I’m Carolyn, too. At 50, I don’t fret about others’ opinions. I’m excited for the future and can’t wait to see what I’m brave enough to experience and achieve.
