Amy Lightowler, 32 fro … m u m a e b to le b a e b r e ev n ’d e sh t h g u tho
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had a rough time of it believe it - time seemed to ooking around the lately,’ he soothed. stand still. room whilst at my He was so kind and ‘What do you mean?’ I asked, understanding and from friend Mark’s house party, my eyes fixed on a trying to find the words. then on, we became I was only 26. familiar face. inseparable. The doctor explained my ‘Hey Amy, how are you?’ Mark was exactly what FSH hormone levels were Mark beamed. I needed, and our high, and my chances of having friendship soon It was summer 2014 and I children were limited. hadn’t seen him in years. blossomed into I was heartbroken. He was an old friend and I something more. By the time I rang my mum only really caught up with him Before long, he was when one of us organised a get- Gill, now 64, I was hysterical. joining me at all my ‘Calm down, it’s going to be together with everyone. hospital appointments OK’ she reassured. We had lots to catch up on with fertility doctors. But I couldn’t and as the night ‘There’s only a one per help it. went on, we didn’t cent chance you’ll have All I ever wanted stop talking. children naturally, but to be was a mum, ‘What have you you could try IVF,’ the and the thought of been up to?’ he specialist explained. that not happening asked me. ‘If you’re going to try, was devastating. ‘I’ve been living in it’s now or never.’ To make matters London,’ I told him. It was a lot to take in. worse, my ‘But I’ve had to Mark and I had only relationship was only hanging move back home to my mum’s been together for a couple on by a thread. house now.’ of months. My partner and I decided to Earlier that year, everything Most people in our call it quits, and I moved back seemed to go wrong for me. situation would be to Bedfordshire with Mum. I’d just bought a house with enjoying the honeymoon In the space of a few my long-term boyfriend and stage, but we didn’t have months, I’d lost my was working freelance in TV. that chance. house, my relationship Juggling the move and my But I knew Mark and my chances of job all at the same time, I was was the one and he having a baby. feeling incredibly stressed. felt the same. As Mark and I I hadn’t had a period for ‘Let’s do it,’ he chatted away at the nearly three months, but encouraged. party, I told him assumed it was down to With that, we everything. everything that was going on. started the process. ‘Sounds like you’ve I went to my GP just to I wasn’t entitled to double check. treatment on the ‘We’ll run NHS because I hadn’t some blood fully gone through tests to be menopause yet, so sure,’ the Mark and I had to doctor said. pay ourselves. I thought Each month little more of we made our it until my way down to doctor called a the clinic and few weeks I was later. scanned ‘You’re for eggs. going ‘You don’t into early have any this menopause,’ I couldn’t help month so we he explained, but worry can’t try yet,’ I bluntly. was told the first We tried everything I couldn’t time. I heard the
WORDS BY ROSIE CRASS AND LUCY BRYANT PHOTOS: SWNS
Being a mum was all I ever wanted
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Proud new parents
same thing every time we went. After months of scans, we both finally gave up. We’d spent over £4000 and were feeling pretty drained from it all. ‘We’ll try something else,’ Mark said, gently. My sister kindly volunteered to donate her eggs, but she didn’t have enough either. ‘I’m going to go down the natural route instead,’ I said to my mum. ‘I’ll be as healthy as I can.’ With that, I tried everything I could to give my eggs the best possible chance. I didn’t eat meat, only ate organic food and was taking all sorts of supplements. Wincing as I knocked back another wheatgrass drink, I never gave up hope. Month after month, I kept taking pregnancy tests. Each one was negative. ‘It’s never going to happen is it?’ I asked Mark, thoroughly depressed about it all. ‘It will,’ he’d say, trying to
