SECRE T COMMUNIT Y UNE A R THED! ...SOR TA BREATHAS HUNT FOR A BRIGHT FUTURE AT THE OTAGO MUSEUM

BY HUGH ASKERUD – ART BY DAN VAN LITH

Athletics aren't necessarily synonymous with student life. Sport New Zealand attests to this, claiming weekly participation in sporting activity drops from 98% to 75% at the age of 18. Despite these staggering statistics, the question remains: how do breathas remain so skinny in spite of such unhealthy eating habits? Surely it’s not the Domino’s diet keeping them gaunt, so perhaps there is something greater at play. What if Sport New Zealand aren’t looking at the bigger picture? What if they aren’t looking at the right kind of sport?

After wrestling with this issue for nights on end, Critic Te Ārohi finally figured it out. Within the student body there exists a secret sport played by hundreds, if not thousands, of breathas - by conservative estimation. No, it's not rugby, you horse. Nor is it beer pong. It is, in fact, the sport humbly known as ‘treasure hunting’. The breathas’ beloved treasure hunting generally occurs during the school holidays when the Otago Museum hosts a treasure hunt for literal children to complete around the different museum galleries. Participants are given clues as to where answers may hide, and on completion of the hunt are presented with a lollipop the colour of the participants choosing.

To some, the sport may sound ridiculous. One student said, “That sounds so fucking stupid.” This is what Critic Te Ārohi thought as well before witnessing a pair of students sprinting through the museum, unaware of the children and parents around them. Before we could chase the eager treasure hunting breathas down for an interview, they were gone - lollipops likely in tow. At the beckoning of this profound sight, Critic Te Ārohi wondered: have the community of existing treasure hunters shut themselves off from the rest of the student population, fearful that their sport may be tarnished by unruly outsiders? With this in mind, we endeavoured to hunt down the underground community and expose the secret student sport keeping breathas slim.

Ex-museum staff member Georgia appeared to be unaware: “I’ve got no clue what the holiday programme treasure hunts are!” When asked if the sport had been institutionalised by the University, Hannah*, a member of staff at the museum, responded warmly that “we haven’t got around to it yet. I think a whole bunch of students running around the museum probably isn’t a good idea, especially in the school holidays.”