Moot Times: November 2016

The Moot Times The University of Calgary Law Student Newspaper | November 2016 Edition

CHRIS GREEN’S TOP-10 COVER LETTER TIPS Move over Maryanne, there’s a new career advisor in town and he’s got some ideas.

Chris Green 2L Career Advisor

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here are no ifs, ands or buts; the biggest part of law school is being able to find yourself a job. A major part of succeeding in this goal is ensuring that you have a proper cover letter that attracts attention and professionally establishes yourself.

To put it simply, the cover letter is an integral part of any job application and making sure you have a good one is of the utmost importance.

In light of this, I have decided to compile some research and personal experience to help YOU craft the perfect cover letter.

Tip 10: Have your name on the actual cover letter.

A common mistake students make is putting a different form of identification on the letter that isn’t their name.

It’s not uncommon to find students accidentally signing their cover letter with their student ID #, fantasy football team name, old Xbox Live gamertag or even old MSN Messenger name.

Remember, employers want your actual name when they read your cover letter because it is your main source of identification in current society. When you proof-

This is Chris Green. He knows what he is talking about, so read closely. read your cover letter, look for your birth name and not “**_____a s h l e y </3 && makin my way downt o w n..**”, “Xx420DragonKillaxX” or “The Forte Year old Virgin”. It happens more than you think!

Tip 9: Always make sure you proofread the cover letter on a separate day from when you wrote it.

It has practically become a truism amongst neuropsychologists that the brain in-

terprets information it has already reviewed with less rigour when it is reading something new. This means it is easier to make mistakes when reading something you have already read over multiple times. There is good news, though. In 2015, a study published in the Harvard Psychology journal basically concluded that anywon who isn’t a total dumbass will make sure there document is is free of typos and spellin g errors before submitting it to be

read by the another person.

So as long as your not a total dumbass you should be fine.

Tip 8: Open your cover letter with a Karl Marx quote.

A lot of students think that law is just a bourgeoisie affair.

Well, they are wrong! You never know when a you will find a recruiter who is itching for an enthusiastic summer student that is also aware of how class struggle is formed through capitalism.

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Moot Times The law student newspaper at the University of Calgary.

Gettin’ legal since 2008.

Senior Managing Editor Janna Crown Copy Editor Amy Matychuk Layout Editor Curtis Wolff Treasurer Tim Horon Contributors Chris Green Hayley Rushford Lyndon Radchenka Stuart Mair Jesse Standing Megan Visentin Michelle De Cambra Chya Mogerman Yasmine Al-Zaman Contact Email jannacrown@gmail. com with news submissions, story ideas.

Disclaimer The opinions and articles expressed within are not those of the University of Calgary, Faculty of Law. The Moot Times is an independent publication, run by students for students. Don’t even think about suing us. We will hire, like, the best lawyer.

Contributor of the Month November’s contributor of the month is everyone who got shafted last month because the Layout Editor is a total goober and attributed half the articles to the wrong volunteer. My bad. I would buy you a beer but I ran out of student loan $$$. Maybe next semester.

Also Jesse Standing for eating all this weird shit.

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Cover letter tips, continued from cover Not only will you stand out to Leninist/Marxist recruiters, but you will also show the firm you’re applying to that you are a TEAM player (in the sense that you demand a work environment that doesn’t exploit surplus production from its employees).

Tip 7: Write your cover letter like an e e cummings poem.

Any idiot can sit down for 20 minutes and tell you why they are fit for the job…but can they manipulate punctuation and typography in order to convey their personal reflections on a firm? When a recruiter first sees your cover letter they might think “what the hell is this?” However, after spending a few hours reading into the subtext, they will understand what you’re trying to convey and likely think you are brilliant. Don’t be afraid to touch on topics such as your ability to manage time or the transcendental nature of romance.

Tip 6: Mail your cover letter with scratch and sniff banana stickers.

It’s no mystery that the sweet scent of banana has been known to produce a surge of endorphins. If the recruiter gets a whiff of those banana stickers when they’re reading your cover letter, science says you have a 15% greater chance of kicking ass.

Tip 5: Trick the recruiter into thinking you are from the future.

If you’re anything like me, your marks, work experience, personality, writing skills and reputation are definitely not getting you the job. Have no

fear, though! You just have to get a bit more creative! This tip is simple: if the recruiter thinks you’re from the future and you have travelled to the past for a dire purpose, they will be more likely to hire you. Imagine opening a cover letter with the hook: “I come from the year 2074 and am here to tell you that if I don’t get this summer student position a nuclear holocaust will be triggered”… would you want to be “that guy” who forces mass human extinction? Didn’t think so!

Tip 4: Post a photo of a recent Pinterest recipe you made on Sunday afternoon.

Did you find a 5 ingredient dessert that looks cool and decide to spend your afternoon making it? Well guess what, it’s not just everyone on your social media that gives a shit.

Firms give a shit too! The next time you make a strawberry Jell-O cup with fruit and whipped cream don’t be afraid to share a photo collage on your cover letter. Make sure to include hashtags!

Tip 3: Ask Woolley to do it.

Just try it.

Tip 2: Prove to the recruiter your critical think-

ing and advocacy skills by refuting Donald Trump’s policies.

You want to show firms that you have a brain? Well, how about you point out flaws in the current Republican presidential candidate’s policies and behaviours? I bet they will be awestruck at your ability to challenge a man of such prestige and high social standing.

Tip 1: Write and sign your cover letter in goat’s blood, honouring Gorgothera Lord of the Underworld.

A lot of students like to stress that they’re not afraid to sacrifice a little bit of work/life balance in pursuit of their career. While that quality might stand out to a recruiter, you want to be a student that’s willing to sacrifice their work/after-life balance. Offering your time only works until you’re dead. Offering your eternal soul shows a firm that you’re committed to an eternity in flames in order to gain valuable legal experience. You’ve tried mastering exams, you’ve tried volunteering for experience, you’ve even taken a few people out for coffee…why not try summoning the wicked powers of the occult?

1L ADVICE: A COLLECTION OF OPINIONS SO FAR “Don’t go to Vegas in the middle of the semester if you don’t want to contract strep throat.”

Lyndon Radchenka 1L

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veryone has advice for you when you start law school. These are the basics: “Everyone learns in their own way.”

“Not everyone gets to be an A student anymore.”

(Joke’s on you, I was always a B student.)

“Trying to catch up on the reading is a lot more difficult than managing to keep up with the readings.”

If you’re like me, you tried to learn more about the law school experience before you got to law school. You might have read Getting to Maybe or spent hours online reading forum posts, trying to get a feel for just what you were about to get yourself into. My favourite advice coming into school was titled “The Essential 0L Summer Guide,” which, among other things, included the line “get a sunburn, a hangover, and consider a hook-up you may or may not regret.”

Then you get to law school, and suddenly you actually have to get into gear. As you work your way through the first month of classes, there is no shortage of people telling you their opinion on the best way to succeed. This advice includes: “Read everything, go to class, and make your own notes.”

“Do all of your reading

If you spend your entire semester in Vegas you’re probably doing something wrong. during the week, and take the weekends off.”

“Do not take any days off.”

“Just use the CANs,” or what is perhaps the best piece of advice I heard, from an articling student at an unnamed large firm: “You don’t need to go to every class, or do all the reading. If you don’t function in the mornings, just sleep in.”

To discover what we all actually learned in that first month of classes, I asked the first year students. Here are some of the best (which sometimes just means the most confusing) quotes straight from them: “I’ve learned that the phrase ‘don’t let law school get in the way of learning to be a lawyer’ will get smiles and nods from some people and frowns/eye rolls from others.”

“I’ve learned that judges

may not always be athletic, but they’re always acrobatic.”

“I’ve learned that common sense and the common law have very little in common.”

“The Supreme Court is always right. Unless they’re wrong,” and relatedly, “The Supreme Court is always right. Unless they use ‘Super Sucky Reasoning’”.

As for me, I’ve learned that no matter how much I think I understand the material, every time I join the class discussion, I’m wrong.

Another first year revelation: “When your prof tells you “A+” in class, you might not actually be getting that grade. Don’t go to Vegas in the middle of the semester if you don’t want to contract strep throat, and whatever you do, if you’re not going to back up your notes, make sure you’ve shared them with

the whole class already.”

What I’m getting at here is that there is no safe way to make it through the first year of law school. I’ve read that the first year can be compared to a hazing or likened to boot camp, where students are forced to reshape the way they think. On more than one occasion we’ve been told “I’m going to teach you to think like a lawyer,” which is not an easy thing to learn.

So far it seems like the most important thing we can learn might actually be how, for the first time, to really deal with doubting ourselves--because selfdoubt doesn’t seem like it’ll go away any time soon. Law school is filled with brilliant students that shone in their past degrees or jobs (that’s supposed to be how we got in).

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1L advice, continued from page 3 No doubt you worked hard to get here, but your success also required the self-confidence to know that you were going to overcome your challenges. Being here is the next challenge. Everyone tells you how much your first year grades matter, and in a short period of time, you need to not only understand the material, but learn how to utilise it. You also need to get used to your entire breadth of knowledge being measured in two

3-hour exam slots.

There are two quotes I have left to share still. The first one is from a professor, and another from a practicing lawyer.

The first is: “You’re all bright students, or else you wouldn’t be here.

What’s going to separate all of you is how much work you’re willing to put in.”

“You need to not worry so much. Everyone gets a job in the end.”

Does all of what I’m saying

have a unifying message? Not really. Just that at some point you’re going to have to stop worrying about every little thing and you’re going to have to start enjoying the ride. The books are going to stack up, and you’re going to stack selfdoubt and existential dread on top of them, but in the end everyone is going to make it out of law school alive. The fact that you were smart enough to get in means that you’re smart enough to succeed in

the real world (which doesn’t bear much resemblance to law school).

The last thing you learn early in law school is that the term “regular sleep schedule” truly has no meaning. You treat your work like I’m treating this article. Sometimes it’s the middle of the night when you’re working and sleep waits until the work is done. Maybe there’s at least one thing we learn in school that’s similar to real practice, after all.

A 1L’S FIRST SLA COURT APPEARANCE Just spelling your name and letting the Crown take care of the rest is a victory.

Michelle De Cambra 1L

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or the two weeks leading up to my first SLA court date, I lived in a state of constant fear. If I couldn’t even do an oral presentation in front of one 2L without sweating through my suit, how in the world was I going to advocate for my client in a court of law?

Luckily, I had Jeanine Zahara to save me from completely botching my first appearance. She created a script for me and walked me through every detail of going to court. She significantly reduced my stress levels. I woke up early the morning of the court date and made it onto the train without incident. It was at this point that I realized that I had no idea how to recognize who the Crown lawyer was. Once again, an SLA mentor saved me.

For the next hour and a half, I sat in the court room, a bundle of nerves, waiting for my case to be called. At one point an articling student, who was also waiting behind the bar, asked me how SLA was treating me, and I was too nervous to contribute to the conversation like a normal person, so I just sat there.

Finally my case was called, I was given permission to cross the bar, and I delivered my mere 5-minute speech. The judge was so kind and never

stopped smiling encouragingly at me. When I finished I was feeling quite smug about having made it through my first court appearance, until I was informed that I needed to go up to another courtroom and consult the Crown there on an additional issue for my client.

I was innocently sitting in my second courtroom of the day, watching the proceedings and waiting for a break to consult the Crown, when I heard the clerk call the name of my

client and then my name.

Dumbfounded, I walked to the bar and, in a state of disoriented shock, forgot how to speak. After seconds of silence the Judge and Crown both simultaneously waved me forward. I cannot honestly recall what happened next.

I vaguely remember attempting to spell my own last name for the record and then the Crown kindly offering to explain the matter to the judge for me. And that was it, my first day in court was done.

All the nerves and fear were for nothing. I left the courthouse feeling useful for the first time since I started law school. It was so rewarding to feel like all this disembodied knowledge had finally been used for something quantifiable--like I had already made a small difference. It gave me some understanding of how rewarding a career practicing law could be.

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STAYING SANE WITH LAW EXAM BRAIN In case you haven’t noticed yet, November is super sucky. How will you survive?

Hayley Rushford 2L

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et’s admit it: apart from the joys that Movember brings, November is a subpar month.

You’re finishing up classes (probably working through the hardest content of the semester), it’s freezing and grey outside, and every day, you’re closer to exam time.

This month can definitely be a low point in the year if you let it. So instead of boring you with ways to plan out a study schedule or how to deal with hours on end spent in the library, I thought I might entertain you with some unconventional advice.

The first thing is to get outside: that crisp, icy air will wake you up from the trance you might have fallen into just trying to get through this month. Give yourself a little space to breathe and send some much needed fresh air towards those brain cells.

I know the suggestion of spending time in twenty-five below seems highly counterintuitive, but that’s the whole point. We often don’t realize how starved we are for some high quality oxygen during these months because we hibernate and travel indoors whenever possible. We’ve got some of the cleanest air in the world out here, don’t waste it. It’ll make a huge difference if you bundle up and get out-

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side for even just an hour.

Plus, winter is such a great time for outdoor activities. Go for a skate in the Olympic Oval right here on campus, check out Olympic Plaza at night for a chill evening out, or spend a couple hours walking through Zoolights (light show at the Calgary Zoo).

If you want to kick up your outdoor time a few notches head to the Rockies, one of the only places in the world that looks like it was made for winter. Take a day trip to Canmore or Banff, hit the slopes for some exercise, or keep it low-key with some dog-sledding, snowshoeing, or cross-country skiing. We are a winter country…might

as well make the most of it!

The second piece of advice is that this month is a great month to start trying new things. It’s so easy to get burnt out at this time of year and stimulating yourself with something outside your comfort zone, or something you’ve always wanted to try, is a good way to avoid losing steam before the end of the month. Whatever you choose to do can serve as a welcome distraction and give you something positive to focus on. I especially recommend hot yoga for a blast of temperatures you’ll have forgotten are even possible in this deepfreeze, or ‘floating’ to re-create the feeling of being at the beach.

Finally, treat yourself. Indulge in some hot chocolate by a fire, spend some time connecting with friends outside of school, read a good book, listen to a new album, whatever. Sometimes, going back to the basics is all you need to refresh and reset. At this time of year, the first thing that slips is taking care of ourselves.

Do the little things to keep yourself happy so you’re well-rested and in a good state of mind heading into December. If all else fails, building a snowman, making a snow-angel, or having a good old-fashioned snowball fight seem to be pretty failsafe ways to find that wintry silver lining.

COFFEE CORNER Chya Mogerman The Moot Times is excited to present Coffee Corner, featuring Chya Mogerman, who will review Calgary’s coffee shops on behalf of every law student who’s ever needed a quiet place, a power outlet, and caffeine in an IV. Caffee Beano 1613 9 St SW Hours: M-Th 6am-11pm, F 6am-12am, S 7am-12am, Su 7am-10pm Items Ordered: London Fog, Bagel with Cream Cheese and Tomato Thoughts: Caffee Beano is the kind of coffee shop that feels like a second-hand wool sweater: not too precious, but hip when paired with the right pair of glasses with oversized frames (said

frames were worn by about 99% of the patrons I observed).

The hours here (see above) are better than many others, allowing for maximum study time. However, I was unable to find a wifi connection, which could either be a benefit or a hindrance, deepening on what you have to get done. I also didn’t see any power outlets for my laptop.

The food and drink were average coffee-shop fare, though I regret not getting

the carrot and za’atar scone, which looked like it had potential to be exceptional. The tables were also a bit small to truly spread out my stuff and make room for the beast of a constitution book I trucked all the way there.

Rating: 6/10 Monogram Coffee 420 2nd Street S.W. Hours: M-F 6am-5pm, S-Su 9am-5pm

Thoughts: Oh Monogram, how I love thee. For those like myself who are a slave to aesthetics, Monogram has all the light wood and clean lines you could ever want.

The coffee is a bit on the pricy side, but I quickly forgot the cost when I saw the pretty swan artfully drawn onto my cappuccino. It was delicious! The wifi was reliable, though the tables are a bit too small to comfortably sit two people with books and computers. I’ve only seen one power outlet at this location, but it usually isn’t taken. Pro-tip: go here on a Saturday, when downtown is empty of the weekday crew. I promise that it is one of the most relaxing study spaces you will find.

Rating: 9/10

Item Ordered: Cappuccino

Moot Times Classifieds 3L On Exchange Seeks 1L Honey!

Exchange has been a bust, but at least I have Tinder Plus. I may be an ocean away, but I swipe on Murray Fraser Hall girls anyway. Let me be clear, I need someone on lock before my articling year. The oil sands, pipelines, and sitting on multiple committees: these are the things loved by my dream bitty. Just so you know, I’ll be waiting for you at Learned Friend Night 2.0. Although there are lots of girls in the 1L sea, I hope you’ll be the lil’ tuna for me.

Email lonely_in_SEasia@mylastname.com to fast track your application

Man Seeking Reasonable Person Looking for my very own “unicorn” of humanity. Prudency must be your life’s goal. Some people don’t believe you exist, but I know you’re out there. Only reasonable responses will be considered. Please respond to me here, next month.

Love, Thin Hearted Plaintiff.

Lost Field Law Travel Mug Looks like the one on the side of every 1L backpack. Except this one is mine. Does not respond when called. If found, please call 587-555-8934.

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ENVIRONMENTAL LAW SOCIETY UPDATE The ELS has plenty planned for its members in 2016/17.

Stuart Mair 2L

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he Environmental Law Society (ELS) has several exciting plans for this year. Most recently, they completed their fall backcountry trip to the Fryatt Hut in beautiful Jasper National Park. If you missed out on that trip, do not despair! The society is planning a second backcountry trip in March. It will be a two-night trip, focused around skiing and snowshoeing at the Elizabeth Parker Hut in Yoho National Park. The goal of these trips

is to get away from school, to appreciate the awesome mountains we have out west, and to enjoy each other’s company. Keep an eye on the ELS Facebook page if you are interested in joining in the fun in March!

If backcountry trips are not your thing, the ELS also has speaker events during the school year. Coming up on November 8th from 12-1 PM is the ELS Career Panel.

This panel is aimed to help inform students who are considering careers in Environmental, Aboriginal, and Energy law. It will feature Kathleen Shannon, a regula-

tory lawyer from Field Law; Melissa Gorrie, an environmental lawyer and LLM student from Ecojustice; Diana Audino, a lawyer with the National Energy Board; and Caleigh Hanks, an in-house litigation lawyer from Shell.

If you are considering a career in one of these areas be sure not to miss this panel.

Again, don’t forget to keep checking the ELS Facebook Page to keep up to date about speaker events.

A few ELS Members are also working on the Geothermal Policy Project this year, which is an exciting opportunity for students who

are looking to get involved in law and policy reform here in Alberta. The goal of the project is to develop a legislative framework for geothermal energy production in Alberta and to then present it to energy industry and government representatives. The project will include working on community consultation and working alongside members of Alberta’s legal, science, and energy communities.

Anyone interested in getting involved or learning more about the project should contact Chris Green (christopher.green@ucalgary.ca).

Do you think outside the box?

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Help build the future, join our team.

Law around the world nortonrosefulbright.com

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FEMALE SEEKING MALE: PREFERABLY YOUNGER Yasmine Al-Zaman 3L

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trend is emerging in the dating realm where older women are increasingly seeking the love of younger men. Since spousal relationships are the result of mutual desire, these young male suitors must be looking for older women as well. We aren’t talking about couples who could be mistaken as grandmother and grandson, but ones with a 5-, 10-, and even 15-year age gap. In a world where older men are usually the ones to become partners with younger women, what can be surmised from this vice versa trend?

A myriad of factors can contribute to women of an older demographic desiring the love, lust, and companionship of young and virile troubadours, but what are these factors exactly? Some fairly overt reasons are the increased youthfulness, beauty, vitality, stamina, spontaneity, and impulsivity of young men. Another possible reason is that women have evolved beyond simply looking for a good provider and loving partner for their procreative years. Let’s look at why.

In 2008, the journal Psychology of Women published an article that found women who are 10 or more years older than their partner are more satisfied with their level of relationship commitment compared to women who are the same age or younger than their partner. The success of

Alright, maybe not that much of an age gap but you get the picture. these age-diverse romantic relationships may be based on the vitality of younger men combined with the maturity and confidence of their older partners. Men in this type of relationship also experience high levels of physical attraction for their partners, particularly in the relationship’s beginning stages.

The rise of the older woman/younger man relationship celebrates the beauty of the aging woman, her power, and her active role in society.

Calling these women “cougars” has a predatory connotation that is inaccurate, considering that younger men initiate these romances with the same eagerness as older women. These women are not mother substitutes: they exemplify the powerful woman who knows what she

wants and pursues it.

In addition, younger men usually carry far less emotional baggage; in other words, they haven’t had time to accumulate grudges against past lovers who have scorned them. They see older women as wonderful, exotic creatures with many treasures to offer.

They’re not too far from the pre-romance years, when they pined to hold a real live woman; they feel thrilled and privileged to be with an experienced partner. In contrast, the jaded and serially cohabiting older man sees dodging the bullet of marriage as an achievement. He condemns marriage as a rigid philosophy, and this attitude makes him even more of a tired, sad cliché than the stereotypical unhappily married couple he spurns. The under-30 some-

thing group is more likely to dash to the altar, in what has been criticized by some as a kind of “starter marriage.” Ultimately, the divorce rate for these altar-dashers will probably be the same as for those who are “only living together.” However, it’s refreshing to encounter men who don’t consider “commitment” a dirty word.

Eventually, any age difference becomes a non-issue. It’s important to be with someone who shares interests and values that have nothing to do with age: friendship, fidelity, shared beliefs, and similar priorities can seal the bond of a partnership. If our relationships are based on anything else, maybe we should be asking why we are truly with the person we have chosen. To each lover their own.

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REVIEW: ABANDONED SALAD Jesse Standing 2L Restaurant: car2go Rating: 3/5

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sually when I get into a car2go, it smells like garbage and farts. But on the luckiest day of my life, my car2go smelt like hand-cut, seasonally grown, artisanally abandoned produce, served on a faux-leather seat and lightly drizzled with premium noname Italian dressing. The salad contained hints of failed family dinner; perhaps forgotten in a rage after a thanksgiving meal turned from forced interaction to a yelling match between the chef and his parents. I’m not one to take pleasure in another’s misfortune, but the thought of this juicy family drama makes eating alone slightly more bearable. The frustration of the anonymous culinary visionary is an excellent garnish.

The ingredients of the salad are fresh-ish despite having been left on a car seat for an indeterminate amount of time. This is likely because the cool October air is the exact temperature of a fridge, or maybe because the Subway in Mac Hall has just debased my definition of “fresh.” The GMO tomatoes contain the perfect amount of mutant and are completely void of flavour beyond a delectable hint of industrial greenhouse. Are those the tears of Mother Nature I taste? Actually, I think it’s

Abandoned salad of unknown origin. Yes, Jesse Standing ate this. just that none of the produce got washed. Leaving the sticker on the tomato was an interesting choice.

There is a chance that the dressing is expired, but I don’t think that vinegar and petrochemicals--the only ingredients in no-name dress-

ing--can spoil, so I’m willing to take the chance. Besides, noxious dressing beats the alternative--going to bed hungry and waking up in a cold sweat because of your increasingly dire financial situation (left uninterested in food because of the anxiety).

I really wish the unintentional philanthropist had also donated a fork or some napkins. Whoever gets this car next is going to be pissed because the steering wheel is covered in oily dressing.

Bone apple tea!

Malpractice Mixer

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UCalgary Law Bingo PREVIOUS OWNER OF TEXTBOOK FAILS TO UNDERLINE A SINGLE SALIENT SENTENCE

DISCUSSION ABOUT PROFESSIONAL ETHICS CONVINCES STUDENT TO BECOME A STAMPEDE CARNIE OF SLIGHTLY ABOVE AVERAGE REPUTE GREG WHITESIDE APPEARS VERY RELAXED ALL SEMESTER WHILE VOLUNTEERING, MAKING TIME TO DO COOL STUFF IN THE MOUNTAINS, AND KICKING YOUR ASS ON EVERY TEST CHANTAL FINALLY BREAKS LONG SILENCE AFTER OLSZYNSKI ASKS A QUESTION

TACTFUL PROF ACCESS TO JUSTICE FINDS INGENIOUS ISSUE SOLVED BY WAY OF TELLING INADEQUATELY VOCAL STUDENT PREPARED SLA THEY’RE DEAD VOLUNTEER WRONG (YET AGAIN) WITHOUT BEING HARSH WOOLIE ATTEMPTS TO MAKE 1L FRIENDSHIP YOU FEEL BETTER FAILS TO LAST PAST ABOUT THE LAW OCTOBER SCHOOL STRUGGLE, BUT MAKES YOU FEEL MUCH, MUCH WORSE

PROF LECTURES YOU ABOUT THE POOR MENTAL HEALTH OF LAWYERS WHILE, IN CONCERT WITH 5 OTHER PROFS, SHE CREATES THE PERFECT STORM FOR POOR MENTAL HEALTH

1L STUDENT STUDENT PLANS DOESN’T ATTEND ENTIRE LIFE TRANETWORKING FREE SPACE!!! JECTORY BASED ON EVENT AND REALA SINGLE FIRM’S IZES THEIR CAREER MARKETING MAISN’T RUINED TERIALS

NOBODY BREAKS LONG SILENCE AFTER OLSZYNSKI ASKS A QUESTION

SLA STUDENT’S THREE MEN WEAR- IGNORANCE OF ING BASEBALL THEIR OWN IGNOHATS DISCUSS FAN- RANCE MISTAKEN TASY SPORTS FOR COMPETENCE

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PROF CREATES TENUOUS LOGICAL CONNECTION BETWEEN THEIR DIVORCE/FAILED RELATIONSHIP AND THE COURSE MATERIALS

CLASS POLITELY APPLAUDS GUEST SPEAKER AFTER COMPLETELY IGNORING THEM

PROFESSOR AWES STUDENTS WITH TECHNOLOGICAL INCOMPETENCE

MIHAI YAWNS LOUDLY WHILE THE PROFESSOR IS TALKING

SHALE WEARS FLIP FLOPS IN MID-NOVEMBER

STUDENT CONFUSED WHEN MOTHER DOESN’T REMOVE GARBAGE FROM STUDENT LOUNGE

STUDENT FORGETS THAT “NETWORKING” ACTUALLY MEANS HANGING OUT, DRINKING BEER, AND NOT BEING BROWN-NOSEDICK

STUDENT REALIZES THAT LITERALLY ANY CAREER OPPORTUNITY THEY HAD OPEN TO THEM PRIOR TO LAW WAS A BETTER OPTION

FACULTY FUCKS UP COURSE REGISTRATION AGAIN (AND IS QUICK TO ESCHEW RESPONSIBILITY BY POINTING FINGERS) MOOT TIMES CONTRIBUTOR DEALS WITH SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES BY HIDING BEHIND WALL OF ANONYMITY AND SHITTING ON EVERYTHING