Moot Times: October 2016

The Moot Times The University of Calgary Law Student Newspaper | October 2016 Edition

HOW DARE BLOCK WEEK: A 1L REVIEW Foundations chewed up our 1L correspondent, but spit him out alive and well.

Lyndon Radchenka 1L

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lock week at the University of Calgary Faculty of Law. This is it.

Whether you just finished your undergrad or you’ve been working for the past few years, this is your next big challenge. You look at the schedule, and you realize you’re in class 9-5. Maybe you think “that’s okay. I’ve been working those hours

for years.” Maybe you think “9-5? Never once have I taken a class that starts as early as 9am!” Maybe you’re a little outraged, but this is a professional faculty, you think, so it’s time the rules of the game changed a little bit. It’s time for the real world. Maybe you’ve read about the Calgary Curriculum and how “Foundations in Law” is set up to resemble typical office hours. So maybe you’re nervous, but you’re

excited. You’re ready to get started, and maybe you’re going to crash and burn, but you know you owe it to yourself to put your head down, shake off the rust, and get back to work. It’s time for the next chapter.

Fast forward three weeks.

It’s that one weekend between the end of block week and the start of regular classes. You’re still not sure why it’s called block WEEK, given that thirteen days of class is

certainly longer than a week, but you look back and consider what you’ve learned and if it was worth it. “How dare they?!” you say to yourself. How dare they let you think that block week was going to be anything like real life? Profs, upper-year students, and guest lecturers told you every single day: “What you do in law school in no way resembles what the real world is like.”

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Moot Times The law student newspaper at the University of Calgary.

Gettin’ legal since 2008.

Senior Managing Editor Janna Crown Copy Editor Amy Matychuk Layout Editor Curtis Wolff Treasurer Tim Horon Contributors Hayley Rushford Lyndon Radchenka Chad Haggerty Stuart Mair Jesse Standing Megan Visentin Kelly Twa Contact Email jannacrown@gmail. com with news submissions, story ideas.

Disclaimer The opinions and articles expressed within are not those of the University of Calgary, Faculty of Law. The Moot Times is an independent publication, run by students for students. Don’t even think about suing us. We will hire, like, the best lawyer.

Contributor of the Month October’s contributor of the month is Lyndon Radchenka. While everyone else on the Moot Times is a heartless, cynical bastard that sucks at writing,, Lyndon decided to submit something thoughtful and well-written, a rarity for this publication.

Well done Lyndon.

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Block week, continued from cover To continue with the real-world comparisons, how dare the university give the students kind and entertaining instructors? Your boss isn’t going to want to want to hold your hand while you work. How dare the university explain to you how to actually achieve your goals? As you’re constantly reminded, in a real job, if you don’t know how to do something, you figure it out. “Just call lawyers and ask them out to coffee,” you’re told, like it’s not the most terrifying and (in your mind) annoying thing that you could do to a professional (who actually needs to get things done in their life). The phrase “they’ll be happy to answer your questions” falls on your increasingly sceptical ears. Block week (and law school in general), are not the real world like you told yourself. But it’s not undergrad, either. Block week is somewhere in between, where you have no idea what you’re doing, but you’re always striving to do better. There’s no way that you’re in the real world yet, right?

They did get one thing right about block week, though. It is an island for you and your classmates.

It is the trenches, for lack of a better comparison.

You remind yourself that block week is pass or fail, and that it is notoriously difficult to fail, but you are a budding law student.

Competition flows through your veins like oxygen, re-

gardless of how much you do or do not try to conceal it. And in block week everyone is on the same level.

No one has spread out into other interests yet, and that means you can compete with them all, regardless of the fact that there are no grades. That’s how you feel coming into block week.

It’s sink or swim, and maybe you’re afraid of failure, but maybe that pushes you even harder.

Then something happens during that second week. Maybe it’s trudging through constitutional readings that you know you don’t understand. Letting your eyes glaze and skim over the passages because “you need to read them,” though you’re doing anything but. In that moment, you receive the clarity that block week is wonderful at giving you: you do not need to be the best. You simply need to survive. Suddenly some of the pressure comes off, and if you felt like you were drowning, suddenly you’re washed onto shore.

You look around, and your classmates are washing ashore also. They are not competition. They are your companions. Maybe, when you first met, you and the person you sit beside every day had nothing in common. No similar career goals (like you really know where you want to end up), no similar life experiences. But now, there is at least one thing that the two of you have in common: neither one of you

wanted to spend four hours on a Tuesday night reading constitutional cases that you didn’t fully comprehend (and now slightly resent), and that is enough to start talking to someone.

That’s what block week is about. Sure, every other night you are expected to go out and talk to lawyers and upper-year students.

“Bring your questions!” you’re told, but you still know absolutely nothing about the practice of law, and you’re not expected to.

You can ask lawyers what their firm does, and worry about selling your soul to a seventy-hour work week, but you’re in the first month of learning the law.

None of these things matter yet.

Block week is for meeting the classmates in your year. They are the ones that you want to set a good example with, more than anybody else, because they are the ones you are going to be rubbing shoulders with for the next three years. You’re all in the trenches together now, and no one wins a war alone. Block week is for meeting the people, all 123 of them, that you’re going to see nearly every day for the next three school years, so how dare block week give us the ability to do that without trying to rise above one another?

How dare block week give us everything we need?

NEXT YEAR’S SWAG: A FEW SUGGESTIONS Law students drowning in pens and notebooks, demand portable hydration systems.

Amy Matychuk 2L

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he first few months of 1L are marked by a distinct profusion of swag. For every obscure Latin term, there’s a fancy law firm pen; for every lecture on how the legal community is small and you could ruin your reputation, there is a sleek notebook. When asked about their favorite items of swag, this year’s 2L class fondly recalled such winners as: The BD&P, Bennett Jones, and McLeod Law portable phone chargers The Osler, Hoskin & Harcourt tins of tea The Stikeman Elliot pen and highlighters The WestlawNext canvas tote bag The Miller Thomson phone pocket for credit cards The conveniently sized, ergonomically engineered Field Law notebook The Dentons jelly beans and mints The Field Law fruit infusion water bottle However, I’d like to propose a few items I haven’t seen law firms slap a brand on yet. I think all of these could eclipse any swag I’ve yet received. I authorize any firm to use these brilliant ideas, provided I get one of them for free: The Ostrich Pillow: You put your head inside it. Then

you nap. Literally anywhere.

(Including on your desk or one of those uncomfortable courtroom benches, which is probably why firms haven’t jumped on this one yet.)

The Platypus Big Zip LP Hydration System (Mountain Equipment Coop): There is nothing more frustrating than being at a mixer where you must choose two out of the following three: eat food, drink drinks, shake hands. If law firms started giving these backpack hydration systems out, we could all fill up with wine and beer while still getting to try all the appetizers

when you wear a skirt suit?

Yes. Is every pair of pantyhose at least as expensive as a pumpkin spice latte?

Yes. Is it possible to wear a pair of pantyhose more than once without developing massive runs? Not in a million years. Would I rather spend that money on pumpkin spice lattes?

HECK YES. It’s pretty hard to stick a stylin’ law firm brand on pantyhose, but I have faith in marketing departments everyPantyhose: Are you re- where. quired to wear pantyhose and meet all the partners.

Rollasole Roll Up Fold Up shoes: Getting to and from mixers can be treacherous. Wearing heels while walking over the grates in downtown sidewalks is like asking to break your ankle, or worse, your shoes. These come in any number of colors and could be themed to any firm. Even better, they fit in small purses. Distribute these among the high-heeled portion of any law student class and earn our devotion forever.

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LAW STUDENT’S GUIDE TO HALOWEEN Obviously you’re going to the Malpractice Mixer, but here’s what else to do on the 31st. event is held every year downtown at Olympic Plaza. The date and time for the 2016 walk appears to be October 15th at noon.

Kelly Twa 1L

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his year Halloween falls on a Monday, which means from Friday to Sunday there will be Halloween madness.

Every student by now has heard of the infamous VetMed-Law Halloween extravaganza held annually at a bar downtown. While this is certainly one party to attend, there are many other events going on in Calgary leading up to October 31st.

Here are some other options to consider: Scream Fest Scream Fest is put on in many major Canadian cities in various forms and is always a popular choice. The purpose behind Scream Fest is mainly to scare adults and not really children. However, since it is technically 13+, be forewarned that there will always be a group of youths hanging out in line near you.

This event is held on the Stampede Grounds and runs throughout October. If you are interested in attending, my advice would be to go earlier in October because the closer you get to Halloween, the longer the line is to get in. If you’re interested check out screamfest.ca.

Haunted Houses There are a number of haunted houses in Calgary that are open for business in October. Some are geared

more towards the younger crowd but there are a few for adults too. A new house tends to surface each year so keep up on your google searches to find out what the new hottest haunt is.

Ghost Walks

Did you know Calgary does ghost walks? Ghost walks aren’t necessarily a Halloween thing since they are actually available throughout the year.

However, joining a ghost walk on Halloween will obviously be infinitely scarier since we all know that the most demonic spirits walk the earth on Oct 31st. If you’re interested check out calgaryghosttours.com.

Bar Events Of course every bar is going to have some sort

House Party If none of the other events look interesting to you, or you don’t feel like fighting the crowds, there is always the option of hosting (or getting someone else to host) a Halloween house party. Quite frankly, a house party of Halloween event going on Halloween is always on. Since this is one of the a blast, especially when most popular days of the everyone actually takes year to go out, make sure dressing up seriously. to get to the bar early rathScary Movies er than risk waiting in line If you are really not for hours. If there is a specific bar in mind you want into doing anything overto go to, always check to ly exciting for Halloween make sure you don’t need (or you have kids to take then to purchase tickets in ad- trick-or-treating), stay home and watch a vance. Downtown, Kensington, or Dalhousie are scary movie. There are so the areas you will want to many classics to choose be in on Halloween week- from. My favourites include: end.

The Exorcist Sleepy Hollow Zombie Walk Hocus Pocus (kid If you’re looking for friendly-ish) something to do while the Texas Chainsaw Massasun is still up, you can alcre ways check out the ZomHouse of a 1000 Corpsbie Walk. Even if you don’t want to dress up yourself, es The Nightmare Before it is always fun to go and look at the amazing cos- Christmas (kid friendtumes and make-up. The ly-ish)

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HIS

Chad Haggerty 1L

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It’s easy to get wrapped up in the unemotional aspects of work. Whether it’s serving, retail work, policing, or the legal profession (I assume). I think that it’s important to remember that the players in our little dramas are, before anything else, human. Perhaps remembering this will help us to vigorously advocate for our clients. Perhaps not.

When I was policing, I had a call that resulted in a guy firing a shot at me.

Spoiler alert – he missed.

In spite of his poor aim, the incident messed with my head. Almost 15 years later, while taking a creative non-fiction class, I decided to write the story from his perspective. I don’t know

about his thoughts but from the conversations I had previously had with the guy and his family, I don’t think I was too far off. Even if I was way off, writing this helped me to focus on taking the most respectful interpretation of his actions.

Note: The following is a work of fiction.

His Story

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he spark of life that she seemed to bring with her was gone.

Ever since she died, the house has felt empty. Hollow. Without purpose. Like a light with a broken filament. Useless.

Like me.

Her picture still sits on top of the TV. Mom says it makes her feel warm and

brightens the room like a comforting fire. She’s wrong.

It’s not a fire’s light in the room. It’s a stark, cold spotlight that removes the shadow and the contrast; that reveals how empty, flat, and lifeless this room, this house is.

Like me.

She was my sister. We were just over a year apart but that didn’t matter; we were like twins. We felt each other’s pain, and we shared each other’s joys. I knew the moment she died. It was three years ago, but I still remember waking from a dead sleep, feeling a crushing pain in my chest. I cried though I wasn’t exactly sure why.

When the cop knocked on the door three hours later, it didn’t shock me. He sat at the table with mom, dad and me. He had a sad look on his

face. He didn’t waste much time. He struck us with the news quickly. The same way the truck had struck her. His words had the same effect on us as the truck had on her.

The physical trauma she experienced killed her. The trauma we were hit with was just as physical. The world was spinning. I couldn’t see, think, talk, breathe. The strength left my legs and I fell, crashing soundlessly to the floor.

The cop tried to be compassionate, sympathetic.

He was just pathetic. His fake sad eyes; his bullshit “I’m sorry.” He didn’t care.

For him it was paperwork.

Overtime. Routine.

I felt guilty for every breath my lungs took, for every pounding beat of my heart.

I wanted her to take them.

Wanted to give them to her.

Wanted her to be here even if it meant that I was the one dead. Especially if it meant that I was the one dead. I didn’t want to feel this pain.

And that made me feel guilty, too. Guilty because my pain wasn’t killing me.

My pain wasn’t taking away my chance to see the sun tomorrow, to eat mom’s cooking or listen to dad’s boring old stories. But I didn’t want her to feel this loss, this pain either…the world just kept spinning.

Three years. Tonight, a little past midnight it would be three years. I feel it exactly the same today as I did that night. It hasn’t stopped hurting. The feeling of missing her hasn’t faded like sunlight in the evening. The sun hasn’t set at all, and I can’t take the light anymore.

It’s almost time. I’m going to shut off the light. Wrap myself in darkness and finally get some rest.

The burn of the vodka feels right. It hurts, hurts like I imagine she hurt. I want to hurt, and I want the hurt to stop. Every drink burns and further numbs the pain.

When the phone rings, I answer without thinking.

It doesn’t matter anyway.

Nothing matters at this point. I know what’s coming.

It’s my cousin. She’s calling to see how I’m doing today. Mom and dad are away and I guess she’s the one stuck with checking on

STORY

me. I want to be angry but she doesn’t deserve that. She doesn’t deserve to have me yell at her. She doesn’t deserve to have me just gone.

“I’m finally gonna be ok, cuz. It’s hurt for a long time but not much longer now.”

The phone feels smooth in my hand, against my face.

Smooth like the stock of the rifle. Warmer than the steel barrel though. I lick the phone; I want to see if it tastes as metallic and as smoky like the gun barrel tasted. It doesn’t taste like anything.

“I love you, cuz. Thanks for calling. I’m gonna say goodbye now. Goodbye so you can hear it. She never said goodbye, you know? At least you got that, right? “ Why can’t she just accept it. At least she’s prepared now. She’ll know what’s coming. It won’t hit her and smash her body, her brain, her heart. Not the same way at least.

Ok. I’m not gonna talk about it. The gun’s loaded,

and I’m just about ready.

I love you. All of you guys.

Tell them, huh? Thanks, cuz.

You’ll be ok.”

As I hang up the phone, I think about how in the movies people slam down the phone. That’s so stupid.

I’m not angry, I have no reason to slam the phone down. I’m finally kinda peaceful, just chilling now.

I’m just gonna take some time to think about her. She was so awesome, she was so beautiful, the best sister, the best woman. Why did she have to go?

Go? She didn’t go. She was taken. Stolen. Killed.

And the fucking guy that took her didn’t suffer any consequences. He didn’t hurt, he didn’t lose, he didn’t even get charged…nothing.

She’s in heaven, I’m in hell and he didn’t even go to jail. That phony cop with his phony sad face, his phony sympathy, phony fucking asshole. He’s supposed to keep people safe and punish people that hurt others.

And he didn’t do a fucking thing. His face. His phony face with his phony smile. I can’t even see the picture of her that I’m holding. All I see is him.

The phone rings again.

“I already said goo… who the fuck is this? Who? Fuck you, you fucking pig!

You don’t know shit you don’t know me or what my life is like…who? What’s your fucking name? Cst. who? You FUCKING asshole!!! You didn’t DO ANYTHING!!” I look out the window and see the police car sitting down the road.

“You let him kill her and walk away. You. You should be dead. I swear, before I’m dead I’m shooting you in the head or the fucking balls because I know your bullet proof vest doesn’t cover those parts.”

Now I understand why the phones get slammed down. I want the noise to run through the phone and break his eardrum. I want him to hurt before he dies.

Her picture is looking up at me from the floor where I’ve dropped it. She’s smiling up at me, and I know she agrees. I know she supports me. We were like twins. I know.

“For you, sis. See you soon.”

A final burn of vodka and I’m ready. I walk out to the road. There he is. I lift the gun and after the muzzle flash, drifting smoke blocks the world from my view.

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ELECTION 2016: BLAIR DON’T CARE 1L politely shirks responsibility to classmates, destiny by refusing to run for 1L Rep. Stuart Mair 1L

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hroughout history there have been many examples of reluctant leaders. A weary George Washington did not want to lead the United States. Moses prayed to God to send someone else to lead his people out of Egypt. Emperor Augustus selflessly served his fellow Roman citizens. Now in 2016, our very own Blair Feltmate has stated that he does not want to be the 1L Rep for the SLS. Blair’s clear

disinterest in the position is the precise reason we need to cast him into this important role.

To date, I have not seen anyone else from the class of 2019 treat the possibility of being the 1L Rep with such humble disregard. For most of us, the vast powers of being the 1L Rep are very alluring and we all secretly desire to run for the position. Alas, most of us are not fit to hold such office.

People who lust after such power may not be suitable for any leadership role (see The People v. D.J. Trump).

For this reason I believe Blair would be perfect for this role. He does not even want it!

One could say, Blair is like a hybrid between Frodo and Spiderman. He does not want the powers and responsibilities we can thrust upon him, but much like these literary heroes, Blair would also probably come to terms with his predicament and get the job done.

This is why on Election Day later this month I will be voting for Blair Feltmate… unless someone else actually wants to do it of course.

Pictured: Leadership

Choosing the right path doesn’t have to be hard.

We’ll put you on the path to an exciting career.

Fasken Martineau is a leading international business law and litigation firm with over 700 lawyers across Canada as well as in the United Kingdom and South Africa.

Fasken Martineau is proud to have the following University of Calgary students as part of our team: 2016 – 2017 Articling Student: Stefan Mirkovic 2017 – 2018 Articling Student: Kyle Cadieux

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A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

Here are some fall walks to go on when you can’t deal with that stale library air anymore.

Hayley Rushford 2L

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inding you’ve got some extra time during October and want to get outside and enjoy the gorgeous Fall weather we’re having? We’ve got you covered.

Here’s five of Calgary’s best cycling paths, walking paths, and parks for a chill afternoon.

1. North Glenmore Park: this massive park situated around the reservoir has everything you’d ever want in a park. Walk along the ridge and watch the water below you sparkle in the sun amongst vibrant orange and yellow leaves. There are grassy areas to stop and take a rest with your friend, your music, or even your pet. Take a stroll down the plateaus right to the water or take a blast down on your bike into the meandering paths on the reservoir’s level. You can easily spend hours in this park and enjoy it at its prettiest time of year.

It’s pretty central in the city and there’s lots of parking available. Definitely worth a visit.

2. If you’re more into cycling and just want a quick spin, check out the Pearce Estate Park – Inglewood Bird Sanctuary 4km loop. Pearce Estate is in SE Calgary and boasts a 15 hectare reconstructed wetland situated in a curve of the Bow River. The Sam Livingston Fish Hatchery and Bow Habitat Visitor

Credit: Trevor Miller

Fall at North Glenmore Park, overlooking the reservior.

Centre is also here if you’re feeling into nature and want to check that out. Pro tip: you can cross country ski here in the winter without even leaving the city! To continue with the nature theme, set out towards the Inglewood Bird Sanctuary, which opens each fall in October. It was recently refurbished and offers a pretty beautiful walk or leisurely bike ride. It’s also a good place to stop for a bathroom break! A great way to spend an afternoon experiencing nature in the city for sure!

3. More of a city slicker yourself? Prince’s Island Park is always a good option for a little Fall afternoon.

Most people don’t know this, but if you want to impress your other non-Calgarian friends, order a picnic 24 hours in advance from the River Café restaurant and kick back on the lawn with

the Canadian geese and a view of Calgary’s ever-expanding skyline. Great for a quick trip or walk. You can also wander over the bridge or meander all the way down to the Peace Bridge to check that out. If you want some real exercise try tackling the stairs off Memorial, or stroll into Kensington for an enjoyable afternoon spent amongst hipsters, cool cafes, and little boutique shops.

4. Want to go for a good cycle? Check out this 11km loop for a sweet solo or group endeavour. Enter Fish Creek Provincial Park at Shannon Terrace (37 Street SW) and ride east to Voltier’s Flats and back. You’ll be cycling on a pathway covered by large trees arching over it that keep you in intermittent shade. You can enjoy the river rushing past you and ducks hanging out on the ponds before heading

south for the winter. If you’re lucky, you might even run into some coyotes or deer.

Feeling a little peckish? Take a pit-stop at Annie’s for the best ice-cream or pie you will ever have in your life.

5. Want to spend a day finding your favourite walking spots in Calgary?

Why not, right? Check out the Erlton Bluffs past cemeteries, over Macleod and Reader Rock gardens. You’ll end up in Ramsay, pass Café Rosso for a cup of java, and back around to Scotsman’s Hills. Discover how all these neighborhoods are connected by foot and revel in the wonder given Calgary’s car driven infrastructure! *I’m not from Calgary and so I don’t really understand this paragraph/think it flows super well (mostly the underlined sentence) Maybe you could polish it up?

Live in the north? Nose Hill Park is the place for you, which connects to Porcupine Alley and Aspen Grove.

This high-up park offers panoramic views and tons of wildlife. It can be a really spectacular place to see when the city is illuminated in orange and yellow.

Alright wanderers, get out there and explore! This city has way more natural space than one would think. Make sure to enjoy it while the weather is still above zero!

These walks and cycles offer the perfect breath of fresh air when you need a getaway from your law books.

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LAST DEFENCE LOUNGE REVIEWS Kelly Twa 1L

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The Moot Times has our monthly meetings at the LDL. They keep switching up the menu on us, so we thought we’d stay on top of these important changes and report back to our readers with what’s new.

This month, we’re talking sandwiches and sides.

When you order from the “Sandwiches & Such” part of the menu, you get a choice of two sides from a selection of fries, soup, salad, rice, house made chips, apple slaw, sweet corn, and garlic mashed potatoes. We can’t claim to have tried them all yet – but of those of us who have made the attempt, we want to tell you about the house made potato chips. They’re thicker than your average made chips. They are potato chip, less oily and crunchy, salty, and roasted to perfection. Honestly, way better seasoned. just order a plate of these.

Three-part breakfast Amy Matychuk with waffles, bacon, pota2L toes and toast. If I had to Steak sandwich, me- rank the elements of this dium, with house made meal, the toast would be chips and green salad. at the top, but the waffles Generously topped with would sadly be at the botred onions and mush- tom. The bread was delirooms, this lunch meal cious and perfectly toasted, got me all the way through but the waffles were hard Ethical Lawyering without and crunchy. Possible sugneeding a snack. The steak gestion for improvement: was tender and juicy, but about thirteen more syrup the real star of this meal packets. Potatoes: plentiful. is the unbelievable house Bacon: adequate. Could

have achieved the same level of breakfast satisfaction at Tim Hortons.

Megan Visentin 3L Grilled Chicken Chiabatta Panini: The LDL is certainly trying to step up their game with new sauces, sides, and mains. One option I tried out was the chicken ciabatta panini with house chips and onion rings (onion rings are an extra $1.50). So did it make my mouth water? The short answer is… not really.

The panini itself was crispy and everything inside of it was melted and warm. However, when it came to the actual taste, I found it rather bland. If you were to ask me what was actually inside the panini, I wouldn’t be able to answer you on taste alone. It was essentially a lunch I could make at home. Overall it was a passable panini, but not what I would consider to be top quality restaurant food.

The first side I chose to go with my panini was the LDL’s house made chips.

The chips were definitely the best food on my plate.

While it isn’t really difficult to make house chips, these ones are particularly delectable. They are fried perfectly and have some seasoning on top. These chips are highly recommended (by several of the Moot Times writers).

For my second side I chose to go with the onion rings. I’ve had a lot of onion rings in my day and these were far from the top of the list. The rings weren’t bad, but they weren’t anything special either. Mine came out crispy, which is good, but that is about the only thing that was done right. Overall, they tasted like unseasoned deepfried bread. Unless that’s what you enjoy, I wouldn’t bother ordering them.

NEW RESTAURANT ON THE BLOCK Janna Crown Curtis Wolff 2L & 3L

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ecently, the Globe and Mail reviewed Hayden Block, the new Texas-style BBQ restaurant (with an impressive whiskey list), giving it three out of four stars. We here at the Moot Times wanted to weigh in with our thoughts, so we engaged in a little research to deliver our very own review to you.

The drink list: It’s simply impressive. I didn’t count, but there are apparently over 100 whiskeys featured on the list from all over the

world. That seems about right. The list is heavy on American whiskeys and features several whiskeys from one of my personal favourite American distilleries, High West. The price point for the whiskey varies, with 1 oz. glasses ranging from $5 to $60, averaging around the $10 mark. For those of you who aren’t fans of straight whiskey, there is a menu of eight whiskey-based cocktails and four “not whiskey” cocktails.

What we recommend (drink list): High West’s Barrelled Manhattan, based on a pre-prohibition era recipe barrelled for 90

days in American White Oak. It was so good, I went out and bought my very own bottle (pictured). If you prefer a cocktail, the Lynchburg Lemonade is a refreshing and well-balanced cocktail, just sweet enough that the whiskey isn’t too pronounced. The wine list is small – four whites and four reds – but features some truly exceptional wines (Nichol’s Pinot Gris is a good one to try).

The menu: While Hayden Block doesn’t have the best BBQ in town — both Palomino and Big T’s stack up better — they have the best prices. Servings of meat

go for around $12, but we wouldn’t recommend paying full price. Stave off your hunger until after 10 p.m., and Hayden Block’s meat offerings are half priced.

That’s a meager $6 for our mathematically challenged readers.

What we recommend (food): Pulled pork with a side of cornbread and baked beans.

Happy Hour: This is the real star here, with all whiskeys for half off between 3 and 6 pm, Mon – Thurs.

Whiskey cocktails are also $4. Notable specials include half-priced wings (Wednesday) and half off all meals every night after 10 pm.

REVIEW: DIRTY FLOOR BURGER Jesse Standing 2L Restaurant: McDonalds Rating: 5/5

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ell… shit. I should’ve known I couldn’t open a beer, browse tinder, and eat a burger all at once. What a waste. The only other things in my fridge are an expired chicken breast and a massive bottle of rum. At least I didn’t spill the beer.

Well… I guess it doesn’t have to be a waste. My floor isn’t that dirty. I just cleaned it, like, a week ago. Well, not really cleaned, but I swept. I don’t think I’ve ever cleaned

Dirty floor burger that Jesse Standing ate. this floor since I moved in over two years ago. Well, I guess there was that one time when I got home at 3 a.m. and for some reason I decided to do my dishes so I put the stopper and some soap in the sink and turned

on the water and then I decided to take a quick nap and then I woke up with a start 15 minutes later because I could hear the water running and so I basically ended up cleaning the floor because I had to wipe up

all the soapy water with my dirty laundry because I only own 1 towel.

You know, that really worked out well because I hadn’t done any laundry in, like, 2 months and so I just had to throw all my wet clothes in the dryer and then I had clean clothes again for the first time in 3 weeks. What a happy accident. And that was, like, 10 months ago? I don’t know. It was a Thursday. I remember because it was wine night at OJ’s. There was snow on the ground so maybe, like….

Whatever, who cares. At least it’s not Wendy’s or on the carpet. Now that would be disgusting.

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Moot Times Classifieds WANTED: 1L Criminal Law Tutor

WANTED: Moral Compass

I am looking for someone to teach me the basic principles of 1L criminal law. If interest please contact me ASAP!! at robincamp@thejudiciary.ca

What’s wrong with me? How did I get every Top Hat question wrong in “Ethical Lawyering”? I should have been an engineer. Delivery preferred.

FOR SALE: #WornOutSecondHandJoke

SEEKING: Loud-mouth drinking partner that owns a suit

I am finally looking to sell my favourite joke that I bought second hand from a British-American television host about 2 years ago. I’ve put a tonne of miles on this thing, but I can’t bring myself to throw it out. Hopefully it can find a new home.

Open to trades. If interest contact me at very_ethical_alice@hotmail.com #SadToSeeItGo #ButNotReally

I am a 25 yr. old male living in Calgary, Alberta seeking a drinking companion. What I look for in a partner is someone who is obnoxious, raucous, abrasive, inappropriate, and a drunk. I will provide money to support your habit under the condition that you pretend not to know me when we go out for drinks at networking events and mixers. Also, you must be sure to maintain a level of debauchery and intoxication which makes me look sober and reasoned by comparison. Basically, I need you at an 11 so I can be at a 10. If interested add me on LinkedIn.

SEEKING: Canadian Culture Lessons/Tutor I am a 26-year-old law student raised in Canada who unexplicably knows almost nothing about Canadian culture and customs. I only like chess and jiu-jitsu. I need someone to teach me the rules of hockey so I can fit in with my peers. I can’t pay you, but maybe I can make you a nice meal? I will watch a video of Gordan Ramsey making some Indian food and try to replicate that. It will be fun!

You can teach me about basic Canadian slang and cultural references and I can make you Indian food. Female tutor prefered.

want to place an ad in our classifieds? email: cbwolff@ucalgary.ca

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SEEKING: “So You Want to be a Lawyer, Eh?” by Adam Latourneau I have lost a copy of my favourite book and need a new one. No highlighting or annotations as I prefer to make my own.

LOST: Effort Hi there, I seem to have lost my ability to make an effort. I had it before the Nexen Mixer but all of a sudden I was standing there in a Big Lebowski tee-shirt, effort nowhere in sight. If found, enter the deep web. Ask for The Rizz. They’ll know who I am.