The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have had a very extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believeable. “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?” The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “It’s a bet.” Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops. Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.” The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. “Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.” The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he takes him up on the bet. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the steam reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win! But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. “Are you ok?” the auditor asks. “Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d actually be very happy about it all!” -------------------------------------------------------------Don’t mess with Anyone under 5’5”. We have to hop on counters to get stuff, don’t think we can’t hop on you like a spider monkey.
38 THUNDER ROADS MAGAZINE MICHIGAN
I asked my wife why we never have sex anyone... “Speak for yourself” was not the answer I was expecting. --------------------------------------------------------------I think I figured out why our generation is common sense smart. We had Lawn Darts and Clacker Balls to take out the stupid ones. --------------------------------------------------------------A dog and a cat are having an argument on who is the favorite of humans. The dog says, “Humans like us more. They have even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.” The cat looks over at the silly dog and grins, “You are really not going to win this one you know.” --------------------------------------------------------------I’ve been around a looong time now and still haven’t found the right thing to say when someone knocks on the door of the public bathroom you’re in.... “Come In” is not appropriate, so I think from now on I’ll just yell out, “Come back when you’ve got a warrant!” --------------------------------------------------------------“Booger” gets him a coon dog at the local shelter and sees this his dog has a cool tattoo on his belly. He goes over to his buddy’s house that does tats and says he wants the same tat as his new dog. His buddy duplicates it exactly, real big on his forearm. Later that night at the bar a young guy comes up to him and told him he was in school to become a Vet and was wondering why he’d get a tattoo they put on shelter dogs that indicates “Been Neutered” --------------------------------------------------------------Just gotta’ say, some of you never run from the cops on a 2-stroke as a kid and it damn sure shows! --------------------------------------------------------------My Grandpa always had such sage advice and was just in general a really cool, old hippie dude. I asked him one day, “Grandpa, why you just mosey along and don’t let nobody bother you and just kinda’ grin at fools. His advice was simple...Grandson, in life, it will Always serve you best to just not argue with people that should’ve been swallowed. --------------------------------------------------------------Let’s ALL stand up, raise our glasses and give a Big round of Cheers! for Johnny Depp.....the Only man to Ever win an argument with a woman!
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