September 2013, Special Issue
30+ Inspirational Parenting Stories
Raising Humanity Collaboratively
September Part 1: Special Issue for Parenting 2.0
September 2013, Issue 12
CONTENTS
To Beware or Be Aware That is the Question page # 11
A Benevolent Universe Elevate Your Mood
page # 12
By Marlaine Cover
Coming of Age in the Digital Age A Tip for Parents of Tweens & Teens
page # 14
By Jo Langford
Why You are Triggered The Ant & The Grasshopper
page # 16
By Donna Volpitta
The Profit of Pain What it Means to Save
page # 18
By Gregory Bland
Loving an Outside Child Accepting the Risks of Adoption
page # 20
By Deep Williams 2
September 2013, Issue 12
CONTENTS
Water Energy for Healing Almost Like Being in the Womb
page # 22
By Diana Dentinger
Where did Popeye Go? Nutritious Food, not Vitamins to Save the Day
page # 24
By Beth Robeson M.A.
Magical Moments Dads, Make Time for Your Kids
page # 26
By Jeffrey G. Kirk
Mirror Behavior Create the Connection
page # 28
By Jackie Charley
The Impossible Dream Or Is It?
page # 30
By Julia Neiman
The Skinned Knee Incident When Things Need Attention By Martin Dutcher
page # 34 3
September 2013, Issue 12
CONTENTS
Your Child’s Character Determines Their Destiny
page # 36
By Lesa Day
Brain Building Tips Make These Tips Your Daily Habits
page # 38
By Lauren Zimet
Navigate the River of Parenting Have You Found Your Flow?
page # 40
By Lori Dunlap
I Teach You Because I Love You
page # 44
By Starla Lewis
Words of Power How to Speak to Yourself
page # 46
By Margaret Ashley
Gratitude Beyond Words Being Grateful By Mary O’Donohue
page # 48 4
FROM THE EDITOR
September 2013, Issue 12
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FEEDBACK Your feedback is welcome. This is your magazine too. Let us know what would help you find inner peace in parenting your children. Contact Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Magazine Privacy Policy
School has started here in the Northern Hemisphere! Even though the Summer for me is great with the flexibility of our schedule, I am ready for the fall routine again. As a rule I usually invite change since I love it. But this fall there are some changes in my kids’ lives. I will need to nourish and support more. My oldest college grad son will be studying in a Masters Program in another city for the next few years so it will be my first challenge with not having all my 4 kids nearby. I will miss having him just 20 minutes away. My second son will be finishing his last year of college her in Northern Italy and (in my opinion) will be feeling a bit lonely since he and his older brother (fought) lived together these past 3 years.
Copyright 2012 Diana Dentinger Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Sviluppo CCT sas - Italy All rights reserved under the International and Pan American Copyright Conventions. Reproduction in whole or part is prohibited without written permission from the publisher. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the unsolicited materials.
Diana Dentinger Editor in Chief
I can already read between the lines he misses his older brother too when he asks me: “So what are you and the kids doing this weekend?” He never asked that before now! Instead my younger kids just started a whole new school - actually in a whole new language. Even though I have always talked to my kids in English, now they will have lessons all day in English and not in Italian anymore. My daughter had a bit of a nervous tummy the other day. Wow, how change affects us all in different ways. Soon, my youngest son will “manifest” some sign of minianxiety and we’ll tend to that too... So as parents, not only do we manage our own “stuff” but we need to be there for our kids “stuff” too by reassuring with an “It’ll be ok!” and also by helping them move through their “emotions” in a more conscious way. My wish is that this magazine can support you through whatever you have on your personal or family “plate”. Let us know how else we can help!
PEACE IN AWARENESS
To Beware or Be Aware That is the Question! By Diana Dentinger
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In words with a Greek origin the “a” as the first element in compound words means “lack of” or “passivity”. Similar, but not the same, is the use of “in” as a prefix added to words of Latin origin. This means “aversion”. Take the example of the word “amoral” that is not as strong as immoral. First used in Anglo Saxon languages in the 1550’s, to be “ware” or “wary” meant to be prudent and alert. Take the German word “gewaehr” meaning warranty.
Diana Dentinger As a neurobiology therapist, Team Building Specialist and Parenting Coach, Diana Dentinger uses fun tools to get people connecting on a deeper level to other people, be it for business results or improving family ties. Sign up for a complimentary consultation: www.parentbynumbers.com/session/
PEACE IN GRATITUDE
A Benevolent Universe Elevate Your Mood By Marlaine Cover
"In learning to sail you do not change the current of the water nor do you have any effect on the wind, but you learn to joist your sail and turn it this way and that to utilize the greater forces which surround you. By understanding them, you become one with them, and in doing so are able to find your own direction." June Singer As second of five girls born in six years, I spent many years telling others how to “behave” in order to be happy… and equally many telling myself. Fortunately, one day, I was unceremoniously dumped on my head and forced to acknowledge that my attempts to orchestrate creation were not working terribly well.
I also worked to see others as learning, or struggling, rather than ill-intending when we crashed. In the same way I spat out food I didn’t like, or removed a blouse that didn’t flatter, I intentionally replaced judgmental thoughts of others with more compassionate ones.
So I decided to give the whole “Being the change we wished to see in the world” a bit of a go.
When I was successful, I was truly amazed at the power of kindness.
I began by focusing on sailing my own ship more and instructing others less.
When I failed - when I still do today well suffice to say, we get what we give.
I’d always heard “You must love yourself before you can love others.” Good thing that wasn’t true for me! Challenged while I often was, loving others was a piece of cake compared to how tough I was on myself. I decided to become my own best friend and see myself in the same loving light. I also began, ten years ago, maintaining a gratitude journal. Enthusiastic though I was when I began, some days I was so aggravated with my kids and spouse that I was seriously challenged filling one short page. I literally had to force myself to write “I am grateful for life, I am grateful for breathing, I am grateful for food, shelter, freedom” etc. Guess what? I soon learned practicing gratitude was like practicing anything else, I improved over time. Moreover, being challenged when searching for things to write delivered a silver lining. I grew stronger then I might have otherwise. Shifting into gratitude gear became easier not simply when writing in my journal, but also when waiting in grocery store lines, dodging aggressive drivers, doing dishes, etc.
Guess what else? I learned, first-hand, that human bodies love gratitude - our bloodstream literally floods with oxytocin and other wonderful mood elevating hormones when we embrace it. These too increase in abundance with practice - a natural high in its purest form. It gets better. The more frequently I embraced gratitude thoughts the more things - the more people - I had to thank. Not simply a direct exchange of being kind and receiving kindness in return, though this too happened with greater consistency when I did not expect anything. It was as if I entered some type of miraculous energetic river of kindness. The more I swam in it, the more loving, authentic, non-judgmental people and unanticipated kindnesses I attracted. Today I am enormously humbled and grateful for having learned that human beings are not the exception to all creation - we too are hard-wired to thrive. It tis a benevolent Universe when we work with our divine design, stop judging the struggles of self and others, and replace attitude with gratitude.
Marlaine Cover Marlaine Paulsen Cover is the creator of the Life Skills Report Card, Author of Kissing the Mirror: Raising Humanity in the Twenty-first Century, and Founder of the Parenting 2.0 Social Consciousness movement. http://parenting2pt0.org
PEACE IN PICTURES
Coming of Age in the Digital Age A Tip for Parents of Tweens & Teens By Jo Langford
It’s 9:20 on a Monday morning and a single mother of two teen boys has just finished checking her email, and her second cup of her office’s furnished - but decent - coffee. When gasps, laughter and screams begin to filter out of the copy room in the corner room across the field of desks, she goes to investigate - as most of the employees on the floor do - to find almost a dozen, very NSFW pictures streaming out of the 200lb, color, high-definition lazer printer. Though no faces are shown in the pictures of the two individuals clearly engaged in varsity-level graphic sexual activity, as they are passed around the copy room (then quickly confiscated by management), she begins unconsciously to recognize details in the photos: the back of a couch… the color of the carpet… the exact same coffee mug which at that very moment is sitting on her desk!
The photos are of her 16 year old and his new girlfriend, doing things on her couch that most likely violate her furniture lease, and burn images into the retinas of her eyes that no mother should ever, ever be subjected to. She did not lose her job, though she came close, when the incident was traced to her laptop computer. Apparently her son had used it to place the pictures on a thumbdrive for future enjoyment, but they had accidentally also gotten sent to the printing queue. And, no, she did not kill her oldest child, though she may also have come pretty close.
The Internet is an amazing way for us all to connect and share, for kids to grow and learn and be exposed to things that they might not if left only to their “real” lives and non-technical devices. However, I conceptualize the Internet as a tool not a toy. Like a car, if you don’t know what you are doing or screw around too much, REALLY bad things can happen. As parents, we cannot underestimate the lure of being able to document every stupid thing you and your friends do with the camera that lives in your pocket. Flirting and impulsive choices are in the job description of anyone with “teen” in their age, just like it has always been… the major difference between the current generation and previous ones is that everyone has a camera with them all the time. Above and beyond the fact that underagers now actually have to expend more energy to avoid pornography than we ever spent trying to get our hands on the stuff back in the day, and that more and more teens (particularly boys) are using Internet porn as their primary source of sex education.
The most amount of damage being done to teens and tweens via the web is being done to and by themselves through porn, cyberbullying and sexting.
For example, statistically, 1 out of 5 of our teen boys has sent someone a picture of his penis over media lines. Our children WILL be online in some way, and as parents we need to develop a relationship with this phenomenon so we can help our children do the same. One mistake parents can make is to get sheepish about privacy when it comes to technology. Our children’s online lives need to be viewed differently than the journal they keep under their mattress. Do not be afraid to check browser histories on computers and smartphones.
Like sitting in the passenger seat while they learn to drive, the price of admission for things such as iPads, smartphones and laptops is our access to chats, texts, pictures, etc. We wouldn’t just toss our kids a set of car keys and say, “The freeway is that way. Go nuts!” Why would we do it with the whole, bloody Internet?
Jo Langford Jo Langford is the author of The SEX EDcyclopedia - The Guide to Healthy Sexuality for Boys and their Parents. Find out more about his work at Beheroes.net.
PEACE IN FABLES
Why You are Triggered The Ant & The Grasshopper By Donna Volpitta
“Stop it, David!” Once again, I heard the scream. My initial instinct was to scream too: “How many times does he need to tell you? LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!” But I didn’t. Not this time. Instead, I took a deep breath and called, “David, can you come here a minute?” In the several minutes that it took him to stroll over, I began to analyze what was happening. He was annoying his little brother.. but why? Why? For the same reason that I was ready to scream at him for it. Because of our stress response system. In the Aesop’s Fable, The Ant and The Grasshopper, the ant spends time preparing for winter and the grasshopper spends time playing his summer away. In our brains, we each have an ant and a grasshopper. The ant is our higher level thinking that focuses in on our long-term goals (prefrontal cortex) and the grasshopper focuses in on our immediate survival (stress response system).
The ant is kind of a diva: slow and needy. The grasshopper is fast and strong and when he comes out, he releases all kinds of energy. Neither is good or bad. It is the balance between them that is important. The grasshopper is automatically triggered in response to primary rewards and threats. When you see a car driving toward you, it is the grasshopper that can get you out of the way quickly. However, when we are in that grasshopper mode, we don’t always do things in our long-term interest.
So let’s get back to David. Knowing about the ant and grasshopper helped me look at the situation differently. So why was he in grasshopper mode? Because he was feeling like he was not being treated fairly. This is a big grasshopper trigger. Here is what I said: “David, your grasshopper is angry (yes, he knows the terms) because he feels like it is unfair that YOUR friend didn’t come over and your brother’s friend did. Your ant knows that your friend was sick, but your grasshopper is still angry. You have a lot of energy and you need to get it out. Let’s think of something that you can do to get rid of it without taking it out on your brother.”
“I’m going to sleep outside!!!!” he yelled before stomping off to pack his bag. And guess what? Packing a bag is an ant activity (long term planning) so by the time he finished packing, he was able to look out the window at the torrential downpour and decide that it was not a particularly good night for a camp out. “Mindfulness” is being aware of the situation, being able to step back and understand what is really happening. Being a mindful parent is hard! It means controlling our own grasshopper reaction... but it is very powerful. Next time you are tempted to scream, stop, breathe, and try to think, “Why?”
Donna Volpitta, Ed.D Donna Volpitta, Ed.D. is working transform the way leaders and individuals approach everyday challenges in order to build resilience. She is author of the book The Resilience Formula: A Guide To Proactive, Not Reactive, Parenting. To find out more, visit www.urresilient.com.
PEACE IN CHOICE
The Profit of Pain What it Means to Save By Gregory Bland
It sat innocently upon the shelf, but it still caught Katelyn’s eye and tugged at her heart strings. “It’s so soft, cute, and cuddly. Can I get it?” Gently taking the bear from her hands I affirmed, “You’re right; it is soft, cute, and cuddly.” “Can I get it?” “What about the dirt bike you’re saving for?” I asked. “Oh, I still want that too! But I really like this bear, it’s perfect!” “Hmmm. Are you willing to buy it with your own money? You did get a fair amount for Christmas!” Looking at me and nodding her head, “Yes I am. I’ll pay for it myself!” “OK. Can we think about this for a moment? Do you realize that when you buy this, it will take money out of your savings?” “Yes, Daddy, I know that.” “Do you understand what that means?” “Well, I will have to spend my own money to get the bear.” “Yes, and?”
“It will take some of my dirt bike money to do it.” “Do you know what that means in the long run?” “No.” “Do you mind if I explain it to you?” “Please.” “If you take money from your dirt bike savings, this will leave less there. Which means to build it back up again, it will take longer to do so. Do you understand that?” “Yes Daddy. I know, and that’s OK. I really want this bear.” “OK, I just wanted to make sure that you understood. The choice is yours Sweetie , what are you going to do?”
“I don’t feel so good about it now.” “No. It doesn’t feel good inside right now does it? But, there is a lot we can learn through these experiences. If you could do this over again, what would you do differently?”
“I really, really, want it, so I’m going to buy it.” “You’re positive?” “Yes.” “Alright.” Looking at the bear she said, “You’ll like our house, it’s a real nice place to live.” A couple of weeks later as I sat in the family room reading, Katelyn climbed upon my lap, nestled into me and said, “Daddy, I wish I didn’t buy that bear.” “I thought you loved that bear! What makes you say that?” “Well, now I have to save up longer to buy my dirt bike.” “Yes, that is true; it will take a bit longer.” “Yeah.” “How does that make you feel?”
“I would just leave the bear there and save the money!” she stated emphatically. Giving responsibility, in simple ways like this, allows our children to risk growth, develop their strengths, decision making ability, character, and build a reservoir of experience from which to draw wisdom throughout life. Overall it displays a love for our children that sees beyond the present and intentionally positions our children for growth that prepares them for life as responsible adults. * This experience has greatly shaped Katelyn’s approach to financial stewardship which is easily recognized in her conduct, thoughts, and decisions nine years after the experience outlined above.
Gregory Bland Gregory Bland is the author of Pro-Active Parent Coaching: Capturing the Heart of Your Child. Developer of the Pro-Active Parent Coaching model and co-founder with his family of The Legacy Centre: Creating a Legacy of Relational Health for Generations to Follow.
PEACE IN CARING
Loving an Outside Child Accepting the Risks of Adoption By Deep Williams
Love is a risk. It is synonymous with chance, uncertainty, or hope. It was this love that brought my wife and I to the decision of adopting a little boy. A child whom we had never met nor heard of, just felt he was a beautiful soul. We were told of tragic stories of children who were in foster care, whose lives had been so uprooted and damaged that their adjustment to a new family was certainly uncertain. My wife and I went through the preparation courses of counseling, background checks, home studies, child types, and given a myriad of potential scenarios. But, at the end of it all, the final verdict was still about sharing our love with a child from outside of ourselves‌ a risk indeed. Then one day I was driving to work and noticed some palm trees that were being newly planted. I noticed how the workers took careful time to dig up the earth and place those big palm trees into the new, unfamiliar and foreign soil.
I also noticed that the palm branches themselves were tied together at the top, keeping them from opening up to basking in the sunlight once placed in the soil. As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months those palms branches stayed tied up until they all died. This made me very upset at first, because I wondered why the workers would plant the palms but not untie the palm branches leaving the fronds to die! Until one day, I looked up and saw a new bright green palm shoot emerging from within the heart of the palm tree between all those dead palm branches. I was amazed how this tree found a way to survive through neglect (seemingly) from the planters.
It takes a life commitment to hold them close and tight for many days if necessary until their roots grow deep enough to become established and to thrive in their new context and life. We, as humanity, must invest in those lives outside of ourselves and lives just as precious as our own. The hard and sometimes painful memories of a foster child’s past, like those dead branches, will in time fall off because new life has sprung up from within their heart… and in the hearts of their new forever family. Later I found out that it was done on purpose to tie up the branches and keep them tied. That forced the palm tree roots to search for water in the ground instead of getting moisture from the air. The roots needed to grow down first before the palm tree could grow up. Cutting the ropes off the palms branches too early would have caused the tree to die because the roots would not have been established. Adoption is a lot like planting a palm tree. Foster children are planted into your new soil, your new family.
Yes, love is a definite risk, and loving a child outside of ourselves is an uncertain journey towards a life waiting and hoping to thrive in a forever loving family. What a challenging risk to embark upon to move outside of the walls of security and to take a chance, a risk. Bring a child into the fertile ground of your home, the fertile soul of your heart and in time new life will flourish in them and in you… like a palm. Let love impact one life and it will impact the world.
Deep Williams James ‘Deep’ Williams, born and raised in Los Angeles, CA, lives with his wife and 2 children. For over 20 years he worked behind the Hollywood scenes until he picked up his own camera. Now an award winning film producer, writer and director he believes it is his purpose to produce films that uplift and inspire humanity. His slogan for film making is “Life creates films creates life”.
Water Energy for Healing Almost Like Being in the Womb
http://youtu.be/wq4Ab8zT2gM
With 4 kids of her own, she understands how each child needs that close relationship with their mother’s positive energy. She has created an amazing coaching program to help parents stay connected to the essence of their children. She offers complimentary consultations: www.parentbynumbers.com/session/
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PEACE IN NUTRITION
Where did Popeye Go? Nutritious Food, not Vitamins to Save the Day By Beth Robeson M.A.
As my son kicked back to watch Barney, a large purple dinosaur sing and dance across the screen, a commercial came on with an adorable little girl sitting at a table, a plate of broccoli in front of her. Suddenly, the broccoli turned into a green monster and came off the plate at her! And then, some nice chewable candy vitamins saved the day. What exactly are we teaching kids about food? Where did Popeye the Sailor go? Popeye taught kids all over the world that spinach builds strong muscles. Childhood diabetes rates have tripled since the 70’s, rare childhood cancers are up 400% and we have an epidemic of childhood obesity. Let’s go back to teaching kids that vegetables are good for them! I say bring on the Broccoli Super Heroes. Scaring innocent little girls with broccoli monsters might make vitamin companies a lot of money, but there’s little to no scientific evidence that vitamins are good for you.
Kids deserve better, broccoli deserves better. Kids are smart, smart enough to know that it matters what they put in their bodies. Let’s give them the information they need to make good choices about the foods they eat. Half way through the show my 3 year old son turned to me with a sly look and said… “Mom, look….Barney has a zipper!” “I’m strong to the finish cause I eats me spinach! I’m Popeye the Sailor Man.” 20
Beth Robeson M.A. With a Bachelor’s Degree in Motivational Psychology and a Master’s Degree in Sociology, Beth Robeson has spent 20 years researching, writing and teaching families about eating healthy and positive parenting. Visit her at: www.healthykidsfast.com or write beth@healthykidsfast.com 21
PEACE IN DAD TIME
Magical Moments Dads, Make Time for Your Kids By Jeffrey G. Kirk
One day my daughter and I were lying on the grass in the backyard resting after playing. As we gazed up at the clouds we were saying what they looked like. After a few minutes of this she turned to me and said: “Dad this is a magical moment”, to which I smiled and said: “It sure is sweetie”. Magical moments are what we call those moments in time that feel extra special to both of us, and truly strengthen our bond. These moments only happen when we take time out of our busy lives to be involved and give our kid(s) our undivided attention. This makes them feel special and loved. As Dads we easily get caught up in the hustle and hurry of life, after all we have a lot of responsibilities and pressures on us. Single Dads (like myself) have even more pressure as there is no one to share the load with.
However kids grow up really fast, and when they become teenagers they don’t really want to hang out with their parents. Nothing is more important than spending quality time with your kids, especially when they are young. It will transform any relationship and build bonds that will last for a lifetime. If you take the time to show you really care, your kids will open up to you about all sorts of things. They want to talk to you, but they have to know you are listening. This in turn increases their self-confidence and selfworth. Why? Because taking time out of your busy day to be with them sends the message “I matter, what I think matters” to your kids. If you don’t make the time they get the exact opposite message “I don’t matter”. That simple change can lead to success or failure in school and life. Kids have to be self-confident to tackle all of the challenges they face at school and in life. A great life is a life filled with “magical moments”. Make time for a magical moment with your kids today!
Jeffrey G. Kirk Jeff Kirk has been involved with his daughter since day one, and loves to help other dads get involved. He is the official 2013 Dad of the year for the state of Colorado. He is also the male involvement chair for Jefferson County PTA. He can be found online writing for www.involvedad.com as well as Every Little Thing Counts 360 Parenting, and is a proud Global Presence Ambassador.
PEACE IN FRUSTRATION
Mirror Behaviour Create the Connection By Jackie Charley
Every week it was the same… baseball cap pulled over his eyes, arms folded across his chest and the lad so slumped in his chair that he was almost under the table. Just what Steve*, the Career’s Officer, wanted to see first thing in the morning! Brad* had been coming to the Career’s Office for a couple of months now as part of a rehabilitation scheme and, like it or not, would have to keep coming for quite some time yet. Steve was beside himself to know how to engage this silent teenager. If he was lucky, his questions provoked a subdued grunt. His attempts to engage in general conversation were largely ignored - for some reason the coffee stain on the desk was better at holding this lad’s attention than he was. He was frustrated beyond belief, but he wanted to help Brad somehow, anyhow, to take steps towards a better future. Then he had a brainwave.
At the next meeting Brad got a shock. He walked into the room to see Steve, slumped in his chair, wearing a baseball cap pulled over his eyes. He made no eye contact with Brad and just sat silently staring at the table. Brad gingerly pulled his own chair back and sat down looking rather confused. Silence. After a few moments of bewilderment, Brad sat up, leaned across the table and with a note of compassion in his voice he didn’t know he possessed, said “What’s up?” Contact! From that point on Brad and Steve really started to communicate.
I’ve found mirroring a child’s behaviour to be a very useful tool in my box of communication tricks. It can be funny, or challenging depending on where you are, and what the child is doing, but it’s a great way to break through the unseen wall that sometimes separates us from our children. Be brave and have a go. Connection is the heart of love. *Not their real names
Brad realized that Steve was no distant white-coated official trying to trip him up, but just a normal guy trying to do his job, and he was on Brad’s side. Steve had taken the risk of getting it wrong, being laughed at, or even ignored (again!), but mirroring Brad’s behaviour had paid off. It had helped Brad cross the bridge between them by by-passing the element of confrontation he had been dreading.
Jackie Charley Jackie Charley, published author, NLP Practitioner and Parent Coach focusing on confident parenting and effective communication with children. In a nutshell, I help stressed-out parents reconnect with their kids. My underlying passion is to see parents realize their full potential as fulfilled individuals, as well as bringing up wonderful children. Visit me: www.unlockthecage.com
PEACE WITH DREAMS
The Impossible Dream Or Is It? by Julia Neiman
Dreams, we all have them, are essential to our very being. Sometimes our children have dreams that we don’t believe in because we don’t see how they can possibly come true. Often we try to quash those dreams because, being well-intentioned for our children, we don’t want them to be disappointed. However, what we end up doing with our good intentions is quashing their confidence and injuring their spirit in ways we may never recognize.
While it was not likely that he would ever master skateboarding, his dream gave him a reason to get up in the morning.
When I worked with teens in foster care I had a client who wanted to spend the rest of his life skateboarding.
Rather than take that away from him, I encouraged him to find other things that he could do related to skateboards.
He carried his skateboard with him wherever he went and took every opportunity to ride it.
I suggested that it might be a good way to earn some money while developing his skating ability.
He dreamed of being a professional skateboarder even though he was uncoordinated and had very little skill.
I discovered he had some ability to draw and with encouragement from me, he decided to create skateboard art.
He also had several major mental health issues that made it likely that he would have significant difficulty finding and holding a job.
He made several designs and with my assistance, we contacted a company that makes skateboards and they liked his designs so much that they bought all of them.
He then had the idea to make designs to silkscreen on tee shirts and created a thriving business as a graphic designer of skateboarding art. During this time, this young man found a confidence that he didn’t have before. He started believing that he could not only take care of himself financially, but that he could have a successful business and therefore a successful life. I watched as his self-esteem blossomed and he grew in many ways, including taking an active part in managing his mental health issues. Our children are capable of amazing things if we support them in their dreams or even with just their ideas.
A major greeting card company paid her millions for her designs. Another young man didn’t like using scented candles in glass jars because he thought they were too feminine; his parents support his idea to create more masculine scented candles in cans which he calls Man Candles. He is now a millionaire CEO of his own company. What impossible dreams do your children have that you can encourage and support them in? With a little thought it isn’t difficult to help them find ways to keep that dream alive by encouraging things that they can do related to their passions.
There are many stories of teens creating million dollar businesses because their parents supported them.
In doing that, you are raising happy, confident kids who aren’t afraid to follow their passions and create the life of their dreams.
One young women created a line of greeting cards for teens because she and her friends used to complain they couldn’t find cards for their friends that made sense.
Sign up now to get Ten Amazing Life Lessons To Develop an Entrepreneur Mindset and Create Success in Life and Business : http://julianeiman.com/10lessons
Julia Neiman Julia Neiman, author and youth empowerment coach, trains adults to empower young people to develop an entrepreneur mindset and start a business. She hosts a monthly membership group for parents who would like to provide their children with entrepreneurial skills so they have options in life.
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PEACE IN HURT
The Skinned Knee Incident When Things Need Attention By Martin Dutcher
One afternoon Richard, a three-year-old, came in from the preschool backyard play area, crying loudly and asking, “Where’s my mom!?” (His mom was one of the teachers.) “She’s not here now, Richard. She went to get some paper. What’s happening?” “I want my mom!!” He was crying and almost yelling. I could see that he was holding his knee and there was blood running down his shin. I went over to him. “Well, she’s not here - what happened?” I asked as I stooped down and moved closer. “I fell down ...”, he managed to say while continuing to cry, “... on the sidewalk. It hu-u-rts!!” he cried. “I can tell,” I said sincerely and warmly. Then I added, “That’s a good thing, that it hurts.” That didn’t satisfy him, of course, and he cried more loudly. I moved a little closer. “I meant that it's good for it to hurt since you fell on the cement and broke the skin.”
He started to make eye contact with me but was still crying and was looking puzzled. I continued. "Hurting is how our body tells us where something needs attention. And you did exactly the right thing by coming to get help." He was listening. “Come here and let’s take care of it,” I said as confidently and calmly as I could. He came over to me. “Let’s take a look …”.
I said, “Richard, your knee is working perfectly right now, and I can tell it really hurts. Hurting is how your knee makes sure that you take care of it right away, and bleeding helps it clean itself. And that’s why I said ‘Good!’ when you told me it was bleeding.” Then I added,as he looked me in the eye, "Richard, there is nothing wrong. You are doing great." He stopped crying, took my hand, and we proceeded to clean up and bandage his knee. My last statement to him was, "Richard, great job. You did just what you needed to do to take good care of your knee." This whole event only took a few minutes. When his mom found out what happened, she was amazed that he was over it so fast.
When a child perceives that a behavior is bad or wrong, it is a threat to his/her belonging, essentially interfering with the learning process. However, a small shift in our parental point of view can help us begin to alleviate the parent - child relational issues caused by this historical (and at times, necessary) good or bad, right or wrong paradigm. Words that can replace the language of "good, bad" and "right, wrong," are the words "what works" for a specific goal and "what doesn't work" for that goal. Think of what works as that which leads to the kinds of behaviors you desire the destination, and the dialogue (between you and your child) as the vehicle.
Don't we usually jump in with, "What's wrong, honey?" And of course there is nothing bad or wrong with that, but what messages come along with that question? Direct and more subtle right-wrong and good-bad messages also come from us with regard to our children's behaviors.
Martin Dutcher Marty has a BH in Human Development/ECE, now retired with over 30 years experience as a preschool and child care classroom teacher, director, and staff/ parent coach. Marty and his wife, Carolyn, are also parents of two amazing adult daughters. Marty's favorite place, however, was always on the floor with the children. www.ParentingForPartnership.com
PEACE IN EXPERIENCE
Your Child’s Character Determines Their Destiny By Lesa Day
I worked with Callie starting at 14 years old for three years as she went through all those roller coaster of emotions most teens experience during this time and didn’t know how much of an impact I had on her life until 11 years later. I got the urgent call from her Callie’s mother telling me of the tragedy that occurred with the loss of her 2 year old daughter to an accident and I’m the one Callie needed to talk to. We can teach our children ABC’s, math facts, how to read, play an instrument or bat a ball but as time goes by and they become adults their character is what stays with them.
Is it a girl who’s confident, stands on her integrity and loves others?
As a parent you have tremendous amounts of influence in your child’s life as to who they become. If you consider all of the success stories you’ve heard throughout the years there is one common denominator in all of them.
Or is it a boy who feels a lack of worthiness and won’t assert himself to apply for certain jobs or get involved in community activities because he doesn’t believe he’s good enough?
It starts with how they think! Our mind is our greatest battlefield. It determines whether we take risks and shoot for the stars or whether we give up and feel like a failure.
It’s who they see when they look in the mirror. The question you need to ask yourself is - who do they see?
This quote by Lao Tzu, Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. Ask yourself are you having the right influence on your child based on your daily interactions? Are they witnessing love, honesty, integrity, confidence, and faith enough so it becomes a natural part of their thinking? What books are they reading? Who are they hanging out with? Are they pursuing their interests such as art, music, athletics, etc.?
All of this is part of the influence that determines where they will be in one year, ten years and 20 years from now and the greatest example they have is you as a parent who they watch every day and how you choose to live your life. As I picked up the phone and listened I saw an amazing woman of faith and strength beyond my understanding. Did I know I was going to be one of the first people she would need for support during a time like this? No, I didn’t. But because of the influence I had in her life during such a significant time of growth she knew my character. It turned out Callie probably had more an impact on me as I witnessed her amazing strength and love as she went through the healing process of losing a child. Callie and her husband now have a family of eight with over half of them being adopted. There are going to be many things you can’t control that will happen in your child’s life, but the influence of character you have on them can determine how they handle success or tragedy.
Lesa Day Lesa has been coaching families in the private sector for over 20 years. Prior to that she was a social worker specializing in working with disabled adults. My structure, techniques and methods that I've been successfully using for nearly 20 years, are all right here in my new book, How to Get Your Child to Say "Yes!", "I Can!" & "I Will!"
PEACE IN ABILITY
Brain Building Tips Make These Tips Your Daily Habits by Lauren Zimet
As parents, there is just so much we want for our children. Below please find five brain-friendly tips to nurture your child’s brain for a great start to the school year! Keeping your child’s brain healthy by giving it what it needs is a top priority to ensure that your child is learning and performing to the best of her ability. Five Tips for Improving Your Child’s Ability to Learn 1. Brain Food - Your child’s brain will thrive if together, you create menus with natural and organic ingredients. A diet high in fruit and veggies serves the brain and body well! Fruit and veggies do not contain the artificial colors and flavors used in processed foods. Don’t forget the liquid brain food; keeping kids hydrated with pure water is also important for a healthy brain. 2. Down Time - It starts with sleep. Set up a night time ritual that is rewarding and nurturing. Avoid stimulating activities before bedtime, including video games or television.
The hour prior to bedtime should be filled with calm, soothing, consistent bed time rituals, such as listening to relaxing music, deep breathing/meditation, journaling/drawing, reading, quiet connection. Children learn how to relax from watching the adults in their life. If you want your child to learn how to self soothe and relax, it needs to be modeled. Our busy world teaches to push ourselves and then extend far beyond our capacity, for adults and children alike. Stress can be a contributing factor to a number of challenges, ranging from learning difficulties to digestive problems.
Having a tool box full of relaxation strategies when the going gets tense, provides necessary techniques for self regulation and self soothing. These are tools that will last a lifetime. 3. Up Time – The brain loves oxygen. One way to get more oxygen is through exercise. Physical and mental stimulation are both important. Puzzles and games that challenge the child (and parent too, are a better activity than watching TV). Taking music lessons or joining a chess club are also ideal activities, as they are novel challenges, which help create new neural pathways and support brain function. What kind of brain challenge would your child like to undertake? 4. Fat for Fat - Your brain is composed of healthy fats. These need to be replenished through the food we eat and through purified dietary supplements. Two fatty acids called EPA and DHA are important for proper growth, particularly for neural development and maturation of sensory systems. Especially important in children, these fats are necessary for cognitive development. Many families choose supplements to ensure the brain is getting enough fatty acids.
I have witnessed positive changes with the addition of supplementation in both children and adults. 5. Rewire the Hardwire - Children need help in acknowledging and working through the bad, sad, mad, frustrated, and negative thoughts. Demonstrating positive self-talk in front of your child lays a blueprint for how they may handle their own problems. Avoid blame. Negative thoughts and mistakes are opportunities to learn from. Teaching your child to label emotions and recognize feelings helps connect the nonverbal and verbal pathways in the brain. Strengthening these pathways can improve a child’s ability to take on another’s perspective. Emotional wellness is key to all types of learning. Statistics: Each of us is born with 100 billion brain cells. The brain uses 20% of your body’s energy at rest and uses even more during problem solving. The brain is the fattiest organ in the body made up of 60% fat.
Lauren Zimet Lauren Zimet, M.S.,CCC/SLP, NDT Certified Speech Language Pathologist, and Better Brains for Babies Educator, is the co-director of Healthy Foundations, an Atlanta based education program that facilitates brain health, nutrition education and social thinking for children of all ages and abilities. www.earlyinsights.com , www.healthyfoundationsatlanta.com
PEACE IN HELP
Navigating the River of Parenting Have You Found Your Flow? By Lori Dunlap
“I’m afraid of my son,” she said without any trace of irony or humor. I was stunned - not only because of what she’d said, but because of where she’d said it.
Dr. Dan Siegel, researcher and author of several parenting books, describes family dynamics and the challenging situations in which we often find ourselves this way:
This mother was not one of my coaching clients sharing her parenting worries and challenges with me in a private setting she was a casual acquaintance, the mother of my son’s friend sitting next to me in the public bleachers as we watched our boys practice with their team.
“If we imagine ourselves on a river, navigating our families along our mutual journey, we can see that our river has two banks, each representing an extreme condition of our relationships. These two extremes are chaos and rigidity.”
As I recovered from the surprise of her statement, my heart went out to her as I recognized the fear and deep anxiety it implied, not to mention the desperation.
Chaos is when there is no clear navigator. Parents and kids hold the same level of authority and power in the family.
All parents experience periods of feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or “stuck”, even if the details of our situations vary.
This lack of clear leadership and structure results in arguing and bribing, with family members (both adults and children) often getting triggered and “losing it”.
Rigidity is a “parent as dictator” dynamic. In contrast to chaos, this dynamic has a highly rigid structure that does not allow children any room for negotiation or independence, often causing them to feel powerless and/or rebellious.
When my younger son was seven, he began experiencing quite a bit of anxiety and some big emotions for no apparent reason, and we were bouncing from chaos to rigidity and back again trying to find a solution.
Parents yield absolute control and power, and communication tends to flow in one direction only - from parent to child.
Seeing the pain on his sweet little face after one particular melt down made me realize, finally, that I had to get over my fear of asking for help. After all, I consulted financial advisors for help in managing money, so why not seek parenting support?
So, knowing that we are all on a similar journey facing similar navigational challenges, why do many of us find it so difficult to admit to these feelings that we all encounter at some point, often waiting until we are desperate to ask for help (if we ever do)? For me, it was the fear that nobody could possibly understand my situation well enough and, even more frightening, that maybe I was doing something wrong.
So I did, and here’s what I found out: our situation was not unique! I n fact, entire books had been written about helping sensitive kids understand and manage their emotions. With the support of a skilled coach and lots of reading, we navigated through the turbulent waters and eventually found our way back to “flow”. Which doesn’t mean that the waters don’t still get bumpy sometimes (they do), but now I have more knowledge and better tools to calmly and confidently navigate through them. What’s more, when the next challenge comes, I won’t wait so long to ask for help.
Lori Dunlap After a 20-year career in the corporate world, Lori is now pursuing her long-held interest in researching and writing about parenting and education issues. Find her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TeachYourOwn
Whether you are worn-out from chasing kids or building a career, or both, the Happy Mom Conference is the weekend getaway for you.
Join Us Live in Bonita Springs, FL Hyatt Regency Coconut Point in Bonita Springs, FL Sept 14-15
To register online for your Saturday-Only ($149) or Full-Conference Ticket ($199) go to www.HappyMomConference.com.
or Be a Virtual Attendee Can't join us in person? Grab a Virtual Ticket to get the audio files from the weekend full of seminars delivered straight to your inbox the week after the event for just $69. Created by April O'Leary, founder of the University of Moms, and contributor to the Inner Peace Parenting Magazine. Enjoy your choice of 6- 30 minute breakout sessions from 9-2:30, with lunch included. Then check into your room, relax by the pool or grab a drink or snack with friends between 3-5. You'll have the opportunity to meet and network with other moms and businesses, participate in seminars with national and area mom-focused experts, enjoy yoga or zumba and just relax. Grab a friend, share a room and join in on the fun.
Frequent Contributor of the Inner Peace Parenting Magazine:
Dr. Connie Hebert presents her latest book The Teachable Minute: The Secret to Raising Smart & Appreciative Kids
Order Now:
theteachableminute.com
Catch it on October 8th at your favorite online bookstore. Catch a million teachable minutes with kids...while you can! 8
PEACE IN LOVE
I Teach You Because I Love You By Starla Lewis
On the first day of my classes teaching college I tell my students that I teach because I love them. I ask,� How many of you believe me, only a few raise their hands. I share that I know that I love them because I love me and I see myself in them. I tell them that on the last day of class they will know that it is true. I share with my students that the night before the first day of school I can’t sleep because I know that they are my gifts and that I have a whole semester to open them. I teach my students that the purpose of their education is knowledge of self and that my role as a teacher is to help bring the knowledge out of them. I make every class relevant to the students because I personalize it and help students understand how they are connected to the subject matter.
I express that my personal goal is for them to be truth seekers, independent learners, researchers, and analytical thinkers. I want them to be able to see themselves in all of humanity.
On the first day of class I give my students insight into who they are.
I witness the transformations of my students throughout the semester.
I share this message through an affirmation that affirms the essence of humanity.
At the end of each semester students share how the course has impacted their lives.
I tell them that they are brilliant, that everyone is born with a light to shine.
They discuss how they have learned to love and forgive themselves, as well as others.
I teach tell them their light is their gifts and talents. I tell them they are powerful, and that their power lies in their free will. I tell them they will choose in the positive or they will choose in the negative, but they will choose. I tell them that they are limitless, multifaceted, multitalented, and magnificent beyond imagination. I tell them that they are love, unconditional, boundless acceptance of self and others. When students accept themselves as brilliant, powerful, limitless, love, they begin to manifest their authentic self.
One student shared how the class taught her to change her negative thoughts into positive affirmations and in doing so she was able to put an end to 13 years of using depression medication. Another student shared how after one month of being in the class he found the strength to stop considering suicide, for he had discovered reasons to live. At the end of each semester my students and I conclude with this loving affirmation to reminds them of the power we all possess: I am Brilliant! I am Powerful! I am Limitless! I am Love!
Starla Lewis Starla Lewis is a master teacher and transformational speaker. She is on a mission to teach people how to use love to address and heal life issues.
PEACE IN SELF
Words of Power How to Speak to Yourself by Margaret Ashley
The power of words is undeniable. Our communication, our view of the world and how we see ourselves is directly impacted by the words we are exposed to. They can make our day, give us hope, encourage us to strive forward with confidence or break our hearts and spirits, making us doubt our worth and question our abilities. Too often words are spoken without consideration of the magnitude of their power to impact another long term. What would happen if our children were shown how to use words as instruments of empowerment to build themselves and each other up? The day my 14 year old nephew sat in front of me hunched over, eyes downcast, completely deflated, and without hope for the future, it hit me that this incredible young man was on the verge of being lost forever. He was failing miserably in school, had no appetite, wasn’t sleeping, was depressed, and angry.
His mom had called asking for help. She was being forced to pull him out of school. She had reached out hoping that I might be able get through to her son and help him. I agreed to try. This once vibrant happy boy, told me he hated school, hated the meds he was on for ADHD. He didn’t get what they were teaching or why he had to learn “that stuff”. He was teased because he was behind, told he was stupid, and made fun of because he was in a “special” class. When he wasn’t getting a concept he’d disrupt the class because he was bored causing teachers to become frustrated with him.
I was appalled to learn a teacher had told him he should quit school and work at MacDonalds instead of wasting her time because he would never amount to anything anyway.
He came to understand he was capable of learning anything if it was presented in a way that worked for him. We played games that increased his reading, math and critical thinking skills.
My heart broke as I asked if he believed that and he said: “Ya, I guess since I can’t seem to learn anything.”
Most importantly he discovered that the most impactful words he needed to pay attention to were the words he spoke to himself.
I told him I didn’t believe it and I asked if he’d be willing to work with me to prove they were wrong, that he could learn and be anything he wanted, if he just believed he could as much as I did.
Today he’s a happy, well adjusted, popular 16 year old enrolled in an apprenticeship program he loves.
He looked up at me, his eyes glistening and asked: “Really Auntie, you think I can?” I hugged him replying: “Absolutely, without a doubt!”
Not long ago he came by and said: “Thanks Auntie”. I asked what he was thanking me for. His reply: “For believing in me and showing me I really can be and do anything”.
Thus began 2 weeks of transformation. We ditched the books and the word “can’t”. Instead we focused on what was important to him, what he liked to do, what he was good at, what he wanted in his future. Within a couple of days he was excited about life again and had hope. Each day he discovered something new about himself that raised his selfconfidence.
I replied: “Thank you for being willing and having the courage to believe in yourself”. Tears welled up in my eyes as I marveled at how a few powerful words had made such a difference, silently wishing that all children could be given the incredible gift of learning to create limitless possibilities for themselves and others through words that allow them to believe in themselves and their potential.
Margaret Ashley Margaret Ashley is CEO and founder of The Natural Learning Centre. She’s an entrepreneur, author, inspired educator, international speaker and host of the online Life Skills For Kids Empowerment Series. Join our non-profit’s mission to empower children for success in school and life at www.TheNaturalLearningCentre.com
PEACE IN THANKS
Gratitude Beyond Words Being Grateful By Mary O’Donohue
When my son was 5 years old, he received an unexpected gift from a friend of mine. He tore open the wrapping with great excitement only to discover the present did not contain a toy, or a game. No, it was a t-shirt. He didn’t even try to conceal his disappointment as he dropped the package on the floor, stepped over it and started walking away. So, I called out after him. “Hey, what do you say?” His reply was a lackluster “Thaaank youuu,” as he left the room without even a glance in our direction. I was mortified. Sure, my five year old had neglected to say “thank you” before, and sure, my husband and I had prompted, cajoled, and reminded him to express his gratitude many times. Or had we? I got this sinking feeling that we had totally missed the mark. When my husband and I prompted our son to “Say thank you” we were just training him to act thankful rather than teaching him to be a grateful person.
There was this great divide between those two concepts, and as parents, it is so important to bridge that divide in ways that are practical and will stay with our kids as they grow into adulthood. There was this great divide between those two concepts, and as parents, it is so important to bridge that divide in ways that are practical and will stay with our kids as they grow into adulthood. When it comes to raising grateful kids, practical life experiences such as simple, engaging exercises, have much more impact than reminding our kids to say thank you.
Making a practice to keep a Gratitude Board - a large poster board where everyone in the family writes one thing for which they are grateful each day has a huge impact on helping children and adults alike to focus on the many blessings in their lives. Oftentimes these are things that go unnoticed in our busy lives today - a classmate shared a sandwich when your child forgot her lunch, a co-worker stood up for you at a meeting, your child wanted to cuddle and watch a movie with you rather than playing a video game on his own.
There is so much to be grateful for in our everyday lives, and this simple practice, shared with the entire family, brings that point home in a gentle, consistent, and effective way. This doesn’t have to be done every day of the year to make a significant change. In my family, we do this every day during the month of January, also known to us as “Gratitude Month.” This gratitude exercise, and a few others we do during the month have helped my children go beyond saying “thank you,” to become truly grateful people.
Mary O’Donohue Mary is the best-selling author of the award-winning parenting book “When You Say “Thank You,” Mean It”. She has been featured in Parents Magazine, and has appeared on national radio and television programs including The Better Show. Mary’s mission is to provide powerful, practical tools to develop and foster extraordinary character from childhood onward.
The September 2013 Contributors
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