SORTED magazine : March / April 2014

Sorted Issue 39 Mar_Apr 14_Layout 1 04/02/2014 13:25 Page 1

BEN STILLER THE RIGHT DIRECTION ®

Mar/Apr 2014

sorted-magazine.com

JOEL

WARD DREAMING

BIG BEN STILLER DADDY COOL

BRIAN

LITTRELL ALL I HAVE

TO GIVE

£4.00

In partnership with

CULTURE | SPORT | CARS | SEX | FITNESS | TECH | HUMOUR | LIFESTYLE

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Vol. 8 | No. 2 | Mar/Apr 2014

www.sorted-magazine.com

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50 56

80 41 ACTION 6

Military Matters with Flt Lt Jonny ‘JP’ Palmer

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The Bear Facts with Bear Grylls

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Let There Be Lights

COLUMNISTS 16

Diamond Geezer with Ant Delaney

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Your Will, Mott Mine with Alex Willmott

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Compassion with Kate Sharma

CULTURE

FEATURES 41

The Boys Are Back in Town Joy Tibbs takes a trip down memory lane with Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys

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Out of a Clear Blue Sky Being a doctor does not make dealing with cancer any easier, as Richard Scott shares

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Search for the Leader Within Desperate and suicidal, Luke Havard felt there was no way back, but one pivotal moment turned his life around

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Hands‐On Art Up‐and‐coming artist Kyle Barnes is already winning prizes

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The Secret Life of Ben Stiller Ben Stiller on life, love and avoiding sharks in the North Sea

Resurrection of a Vision Jesus Saves is back in the race and enjoying poll position on a regular basis

BUSINESS 64

We’re in Business with Charles Humphreys

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Making Your Mark with Stuart Rivers

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Movies with Martin Leggatt

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Relationology with Matt Bird

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Television with Emily Russell

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Bolder and Boulder with Martin Carter

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Gaming with Jim Lockey

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Collective Action with Martin Thomas

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DVD & Blu Ray with Martin Leggatt

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Books with Mark Anderson

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Music with Sue Rinaldi

ADVICE 70

Smart Talk

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Big Questions with Jonathan Sherwin

LIFESTYLE 31

Cars with Tim Barnes‐Clay

OPINION

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Six of the Best… Cool Runnings

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Money with Jon Cobb

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Top Gear – Gadgets and gizmos galore

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Family with Richard Hardy

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Gadget Geek with Paul Hurst

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Faith with Sam Gibb

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Politics with Lyndon Bowring

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Cut to the Chase with Lee and Baz

40 Sixty Second Life Coach

with Peter Horne

Cover pictures: REX/Steve Bisgrove and Getty Images

SPORT 80

Joel Ward talks faith and football

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What do the Premier League and the Church have in common?

HEALTH & FITNESS 90

Fitness with Phil Baines

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Healthy Cooking with Mike Darracott

HUMOUR 92

Kneel‐Down Stand‐Up with Paul Kerensa

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In Vino Veritas with Tony Vino

COMMENT 96

Lucas Aid with Jeff Lucas

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The Last Word with Carl Beech

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STEVE LEGG

Sorted.

Up Front

Hashtag FAIL because he succumbed to altitude sickness and couldn’t get to the top.

If I’m being frank, I don’t like failing. I avoid situations where I think it’s possible, let alone probable, and persistence takes on a whole new meaning when it could mean the difference between succeeding and failing. I succeed; it’s what drives me.

Founding Editor Steve Legg steve@sorted‐magazine.com Deputy Editor Joy Tibbs joy@sorted‐magazine.com

OUR MACHISMO CAN LIMIT WHAT WE’RE PREPARED TO DO AND I’M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN.

Sports Editor Stuart Weir Marketing & Advertising Rebekah Taylor rebekah@sorted‐magazine.com Duncan Williams Tel: 07960 829615 williamspublishing@yahoo.com Design Andy Ashdown Design www.andyashdowndesign.co.uk Print Halcyon www.halcyonline.co.uk Distribution COMAG © Sorted Magazine 2014 Sorted is published by Son Christian Media (SCM) Ltd. The acceptance of advertising does not indicate editorial endorsement.

SCM holds names and addresses on computer for the purpose of mailing in accordance with the terms registered under the Data Protection Act 1984.

Sorted is protected by copyright and nothing may be produced wholly or in part without prior permission.

Contact Sorted Magazine PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex, BN17 6WX, UK Tel: 01903 732190 E‐mail: steve@sorted‐magazine.com

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I

have a long and distinguished list of moments that can only be described as ‘fails’. They range from turning myself into the jolly green giant after a mishap with a fence sprayer to discovering that the wardrobe I had just spent three hours on had somehow been put together backwards. Another was taking my wife to a Neil Diamond musical spectacular as a birthday treat, only to discover that she doesn’t like Neil Diamond.

These were all fails, but they were unintentional ones. They were meant to be triumphs. I’d planned and worked to achieve and succeed and, if I’m honest, to impress. I didn’t.

I’ve spent the last six months planning and training to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. I’m doing it to raise money for Compassion, an organisation I’m passionate about. It lifts children and whole families out of poverty and releases them to realise their potential. It’s a privilege to partner with Compassion; an organisation that succeeds time and again.

This climb, though, is another thing. I’m not a mountain climber, I’ve got dodgy knees and the thought of sleeping rough gives me the shivers. But I’ve worked really hard to get ready.

I’ve been walking miles every day with the dog, had vaccinations, taken tablets and generally become obsessed with the whole thing. But as fit as I’ve become and as loaded up with prophylactics as I am, there’s one thing that’s totally out of my control, and it could totally fail the whole operation: altitude sickness.

Five years ago, Chris Moyles and Gary Barlow climbed the same mountain. Against the odds, it was Moyles that found it easiest of the two.

A couple of months ago the lads were giving Robbie Savage grief on Match of the Day

So this climb is a different kind of challenge for me, beyond the physical training and medical preparation. It’s facing up to the possibility of failure, accepting that it might happen and getting my head around the fact that it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

It’s quite a liberating thought. It opens up a whole new range of possibilities; things I would previously never have considered doing because I couldn’t be sure of the outcome. Our machismo can limit what we’re prepared to do and I’m not just talking about climbing a mountain. Because let’s face it, it’s a pretty cool thing to say you’ve done regardless.

But there are some conversations we don’t face and emotions we don’t acknowledge because we have no idea how to navigate them. We’re afraid we’ll get it wrong, terrified of failure.

The thing I’ve learned is this: real failure lies in not trying in the first place. Not trying to have that difficult conversation with your teenage daughter, not telling your wife the hundred things you love about her, not looking for a way to fix that broken relationship with your family or not finding the words to apologise for your mistakes. You might not get it the right first time, but you’ll learn as you go along and you’ll be further along the road to success if you take that first step.

So, I’m climbing the mountain and I may not get to the top. But either way it’s going to be the achievement of a lifetime. n

Steve Legg FOUNDING EDITOR steve@sorted-magazine.com SteveLeggUK

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ACTION

FLT LT JONNY ‘JP’ PALMER

Military Matters

RISE OF THE CHALLENGER You might consider the weekly crossword a bit of a challenge.

Try navigating the Chally 2 through a warzone…

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ACTION

BY FLIGHT LIEUTENANT JONNY ‘JP’ PALMER

MOD photography used under the Open Government Licence v1.0

T

here has never been another sportsman to equal him, either in or out of the ring.

Muhammad Ali was a man who would rather be jailed and stripped of his titles than compromise his beliefs and identity.

But it wasn’t always thus, as he was once a 12‐year‐old boy and furious at having his bike stolen. Telling the police officer (an amateur boxing coach) how he was going to ‘whup’ the thief eventually led him to an amateur record of 100 wins and an Olympic Gold before his professional career saw Ali lift the World Heavyweight Champion’s belt three times.

Sports Illustrated crowned him Sportsman of the Century, while the BBC amassed more votes in his favour than for George Best, Pelé, Donald Bradman, Jack Nicklaus and Jesse Owens combined. Such was the meteoric rise of the ultimate challenger.

In the same year that Ali was unanimously voted BBC Sports Personality of the Century, another Challenger was carving out its reputation. In 1999, the FV4034 Challenger 2 Main Battle Tank (MBT) completed its in‐service tests and was accepted into the Royal Armoured Corps inventory. ‘Chally 2’, as it is affectionately known by tank crews, shares little more than a name with its predecessor, as it is an entirely new build from the ground up.

When this Challenger steps into the ring, it takes with it 49 main armament shells, a mix of armour‐piercing, high explosive and smoke rounds, allowing it to engage everything from enemy tanks to occupied buildings with ease. While you might think this would pack enough punch, the tank’s armoury also boasts a 550‐round‐per minute L94A1 chain gun, a pintle‐mounted general‐ purpose machine gun (GPMG) and ten smoke grenade dischargers.

Crews operating in war are able to operate further heavy weapons from under the armour, thanks to a Remote Weapons Station (RWS) mounted on the turret, which allows the Chally 2 to be as cocky as Ali when he claimed he could “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee”.

What really rattles the UK’s adversaries at weigh‐in, though, is the realisation that this Challenger just won’t be stung, with its secret ‘Chobham’ armour making it one of the most heavily armoured tanks in the world.

While its construction is secret, this armour is believed to absorb a weapon’s energy through a series of metal alloy and ceramic layers and has been battle proven time and again in Iraq.

In April 2003, she stumbled upon a unit of Saddam’s elite Republican Guard sporting heavy machine guns and rocket‐propelled grenades (RPGs). The Challenger 2’s sights were damaged and its tracks were blown off, leaving it immobilised in a ditch while 14 RPGs scored direct hits from close range. The crew sat tight in the safety of the tank until it was recovered for repairs. Six hours later, it was back on the road.

One man who knows his fair share about armoured vehicles is Major Simon Maggs of the Queen’s Royal Hussars. “I cut my teeth on Challenger 1 in the late nineties,” he tells Sorted. “It takes a good five months to get to grips with all aspects of the vehicle – including the roles of driver, gunner and loader – before you can become a tank commander.

“When you take over your troop of three tanks, you quickly realise how dependent you are on the skill and experience of the other 11 guys. You work in a very close environment (it’s pretty snug in the turret) so there’s no room for pretending! f

“COMMANDING A TANK IS A BIT LIKE TRYING TO RUB YOUR TUMMY AND PAT YOUR HEAD AT THE SAME TIME, BUT THERE’S NO DENYING THAT CUTTING AROUND IN 70 TONNES OF ARMOUR IS GREAT FUN.” At the heart of her tracked chassis is the 1200hp Perkins 26.6‐litre CV12 engine and a fuel tank with a capacity of 1,727 litres, equivalent to that of 35 family cars. Her all‐ electric turret can complete a full 360‐degre rotation in only nine seconds and her L30A1 120mm diameter barrel is the only rifled tank gun in the NATO inventory, spinning the shells and delivering them to the target with greater accuracy and range.

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MOD photography used under the Open Government Licence v1.0

ACTION

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“Commanding a tank is a bit like trying to rub your tummy and pat your head at the same time, whilst navigating at 40mph without a compass. It’s mentally very demanding, but there’s no denying that cutting around in 70 tonnes of armour is great fun.”

When asked about the highlights of commanding a tank, he says: “Live firing, which has to be seen to be believed, especially at night. Armour‐piercing rounds travel at one mile per second and the blast is so loud that anyone nearby has to wear two pairs of ear defenders!

“Converting to Challenger 2 in 1999 was a massive step change. While Challenger 2 looked similar on the outside, it had only 3% commonality with its predecessor and everything about it was better. Whereas the inside of the old turret looked like a dirty fuse box, the interior of Chally 2 was almost entirely white and an ergonomic dream.

“For example, the firing handle was designed around a PlayStation controller, so all the buttons were literally at your fingertips instead of having to twist around in your seat to reach the controls. When firing the new tank, we found that the sighting systems on Chally 2 were so

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advanced that it was just as easy to hit targets on the move as when static. Previously, it was a bit hit and miss!

“In addition, the ‘Hunter‐Killer’ sight allowed the commander to search for further targets while the gunner was engaging the first. Everything was faster. A competent crew with a good loader could comfortably achieve a rate of eight rounds fired per minute, which is considerably faster than on earlier MBTs.” It is this interest in vehicles that has shaped Major Maggs’s career. “I have always been interested in the design of equipment, so it made sense for me to move from a combat background into a technical role,” he shares.

He recently returned from six months in Afghanistan, where he was responsible for the protection and development of some 2,000 British armoured vehicles in a warzone. “It was one of the most demanding but satisfying tours I have been on,” he explains. “I was constantly working 100‐hour weeks, but seeing really satisfying results.

“For example, having completed a vehicle up‐ armouring programme, a unit was hit by six roadside bombs within a short period of time, but without sustaining a single casualty. When the boys walk away without a scratch, then you know all the hard work has been worthwhile.”

When asked whether being surrounded by armour or by his faith made him feel more protected in his job, Major Maggs smiles. “Challenger 2 is about the safest tank out there, but it’s also a pretty big target. In one environment you could completely dominate the battlefield and in another you could be quite vulnerable.

Ultimately, it’s about understanding the context and getting your tactics right.

“Layers of steel are no guarantee of survival, and you can’t underestimate the importance of your spiritual armour. No one is invincible, whatever our role or equipment, and deep down we all know it. There’s no doubt in my mind, though, that you are much better placed to concentrate on the job in hand if you have made your peace with God and have confidence that your eternal security is squared away.” n Flight Lieutenant Jonny ‘JP’ Palmer joined the RAF in 2006 and has since flown in support of operations in Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya. Now a flying instructor, he lives with his wife and three children in Lincolnshire. He is a proud member of the Armed Forces Christian Union (AFCU) and loves making Jesus known in the military. Follow him on Twitter @FollowJonnyP.

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ACTION

BEAR GRYLLS

The Bear Facts Them That Stick It Out Are Them That Win Intrepid explorer Bear Grylls recently penned a manual entitled A Survival Guide for Life. In it, he shares the hard‐earned lessons he has learned amid some of the harshest environments on earth. This issue’s excerpt looks at staying power.

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ehind every successful person you’ll undoubtedly find a string of failed attempts. We might not always notice the failures (as the successes tend to blind us to them), but to get to the success, those people will inevitably have had to walk through a good number of ‘failures’ first. It is just the way of the world: to get to the successes, you have got to get out there and commit to fail a few times first.

The key is not in the failures themselves, but in your ability to keep going. As Winston Churchill said: “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”

And it’s been my experience that the real difference between successful and unsuccessful people is simply the dogged ability to keep going. Like enthusiasm, the determination to see things through to the very end is frequently a more important factor in being successful than any qualifications or letters after your name.

I know from my own life that things would have been radically different if I hadn’t committed to push through the many lows and failures along the road, and I now treat those lows as markers that I am doing something right!

For instance, I had – quite literally – hundreds and hundreds of letters of rejection when I tried to get sponsorship for my attempt on Everest. It was so discouraging to wake up to every day: another no, another blank. And many times I was tempted to give up the dream.

But I was also determined that I was going to climb that mountain. So I didn’t stop. I kept knocking on those doors and writing those letters. And guess what?

Eventually I raised the funds I needed to undertake the expedition.

Likewise, most people don’t realise that I failed SAS selection the first time round.

People don’t talk about the failure; they only tend to remember the success.

SAS selection is tough to do once, but it is even harder the second time – knowing how physically and mentally exhausting the process you have to go through will be. Not many are willing to go through it twice, because it hurts.

But I had made a conscious decision to give this thing everything. I was totally committed to the outcome, whatever the pain. So I lined up – again – next to another 140 recruits – again – in the full knowledge that only a handful of us would be there by the end. I was willing to give it my all for as long as it took. Eleven months later, and a whole host of sweat, pain and sleep deprivation later, I was one of only four to pass and join the regiment.

GET USED TO FAILURE, AND SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS: A STEPPING STONE TO SUCCESS. You have got to be dogged and fail a few times in life to get to where you want to go. Get used to failure, and see it for what it is: a stepping stone to success. I wasn’t fitter or stronger or smarter than those who failed, I was simply more determined to give it my all. I remember during selection, one recruit who had just quit turned to me and said, “You know the difference between me and you, Bear? You’re just dumber than me.”

He confused the ability to suck up whatever pain the selection process could throw at us with being dumb, when really it was doing what was necessary to pass: quietly endure the lows in order to reach the highs.

Ultimately I made it through and that other recruit didn’t, even though he was a much more qualified and experienced soldier than I was at that stage. You see, if you quit, you lose. But so long as you stick it out, you’re still in with a chance. Life rewards the dogged, not the qualified.

As Harrison Ford once said: “Them that stick it out are them that win.” n Bear Grylls is an adventurer, writer and television presenter. He is best known for his television series Born Survivor, known as Man Vs Wild in the US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. Bear spent three years in the SAS and is one of the youngest Britons to climb Mount Everest, doing so at the age of 23. In July 2009, he became the youngest ever Chief Scout at the age of 35.

If you want to read on, we strongly recommend investing in a copy. It’s available from all good bookshops and online retailers, and it could just help you make the changes that you need to introduce in order to turn your life around.

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ACTION

Let There Be Lights Northern Lights enthusiast David Phillips sees the night sky come alive in Iceland.

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t’s not every day you can say that you are following in the footsteps of Neil Armstrong, the world’s most famous astronaut and the first man to set foot on the moon. But last year I did exactly that when I visited a remote area in northern Iceland, where a group of American astronauts including Armstrong went in 1967 to train for that historic first moon landing.

While their mission in Iceland was to familiarise themselves with the geological formations, volcanic rock and other conditions thought to be most similar to those found on the moon, mine was to witness one of the most incredible natural phenomena that can be seen right here on Earth: the aurora borealis, or the Northern Lights as they are more often called. Although occasionally visible in the UK, there is a much better chance of seeing them if you go further north, and my quest brought me to Iceland.

Until five years ago, Iceland was considered an expensive destination, but since the financial crisis triggered by the collapse of its banks it has become far more affordable for visitors from the UK, with prices more or less in line with London prices. Add to this an increase in solar activity, which means that the Northern Lights have been putting on some of their most spectacular displays for a decade, and you can see why the destination has been attracting more tourists recently.

Our trip started in Reykjavik, a compact city filled with coffee shops and cosy bars, where local guide Árni showed us the sights. Many visitors to Iceland use the capital as their base and leave only for day trips to the thermal Blue Lagoon or the ‘Golden Circle’ sights of the Gullfoss waterfall, Geysir hot springs and Thingvellir National Park. While these are must‐dos for the first‐

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time visitor, those who wish to see the Northern Lights stand a much better chance by venturing further afield to Iceland’s sheltered north‐east, which has less light pollution and clearer skies.

Explorers Tours has a 100% success rate on its Northern Lights tours, so it was with a sense of keen anticipation that my group of fellow light‐seekers left Reykjavik and boarded a 40‐minute northbound flight to Akureyri, the country’s second city. On the short drive to Lake Mývatn, we were treated to the kind of wild, rugged scenery that can only be described as stunning: snow‐ covered volcanoes; steaming fumaroles (vents in the Earth’s surface), which gave off a whiff of sulphur; and the ice‐encrusted Godafoss, a beautiful horseshoe‐ shaped waterfall.

Over the next four days, this winter wilderness became our playground as we explored its natural wonders by a variety of means. First up we climbed into enormous, souped‐up Hummers and Toyota Land Cruisers to delve further into the lunar landscape, weaving our way across Dimmuborgir (the ‘dark lava’) and driving to the top of the Ludent crater. Next, we drove snowmobiles around Lake Mývatn. It was a thrilling way to experience the ice and snow‐clad landscape from a whole new perspective.

We also set out on foot for a hike up and around the huge Hverfjall crater, and some of the group took a ride on Icelandic horses. Known for their sure‐footedness, this diminutive breed has a unique gait known as the tölt, which is incredibly fast, but is also said to be so smooth that you can drink a glass of wine while you ride.

While I can’t confirm whether this is true or not, indulging in your favourite tipple while soaking in the warm, geothermal waters of the outdoor Mývatn Nature Baths is a novel experience that I can highly recommend.

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ACTION

DOZENS OF PULSATING RAYS DEVELOPED ALONG THE ARC, REACHING UPWARDS, EBBING AND FLOWING, THEN TURNING INTO TALL, SHIMMERING CURTAINS OF LIGHT THAT SWAYED GRACEFULLY IN THE SKY FOR SEVERAL HOURS. Of course, the main reason we travelled to Lake Mývatn was to witness the Northern Lights. Our base was the remotely situated, family‐run Sel Hotel Mývatn, and on our first evening there we gathered for an introductory lecture about the night sky from one of Explorers’ astronomy experts. This was March, one of the best times of year to see the lights, but we were warned that there were no guarantees. Even if the lights did put on a display, we should not expect them to be as brightly coloured as they appear in photographs, because the human eye is not as sensitive to colour as a digital camera.

This did nothing to dampen our enthusiasm. After dinner, we wrapped ourselves up in layers of thermals, fleeces and down jackets (plus shoes stuffed with lambswool insoles), ready to brave the Arctic night.

While some Northern Lights tours set out by van to “chase the lights”, there is not much to be gained by this if you are already well away from city lights in a sheltered area that usually experiences clear night skies. So instead we relied on a combination of satellite data and the much less scientific but no less valid method of simply popping outside to see whether the lights were visible.

There was palpable excitement in the room when we were told that it was time to step outside. For many of our group, this would be their first glimpse of the lights and, while I had already been lucky enough to witness them, I was no less eager. After around 30 minutes our eyes had adapted to the darkness of the night sky, we had set up our tripods ready to capture the spectacle and we were waiting to be dazzled.

Explorers Astronomy Tours’ quick guide to the Northern Lights The Northern Lights are a natural display of coloured lights in the night sky, which are often visible at high northern latitudes, for example in Iceland, central Scandinavia, northern Canada and Alaska.

A stream of charged particles called the solar wind is continuously emitted from the sun, and when these particles interact with the Earth’s magnetic field they get channelled into the upper atmosphere, where they excite atoms of oxygen and nitrogen.

As these atoms return to lower energy levels, they emit light, which gives rise to the colours we see in the sky. Oxygen gives a green and sometimes red glow, while nitrogen gives a pink fringe.

Solar activity runs on a cycle of approximately 11 years.

Solar activity has been increasing over the last two to three years, and the cycle is thought to be at its peak this year, which means there is an increased chance of seeing the Northern Lights.

You can observe the lights from the start of September right through to the end of March, but the solar wind moves faster in September and March, around the time of the equinoxes, so the display is likely to be best during these months.

To observe the Northern Lights most clearly, the night sky should be as dark as possible. Choose an area that is well away from light pollution, and time your Northern Lights viewing to coincide with the new moon (when it is least visible).

Then the lights came out to play. A pearly, grey‐green arc danced across the northern horizon, more muted in colour but no less beautiful than in the photographs we’ve all seen. We oohed and aahed in delight, but after a few tantalising minutes the light faded away and we had to wait patiently until the following night for an encore.

This time, the display did not disappoint. Dozens of pulsating rays developed along the arc, reaching upwards, ebbing and flowing, then turning into tall, shimmering curtains of light that swayed gracefully in the sky for several hours. It was magical.

For many people, a glimpse of the Northern Lights is the ultimate, once‐in‐a‐lifetime event; a classic ‘bucket list’ experience. Yet because no two displays are the same, they have the power to fascinate and amaze time and time again. I have seen them more than 30 times, but I could never tire of watching them.

Norse mythology called the lights Bifröst, or the rainbow bridge to heaven, the auroras were commonly believed to be a sign from God during the Middle Ages.

Today we might understand the science behind the lights, but once you have seen them, you too will consider them heavenly. f

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ACTION

How to photograph the Northern Lights Modern digital cameras are much more sensitive to colour than the human eye, so if you follow these simple tips you should be able to capture some incredible images.

1. Make sure you have plenty of space on your memory card or take a spare card with you.

2. Fully charge your camera battery, as cold weather and long exposures can quickly sap the power.

3. Switch off autofocus and turn off the flash (or put black tape over it).

4. Select the daylight setting.

5. Adjust the ISO setting to 800 or 1,600. The darker the sky, the higher this setting should be.

6. If you can, adjust the exposure time to 5-20 seconds, or less if the lights are changing rapidly.

7. If you have a digital single-lens reflex (DSLR) camera, set the recording mode to manual, use the widest lens you have (ideally with less than 35mm focal length) and select the widest aperture possible (choose the lowest f/number).

Remove any UV or polarising filters.

8. Hold your camera steady, preferably with a tripod or by resting it somewhere, and if you have a delayed action timer, set it to two seconds. This will reduce camera shake.

9. Be patient. The lights are a natural occurrence, so this makes them unpredictable, but well worth waiting for!

10. The Northern Lights are one of nature’s greatest spectacles. Enjoy them with your eyes and feel them in your heart before using your camera. The mental image you take away with you is far more important than any picture captured by your camera.

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Make it happen Several airlines fly from the UK to Keflavik International Airport, 48km south‐west of Reykjavik. Easyjet flies there from Bristol, Edinburgh, London Luton and Manchester, while Wow Air flies from London Gatwick.

Icelandair flies from Glasgow, London Gatwick, London Heathrow and Manchester to Keflavik and Akureyri.

Alternatively, you can book a tour package that includes return flights from the UK. Explorers Astronomy Tours (0845 287 6121, www.astronomytours.co.uk) has an eight‐day Icelandic Northern Lights itinerary, which costs from £1,449 per person including return flights, transfers, hotel accommodation (on a B&B basis), domestic flights, a city tour in Reykjavik, Northern Lights viewings and talks from astronomy experts. Optional activities include super jeeps, snowmobiling, cross‐country skiing and riding Icelandic horses (extra charges apply). n

Top five things to do in Reykjavik 1. Embrace the café culture It’s a little-known fact that Iceland records the third-highest coffee consumption per capita in the world (behind Finland and Norway). There are plenty of cafés, restaurants and shops in the design district known as “101”. Named after the postcode, it encompasses the streets around Laugavegur.

2. Take in the views from Hallgrímskirkja The unusual design of this church was inspired by the shapes formed by volcanic lava as it cools into basalt.

Located in the centre of Reykjavik, there are great views from the 74.5-metre-tall observation tower, and if you visit after 5pm during the summer, the money from your ticket will be used to support local charities.

3. Swim in the Blue Lagoon Close to Keflavik International Airport, this is one of Iceland’s most visited attractions. Bathe or gently swim in the warm, mineral-rich, milky blue waters, dab on the white silica mud, which is said to have healing properties, get an in-water spa treatment, enjoy a drink at the pool bar… and relax.

4. Catch a concert at the Harpa Home to the Iceland Symphony Orchestra and the Icelandic Opera, the Harpa concert hall is a futuristic steel and glass building, the design of which is said to represent the crystallised basalt columns commonly found in Iceland.

The colours of the façade change with the light, creating a kaleidoscope effect.

5. Admire the art As well as numerous art galleries, there are several sculptures on show around the city, including a striking, 60-foot long, stainless steel Viking ship called Sólfar (or ‘Sun Voyager’), which is located on the seafront and was commissioned to mark the 200th anniversary of the city.

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COLUMNISTS

ANT DELANEY

Diamond Geezer

OMG!

I

t has only been in the Oxford English Dictionary since 2011, but its first recorded use in print appeared in a somewhat stroppy letter from Admiral ‘Jacky’ Fisher to Winston Churchill in 1917.

He signed off OMG (Oh! My God!).

Now people text it all the time, of course. It came in as shorthand because text messages initially had 160 character limits.

People say it all the time, too. It’s usually said quickly in excitement and slowly in anger: “Oh… My… God!” It’s usually said without thinking; nothing is meant by it; no offence. Because you’re happy.

Or sad. Because your team won. Or lost. Or because you’re surprised. ‘OMG!’ But here’s the thing. What if he’s listening? I mean Him. God. What if there really is a God, and he’s a capital H kind of God who is worth calling God? Would you want to connect with a God like that if you could?

Big Things in Small Packages George Washington Carver said that one day he prayed: “God, show the secrets of your universe.”

He was surprised to hear God reply: “Little man, you’re not big enough to know the secrets of My universe. But I’ll show you what’s in a peanut. Take it apart.”

Carver became an agricultural scientist and set out to maximise the potential of the peanut.

He made more than 100 food recipes and developed hundreds of products including plastic, paint, oil, cosmetics, dyes and explosives. By the end of his life he felt he had only scratched the surface of its possibilities.

Hidden universes are awaiting our discovery, not just through the telescope but under the microscope. If we connect to the God who created everything, we find that He has packed so much into little things, just waiting for their potential to be unleashed.

Little things like little you and little me. And little things like words.

Three Little Words The smallest of things can have a lot packed into them. There’s a lot packed into those three letters, OMG, and into those three little words, Oh My God. I have recently written a resource that I hope you’ll be seeing a lot more of. It takes those three words everyone says and helps connect them to the God they’re talking about all the time.

The wonderful people at United Christian Broadcasters (UCB) believe in it so much that 16

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they have offered to print tens of thousands of copies to be given away free by churches and other agencies to help people find their way back to God. The artwork for this amazing collection of resources is top class; amazingly put together by my best friend from primary school, Paul Marshall. Way back as boys we used to dream that one day we would make comics together. I would do the words, his gift was drawing. We connected again just a couple of years back out of the blue and guess what he does? He’s one of the chief cover artists for 2000AD and Judge Dredd: The Megazine. He used to work for Marvel. How cool is that?

So please look out for OMG resources. Very soon there will be little foldup cards, a booklet, a set of short films and materials for going deeper and a website full of people’s ‘OMG moments’. Best of all, it’s 100% free for you, your mates and your family.

The Bible claims that God became flesh in the person of his Son Jesus 2,000 years ago.

Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary, lived without sin, took all of our sin upon Himself and died on a cross so that we could be forgiven and live with the power of God inside us. Three days later, Jesus rose from the grave.

That last sentence is what makes all the difference in the world today and the world to come. Many religions and teachers throughout history have said some wonderful things. But we don’t believe it is only Jesus’ words that live on: our guy’s alive!

The gospel account of the guy we call ‘Doubting Thomas’ tells us what he said when he fully realised who Jesus Christ was; not just a friend to emulate or a dead friend to mourn.

He realised that His death and resurrection were a reality and his doubts gave way to faith.

What was Thomas’ response to Jesus?

It wasn’t OMG or Oh My God. It was MLMG, or however you might text it; the only appropriate response when Thomas finally realised who Jesus really was. He summed it all up for us when he said: “My Lord and my God”.

It wasn’t an exclamation. It was an acclamation and a declaration. Nothing could ever be the same again. The patron saint of doubters later died as a martyr who would never renounce the claim that Jesus Christ is Lord.

HIDDEN UNIVERSES ARE AWAITING OUR DISCOVERY, NOT JUST THROUGH THE TELESCOPE BUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE. This resource challenges people to turn OMG into MLMG. Because Jesus is alive, you can have a relationship with the God you’ve thought about and perhaps texted about or talked about. He was listening, He’s listening now and He loves you.

You can have living hope that lasts forever.

You just have to hear Jesus’ words to you, the words He said to Thomas: “Stop doubting and believe.” n Author and broadcaster Anthony Delaney regularly features on BBC radio. He is strategic leader of Ivy, a movement of new churches that meets in cinemas, a pub, a warehouse, homes and a church building. His book Diamond Geezers has just been released as an audio book and is available direct from www.ivymanchester.org. Follow him on twitter @anthonydelaney.

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RUNNING HEAD COLUMNISTS

ALEX WILLMOTT

Your Will, Mott Mine branch to another. It was like the Tarzan of the lemur world. How those things can jump that far with such precision I’ll never know.

Edith and I gazed at the majestic leaps and I thought to myself, ‘If I could jump that far, I’d be boasting about every leap’. But not the lemurs.

Although they could pinpoint a jump from one tree to another, they never looked back at their achievement at all. They simply moved on.

I’M TRYING TO WRITE WITH THE SAME ATTITUDE AS THE LEMUR, WHO JUMPS WITH NO AUDIENCE IN MIND.

Be More Lemur

T

en seconds. That’s how long the police reckon the burglars were in my house. It’s likely that they used the temporary scaffolding out front to climb in through the window after spotting my house keys on the sofa. It was a ballsy effort considering the fact that three grown men were sleeping upstairs throughout.

I’ll be honest, I haven’t felt many weirder feelings than when I looked around my living room to see some key items missing. The PlayStation and the laptop were most noticeable.

My first words were: “I wish I had been asleep on the sofa when this happened.” But then my aggressive impulses subsided and I began to count the cost. For a few hundred quid I could replace it all, surely?

No. It wasn’t that simple. The bloody laptop.

I’d been meaning to back up all the files on the machine for years. Six years, in fact. But I had never got around to it. Six years of unseen and unpublished writing was gone. Novels, short 18

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stories, poems and blogs had been ripped from my own house as I slept ten feet above.

I would have quite happily emptied my bank account to get that work back. My facial expression was no longer oozing anger, but sadness. You know the emotionless cry that appears in films where the actor doesn’t convey any distress but still weeps silently?

That was me.

The morning of the burglary, my fiancée and I were supposed to go away for a few days and we decided to head off despite the break‐in.

As part of the holiday, we nipped into Yorkshire Wildlife Park. As we toured the animal sanctuaries, all I could think about was the imagined faces of the criminals and how I would gladly meet them in a secluded car park somewhere.

As my thoughts drew images not unlike scenes from Kill Bill, we slowly walked into the lemur enclosure. I knew this because one of the weird‐looking creatures ran across my trainers on entry. I followed the little sprinter to a tree, where it was jumping from one

This notion helped me reflect on what had been taken from me. The truth is, when I started writing I didn’t develop prose for people to read. I wrote because I had to. There was a passion in me that I couldn’t suppress and writing was as natural to me as leaping 15 feet is to a lemur.

However, somewhere along the line I changed. I stopped writing for the simple pleasure of it and began to write with audiences in mind. It was at this stage that I became emotionally attached to the words. I was writing in the hope that someone would read it. This is never a good place for an author to live.

I’ve started rewriting the work that was taken from me, but I’m not writing as I used to. I’m trying to write with the same attitude as the lemur, who jumps with no audience in mind.

And after the work is complete, I’ll move on.

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life – is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever” (1 John 2:15‐17). n Alex Willmott penned the epic Selah trilogy. Former newspaper journalist, sports fanatic and local football manager, Alex took a vow to live life to the full after reading the book of John in the Bible aged 16. Visit www.alexwillmott.com for more information. Follow Alex on Twitter: @Alexinboxes.

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COLUMNISTS

KATE SHARMA

Compassion

A Healing Process

J

oel Ernesto Chirinos was born into a poor family in Honduras.

He was only two years old when the rickety gas stove fell onto the floor of his home, causing an explosion that set him alight.

Unconscious and with severe burns to the left

side of his body, Joel was rushed to hospital, but his condition worsened minute by minute.

He remained in a coma for two years, but despite the uncertainty of their child’s fate, the family had the faith to believe that God was going to intervene in his life.

After 24 long months, the agony ended for the Chirinos family when one day their child woke up. Four‐year‐old Joel was eventually allowed to go home to start a long and painful recovery process. It wasn’t just physical restoration that was needed; he also had to recover emotionally from the accident, something that was made more difficult as he often faced bullying from other kids. His scars caused him to isolate himself, much to the concern of his parents.

But change finally came when, aged seven, Joel was registered with a local Compassion project that looks after children who are living in poverty. This was the first step on the journey towards complete recovery.

“It was very important for me to be at the project, because it really helped me to overcome my shyness,” explains Joel. “It was a healing process, because it was here where I received support and love to forget about my condition. I praise God for the love, counselling and care that I got from the project, which helped me understand God’s love for me. He gave me a new life opportunity.”

Compassion ensures that children living in poverty are developed in a holistic way: not

just spiritually and emotionally, but in practical ways such as having their school fees paid and having the chance to take part in extracurricular activities.

As a result of these opportunities, taekwondo became Joel’s favourite sport. It also helped him to get into good physical shape after his accident. “Ever since the first day I tried it, I fell in love with the sport,” he shares. “I have found another family here with my friends and instructor.”

TAEKWONDO BECAME JOEL’S FAVOURITE SPORT. IT ALSO HELPED HIM TO GET INTO GOOD PHYSICAL SHAPE AFTER HIS ACCIDENT. Joel is now 17 years old and is totally committed to taekwondo; taking classes and practising every day. Not only has his determination led him to gain his black belt, he is now the youngest member of the Honduras national team, recently winning a bronze medal at the Central American Games in El Salvador. One of his greatest ambitions is to set up a taekwondo school that will help other young people grow in confidence just as he has. n Compassion is an international child development and child advocacy ministry. Partnering with local churches, it is committed to the spiritual, economic, social and physical development of children living in extreme poverty in 26 countries, helping them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults. To sponsor a child with Compassion, visit www.compassionuk.org or call 01932 836490.

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CULTURE

MOVIES

With Martin Leggatt

Heroes and Superheroes

Noah In this excellent biblical epic, Russell Crowe stars as an unlikely Noah as the retelling of the Old Testament story gets the Hollywood treatment.

The resulting film is an apocalyptic action adventure of, well, biblical proportions.

Perhaps director Darren Aronofsky was tipping a wink to the biblical Noah, a man who was given to excessive enjoyment of wine, when casting Mr Crowe. Joking aside, it proved to be insightful with Crowe’s Noah offering a realistically gritty, man of action demeanour rather than the popular and rather dull image we all have of the jolly patriarch from our Sunday school days.

There is sufficient depth in the rest of the casting to support Mr Crowe’s

Captain America: The Winter Soldier I must admit to having a rather snobbish attitude towards comic adaptations. I think there were just far too many poor efforts that spoiled the genre for me for a while: the 2003 Hulk and the terrible Punisher movies to name but a few.

The Russo brothers’ reinvention of Captain America as a super tough, gritty, special forces soldier has rekindled my interest in the genre in much the same way that Christian Bale’s Batman restored the 22

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fine performance, with Emma Watson as Noah’s adopted daughter, the eternally beautiful Jennifer Connelly as Naamah (Noah’s wife), Ray Winstone as Tubal‐cain (a fitting nemesis for our hero) and Anthony Hopkins as Methuselah.

There is quite a lot of artistic licence to prolong the action and to make it more attractive to a wider audience, especially with the addition of always superb Winstone as the leader of a baying mob that is fixated on securing a berth on the ark. In amongst all the turmoil of the end of the world as we know it, Crowe’s Noah remains steadfastly calm and confident that his God will protect him.

I was half expecting ‘Rusty’ to go all Bud White (his character from L.A. Confidential) on them and start

doing some biblical smiting of his own, but that said the additions and amplification of the story in no way detract from the enjoyment of the film. More importantly, it isn’t blasphemous in any possible interpretation; after all, many of the classic biblical films from the golden age of Hollywood were quite liberal with their embellishments on the original.

Noah has the added advantage of modern CGI and effects to fully realise the scale and devastation of the flood, rendering it a bit more cataclysmic than the Evan Almighty swollen dam that flooded selected streets of Washington scenario. Also, a big hats off to both Aronofsky and Crowe for the sensitivity and respect given to the scenes in which Noah hears God’s voice.

credibility of a franchise bordering on high camp.

Chris Evans once again wields the shield as Steve Rogers, alias Captain America, battling the evil menace of a KGB anti‐hero (unless you happen to be a Communist Russian) named the Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan).

The more than impressive supporting cast includes Cobie Smulders as S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Maria Hill, Samuel L Jackson reprising his role as Nick Fury, Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow, Toby Jones as Arnim Zola, Robert Redford as Alexander Pierce (a high‐ranking

S.H.I.E.L.D. official) and Dominic Cooper as Howard Stark.

JJJJJ An awesome

spectacular that will sweep you away on a tide of excitement

JJJJJ Welcome

back, Captain

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CULTURE

The Machine Caradog W James’ powerful British sci‐fi revolves around a scientist’s experiment to create an artificial life form for the Ministry of Defence (think a British version of The Terminator). The new cyborg is a super soldier, a functioning sentient who is capable of war but also of superior peacekeeping skills.

However, lead scientist Vincent McCarthy (Toby Stephens) has his own agenda running parallel to the official project. He wants to create a means of prolonging the life of fatally injured Ava (Caity Lotz).

However, McCarthy must overcome

The Double Not to be confused with a 2010 Richard Gere vehicle of the same name, this Richard Ayoade (of Submarine fame) comedy is based on the classic novella of the same name, written by Fyodor Dosteyovsky.

Sabotage Arnie is back and he’s bigger than ever as director David Ayers continues the current vogue for nostalgia trips to those spectacular

My friends at Park Circus have teamed up with the British Film Institute (BFI) to rerelease the classic James Dean trilogy of films: East of Eden, Rebel Without a Cause and Giant. All three films are classics, not only due to the wonderful acting talent of Dean, but to the excellent cast, direction and cinematography that leap out of the screen some 60 years after they were made.

If your only knowledge of Dean comes from the iconic images of him in posters from students’ walls, pop along to the BFI and be prepared to be amazed. East of Eden is an Elia Kazan directed adaptation of the John Steinbeck novel set in depression‐era California in which brothers Cal (Dean) and Aron (Richard Davalos) compete for the affection and approval of their father Adam (Raymond Massey). There are

British sci‐fi has been hailed by many as the best film of the genre since Bladerunner, which is an accolade indeed.

The plot revolves around the premise of a young man who has a doppelganger, and on a series of unfortunate mistaken identity jokes. It stars Jesse Eisenberg as both Simon and James, supported by a cast that includes Mia Wasikowska, Yasmin Paige, James

Fox, Paddy Considine, Wallace Shawn and everyone’s favourite Irishman du jour, Chris O’Dowd.

There is a nice cameo role for Rade Serbedzija (Boris from Snatch) who is unsurprisingly but rather amusingly cast as ‘Frightening Old Man.’

high on action, low on plot action movies of the nineties. Arguably the best of the genre in its heyday were those starring the daddy of them all, Arnold Schwarzenegger, with biceps

the size of small countries and bulging muscles in places where mere mortals had none.

In this thriller, Arnie returns as John ‘Breacher’ Wharton, a Drug Enforcement Administration agent whose team is being executed one by one. Who could be behind such a heinous crime? Well, who else but an evil drug cartel that is severely disgruntled with Arnie’s team, which makes a spectacular seizure of their cash, and then stashes it.

Arnie is a bit flabby in his post‐ Governor days, but retains his mammoth (excuse the pun) onscreen presence and his unique mastery of the puntastic one‐liner.

some great supporting roles for Burl Ives and Julie Harris.

Giant, the final film that Dean completed, is a George Stevens epic of giant proportions. Dean co‐stars alongside real cinematic giants Rock Hudson and Elizabeth Taylor, with a supporting cast that includes Sal Mineo, Mercedes McCambridge and a young actor called Dennis Hopper.

The story revolves around the Benedict family, a Texan oil dynasty and a long‐standing rivalry with former employee Jett Rink (Dean), who strikes it lucky with a vast oilfield on Benedict land.

However, for me, the stand out of the three films is Rebel Without a Cause, a teen drama revolving around illegal drag races, gang fights and the struggle that one young man, Jim Stark (Dean resplendent in his iconic red Harrington jacket) has with his traditional and square father (Jim Backus, who was the voice of myopic cartoon character Mr Magoo).

JJJJJ One of the

best British sci-fis of the past decade

JJJJJ Although it

doesn’t sink, it is a mediocre follow-up to Submarine

JJJJJ He said he’d

be back and he is.

And he’s on top form REX/Everett Collection

James Dean retrospective

his scheming boss Thomson (Denis Lawson), who is double‐crossing him as part of his own nefarious plans. This intelligent and original

Nicholas Ray’s film is a stark yet sympathetic treatment of the angst of those troubled teenage years and, as with the previous two films, boasts a rich and talented cast including Natalie Wood, Sal Mineo and that young man Dennis Hopper.

JJJJJ Get keen

on Dean at the BFI

Martin Leggatt is married to Sue and father to Aaron, Sam, Hope and Paige. He’s a self‐ confessed movie geek, although his tastes run to an eclectic assortment of action, thriller, black and white, war and pretentious (as Sue would say) art house films. Martin’s favourite film is Powell and Pressburger’s A Matter of Life and Death.

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CULTURE

TELEVISION With Emily Russell

Marvellous Marvel

“U

sually, one person doesn’t have the solution. But 100 with 1% of the solution?

That’ll get it done. I think that’s beautiful; pieces solving a puzzle” (Skye, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D).

In recent years, Marvel has dominated the cinema with its hugely successful blockbuster superhero movies about larger‐than‐ life characters such as Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America. Now it has brought that style and vibrancy to television screens, focusing on a different kind of hero.

TOGETHER, THIS MISFIT TEAM PLAYS ITS PART IN SAVING THE WORLD. The Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division (S.H.I.E.L.D) has frequently been present throughout the Marvel films. This government group deals with the effect that superheroes and their foes have on our world.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D focuses on a S.H.I.E.LD team that is led by dedicated and dry‐humoured agent Philip Coulson (fan favourite Clark Gregg), a character who has appeared in many of the Marvel films. He is one of several characters from the film series to appear on the show (perhaps the most unexpected and exciting of which is a cameo from Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury in one of the early episodes).

Coulson is joined by antisocial

black‐ops expert Grant Ward (Brett Dalton), hacker‐with‐a‐heart Skye (Chloe Bennet), kickass, taciturn pilot Melinda May (Ming‐Na Wen) and excitable, talkative science and technology specialists Fitz and Simmons (Iain De Caestecker and Elizabeth Henstridge). Together, this misfit team plays its part in saving the world.

One of the show’s creators is director and screenwriter Joss Whedon, who brilliantly brought Avengers Assemble (2012) to the big screen as both writer and director, and who previously showcased his unique voice on television via iconic shows such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997‐2003).

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D is filled with Whedon’s style of snappy, quotable dialogue, an interesting band of regular characters and more than enough mystery to intrigue.

How did Coulson survive his fate in Avengers Assemble? Just what is S.H.I.E.L.D hiding from him about his improbable return? What happened to Skye’s parents, and how is S.H.I.E.LD involved? How many more questions will the show throw up? And will ever we get any satisfactory answers?!

Marvel has spent several years showing how impressively super‐ powered heroes can excite, entertain and save the day. With Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, it shows that ordinary humans can also be impressive and entertaining with equally funny dialogue, even if the show hasn’t thrilled audiences and critics to the amazing blockbusting‐ degree that its films have.

The show tells us that, superhero or not, and no matter the troubles that we’ve faced in the past or that we are currently struggling with, we all have gifts, skills and important contributions to make. As Coulson points out: “The good ones, the real deal, they’re not heroes because of what they have that we don’t. It’s what they do with it.” n Emily Russell has a degree in Media and Film Studies and works part time for the University of Southampton. Married to Anthony, she watches far too much science‐fiction and fantasy, crime shows and wrestling. She wrote Culturewatch articles for the Damaris Trust website for eight years and her film articles can be read at www.emilyrussellwrites.wordpress.com.

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Series one of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D recently launched on Channel 4.

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CULTURE

GAMING With Jim Lockey

Homemade Bleeps and Bloops DIY Gamer Kit, £65, Technologywillsaveus.org

I

love gadgets, and I especially love gadgets that wear their engineering on their sleeves. I like to mentally take things apart and put them back together to see how they work.

Though I am in awe of modern, touchscreen phones I am unable to fathom out the technology implemented in those black slabs.

Show me an old‐timer clock and I could conceivably make a shabby version of it given the right tools. But as for a modern, handheld games console, those things might as well be powered by fairy dust for all the real understanding I have of them.

THE PRODUCT WOULD BE A PERFECT PROJECT FOR A FATHER AND SON TEAM. The void between mechanical and digital technology is nothing short of being another language. But thanks to the DIY Gamer Kit from Technology Will Save Us (TWSU), I might conceivably be able to learn some conversational phrases in the strange country of digital technology.

On a Venn diagram of educational products and hipster cool, TWSU stylishly occupies the tiny intersection. Its DIY Gamer Kit arrives in an unassuming cardboard box. Aside from a simple label, the box is sprinkled with neon stickers that hint at the contents.

It looks like it has been festooned with the things in the same way that a teenage grunge fan might smother a cheap guitar in decals. That’s your first clue that there is something more to the Gamer Kit than it being just a hobbyist’s distraction. TWSU is trying to bring a kind of punk culture to the world of small electronics.

The Gamer Kit itself makes a small, portable console consisting of a few buttons in a traditional game controller layout and a screen that is only 8x8 pixels. Visually, it’s a riff from Nintendo’s iconic Gameboy, but stripped back in every respect.

The result is a console that is testament to the beauty of minimalism. When I’m not using it, it sits on my shelf next to various action figures and it makes a handsome ornament.

The ‘kit’ element of the product comes from the fact that you have to solder the thing together yourself. I haven’t done any small electronics projects since secondary school, but

I found that the printed circuit board (PCB) was so clearly laid out and labelled that I had no trouble assembling the kit and there was no need for instructions.

The Gamer Kit comes with a neat little version of Snake preloaded, but the system is based on Arduino (an open‐source electronics coding platform) and the user is invited to create his or her own animations and games by learning the coding language and updating the Gamer via USB. I’ll tell you about my experience coding mine in the next issue.

As for my impressions of the physical product and my experience assembling it, I am most impressed by its remarkably low barrier to entry. I think the product would be a perfect project for a father and son team (or mother and daughter team, for that matter) that is interested in working out how things work and have a shared interest in gaming.

In short, this means it’s perfect for me and my stepson. We plan to create something together on the device and have already discussed a few ideas. The DIY Gamer Kit is, in this regard, a box of potential. Its greatest joy is in the breadth of possibilities it can deliver in such a small package. n Jim is a lifelong gamer and lives in Kent with his wife and children. He is also an artist and curator. His website is www.jimlockey.co.uk and his PSN name is tearfulminotaur.

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CULTURE

DVD & BLU RAY With Martin Leggatt

REX/Moviestore Collection

Cops and Robbers

26

A

s I write this in the limbo that follows New Year, I’m lamenting the gaping hole in the paltry televisual offerings.

How could every station have overlooked the great Trading Places?

This film is a classic, and not just one that should be constrained to the festive period. Indeed, it includes possibly one of the best performances we have seen from Eddie Murphy.

It’s a classic example of how good Mr Murphy is when he is fettered to a co‐starring role; in this case to the great Dan Aykroyd (although both arguably co‐star with veterans Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche).

For the uninitiated, Murphy plays Billy Ray Valentine, a small‐time confidence trickster who one day falls foul of a whimsical bet between the Dukes (Ameche and Bellamy), two billionaire traders. In order for the bet to play out, Valentine must trade places with Louis Winthorpe III, a man who has had all the advantages in life that a privileged background can afford.

As Winthorpe’s world disintegrates around him, Valentine’s controlled assent to riches and success continues until one day he overhears the boastful Duke brothers gloating over the success of their social experiment. There are some great supporting performances from Jamie Lee Curtis as hooker‐with‐a‐ heart Ophelia and Denholm Elliott as dedicated manservant Coleman.

However, Paul Gleason as shifty security expert Clarence Beeks steals every scene he appears in, for me.

Highlights of the film include a down‐and‐out Aykroyd disguised as the world’s seediest Santa in history; Murphy as a Cameroonian exchange student wishing everyone a Merry New Year; and the scene in which Gleason arranges a clandestine meeting in a telephone kiosk. If you haven’t seen it yet, do so immediately. And if you have, well, just watch it again!

Prior to the success of Trading Places, Murphy’s breakthrough from highly successful stand‐up comic to movie actor came through 48 Hrs, a Nick Nolte cop film. Nolte stars as hard bitten, shabby detective Jack Cates, who enlists the

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help of convict Reggie Hammond to track down a shadowy underworld killer. Hammond is released into Cates’ custody for the titular 48 hours. The action is matched in humour as the love‐hate relationship between the chalk and cheese characters blossoms into a true buddy, buddy screen relationship.

IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET, DO SO IMMEDIATELY. The success of Trading Places was followed by elevation to star status for Murphy as the wisecracking, unconventional detective Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop. Foley is a talented yet maverick cop who leaves his native Detroit to track down the killers of his childhood friend. Along the way, he manages to loosen up two uptight Beverly Hills detectives: Rosewood (Judge Reinhold) and Taggart (John Ashton). This original spawned a series of inferior sequels, which unfortunately diminished in quality as they grew in number.

My next choice is one of my wife’s favourite Murphy roles, The Golden Child, which features the American funny man as Chandler Jarrell, a wisecracking detective who uses very unorthodox and unlikely methods to track down missing children. He is recruited by the beautiful Kee Nang (Charlotte Lewis), who mysteriously turns up searching for ‘The Golden Child’; a kind of Tibetan holy figure.

Hilarity and thrills ensue as Jarrell, ‘The Chosen One’, travels to Tibet to battle the evil Sardo Numspa (played by a very excellent Charles Dance) to rescue the young boy. The

humour comes thick and fast and tends often toward the juvenile, but I defy you not to double over laughing when Chandler has to complete a series of fantastic trials to earn a mystical knife that will enable him to defeat his foe.

At this stage, Murphy’s career was in the ascendance and he was able to carry a series of movies as the main star. The quality of his output varies from top notch to very poor sequels; particularly the Beverly Hills Cop franchise and a mediocre Another 48 Hrs. Also, without the restraint of a co‐star role, Murphy started to become larger than his already larger‐than‐life, on‐screen persona which, combined with his increasingly erratic off‐screen antics, made some of his performances a little annoying.

Along the way, Murphy has attempted a diversion into the action genre as Inspector Scott Roper, hunting down ruthless diamond thief and cop killer Michael Korda (Michael Wincott) in the passable Metro. Another more fruitful career change saw him become an unlikely Disney lead actor: as the unmistakeably irascible voice of Donkey in the highly entertaining Shrek series; in a good turn as the titular Dr Doolittle (albeit far removed from Rex Harrison); and with a very good performance in The Haunted Mansion.

The only caveats in my recommendations are that, Disney films aside, many of Murphy’s films tend towards a lot of bad language and – a factor not necessarily attributable to Murphy himself – a lot of bad sequels. Rather ominously, there are a few more Beverly Hills Cop offerings in the pipeline, continuing the relatively safe strategy that the major studios seem to be pursuing during these challenging times. n

Trading Places

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CULTURE

BOOKS

MOD: A Very British Style

With Mark Anderson

by Richard Weight

Six Suspects

JJJJJ

By the Book

Walking with God through Pain and Suffering

Produced by Faith: Enjoy Real Success without Losing Your True Self

by Timothy Keller

by DeVon Franklin Let me tell you how I came across Produced by Faith. My wife Lisa was watching the telly and shouted for me to come in from the kitchen. She told me that I needed to listen to the fella on TV talking about his book. Lisa pressed play on the Sky remote and the TV revealed DeVon Franklin discussing his book with Oprah. He was funny, likable and had a great story.

Franklin is now senior vice president at Columbia Pictures, but he had a tough start in life. Having lost his JJJJJ father at an early age, he sought sanctuary in the Church. Franklin felt God was urging him to go into ministry, but he really wanted to go into show business. Was there a way he could do both?

Through various means, Franklin shadowed Will Smith as an intern at first and began to climb the ladder of success before hitting a glass ceiling. Frustrated, he leaned on his faith and left the company without a job, scaring his family silly in the process!

What was he going to do?

Produced by Faith is a deeply enjoyable book about how you can be shaped by faith and allow God to step in; letting Him take the weight off your shoulders and learning who you are in Christ.

If your faith is waning under the pressure of work or you are compromising your beliefs, I urge you to have a peak at this book. Let Franklin use the world of Hollywood as a metaphor for life’s struggles. Can you truly be a Christian and not just one for show? Allow him to lead you through some great chapters containing personal stories of woes and triumph.

Six Suspects

by Vikas Swarup Vikas Swarup previously wrote a rather well‐known book called Slumdog Millionaire, which later became a highly acclaimed movie.

This latest effort is a modern tale with an eastern twist. Most

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Hollywood tales have a start, middle and end; however, this book’s structure constantly travels backwards and forwards without making your head spin. This intelligently written book tells the tale of Arun Advani, an investigative journalist who wants to find out who carried out a local murder.

Do you have a dad, uncle or older brother who was a ‘mod’ or who wished that they could have been one? This book is the perfect gift for someone who wants to walk (or indeed ride on their tricked‐out scooter) down memory lane. The ’60s, ’70s and ’80s are investigated thoroughly, with clubs, fashion, music and geography carefully described.

Bradley Wiggins and Paul Weller lookalikes will be left wanting more!

MOD: A Very British Style

JJJJJ

Why do bad things happen to good people? This is probably the most frequently posed question for Christians, but we often stumble through the answer or don’t give a very good one, leaving the person asking the question confused and possibly even angry.

Keller leads us through each chapter, encouraging us to trust God and showing how these lessons can truly help us through life. Try this book out if you’re searching for an answer. You may just get it!

JFK’s Camelot: The Unfolding Story of a President

by Adam Powley Walking with God through Pain and Suffering

JJJJJ

JFK’s Camelot: The Unfolding Story of a President

JJJJJ

Considered one of America’s greatest presidents, JFK has an enduring legacy of extremes: fighting communism with a Cold War between the US and the Soviet Union, while trying to prevent civil war. Turmoil prevailed during the ’60s, while JFK was at the helm.

JFK was slick, cool and came from money. He inspired a generation; however, he became a figure of hate for some and eventually paid the price. This book contains amazing reports and pictures from this period. n

Mark was born in Belfast and developed a book and football obsession at a young age.

He and wife Lisa belong to Fishgate, a church plant in Newtownabbey. Read Mark’s musings at overtakenheart.blogspot.co.uk.

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CULTURE

MUSIC

With Sue Rinaldi

Tuning In Bastille All This Bad Blood

Katy Perry Prism Perry’s fourth album serves up a tasty plate. Boasting a more mature sound, the arrangements are crafted and chosen with care; at times al dente to perfection in “Double Rainbows” and “By the Grace of God”.

Elsewhere, “Birthday” and “Walking on Air” boil to the temperature of dance‐floor pop.

Throughout, Perry sings with dexterity and conviction and respect is due for singing the word ‘roar’ and making it credible!

Bastille All This Bad Blood Born any other day, lead singer Dan Smith might have christened the band with a less memorable or cool‐sounding name, but in a similar vein to that historic event, Bastille have been storming the gates of music town ever since their first EP release in 2011. Gaining a hefty four nominations for the 2014 Brit awards is evidence enough of the widespread and swift appeal of this alliance of friends from London.

All This Bad Blood is a reissue of the band’s debut album, with Bad Blood songs on disc one, and with B‐sides, bonus tracks and new recordings on disc two.

With a breadth of sound ranging from the synth‐pop overtones of high charting “Pompeii” through to the indie‐rock styled “Icarus”, Smith’s songs are always fluent in lyrics and storytelling. Each is consistent in offering something memorable: a melodic trail, a head‐ circling chorus or even the distinctive accents of his voice.

Album‐promoting single “Of the Night” – an electro‐dominant mash‐up of “The Rhythm of the Night” and “Rhythm Is a Dancer” – contrasts superbly with the touches of raw emotion in “Oblivion” and “Get Home”. An apparent love of flavour combinations is a key Bastille feature and one that signals a lengthy reign.

John Newman Tribute

Scott Stapp Proof of Life

Katy Perry

Punchy and hardhitting, Creed vocalist Scott Stapp conquers like a heavyweight boxer in the ring. His voice has always been a powerhouse, but this time the production and songs on his second solo album line up to deliver a sonic force of big guitars, incessant rhythm and tales of an overcomer.

Stapp has always been open about his journey to Christian faith and Proof Of Life shows he is confident when it comes to spreading the message… And he does it so well. n

Prism

John Newman Tribute With the style of James Dean, the soul of Motown and the explosive passion of a pyrotechnic display, a young talent has emerged, seemingly from nowhere!

Featuring as a singer on two of Rudimental’s hits earned John Newman recognition as one of the most celebrated voices of 2013. But when “Love Me Again” from the brilliant Tribute reached number one, heads really turned. This producer, songwriter and artist exudes talent and is blessed with a potent charisma that has immediate effect.

Scott Stapp Proof of Life

Sue Rinaldi travels internationally as a concert artist, worship co‐ordinator, speaker and creative consultant. A self‐confessed info junkie and movie enthusiast, her interest in culture, justice, technology and the future fuels her living and writing (www.suerinaldi.net).

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LIFESTYLE

TIM BARNES-CLAY

Cars

VIVA ESPAÑA

Motoring journalist Tim Barnes‐Clay gets up close and personal with two fresh Spanish models…

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LIFESTYLE

New SEAT Leon FR 2.0 TDI 150 PS

S

EAT enjoyed a record‐breaking year for UK sales in 2012, its best since the brand launched on British soil in 1985. And the Spanish automaker’s popularity is likely to continue if the all‐new Leon is anything to go by. Indeed, the hatchback, which was first introduced in 1999, is unquestionably one of SEAT’s most significant cars ever.

I drove SEAT’s athletic version of the Leon, the FR. Those letters stand for formula racing, so the car predictably comes with ‘sporty’ features.

These include 17‐inch alloy wheels, dark‐tinted rear windows and front sports seats.

The driver’s seat is set lower than that of the previous Leon, but has a broad range of movement, as does the steering wheel. This provides a confident driver set‐up and a fun one, especially when you hit the road after selecting ‘Sport’ from the SEAT drive profile.

This is a menu of driving modes that allows the driver to change the character of the car. On the list of options you can choose normal, eco or individual set‐up. It’s a cool bit of gadgetry and is accessed at the touch of a button.

The Leon FR 2.0 TDI 150 will sprint from 0‐ 62mph in 8.4 seconds and then on to 134mph.

The SEAT hugs the corners as though it is

Fast facts Max speed: 134mph 0-62 mph: 8.4 secs Combined mpg: 68.9 Engine: 1968cc 4 cylinder 16 valve turbo diesel Max power (bhp): 148 at 3,500-4,000rpm Max torque (lb/ft): 236 at 1,750-3,000rpm CO2: 106g/km Price: £21,385 on the road

superglued to the road. In fact, body roll is virtually non‐existent. It feels a million miles away from a standard, efficient, family hatch.

But it’s not that far from one as far as fuel savings go. Fuel economy is startlingly efficient with the oil‐burner averaging 68.9mpg.

The newest Leon comes in a package that is enormously practical, too. The SEAT is a full five‐seater with a 380‐litre boot. The luggage compartment has increased by 39 litres, its rear knee room and headroom by 14mm. It is among the most voluminous motors in the family hatchback class.

Most importantly, the Leon has been awarded the maximum five‐star rating by Euro NCAP in its safety tests. It scored 94% and 92% for the adult occupant and child occupant elements, respectively. What more could you ask for? Not a lot. And if I had £21,385, I’d be buying a Leon FR now.

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LIFESTYLE

New SEAT Toledo On the road, the new Toledo is no speed demon, but it always has enough ‘get up and go’ to prevent accusations of sluggishness. Its 1598cc, 16 valve, four cylinder turbo diesel engine produces 103bhp, and that’s enough to get you from 0‐62mph in 10.4 seconds.

Top speed is a more‐than‐respectable 118mph and CO2 emissions are low at just 106g/km. That means the Toledo is not only eco‐friendly; the small amount of carbon dioxide it releases into the atmosphere also brings it into cheap annual road tax territory.

The SEAT embraces corners and soaks up lumps and bumps without difficulty. The switchgear is nicely damped and the steering is direct. The well‐weighted wheel also gives you good feedback, thoroughly communicating what the road surface is like beneath the four rubber corners.

Lookswise, the latest Toledo is peculiar. It has the appearance of a saloon, but actually it’s a hatchback. The front looks modern with its aggressively shaped headlights, but SEAT’s designers have lost their way the further back you go. The rear end is the visual equivalent of a song that has been faded out because the guys in the recording studio didn’t have a clear‐cut way to finish the track.

My test car, in SE 1.6 TDI Ecomotive 105 PS guise, produced 70.6mpg. That’s pretty staggering. The tank is big, too, with a

Fast facts Max speed: 118mph 0-62 mph: 10.4 secs Combined mpg: 70.6 Engine: 1598cc 4 cylinder 16 valve turbo diesel Max power (bhp): 103 at 4,400rpm Max torque (lb/ft): 184 at 1,500rpm CO2: 106g/km Price: £17,840

potential range of around 600 miles.

The standard safety package for all SEAT Toledos includes front side, head and thorax airbags. The car is available from as little as £12,500 on the road, but the flagship form I test‐drove comes with a price tag that is more than five grand dearer at £17,840. n

Tim is an experienced motoring writer with a background in radio and TV journalism. He puts his pedal to the metal each issue with his must‐read car reviews. Tweet Tim Barnes‐Clay @carwriteups www.carwriteups.co.uk.

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LIFESTYLE

SIX OF THE BEST Cool Runnings

We’re well into the New Year now, and if getting fit was one of your resolutions we hope you’ve managed to keep up the pace. The following items, all available from www.prodirectrunning.com, will help you stay on your toes and finish the race.

2

Trusox Mid-Calf Cushion Crew Socks

1

Adidas Adizero Adios Boost trainers

The Adios now comes with a new Boost foam innovation. The energyreturning midsole keeps every step charged with an endless supply of energy, reportedly giving the runner 15% more energy return than any other material.

Made with non-slip pads on the inside and outside of the sock, Trusox are designed to stop the sock from sliding on the foot, allowing runners to change direction faster and to push off with optimal power. They also help to reduce blisters, making them a must-have for marathon runners.

(RRP £98.99) (RRP £24.99)

3

4

DoUnlimited Stride Out long-sleeve tee

Nike Men’s Reversible Beanie

This doUnlimited long-sleeve tee is an ultra-light, breathable performance running top made from sweat-wicking stretch material for added comfort and freedom of movement. The Stride Out tee also features reflective print details to help keep you safe and visible in the dark.

The Nike Therma-FIT Reversible Running Hat is made from insulated fabric to lock in heat and keep you toasty on those cold winter runs. The handy, two-way reversible design also delivers versatile style.

(RRP £25.00)

(RRP £14.40)

5

6

Asics long-sleeve Winter Top

Gore Mythos Gloves

This Asics long-sleeve top is an ideal wardrobe staple for allweather running and training. You can wear it as one of several layers or on its own. Featuring thermal properties for cold weather protection, and made from material that has proven moisture management, this slim-fitting top promotes comfort and better performance.

These Gore Windstopper running gloves are windproof and insulated, providing moisture management and reflective material for visibility.�They also have a fabric insert on the index fingers and thumb for touchscreen use, so you’ll never want to leave the house without them.

(RRP £31.49) (RRP £35.99) 34

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LIFESTYLE

TOP GEAR

The greatest gear, gadgets and gizmos we could find

Subbuteo Salt and Pepper Grinders Pass the salt (and pepper) in style with these iconic Subbuteo grinders. Featuring a durable ceramic mechanism, these high-quality grinders ensure that meals are tasty season after season.

Inspired by the original 1960s Subbuteo figure, the grinders come packaged in a retro gift box, making them the perfect gift for football fans.

RRP £30 www.thabto.co.uk

Mobee Magic Juice As a mobile device user, you often need more power during the day than you have access to. According to Mobee, this is the world’s first compact battery used to power mobile devices that recharges wirelessly and by USB. Place it on any Mobee flat charging station (Magic Charger or Magic Feet) and it’ll be fully recharged by the time you leave the office. The Magic Juice is a must-have accessory for those on the go.

RRP £69 www.mobeetechnology.com

Philips PerfectCare Iron A modern man needs a modern iron, and they don’t come any better than this high-tech offering from Philips. Iron your garments without adjusting the temperature thanks to the brand’s OptimalTEMP technology, which also rules out accidental burn marks. It’s the lightest, most compact steam generator out there, and is also easy to store and carry.

RRP £140 www.philips.co.uk

Sorted.

TOP BUY Brown Paper Lunch Bag

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Made from Tyvek, this lunch bag looks and feels exactly like a regular brown paper bag, only it is tear-proof, leak resistant, tough and insulating. The magnetic strip at the top seals it tight and you can even write your name on it.

So now you can carry your lunch US style, with all the convenience of a plastic tub.

STK Portable Bluetooth Stereo Speaker

RRP £9.74 www.firebox.com

RRP £29.99 www.mobilefun.co.uk

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This handy speaker is available in two colours: fiery red and black. The Bluetooth technology means no wires are required, and its sleek shape means this is the perfect speaker for any travel lover who is looking for truly portable sound.

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LIFESTYLE

StickNFind Scarcely bigger than a pound coin and capable of adhering to just about anything, the time/sanity/life-saving StickNFind enables you to keep tabs on your precious items, making sure they never mysteriously go AWOL again.

The intuitive radar app displays all of your devices within range, so you simply need to select the corresponding sticker on the screen to track it. You can easily label all of your stickers as well as making them buzz and flash (or both) at the touch of a button. So you’ll even be able to find your tagged items in the dark!

RRP £49.99 www.firebox.com

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TOP BUY

Crispy Cricket Pad Thai Do you know what your delicious pad Thai is missing? A generous sprinkling of bugs, that’s what. Precooked and well-seasoned, these chirpy, winged pests are now your culinary best friend. You can stir them straight into your noodles to add a unique and unforgettable crunch. Whether scattered as a garnish or scoffed as a brave standalone snack, these brilliant beetles offer a veritable taste sensation.

RRP £99.99 www.firebox.com

KitVision Rush action camera

KitSound Boom Evolution Incorporating Bluetooth wireless technology, this versatile system allows you to connect to Bluetooth-enabled mobile phones and media players without cables, meaning you can play your music, view YouTube clips, stream Spotify and Bloom.fm, watch on-demand content and listen to internet radio, either with your device in your hand or at a convenient distance.

RRP £199.99 www.amazon.co.uk

Whether you’re freefalling at 15,000 feet, skiing down the black run or hanging upside-down on a roller coaster track, the Kitvision Rush action camera is the must-have accessory for extreme sports enthusiasts, adventure lovers and those who just like to lead an active lifestyle.

As well as being able to record true high-definition video in 1080p/30fps or capturing fast action in 720p/60fps, the Rush is capable of taking 5 megapixel photos in Single Photo, Burst Shot and Time Lapse modes.

RRP £199 www.amazon.co.uk

Scalextric C1308 Raw Power Race Set Two of the hottest GT racers go head to head on this huge, figure-of-eight circuit featuring bridge and crossover sections. The Chevrolet Corvette C6R and Chevrolet Camaro GTR are tough and extremely fast, allowing you to race your mates time and time again. The kit comes with two hand controllers and a power supply.

RRP £149.99 www.scalextric.com

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LIFESTYLE

PAUL HURST

Gadget Geek What’s in Store for You?

BY PAUL HURST

D

o you know your megabytes from your megabits?

Or are you a bit of a teraflop when it comes to data usage and storage? Fear not! I’m on hand with everything you need to know about cloud storage and portable backup devices… and I may even save you a bit of money on your next big technological purchase.

“Storage and RAM are the same thing, right?”

Nope! The two are completely different and they do different things inside your technology. Storage does exactly what it says on the tin. Usually quoted in gigabytes (GB), the bigger the number, the more of your photos, music, videos and documents you can fit on your device.

RAM is very ‘fast’ memory, which is used to temporarily hold data before the central processing unit (CPU) does something with it. RAM is usually quoted in megabytes (MB). If a device has more RAM, it can usually process things more quickly, so adding more RAM to your laptop is often a cheaper way of seeing a performance increase rather than buying a brand new computer.

“So I can upgrade the RAM, but what about storage space?”

You can buy a bigger hard disk drive (HDD) for your computer, which will let you squeeze more onto your computer. A faster HDD may also give your system a ‘slightly’ improved performance boost.

If you’re using a smartphone or tablet, you can ‘upgrade’ the storage space by inserting some kind of memory card, but be careful as some of the cheaper ones have slower read/write speeds, which may make your device run a little slower. You may also notice a slight hit on battery life, as more juice is needed to cope with the extra circuits within the card.

“There’s no slot on my very expensive smartphone or classleading tablet. Do I have to pay full whack for one with more storage space?”

It’s no oversight that there’s no ‘memory card’ slot on your fruit‐ based devices. Input/output ports on technology open devices up to modification and security attacks, and also cedes some degree of

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control from the manufacturer to the tinkering end user.

But despair not! Cloud storage allows you to store your files remotely. You access them via Wi‐Fi or cellular internet connections and most of these services, such as iCloud, Dropbox, Google Drive and Skydrive, give you some for free to lure you in.

This is very good news and could save you quite a bit of cash. If you’re looking for a new portable device, ask yourself, do I need to buy the extra‐large version or can I use cloud storage and plump for something cheaper?

Another advantage is that cloud storage is ‘cross‐platform’, so you can usually get to your files from any internet‐enabled device. This means less faffing around with emails trying to send yourself pictures from the camera roll. n Owning most pieces of modern technology ever invented (from the late '80s onwards, at least), the Gadget Geek Paul Hurst should have been one of the richest men on the planet. Instead, he is incredibly well organised, always knows the exact time and can watch video and listen to music just about anywhere.

Got a question for the Gadget Geek?

Send me an email at gadgetgeek@sortedmagazine.com.

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LIFESTYLE

PETER HORNE

60 Second Life Coach

Brain Power Boost previously sedentary people in their seventies went to the gym three times a week for an hour.

After six months, MRI scans showed a significant increase in brain volume in each of them: their brains looked two to three years younger.

EXERCISE UNLEASHES A CASCADE OF NEUROCHEMICALS AND GROWTH FACTORS THAT PHYSICALLY BOLSTER THE BRAIN’S INFRASTRUCTURE.

S

orted contributor Phil Baines has been writing his fitness column for three years now and he might just be providing one of the most important contributions to this fabulous mag. If you’re interested to know why, read on.

In our highly informed society, most of us are aware of the health benefits exercise can bring, including a reduced risk of heart disease, certain types of cancer and type 2 diabetes. But there are also several brain‐ boosting benefits.

According to sparkinglife.org, exercise unleashes a cascade of neurochemicals and growth factors that physically bolster the brain’s infrastructure. Research shows that exercise can reverse the debilitating processes associated with anxiety and depression.

In fact, the brain responds the way muscles do: it grows with use or withers with inactivity.

The neurons in the brain connect to one another through ‘leaves’ on treelike branches, and exercise causes these branches to grow and bloom with new buds, thus enhancing brain function at a fundamental level.

Exercise can also help us become smarter and more alert. A study of children aged between 5 and 14 attending state‐funded schools in New York City shows that students in the top 5% of the fitness rankings scored 36% higher on standardised academic tests than students ranked in the bottom 5%.

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John Ratey is one of Sparking Life’s board of directors and a professor of psychiatry. The tagline of his book, Spark, is “How exercise will improve the performance of your brain”.

When Ratey addressed some of the world’s leading educators on his specialist subject, he invited them to join in with a brief spot of exercise. He had the group run on the spot for 20 seconds, then rest for 10. He repeated the process four times in the knowledge that the exercise would make the group more alert and might even help participants to retain more of what they were about to hear.

Ratey cites a study in which a group of

And finally, New Scientist magazine (issue 2,942) reported that Arthur Kramer, a cognitive psychologist, published a paper which shows that previously sedentary adults who undertook an aerobic fitness plan for six months boosted their cognitive performance. His research showed an improvement in the kind of concentration that allows us to switch between different tasks without making mistakes, and that it is a key contributor to more general intelligence.

With spring just around the corner and the days getting lighter and longer, now could be the perfect time to review your exercise regime and strategically enhance your brain function in the process. As the Daily Mail reported in January 2009, it’s time to forget fish oil and Sudoku as it is exercise that makes you brainier and that helps to reverse the signs of ageing. So what’s stopping you? n Peter Horne is a qualified life coach with a passion for helping people change things in their lives when they feel stuck. He works with individuals and organisations, and can be contacted at enquiries@therealyou.eu. Peter is married with four children and attends St Peter’s Church in Brighton.

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BRIAN LITTRELL Getty Images

The Boys are in

Back

Town

BY JOY TIBBS

I

remember the exact moment as a teenager when I heard those three little words. No, not “I love you”, although that would have been exciting. The special words I’m talking about were put forth not by one, but by five young men… and in song.

They were, of course, “Backstreet’s back, alright”, and these memorable words heralded a new era with the best boy band in the world (I can say this without guilt as Take That had disbanded in ’96). So when I heard that I would be interviewing band member Brian Littrell, my heart started to beat that little bit faster.

The rise to fame Born in New Jersey, Brian had originally planned to go to Bible College with a view to becoming a minister. But when the call from his cousin – fellow band member Kevin Richardson – came asking whether he wanted to join the group, he was keen to get involved. In fact, he flew to Orlando the very next day to join the four existing members of the band.

Brian came from a musical family and had always loved singing, whether he was at school, at his church (Porter Memorial Baptist Church in Lexington) or simply around the house. He was a member of every choir going and even tried to get in on the action with an adult singing group on one occasion.

“I remember being about nine or ten years old and I went to a church service and asked the choir director if I could have the adult choir sing behind me for a special

song I was doing for church,” he recalls. “It was the first time the adult choir had accompanied a kid. “[Singing] was something I loved and still love to do, but I didn’t know I was going to make a career out of it.”

Named after Orlando’s Backstreet Market, the Backstreet Boys (or BSB as the cool kids call them), got off to a fairly slow start in the US. They first performed at SeaWorld Orlando in 1993 and went on to appear at a number of other tourist venues and schools.

“IT’S BEEN A RIDE; A FUN RIDE. IT’S ALSO BEEN TOUGH. THERE HAVE BEEN HIGHS AND LOWS.” After initially struggling to secure a record deal, they were signed the following year and really started to make a name for themselves in Europe. While the band’s first single, “We’ve Got It Goin’ On”, debuted at number 69 in the US, it made the top five in Austria, France, Germany, the Netherlands and Switzerland.

Global success followed and the five‐man vocal group soon climbed the charts and began to amass a series of awards and accolades. Young ladies fell in love with them and young men wanted to be them (I’m pretty sure a lot of guys were practising the moves in front of the mirror when no one was looking – don’t deny it!). When their second album, Backstreet’s Back, was released in 1997, they sold 28 million copies at the drop of a hat. f Sorted. Mar/Apr 2014

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BRIAN LITTRELL

Still in the mix Unlike many bands from this era, the Backstreet Boys’ success has continued over the years. Their third album, Millennium, sold 1.1 million copies within a week of release, eventually selling more than 12 million copies in the US alone. Then in 2001 the band performed the American national anthem in front of millions of viewers at the Super Bowl XXXV in Tampa, Florida.

Despite Kevin leaving and later rejoining the band, BSB have proved that they are Unbreakable, hence the title of their sixth album.

In 2011 the boys joined forces with New Kids on the Block to become NKOTBSB – a clever, if somewhat difficult to pronounce name – for a year‐long tour that spanned Australia, Asia, Europe and North America.

With Kevin back in the ranks, the band celebrated their 20th year of ‘Boyhood’ in 2012.

“Last year we received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame,” Brian says. “We’ve sold 130 million albums worldwide. That’s a lot of records and that’s touched a lot of people’s lives.

“It’s been a ride; a fun ride. It’s also been tough. There have been highs and lows.

“We’re coming up on our 21st anniversary, so I’ve been a Backstreet Boy for more than half my life. I guess I’ll be a Boy for all my life. I guess the best part of being an artist in general is the influence you do have on people; knowing that you’ve really touched someone in a positive way. I think that’s why God put me in this situation.”

Feet on the ground According to Brian, it is his faith that has kept him on track over the years, both as part of the Backstreet Boys and in recording his own Christian music. While shooting to fame becomes a snare for many young stars, he claims that his belief in God and his commitment to following Him have helped to keep him grounded.

Brian became a Christian at the age of eight and says that his faith is the “utmost important thing” in his life.

He has always been open about his faith and believes that his time with the Backstreet Boys has given him the perfect platform from which to demonstrate that his beliefs are more than just lip service; that he is living his Christianity out in a very public way, day after day.

Although he admits that there is always temptation for those in the limelight, he believes that resisting the obvious pitfalls and living a moral life is not only beneficial to him and his family, but also to those around him and to those who buy his music.

A dedicated family man, Brian has been married to wife Leighanne Wallace for almost 14 years and describes their relationship as “very stable”. Rarely seen apart, they have a son called Baylee, who is now 11.

Growing up I should take a break at this point to mention that when I was put through to Brian by the PR company, he was humming away quietly to himself, which threw me a little.

Then at this point in the interview he actually broke into song. “Quit playing games with my heart,” he crooned, as my own heart did a backflip that would have made JLS’ Aston blush. It took me a few minutes to stop giggling and weeping at the same time. I may even have snorted.

Fortunately, just like Brian and his increasingly mature musical style, I quickly remembered that I am no longer 15 and managed to compose myself. Describing his new sound, Brian explains: “It’s growing. It’s ever changing and hopefully it’s getting better. My style is not so ‘kiddish’ any more.” He claims that his eclectic sound comes down to the fact that his musical influences are so varied; including, but not limited to, Elvis, Dean Martin and gospel music.

Released in 2006, his debut solo album, Welcome Home, sold more than 100,000 copies in the US alone. The title track charted at number one on various US radio stations,

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and he also found success with “In Christ Alone”, “Wish” and “Over My Head” from the same album.

He has won four Gospel Music Association (GMA) Dove Awards over the years, along with a Special Event Album of the Year award for compilation album Glory Revealed, Inspirational Recorded Song of the Year for collaborative song “By His Wounds” and Special Event Album of the Year for Glory Revealed II. While still a committed ‘Boy’, this sidestep into Christian music has enabled Brian to show people who he really is as a man rather than as a pop star and to express exactly what his faith means to him.

Using wealth for health And while some might question why someone who apparently has it all – the fame, the fortune and the family – needs God, Brian has faced some very real challenges in his life so far. He has seen people close to him struggle with drug and alcohol addiction, dealt with various management disputes and, most seriously, battled with his own health.

Born with a heart defect, Brian spent two months in hospital at the age of five and had to undergo open heart surgery in 1998. A nasty bout of swine flu later threatened his health and led to the cancellation of a BSB promotional tour.

But rather than getting down about the pain and illness he has experienced over the years, Brian decided to use his money, notoriety and experience to set up a Healthy Heart Club to help children who have heart problems themselves.

The non‐profit organisation provides medical, financial and practical help for these kids, and when Brian had his heart surgery he appealed to fans to donate to the fund rather than sending him gifts. He still received hundreds of teddy bears and other gifts, but children from around the world also made small, sacrificial donations to the Healthy Heart Club.

According to the singer, their generosity has made a huge difference over the years.

More on the horizon So as well as being a husband, father, Christian and lifelong Backstreet Boy, what are Brian’s hopes and dreams going forward? I asked him if there was anything he would like to do that he hasn’t already done. One of the things he has dabbled with in the past is acting and presenting, and this is something Brian would certainly like to do more.

Having previously appeared on Arthur, Sesame Street, and Sabrina The Teenage Witch, Brian recently joined the other BSBs in American comedy This Is the End, directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, which was well received by critics. And these experiences have given him a real taste for life in front of the camera.

“I love TV, I’m a big ham,” says Brian. “That’s an American saying that means you love the attention. It’s just kind of a part of who I am. I love TV. I love movies and getting behind the scenes.”

He claims that if the right opportunity comes along he will play any role, whether it be a young kid, an old man or a shrewd basketball coach. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to seeing more of Brian on the big screen. Be still, my beating heart. n

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LUKE HAVARD

SEARCH FOR THE LEADER

WITHIN

BY LUKE HAVARD

H

ow’s life? What would you say if I asked you that question? For many men, the token reply might be something along the lines of: “I can’t complain”, “Alright”, “OK” or “Not bad”. But how often are these standard answers simply a pre‐empted, empty response designed to save from us from acknowledging and sharing the truth?

When was the last time that you were dangerously honest with someone? When was the last time you were brutally honest with yourself? Let’s try again… How’s life?

Now I don’t know about your experience, but I speak to a lot of different people from all walks of life and there’s a common theme I find with almost everyone when they’re being dangerously honest. Life regularly feels like an uphill struggle.

You don’t need to be a psychic to know that struggle is all around us. People feel exhausted, depressed, angry and afraid. You only need to turn on the TV, read the papers and even look at your own home. Life’s challenges are real for all of us. Marriage breakdown, financial worries, redundancy, stress and depression are real challenges that real people are struggling with on a daily basis.

But what if, in the midst of our darkest hours, we could reinterpret our biggest challenges and most painful struggles and use them as the catalyst for our greatest breakthroughs?

OK, I think know what you’re probably thinking. Easy for you to say. It makes for a great concept, but how does this pan out in the real world?

Please allow me to share my personal story of how I went from being a hopeless, uneducated, unemployable addict to finding hope, love, marriage, fatherhood and becoming a highly sought‐after advisor, inspiring up to 700,000 people on a monthly basis.

Eight years ago I hit rock bottom. In truth I had been struggling for years, but this was my lowest ebb. I was unemployed and addicted to drugs and alcohol, going from one relationship to the next and my life was a complete mess. After wasting years of my life in and out of trouble, I had exhausted all of my options and I was fed up.

One day, when I was at the end of my tether, I was given one last option. I discovered that I had inherited some money, so I took full advantage of this opportunity and booked a flight to Australia.

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LUKE HAVARD A few months later, there I was living it up on Bondi Beach. This was my chance at a clean slate. But after only a matter of weeks, the cracks began to appear and as per usual my life began to unravel. I was heartbroken. Even in paradise, I still managed to screw things up! I tried desperately to leave my problems behind me, but wherever I went the problems came with me. I realise now that my problems were never outside myself. The real problem lay within with me; hopelessly intertwined in who I was.

THE ONLY WAY I CAN DESCRIBE IT IS AS THOUGH THERE WAS A FIGHT GOING ON FOR MY LIFE; LIKE I WAS BEING PULLED FROM ONE SIDE TO ANOTHER, FROM DEATH TO LIFE. The truth hit me one day like a ton of bricks. All my life I had blamed others for my experience, when all along I was responsible for the life I had chosen. Even after travelling to the other side of the world I was still the same person. I was still deeply insecure and unhappy with the person I was and I continued to make poor decisions. In my heart I knew how I wanted to be, but my life was out of control. I felt like I was being hijacked by my emotions; like I was trapped on an emotional rollercoaster and couldn’t get off. I was trapped in a vicious cycle. My circumstances dictated my emotions and my emotions determined my results in life.

One day I decided I’d had enough. I felt powerless to control my life and was fed up of waiting for someone to rescue me. I stood on the edge of the pavement feeling empty and heartbroken, riddled with anger and self‐ loathing. I decided my life was no longer worth living.

My second chance In that moment I decided to jump in front of one of the big tour buses that toured the red light district where I lived. But just as I decided I was ready to go through with it, something happened.

Now I don’t know what you believe, but in that moment I had an undeniable encounter with God. From one moment to the next, I felt a deep need to live, like a voice inside me was telling me to reconsider. The only way I can describe it is as though there was a fight going on for my life; like I was being pulled from one side to another, from death to life.

I’m happy to say that the pull to live was so intense in that moment that I immediately stepped away from the curb through shock. An overwhelming sense of hope flooded my body and I knew, without fully understanding how, that there was more for me.

That day I gave my life to Christ and was instantly free from my addictions.

I’m a completely different person now. I know that I am 100% forgiven of the mistakes that I made in the past.

However, forgiveness was only the beginning of my journey. Over the last eight years I have dedicated my life to studying human psychology and to helping others make the changes that we as individuals have to make for ourselves.

I’ve realised that most people aren’t living the lives they’re designed to live. Regardless of their faith, the majority of people believe they have very little control over their destiny. The majority believe that they are at the mercy of their thoughts, emotions and circumstances. Most have stopped growing and taking risks and have simply settled for the status quo. The reality is, no one ever aimed for mediocrity, but in f

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LUKE HAVARD order to avoid feeling out of control, most people have chosen to play safe and use humility as an excuse.

Secretly, many live in regret.

I’m here to tell you that you were born for more than this. You may not believe it, but we all have the power to choose the thoughts, emotions, behaviours and results we want. And no one has to accept the status quo or put up with mediocrity.

Looking back, I realise the biggest challenges I faced in my life have always been a result of the decisions and choices I made, inspired by my emotions. I recognise that in the past I was emotionally out of control and it became apparent that, in order for my life to change, I first needed to manage my emotional state. On the day my life was turned around, I also changed what I believed about the world and my ability to influence my life and the lives of others.

As a result, I’ve become really good at mastering my own psychology and helping thousands of others to do the same. The shift that took place in my thinking was the belief that I am entirely responsible for my actions and behaviour. I know that blaming my circumstances and blaming other people for my current life experience is not equipping me to live at my best or to fulfil the calling on my life. Eight years ago I made the discovery that the only way to change my life is to change what is wrong with myself first.

I’m not perfect. Cut me and I bleed just like everyone else. However, one thing that is very apparent for me is that I no longer struggle in the way that I did previously.

I’m no longer consumed with fear or anxiety. I’m no longer controlled by what other people think of me.

I no longer feel overwhelmed by stress, worry or anger.

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I honestly can’t remember the last time I lay awake at night stewing over how I’m going to pay my bills or dreading going to a job that I hate. I’m in control of my thoughts and emotions.

When I met God in that red light district eight years ago, he forgave me of my past and equipped me to start a new life as a leader. And that’s when my lifelong journey to harnessing my personal leadership started.

Now’s the time to awaken the leader within The greatest myth perpetuated by society is that leadership begins and ends in the corporate boardroom.

The truth is, real leadership starts in your own living room.

Regardless of what you believe or whether you have a faith or not, if you’re feeling unhappy, uninspired and unfulfilled, it’s because you are not being the leader of your own destiny.

But I’ve got some good news! It doesn’t have to be this way. I can show you exactly what is causing you to struggle and why. And, most importantly, I can teach you step‐by‐ step solutions to overcoming your biggest challenges and struggles so that you can take back control of your life and enjoy the life you were designed to live. n Luke Havard is the founder of Extraordinary Human Potential, High Value Entrepreneur and Dangerous Honesty. These brands provide life and business strategy/consultancy via books, programmes, events, experiences and one‐to‐one consultancy, either in person or over the phone. Luke’s clients include politicians, CEOs, entrepreneurs, public figures and many more. His message reaches a collective audience of 700,000 worldwide on a monthly basis through videos, blog posts and articles on becoming a leader in life and in business.

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Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

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BEN STILLER

The Secret Life of

Ben Stiller Even as a child, Ben Stiller knew films would feature in his future.

But would he act or direct? And would he favour comedy like his parents or become a ‘serious’ actor?

BY JESSICA YOUNG

Starting early

en Stiller has learned several vital life lessons from his famous parents: work extremely hard, stay fiercely loyal to family and close friends, and always make time for a nap. Each of these has held him in good stead over the years, especially through the pressures of directing and starring in A‐list movies.

Ben has always looked to his parents – Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara – for love and moral support as well as for career advice. Having grown up in the family business, the quirky comic actor has taken his family’s legendary showbiz legacy to new levels.

Ben’s childhood was a terrific training ground for both a stellar Hollywood career and a happy home life. He and his sister Amy often performed plays at home, wearing Amy’s tights to perform Shakespeare. Ben was also interested in being on the other side of the camera and, at the age of ten, he began shooting films on his Super 8mm camera. Back then the plots were simple: someone would pick on the shy, awkward Stiller and he would always get his revenge. Now a long way from his humble movie beginnings, his success has been the best ‘revenge’.

So how much can Ben’s success be attributed to his parents’ prominence? “So my parents, they called up the head of show business and said, ‘Can you please get my son a job?’ And I was rocketed straight to the top of the line,” he jokes.

“You know, it’s strange. It’s kind of like something that we didn’t even think about growing up, because we were so involved in that world. So I don’t think I second‐ guessed it. I just kind of said, ‘Okay, this is what I want to do.’

“When I was ten years old I wanted to make movies. I saw Jaws, and was just kind of hooked. I made my own short films and Super 8 movies as a kid. I just really never even thought about doing anything else. The only question was, did I want to act or direct? Or did I want to be serious or funny?

“For a while I wanted to be very serious, because my parents were funny. I wanted to rebel against that and go my own way. And then I realised I enjoyed the humorous aspect of it more. I was really drawn to it and I stopped kind of denying that after a while.” f

B

“SO MY PARENTS, THEY CALLED UP THE HEAD OF SHOW BUSINESS AND SAID, ‘CAN YOU PLEASE GET MY SON A JOB?’ AND I WAS ROCKETED STRAIGHT TO THE TOP OF THE LINE.” He came into contact with various producers, directors and other celebrities during his younger years in Manhattan and as a child he couldn’t work out why his parents were so popular. “If my parents were plumbers, who knows what I would be doing now?” says Stiller. “In some ways, it was a show business upbringing – a lot of travelling, a lot of late nights – not what you’d call traditional.”

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Ben Stiller on the film set of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

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BEN STILLER FAM008/FAMOUS

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BEN STILLER

FAMOUS

A new reality

On the set Ben’s latest film, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, tells the tale of an officer worker at Life magazine who lives inside various fantasy worlds to fill his previously untapped adventurous side. The original movie starring Danny Kaye debuted in 1947 and both movies are based on a short story written by James Thurber. Playing the eponymous hero, Ben’s character joins a dating service to help romance his lovely co‐worker Cheryl, played by Kristen Wiig.

Shortly after this, Walter finds himself on a global quest to put things right when their jobs are threatened by a high‐tech takeover of the magazine. Filmed in Greenland and Iceland, Ben did a fair number of the stunts himself, even ending up in shark‐infested waters at one point.

“I have an incredible stuntman, but I did a lot of that,” he reveals. “Honestly, I did as much as I felt I could actually do. So, we got in the water for real in Iceland. I didn’t jump out of the actual helicopter, but we did get in the real water in Iceland, with the boat there. And it definitely felt like I was doing… something! And then we were actually up there doing a lot of those hiking shots.

You know, all that stuff up on the glaciers and stuff.”

And it didn’t end there. “I got on the skateboard, but then we had great skateboard doubles too, who did the big, serious stuff. But it was incredibly exciting to be a part of that and to have an opportunity to do that stuff.

And at one point, I had to do a shot in the water where the boat was coming at me in the water.

So the camera was in the boat and the boat had to go away to shoot the shot. So they dropped me in the water, and the boat went away. And I was just in the water, in the North Sea. Like, with nobody around me and five‐ foot swells! And I had that moment like, okay this is a movie, but it’s also real life, and there really could be a shark there!”

So how did this adventure make him feel? “It was great,” he shares. “It was one of those moments where I realised that never in a million years would I have a chance to do something like this if I didn’t have an opportunity to make this movie.

“But there were a lot of rickety old doorless helicopter rides! Yeah, the helicopter stuff was all real. They found this 50‐year‐old helicopter. It was actually the original Hawaii Five‐0 helicopter, literally. And the helicopter pilot kept on saying, ‘Man, I wish this thing had more power’, which is not what you want to hear! But it all felt so very real and I think that all helps the actors. It helped me as an actor and it helped everybody feel like it was actually happening.”

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Brandon T Jackson as Alpa Chino, Ben Stiller as Tugg Speedman and Robert Downey Jr as Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder.

According to Stiller, the film was “a lot of fun” to make, but it also had an important job to do in highlighting the plight of many US workers who have lost their jobs in recent years.

“To me that’s one of the great things about this story,” he says, “and that it is put in that context, and that besides getting into the idea of who the character is, it’s put in the context of what is going on in the world today and generationally.

“Guys of my age living in a world, we’re all living in this world where it’s really transformed from analogue to digital. It’s in the process of doing that and what gets left behind with that, which is really an important part of the telling of the story. It’s the idea that the permanence of pictures and tactile things – that’s all going away. You know, now we don’t buy CDs or albums, obviously. We download things.

“But Walter’s job is to take care of actual physical objects and he cares about that. And he cares about his co‐workers, and the process, and all of that. And that was something I think that just gave it a context. And to me, that was really resonant, you know? And worth thinking about today, now.

“The Life magazine workplace idea, I think, was a great way of encapsulating that and what’s going on in the world in terms of downsizing great journalism and magazines going away. And the filmmaking process has changed so much, too. It’s all changing and happening so much quicker. Even the pace of the movie honours that, too.

“We wanted to create a world where everything is real, but sort of in its own world a little bit. And a tone where you felt all this was kind of happening, even if it’s all a little hyper‐real. And I think it has the spirit of the original story and the character that Thurber created, which is obviously an iconic character.”

“MY MOVIES ARE ALL DIFFERENT, BUT IT JUST KIND OF FELL OUT THAT WAY. IT WASN’T LIKE A MASTER PLAN.”

Stiller the storyteller Talking about the challenges of fleshing out what is real, and what is only taking place inside Mitty’s head, Ben says: “I think that was really one of the facets of the script, right off the bat. And the idea that the fantasies in Walter’s head related to parts of his ‘self’ and who he could be, or who he wanted to be, as opposed to being a different character; and just what he was under the surface that he didn’t realise.

“And then, obviously, to have fun with it and enjoy the idea of being able to be in different worlds, and then the comedy to come out of that. But for me, that idea of understanding how each fantasy leads him to becoming who he is and ultimately being able to realise his role. So that was really important. But the challenge is that when you have fantasies outside the story, the audience does want to see the story unfold. So it’s very challenging to keep the momentum going while having the fantasies play out.

“So originally we had envisioned these much more elaborate fantasies and they went on a lot longer, but as we developed the script and working on the script, we realised that we had to keep tearing it down, and that process continued until the end of the movie.”

According to Stiller, the key here was finding a balance and keeping the momentum of the story going. “And also

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BEN STILLER having enough of the fantasies in there to give you a sense of what is going on,” he continues. “And it looked like Walter was just having a lot of fun. But we spent a lot of time, the whole team, envisioning these crazy fantasies that we ended up having to cut for budgetary reasons.

“For instance, originally there was a fantasy that happened on Sixth Avenue, sitting by the fountain. And a Lawrence of Arabia fantasy, pretending to come galloping up on horses and looking like Anthony Quinn and then riding the horses down into the subway. Then they go through the subway and they come up out of the other side. And they’re in the desert, and then they end up kind of singing this song from Greece! And I don’t know where they got that! But it was funny, basically.

“But we just realised as we went along that we had to keep tearing it down. And it also became really important to focus the fantasies; and on Walter and Cheryl, and Walter wanting to connect with Cheryl. So we kept on working on that, all the way through the process of making the movie.”

Ben is well known for his hard work and dedication, so how does he go about choosing which projects to take on? “If you throw enough stuff up at the wall, something’s going to stick,” he says. “It’s kind of been my theory on it, just keep going and try to choose stuff that interests you. I take full responsibility for choosing to do the movies.

“In terms of what’s going to get released when and how things do, you try to just make judgments for yourself personally, what you think is right to do. And then you never know what is going to happen. My movies are all different, but it just kind of fell out that way. It wasn’t like a master plan. I think I just said, ‘All right, you know what? This seems to be happening right now, so I’ll just go with it.’”

He is passionate about directing as well as appearing in front of the camera, and this has enabled him to call the shots on a range of challenging films, including this latest effort and 2008 film Tropic Thunder.

“I love directing movies,” he explains. “I love movies.

Tropic Thunder, every movie has its own story. And Tropic Thunder was something that Justin Theroux and I had been working on for about eight years. I got the idea for the movie when I was working on Empire of the Sun, in 1987. So I was an extra in a war movie and Tropic Thunder had been percolating for a while.

“But for me, I don’t look at it thematically, I just kind of look at what is exciting and seems engaging and somehow connects, you know? Something I would want to see as a movie. So I think that’s really important. And this movie is the kind of movie I would love to see.

“And then the idea of the process of making it, because it is a long process, and what is going to keep you engaged and what’s going to excite you enough that you are going to see it through. You know, for a number of years you have to, so that’s how it works. And really, it’s just sort of a very personal thing.

“It’s all about trust. I need to trust the actors and they need to trust me, because they know I’m acting with them in the scene. So they need to also trust me as a director. And you know if I’m mostly watching them in the scene as a director that I’m not going to be a good actor, and that’s already challenging.

“So it’s one of those things where you get into a rhythm and you figure it all out as you go along. And the actors were so great in supporting that process. So you hire great, talented people, because that is really a huge part of it. If you hire great actors, they’re going to bring so much to it.

“And we all got into it. We watched a few movies [including The Apartment and Being There] together and talked about what we called the ‘tone’ of the movie, and

Family man Stiller is happily married to American actress and comedian Christine Taylor‐Stiller, who played Marcia in The Brady Bunch Movie and Matilda in Zoolander. They have two children: Ella, 11, and Quinn, 8.

Having always been close to his own father, Ben is determined to be a great dad to his own children. “You want to love them and protect them and let them be who they are, all in one,” he says. “Since I’m still a big kid, we have great fun together. It is a wonderful adventure.” When he’s not working hard and being a family man, he still finds time for the occasional nap. n

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FAM008/FAMOUS

The direct approach

what we wanted it to be. So that was important, too; that bonding experience, of just watching something together and hanging out, and having a connection before you get on the set. You know, when there’s pressure on. And then it doesn’t feel like just another job; you are in it together.

“But we watched all those movies that were inspiring, and not necessarily in any specific way, but just watching something good. And watching movies that get you excited to try to do something good too, like Zoolander and The Cable Guy! All the blockbusters!”

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RICHARD SCOTT

Out of a Clear Blue Sky I

BY RICHARD SCOTT

t is often said that doctors make the worst patients. Aware of the risks, we smoke less than we did but still drink handsomely, and our dangerous habits don’t stop there. As a profession, we have a higher‐than‐average suicide rate, partly because access to dangerous drugs means we’re good at it! This may come as something of a surprise to many people. Patients get ill, but the clue’s in the title: doctors are meant to stay well… aren’t they?

In 2011, my bottom began to misbehave.

Actually, my wife would disagree, never having viewed my bowels as a strong point. However, towards the middle of the year I became increasingly familiar with the toilet seat.

Anyone coming my way professionally with a similar story involving frequency and slime would have pretty rapidly become acquainted with the sharp end of a colonoscope, but doctors are different. Knowing what lay ahead, I sat on my symptoms, determined to ride them out if possible.

ONE THING I’VE LEARNT IN LIFE, NOT LEAST FROM PATIENTS, IS THAT IT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU IN LIFE THAT COUNTS, BUT HOW YOU RESPOND. Then one day I was about to preach in church.

Needing to concentrate, I popped out beforehand for some relief, but none came as I filled the pan with red, sticky stuff. Two medical terms came to mind – beggar and spit – but in truth the blood came as no great surprise, for I had already decided that if I bled I would have to do something.

Confessing all to my dearest, I was a tad sheepish and in all honesty she wasn’t best pleased either. Not because of the likely diagnosis, for cancer is common and if any part of me was going to let me down, her money would’ve been on my colon; but because I hadn’t told her that things weren’t right. We’ve always been a partnership and even if I had chosen to cast a blind eye, she wouldn’t have.

Knowing what was coming, the only question was: how bad? Playing dumb and not confessing early cost me, as the tumour had already spread to a lymph gland. Fortunately just the one, but I could have saved myself a second dose of chemotherapy if I had played

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smart. That just left telling the kids.

Heather and I have three girls. As a fellow medic, she has always accused me of lacking Y chromosomes, but I was just as delighted when the third girl emerged as I was when number one popped out, and now I can’t even imagine coping with sons. All three have now left home, but bad news travels fast and when the word went out, the two oldest rushed home from university full of concern and tears.

What did it mean? Will dad still be at our weddings? And if not, who’ll teach our kids to play tennis? There were so many questions and it was all so unexpected; for them at least. I had had an inkling that all wasn’t rosy, but they had had no clue. The sky remained blue for all of us until I owned up.

We were a family with the usual concerns.

Heather and I were getting paid to make others better, while the usual preoccupations for the kids involved mobile phones, boys and getting through exams. Not now. Our offsprings’ financial and social needs took a back seat as my nether regions assumed pride of place, and the shock for Heather was no less momentous. Having recently turned 50, she was glad to have left behind trial relationships and the early job market, achieving a measure of security in the process. But now this huge grey cloud emerged from nowhere, blotting out the sun. As she remarked, this was not meant to happen. Not so soon. Not now.

One thing I’ve learnt in life, not least from patients, is that it’s not what happens to you in life that counts, but how you respond. And how you respond depends on where you are coming from. My background was non‐ Christian. Dropped off at Sunday School by parents who then sped off into the distance, I sensed early on that their hearts weren’t sold on God and nor was mine. I left, aged five, seemingly never to return.

But God had other ideas. My secondary school had a strong Christian Union, which ran great summer camps. British bulldog by day (banned only after someone broke their leg) and four‐goal footy by night, with the pitch lit up by car headlamps, it was the best week of the year. The quid pro quo was that you had to attend the evening meeting.

Based in a hot, sweaty marquee with a chance to sing and let off more steam, it was no big deal, but by the third year I thought I ought to at least vaguely open my ears to the talk. And it made sense. Essentially, we do stuff wrong – I had no problem grasping that as a 14‐year‐old lad – and this separates us from God. We can’t sort it ourselves as we’re so flawed and continue to make the same mistakes, so He did it for us. By then the speaker had really caught my attention. When I learnt that Jesus took the rap, forgiving us in

the process, it not only made sense, it struck me as the best deal ever. When the call came, I put up my hand.

I became a Christian at 14 and all was going well, but life has a habit of tripping you up. I took my eye off the ball at 18. Putting all my efforts into sport, girls and changing the initials before my name, my faith remained intact in theory, but in practice I had stopped following God. No Bible, no church and pretty minimal praying led to increasingly bad life decisions and, at 26, the wheels came off.

I was at a medical party stressed out of my head, so I left the crowd and slid into a dark room alone. It was time for God to step into my life again. In my head, clear as day, I sensed Him say, “You’ve gone away from me”. That was it, but He was right and I did Him a deal: sort out my problems and I’ll never leave you again.

And while You’re at it, I need to get the girl (I’d messed up my relationship with Heather three years previously). Within six weeks He had done it all, with Heather agreeing to give me another chance. I knew, conclusively and forever, that there is a God in heaven and that He cares.

That was half a lifetime ago. Keeping my side of the bargain meant no longer living a selfish life. Part of that meant following Him personally, but equally, how could I keep the good news to myself? As a GP in Margate since 1998, I’ve seen drug addicts and alcoholics as well as depressed, anxious and angry people change as they have committed their lives to Christ.

It hasn’t always been easy, and we’ve buried many with faith who didn’t walk away from abusing substances, but once you’ve experienced God in action in people’s lives, you want to see more. I’ve known Him answer prayers for finances and accommodation, bring families back together and even mercifully keep one guilty bloke out of prison when he had gone down eight times previously! Prayer makes a big difference and it’s no exaggeration to say that this stuff gets me up in the morning. So having been in big trouble myself at 26, I knew where to turn when the brown (and red) stuff hit the fan a quarter of a century later.

Anecdotally, I already knew that God answered prayers. That alone would have been enough for me to get on my knees when my cancer was outed. But God had already done me another favour in advance. The previous year I had run into trouble with my professional body after a patient’s mother had complained to the General Medical Council about me talking to her (adult) son about faith in my surgery.

In defending myself, I needed more than personal examples of faith benefitting health

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RICHARD SCOTT and came across thousands of scientific papers, summarised by three American professors. In every area studied, whether relating to mental or physical health, the vast majority of papers showed improvement in health where the patient (or their carers) had an active faith, or at the very least no change. Only a tiny percentage recorded the opposite effect.

And these health benefits weren’t merely limited to minor conditions. For example, faith led to improvement in those admitted with schizophrenia, while those recovering from hip and heart surgery also did better if they were believers.

Statistically, Christians even live longer!

But what about cancer? It has been my problem since 2011 and may be yours in the future, as each one of us Brits alive today currently has a 42% chance of developing an invasive tumour during our lifetimes.

Isn’t it still on the rise?

Hasn’t God turned His back on this one?

And, if not, what evidence is there that He can cope with a disease that probably frightens men and women more than any other?

It’s a big one, and if you’d like to know more, please consult my new book, God, I’ve Got Cancer (available via my email, richard.scott4@nhs.net). Suffice it to say, even though all of us will be aware of friends and maybe family who have succumbed to ‘the big C’, God isn’t impotent here, either!

Cancer arrived in my family out of a clear blue sky. Grateful that it picked on me rather than any of my beautiful girls, it represented not just a major threat to my health and longevity, but challenged my way of thinking. Getting the best medical care was a no‐brainer, but what role might I play in my own future? Was I merely a passive bystander, observing the results of investigations and treatment and just hoping for a good outcome, or was there some way I could influence events?

Right from the beginning I knew the answer.

The Bible tells us that all of our lives are in God’s hands; that He numbers our days and that, when problems arise, there is nothing that exceeds His ability to help us through them. Truly, nothing is impossible for God. When faithful King Hezekiah in Old Testament times learnt that he was dying, he broke down in front of God, who promptly healed him and granted him another 15 years of life. What was true for him could help me too, I figured. So I got praying and asked others to join me.

Only the details have changed over the years.

We’re just as needy now as we ever were. Your

issues will be different from mine, for grey clouds come in different guises. Bad health is but one. Broken families are another.

Addictions such as gambling and porn are a third. Then there are hurts from the past resurfacing. So much can ruin our blue sky mentality.

Fellas, every grey cloud is an opportunity to banish the lie of self‐sufficiency. We’re in trouble and, if we’re honest, we know we need help. Now is the time to turn to Him. It may be for the first time or, like me, life may have got in the way and you need to return after something of a gap. Either way, He’s there just waiting for the handbrake to be taken off, waiting and longing for the prodigal to return.

Waiting for you. n Sorted. Mar/Apr 2014

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KYLE BARNES

HANDS-ON ART

BY JOY TIBBS

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ecent news reports reveal that funding cuts and moves to banish art lessons from schools have had a significant impact on the number of students who are willing or able to pursue art as a career. However, emerging artist Kyle Barnes is testament to the fact that fresh new artistic styles from young people are necessary if the art world is to continue to evolve.

Having graduated in 2010 from the University of Ulster, Belfast, with a BA Honours degree in Fine and Applied Arts, Kyle is already making waves in the art world. As well as winning the Towry prize at the National Open Art Competition, he has exhibited at the Pallant House Gallery in Chichester and the Royal Ulster Academy in Belfast. His work can also be enjoyed by those visiting the Four Seasons Hotel in Dublin.

Kyle’s most recent oil on canvas works depict stark, realist close‐ups of ordinary looking people in extraordinarily detail. Every fold of the skin is emphasised, the expression is carefully captured and the hands in each profile are covered in brightly coloured paint. Sorted caught up with Kyle to find out more about the artist and his craft.

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IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMETHING LIKE ART THERE’S A NEED TO WORK, A NEED TO MAKE MARKS AND HAVE THAT CO-ORDINATION BETWEEN THE VISUAL, THE MIND AND BODY. Has art always been important to you?

I grew up always loving art, or more the ability to capture a likeness of something that was meaningful to me, like my favourite cartoon character. As a child I was always drawing with pencil and using colouring pencils.

Through school it was my favourite subject hands down.

For me, art is something you can lose yourself in.

When you’re involved in a piece of work, your mind goes to many places as you’re working; perhaps related to the subject matter or maybe not. It’s like reading a book or watching a movie. Art takes you on an adventure and each piece is a journey.

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KYLE BARNES The arts can be difficult to excel in. Has this ever put you off?

They can be difficult to excel in from a career point of view.

But if you really love something like art there’s a need to work, a need to make marks and have that co‐ordination between the visual, the mind and body. Nothing can put you off doing something you love and for me art is like that. I do art firstly to satisfy that need within myself, and if people like the result then it’s a bonus.

How did university help you hone your skills?

The best thing about university was being able to share a working space with other creative people. I really enjoyed walking in each day and having a look at what else was going on. It was the first time that I was in an environment with that amount of visual creativity, and that was great to feed off.

It was great to talk to other painters and share things about the technical aspects of painting. It was like a community, and as one person figured out a better way of doing something you were able to learn from that.

Tell us about the Towry Prize. How did it feel to win?

Winning the Towry Prize came about through hearing about The National Open Art Competition online. This is an open competition where you can enter your work, which will then face a panel of judges before being selected or rejected to go into the exhibition.

I find it exciting to show with other great artists, and entering competitions like this is a great platform and a great way to have your work shown in places where it has lots of exposure. Getting selected is the greatest feeling, but in this case I got an email stating that I had won the Towry Prize for the best work from Northern Ireland as well.

Something like this gives you confidence in your work and that you’re touching people with it. That’s an amazing feeling. For each painting I spend two or three weeks with it in the studio with no one else seeing it, it’s just mine. When it’s finished I release it out into the world, and when it touches people in some way it just means so much.

What other work-related highs have you experienced to date?

After winning the Towry prize, the same painting (Bill and Ben) was then selected to be shown in the prestigious Pallant House Gallery. Every sale is a high because, as I was saying before about spending weeks with each piece and it becoming a part of you, when you show it to people and they get something from it, it makes it all the more worthwhile.

For someone to put their money into it and buy it is such a compliment, and for me it’s a friend made as well, as very often I get to know the person quite well and keep in contact afterwards.

How would you describe your style?

My style probably falls into photorealism, but for me I just try my best to capture someone’s personality in my portraits as much as anything else. That’s what makes a good portrait: when you can look at a piece of work and say that it looks like the subject, but that it also is them in terms of their expression, their soul and how they hold themselves.

I love working with paint and letting it stay true to its properties. I’m not trying to make the paint appear to be something it’s not or another material. I allow the viewer to see my brushstrokes and the craftsmanship of my work.

Up close you can see how I’ve blended and manipulated the paint. You can see where one brushstroke stops and another one starts. Then, as you move further away and look at the painting from a distance, it comes together to create a harmony of f Sorted. Mar/Apr 2014

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KYLE BARNES How do you choose your subjects?

I’m drawn to great faces that have lived and seen the world; people that have a story to tell and that have a wealth of experience. Very often they will be people I know and am close to. People that I love.

I think this makes a difference in the work. When you know someone it’s easier to show that on canvas. I love how light plays off the face and shows its structure. I’m very interested in the texture of our skin and how I can translate that with paint.

Does your Christian faith affect your work?

My love for people affects each painting I do. I love listening to people and hearing about the experiences they’ve had in their lives. In many ways I’m capturing the journey a person has had up until that point; the events that have made them who they are; the experiences that have shaped their faces.

God has given me my talent and it’s my duty to bring Him glory through that in doing work to the best of the abilities He has given. That’s what I focus on and I let Him steer my career as an artist in the way that He knows best.

I have found that He opens each door of opportunity in His time and at the right time. He tells us to seek Him first and all the other things will be added unto us.

tonal value and colour. It becomes more than paint; it becomes your subject, which has personality and presence. That’s the magic of paint.

Where do you draw your inspiration from?

I draw inspiration from many artists, both past and present: Alyssa Monks, David Kassan and Eloy Morales and other great contemporary figurative painters. I also love all the classics like Rembrandt, Caravaggio and Da Vinci. I love the old masters’ use of light and dark and the dramatic, exaggerated poses. I look to modern painters for their use of colour and particularly composition.

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What are your long-term hopes and dreams?

I would love to show my work in London – that would be a great next move – but we’ll see what the future holds. As I said, it’s in God’s hands. I just want people to enjoy or even be inspired by the work, and for it to give them even a little of what it gives to me. n Joy is a freelance editor and writer (www.joyofediting.co.uk), with experience ranging from websites and magazines to dissertations and books. She is an active member of her local church, a staunch Liverpool supporter and a big fan of baked goods.

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JESUS SAVES RACING

Resurrection of aVision

BY ALVIN DAVIES

The time: April 30, 1978.

The place: Nürburgring, The Eifel mountains, Germany.

The event: European Formula Two Championship, round three.

T

he smell of burnt fuel hangs in the atmosphere, mingled with the tang of hot rubber. The distant shrill of revs rising and falling echoes through the Eifel mountain air.

In the blink of an eye, three modern gladiators erupt onto the scene at 170mph, nose to tail, jostling out of time while screaming in unison. The whine of racing gearboxes combines with the song of finely tuned two‐litre engines. The revs fall towards calm for a few seconds as the brakes heat through, only for the lull to be interrupted by the rhythmic barking of exhausts with each heel‐and‐toe down change. Engines spit and pop on the overrun as tongues of fire lick from the now disappearing tailpipes.

The tightest of battles on the longest, toughest and most glorious of tracks is on. Formula One won’t even venture here; not since Niki Lauda’s horrific fiery Ferrari crash of ’76. This ultimate driving experience now remains the ultimate challenge for the Formula One‐ hungry drivers of the Formula Two fraternity.

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Two of the three men in view would go on to become household names in the years that followed. Keke Rosberg (father of Nico) would become the 1982 F1 World Champion driving a Williams, while Eddie Cheever would progress to race Grand Prix for more than ten years and would become the USA’s ‘most capped’ F1 driver. But the man in front is quite different…

The cars leave the scene for another 14 miles: 7 minutes and 20 seconds. The revs fade, but the aroma and tension lingers.

The image of the cars in their bright liveries is impressed upon the minds of each of the 100,000 spectators long after the cars have vanished. The logos are distinct as the innocent graphics of the day are bold, plain, bright and brash. The cars of Rosberg (Chevron‐ Hart) and Cheever (March‐BMW) declare their drivers to be well funded, but the leader in the blood red March 782 Hart wears the most distinctive colours and ‘sponsorship’ of all: “Jesus Saves”. The driver’s name?

Alex Dias Ribeiro.

The three burst into view for the final time. They are so close now that they move fully as one: front wings tucked under rear wings, noses on gearboxes. Ribeiro holds his position by the slimmest of margins as the chequered flag falls on the line. Alex punches the air to claim the race of his life and the Jesus Saves team takes the win of the year against all odds. Just three‐fifths of a second cover the top three.

The previous year, Alex had climbed to the heady heights of F1 with the March team and it certainly hadn’t been easy to decide which team would bring the best opportunities. March had won the season before with Ronnie Peterson and its offer was attractive, but Bernie Ecclestone, who owned Brabham, also had an offer on the table.

In the end, it was clear that the March deal was the right one based on current results and pay, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Brabham went on to become unstoppable for a time in the following years. Alex was the best driver at March in ’77, but his sponsors lost interest and the team hierarchy chose to blame the drivers instead of their poor car.

A brief return to F1 materialised for Alex with the Fittipaldi team in 1979 and, while Alex no doubt enjoyed racing with and for his double world champion friend Emerson, he would not return to the pinnacle of

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JESUS SAVES RACING motorsport again as a driver. He later served as the first driver of the F1 medical car alongside F1’s legendary pioneering doctor, neurosurgeon Sid Watkins.

However, it was during the years spent climbing to the top of motorsport’s tough career ladder that Alex founded and established a unique racing phenomenon: Jesus Saves Racing.

As Alex had returned to Formula 1 in ’79, it fell to his younger brother Fernando to take over the Jesus Saves team driving duties as an emerging talent in the more junior category of Formula Ford. The season was good for Fernando. He won regularly and finished second in the RAC championship. In fact, Fernando impressed so much that he was offered a European Formula Ford drive with Royale for 1980 and a deal was struck that would mean that the Jesus Saves logos would again be his prime ‘sponsor’. But 1980 came and went, and by the season’s end that autumn Fernando and Alex returned to Brazil with their professional racing days behind them.

Alex had grown tired of the fight to stay in the F1 circus with its constant demand to find sponsorship. Fernando had again been mighty and finished the year on the brink of taking the European Formula Ford crown, only to find himself in an irresolvable dispute with his team boss Pat Symonds. A few points in the final round at Hockenheim would have given him the crown, but with the dispute unresolved Fernando refused to get in the car. He finished third in the championship, but the pressure cooker of racing had taken its toll on both brothers. Alex moved on towards business, while ill health forced Fernando out.

FOR ALEX, THE JESUS SAVES LOGO WAS A DECISION AND A LIFE CHOICE. IT WAS THE ULTIMATE THING HE BELIEVED IN. After three glorious years, the Jesus Saves team shut up shop and sold their workshop lease on Unit 5a Silverstone to a designer and race car constructor by the name of Richard Owen. The Ribeiros headed for Brazil, while their trusted mechanic Alastair MacQueen embraced the sanctuary of consistent work with March Cars in Bicester. The Jesus Saves name had flourished during those three seasons, but in reality it had been years in the making.

Alex Ribeiro had started out racing in 1967 in a sports clubman car built from his father’s wrecked VW Beetle.

With this car (dubbed ‘the ugly duckling’), he and a bunch of friends were able to race Brazil’s motorsport elite. In their homebuilt special, they played the Alfas, Porsches and Alpine Renaults at their own game.

Each car Alex subsequently drove displayed the distinct Jesus Saves script logo. Sometimes the logo was seen alongside perfume, oil, fuel, bank and cigarette logos, but Jesus Saves was always on Alex’s cars. It became a permanent part of the deals he brokered with the teams he drove for. It featured on his one‐off sports cars, on his kart when he won the Brazilian Karting Championship in ’70 and ’71 (when his mechanic was none other than eventual three‐times world F1 champion Nelson Piquet), and it was on his title‐winning Formula Ford in 1973. It appeared on the F3 and F2 winning cars he raced in the UK, and ultimately it was on his March 771 F1 car in 1977.

However, the Jesus Saves logo was never a pay ticket or a sponsor’s cheque, like the other brands. It never brought in a penny. For Alex, the Jesus Saves logo was a decision and a life choice. It was the ultimate thing he believed in.

Alex’s approach was quite unique in the world of sports, in which people often go to excessive lengths to

Alex Ribeiro leads Keke Rosberg and Eddie Cheever at Nurburgring in 1978.

win. Of course, there have been far too many cases where Olympic fair play has been marred by the desperate. From drugs in track and field to storing blood in the fridge in cycling, the desire for success, achievement and recognition has at times been extreme.

Motorsport itself has had its fair share of those who have confused the competitive spirit. For instance, motor racing’s governing body has taken disciplinary action against Pat Symonds and Flavio Briatore in relation to the orchestrated winning of the 2008 Singapore Grand Prix involving Piquet Junior at Renault, as well as with Michael Schumacher for pushing Jacques Villeneuve off when a title could have been gained.

These are clear examples of when the grasp on reality has been overtaken by a grasp for success.

Compared with this ‘sporting’ mindset, Alex Ribeiro’s approach to sponsorship becomes a most unique proposition, because to place any faith‐based logo alongside a secular sponsor’s branding risks losing those partners altogether, and sponsorship is motorsport’s life blood.

However, faith came before winning for the Brazilian and Alex saw Jesus Saves as an intrinsic extension of himself. It was something he didn’t want to divide from his own name on the side of the car. Jesus Saves was as good as his own life blood, rather than being a choice of whether a sponsor could be gained by leaving it off the car.

On returning to Brazil, Alex and Fernando got stuck into the world of business: Fernando within computing and Alex initially in farming. Fernando would eventually settle and race successfully once again in California; however, Alex’s jojoba farm went south with a terrible first year as his crops were attacked and blighted.

From this position, Alex was able to step onto a whole different path towards Christian sports ministry and chaplaincy. He had competed in that high‐pressure world, where to win means a career and to lose means a possible loss of work and future. He knew the pressure, the highs and the lows, and this way he could help others in their own walk, sport and faith.

The rest is history, and more than 30 years on Alex has pastored and mentored countless athletes, soccer players and race car drivers, and he still does. He has been chaplain to the Christian players in the Brazilian football team through four World Cups and has seen his players grasp the joy of winning two of them (USA, 1994; Japan/Korea, 2002) as well as the comparative despair of losing to France in the World Cup final in 1998.

The work continues. And so does Jesus Saves… f

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JESUS SAVES RACING

The time: February 2012 The place: Oxford, England.

The event: The common British cold (or so-called man flu)

So, I’m sitting at my computer full of flu, my head is stuffed with chutney and my brains have turned to mush.

I’m a ‘mature’ student training in theology and ministry; a someday would‐be pastor. I have a stack to do, essays coming at me each week and exams to revise for.

But I can’t think straight and I find myself surfing the net to look for Alex and Fernando’s original Jesus Saves cars from the late ’70s. I’m calling people and leaving posts on web forums. I’m chasing chassis numbers. I’m building each car’s history of ownership to trace its path to a current owner.

As I search, I stop for a moment and find myself asking, ‘Why have I turned into a ‘train spotter’ that collects chassis numbers and a motorsport anorak, to boot? This is not me.’ Yet somewhere in my chutney head I register that something is going on; this is not just the Lemsip talking.

Eventually I locate both Alex’s old March F2 car and Fernando’s Formula Ford, but now this doesn’t seem as important as contacting Jesus Saves’ founder and pioneer to seek out a growing idea.

My own path to retraining for Christian chaplaincy and ministry had also passed through a stint of racing. For a few years I had lived the single‐seater ‘dream’ before lack of money blocked my pathway to the next level of speed and complexity (well, we always say it was the money, anyway!).

As I raced I always kept Alex’s idea of a Jesus Saves car with me. For me, the logo also seemed like an extension of all that I am and believe, yet I just couldn’t seem to see how to use it as a self‐expression of my faith. Cars move fast and I was neither on TV nor in magazines, but maybe that was just a poor excuse because I was out there. My car was well prepared and I was doing the best I could on the budget I had. I could have done it, but I didn’t.

I looked out the window of my ivory tower at the street so full of life, seeing so many people going about their daily tasks. I felt stifled, stuffed up and dead inside, but at the same time I was crying out to join the hustle and bustle of the outside world.

My fingers darted across the keyboard as I decided to track Alex Ribeiro down and ask him if he had ever considered restarting Jesus Saves; restarting as a team that would have the prime purpose of empowering motor racers with faith to share it with that fast‐moving world outside my tower.

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My rationale? I am a firm believer in shared experience. The view from the top of a mountain means so much more when there is someone to experience it with. Surely humanity was meant to share and not to be alone? A walk of faith is just the same. This is something for me that, like Alex and Fernando, I have found so important and vital in the big questions of life. It has to overflow to others. I just can’t get selfish about it.

A week or so passed and Alex replied saying that he had forwarded my message to a number of original members of the team and that he would feed back to me. A meeting followed months later on the Monday after the 2012 British Grand Prix, when Alex was in the UK. It was clear that everyone was intrigued but cautious. These guys had been in motorsport for the previous 30 to 40 years and they knew a thing or two.

I looked around the room and saw Alex Ribeiro, Alastair MacQueen and Richard and Dorothy Owen.

These folk knew of the struggle to make Jesus Saves happen with limited funds and they were being wise; taking time to pause and discern before jumping in. I was the young upstart, the mad visionary, but I was not so alone.

Adriano Medeiros was also there. I knew Adriano was a Christian believer who was a pro driver in motor racing. I also knew that he put Jesus Saves on his car, helmet and overalls whenever he could. I was keen to get his story.

It turned out that more than ten years earlier Adriano had gone to a meeting at Brazil’s Interlagos circuit in his home city of São Paulo. He went there to seek out Alex Ribeiro and Emerson Fittipaldi and was keen to get their patronage for his driving career. Alex told Adriano that he didn’t have any money for his career, but that he would tell him about Jesus Saves.

WE WERE RETURNING TO THE TIME AND PLACE THAT FERNANDO HAD RACED IN; THE PLACE WHERE THE ORIGINAL TEAM HAD LEFT OFF. It wasn’t exactly what Adriano was hoping for, or what he thought he needed, but looking back Adriano would say that he received something money could never buy. He carried on attending the Interlagos meetings and, while he never saw Alex or Emerson there again, he did discover a lasting faith for himself.

By January 2013, Jesus Saves had a plan and a crew. We were pushing forward and we were going to compete ‘in period’. Historic races such as the Goodwood Revival and the Silverstone Classic have become increasingly popular, so it seemed apt to embrace the retro aspect of Jesus Saves’ past and race in Classic Formula Ford for pre‐1982 cars. We were returning to the time and place that Fernando had raced in; the place where the original team had left off.

Again, as they say, the rest is history. We won the championship in our first year… just! With Adriano driving, Richard Owen as chief engineer and Dan Fox as our trusty race mechanic, we got there. We had mirrored Alex’s own F2 journey in 1978, when the season started with limited funds. We just had to trust that the money would come from somewhere. Along the way we were able to share the logo and message with folks at the track, with individuals who brought friends, on Motors TV and in the national motorsport press.

The 2013 revival certainly featured twists along the way.

For the team members, new and old, it was a fight to keep going. Sponsors came and joined in, individuals gave and amazingly other Christian drivers joined the show. By the end of the season, not only had Adriano

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JESUS SAVES RACING won the national Classic Formula Ford title, but other cars emblazoned with the logo were winning in different categories. Brazilian Felipe Guimarães finished fourth in his first season of British Formula Three with two wins, while reigning 1100cc British Hillclimb champion Gary Thomas had taken the British Sprint 1600cc class championship and Leandro Geudes had won the Brazilian Formula 1.6 Light championship.

What can I say at the end of a season like that? Well, what a vision Alex Ribeiro originally had. I’m so glad that we blew the dust off it and got it fired up once again.

People keep talking about the future of Jesus Saves.

Well, we will be out there on the track as we go out and meet people where they’re at. We will keep working with churches, ministries and individuals. We want to be able to have better hospitality to receive more guests. We certainly look forward to more wins and quicker formulae, but we would never want to take victory for granted. As our engineer Richard Owen says: “Winning is really difficult, losing is really easy.”

However, what we want to do most of all is share the Jesus Saves logo and message so that we can give others the opportunity to embrace its meaning for themselves and to find its true worth. n

An Interview with Alex Ribeiro JASON COURAGE ASKS THE QUESTIONS…

Which Formula 1 team did you most want to drive for and why?

Ferrari, because of the history of the Commendatore Enzo and his passion for motor racing and to produce racing cars.

What was the March F1 like to drive?

The 761 in 1977 with the 1977 tyres was the worst car I ever drove.

What was Max Mosley like as a team boss?

He didn’t have a clue about the technical side of the job and how to deal with his drivers.

What was the Hesketh like to drive?

It was a very predictable and easy car to drive, but it was already out of date when I drove it.

How was Bubbles Horsley as a team boss?

Great fun and a trustworthy guy to work with.

What was the principal reason for the lack of points scored during your Formula 1 career?

Lack of a competitive car.

Why did you not look in your wing mirror before opening the car door at the Brazilian Grand Prix in 2002?

Because I was already parked at the left side edge of the track, and I didn’t expected Nick Heidfeld on the grass at full speed under a red flag sign.

What car did you enjoy driving most outside Formula 1 and why?

The Fittipaldi Cosworth F5, because it was a very predictable car despite not having ground effect due to the fact that it was a few years old when I drove it in Imola 1979.

The best racing car I ever enjoyed driving was the Jesus Saves March 782 Hart, because it had superb handling and was fast!

But above all, because of the Jesus Saves message that it carried across the European circuits and around the world through the media.

Which track did you like the most?

The old Nürburgring in Germany, where I won the race of my life [1978 in JSR March 782].

What advice can you give you aspiring F1 drivers nowadays?

If you have a talent to play football, go for it! It is much easier and more profitable.

No, seriously, start with karting at the age of 11. If you haven’t become a winner by 15, try another sport. If you are wining and sure that you have the talent, then be prepared for a full commitment, focus, perseverance, hard work, determination, a lot of faith and a good sponsor to support your escalation to the top.

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BUSINESS

CHARLES HUMPHREYS

We’re in Business

coach, I seriously questioned my ability to carry on!

Jesus told a number of parables that involved the master going away and leaving his servant behind in charge of his affairs. Is that where you find yourself today? Do you feel that God has given you a set of instructions to follow and has then disappeared? When I lost my job, I remember thinking that it wasn’t part of the agreement I had with God. To put it mildly, I felt abandoned.

Psalm 35:17 says: “O Lord, how long will you look on?”

And that’s the problem. When we go through difficulties, we can feel that God has let us down and, even worse, that He’s up there looking on and not doing anything useful to help out. I know that it’s not just me who sometimes feels like this. I’m in good company, because it was David himself who wrote the words of this psalm.

The truth is that, despite your difficulties, God loves you and has a definite plan for your life. It involves you developing qualities that you may not view as a priority at this present moment: good character, faith, trust and perseverance. God’s ‘departure’ from your challenging issue is by design and is necessary for you to develop.

So, what can you do to persevere until God is ready to bring about a change in your circumstances? In verse 28 of the same psalm, David managed to keep going by speaking out positive words about God and His promises.

This goes way beyond having a positive mindset. If this was all we required, why would we need God to intervene? We could just ‘positive think’ our way out!

WHEN WE GO THROUGH DIFFICULTIES, WE CAN FEEL THAT GOD HAS LET US DOWN.

Still Hanging On?

H

ow did you get on with your New Year’s resolutions? I rarely make them, because when the realities of life kick in my good intentions are often kicked straight out! However, there are some things in life that you just can’t quit. You have no choice but to carry on. Winston Churchill said: “If you’re going through hell, keep going”, and this comment had deep significance for a war‐ ravaged Great Britain.

There have been several occasions in my life

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when I have felt like an athlete who, expecting to hear the bell for the final lap, is waved on to do an additional one, and then some.

Unemployment or being stuck in the wrong job can feel just like that. Your energy reserves and perseverance drop with every stride.

When faced with a situation that appears to have no end, how is it possible for us not only to carry on, but to do so with energy and the expectation that things will eventually change? It’s the million‐dollar question, isn’t it? When I ended up signing on at the Job Centre where I had previously worked as a

One of the effects of our being made in God’s image is that the words we speak have the potential to release life. David spoke out truths about God: about His ability to turn situations around and provide for us. The Bible is full of examples. Now, this is the really interesting bit.

God is watching and listening for His word to be spoken (Jeremiah 1:12) and, when He hears it spoken in faith, the Bible tells us that He begins to put it into action. Our words can release God’s promises (for a job and many other things) into our lives.

David had his back against the wall, but it didn’t end there for him, and neither does it for you. David encouraged himself by recalling God’s promises. When He eventually brought about the release, David was still hanging on and, importantly, was in position to receive what God released. Will you still be hanging on? n Charles is an experienced careers coach and founder of Christian‐based careers coaching service Want2get on? (www.want2geton.co.uk), which offers one‐on‐one careers counselling, workshops and seminars. He wrote The Christian Guide to Jobs and Careers (www.hope4acareer.com), is a busy dad of three young boys and husband to an overworked doctor. He also leads the men’s ministry at Oasis Church in Colliers Wood.

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BUSINESS

STUART RIVERS

Making Your Mark

The Crowd is Louder than Ever!

M

ost businesses would claim that profitability and shareholder value are essential foundations of good business. But where does social responsibility and sustainability fit into the high‐performing business model?

Many firms subscribe to the (inconclusive) school of thought that corporate social responsibility (CSR) works against good business because it diverts profit away from projects that deliver business growth. However, research conducted over the past decade proposes that “CSR can be more than just a cost, constraint or charitable deed” (Harvard Business Review: Strategy and Society, 2007).

I don’t know about you, but I am increasingly finding that companies of all shapes and sizes want to be seen as intrinsically good. The public expects this today, even though many companies fall short of good practice in their value chains. If you watch television ads, you’ll find plenty of examples of those who desperately want to appear to be good (see if you can spot them). But what does it mean to be intrinsically good? And can it be done at a strategic level in a way that makes good business sense?

Companies who approach CSR strategically have the potential to innovate, create new opportunities and solve longstanding social or environmental problems in the process. One example is Toyota, which responded to public concern about emissions and spurned other manufacturers to invest in low‐emission hybrid motoring. Toyota now licenses the technology to other carmakers, making it the world leader in this technology.

Bottled water company Belu donates 100% of its profits to WaterAid to fund clean water projects. It is 100% carbon neutral and is doing good business by supplying a long list of businesses, hotels, bars and restaurants.

Salesforce.com, a leading software‐as‐a‐ service (SaaS) company, has a CSR commitment that is easy to measure and difficult to question. Its policy is to give 1% of its profit (in the form of products), 1% of its employees’ time, and 1% of its equity to charities and other non‐profit organisations.

I work with many companies in the shipping industry that operate similar CSR models to Salesforce.com, committing a proportion of profits to ‘doing good’ within their supply chains or within the communities in which they operate, or looking for volunteering opportunities for their staff.

There is a positive attitude when it comes to working with non‐profits to create a sustainable business that gives something back to society. And there appears to be a keen and growing appetite for social and environmental projects that enable companies in the shipping industry to meet CSR objectives in an authentic way.

COMPANIES OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES WANT TO BE SEEN AS INTRINSICALLY GOOD The point is that good business can also be good for society. In fact, if a business is bad for society, then human instinct tells me that it is not good business at all. And it’s those companies – the ones that have little or no regard for people and the environment and every regard for profit – that attract attention from campaigners. There are endless examples today.

Companies cannot work independently of the society in which they operate, because society forms part of the supply and the demand chain. This means that society – or the crowd – has a vested interest in any business it interacts with and, even more crucially, can impact the successes and failures of that business.

In this socially connected age, the crowd is even more important. Admittedly, it always has been important, but now the crowd has a corporate voice that is louder than it has ever

been. What’s more, the crowd wants to interact with businesses, both in supporting innovation and new ideas through crowd funding and through campaigning against bad business practice.

Social media, crowd sourcing/funding, instant media coverage and the crowd’s refusal to accept collateral damage to human rights and the environment prove that companies need to consider how to integrate social responsibility into their business models in order to thrive.

This may have been a subject of discussion for many decades within the business world, but in competitive markets where differentiation is vital, CSR could be the way to sustainable growth and customer loyalty alongside innovation and value creation.

At the end of the day, the heart of success for any business is the opportunity to meet unique customer needs: the value proposition.

And the most strategic of CSR propositions occur when customer and social need is met as part of the same process. It’s an approach that can attract new and loyal customers, generate positive PR and produce answers to complex social and environmental issues. This really is good business! n An entrepreneur with a background in marketing and business development, Stuart was recently appointed chief executive of Sailors’ Society, a Christian charity serving the needs of merchant seafarers. He previously spent 15 years at Ericsson, progressing to the role of commercial director in Sweden, before being appointed executive director of Bible Society in 2009. Stuart is a former Salvation Army officer whose parents are commissioners; his great uncle was private secretary to General William Booth. He is married to Carey and has six children and two grandchildren.

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BUSINESS

MATT BIRD

Relationology

Why You Need a Mentor

H

omer’s The Odyssey tells the story of Odysseus: a king who goes to war not knowing whether he will return. He was concerned for the future of his son Telemachus, so he decided to entrust his nurture and development to a friend and trusted adviser, Mentor.

While the origins of the mentor concept are ancient, the need we all have for a mentor or mentors is timeless. There are five reasons why I believe you need a mentor.

Reason 1: mentors guide you Mentoring is generally a relationship with long‐ term intent; sometimes lifelong. It tends to focus on the mentor imparting wisdom, insight and guidance to the mentee. By contrast, coaching has more modern origins, which are focused on a specific assignment and outcome over a defined period of time. It is largely non‐ directive and is about helping the coachee find the resources from within themselves to meet their challenges and opportunities.

You make constant decisions about the way you should go. Being without a mentor can leave you at sea without any navigator charts and instruments. The value of having a mentor is that there is someone who can guide you in those daily decisions, especially the big ones.

Reason 2: mentors believe in you Ultimately, a mentor is someone who believes in you more than you believe in yourself. This belief encourages you to have the confidence to do things that you might not otherwise do. A mentor who believes in you in this way might be a member of your family, a friend or a colleague at work.

As Henry Ford said: “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you are probably right.” The power of the belief others have in you – and consequently the belief you have in yourself – transforms your prospects, circumstances and achievements.

You cannot afford to be without a mentor who believes in you.

Reason 3: mentors sponsor you The Chelsea Flower Show, the Queen’s Club Championships (tennis), The X Factor, the London Marathon and Boris Bikes share something in common… they all have a sponsor. A sponsor whose name and associated resources enable the event, competition or project to happen when it could not take place without them.

Just as events, competitions and projects need sponsors, so people need sponsors to enable them to do what they might not otherwise be able to do. Mentors can open

doors of opportunity, support your promotion, introduce you to key people, advance your personal development and refer your services. Mentors are sponsors.

Reason 4: mentors make you self-aware One of the first businesses I ever started had a profound, meaningful and (so I thought) memorable name. The problem was that no one could pronounce or spell the name, which meant it was extremely difficult to google, challenging to write in an email and impossible to take a telephone message easily.

It still makes me chuckle now, although it wasn’t funny at the time. The name was Autopoiesis (I had to check how to spell it in the dictionary as I wrote it then!), ‘auto’ meaning ‘self’ and ‘poiesis’ meaning ‘becoming’ or ‘creating’, so together it means ‘self‐becoming’.

Mentors make you more self‐aware on the journey as you become the best possible version of yourself. A mentor can hold up a mirror that will help you see yourself more accurately. Sometimes you can kid yourself about who you really are and the impact you have on others. Mentors can help you become more self‐aware and assist you on the journey of self‐appreciation and self‐becoming.

Reason 5: mentors are your role models The law of unconscious assimilation states that: “We become like the people we spend most frequent and meaningful time with.”

This is true, whether for good or for bad.

Human beings are porous. We learn most through the process of osmosis and absorption. We acquire the traits and characteristics of the people we spend the most time with. Mentors span time and space.

They can be historical or contemporary figures, unknown public figures or personal friends. Whether close or distant, a mentee somehow gets inside the heart and head of the mentor.

Mentors have the greatest impact on their mentee through their role modelling and example. So choose mentors you want to become like and spend frequent and meaningful time with them.

Who are the people that you aspire to become like and how are you going to spend more time with them this year? n Matt Bird helps leaders and organisations build the relationships they need to achieve greater success. He is a keynote speaker, trainer and coach. To read his weekly relationship insights, visit www.relationology.co.uk.

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BUSINESS

MARTIN CARTER

Bolder & Boulder

Too Good to be True?

B

ack in October, controversial street artist Banksy completed a month‐long residency in New York.

Alongside his trademark, stencilled graffiti art, he filled a slaughterhouse truck with stuffed animals, had a boy in rags polish Ronald McDonald’s shoes and converted a delivery truck into a mobile garden, complete with waterfall.

His most fascinating installation, however, was his anonymous stall in Central Park, where he sold signed copies of his most famous works, which are apparently worth about £20,000 each, for just £38.

With his other stunts making headline news, these trademark pieces sold out in minutes, right? Not quite. The stallholder sold just eight

canvases the whole day; four of them to a bloke from Chicago. So why did thousands of people pass up the opportunity to buy a piece of famous art for a fraction of its value?

Not for the first time in my life, I think beer might hold the answer. Specifically Stella Artois and its ‘Reassuringly Expensive’ advertising slogan on this occasion. Stella’s campaign played to our inbuilt belief that quality doesn’t come cheap and Banksy’s stall showed how this deep‐ seated belief affects our judgement.

Many of the passersby would have recognised the images as iconic Banksy, but at £38 they were simply not reassuringly expensive enough for them to believe that they could be the real thing, so onlookers dismissed them as fake and walked on by. Even the three people who did stop and buy didn’t, it seems, believe that they

were buying genuine Banksy pieces. Otherwise, they would have bought up the whole store, right? They just liked the pieces enough to pay £38 for them.

Nonetheless, whether by good luck or good judgement, there’s a bloke in Chicago sitting on £80,000 worth of Banksy, which he picked up for just £152. I hope I’m not the only bloke whose first thought on hearing this story is that he would be a nightmare drinking buddy. Can you imagine trying to top that little anecdote?!

Which got me thinking. During Lent we reflect on the life of a man who willingly submitted himself to a barbaric death and then rose again to offer us freedom from sin and death, and freedom to be the people God made us to be. All for free. It costs us nothing, yet offers everything. Surely that trumps bargain graffiti art?

Which leads to an uncomfortable question: if it does, why don’t I share my good news story more often? You can bet that the guy from Chicago is still dining out on his.

STELLA’S CAMPAIGN PLAYED TO OUR INBUILT BELIEF THAT QUALITY DOESN’T COME CHEAP. I’ve got loads of mates, family members and colleagues who need to hear it from me. We can’t leave it to others, because Jesus’ offer isn’t reassuringly expensive. It’s disturbingly cheap and we only buy cheap if someone we trust reassures us that it’s the real deal.

Banksy’s stall was a one‐off, while Jesus sets his stall out for each and every one of us every single day. Are you going to let your mates walk past the most incredible, life‐changing offer without giving it a second glance? n Martin Carter has a wife, three children and a desire to become more like the bloke God made him to be. He starts each day vowing to be bolder in his faith and the rest of it tripping up on all the boulders that get in the way. Writing about it helps him remember where he buried them (the boulders, not the family!). You can contact him at martin@bolderandboulder.com.

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BUSINESS

MARTIN THOMAS

Collective Action

Networking: More Than a Bunch of Blokes in a Bar?

W

hen someone mentions the word ‘networking’, what immediately springs to mind?

Corridor conversations, conferences with coffee on tap, or managers off on ‘another jolly’ while everyone else gets on with the ‘real work’?

The word increasingly seems to divide opinion; with some almost evangelistic in their zeal to share the value of networking and others jaded from the endless jaw‐jaw and perceived lack of real outcomes. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it is often men who end up in the first group; only too happy to find another pretext to travel, to listen to their own voices in the conference hall and again at the bar.

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The organisation I work for was founded on a different premise: that by working together we achieve far more than we ever could on our own. In Viva’s case, this means ‘lasting change for children’, demonstrated in the way our partner network in the Philippines responded to Typhoon Haiyan.

The collective response of churches and organisations based across the affected area was only realised through a network platform that has taken years of nurturing to build. The result? An immediate, well‐coordinated and powerful local response that has the capacity to continue for years to come.

What I like about networking is that it’s a verb, and verbs – as we were all taught at school – are ‘doing words’. What I don’t like is

when the ‘ing’ bit becomes an end in itself, never creating the context for it to grow up to become a noun: in this case a network.

Because networks can be inspiring when they focus on collective action, like in the Philippines, and may even have the power to change lives.

Reflecting on 20 years of networking, mainly within the voluntary sector, here are my three quick tips to help you make better use of your own opportunities: n Be strategic in how, with whom and where you spend your time n Be intentional in your focus on the desired outcomes n Be relational in your approach, balancing the formal with the informal And next time you’re tempted to say, “I’m off networking”, why not stop and think first about what you are really hoping to achieve and communicate that instead? n Martin Thomas heads up Viva’s mobilisation offices in the UK, North America and Hong Kong (www.viva.org/invest).

He is a writer, a trustee of The Bless Network and a novice barista. He and his family live in Witney, Oxfordshire.

Viva – together for children Unit 8, The Gallery, 54 Marston Street, Oxford, OX4 1LF, UK Registered Charity No. 1053389 Registered in England No. 3162776

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Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

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ADVICE

SMART TALK

With Dr Richard Scott, Jojo Meadows and Richard Taylor OUR EXPERTS

Sponsored by Christian Single Mix

Going It Alone

Richard Scott has worked as a surgeon, GP and evangelist in England, India and parts of Africa. His wife Heather is also a doctor and the couple have three daughters. Sport is a passion for Richard, interspersed more recently with writing, which developed during treatment for bowel cancer.

Jojo Meadows is passionate about spreading God’s word in an original way. She trained as a counsellor and helped to run a crisis centre in Solihull before being headhunted

by Connexions to develop courses for senior schools.

Jojo has been through many life-changing experiences including anorexia, teenage pregnancy, rape and cervical cancer. This motivated her to help others who are struggling through difficult circumstances.

Founding pastor of Victory Church in Cwmbran, Richard Taylor is a church leader and author. For many years, Richard has been impacting lives with his down-to-earth humour, passion and genuine love for God and people. Along with his wife Jill and their four sons, Richard founded the church in January 2010 and it has since grown into a vibrant congregation.

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After five years of being together, my wife has left me and our two very young children. I am finding it very hard to cope with day-to-day life and find myself snapping at the kids. The worst thing for me is that I’m completely on my own.

JM There are so many other

people in your situation, so I don’t want you to feel completely alone. It’s very hard being a single parent, but there is hope. Many organisations and charities (including www.gingerbread.org.uk, www.lone‐parents.org.uk and

I feel guilty all the time, even when people are trying to be nice to me. This frustrates people, which makes me feel more guilty. This has gone on for about six months now and is getting worse. Is this normal for a teenager, and how can I feel less guilty?

Guilt is an emotional experience associated with feeling responsible for some kind of wrongdoing. It sounds like you have a guilt complex. Try listing all of the positive and negative

JM

www.dadshouse.co.uk) support single parents. I think the first port of call is to talk to close relatives. Be transparent with them and allow them to rally around and support you.

RS Presuming the split is

irrevocable, all seems lost, but it isn’t. You can’t (and shouldn’t attempt to) cope alone, but there are two things in your favour. First, you still have friends and family. Open up to them, ask for help (even babysitting) and do stuff with them. Secondly, you need a new family. And I don’t mean grab the nearest chick off

the street! My church is full of split families. That doesn’t make it perfect, but a good church will provide friends who can become your new family.

Loneliness hurts; we were never created to be alone.

Friends and other close relatives are important at a time like this.

Remember that your kids are probably hurting too. Sometimes focusing on the needs of others, in your case the children, can help in coping with day‐to‐day life. It’s not going to be easy, but make a choice to be an amazing dad. You can find great fulfilment in doing so.

RT

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ADVICE

What should I say to my girlfriend if I want us to get out more and she won’t? We’ve been together two years and only really go out and have fun once every six months. How can I get her out of the house to have a good night out?

JM Why don’t you offer to take

her out for a pampering day?

Whether she is self‐conscious, feels vulnerable or simply can’t be bothered, any woman will be enticed by a pamper day! And she will want to show off her new glamorous self, meaning that a day out can naturally turn into a night out. Bribery all the way!

Tricky one! It sounds like she’s a home‐loving introvert who may lack confidence. One positive is that she’s clearly very secure in your company, albeit at the expense of a wider social life. I think you need to put your agenda on hold and focus on hers instead.

It may seem dull catching up with her old friends or a brief night out

when you’d like to spend longer, but as she gains confidence during non‐ threatening activities, hopefully you can move towards a more equal footing concerning nights out in the future.

Relationships are about discovery. Find out what she likes, then book it, hand her the tickets and tell you’re both going.

She may enjoy herself and realise she needs to get out more. Then all you need to do is watch your wallet!

RT

CONTACT US: Got a problem and need an answer?

Email: jo@sorted-magazine.com

RS

or write to: Smart Talk, Sorted Magazine, PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex BN17 6WX

thoughts you have about yourself.

Then do a reality check on the negative thoughts by asking are they true? or how true are they? I would suggest cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to help overcome these thought patterns.

opposite, God, who instead majors on joy, peace and the confidence you lack. Our designer, our creator loves us unconditionally, no matter how feeble we feel. Valued by the one who really matters, we can learn to love ourselves again.

Guilt is a symptom of poor self‐esteem. In feeling worthless for troubling others, your whole existence sounds miserable.

As a Christian, I’m aware that we are all opposed by the evil one, who specialises in making us feel rubbish about ourselves. That realisation is crucial in pointing us to his polar

Guilt is a common experience to all of us. There’s no guilt in having it, but it’s how you deal with it that matters. It may be worth writing down what it is you feel guilty about and then seeking forgiveness, either from others or yourself.

RS

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ADVICE

JONATHAN SHERWIN

On Chris Evans’ Ferrari Collection and the Existence of the Universe The universe has a beginning

N

ot so long ago, it was popular to believe that the universe had simply always existed.

Carl Sagan famously stated that: “The cosmos is all that is, or ever was, or ever will be.”

But then along came a chap by the name of Georges Lemaître who was working on ideas from one Albert Einstein. He said that it actually looks as though the scientific evidence points towards a starting point. We now commonly refer to this point in history as the Big Bang.

Science, and our experience, points to the fact that the universe began to exist. And this is quite interesting, because if we take things further it points beyond this to the existence of God. When all of this is put together, this is known as the Kalam cosmological argument.

Whatever begins to exist has a cause Think of something, anything at all. Now think about how that ‘thing’ got there. In your mind, or in reality, we instinctively know that things do not just pop into existence out of nothing.

My credit card bill is proof of this. It didn’t just appear out of nowhere, it is the result of a cause (rightly or wrongly, but that’s a different argument). Likewise, the means to pay my bill won’t just spontaneously appear out of thin air, no matter how hard I wish it. Things that begin to exist have a cause.

Cue Einstein and friends with their scientific research. Science, as the exploration of what is, is of great help to us on this point.

Established scientific theories today, such as the redshifts found by Hubble (the man, not the telescope), point towards a beginning for the universe. This is very much in agreement, not opposition, with faith.

Additionally, we can take this second point to be true by employing a bit of logic. If the universe has always existed and did not have a beginning, then the history of the universe would be infinite. That sounds good, but as none of us possess the talents of Buzz Lightyear, it is impossible for us to traverse an actual infinite.

Let me try to explain. Chris Evans, of current BBC Radio 2 fame, is known for his large collection of Ferraris, all of which are painted that classic Ferrari colour: white.

Imagine that one morning Chris wakes up and finds that his collection has expanded and that he now possesses an infinite number of Ferraris (for some of us, believing we could own just one Ferrari is the same as believing we could own an infinite number of these beautiful machines!).

THE SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE POINTS TOWARDS A STARTING POINT. Chris is happy, and as he muses over this increase in his collection he decides to break his own rules and paint every other car in his infinitely long garage, oh, I don’t know, red.

Chris now has one red Ferrari sitting next to a white Ferrari and so on and so forth.

At some point (in the not‐too‐distant future, perhaps), the BBC is faced with budget cuts.

Chris has to take a pay cut and decides to sell half of his beloved collection. So Chris sells all of his red Ferraris and is left with just the white ones.

WireImage

Big Questions

But how many cars is Chris left with? He had an infinite number of cars and removed half of them. What is half of infinity? It’s not a number, like six, because that could be doubled to produce another number, which would not be infinite. Chris still has an infinite number of white cars. So what exactly did Chris lose?

The reality is, infinite series of things just don’t exist. In this way, the universe cannot logically have existed forever and had an infinite series of past events leading to the present moment.

The universe therefore has a cause We have shown that the universe has to have had a beginning, and that all things that have a beginning have a cause. Let’s think about the nature of this cause.

The cause of the existence of the universe must have been very powerful to create the universe from nothing and outside of time (the cause also created time), as well as existing infinitely.

What’s more, as well as having amazing attributes, this first cause must also be in some way personal, because it chose to create the universe. An eternal, extremely powerful thing doesn’t have to do anything. Nothing can compel something that large to do anything, in much the same say that I can’t force rugby legend Martin Johnson to smile, or to do anything for that matter, unless he wants to do it himself.

Let there be light The Kalam cosmological argument doesn’t reveal a specific deity or point to only one religion, but what it does do is turn on a light.

One can add – and we will this year – further arguments to this one, building a cumulative case for the existence of God outside of scripture and historical record. As these lights turn on, take a look and see what they reveal.

Perhaps they will lend themselves as starting points on a journey.

Perhaps you will discover that there are good signs within this universe that point to the existence of the divine outside of space and time; an incredibly large, complex and powerful being commonly referred to as ‘God’. n Jonathan lives in Oxford where he runs Latimers, a place for people to challenge and investigate the Christian faith. He graduated from the Oxford Centre for Christian Apologetics and now works as an itinerant evangelist, which involves co‐leading CVM’s Demolition Squad. Join the conversation online at www.jonathansherwin.net.

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OPINION

JON COBB

Money

Not So Taxing

million workers who have saved nothing!

Consecutive governments have meddled with pensions in the vain hope of making them sexy. They’re not, but they are necessary.

It will only be a matter of time before the government makes it compulsory for employees to contribute to a pension but, in the meantime, the latest legislation that could affect you as an employee is called auto‐ enrolment. If you’re eligible, it is your employer’s legal responsibility to enrol you into a scheme and contribute to it. This will be phased in over the next six years and is starting with the largest companies, so it’s worth asking your boss as it is in your interests to know about such things.

CONSECUTIVE GOVERNMENTS HAVE MEDDLED WITH PENSIONS IN THE VAIN HOPE OF MAKING THEM SEXY. THEY’RE NOT. We shouldn’t have to rely on the government to provide a pension or to enforce legislation that makes us act. Whoever we are, it’s worth looking at our expenditure at the start of the new tax year and trying to budget for a monthly contribution into a simple, cheap pension.

Remember, if you make a pension payment, you get tax relief on top, so a £40 monthly contribution actually means £50 each month!

It’s never too early to start, and you’ll be grateful that you did when you retire with a secure income and the opportunity to really start living!

ISAs and pensions are great ways to save, and each offers different tax incentives, but if you are in a position to start putting something aside for the long term I would encourage you to do so through one of these vehicles. n

I

’ve met actuaries who chose their profession because they believed accountancy was too glamorous!

Then again, I’ve met accountants who use their personalities as a form of birth control! Thank goodness for the charm and wit of financial advisers.

I have a lot of sympathy with accountants at this time of year as the tax year ends on April 5, so they are pretty busy. It’s the start of a whole load of tax returns and the implementation of all the budget changes and new allowances. My accountant gets an envelope stuffed full of receipts, bank statements and anything else that either declares an income or that I think is an allowable expense.

Let’s be honest, no one likes paying tax, and as I’ve said in previous articles, there’s a difference between dishonestly evading paying tax and structuring your finances in an orderly, tax‐efficient manner, taking advantage of the allowances HMRC gives us.

So here are a couple of pointers you might like to consider.

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Firstly, even though interest rates on cash savings are pretty pathetic, it is worth holding as much of your savings as possible in a cash ISA. In 2013‐14 you can place up to £5,940 into one. If you get 1.5% interest and you are a basic rate taxpayer, the annual tax you are saving will only be £17.82, which wouldn’t even cover a takeaway! However, we have to remember that current interest rates are unusually low at the moment and are normally much higher.

Therefore, as your savings build up and interest rates start to rise, your tax savings will become more substantial.

The £2.95 weekly rise in state pension may not affect too many readers, but the whole issue of retirement seems to be getting pushed further away. If you are in your thirties, you won’t get this benefit until you’re 69. It really is becoming the ‘old age pension’.

Governments know there will be a problem further down the line, as the days of receiving a carriage clock and a healthy company pension when you retire are a pipedream for large swathes of the working population. In fact, the government believes there are seven

Jon Cobb runs financial advisory business Trinity Wealth Management. He is a keen runner, ex‐white‐collar boxer, passionate Portsmouth supporter, speaker and writer.

Check out Jon’s blog: cobbiescollectivecontemplations.blogspot.co.uk and follow him on Twitter: @CobbyJon.

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OPINION

RICHARD HARDY

Family

What’s Your Place in the Pecking Order?

into this assessment I’m not quite sure, and frankly at present neither is she.)

I joked, mainly to cover my shock at the truth of his words, and said: “Listen, mate. It was never you, me and granddad. It was always me, granddad and you. You’ve always been at the bottom of the pile.” He didn’t look happy and, to be honest, neither was I. Who was this ‘one’ to usurp my place in my daughter’s affections?

Of course, as I have thought about this further I have realised that no one ever takes the place of another in a person’s heart. It’s just that we all have an infinite, God‐given capacity to love. We simply make more room for another. That’s what Joanna has done.

Now in our hearts we are all making room for Simon. It’s not that he has stolen our place in her affections; it is that we are all being challenged to increase our capacity to love.

That, however, is not all that is occurring.

Simon is becoming part of our family, but Joanna is also being embraced by his. And at the same time they are becoming their own family unit.

By the time you read this I will, as the traditional marriage service says, have “given” my daughter away. Not that this is a popular concept these days, because in the modern mind it sounds too much like ownership. Of course, I have never “owned” my daughter.

She has always only ever been “on loan”.

WITH THE ARRIVAL OF OUR FIRSTBORN, THE PECKING ORDER CHANGED… IN THE DOG’S MIND AT LEAST.

T

here’s a pecking order in every family. It’s quite straightforward when you first get together as a couple and it’s just the two of you. An African friend once said to me, the man is the head and the woman is the neck. I prefer to think of it as a partnership of coequals. (My wife told me I could say that!)

All decisions and responsibilities are shared and no‐one really needs to take the lead.

Then children appear! Prior to embarking (pun intended) on the pleasure and pain of parenting, we got a dog. The family hierarchy was straightforward as we all knew our place in the pack: people then pet.

With the arrival of our firstborn, the pecking order changed… in the dog’s mind at least.

Now it was master, mistress, interloper and dog! The dog was more than a little put out and it took a while for the new order to bed in.

Then David arrived and a new negotiation had to be made as Joanna and the dog established where the latest new addition fitted in. The dog just skulked and sulked, while Joanna

established her place in the pecking order by playing endless supremacy games. “Let’s play schools. I’ll be the teacher, you can be the naughty little boy,” she would say.

Life eventually settled into a routine. As parents our roles regularly switched, one taking the lead first and then the other. The children quickly became third and fourth or first and second, depending on whether we as parents were included in the tally or not.

Then, aged 19, Joanna met ‘the one’ and a seismic shift in the pecking order began to take place. If I’m honest, I hadn’t really noticed there was much other stuff going on at the time, what with Joanna leaving home and David doing A‐levels. In any case, the established hierarchy had been in place so long, who could possibly challenge it?

Until David said: “So how does it feel to have dropped down the pecking order, then?”

Puzzled, I asked him to explain.

“Well, now ‘the one’ has arrived we’ve all been demoted in Joanna’s affections. It used to be you, me and granddad. Now it’s Simon, you, me and granddad!” (Where his mother fitted

As she and Simon marry, she is choosing to detach herself in some measure from us and attach herself to him, and together they will start the process all over again. I would love to tell you that all I feel is joy for them. I do feel joy, but it is mixed with just a tinge of sadness. I feel the mix of emotions that I guess all fathers feel, but that no man will ever talk about.

I feel I am losing a daughter, a place, a position, a role, and that nothing will ever be the same again. For a while, things in the Hardy household will be a little disturbed and different, until the new order establishes itself that is.

I also feel that I am gaining a son‐in‐law. As I grow to know him, I have to say that from what I see there is much to be admired.

(Good choice, Joanna!) He is a fine young man: principled, caring and self‐aware, with a deep desire to do the right thing.

Welcome to our family, Simon, but know this. You are not taking my place, either in this family or my daughter’s affections. I am choosing to give it, not her, away. n Richard Hardy is a Baptist minister and director of the Entheos Trust, which encourages leaders and enables churches to engage with their communities. Richard has spoken on community engagement, marriage and parenting at many national conferences. He has also written extensively on community and family issues (www.theentheostrust.org).

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OPINION

SAM GIBB

Faith

Three Men in a Pub

M

ention the word ‘trinity’ to any of us fellas and you will get the same response my school teacher did while trying to teach me algebra. We either switch off completely and start thinking about the football, recognising that we have as much chance of getting our head around that as we do of understanding women’s dress sizes, or we start doing crazy calculations, attempting to work out exactly how something can be three things while remaining one thing.

Let’s be honest, most of the time it’s hard enough to stay awake in sermons without someone bringing up technicalities like the trinity. Plus, what good is understanding God’s triune nature going to be when I’m sat in the office on Monday morning?

But perhaps this is where we are wrong. True, I personally think algebra lessons were a waste of good daylight hours, yet the trinity seems to have unimaginable importance. You see, if we begin to understand the trinity we begin to get God. And if we begin to understand this incredible God, we will want to live lives that are radically different because of Him. And when we do that, everything changes.

I was sitting in the pub with a couple of mates when it clicked: this right here was a better representation of the trinity than any Venn diagram (those three interlinking circles you see in science textbooks). You see, this trinitarian God is three persons who are one, not just three circles that are linked.

IF WE BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND THE TRINITY WE BEGIN TO GET GOD. Right there in the pub, as we laughed and bantered, it was almost impossible to separate us from our unbreakable bromance; at that point we three were like one. But at the same time as being one, we were also three distinct persons: one doctor, one engineer and one preacher. One with a lager, one with a bitter and the other with a strawberry pink mojito (I’m lying, of course, I much prefer the grapefruit. It tastes like summer in a glass).

Three distinct individuals, yet so close we could hardly be separated.

But this somewhat stretched illustration can’t last long as we head home to our own wives, our own jobs and our own houses. The trinity, however, is always one, constantly in relationship. The trinity isn’t a maths puzzle or

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the biblical equivalent of your gran’s Sudoku.

The trinity is three fellas: the Father, the Son and the Spirit.

And it is this trinitarian God who set everything in motion and holds all things together. John 1:1 and Genesis 1:1 place all three persons in the world‐building team. Jesus didn’t turn up following Mary and Joe’s pregnancy planning; he was there on day naught in the creation committee. And the trinity didn’t end there. The immense plan to rescue the world at Golgotha was constructed, initiated and completed by the same three fellas of the trinity.

So, what do Venn diagrams, water and three men in a pub have in common? All three have been used to describe the trinity, but the third is probably the most helpful. Not because it explains how three are one, but because it gives us an understanding of why. If we spend forever trying to work out the trinity we will completely miss the opportunity to live out the trinity.

So, come Monday morning when the alarm goes off, remember that God is far from being a distant, disconnected and indifferent guy in the sky. He is no recluse. God is community, God is connected, God is love.

I’m not talking about the flowery love of arrow‐shooting cherubs and cards with loopy fonts. God is love because the most perfect, loving community exists in his very nature. A trip to the pub may help us understand this more practically, but a grasp of the Word of God will open this doctrine up in ways we could never imagine. The answer, then, is probably a Bible in one hand and a pint in the other. A good bitter theology. n Sam Gibb is a twenty‐something currently living in London and working at All Souls, Langham Place. His passion is to present the message and teachings of Jesus to men in a way that makes sense to them. He has written a series of Bible studies aimed at lads on topics such as comedy, war and sport. Sam’s heroes are the apostle Paul, Alan Shearer and Garfield, though not necessarily in that order. You can follow him on Twitter at @samggibb.

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OPINION

LYNDON BOWRING

Politics

Signs of Hope

O

n a bright Thursday morning last October in the imposing Stormont Castle – seat of the Northern Ireland Assembly – Lord Morrow was hosting a photographic exhibition on the subject of human trafficking sponsored by CARE. Speaking to me about his Human Trafficking and Exploitation Bill, he related how he had decided to do something about this serious problem within the province. A young woman had come to tell him the heartbreaking tale of how she had been tricked into a life of degradation and misery by traffickers who sold her into the sex trade.

As a Christian, he felt he could not ignore the plight of this woman and so many like her who were enslaved. He resolved to use his position as a Member of the Legislative Assembly (MLA) to put down a bill that would provide protection and care to victims and also impose greater punishment on the perpetrators of this evil trade.

Lord Morrow’s bill matches similar efforts in the House of Lords from another Christian, Lord McColl. Both have been very influential in raising awareness and altering people’s attitudes to this largely invisible reality of imprisonment for so many. MSP Jenny Marra

is also taking up the cause in the Scottish Parliament.

Although human trafficking is a hot topic these days, it was scarcely known about ten years ago. The Salvation Army has a long history of faithfully caring for victims of this terrible crime, which often leads to forced prostitution. Gradually, other Christian initiatives have sprung up to highlight the tragedy of the many vulnerable women, men and children brought to the UK each year – or trafficked internally – to be deceived, exploited and coerced into modern slavery.

ALTHOUGH HUMAN TRAFFICKING IS A HOT TOPIC THESE DAYS, IT WAS SCARCELY KNOWN ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO. In 2006, CARE began to champion this cause, persuading politicians and others to address the issue. This was hard work at first, but our team played an important part in ensuring that the 2009 Policing and Crime Act included a clause that made it an offence to pay for sex with anyone who was subjected to force. A few

years later a European directive required EU member states to address the problem of human trafficking.

Since then, many MPs and peers at Westminster and politicians in the other UK parliaments and assemblies – such as Lord Morrow and Jenny Marra – have raised the issue.

The government announced in August that it will introduce a Modern Slavery Bill to improve prosecution rates for slave drivers, increase penalties for convicted traffickers and provide a new anti‐slavery commissioner to hold law enforcement agencies to account.

This should become law before the next general election, and CARE will be working hard to make sure that it effectively prosecutes traffickers and provides proper protection and support to the victims of trafficking, especially for children. n Lyndon Bowring was born in Wales and studied at London Bible College. He is an associate minister at Kensington Temple, and has been executive chairman of CARE for more than 25 years. His hobbies include watching rugby, exploring London’s restaurants and developing friendships. He lives in London with his wife Celia, and they have three children.

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OPINION

LEE AND BAZ

Cut to the Chase

Our Very Own Kitchen Poster

BY LEE JACKSON

L

ike most blokes, I like the thought of keeping fit. Sometimes I can think about it for hours. I do my bit, but if there’s an excuse not to go to the gym or boxercise I have been known to take it more than once. Like that ever‐so‐important last email that suddenly seems so important to send. Or I feel a very slight sniffle, and I’m afraid that if I go to the gym it may just turn into full‐blown flu. We’ve all used a few of these excuses not to do exercise.

So when my gym closed for a month for refurbishment, the men in my neighbourhood secretly breathed a sigh of relief, with many cancelling their membership for a month to take full advantage. I think some of them probably used the time to go to their sheds or man caves and never told their partners that the gym was shut! Of course, the simplest of all man caves is just sitting in your car enjoying the peace and quiet and checking those important emails on your phone while no one asks you a question! Been there, done that!

But the other day was D‐Day: the gym’s grand reopening. I turned up feeling vaguely smug as I had been for a long run the day before and was ready to take on a new challenge. As I walked in it was a little strange. Things had moved, new machines were in place and it had had a serious makeover. There were newer, slightly less sweaty gym mats and the walls even looked clean!

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As well as a lick of paint, the designers had put up motivational quotes all around the gym.

Some I had heard before, but there were also some new ones and some pretty blunt ones, which is just what you need when you’re working hard in the gym. Like “No hocus pocus, just focus”. That made me laugh. For me, they made it interesting and I reckon they helped.

As a nation we have really taken to this motivational quote thing. The most famous, of course, is “Keep calm and carry on”. It originates from a wartime poster found in an old box of books at the famous Barter Books in Alnwick, which is probably the best bookshop in the UK.

THE DESIGNERS HAD PUT UP MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES ALL AROUND THE GYM. The owner found this old poster and put it up in the shop behind the counter. People loved it and wanted to see more of it, so they started making posters, tea towels, aprons, t‐shirts, mouse mats and so on. The poster was never used in real life, but it was ready to be printed and displayed in case Hitler crossed the Channel and invaded England. This was something he never managed, mainly because he had learnt about the British weather, our obsession with queuing and most probably because he didn’t like The X Factor.

So the fact that we can now buy many motivational mugs and posters in shops surprised me at first, but I realised it’s all about timing. The “Keep calm and carry on” phenomenon hit us at the right time. As a nation we were entering a deep financial recession and somehow the simple retro poster struck a cord in the British psyche. We got it. It worked.

I’m aware that quotes on kitchen and gym walls can be cheesy, trite and even plain wrong sometimes. For example, a friend of mine has a tattoo of a phrase that he or she no longer agrees with!

The reality is that not only are these phrases maybe helpful for a season, but that, in all honesty, we all have a phrase or two that we believe and carry around with us. Maybe it’s a positive one. If it is, fantastic! But most people I meet have negative ones; phrases that seem to be tattooed on the inside of their eyelids.

We can say these phrases to ourselves and others without even knowing it sometimes. I’ve heard people who say “I’m useless”, “I’m no good at it” or “No one likes me”. I have also met people who spend their lives being unhappy because they still believe a lie that was said about them years ago; a lie that has stopped them from being what God designed them to be; their own little kitchen poster. It’s very sad.

So, lads, here’s the challenge. If you had to choose three phrases to live by for the rest of your life, what would they be? I have a few, but I want you to think of your own. What tattooed phrase, kitchen poster or gym sign could you live with for the rest of your life?

Choose well, choose positively and don’t forget your sense of humour.

Keep calm and carry on! n Lee is a professional speaker, PowerPoint surgeon and presentation coach, and he can be reached at leejackson.biz.

He is also one half of Lee and Baz. Together with his mate Baz Gascoyne, he writes down‐to‐earth men’s books and speaks at a host of men’s conferences. He lives in Yorkshire with his wife and twin girls.

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“I had a very blessed childhood,” says Ward.

“We lived in the Bible College and we were very lucky as there was a lot of land, so we could go outside and play football and muck around.

When I was nine years old I signed with Portsmouth, where my brother already played.

“I went through the school years there. It was quite difficult as we had our commitments with the church, so we sat down and talked about it as a lot of the games were on Sunday mornings.

“I HAD SOME GREAT PEOPLE SPEAK INTO MY LIFE AND HELP GUIDE ME. THAT WAS A MASSIVE INFLUENCE ON WHY I AM WHERE I AM TODAY.”

RIGHT BACK IN THE ACTION

BY ANDY BLOSS

W

hen Nathaniel Clyne transferred from Crystal Palace to Southampton, many fans were left scratching their heads, wondering who would become their new hero at right back. During the summer of 2012, Palace’s manager Dougie Freedman said he had found a replacement who had the potential to be even better than Clyne. Enter Joel Ward.

It is interesting that Palace lost one of their prestigious south London talents to the south coast, only to replace him with a prestigious talent from the south coast. Ward, who had risen through the ranks at Portsmouth, was one of their prized assets and Freedman was evidently delighted with the signing.

It took a bit of time for the 24‐year‐old right back to make his mark on the team.

Comparisons were inevitably drawn between Ward and his predecessor, but it wasn’t long before he endeared himself to The Eagles faithful. Fast forward to 2013 and Ward is now plying his trade in the Premier League and is up against some of the best players in world football.

Ward is very much a fan favourite at Selhurst Park. He is one of the club’s most consistent performers and there have even been whispers of an England call up.

A dedicated Christian, the defender was brought up at the New Life Christian Church in Emsworth, and his family lived in the church’s Bible College. Ward has an older sister and an older brother, and the latter was on Pompey’s books from a young age.

“My parents felt that they wanted me to go to church [and] as a result I only played once a month all the way up to under‐16s, but looking back on it I would not change a thing. I was very blessed at Portsmouth with the way they handled it through the whole of my time there really.

“Growing up and having the support network around me of my family, friends and the church, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I had some great people speak into my life and help guide me. That was a massive influence on why I am where I am today.”

It was during his time at Portsmouth that he met Linvoy Primus, a player and a person for whom Ward has a lot of respect and admiration. The former Portsmouth centre back founded the charity Faith and Football, which delivers football programmes in the community and is backed by several other Christian football players.

“Linvoy was a massive influence on me,” Ward says. “To see him play and be so open about his faith was great. I have always been very open about my faith, but seeing him stand up and declare his faith at the top level was great to see. We were close and spoke a lot. We still do. He was a great mentor for me and helped me during my years as a scholar at Portsmouth.”

Apart from a loan spell at Bournemouth, Ward played 89 times for Portsmouth. He scored six goals, including a memorable goal against arch rivals Southampton in 2011. The defender had close ties to the club, but when Palace came calling he was ready to embark on a new challenge.

He recalls: “I think the decision was difficult as there were a few different clubs interested and I had a few choices, so that was tough. But in terms of the decision to leave Portsmouth for myself and for my career, it was the right thing to do. The club was fantastic. The fans were great to me, but it was a simple one to make for my career.

“Of course, I was moving away from a club that had done a lot for me and I was moving away from my church and my family; basically everything I was familiar with. But also it was a new chapter, a new start and something I was looking forward to. It was a challenge in itself and I just trusted in God that He was going f

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to take me to the right place and I believe He was opening doors whilst closing others.”

Ward arrived at Palace with high expectations. Manager Dougie Freedman had talked him up as a player who could be even better than Clyne. However, The Eagles got off to a bad start that season, losing their first three games.

But then they kicked into gear, going almost three months without defeat. Despite Dougie Freedman leaving, they clinched promotion to the Premier League after beating Watford in the play‐offs under Ian Holloway.

“I think when you go into any new place,

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regardless of what career you are in, there is always a pressure,” Ward says. “You are always looking to impress and make your stand. It was a difficult start as we didn’t have the best of starts to the season. I believe I am the kind of player that gets stronger through the tough times.

“You find out who you are during those times. As I have said, I have a fantastic support network around me and even the Palace fans, they have been fantastic with me. Looking back I am glad with how things have gone since I have moved to Palace. I love the club, it is a great club.

“I have been very blessed since I have been here. The group of lads last year was fantastic and that is one of the reasons why we did so well, as everyone was going that extra percent for each other. You knew that whoever you were playing alongside they had your back and you would look out for them. That helps a lot. We are getting the same spirit now this season.”

The 24‐year‐old is relishing the challenge of the Premier League and, despite a small injury setback earlier in the season and the departure of Ian Holloway, he is still one of the first names on new manager Tony Pulis’ team sheet.

Ward continues to be passionate about standing up for what he believes in and spreading the Word of God. He joined Hillsong Church as soon as he moved to London and takes part in a variety of community projects with Crystal Palace and his church.

Football goes deeper for him than what happens on the pitch and he wants to use his influence as a footballer to help others. He says: “For the likes of myself I am very blessed to be where I am and do what I do, so to give something back is something which is right. I have always felt that way. There are different schemes I get involved with through church as well, both here and back home.

“There is so much on our front door in this country and there are so many people who need help and support. If you can be a small influence, then you can still make a big difference to those you reach.

“For me, obviously I want to be known for my career in football and hopefully my achievements. But I also want to be known as someone who stands up for what they believe in.”

And what about playing for England? Ward dares to dream: “I have always been a believer in dreaming big. Why not dream big? You have to set the bar as high as you can to achieve what you want. Of course, it is one of my dreams to walk out with an England shirt on.

It would be a dream come true.

“But we just have to wait and see. I will just carry on concentrating on football and not get carried away and keep on pushing on and striving to be better and better. God wants you to dream big and go on and do well. I believe He is with me every step of the way.”

If the defender continues in his present form, his dream could well come true. n

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Thank God for

FOOTBALL of Everton. So he was able to say to the boys: “The next time you get ridiculed at school, tell them the big boys here on our doorstep started out the same way: as church teams.”

Honour where it’s due This discovery set Peter wondering whether any other clubs had similar church origins. He was amazed to find that approximately one‐third of the teams that had played in the Premier League did. He suddenly became a man on a mission to know more about the founders and how they operated. As the project developed, his aim was “to bring to public attention the wonderful, selfless work done by Christian men”.

He started to get in touch with various clubs and the reaction took him aback. “To my amazement, when I contacted the clubs to ask for information about these people, they had

BY STUART WEIR

D

id you know that 12 of the clubs that have played in the FA Premier League owe their origins to a church or to Christians? When Southampton moved to their new stadium in 2001, they chose the name St Mary’s as a way of acknowledging their provenance.

Of course, no one in the 19th century set out to establish a 21st century Premier League club. Churches formed sports clubs, many of which existed only for a short time. Most remained church teams all their lives, but a few evolved into professional clubs.

Churches at that time were prolific founders of sports clubs. DD Molyneux claims that in Birmingham almost 21% of all cricket clubs Rev Peregrine Propert was a key figure in the early years at Fulham FC.

and just under 25% of association football clubs had connections with religious organisations between 1871 and 1880 (The Development of Physical Recreation in the Birmingham District from 1871 to 1892, DD Molyneux, MA Thesis, University of Birmingham, 1957).

How could the members of a young men’s Bible class who decided to found Aston Villa Football Club or the boys of the All Hallows Church Bible class who founded the Hotspur Football Club, for example, possibly have guessed that two of England’s finest clubs would emerge in later years?

“THE NEXT TIME YOU GET RIDICULED AT SCHOOL, TELL THEM THE BIG BOYS HERE ON OUR DOORSTEP STARTED OUT THE SAME WAY: AS CHURCH TEAMS.” The fact we know what we do about the origins of the Premier League clubs is due in no small measure to the work of Peter Lupson, a school teacher based on the Wirral. Peter started a church football league for youngsters on Merseyside but found that the kids were being ridiculed for playing in the league with comments such as “church leagues don’t count”, “you’re all soft” and “do you use Bibles as shin pads?” arising. As a result, a lot of the boys – who were only 12 or 13 the time – left the league and others refused to join.

Around that time (1995), Peter made the discovery that Everton came from church origins, with Liverpool emerging as an offshoot

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Everton president Sir Philip Carter and Liverpool CEO Rick Parry at the restored grave of Rev Ben Chambers.

little, if any, knowledge of it. Tottenham Hotspur, for example, didn’t realise that they had been a church team,” he reveals.

It was the same story when Peter contacted the vicar of the church concerned: “Really? We started Tottenham Hotspur? I had no idea.”

Gravestones came to play a big part in Peter’s life over the following few years! When he discovered the grave of Bolton Wanderers founder, Rev Joseph Wright, and saw that it needed some tender loving care, the club immediately restored it. The words “Founder of Bolton Wanderers Football Club 1874” were

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SPORT added to the stone and a service was held at the church where the cemetery is located. Peter was one of the speakers, alongside club chairman Phil Gartside and club chaplain Phil Mason.

It was a similar story with Everton and Liverpool when Peter found the grave of Rev Ben Chambers in Shepley, Yorkshire. The grave was restored and a service was attended by Everton president Sir Philip Carter and then chief executive of Liverpool, Rick Parry, as well as three players from each club. Chambers was later inducted to Everton’s Hall of Fame.

Peter also discovered that the first president of Tottenham Hotspur, John Ripsher, was buried in an unmarked, pauper’s grave. “When my work brought this to light, the club immediately set about giving him a headstone,” he explains.

“It was immensely satisfying to be invited by the club to speak at the service of dedication of the headstone at the graveside in a cemetery in Dover and to tell the story of this man and his Christian faith. People had come from as far afield as the Isle of Wight to attend the service. This gave me immense satisfaction and it rescued from oblivion someone whose contribution to the club had been forgotten.”

On December 20, 2011, a service was held at St Mary’s Church in Handsworth, Birmingham, to mark the centenary of the death of William McGregor, a devout Christian, former chairman of Aston Villa and founder and first chairman of the Football League (and arguably the father of all football leagues worldwide).

Peter spearheaded the restoration of McGregor’s grave and helped organise the commemorative service, which was attended by representatives of the founding clubs of the Football League. Peter was one of the speakers, alongside Football League president Lord Brian Mawhinney.

According to Peter, Fulham FC supporters owe a great debt to Rev Peregrine Propert, who was a key figure in the early years of the club.

John Motson, Peter Lupson and Cyrille Regis at the launch of Peter’s DVD, Thank God for Football!

Tottenham director Paul Barber and Peter Lupson

by John Ripsher's new headstone. He was originally buried in an unmarked grave.

Peter says of him: “I admire him because he showed unconditional Christian love to many young people in his locality who were rejected by ‘respectable’ people because they were dirty, used foul language and were uneducated and generally dismissed as uncouth.

“Propert brought them into his mission hall, where he set up a gym for them so that they could enjoy wholesome recreation as an alternative to streets and gangs. Not only did he do all this, but he did it against considerable opposition, because respectable people said a clergyman had no right to mix with people like this on an equal basis as friends.”

As a result, Propert was reported to the Bishop as being unfit to be a clergyman. He told the Bishop that he had come not just to preach, but to live out Christian principles. He argued that people had forgotten Jesus’ important words: “I have come, not for the righteous but to call sinners to repentance”.

Propert felt that he had to withstand the hostile criticism he met and continue to interact with these young men on an equal basis. And many became Christians. f

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SPORT

Swindon Town CEO Nick Watkins and Peter Lupson at the grave of William Baker Pitt.

Bringing Swindon up to date

Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

Lupson’s research caused a potentially embarrassing situation for the club concerned on one occasion. Swindon Town had always believed the club was founded in 1881, and this date is still listed in the Sky Sports Football Yearbook. Then Peter found “irrefutable

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evidence” that it was actually established in 1879.

The timing of Peter’s discovery added to the embarrassment, as the club was about to hold a dinner to celebrate the 1881 date. He says: “People had to be told, ‘Look we’re rather embarrassed about this, but this dinner should have been two years ago. You have every right to ask for your money back as we are honouring the wrong year.’ But people saw the funny side of it.” The Swindon Advertiser subsequently wrote a full‐page article on “The man who rewrote Town’s history”.

With one exception, none of the clubs maintained a close church link or sought to uphold the standards of Jesus Christ.

Nonetheless, we can be thankful for the insight of these pioneers who engaged with sport. We could do worse than to join in the words of Lord Arthur Kinnaird, who played in nine FA Cup Finals between 1873 and 1883, as well as being a leading Christian statesman of his era, said: “I believe that all right‐minded people have good reason to thank God for the great progress of this popular national game”. Many of us regularly and sincerely thank God for football.

And, among others, we can also thank God for: Rev Tiverton Preedy, founder of Barnsley St Peter’s Football Club; John Ripsher, who ran a Bible class at All Hallows Church, Tottenham, and poured his life into the boys of the area and their football club; and William Baker Pitt, curate of Christ Church, Swindon. Where would Barnsley FC, Tottenham Hotspur or Swindon Town be without them? n

The 12 clubs of church origin that have played in the Premier League are: Aston Villa Barnsley Birmingham City Bolton Wanderers Everton Fulham

Liverpool Manchester City QPR Southampton Swindon Town Tottenham Hotspur

Find out more Thank God for Football!

(Peter Lupson, SPCK; London, 2006)

Thank God for Football!: The Illustrated Companion (Peter Lupson, Azure/SPCK; London, 2010)

Thank God for Football! (DVD) (Christian Television Association; Clevedon, 2013)

Stuart Weir is passionate about Jesus Christ and about sport, and he spends his life trying to help people make the connection. He has written several books about sport and Christianity and has worked as a sports writer at Olympic, Paralympic and World Championship events. He has been to three football World Cups and was Togo’s Olympic attaché at the 2012 Olympics. Married to Lynne, he has two grown‐up children. He is a member of Kidlington Baptist Church and Frilford Heath Golf Club.

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HEALTH & FITNESS

FITNESS With Phil Baines

How Old Do You Feel? slowly and on an easier setting. The danger as we get older is that we think we should reduce the ROM due to our age. However, the older we get the more important it is to try to maintain our full ROM. I really believe (and scientific evidence seems to confirm this) that, within reason, the more we exercise the healthier we will be. I think this is even more important into our forties and fifties, and carries on being increasingly important the older we get. It might just be that the type of exercise changes.

As we get into our forties and fifties, we may well find we prefer squash, badminton and table tennis. Prefer is possibly the wrong word, perhaps we find these easier.

WITHIN REASON, THE MORE WE EXERCISE THE HEALTHIER WE WILL BE.

T

he age question has been interesting me recently. I was speaking with someone yesterday who said that even though age expectancy continues to rise, the quality of life gradient is not rising at the same rate, with the gap getting bigger and bigger. One of the main reasons for this is that muscles, ligaments and tendons are not kept flexible. This causes restricted movement, which affects quality of life.

I was recently at an old people’s home and a 92‐year‐old lady wanted to know what she could do in the gym to keep fit. Wow, 92!

Unfortunately, because she had experienced heart trouble, she was ticking all the boxes on the health assessment form and staff members were reluctant to recommend anything. I found that really sad.

In previous articles I have mentioned the importance of keeping ourselves flexible. The other thing that is really important is focusing on our full range of movement (ROM). This is the amount we are able to move our arms and legs to exercise. On a rowing machine, rather than doing short, sharp movements, older people should still do a full row, perhaps more

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I received an email from a chap in his fifties who is playing more squash and badminton these days and was experiencing pain in his wrist and ankles. He was asking what he could do to help him in these areas so he could continue to play frequently. Firstly, flexibility is really important.

In the same way that we stretch our quads and hamstrings, we also need to stretch our lower calves, ankles and wrists.

A good exercise to stretch and strengthen the ankles is simply to use a stair tread. Stand at the bottom of the stair and step up with one

leg pushing up onto the toes. Step back down and repeat ten times on each leg. Secondly, use a balance board. Any work on the balance board will strengthen the ankles.

Thirdly, the wrists. Using a bar or light dumbbell, hold it and rotate up and down from the wrists with the hands facing up and then down, so that only your hands are moving.

Simply rotating the ankles and wrists regularly will keep them loose and should help.

Lastly, and unfortunately, ageing means that we will experience discomfort and pain as we exercise. Most of this you can push through, and you will need to learn the signs to know when to stop. If you experience pain that doesn’t go, see a doctor or seek advice.

The important thing is keep exercising and enjoy it! Let age be a challenge rather than a barrier. n Phil Baines is passionate about fitness and sport. He recently began a venture called Fit 4 The Challenge (www.f4tc.co.uk), which offers a range of physical challenges for diverse abilities. Phil organises each challenge and trains individuals and teams to complete them, either for charity or for personal achievement or both. Phil is married with two teenage sons.

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HEALTH & FITNESS

HEALTHY COOKING With Chef Mike Darracott

Fresh Spring Vegetable Soup Serves around six people

INGREDIENTS 100 grams of spaghetti, snapped into short lengths 20 grams of defrosted frozen corn on the cob kernels 20 grams of defrosted frozen garden peas 90 grams of sliced potatoes 20 grams of sieved plain flour 1 litre of vegetable stock 2 vegetable stock cubes 45 grams of butter or margarine 50 grams of sliced carrot 50 grams of sliced turnip 1 sliced medium-sized red onion 1 tsp of paprika powder 1 pinch of garlic salt 5 tsp of Worcester sauce Salt and pepper to taste 1 bouquet garni (parsley, thyme and bay leaf, tied inside some leek and celery)

METHOD 1 Clean, peel and prepare the vegetables.

2 Melt the butter or margarine in a saucepan and cook the vegetables on a low to medium heat until they are half cooked.

3 Stir in the sieved flour and continue to cook for three minutes. Do not allow the mixture to take on any colour.

4 Place the two vegetable stock cubes in a jug with the garlic salt, paprika and Worcester sauce. Add a litre of boiling water and stir until fully dissolved 5 Pour the mixture over your vegetables and add the 100 grams of spaghetti, snapped into short lengths. Add the bouquet garni, bring the mixture to the boil and turn the heat down to a simmer. Cook for around 25 to 40 minutes.

6 Remove the bouquet garni and discard.

7 Add salt and pepper to taste and then serve.

Michael J Darracott has been an executive chef at various large establishments. He has cooked for more than 200 people at a time, including a number of celebrities, and has published several books. For more information, visit www.chefmikedarracott.com.

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HUMOUR

PAUL KERENSA

Kneel-Down Stand-Up

Standing Disorders

H

ow many direct debits have you got in place? Do you even know?

I must say I have no idea. But then I hardly know you, so how would I? I mean, obviously there’s one to Sorted magazine, but apart from that…

I really should keep better track of my own. I was flummoxed when my credit card provider phoned and asked me three test questions about my regular payments. Bizarrely, without me answering, they couldn’t even tell me why they were calling.

The only thing they could say was that all of this was being recorded for training purposes.

Talk about pressure! Not only was I being quizzed about my account (while out and about, no less, so with just memory to work from!), but my wrong answers would be permanently committed to digital archive, or maybe even one day broadcast as Britain’s Funniest Phone Recordings when the channels get really desperate.

ALL OF THIS WAS BEING RECORDED FOR TRAINING PURPOSES. TALK ABOUT PRESSURE! Unable to remember my direct debits, the call was like a very boring version of the Bridge of Death in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I could give my favourite colour or even the air‐ speed velocity of an unladen swallow, but I floundered on payments. I guessed incorrectly, so I never did find out why they phoned.

I checked my regular payments when I got home. I guessed there would be five of them; there were eleven. There were utilities, some ill‐ judged insurance for a toaster and subscriptions 92

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for DVD rental, a magazine company and a wine firm. There was no gym membership, because apparently I spend all my time drinking wine watching a DVD with a magazine. It was all a bit pathetic really: my life in snapshot, and my hard‐earned bucks draining into corporations’ coffers every month.

We’ve been lured away from the one‐off payment into monthly account drainages.

Websites from online dating to family tree research to ‘clouds’ of your e‐stuff now know that the best payment structure (for them) is for us to pay a little more often. And it sucks.

Why does it suck? Because I know a lot of you are just like me. Yet we walk past a guy selling The Big Issue and say, “Sorry mate”, if we say anything at all. Or perhaps we think, yeah, what the hey? I haven’t bought a copy in a while and there are a few strangers around who will see me doing this egalitarian thing. So we proudly hand over our pound coins only to discover that it’s now £2.50. We suddenly feel the glare of these strangers, as if we’d try to pay using pre‐decimal currency.

My wife and I sponsor two kids, so a regular rolling donation goes to them. We reassess our giving regularly and check that we haven’t inadvertently signed up for monthly wine crates or gym membership we don’t need.

Now is a good time to check what you’ve got going out. Make sure you’re using what you’re paying for and sending some regular money to people who need it.

Oh, and I’m delighted to say that my wife and I have finally decided to stop our online dating subscriptions, which is fortunate, because once she hears me on Britain’s Funniest Phone Recordings she won’t want anything to do with me. n Paul Kerensa is an award‐winning stand‐up comic and author of the book So a Comedian Walks Into a Church. He co‐won a British Comedy Award for writing on the BBC’s Miranda, and the Royal Television Society (RTS) Award for Not Going Out, as well as working on other shows that history has thankfully forgotten. Visit www.paulkerensa.com or follow Paul on Twitter @paulkerensa to find out more.

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HUMOUR

TONY VINO

In Vino Veritas

An Award for Good Service

pressure, although it’s nothing a laxative and a Pot Noodle can’t sort out. “Hey boss, good news. I’ve got dysentery. I’ll be doing plenty of overtime this week.”

The people who run the Loo of the Year Awards also offer a UK Toilet Attendant of the Year Award. I know one toilet attendant, a lovely bloke called Bumi who works at Tiger Tiger in Leeds, where I regularly compère. He has a fine selection of aftershaves, chewing gum and Chupa Chups lollies. I informed him of the toilet attendant award and encouraged him to up his game if he wants to become a contender. He is now working on a series of additional services, including massage, counselling and a selection of dips.

WHO GOES ON A MASSIVE JOURNEY, ARRIVES AT A SERVICE STATION AND THINKS, ‘I COULD DO WITH A BIT OF DRIVE TO RELAX’?

F

or truckers and comedians, motorway services are more than a place to go for a wee, a coffee and a pasty. I spend an inordinate amount of time in these places, which are really designed for us to just pass through. These cathedrals of utility have become my office, conference facilities and even my spa retreat (in the form of massage chairs).

I’ve worked out that for every hour of stand‐ up I perform, I do an average of four hours driving to get there and back. It’s the equivalent of a chef spending most of his shift washing up pots instead of cooking.

Driving home I rarely make a stop. There’s nothing like that giddy feeling on the M4 at midnight thinking I’ll be back by 3am or even 2:45am if instead of stopping I just wee in a bottle. Yet on the outward leg of a journey I relish the opportunity to stop as I find the familiarity of motorway services strangely comforting.

There is always the ubiquitous WH Smith, Krispy Kreme stand and obligatory arcade

centre. The most popular arcade games by far are the driving games. Who goes on a massive journey, arrives at a service station and thinks, ‘I could do with a bit of drive to relax’?

Perhaps it’s a necessary way of venting frustration for those who have spent hours feeling constricted by traffic laws and regulations. I feel The House of the Dead does the same thing for me in response to the laws we have about not shooting people.

An exciting development at Moto services is the introduction of Dyson Airblade hand dryers within all men’s toilets. I’m presuming they are also in the ladies’, but I haven’t researched it that thoroughly.

The Dyson Airblade is the world’s most advanced hand drying system, with the sticker on the front proudly claiming to offer “complete moisture absorption within seven seconds”. Men remain unconvinced, however, knowing that they can achieve complete moisture absorption within three seconds by simply rubbing their hands on their jeans.

One service station I went to had a framed certificate proving that their toilets were finalists in the 2012 Loo of the Year Awards.

That means it is someone’s job to go up and down the country inspecting toilets with a clipboard while trying to look official rather than like a pervert.

How thorough is the assessment? Does he have to time his journey perfectly to arrive exactly when he needs to go? That’s a lot of

I like the fact that we are giving awards to toilets and the people who work in them. Like the humble service station, they are often overlooked when it comes to accolades and displays of public appreciation. So forget about the Baftas and the Brits, because I’ve created The Tony Vino UK Motorway Services Awards.

And the winner is: Tebay Services Northbound M6.

Even though Tebay sounds like a Yorkshire version of an online auction site (“Eee luv, ger on t’internet and let’s bid on sum tat on t’ebay”), it’s the only independently run service station in the UK and comes replete with duck pond, dog walker trail, farm shop and butcher counter (with buy it now and Paypal facilities).

So if you’re looking for a quick weekend break, never mind the New Forest or Amsterdam. Get yourself to Tebay Services Northbound M6 for a Ginsters. Judith Chalmers eat your heart out.

If, however, you are in a rush to get home and prefer to wee in a bottle rather than using a non‐award‐winning service station, here are a few handy tips:

1 2 3

Make sure the brim is wide enough. Fruit Shoot bottles are not practical

Practise in a stationary vehicle before attempting it at 80mph

Do this in a secluded area, because if you do get arrested in a supermarket car park with your pants round your ankles while you’re wedged into a bottle of Evian, don’t try to pin it on me. n Tony Vino is a professional comedian who straddles the world of comedy clubs, festivals and churches. For more information see www.tonyvino.co.uk.

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COMMENT

JEFF LUCAS

Lucas Aid

A Driving Lesson floodlit detail the small transgressions of those around us while we totally ignore – or are even oblivious to – the jumbo jet‐sized failings in us. We strain at the gnat and swallow a three‐ humped camel in the process.

Perhaps there is actually some mischief in our critical attitudes. We zero in on the specks of sins in others’ lives, hoping that in doing so we will cover our own far darker stains. Deeply unhappy with our own grubbiness, we distil our shame and turn it into venom, ready for a snake bite that can fracture and destroy fellowship and friendship in seconds.

I WAS READY TO KILL HIM; EAGER TO SHARE A GESTURE THAT WAS NOT DISSIMILAR TO A ONE-WAY SIGN.

T

eaching your children to drive is not a good idea. Let me rephrase that. There should be a clear, biblical command prohibiting such madness; sternly advising would‐be parental driving instructors that they shall hereby be stoned to death if they attempt driving tuition. Maybe there is a verse about this buried in the ox’s gallbladders of Leviticus: “Rideth not in thine daughter’s chariot or sudden filthy great boils shall break out all over thine head”, or something similar.

It seemed like such a good idea at the time. I pictured a happy hour of parent‐child bonding. We would amble with cautious speed through the leafy lanes of Sussex, me gently encouraging, coaching and occasionally correcting Kelly’s driving technique. I would speak in calm, measured tones and she would be delighted to receive such expert instruction from her ever‐loving father. It would be such a joyous, relaxing time.

What transpired was about as relaxing as the Battle of Armageddon. Tension climbed as we gently brushed bushes and shrubs on the roadside, edging even higher when we narrowly missed a warm embrace with an articulated truck.

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It wasn’t Kelly’s fault; she was a new driver.

But her braking was, shall we say, sudden. A couple of times I found myself kissing the windscreen, my nose corrugated up against the unyielding glass. My impatience rose to dangerous levels. I even screamed loudly in tongues in an octave so high that it sounded like an excerpt from the Vienna Boys’ Choir’s Glossolalia album.

But the fever pitch of agony came when we encountered a roundabout. Kelly was nervous (understandably, seeing as Saddam Hussein was teaching her to drive), so she stalled the car a couple of times. A driver behind us got impatient and honked his horn two or three times. I was ready to kill him; eager to share a gesture that was not dissimilar to a one‐way sign. I was utterly incensed at his crass lack of understanding.

And then it occurred to me. I was angry with him for doing exactly what I had been guilty of for the previous 20 minutes. He was mildly irritated with someone he didn’t know, while I was bursting a blood vessel over the driving of my daughter, whom I dearly love.

Why is that so often we are least tolerant of the sins of others, when we ourselves are guilty of the same faults? It seems that a mad blindness seizes us, throwing into magnified,

We become like the Pharisees, who got their stomachs into serious uproar because Jesus didn’t ceremonially wash his hands, and afterwards popped off to plot his death.

Next time you’re tempted to get irate about the speck of sawdust lingering in your brother’s eye, check that you’re not carting around a coffee table‐sized plank in your own.

And avoid the sulphuric snare of Satan: just buy your kids proper driving lessons. n Jeff Lucas is an international speaker, broadcaster and author of 22 books. He loves to communicate using humour and storytelling. He is a monthly contributor to Christianity magazine and writes daily Bible reading notes, Life Every Day. Jeff holds a teaching position at Timberline Church in Colorado and is married to Kay.

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COMMENT

CARL BEECH

The Last Word

Quality Time

I

know you’re reading this well into 2014, but as I write this my mind is still well and truly focused on Christmas. Yep, it’s New Year’s Eve and having just walked the dog and settled down with a coffee I thought I would crack open the laptop for the first time in a few days and pen a few random thoughts for you blokes.

Being a dad to two teenage daughters creates the odd challenge. I used to think that the toddler phase was demanding and, previous to that, being a nappy‐changing factory wasn’t that much of a laugh if I’m totally honest. But teenage girls? That’s a tough gig!

Sure we have a lot of laughs and we all get on just great, but having to watch chick flicks?

That takes it to another level. My insistence that Rocky II is really a love story just hasn’t washed with them. Then there’s the problem of boys, fashion, makeup, hair (no, I’m not stereotyping, it’s a facet of my daily life) and the fact that they are both strong‐minded, independent types who have an extensive range of opinions on nearly everything. This isn’t so much a problem – I’ve raised them to be that way and I like it – it’s just, well, challenging.

WHY DID WE AGONISE OVER WHAT TO GET THEM FOR CHRISTMAS WHEN I COULD HAVE SPENT 35P ON AN INFLATABLE BASKETBALL?

something my wife Karen also seems to achieve.

And she could have told you about it way before the CERN facility (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) got on the case.

Back to presents. Every year since the Stone Age there have been “must‐have” presents. In 1952, it was Mr Potato Head. A million of these kits were sold. Yes, it was a kit: plastic arms, legs and a face, and they didn’t even give you a potato. In 1975, it was the Pet Rock, which was basically a rock in a box. Five million units were sold! In 1983, it was the Cabbage Patch dolls.

You can still visit the Babyland General Hospital where they were ‘conceived’ to this day!

Moving on to 1984, we had Transformers, then in 1989 the Gameboy, in 1998 the Furby (40 million sold by 2000), the PS3 in 2006 and the Zhu Zhu in 2009, which was basically a hamster with a battery. It was pretty similar to the real thing minus vet bills, smells and the need to clean the cage. Genius! Parents go to alarming lengths to buy little Timmy or Suzy the gift of a lifetime, which is then discarded within a year as the new ‘wonder toy’ pops along.

Why I am thinking about this? Because as I sit on my sofa, directly opposite me is a bright orange, inflatable basketball that came out of a set of Christmas crackers from the CVM office Christmas bash. It’s been a revelation.

My 14‐year‐old daughter hasn’t stopped playing catch with me across the house at every given opportunity and chucking it at my head when I’m sitting down reading the news.

It has left me with a burning thought, though. No, not why did we agonise over what to get them for Christmas when I could have spent 35p on an inflatable basketball? More like, when all’s said and done, what my daughters really want is time with me. n Carl is married with two daughters. He heads up Christian Vision for Men (CVM) and founded Codelife. You can follow him on Twitter @carlfbeech and on Facebook.

Beating all of this, however, is the problem of present buying for Christmas and birthdays.

What do you get teenage girls? That’s where my wife comes in, of course; she who knows the mystery of New Look, earrings and hair straighteners. Who ever knew that there were different types of hair straightener and that there is a premium brand (GHDs, apparently) that do the job of straightening better than all the others?

To me, it’s as mysterious and confusing as the Yeti or quantum mechanics. Speaking of which, according to quantum mechanics an electron can be in two places at once, which is

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