SORTED magazine : Jan / Feb 2015 by Duncan Williams

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sorted-magazine.com

JAN /F EB 2015

EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

£4.00

BEAR GRYLLS

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEWS WITH CHRISTIAN BALE, JOEL EDGERTON AND RIDLEY SCOTT

DROP THE WORRIES

SUPER BOWL

CHRISTIAN BALE LIVE FROM TAKING SPACE THE LEAD THE ULTIMATE GUIDE! STORY BY STUART WEIR

Bale on Moses: “He was a very intriguing character to play.” STORY BY

SIMON BELL AND TERRY MALLOY

In partnership with

THE DOCUMENTARY THAT TAKES YOU AROUND THE WORLD IN 90 MINUTES STORY BY STACEY HAILES

CONFESSIONS OF AN EX-PORN PRODUCER “I KNEW MEN WOULD GO CRAZY OVER THIS GIRL.”

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Vol. 9 | No. 1 | Jan/Feb 2015

www.sorted-magazine.com

100

102

73 58

FEATURES 44

ACTION 7

Military Matters with Flt Lt Jonny ‘JP’ Palmer

The Bear Facts with Bear Grylls

Free Running Sorted’s free running expert, Daniel Hugot, talked to Parkour king, Kie Willis.

Live from Space Stacey Hailes caught up with the show’s executive producer, Tom Brisley, to discuss the vision, challenges and the DVD launch.

Compassion A story of hope – dreams are made in Kenya’s biggest slum.

Confessions of an ex‐porn producer Donny Pauling shares the story of Mindy, a woman whose life he destroyed when she became a porn star.

COLUMNISTS 16

Diamond Geezer with Ant Delaney

Your Will, Mott Mine with Alex Willmott

CULTURE

4M: The Ultimate Challenge The most adventurous men’s movement is coming to the UK!

Exodus: Gods and Kings Exclusive interviews with producer, Ridley Scott, and leading stars Christian Bale and Joel Edgerton.

Scars and Stories Tim Barringer talks to Simon Guillebaud about his story of a dangerous kind of faith.

Jollie Goods A charity that comforts the homeless one pair of socks at a time.

SPORT 97

Sport Autobiographies A couple of books not to be missed!

100 A Family Aﬀair

BUSINESS 80

We’re in Business with Charles Humphreys

Relationology with Matt Bird

Bolder and Boulder with Martin Carter

Collective Action with Martin Thomas

John Harbaugh talks about competing against his brother in the Super Bowl. 102 Super Bowl XLIX

The ultimate guide by Stuart Weir.

HEALTH & FITNESS

Movies with Martin Leggatt

Television with Emily Russell

Gaming with Jim Lockey

DVD & Blu Ray with Martin Leggatt

ADVICE

Books with Mark Anderson

Smart Talk

Music with Sue Rinaldi

Big Questions with Jonathan Sherwin

HUMOUR

Money with Jon Cobb

109 Kneel‐Down Stand‐Up

Family with Richard Hardy

LIFESTYLE 33

Cars with Tim Barnes‐Clay

Road Test – The SBYKE

40 Top Gear – Gadgets and gizmos galore 42

Sixty Second Life Coach with Peter Horne

Cover picture: REX/Startraks Photo

106 Fitness with Phil Baines 107 Healthy Cooking with Mike Darracott

with Paul Kerensa 111 In Vino Veritas with Tony Vino

OPINION 92

Faith with Sam Gibb

COMMENT

Politics with Lyndon Bowring

112 Lucas Aid with Jeﬀ Lucas

Cut to the Chase with Lee and Baz

114 The Last Word with Carl Beech

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Sorted.

Founding Editor Steve Legg steve@sorted‐magazine.com Deputy Editor Stacey Hailes stacey@sorted‐magazine.com Sports Editor Stuart Weir Marketing & Advertising Rebekah Taylor rebekah@sorted‐magazine.com Duncan Williams Tel: 07960 829615 williamspublishing@yahoo.com Design Andy Ashdown Design www.andyashdowndesign.co.uk Print Halcyon www.halcyonline.co.uk Distribution Citipost © Sorted Magazine 2014 Sorted is published by Son Christian Media (SCM) Ltd. The acceptance of advertising does not indicate editorial endorsement. SCM holds names and addresses on computer for the purpose of mailing in accordance with the terms registered under the Data Protection Act 1984. Sorted is protected by copyright and nothing may be produced wholly or in part without prior permission.

Contact Sorted Magazine PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex, BN17 6WX, UK Tel: 01903 732190 E‐mail: steve@sorted‐magazine.com

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Sorted Magazine

STEVE LEGG

Up Front Foot in Mouth Syndrome

“I

t’s not what you do, it’s the way that you do it.” I can’t even remember who sang that. But they had a good point. I’ve had it brought home to me that it could also be said, “It’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it...” that’s what gets results. I was on holiday in France this summer and if I’m honest, my French is not that great. Regardless, I had popped to the shop for some lunchtime essentials. Ham, bread and butter discovered, I ventured a question to the lady behind the till. “Do you have pâté?” I asked in English with my best French accent. “Pâté?” came the quizzical reply. “Oui, pâté,” I reiterated, impressing myself with a full French sentence. “Ze party is at six,” a conﬁdent but confusing answer. “No, not party; pâté.” “Oui, the party is at six.” Confused by this misunderstanding, I turned to my trusty translator on my phone and dutifully typed pâté in, wondering if in fact it wasn’t a French word after all. My assistant waited patiently until I could show her the word. “Ah!” she said smiling, “Pâté! Non, we do not have.”

“I’VE DONE SOME WASHING UP AND, QUITE FRANKLY, I DON’T REALLY WANT TO DO ANYMORE.” I literally do not know how my pronunciation differed from hers but apparently the way that I said it was all wrong. But it’s not just the accent; I’ve just come from a conversation with my wife. (Less of a conversation, more of a challenge really). You know what I mean; we’ve just cleared up Sunday lunch, I’ve done some washing up and, quite frankly, I don’t really want to do anymore. I shove what’s left in a sink and announce that I’m leaving it to soak (a classic manoeuvre that nearly always results in me entering the kitchen at a later point, looking like I intend to finish the job, to discover it’s already done because Bekah is physically incapable of sitting down until the job is finished). I look over my shoulder at my wife who is putting the leftover veggies in pots and ask: “Are you happy with that?”

As I said, less of a conversation, or even a question, more of a challenge. I know she’s won’t be happy. I know she will wait for me to leave the room and then finish the washing up. I know she will be fed up. But I’ve phrased the question in such a way that it’s a challenge – because she has to admit to being disappointed in my efforts or I get to go watch the football. And now she can’t complain because she didn’t admit to being unhappy. Result: I got to watch the football; she has finished clearing up. I feel like a louse. Truth is, because I love my wife, instead of rolling my eyes because she won’t stop and sit down when I want to, I should find out the quickest way for us both to finish – I should have asked: “I think this dish needs a soak, what else needs doing before we can sit down?” Or yesterday, maybe instead of me saying, “I’ll leave unpacking the shopping to you because I’ll put it in the wrong place” (note the emphasis on her having unreasonable and impossibly high expectations), I should have tried, “I’m rubbish at knowing where to put everything – tell me where it goes and I’ll do it.” What we say and the way we say it matters a lot. As men, we often struggle to communicate what we actually mean and sometimes we just use that as an excuse to not even try. As this New Year dawns, my challenge to you, as well as to myself, is this: get better at it. We can be so good at deciding to join the gym, climb a mountain or learn to use a power tool, why not instead concentrate on getting our words out straight so that we use them to encourage, empower and put smiles on the faces of those we love. It’s got to be easier than asking for pâté! n

Steve Legg FOUNDING EDITOR steve@sorted-magazine.com SteveLeggUK

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ACTION

FLT LT JONNY ‘JP’ PALMER

Military Matters

The King Taking a look at the bigger picture… BY FLIGHT LIEUTENANT JONNY ‘JP’ PALMER

ne of the most celebrated musicians of the 20th century. Commercially successful across genres from pop to gospel and holding the title of best‐ selling solo artist in the history of recorded music. A man with 600 million estimated album sales worldwide, he has been nominated for 14 competitive Grammys, winning three and receiving the Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award at 36 years of age. Inducted into no less than 15 music Halls of Fame, it’s no wonder Elvis Presley was undisputedly, “The King”. Conscripted into US military service in 1958, Elvis was convinced that his career was over. But the King wasn’t dead, he was just taking a break and during this two‐year hiatus another “King” was born when the Sikorsky SH‐3 Sea King first took to the sky. Originally designed to be an all‐American answer to the Soviet concept that, where submarines were concerned, quantity has a quality of its own, this five‐bladed, twin‐ engined, nuclear capable anti‐submarine warfare (ASW) helicopter was a landmark design. One of the earliest ASW helicopters fitted with turboshaft engines, and the

first amphibious helicopter in the world. It was not long after its debut in the US Navy that it had proven its worth, and was almost immediately put to tasks other than hunting for the Red October. From fishing astronauts from the sea to combat search and rescue and even transporting the President of the United States as “Marine Corps One”, the US military alone had more variants of Sea King than Elvis had Grammy nominations. Faster than Sun Records signed Presley, 15 countries had placed orders to take on this record‐breaking helicopter with a select few given the licence to build. Thus, the Westland WS‐61 Sea King was born. This Brit‐built version differs hugely from its American cousin, with a pair of Rolls‐Royce H1400‐2 Gnome engines replacing General Electric’s equivalents, up‐rating to a combined output of 3,320SHP and increasing range by over 250KM. British‐made anti‐submarine warfare systems and a fully computerised flight control system were also added to bring it up to British fighting trim. Since 1969 the Westland Sea King has been heavily utilised by both the Royal Navy and the RAF seeing action in the Falklands, Gulf, Balkans, Sierra Leone and Iraq. Until very recently, the Westland Sea King was on active service in Afghanistan. f

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ACTION

Just like its American counterpart the Westland Sea King wouldn’t allow itself to be a one‐trick pony and the boys down in the Yeovil‐based helicopter company have tinkered with it to provide a wide range of capabilities. One of the most extensively modified variants was the Westland Commando. Designated as the Sea King HC4 by the Royal Navy and the “Junglie” by its crews, the Commando has capacity for up to 28 fully equipped troops and with an operational range of up to 600 nautical miles without refuelling, became a central asset for getting Royal Marines from their ship to the fight. Another major development for the Sea King came during the Falklands War where a number of warships were lost, in part, due to the lack of a dedicated Airborne Early Warning (AEW) platform. Consequently, two were modified with the addition of the Thorn‐EMI ARI 5930/3 Searchwater radar. These prototypes, designated HAS2, were both flying within 11 weeks of the order and immediately deployed to the south Atlantic on HMS Illustrious. Proving invaluable for protecting the fleet, the order quickly grew to a total of 13 Sea Kings in AEW fit. They have since seen several upgrade programmes to keep them at the forefront of early warning operations and were used extensively in Afghanistan to scan convoy paths for roadside bombs, keeping the risk to our guys on the ground as low as possible.

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAVE TOO MANY LIVES TO MAKE A CAREER WORTHWHILE.” However, the Sea King is perhaps best known around home waters in its capacity as the backbone of the Search and Rescue (SAR) Force. RAF Sea Kings operate six flights, with the Royal Navy a further two, each flight is equipped with two Sea Kings, one of which is kept on 15 minute readiness by day and 45 minutes by night. The coastguard top this up to give a total of 12 SAR stations in strategic locations around the UK, giving vital coverage across Britannia and her surrounding waters with the UK SAR Force responding to nearly 2000 incidents last year alone. Spending their life either on duty or standby, the SAR crews are pretty hard to pin down. But between “shouts” Sorted managed to catch up with Flight Lieutenant Dave Wells, currently serving on 22 Squadron’s “C Flight” at RAF Valley. Having flown Search and Rescue Sea Kings for the last five years, and with over 250 rescues to his name, Dave jumped at the opportunity to enthuse over his job. “I love it,” he told Sorted. “I mean, you don’t have to save too many lives to make a career worthwhile.”

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Dave would know: RAF Valley was the busiest SAR Flight in 2013 rescuing some 352 people. “Like this one,” he went on pulling a curled piece of paper from one of his flying suit’s myriad of pockets, “I keep this email on me. I remember it was four in the morning, it’s very rare to be airborne at that hour but we’d been tasked to look for a bridge jumper who never materialised. Within seconds of being called off task another request came in, looking for a young woman, dressed as a bumblebee. She’d got into a bit of difficulty after a long night out and had gone off by herself to the beach. “We thought we’d make a quick pass down the waterfront first and it was a good job we did; I caught a flicker of something through my chin window which drew my eyes onto her. I called it and we prepared for the rescue. About five metres out on the approach she sank under the water so the winchman went straight in after her. She wasn’t breathing so the guys down the back resuscitated as we flew to the hospital. About a week later we got this email, basically saying, ‘Cheers for saving my life’.” This kind of thing is bread and butter in SAR so I asked Dave why this rescue was so poignant for him. “Normally we’re on 45 minutes standby at night and it was another half an hour to the rescue site so by rights she should have been dead an hour before we even got there. But, because of the spurious bridge‐jumper it was only about a minute between us getting the call and spotting her. There also had to be someone else on the beach at four AM to call it in, and searching in those conditions at night is like looking for a needle in a haystack. It just struck me that her dying that night just wasn’t part of the bigger picture; and that I had played my part by being there to get her out.” Wells is the son of a preacher man and I asked if his faith informs that bigger picture. “Yeah, I’m a firm believer that when God wants something to happen He will move the pieces to get it done. It’s one of the reasons I love my job so much, just knowing that I’m available to be one of those pieces.” Sadly, as Elvis’ fans found out in the summer of ‘77, the King can’t live forever and the same is true for the helicopter. A workhorse for over 50 years, we will soon no longer see the yellow hull of an RAF rescue helicopter over Snowdonia or the sleek grey of the navy fishing swimmers out of the English Channel. Search and Rescue will be privatised by 2016 and the Sea King’s war roles already in the process of being handed over to the next generation of military hardware. However, just as the King is still remembered by the millions of fans still putting his music into number one slots around the world, the WS‐61 Westland Sea King will live on in the memories of those who have glimpsed the bigger picture whilst being winched out of danger. n

Flight Lieutenant Jonny ‘JP’ Palmer joined the RAF in 2006 and has since ﬂown in support of operations in Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya. Now a ﬂying instructor, he lives with his wife and three children in Lincolnshire. He is a proud member of the Armed Forces Christian Union (AFCU) and loves making Jesus known in the military. Follow him on Twitter @FollowJonnyP.

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ACTION

BEAR GRYLLS

The Bear Facts

Worry Worries Mighty adventurer, Bear Grylls, oﬀers some great advice in this issue’s excerpt of A Survival Guide.

ne of my oldest buddies from Everest and the SAS, Mick Crosthwaite, once gave me this sound advice: “Don’t worry about anything that’s outside your sphere of influence.” Or in other words: if you can’t change it, don’t fret it. Think about it. What do you worry most about? Is it inside or outside your sphere of influence? You see, most of us fret and panic about stuff we have no control over – things we can’t change. Mick’s advice made me realise that if I can’t change it, I just won’t worry about it. Instead, spend the time and mental energy effecting positive change where you can, not where you can’t.

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING THAT’S OUTSIDE YOUR SPHERE OF INFLUENCE.” It is sound advice, but it isn’t how most people live. Mark Twain famously said that he had spent most of his life worrying about things that never happened. I think people probably do this a lot. It is partly why so few get to where they dream of. They dare not... just in case. Fears and worries – about things that are long passed, or that may never materialise in our future – all weigh us down and slow us up. So where you can, drop the worries. Jesus talked a lot about this, and this was a guy who

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had some serious reasons to worry. After all, he was about to be tortured to death on a cross, bearing the pain and burden of every bad deed and thought ever done by mankind. Now that is a proper‐sized weight to carry! But yet he still said: “Cast your burdens on to me, for I care for you.” That verse is a good thing to remember, and it has helped me so many times to overcome some pretty big worries. Even if you find it hard to believe for yourself, and even if you haven’t quite figured out all the theological details, just try it for the heck of it! What do you have to lose, apart from a little pride? (And pride is never a great thing to have too much of anyway.) So just claim Christ’s promise over your concerns. Close your eyes and pass them upstairs to Him. He has developed an awesome habit over the last few thousand years of answering simple, honest, heart‐led prayers. Pass them up, then let them go. And one final word on worrying. Remember this: The past is history, the future a mystery but the ‘now’ is a gift – that’s why we call it the Present. You must learn to live in the Present. Embrace it, relish it, work it, cherish it. It doesn’t last for ever. n Bear Grylls is an adventurer, writer and television presenter. He is best known for his television series Born Survivor, known as Man Vs Wild in the US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. Bear spent three years in the SAS and is one of the youngest Britons to climb Mount Everest, doing so at the age of 23. In July 2009, he became the youngest ever Chief Scout at the age of 35.

If you want to read on, we strongly recommend investing in a copy. It’s available from all good bookshops and online retailers, and it could just help you make the changes that you need to introduce in order to turn your life around.

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ACTION

The Art of Motion Earlier this month Sorted’s free running expert, Daniel Hugot, ﬂew over from France to spend the day in London with Parkour King, Kie Willis. Here is all you need to know about the creative martial discipline… Sorted. Jan/Feb 2015

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ACTION The reality these days is that the two have almost merged. Practitioners now rarely associate with one or the other, although there is still some divided opinion over whether free running should be a competitive sport or not. Nowadays there are competitions around the world, including the yearly “Red Bull Art of Motion” competitions, which became the first major competition involving Parkour and free running in the world in 2007 in Vienna. Kie Willis competes as part of the UK based Storm free running team and takes part in competitions around the world. Kie Willis is one of the world’s leading free runners and is a leading light in the UK free running scene, competing for Storm Freerun. Kie has been competing on the highest level for the last five years. In total he has nine years of training behind him and seven years of professional experience. He became interested in the sport when living in Glastonbury and is currently based in London. He first got into free‐running when he was at school. He used to be a keen skateboarder and was on the athletics team at school, so when he watched a documentary on free‐running he immediately saw it as the perfect

F Kie Willis D.O.B: December 1988 Height: 6ft Weight: 11.5st Build: Athletic Parkour Experience: Nine years training, seven years professional Sponsors: Storm Freerun, Multipower Sportsfood and Fastbreak Bags

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or those who haven’t heard of free running, it’s a relatively new urban sport often referred to as “Urban Acrobatics”. It is unique in that all you need to take part is yourself and your surroundings. Free‐running emerged as an off‐shoot of Parkour, which became popular in France and then Worldwide in the 1990s through early practitioners David Belle and Sebastien Foucan who developed the discipline from “La Method Naturelle” used by the French Military. Parkour is known as the art of moving efficiently and quickly through obstacles – a mindset that allows you to find the most efficient route to overcome any obstacles. David Belle was firmly in this camp – seeing Parkour as a strict discipline revolving around getting from point A to point B in the quickest and most efficient fashion. Foucan started to move away from the strict discipline of Parkour into what he called “free running”. His interpretation differed from Parkour because it added in a creative element. While Parkour is about finding the optimum route through any obstacles, free running adds self‐expression and creativity to the mix, allowing participants to interpret routes in their own unique way. Free running is all about using your creative mind and your physical attributes to overcome the obstacles that the environment around you places in front of you – in the most stylish way possible. And most importantly, unlike Parkour, free running could be competitive.

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ACTION combination of the two and has been hooked ever since. Willis enjoyed a successful 2011, finishing fourth, third and then second in his three Red Bull Art of Motion events in London, Japan and Kuwait respectively. He capped this off by winning the Puma Free Running race in Argentina and also won the “Sickest Trick” award at the Red Bull Art of Motion event in Japan. In 2012, Kie celebrated great success by winning the World Parkour Masters in China. The tournament, which took place in the Wudang Mountain Range in China’s Hubei province, attracted some of the world’s elite Parkour athletes. In June 2013, Willis won the speed contest at the Jambo Urban Summer Festival competition in Bologna, Italy. He has spent 2014 working on his speed and power and is looking forward to a big 2015. Kie has appeared in many successful TV, film and event productions and is well known on YouTube for such hits as “Professor Longhair, Big Chief”, which racked over 3.4 million views to date and has been featured on CNN and hit UK TV show RudeTube. n Kie Willis uses Multipower Sportsfood who are celebrating 25 years of Fit Protein #StillGoingStrong. Visit: www.multipower.com

Kit Bag

Trainers Interesting Free Running/ Parkour Facts

“I use K-Swiss SI 18 Rannell. They provide the perfect combination of comfort, support, grip, cushioning and most importantly style.” www.kswiss.co.uk

Parkour was developed from a French discipline called “La method Naturelle” which was used by the French Military for overcoming all obstacles and situations using swimming, climbing, running, jumping etc.

Clothing “I only ever wear Storm Free Run gear. It’s stylish and comfortable so is ideal.” http://shop.stormfreerun.com

There has only ever been one known death as a result of Parkour despite it appearing as such a dangerous sport. Parkour practitioners are meticulous in their planning and preparation and thus minimise any risks.

Multipower “Multipower’s sports nutrition products really help me with my hectic training and competing schedule. I’d recommend their Fit Protein product, which has really helped me develop my muscle strength this year in training.” www.multipower.com

The name for someone taking part in Parkour or free running is a “Traceur” – which literally means “Tracing” or “Tracing a Path”.

The Streets/ Rooftops of London “Probably the most important thing – having a good outdoor playground to hone your skills on. Being based in London I’m very lucky to have such a wide variety of locations to practice on. Start small and then as you improve, you’ll start seeing opportunities for new exciting routes in everything around you.”

You can gain a qualification in Parkour and free running teaching – ADAPT (Art du Deplacement and Parkour Teaching). Achieving this qualification means that you are approved to teach the discipline of Parkour/Art du Deplacement.

The initial group of founders of Parkour, originating from Lisses in France, are known as the “Yamakasi”.

Sebastian Foucan, one of the original founders of Parkour and a “Yamakasi”, appeared in the infamous chase scene at the beginning of James Bond Movie Casino Royale as well as in the music video to Madonna’s 2005 hit Jump.

Camera for filming yourself to understand technique – what to improve/change

Sorted recommend the Kitvision Splash camera

“Watching yourself back is one of the most effective ways of improving. It lets you see where you are doing things wrong and subtle flaws in your technique which you might not otherwise pick up. It’s also just awesome to be able to watch yourself back doing cool stuff.”

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COLUMNISTS

ANTHONY DELANEY

Diamond Geezer

Are You Dependable?

ight now, I am busy pulling together lecture material for the courses I teach at Westminster Theological Centre on “Transformational Leadership”. The great news is I am never short of material ‐ the Bible itself is full of instruction for leaders. Check out the letters the apostle Paul wrote to his apprentice Timothy – motivational masterpieces in how to get the very best out of someone. Paul paints great word pictures too so his spiritual son would become a man worth following. For the next few Diamond Geezer columns I’ll give you one of his pictures to think about. Here’s the first: You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. The original Greek for hardship is “Kakopatheo” – for when life feels kakky and pathetic. He doesn’t say, “Enjoy it” – if you enjoy it, there’s something wrong with you ‐ but you can endure hardship. In ancient literature the word was used to describe the slog of military service. Don’t expect an easy life. The word used isn’t about officers; it’s the lowest rank. A squaddie. Don’t complain about the rations and the marching. It comes with the territory. It’s essential for victory. The secret of a soldier’s success? Be DEPENDABLE. Do what you’re told! Because others depend on you.

He aims to please his commander. Your input? “Yes Sir!” We don’t like that in Civvie Street. It’s doesn’t give me room for my artistic flair and personal expression. Are you dependable? You let your yes be yes and your no be no. You’ll do what you said. On time. The best you can. No excuses. Whether you feel like it or not. If you’re meant to go to the gym, the time’s in the diary and your bag’s ready. If you have an appointment with God for prayer, you’re there with your Bible and journal. If you’re meant to be at work, or doing some task serving His church, people know – you’ll be there. Dependable simply means if you said you would, you will. 27 years ago the minister asked me, “Will you?” I said, “I will” ‐ and I will! I’ll love my wife, excluding all others, for better for worse. She depends on me. Paul and Timothy were living in occupied territory because the Roman army was the finest the world had ever seen. Every soldier expected to “endure hardship”. In addition to heavy weapons an infantry soldier was compelled to carry a saw, a basket, a pickaxe, an axe, a thong of leather, and a hook – together with three days rations. He kept only one thing in his sights: the service of his commander. He was not allowed to marry, he could not engage in agriculture, trade, or manufacture. He was a soldier ‐ and could not be anything else. Anyone else remember 300 at this point? “What is your occupation, Spartan?” Rate yourself one to ten. Are you

“ARE YOU DEPENDABLE? YOU LET YOUR YES BE YES AND YOUR NO BE NO. YOU’LL DO WHAT YOU SAID. ON TIME. THE BEST YOU CAN. NO EXCUSES.” dependable? Do the people relying on you, know they can? Before you ask God for another task, did you do the last thing you were told to do by God ‐ and give it 100%? I know it’s tough! Don’t bail out! Endure hardship. Like a good soldier of Christ. The Bible says our Captain knows suffering ‐ he endured the cross, despising its shame. How? For the joy set before him... because he knew it would accomplish something great – that it would bring you and me back to God. Do what you said ‐ stick at your post. Do what you’re told, like a good soldier. And join me in praying for our Armed Forces around the globe, because they know what hardship is. n

Anthony Delaney leads the Ivy Churches in Manchester and New Thing UK. He teaches Transformational Leadership for Westminster Theological Centre. @anthonydelaney @IvyChurchHub @WTCTheology

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RUNNING HEAD COLUMNISTS

ALEX WILLMOTT

Your Will, Mott Mine

Death and All His Friends

t’s late and I’m on a train home. London always takes it out of a Valley Boy like me. The suit I bought for the conference was too thick, and now I’m easily the sweatiest man on this crowded East Coast vehicle. Amongst the loud and proud conversations filling the carriage, I sit in silence and watch a short film featuring a 29‐year‐old woman who has 15 days to live. I’m 30 years old. Maybe it’s the tiredness of the corporate orgasm I’ve just been contributing to, or the fact I had to wake up at 5.45am today, but this dying woman catches me off guard. I try to hide my tears from the suits around me. But it’s no use. There are no secrets in London. I slam my headphones in like bullets into a shotgun chamber. I know my Sorted magazine article deadline is up in three days, and I have to stick to my personal criteria for any writing exercise; the most meaningful event gets the column inches. This is the most meaningful event by a thousand country miles. A young woman just six months younger than me has two weeks left on this Earth. Her name is Brittany and she’s married. And by the time

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you’re reading this, she would have died. I’ve never met her but I weep. My emotion doesn’t suit my pompous attire.

“I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME OR COMPASSION TO ASSIST THOSE IN NEED. I’M NOTHING. I’M NO ONE.” I can’t help her. I’m just a jumped up journalist with a chequered track record in almost everything I’ve ever done. Who on earth can I help? I don’t have enough money or space to house the homeless. I don’t have enough time or compassion to assist those in need. I’m nothing. I’m no one. My soaked suit cloaks me in the pitiful costume I deserve. Brittany has more to give to this battered world than I could ever fathom and she has a fortnight left. What have I become? I search my emails for no reason other than taking my mind off the moment. And in my outbox sits last week’s email to my church leader.

It’s basically in response to an idea that came to me as I passed two homeless men in York: The #WinterCoat appeal. A very simple idea that consists of my mates and I giving our winter coats away to the city’s homelessness initiative. That’s it. That’s all I have. Scrubbing the tears from my face with the cuffs of my suit, I let both my church and my council know exactly how we’re going to keep the homeless people warm this winter. No meetings needed; no red tape warranted. This is happening whether or not I have the support of others. And why? Because this life is like sh*t off a stick; rapid and messy. And Jesus told us exactly what we can do, despite the overwhelming hood of helplessness that covers our faces. One of those things was to clothe the naked. I’ll start there. And when I see Brittany in the timeless Kingdom, I’ll be sure to do two things. 1 Thank her for sharing her story that sparked a Valley Boy like me into doing something worthwhile for those I actually can help. 2 Buy that woman a drink. n

Alex Willmott penned the epic Selah trilogy. Former newspaper journalist, sports fanatic and local football manager, Alex took a vow to live life to the full after reading the book of John in the Bible aged 16. Visit www.alexwillmott.com for more information. @alexinboxes

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MOVIES

With Martin Leggatt

American Sniper Bradley Cooper stars as real‐life U.S Navy Seal, Chris Kyle, in this Clint Eastwood‐directed adaptation of Kyle’s autobiography of the same name. Chris Kyle was a highly decorated sniper specialist in the elite U.S Navy SEALs (a military unit very similar to the UK’s SAS) and holds the record for the most confirmed kills as a combatant. This is something that Kyle himself always played down, preferring to celebrate the number of people whose lives his actions had saved. Kyle’s story recounts his incredible military service through several tours of duty in Iraq, which not only saw him earn the nickname “Legend” but also a bounty of $80,000 being placed on his head by the enemy insurgents who gave him the name “Devil of Ramadi”. The military action of his life is juxtaposed against the struggles and pressures of maintaining his long‐ distance relationship with his wife Tara Renae, played by Sienna Miller, and children. After completing his

four tours of service in Iraq and returning to civilian life, Chris finds that although he has left the war behind the war won’t leave him. After leaving the forces he engages in many of the usual professions for ex‐Special Forces personnel but also works with veterans with disabilities and post‐traumatic stress disorders.

It was this worthy work that ultimately lead to his own tragic death when he and a colleague, Chad Littlefield, were shot by a third veteran former Marine, Eddie Ray Routh. At last, a serious role to showcase Cooper’s undoubted talent in this powerful and moving true story.

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Avengers: Age of Ultron At last another long‐awaited instalment of this highly successful and entertaining Avengers franchise, and another chance for me to get my Tony Stark/Iron Man fix as it hits the big screen. In this latest Joss Whedon instalment James Spader, fresh from his excellent and compelling TV role as bad guy Red Reddington in The Blacklist, plays the titular Ultron, a self‐aware artificial intelligence entity created by Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) programmed with what turns out to be the worst elements of Stark’s

personality. Ultron, overcome by a kind of “God complex”, decides that the only way of salvation for planet Earth will be the complete annihilation of the human race. The Avengers, led by Nick Fury (Samuel L.Jackson) have to race to save the day. All the familiar favourites are back – Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) – as they battle not only Ultron, but encounters with Vision (Paul

Bettany, who previously voiced Jarvis). I get a lot of stick form my friends who are all under the misunderstanding that Batman is the best superhero when we all really know that it’s Iron Man and this film looks set to showcase the duality of Tony Stark’s complex character, the mixture of vain egomaniac finely balanced with the selfless, conscientious superhero. My verdict: another Marvel‐ous instalment and another outing for my favourite superhero.

With an awesome supporting cast including Oprah Winfrey, Cuba Gooding Jr, Giovanni Ribisi and rapper Common, this recreation of the dangerous and terrifying story

that led to President Johnson introducing the Voting Rights Act of 1965 looks set to be a multi‐award winner that could possibly eclipse 12 Years in the Oscar stakes.

Selma

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Atsushi Nishijima

Brad Pitt is proving to be a producer of great films to rival his skills as an excellent actor. Following up on his collaboration on 12 Years a Slave, comes this dramatization of Martin Luther King’s history making 1965 “Selma to Montgomery, Alabama” march to secure voting rights for African‐Americans, alongside fellow civil rights leaders James Bevel, Hosea Williams and John Lewis. Directed by Ava DuVernay, this potential award winner stars English actors David Oyelowo (The Butler) as King, Tom Wilkinson as President Lyndon B. Johnson, and Tim Roth (although he’s been in America so long I think he qualifies more as an American) as George Wallace. Director Ava DuVernay has said: “This story will resonate deeply with not only those brave men and women who fought for voting rights alongside Dr. King, but also the countless millions of people who continue to fight against discrimination in voting today.”

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Taken 3 Liam’s back and more gravelly voiced than ever in this third outing for the world’s toughest and most tenacious pensioner. This time Bryan Mills is accused of a murder that he is innocent of (amongst that huge tally of people that he has already killed as a vigilante). After battling to save his daughter, then his wife, himself and his daughter, this time it’s all about self‐preservation as he metes

out his own peculiar methods of investigation to find the real killer all the while pursued by that most dogged of policemen that only seem to exist in this particular genre of movie. Famke Janssen and Maggie Grace reprise their roles as Mills’ wife and daughter, and the impressive cast boasts the additions of Forest Whittaker, Dougray Scott and Al

Sapienza, an actor who always plays policemen. I really loved the original film: it was fresh and had a really impacting storyline; the second had gone off the boil a little and this third, although still an action‐packed, fast‐ paced thriller, looks to have been diluted just a little too much. And did they really have to stylise it as TAK3N?

Mortdecai This film looks to be the surprise comedy hit of the New Year with Johnny Depp camping up as best as only Johnny Depp can do. The cast is also absolutely top notch: Depp is joined by Paul Bettany, Olivia Munn (Joanna in Magic Mike), Ewan McGregor, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Goldblum and Oliver Platt all on

top form. Mortdecai (Depp) is an art dealer in search of a stolen painting that could lead the owner to a horde of millions in Nazi gold. In his quest he must contend with Russians (the go‐ to bad guys these days), MI5, an international terrorist and a wife with impossibly long legs relying

only on his natural charm and Thirties‐movie star good looks. Depp plays the part with his usual gusto and bravado, making even the legendary Jack Sparrow seem a shrinking violet by comparison. The end result is somewhere between Monsieur Hulot and Terry Thomas in this rip‐roaring, rollicking adventure.

Martin Leggatt is married to Sue and father to Aaron, Sam, Hope and Paige. He’s a self‐confessed movie geek, although his tastes run to an eclectic assortment of action, thriller, black and white, war and pretentious (as Sue would say) art house ﬁlms. Martin’s favourite ﬁlm is Powell and Pressburger’s A Matter of Life and Death. @martylegg

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TELEVISION With Emily Russell

BBC/Dusan Martincek

Faithful Servants “THE FREQUENT RISKS AND PAIN ARE WORTH IT, FOR KING AND COUNTRY, FOR EACH OTHER AND FOR A HARD AND DANGEROUS BUT OFTEN FULFILLING LIFE WELL-LIVED.”

ales of Alexandre Dumas’ Musketeers – brave, loyal, honourable, and skilled with a sword – have thrilled audiences for years, thanks to several beloved film adaptations. Now, the BBC has brought the Musketeers’ swashbuckling adventures to the television screen. In Paris 1630, King Louis XIII of France (Ryan Gage) is guarded by a troop of brave soldiers, his Musketeers. Among them are brooding Athos (Tom Burke), ladies’ man Aramis (Santiago Cabrera), and rough‐edged gambler Porthos (Howard Charles). Joining them is the young and impulsive d’Artagnan (Luke Pasqualino), at first mistakenly seeking revenge on the Musketeers for his father’s death but then desiring to join their ranks instead. Meanwhile, nefarious figures such as Cardinal Richelieu (Peter Capaldi) secretly scheme to gain power and lessen the Musketeers. The Musketeers will have to stand together in order to keep France and its royal rulers safe. There’s high‐spirited action, secrets, angst, and romantic yearning a‐plenty in The

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Musketeers, characterised by sword fights, musket blasts, and dialogue a little too modern for its historical setting (not to mention the occasional distinctly non‐period costume). It’s not everyone’s ideal vision of Dumas’ famous characters, though personally I enjoy the action, energy, and interesting developing friendships and relationships. The characters all have intriguing layers, and the Musketeers do what is right in their own unique way, even though those around them frequently don’t approve. The Musketeers are loyal to their king and country but most especially to each other. There’s little they wouldn’t do for one another, bound together by brotherly love and shared experiences. While their loyalty and friendship can often drag them into trouble, it’s also a strength that sees them continuously succeed as they work together and trust each other, no matter what. The group is clearly a family that they’ve chosen, value and all rely on. They need each other to survive and to live. It’s an exciting but dangerous world ‐ Athos faces death by firing squad and d’Artagnan’s father is killed. D’Artagnan’s landlady, Constance (Tamla Kari),

disapproves. “If only men would think instead of fight, there might be more good ones left,” she points out, though she’s later amusingly keen to learn how to use a musket and sword. Often the Musketeers fight to survive, but they also fight because they’re good at it and honestly, because they enjoy it. It’s a life filled with risks, physical and emotional – Aramis and Queen Anne (Alexandra Dowling) dangerously develop feelings for each other and Athos and the villainous Milady de Winter (Maimie McCoy) share a tragic painful past that has left them both wounded and bitter. But the Musketeers believe that the frequent risks and pain are worth it, for king and country, for each other and for a hard and dangerous but often fulfilling life well‐lived. n Emily Russell has a degree in Media and Film Studies and works as an administrator for the NHS. She wrote Culturewatch articles for the Damaris Trust website for eight years and watches far too much science‐ﬁction and fantasy, crime shows, and wrestling. She is married to Anthony. Her articles about ﬁlms can be found at emilyrussellwrites.wordpress.com @funkyinfishnet

Series Two of The Musketeers is due to start airing on BBC One soon. Series One is available on DVD.

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GAMING With Jim Lockey

Play Smart. Look Stupid.

here are a great many gaming accessories available out there from trigger button augmentations to computer mice with 16 buttons and giant click wheels. But today I want to look at two products that, although not originally intended as game enhancing hardware, can be deployed to make our sedentary pursuit more amazing.

First up is The Everything Chair II, an inflatable chair for the man cave that doubles as a virtually complete entertainment hub. What it lacks in beauty – and it really lacks – The Everything Chair makes up for in features. And who cares what it looks like when you’re sitting in it (except maybe your partner). Parking your backside on this PVC monstrosity is surprisingly comfortable after the squeaking dies down. And it features an inbuilt amplifier with twin headrest mounted speakers that give you an

eardrum blowing stereo experience. The sound is pretty decent when you use the amp, and it can really improve the experience of immersion in your games. There are pockets in the front of the Everything Chair, which are just right for Nintendo Game Boys, Sony PSPs, Sega Nomads, and even a sub roll or two. When you’re not gaming you can also settle down to read Sorted, thanks to side mounted magazine racks.

£79.99 online

Maximise your gaming comfort with the MusucBag. Originally intended to give campers more freedom than the traditional sleeping bag, this suit allows for extended late night gaming as the winter nights roll in. Never get up to adjust the heating again as this suit will keep you warm, and if you get too hot then simply open up one of the attractive leg vents. The MusucBag is my gaming fashion item of the year and, what’s more, if you get the blue version, you can pretend that you’re Megaman whilst you play Megaman. The MusucBag is filled with clever features, from brightly coloured, snagless zips, to hand coverings that can be tucked away with velcro to allow for a proper grip on your game pad of choice. Sure the MusucBag was designed to allow complete freedom of movement but why not use it to sit around and play games. It’s like being in bed even when you’re up!

£99 online

You know how it is when you’re deep in a game and you have to get up and go to bed or venture to the kitchen to find food. It’s those pesky little things we have to do to stay alive. Well, these products eliminate the need to stand for those tasks. The only improvement that could be made would be if you could plumb your Everything Chair II into the toilet, then you’d never have to stand up again!

Jim is a lifelong gamer and lives in Kent with his wife and children. He is also an artist and curator. His website is www.jimlockey.co.uk and his PSN name is tearfulminotaur.

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DVD & BLU RAY With Martin Leggatt

Photo by Dominique Charriau/WireImage

Calling Mr Jones

he other day I was talking at work about the potential heresy of remaking the classic BBC television series Dad’s Army. I learned that a colleague of mine had a brother who was being touted to be in the ﬁlm and when I asked whom he would be playing I was told, “Captain Mainwaring” – and after I

asked my colleague whom his brother was, he replied, “Toby Jones”. I was immediately impressed, but could also understand how my friend had not been the kind of person to wear his sibling’s fame like a badge. It would appear that both brothers share a quiet assurance and self‐ eﬀacing humility that is a rarity in these days of self‐aggrandisement. In every interview I had seen Toby Jones give he had behaved with the quiet modesty of his less famous sibling. When I went home I discussed this revelation with my family; my youngest daughter (who I have been accused of indoctrinating into my weird movie tastes) replied with a maturity exceeding her years that to remake the classic series was tantamount to treason. However, when I mentioned that Mr Jones would be playing Captain Mainwaring, she was delighted. Apparently he was “awesome in the St Trinian’s films” as a downtrodden and harassed bursar at the country’s worst school for young ladies. He was even more impressive in The

Hunger Games franchise, which we have enjoyed as family viewing, as the announcer Claudius Templesmith. Delivering the trademark: “And may the odds be ever in your favour,” when announcing anything from a banquet to the beginning of the games, his distinctive voice resonates in large booming tones. If you aren’t familiar with his name then I’m sure that you’ll be more than acquainted with his face as he has recently played Lance in BBC’s Detectorists, or more possibly his voice (he is literally the man of a thousand voices). Toby Jones has an unparalleled gift for vocal mimicry; his mastery of the accent is perhaps even better than that of the other great, big screen practitioner, Michael Fassbender. Jones’ was the voice of Dobby, the house Elf in Harry Potter series (another personal favourite of my youngest daughter) and his finest examples can be seen and heard in his roles as Alfred Hitchcock and the writer Truman Capote.

“BEING OVERSHADOWED BUT OUTPERFORMING ANOTHER ACTOR THREATENED TO BECOME A TRADEMARK FOR JONES.”

St Trinian’s

The Hunger Games

Harry Potter

REX/c.Artiﬁcial Eye/Everett

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REX/c.Focus/Everett

Snow White and The Huntsman

“NOW I NEVER SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD, AND HOFFMAN WAS AN INCREDIBLY TALENTED ACTOR, BUT JONES’ PERFORMANCE WAS FAR BETTER.” by a bunch of very savvy, wise cracking dwarves, amongst whom is Toby Jones. In fact, it is the interaction between the dwarves and their very punchy dialogue that sees them steal every scene they appear in. Some of his other roles have been a little edgier. He was Gilderoy in the behind‐the‐sofa scary Berberian Sound Studio. In this film Gilderoy is a sound engineer working on the set of an Italian horror movie when things take a decidedly scarier step for the worst. It is literally a film

where life suddenly imitates art. If this doesn’t scare you, then you could always step it up a gear and watch the exorcism shockfest The Rite in which he plays Father Matthew alongside Anthony Hopkins, Ciaran Hinds and Rutger Hauer. His Sir Percy Alleline, chief of the British Secret Service, in the remake of the classic spy thriller Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, is a work of skilful, serpentine skulduggery that surpasses the original, rather dry performance by Michael Aldridge in the excellent TV version. n

Infamous

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy REX/c.Warner Br/Everett

He plays Alfred Hitchcock in The Girl based on the unhealthy relationship between the great director and his muse on The Birds, the actress Tipi Hedren. Unable to physically match the bulk and resemblance of Hitchcock, Jones’ portrayal of the larger than life director is sublime, eclipsing that of Anthony Hopkins in the same role in the bigger budget Hitchcock. This is totally down to his mastery in capturing the voice and mannerisms of Hitchcock to perfection. In fact, being overshadowed but outperforming another actor threatened to become a trademark for Jones as this formula was repeated with his fantastic portrayal of the legendary writer Truman Capote in Infamous against the more lauded, big budget Capote with the late, great Philip Seymour Hoffman in the titular role. Now I never speak ill of the dead, and Hoffman was an incredibly talented actor, but Jones’ performance was far better. Again, it was all about Jones’ superb skills of vocal elasticity that gave him the edge. Infamous chapters the period when Capote was researching for his book In Cold Blood and struck up a very close personal relationship with convicted killers Dick Hickock and Perry Smith. It has a very strong supporting cast including Sigourney Weaver, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sandra Bullock, Jeff Daniels and Daniel Craig and were it not for the Hoffman film, would have received a lot more plaudits and success. Another cross‐generation film that I enjoy and that I’ve watched with the family is Snow White and The Huntsman. A reworking of the classic fairy‐tale story, this reverses the tale and sees the Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) saving a very feisty Snow White (Kristin Stewart) ably assisted

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BOOKS

With Mark Anderson

Engrossing Autobiographies

An all-action book! Henk is all about getting blokes to challenge their limits, to find themselves inside and out

JJJJJ

More Fool Me Stephen Fry Egotistical, a national treasure, an encyclopedia of knowledge, activist, atheist and manic depressant – all words to describe the divisive Stephen Fry. What man has three autobiographies? Well, Stephen does. I have read his first two and found them extremely interesting. I find him both wonderful and terribly sad. He comes across as a man who seems to always be searching for something. Tortured, charismatic, a pure enigma.

JJJJJ

The 4th Musketeer Henk Stoorvogel Henk Stoorvogel ﬂipped and ﬂapped over what he should do as a ministry until his wife eventually got sick and tired and decided to give him the push he needed! “Why don’t you start something? Not an ordinary men’s ministry but a movement unlike any other men’s movement.” Henk responded by stepping up to the mantle and setting up 4th Musketeer!

The Second Half Roy Keane Whether you view him as the maestro of one of the greatest footballing teams in British history or the overrated, arrogant, “crab” of football who hid in a team full of superiors – there is no doubt that Keano is controversial and divides

opinion. His falling out of favour with Sir Alex has been well documented for years, and Roy does not hold back. However, I am not one of his fans, I think he has thrown everyone out of his life who has hurt him and is a loose cannon that may need to see a shrink. The Second Half, by nature of the title, is the second part to his ﬁrst book, which centered on Roy growing up in Ireland and his playing abilities. It was much about him, not anyone else. Roy turned his attention to others in The Second Half as he focuses on his relationships with people and how they deteriorated. For certain readers it is pure juicy gossip,

while others may roll their eyes at his relentless digs at players, certain knighted managers and disgruntled staﬀ. What I did like about The Second Half was the chapters where Roy describes what it was like to be a manger of Sunderland FC; his relationships with other managers to get deals, training, talking (or not talking) to chairmen. There is a lot of hype around this book; take Roy growing a mysterious beard around the time of press release, but as the dust has settled I think this book has been more ego than insight.

Good footballer but an angry man

JJJJJ

Only When I Laugh Paul Merton My ﬁrst introduction to Paul Merton was the show Have I Got News For You and since then I have always found him funny. I recently saw a show on Channel 5 of his where Paul was on board the world’s largest cruise ship, so I decided to Google him to see what other random things he was up to. To my surprise he has written an autobiography. Funny, insightful and a very deep man.

A book that has to be checked out!

JJJJJ

Russell Brand Revolution Russell has a bone to pick. He feels the need to tell the world that the Government is big and bad and that it wants to put us down and exploit everyone and everything it controls. Interesting at ﬁrst but tales oﬀ into a rant. This self describing ‘radical’ has many demons. n

Che Guevara he is not

JJJJJ

Mark was born in Belfast and developed a book and football obsession at a young age. He and wife Lisa belong to Fishgate, a church plant in Newtownabbey. Read Mark’s musings at overtakenheart.blogspot.co.uk. @Marky_MarkA

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MUSIC

With Sue Rinaldi

Going Viral Ben Howard I Forget Where We Were An outstanding debut album can turn into an unsolicited tripwire where even the most skilled and image-savvy of artists can fall awkwardly and disappear into the wasteland. Not Ben Howard. Still young and still evolving as a singer-songwriter, he has confronted the follow-up album with admirable composure; delivering well-crafted songs and shapeshifting melodies within a captivating musical atmosphere. Reaching number one in the UK album chart within one week of release indicates general agreement!

Status Quo Aquostic (Stripped Bare) A legendary year for vintage rockers Status Quo involves high‐charting album success and a beer created in their honour! 30

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Opener “Small Things” attunes our vision to see where Howard is taking us. Spacious arrangements where electric guitars switch between delay and reverb, intelligent

Aquostic is studio album number thirty‐one for the band made famous by signature four‐ chord‐grooves and, as a clever departure from the norm, is stripped bare and acoustic. Strings, accordion and percussion enhance twenty‐two of their finest

instrumentation and measured dynamic seem to be the mood lighting of choice and above all, Howard’s poetic, honest and understated vocal fits perfectly. Second track “Rivers In Your Mouth” lifts the tempo a little but overall, the pulse lingers rather than chases. “End Of The Affair” is an absorbing highlight; indie-ballads “She Treats Me Well” and “Evergreen” are endearing and the title track snatches attention with a soaring opening melody and haunting chorus lines. “I Forget Where We Were” is a more mature listen than “Every Kingdom” and reveals the depth and raw complexity of an artist who is still on his feet and steadily progressing to a much higher climb.

hits including “Caroline”, “Paper Plane”, “Down Down”, “Rockin’ All Over the World” and “Whatever You Want”. Fun and nostalgia all rock n rolled into one surprisingly good listen… perfectly accompanied by a bottle of their very own “Piledrive”.

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Hozier Hozier Going viral on YouTube has become an epidemic! When Irish musician Andrew Hozier‐Byrne, simply known as Hozier, released his EP Take Me to Church in 2013, the title track became a digital sensation and introduced a stunning new artist to the rest of the world. His debut eponymous studio album is swiftly making waves and reveals a storyteller of extraordinary depth and design who sounds comfortable swimming between Blues, Soul, R&B and indie Irish Folk. Hozier sings with sensorial dexterity and succeeds in bending the tune into your heart, almost drone‐like in precision, stirring interest and sizeable enjoyment.

Ben Howard I Forget Where We Were

Status Quo Aquostic (Stripped Bare)

Worship Central Set Apart Live, true and energetic…what’s not to like about hearing thousands sing along to songs of hope and faith? Recorded in March 2014 in London, Set Apart captures the bounty and buzz of a live recording with songs led by the popular

Worship Central team including Tim Hughes, Ben Cantelon and Luke Hellebronth. A movement designed to train and equip worship leaders, musicians and singers to serve the

local church definitely know how to deliver an album of high‐quality songs. “The Way”, “Stand Up”, “Let Go”, “Pursue Me” and the title track will become firm favourites. n

Sue Rinaldi travels internationally as a concert artist, worship co‐ordinator, speaker and creative consultant. A self‐confessed info junkie and movie enthusiast, her interest in culture, justice, technology and the future fuels her living and writing (www.suerinaldi.net). @suerinaldimedia

Hozier Hozier

Worship Central Set Apart

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TIM BARNES-CLAY

Cars

Porsche Performance PORSCHE PANAMERA DIESEL It looks like a bloated beast and occasionally it handles like one.

he Porsche Panamera’s swollen exterior is more obvious at the back of the car; it’s too bulbous to look athletic. But there is no disguising the ability of the vehicle. Two enormous tail pipes jut from the car’s stern like horizontal steel chimneys; these more than hint at the clout that the corpulent car is capable of serving up. The front of the Panamera is far more Porsche‐like, with its sweeping curved bonnet and f

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PROS ‘N’ CONS

3 3 3 3 3 7

• Touring range • Power • Space • Economy • Comfort • Divisive looks

ever‐so‐slightly “hang‐dog‐eyed” headlights. Approaching it from the front, or when peering down its long, wide, snout, its form starts to draw you in. Through its proportions alone, the Porsche Panamera stands out clearly in its market segment. It measures 1931mm (76.0in) in width and 1418mm (55.8in) in height, while its overall length is 4970mm (195.7in). And this particular oil‐burner model can be recognised by the lettering “diesel” on the front doors. Step inside, and the plush cabin reeks of cowhide. The sumptuous seating‐for‐four and lengthy legroom, both front and rear, provide the comfort you would expect from a car costing over £60,000. f

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LIFESTYLE Indeed, every Panamera has a high level of standard specification. This includes Porsche Active Suspension Management, which adapts handling to suit your preferred driving style. In “Normal” mode the car delivers a blend of performance and comfort, and then there’s a “Sport” setting where the setup is much firmer. The Porsche also comes with vivid Bi‐Xenon headlights; parking sensors; tyre pressure monitoring; automatic dimming rear view mirrors; touch‐ screen satellite navigation and audio controls, as well as cruise control. In addition, the car is available with rear‐wheel drive and uses a highly efficient eight‐speed

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FAST FACTS Max speed: 161 mph 0-62 mph: 6.0 secs Combined mpg: 44.1 Engine: 2967cc 12 cylinder 6 cylinder 24 valve turbo diesel Max. power (bhp): 296 at 4000 rpm Max. torque (lb.ft): 479 at 1750 rpm CO2: 169 g/km Price: £62,922 on the road

automatic gearbox as standard. For the majority of time spent behind the portly Porsche’s wheel, it pleases when its hefty haunches launch the car forward with as much effort as it takes to throw a dart. The formidable engine chucks the monster from 0 to 62 mph in 6.0 seconds, and carries it to a top speed of 161 mph. The 3.0 litre six cylinder turbo diesel car is made for touring ‐ that much is obvious. The 100 litre fuel tank and claimed 44.1 mpg will take you across a generous slice of the European continent without the need to stop for fuel. To give you an idea of its range in the UK, the German goliath is capable of taking

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four passengers from Lands End to Loch Ness without refuelling. Performance and low consumption are accompanied by smooth running and low emissions. An additional contributing factor is the auto start/stop function, which is de rigueur.

Porsche has never suffered from a poor image. Sure, like most automakers, there have been tiny blips in its history, but nothing detrimental. The arrival of the Panamera Diesel has definitely polarised the opinion of the petrol‐ headed purists though. Many don’t

see it as a “proper” Porsche, and its styling certainly doesn’t achieve universal acclaim. That said it’s an awesome car for long distance travel, with three others to accompany you. You’re also bound to get lots of looks – but not always for the right reason. n

Tim is an experienced motoring writer with a background in radio and TV journalism. He puts his pedal to the metal each issue with his must‐read car reviews. Tweet Tim Barnes‐Clay @carwriteups www.carwriteups.co.uk. @carwriteups

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LIFESTYLE

ROAD TEST

his multi award winning, revolutionary, new type of scooter has a unique rear steer action that gives you a feeling like skiing or snowboarding without ever needing the snow. It’s been stunning industry experts, press, and the public across the globe at toy fairs, scooter expos and industry award ceremonies since its invention and release in the USA, but we had to try it out for ourselves so we sent a SBYKE to the Fuller family in Rustington, West Sussex for a weekend to see what they thought.

The SBYKE A brand new revolutionary Scooter x Bike that has taken the USA by storm is now available in the UK and we just had to try it out.

Rich (dad) “This is a good looking toy, but not easy to use. The skateboard style rear trucks make steering difficult – you naturally shift your body to turn, resulting in instant wipe-out. With a LOT of practise and some gentle slopes, the Sbyke could be great fun, and it wins 10/10 in the ‘cool’ category from the kids.”

Jude (age nine) “It’s fun to ride, but is tricky to get used to. It is very much like a scooter but it isn’t a scooter. I like the attention it got in the playground. Also, because it’s very close to having a skateboard it is good practice before you get a skateboard. You need to be careful with the steering when you first get it, but other than that it is good.”

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Beck (age eight) “The SBYKE was really fun. I like the board that is thick and secure. It looked as though it would be easy to ride but I found it hard. The trucks are loose which makes the turns sharp.”

From £99.95 – £149.95 www.sbykeuk.co.uk

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LIFESTYLE

TOP GEAR

The greatest gear, gadgets and gizmos we could find Lego Star Wars Imperial Star Destroyer

Herbert Campervan Planter Feed your family fresh herbs with the coolest plant pot around. With optimum drainage and a removable lid to place under the planter, this is the ideal style for your kitchen and home cooking, and keeps clean the surfaces. Turn back “thyme” with this nostalgic interior, and rave over the hippy faze.

This iconic ship from the classic Star Wars films is the signature vessel of the Imperial fleet. With it, you can aim eight synchronised cannons and unleash the spring-loaded shooters mounted on the superstructure. Remove the top and you’ll find a stunningly detailed interior with a never-before-seen Emperor Palpatine hologram, rotating chairs for the Imperial crew, weapons rack, bridge, control panel and more. Star Wars buffs are going to love it.

£119.99 www.johnlewis.com

KitSound Revive Alarm Clock We’re loving Kitsound’s new radio alarm clock – the Revive. Featuring a dual-alarm function with the option of waking with music or a buzzer, the Revive includes both FM radio and digital stations. Available in black or blue, the clock can run on battery or connected to a power source, allowing for portability if you need it.

£19.95 www.prezzybox.com

£39.99 www.argos.co.uk

Sorted. TOP BUY

Scalextric ARC ONE

A tangle-free experience is bought to you by wireless technology that enables you to stream music from your Bluetooth® compatible device for high-quality playback. The KitSound Arena headphones have cleverly combined style with performance to offer a flawless method of listening to your favourite music – it’s just like being at a live concert.

This stunning 55 litre complete aquarium system consists of LED lighting as well as a total filtration system complete with biological and mechanical components. The hidden filter unit built into the rear of the aquarium includes all media as well as housing the heater and the circulation pump. Why not bring the ocean indoors with this super-cool aquarium that does all the hard work for you, leaving you time to properly enjoy it.

This revolutionary slot car system allows users to wirelessly create and manage races with a handheld smart device, such as a Smartphone or tablet. Download the ARC app, then connect your device via Bluetooth to the new ARC powerbase, unlocking unique features and control of your races. Personalise your race by selecting features such as race type, driver names and number of laps. Customise and save your race settings and car setup, before you head out on the track to test your skills and challenge your opponent. It’s got to be the ultimate slot car race control system.

£49 www.tesco.com

£120 www.petsathome.com

www.scalextric.com £99.99

The AquaNano Aquarium KitSound Arena headphones

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LIFESTYLE

Polar Pen Kickstarting its way into offices everywhere, this modular magnetic marker really does put the “fun” into functionality. Endlessly customisable, you can take apart the 13 Neodymium magnets to play with and re-arrange them to suit the way you work. Integrating a quality pen as well as a stylus tip you can effortlessly transition between paper and touch screen.

£34.99 www.firebox.com

Alfresco Soft Brew With its unique blend of hops, malt and subtle fruit flavours, Alfresco’s Soft Brew is alcohol-free but full of body and the rich flavour of a traditional beer. Now in three refreshing flavours, it’s just perfect for those who choose not to indulge in booze or have been assigned designated driver for the night.

Around £1.20 www.sainsburys.co.uk

Postsnap Our favourite new app allows you to send a unique, personalized card to your loved-ones using your own photos from your photo library, Instagram, or Facebook, and add your own message in just a few taps. No stamps required and perfect for holidays, event invites, Christmas and birthday cards. There’s now no longer an excuse for missing a special occasion because you don’t have time to go to the post office.

From £1.50 www.postsnap.com

Spy Net RC Recon Video Bot As seen in the new series of 24, the Recon Video Bot is the ultimate in covert ops. This ultra-durable, shockproof spy gadget is based on real military prototypes and allows the user to throw the camera up to 30 feet and then maneuver it 360 degrees upon landing to capture video surveillance. This incredible technology also enables the user to watch the video feed live from the controller.

£49.99 www.amazon.co.uk

Rosetta Stone French Language Course Long-life Milk Portable Chargers Each of these pocket-sized cartons contain a mighty 2600 mAh battery that’s powerful enough to fully charge your mobile phone, with plenty of juice (milk?) to spare. Just plug your own charging cable into the USB port on the base and it’ll power up just about anything your heart desires, with a warm red glow letting you know once when they’re completely charged.

£14.99 www.firebox.com

How about teaching yourself a new language in 2015? Whether you’re going to Paris or Montreal, a Rosetta Stone course can make it possible to chat with the locals in their own language as you learn through conversation and interaction rather than by simply remembering phrases – and there’s no class to keep up with, so you can learn at your own pace.

Around £299 www.rosettastone.co.uk Sorted. Jan/Feb 2015

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LIFESTYLE

PETER HORNE

60 Second Life Coach FAM002/FAMOUS

Hopeful

s temperatures plunge and daylight diminishes, you may wish for an antidote to the post‐Christmas winter blues. Look no further than “Hopeful” (Headline Publishing 2014), the highly entertaining autobiographic tome from Omid Djalili. Guaranteed to warm the cockles of your heart, it blends laugh‐out‐loud anecdotes with heart‐warming sentiment and moments of wisdom. Describing himself as the only stand‐up comedian currently working in Britain who was raised in central London (South Kensington), Djalili attributes his posh voice to this upbringing. When he started out as a comic, his first show was called, “Short Fat Kebab Shop Owner’s Son” – because other people thought he looked like this, while all along he claims “there was a tall thin high cheek‐boned English ponce inside him screaming to get out”. The title of his book came from his name – Omid means “hope” in Farsi (although apparently and rather unfortunately, Djalili means “less”). He was also inspired by a Winston Churchill quote which states that “success is failure after failure with no loss of enthusiasm”. Djalili happily admits that this describes his own life and his book documents many such comedic episodes. Djalili reveals that his outlook on life was changed by an unusual source – ITV reality diving competition Splash! In an interview with RadioTimes.com, he said: “Jumping off a ten metre diving board, I thought it was ridiculous! But it was totally life‐changing. Because when you do something intrepid, it gives you courage. And in life you need courage to push your own boundaries, and not be fearful of things. That experience stuck with me. You need that experience to unleash other creativities within you.” Djalili writes that Splash, which was screened in January 2013, “like no other experience to date, brought forth a flurry of epiphanies, all occurring as I hurtled (aged forty‐seven, overweight and wearing a spangly onesie that resembled the Sheffield Wednesday home kit from the nineties) to possible injury or

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“HIS FIRST SHOW WAS CALLED,“SHORT FAT KEBAB SHOP OWNER’S SON” .” death from a ten metre diving board on live television. “As I fell from the board, learning point number one came to me: I felt, as an established fact in my consciousness, that it’s only when you’ve fallen ﬂat on your face that things start to happen. So you might as well jump because it doesn’t matter if you fall, ﬂat or otherwise. Falling is GOOD. In other words, never be afraid to make a mistake.” Djalili talks fondly about his parents’ generosity and spirit of service to others, which he describes as “an inspirational way to live”. Although he also writes that “despite an expansive love of

humanity, I didn’t want to follow in my father’s footsteps and earn a living by frying eggs for sick Iranians in pyjamas”. In writing this book, Djalili hopes that he’s created “an emotional landscape that feels familiar to the reader regardless of whether or not they have worked as a medical translator (aged ten), fallen into an Iranian cesspit, failed a bunch of exams, insulted Russell Crowe, narrowly escaped death by ‘splishsplashsploshing’ or stumbled unwittingly into stand‐up comedy”. “Hopeful” is an uplifting book. It will teach the reader that: “Wisdom is often gained in hindsight. You actually learn nothing from falling ﬂat on your face. It’s what you do afterwards that counts.” n

Peter Horne is a qualiﬁed life coach with a passion for helping people change things in their lives when they feel stuck. He works with individuals and organisations, and can be contacted at enquiries@therealyou.eu. Peter is married with four children and attends St Peter’s Church in Brighton.

“HE WAS ALSO INSPIRED BY A WINSTON CHURCHILL QUOTE WHICH STATES THAT “SUCCESS IS FAILURE AFTER FAILURE WITH NO LOSS OF ENTHUSIASM”.”

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LIVE FROM SPACE

Live from Space Ahead of Live from Space’s DVD release, Stacey Hailes caught up with the show’s Executive Producer, Tom Brisley.

he Live from Space series gives viewers unprecedented access to NASA astronauts – Rick Mastracchio, Koichi Wakata and Mike Hopkins – as they live and work aboard the International Space Station. Originally launched in March 2014 on Channel 4, the three‐part show is like no other – going where no other series has gone before. Now the spectacular programme can be yours to own on DVD. Find out what it’s like when “home” is the size of a football ﬁeld, travels at 17,500 mph (ﬁve miles a second!), and the commute involves hitching a ride on a Russian Soyuz rocket. The astronauts’ own footage and commentary provides 360‐degree access to life on board the International Space Station (ISS) and we become the seventh crew member – witnessing how everyday tasks for us, such as

washing, eating and sleeping, become quite a challenge in an environment where nothing is easy thanks to the lack of gravity. The ﬁrst two episodes are hour‐long documentaries – Astronauts: Living in Space and Astronauts: Houston We Have a Problem. The last episode (which was broadcasted live on Channel 4) takes the audience around the world in 90 minutes, allowing them to see the most breathtaking views of our planet whilst Dermot O’Leary interacts with the astronauts. Executive producer, Tom Brisley, is the brains behind the show and when talking to him his passion and enthusiasm for Live from Space pours out.

ISS Fact File The ISS is the largest spacecraft ever built. Over ten years in the making and now 15 years old, 135 rocket launches by seven different rockets from five nations, and close to 200 spacewalks have been needed to assemble the station, outfit laboratories and return its valuable samples. It’s the most complex engineering project ever built, combining the efforts of 15 nations around the globe. During the ISS’s first 15 years of operations, more than 1500 research experiments were conducted by researchers from 68 countries. The ISS orbits Earth every 90 minutes. That’s 16 sunrises and sunsets every day! The ISS zips around the World at 17500 mph, that’s 30 times faster than a 747. Since its launch, the ISS has orbited Earth over 85,000 times, clocking up more than two billion miles, the equivalent of almost 12 round trips to the sun.

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The ISS is the size of an American football field (including the end zones) and on Earth would weigh almost a million pounds. The solar array wingspan (240 ft.) is longer than that of a Boeing 777, which is 212 ft. Felix Baumgartner jumped from a height of 24 miles, which is about 10% of the distance to the ISS. The commute to the ISS now takes under six hours, a step up from the three days it used to take. That’s using a rocket that burns half a million gallons of fuel and generates 37 million horsepower. Six months in zero gravity, the average stay on the ISS, takes a toll on the human body: astronauts lose bone and muscle mass and their eyesight deteriorates to the point that some ex-astronauts have to wear glasses. When astronauts return to Earth, the sudden change back to gravity means they have trouble walking for a few days.

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LIVE FROM SPACE Where did the idea for Live from Space come from? I saw a clip a few years ago of some astronauts doing a link on the space station and I suddenly thought, “My gosh, wouldn’t it be brilliant to actually do something with them and make a programme with the astronauts?” Then, the TV market at the moment is really looking for live events, so it was a short jump to then think, “Why don’t we do something that is going to be live with the astronauts on the space station?” And then the eureka moment came when we realised that the space station makes a lap, a complete orbit of planet earth, every 90 minutes – and that naturally led to a live two‐ hour programme because over two hours you would be able to take people literally around the world! Then it became such a no brainer as a concept and then the challenge became convincing NASA to let us do it!

What was the process of getting NASA on board? [Firstly] plucking up the courage to ring them up and say, “We’ve got this idea that we think is really clever – and that is to do a live programme from the space station as it travels round the Earth”. And NASA said, “It is a really great idea, but the chances of being able to pull it oﬀ are really remote”. But through determination and persistence we managed to persuade them to allow us to visit the astronauts at mission control in Houston. So we went along, not knowing what to expect, and they were the most f

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LIVE FROM SPACE

amazing bunch of people. They are ordinary people, doing an extraordinary job I suppose at the end of the day. But they ooze charisma and confidence, so we sat down with them in this room and there were about six astronauts there and some of the bosses from mission control at the Johnson Space Center in Houston. We said: “Look, you’re going to laugh at this idea, however, we would really like to do a programme with the astronauts.” They just really engaged and the astronauts thought it was a really smart idea. What they liked about it is what we wanted to do was to show what it was really like in space. We didn’t want to create a picture; we wanted it to be real to life. They really warmed to that. They said they do a lot of stuff up there, where they’re doing interviews, but those are very formal and corporate interviews and what we offered them was a chance to be themselves and to show it how it really is. For example, the fact that when they have a haircut up there, they have to have a vacuum cleaner attached to the end of the clippers because otherwise hair particles flow through space. The beauty is in the detail, and we wanted to show everything about their lives up there, like the fact they have no running water so if they want to have a wash in the morning they just have to use a heated wet towel, and that all their food is dried and things like that.

“WHAT’S STOPPING THEM AND THEIR BLOOD BOILING IS SOME THIN SHEETS OF METAL, WHICH IS THE SKIN OF THE SPACE STATION.” What struck you the most about the life of these astronauts? That space is the most extreme place human kind can live! What’s stopping them and their blood boiling is some thin sheets of metal, which is the skin of the space station. It’s really dangerous and yet these were guys are prepared to live like that because they believe that it is right and helping the future of human kind. That’s what I thought was the most amazing thing. That’s what the space station is; it is sort of like the test bed of the future of the planet. We interviewed Stephen Hawking for the show and his view is that eventually mankind won’t be able to exist on planet earth through an asteroid impact, or other catalytic events. So eventually, it might not be for millions of years, but the only way human kind will be able to survive is if we’ve got somewhere else to live and that’s what the space station is doing.

What obstacles did you face filming the show? The first obstacle we faced was we couldn’t take a crew up there! We relied on the astronauts filming everything. So they would be filming every weekend or filming in their evenings, in their down time, and then they would send the footage back to us and we would give notes back – so their filming got better and better as the weeks went on. For the live show there was so many challenges. It used to scare me half to death, but excite me in equal measure. The challenges were we could have lost the signal at any time because the signal for the space station isn’t guaranteed. There are also black spots where the space station is travelling where you lose the signal to earth and we only found out two weeks before the show where those were! But, someone taught me a long time ago that you can’t worry about the things you can’t change, you can only manage them, and when we found out where we would lose signal we made that a facet of 46

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the programme – to say look, this is what it is really like. Some of the other scary bits were it was very difficult to rehearse. You get very little rehearsal time. Normally for a live show you have a whole day of rehearsing, but we had an hour with the astronauts two days beforehand where we had to work out where all the cameras were going to be, who were going to operate all the cameras. There were three people on the space station at the time of the live show, two Americans and a Russian cosmonaut and NASA brilliantly asked the cosmonaut whether he would be involved – and the cosmonaut ended up being the cameraman! So there was a global collaboration to pull it off. We also didn’t know until two weeks beforehand which track the space station would take over the planet – it could have been disastrous, it could have been over water the entire time because two thirds of the planet is made up of water. We found out though that it was going to be travelling down the South West coast of America and South America, so we started off with the most spectacular view of Bar‐har California. Then it came up through Africa and went across southern Europe and over Asia and Japan. We really lucked out with the route. The other thing was it had never been done before, it was live from mission control and no‐one had ever done that, and that was pioneering it itself – although they were really accommodating and really up for it, their priority was always going to be the safety of the astronauts on the space station. So we didn’t know at any moment whether there might be an emergency or an instance where they might say, “Hey guys, you’ve got to leave now because we need to focus on the astronauts”. All of those jeopardy moments, it’s what gave us grey hairs but it’s also what excites us about the programme and I hope people see the energy and excitement that everyone involved in the project had. Dermot was so excited to be in mission control. It was like all his dreams come true.

KB/FAMOUS

LIVE FROM SPACE

What do you want the audience to get from seeing the show? There are a few things. One, to show people the most gob‐ smacking visuals of earth that they’ve ever seen before. If you scratch beneath that layer a little bit you see the world without borders. There’s no border patrols, or fences between countries, this is the earth without any of the countries shown as you’d see them on a map. It showed the earth as a whole, as one living, breathing entity. The other thing I hope people would take out is that some of the ﬁlm showed the earth as a really fragile place, and you get out of the earth what you put into the earth, and we were showing the electricity at night time by the number of street lights and it is very easy to show how we are using the earth and how we are shaping the earth, and we hope people would react to that and see we’re all involved in looking after the earth. Also chatting to NASA afterwards, the lead ﬂight director made a little speech after the show and he said that, “If anyone, as a consequence of watching the show, decides they want to have a career in space then we would’ve done our job”. At the end of the day, what we are doing is encouraging the next generation of people who are fascinated by space and want to work in space. He said if we had achieved that, that one person in the future started to work at NASA – or the European or UK space station – because they watched the show, it would have been job well done. I don’t think you could beat that. That was the best reason for making the show at the end of the day.

Did the show make you want to go to space? Oh‐my‐gosh, I’d love to go to space! I’m probably not ﬁt enough to go to space, the training the astronauts have to do is tremendous, but I think it would be amazing f Sorted. Jan/Feb 2015

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LIVE FROM SPACE

DVD Extras Over 20 minutes of never before seen footage – highlights include: A complete, never-seen-on-TV short film about space food – how it is prepared, packaged and launched to space, and how last-minute fresh food is a welcome treat to the ISS crew. Astronaut profiles for Mike, Rick and Koichi introducing them and showing highlights of their lives and careers so far. Full interview with Luca Parmitano who nearly drowned in space, as well as his wife who was watching from Mission Control. Full interview with Mike Massimino whose level-headedness on a spacewalk helped him fix the Hubble Space Telescope. A complete unseen-on-TV film about how images taken from the ISS, including photographs taken by astronauts themselves, help aid disaster response to hurricanes, tsunamis and natural disasters on the ground.

to go up there. The astronauts also say being up in space changes you. It gives you a completely diﬀerent perspective of the world. We spoke to the co‐presenter with Dermot, a gentlemen called Mike Massimino (who is also an astronaut), and he had been up to space twice and he said he was up on the space shuttle, looking down on earth and he thought the whole view must be what heaven is like, and then he said – actually it must be better than heaven.

Tell us about the DVD’s extra footage… We shot a multitude of material, not all of which could make it into the live programme. One of the things I found fascinating was space food and how they make it. So virtually everything they eat from the space station has been freeze dried. So it is prepared on the earth and the film shows how the NASA food nutritionist would go out to the supermarket, just like we do, and buy in bulk and make a lot of spaghetti – the same way you and I would make our bolognese – and after that they freeze dry it to take out the water content because taking things up to space is expensive and they take out 97% of the water content so it is much lighter. Then, when the astronauts eat it they add water to rehydrate it. So we go into that process and that’s a nice little DVD extra. We also have little films that introduce our three astronauts that are up there – what their backgrounds are, how they train and we meet their families. There is also another extra that shows how the space station helps us on earth today. For example they have a robotic arm on the outside of the space station to help visiting vehicles, bringing up astronauts and taking down astronauts and bringing food supplies etc and this robotic arm grabs hold of them and there are sensors on the arm of this robot, so it knows whether it has to squeeze hard or squeeze softly to grip something – so it’s very grip sensitive – and that technology has been used by neurosurgeons to create tools that they can use in brain surgery, to cut through people’s brains to find tumours and injuries to the brain, that same technology on their tools enable them to know whether to grip hard or to grip softly. It is really fascinating to see the science that takes place on there and how that science has an effect on our daily lives back on earth today. n Live from Space series is released on Blu‐ray and DVD by Universal Pictures on 1st December.

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New for TV “face in space” questions from viewers, and the responses from the astronauts on station. A full, unbroadcast film about pioneering neurosurgery, and how robotic arm technology on the space station has inspired and contributed to life-saving brain surgery back on planet Earth. Extra “diary-cam” footage from astronauts Rick, Mike and Koichi as well as their families at home. Full interview and tour of NASA JSC with British astronaut Tim Peake. Exclusive bonus short-films including astronaut Don Pettit describing weightlessness, flight director Emily Nelson giving Dermot a tour of the Mission Control centre for Apollo 13, Astronaut Mike Barratt demonstrating how to work out in space and NASA’s food labs, and astronaut Doug Wheelock describing what it’s like to spacewalk. Extra training and preparation with Rick and Koichi, including their last “practice spacewalk” in the Neutral Buoyancy Lab – the biggest swimming pool in the world, with full scale ISS submerged underwater.

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COMPASSION

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COMPASSION

Dreams are made in Kibera STORY AND PHOTOS BY SILAS IRUNGU

ife in Kenya’s biggest slum can be incredibly difficult. Kibera is home to more than 700,000 people living in temporary one‐room houses made of corroded iron sheets. Most homes are no more than ten foot square but can house families of up to ten people. Kibera heaves with human life; there is hardly room to move. The air along the narrow, dirty paths is stuffy, if not rancid, as fresh sewage bursts through previously blocked pipes that have long been neglected. Wastewater has nowhere safe to go. Instead, it flows along the crowded paths, past people’s doors and sometimes into them, before finally joining the murky waters of the Nairobi River. Few public amenities exist, and those that do often don’t work. Each visit to the toilet or shower comes at a cost of about seven pence, 20 litres of water for domestic use costs the same. It doesn’t sound much, but the residents of Kibera are generally unemployed, even the more fortunate ones, those with casual labour, have an average daily household income of £1.80. The struggles of life in Kibera can generate a sense of despair, subjection and resentment. Negative stories reported in Kenyan and even international news bring notoriety to the slum, encouraging the belief that nothing good comes from Kibera. Granted, Kibera is nothing short of a phenomenon. Its sheer size and difficulties form a perfect breeding ground for hopelessness. But that’s just half the story.

“THERE WERE NOISY TEENAGERS CARRYING WEAPONS, AND THEY WANTED TO BREAK INTO OUR HOME. MY MUM AND DAD EACH HELD BIG BLADES IN THEIR HANDS TO PROTECT US. WE WERE VERY SCARED. THERE WAS NOWHERE TO RUN.” The rest of the story lies in the nascent hopes of a new generation that dreams of overcoming the odds stacked against them. It is a story of determination and optimism. A walk into Emmanuel Church in Kibera on a chilly Saturday morning oﬀers a sneak peek of raw expectations. They are harboured in the warm smiles, hearts and minds of the 290 children that attend the weekly Compassion programme here. Kefa Zebedayo is one of those children. A young man with a big smile, this 13‐year‐old boy lives in the Soweto region of Kibera. His smile belies the harshness of life. His mother washes laundry while his father does odd jobs that are seldom available. These parents struggle daily to protect, let alone provide for their three children in their one‐room home. f

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COMPASSION

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COMPASSION Their security is fragile. Riots and squabbles often break out in the neighbourhood. One incident that lingers in Kefa’s memory is Kenya’s 2008 post‐election violence that left more than 1,000 dead and hundreds of thousands internally displaced. Kibera, a politically charged setting at the best of times, was one of the hardest hit areas of Nairobi. Television cameras zoomed into the settlement to document the mêlée and broadcast it to the rest of the world. Kefa’s young eyes saw it firsthand. “We heard lots of shooting outside our home,” he says. “There were noisy teenagers carrying weapons, and they wanted to break into our home. My mum and dad each held big blades in their hands to protect us. We were very scared. There was nowhere to run.” The marauding gang did not succeed in breaking in, but tensions lasted for weeks and fear reigned in Kefa’s home. This small child saw many unsettling scenes of battered people as he walked past the torched houses of his neighbours. One of the boys on his street picked up a firearm that had been left behind during the riots. The gun accidentally went off, and everyone ran helter‐ skelter. No one was hurt, but the sight and sound of a gun at close range left Kefa’s heart in his throat. He was just six years old. But now, more than six years on, Kefa senses a brighter, safer future for himself, his family and his community. He dreams and dreams big: “When I grow up, I want to be an engineer because I want to earn a lot of money and build my parents a brick house on a nice estate. It will have a big, secure gate and a compound with running water and electricity. I will paint the house yellow because that’s my favourite colour.” But Kefa doesn’t just want to improve his own life; he wants the chance to help other children in Kibera, like he has been helped – to empower them to access education, healthcare and adequate food. The Compassion project at Emmanuel church fans Kefa’s dreams, as well as those of other children. It provides a safe environment for them to express themselves, to learn and apply knowledge, and to pray together, trusting God to guide each of their paths. At the project, the children can choose from many activities. Kefa’s favourites are playing the keyboard and making ornaments using beads. His enthusiasm flows through his fingers as he strikes the black and white notes of a keyboard. He misses a note now and then, but his peers sing along, and his teachers urge him on. The same fingers pull needle and thread through the miniscule holes of coloured beads. It’s a laborious task that requires perseverance and patience. Kefa has both. In the end, he produces beautiful bangles and necklaces. He beams at his achievements and says, “I always look forward to Saturday programme because I learn

What is Compassion? Compassion is an international child development charity with more than 60 years experience working with some of the world’s poorest children. At present more than 1.6 million children attend Compassion’s church-based projects in 26 of the world’s poorest countries. Children are supported financially and through letters by individual sponsors and, through their local church are given the means to break the cycle of poverty and create a viable future. Children receive access to education, nutrition, healthcare and emotional and spiritual support as well as vocational training.

something new every week with my friends. Our teachers support our efforts and guide us when we make mistakes.” It’s not just the teachers and staff at the church supporting Kefa, he loves hearing from his sponsor and regularly writes to say thank you to the person who makes it possible for him to come to the project every week, to study in school and to dream those big dreams. Kefa is a boy who appreciates the gift he has been given. Zipporah, the project director, smiles as she talks about Kefa: “He is a thankful, disciplined, and determined boy who sets a good example for other children at the project. Our job is to nurture all these children to become anything they would like to be. It is a challenging job in this environment, but it is possible. That’s why we do it.” The Compassion project at Emmanuel Church is preparing Kefa for the rugged path necessary to achieve his aspirations. He carries his dreams with him to his home, where he shares his day’s lessons with his family. Kefa’s house is hard to trace. It’s little more than a speck in the dust that is Kibera. Yet Kefa’s big dreams have been born here. Every time he walks into the project, he is reminded that as long as the sun continues to shine over the rusty blanket of iron sheets, his dreams can become more than wishful thinking. n To find out more about Compassion or to sponsor a child visit www.compassionuk.org

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PORN PRODUCER

Confessions of an Ex‐Porn Producer Donny Pauling shares the story of Mindy, a woman whose life he destroyed before he was a Christian, by making her a porn star. BY DONNY PAULING

ote: I must warn you that what I’m about to share with you is very dark. If you are in need of a “pick‐me‐up”, this story is not for you. For some, this article might be quite depressing. For others, it might be a wake‐ up call, causing them to think of a side of pornography they’ve never before considered. The latter is my intent. Also note that I have Mindy’s permission, and indeed encouragement, to share her story. When you tell a person what they can’t have, they’ll often try to convince you that you’re wrong. This is especially true for the college‐aged, who have recently left the safety of the nest to try their wings out on their own for the ﬁrst time. When recruiting new porn actresses, I understood this very well and used it to my advantage. I worked from a nice home, and I often let the house and our lifestyle do the selling for me. A new prospect would arrive after having driven through one of the better neighborhoods in town and, prior to sitting down to interview in my home oﬃce, would be shown around the property like a valued guest. My girlfriend and I had things the interviewee didn’t have. The photos of us were taken at vacation spots where the girl likely hadn’t been, and the “famous” people with whom we posed with were people she’d recognize but likely hadn’t met.

“IN TIME, THE LIFESTYLE I HAD SADDLED HER WITH DRAINED ALL LIGHT AND SPARKLE FROM HER EYES.” There were psychological reasons for this: I not only wanted her to feel comfortable in a warm, non‐ threatening environment, but I also knew she’d start painting herself into the picture. “Porn can give me this lifestyle?” she’d ask herself. “No, dear girl, this lifestyle isn’t for you,” I’d say. “You can’t handle this business. What if your Dad ﬁnds out you’re working for me?” The more a college‐aged girl was presented with questions like this, the more she’d argue that I was wrong and this life was something she could handle. When her life began falling apart, I could pat myself on the back for having warned her against getting involved in the ﬁrst place.

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A Natural One December day a girl named Mindy arrived at my house. She’d turned 18 barely a month before her interview. I wish I could deny playing the part I played in her story. For a long time after I left the porn industry, I simply didn’t want to talk about it. Mindy is the reason my cell phone number has never been changed. She has it memorized, and to this day she’ll call when she’s at her worst and has nowhere else to turn. Back on that first day, I knew I had a moneymaker. I verified the age on her ID because, well, she looked really young. I’d already been in the business four years by this time, so I had a pretty good handle on the demands of the market. I knew men would go crazy over this girl. I initially emailed samples to clients who owned websites. Every one of them either matched their largest order size, or ordered more of her than they had of any other model I’d submitted. One client who specialised in the “teen” niche – which requires a model to be over 18 but look younger – started asking if I’d be willing to partner with him on a website dedicated exclusively to Mindy. We made a proposal to her: she’d receive 25% of site revenue, I’d receive 25%, and my new business partner would keep the remaining 50%. His portion was larger because he would be responsible for all website development, hosting and promotions. Mindy was the easiest porn model I’ve ever worked with. She had a natural charisma, beautiful smile and a melodic laugh. She loved life, and enlivened any room into which she walked. At the beginning of her “career”, she could have been the poster child for “bubbly personality”. Prior to the launch of her website, Mindy’s fan base had already exploded. We shared the feedback we received with her, using it to inflate her ego and prod her along. She clearly believed that she was going to become a celebrity. When an 18‐year‐old girl begins making $10,000 per month, she most likely isn’t going to know how to handle that amount of money. Mindy was no exception. She wanted to take care of people by giving them money and buying things for them, and she wanted to have fun. Not being promiscuous by nature, she wouldn’t go home with fans, but she could be found passed out at parties. She was raped several times over the years. In time, the lifestyle I had saddled her with drained all light and sparkle from her eyes. Where once a girl existed who would f

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PORN PRODUCER

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PORN PRODUCER light up a room just by being herself, now there was a girl who would often literally begin a sentence laughing and end that same sentence in tears.

No Happy Ending The first time Mindy told me she’d given her life to Jesus, and wouldn’t be doing porn any more, I was actually happy to hear it. I’d seen what had happened in Mindy’s life, and I felt bad, because I knew a big part of the blame was on me. Her decision meant I was going to lose one of my best‐ selling models, but at least I wouldn’t have to keep looking into those haunted eyes when she was around. More than anything, I was a hate‐filled, selfish man. My hatred was fuelled by the hypocrisy I’d witnessed within the church during my teen years, as well as the perceived, ongoing hypocrisy of Christians who would lecture me about the life I was living, yet want to see what new pornographic content I’d produced. While I was happy to see the lights return to Mindy’s eyes, I was not happy to be on the receiving end of her attempts to save my soul. She definitely wasn’t prepared to discuss such matters with me. Had she not decided to try to witness to me, I might not have made such an effort to drag her back into porn. But since the church ladies who met with her on a regular basis had encouraged her to “plant seeds” into my mind, in retaliation I decided I’d try to remove Mindy’s faith entirely. Already, she was having a hard time making ends meet. So I asked her if she understood that old religious men were the ones who had made up the moral rules prohibiting her from participating in her website. I began pointing out inconsistencies in the Bible. After having spent so much time with her – at one time she even lived with me – I knew how best to manipulate her into seeing things my way. She’d come back to the lifestyle every time. And as time went on, things only got worse. I made her do things that she had refused to do at first. Sometimes Mindy would protest, but she knew she wouldn’t earn any money if she didn’t do it. She started identifying as a prostitute, and started taking drugs. I guess they made it easy to do what she was doing. She bounced from house to house, living with random older men who’d use her for a time and then send her on her way. One result of this is that she had no idea who her son’s father might be. I wish there was a happy ending to Mindy’s story, but there’s not. Not many months ago, she called in tears, begging me to adopt her two kids. The state had taken them one too many times, and she was no longer eligible to have them returned to her. Her social worker had informed her that a close friend or family member could be given priority, and she wondered if I would be willing, as the rest of her family was not. I gave it thought and prayer, but realised I’m not equipped to take them on.

“SHE FIGHTS HARD WITH MENTAL ILLNESS. THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL ATTRACTIVE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.”

Porn Harms! I’ve now known Mindy for almost 13 years. I could write more than one book about her life alone. What is important for you to know is this: when I led her into pornography, her life was forever changed. Random strangers still recognise her and make assumptions about her. She ﬁghts hard with mental illness. There is nothing at all attractive about what happened to her. I wonder if the men and women who found the images and video content we produced of Mindy so appealing would ﬁnd it attractive if they knew what it cost her. I 56

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wonder if they would be aroused if they knew the reality. But while I was the one who put her in front of a camera, the “law of supply and demand” also means that all of us who have consumed pornography are part of this cycle of broken lives. Mindy’s story is not unique; it happens in some form or other every day, repeatedly. Mindy is someone’s daughter. What if she were yours? At the same time, while there is an enormous amount of darkness in Mindy’s life, there are also things I find encouraging. Even though she became pregnant through rape, and even though she knew she might not be able to provide for a child, abortion never entered her mind. Her children might not have been afforded the best life possible with her, but they do have life, and I have no doubt that they prefer that to the alternative. I also take courage in the fact that Mindy never gives up. There are situations she has faced that are just as bad as or worse than those I’ve shared, but she doesn’t give up. She’s never once threatened to end her life, she doesn’t whine, and she reluctantly accepts physical assistance. Sometimes she goes to church, other times she does not, but she’s never blamed God for her circumstances. What I need from you dear reader is a promise that you’ll pray for Mindy. Please don’t do so as a one‐time thing. Add her to your daily or weekly prayer list. It has been almost 13 years since porn began affecting her life, and the images and video we created together will be around until long after she has departed this world. There will never be a time when prayers for her are wasted. If you’d like specific things to pray for, I’d suggest praying that her mind is healed and that her children are cared for in a loving, nurturing environment. The most recent update I have about them is from a few months ago: they were in foster care at that time. And finally, please help share the message that pornography hurts real people. Let’s humanise those who are involved in its creation, so that fewer consumers find it appealing. If you’re a consumer, please do whatever is necessary to stop consumption. Encourage your children to become warriors, fighting for those who aren’t willing to fight for themselves by refusing to ever become consumers of pornography. FightTheNewDrug have done a great job with their marketing campaign to sell products such as t‐shirts, hoodies and wristbands that are intended to make porn “uncool” for young people. Perhaps browse their store and make a purchase or two for the youth in your life. Let’s work to change the way porn is esteemed, transforming the attitude that “everybody uses it” to “it’s just not cool” in ways similar to anti‐smoking campaigns. We CAN do it. n

This article ﬁrst appeared on LifeSiteNews.com and is reprinted with permission.

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4M: The Ultimate Challenge All you need to know about 4M, the most adventurous men’s movement. Do you have what it takes to be the fourth Musketeer? BY STEVE LEGG

n the winter of 2008, Henk Stoorvogel was in a lonely place in his life. As a respected leader of one of the largest churches in the Netherlands, travelling and speaking across the nation and writing books, he felt he had neglected his close friendships and was running on empty. His wife, Ruth, made a suggestion that would change his life: “Why don’t you start a men’s movement? Not one of those cheesy sit‐and‐listen ones,” she insisted, “but an adventurous one.” Her words were music to Henk’s ears. He phoned his three best friends, two of whom were Dutch church leaders too and the four of them met together over homemade lasagnas to plot and plan.

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Henk had just read the classic Alexander Dumas novel, “The Three Musketeers”. The actual main character of the book is d’Artagnan – a young man aspiring to become a Musketeer and a servant to the king of France, but when he ﬁrst meets Athos, Porthos and Aramis (the “Three”), they end up duelling.

“EVERYTHING WE DO HAS TO BE CUTTING EDGE, PHYSICAL AND DEEPLY SPIRITUAL.”

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“IT’S A FOUR-DAY ADRENALINE CHARGED, ULTIMATE ENDURANCE EVENT.” When the Cardinal’s guards arrive to break it up, d’Artagnan and the three Musketeers join forces to ﬁght the guards. D’Artagnan becomes friends with Athos, Porthos, and Aramis and ﬁnally accomplishes his lifelong dream – becoming a Musketeer to the king. This started Henk thinking. “Our highest goal in life is to become servants to the King of Kings,” he told his friends. “Why don’t we start a men’s movement and call it ‘the 4th Musketeer’ after D’Artagnan, who aspired to become a servant to his king? “We will live along the code of honour of the Musketeers – all for one and one for all,” he continued, “as a brotherhood, standing up for justice, and seeking to lead men to the highest place on earth – to the foot of the cross.” They quickly agreed upon the name, the Fourth Musketeer, and also agreed on the strategy. “We won’t organise men’s breakfasts or events where men have to sit down and listen,” Henk said.

“We’ll organise Extreme Character Challenges where men will go through ultimate endurance challenges, accompanied by short, inspiring Bible studies, that will help them internalise biblical truth. Everything we do has to be cutting edge, physical and deeply spiritual.” As so the 4th Musketeer movement was born. The new team quickly set out to organise the first ever Xtreme Character Challenge (XCC) in the Belgium Ardennes. Armed with the support of their churches and 1,500 euros, they assembled 88 men to experience a wet, cold, dirty, but deeply challenging and adventurous life‐ changing Xtreme Character Challenge. Henk explained: “When we started to get reports of men becoming Christians, taking up proper spiritual leadership in the homes and becoming better husbands, fathers and workmates, we knew we were onto something – we were definitely on the right track.” The work spread fast and these days a typical XCC usually starts on a Thursday night and ends on the following Sunday afternoon. It’s a four‐day adrenaline charged, ultimate endurance event that tests a man’s character, ignites faith and builds friendships that can last forever. As the men embark on the first day they f

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4M In 2015 the 4th Musketeer will finally launch in the UK. While hundreds of Dutch, German and Swiss men have found God during XCC in the Scottish Highlands, now the first ever British XCC will be organised in Scotland from April 23‐26. It certainly will be a remarkable sight, seeing the first 100 British men roam the Scottish Munros, building character at the borders of the unknown and forming a brotherhood that will last for life. 4M is excited to see the movement take root in the UK. Henk explained: “We see men from all over the European continent lock arms and unite in following Jesus Christ and taking part in the battle for justice in our generation. Originated in the Netherlands, we hold British men in high esteem, as they were leading the way in the liberation of our country in World War II. “British men have put their lives on the line to give us freedom. In return we love to bless our British brothers by experiencing XCC and Muskathlons together. Already we sense a lot of enthusiasm and anticipation among the guys in the UK to experience the XCC. We are looking forward to a bright future.” n Register for the first ever 4M UK XCC now – www.the4thmusketeer.uk

hand over watches, phones, wallets and car keys. Only the essentials that are on the list are allowed. No extra food, cigarettes or alcohol. Ten teams of eight to ten men journey together on one route as they are individually pushed further, deeper and harder than they have ever experienced before. It’s not for the faint hearted as fatigue, hunger, thirst, cold and physical exhaustion are to be expected, but behind every challenge there lies deep friendship, brotherhood and camaraderie and a deeper understanding of faith in God. Some 6,000 men have now experienced an Xtreme Character Challenge and thus have become a Musketeer – proudly wearing their red 4M polo shirt. Three years into the movement they also created the Muskathlon – an ultimate endurance event at an extreme location to raise significant funds for the fight for justice. Over the course of three years the Muskathlon raised 3.5 million euros for three remarkable charities, A21, Open Doors and Compassion. The team also organise massive one‐off events but do it in their own inimitable way, packing 5,000 men into an arena for a day of activity and challenge. Just getting into the venue means navigating through an assault course, climbing walls and crawling under nets. During the course of the day cars are rolled over and makeshift cannon balls are fired. This is a bloke’s event like no other. The talks too are packed full of challenge and humour and men go back to their towns better equipped to make a difference in their homes and communities. Today the 4th Musketeer has national offices in seven countries including the USA, Germany, Switzerland, Norway, Belgium, Poland and the Netherlands.

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EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

Exodus: Gods and Kings Interviews with the stars and director of this Bible‐based ﬁlm… BY SIMON BELL AND TERRY MALLOY

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EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

I FAM020/FAMOUS

n March 2014 Noah hit our big screens causing controversy for some and excitement for others. Now, a new epic biblical ﬁlm is set to cause a stir – Exodus: Gods and Kings. Like Noah, this biblically‐based release is being brought to us by Hollywood. British director, Ridley Scott, is the man behind the drama starring Christian Bale and Joel Edgerton. The ﬁlm tells the story of Moses as he rises up against the Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses, setting 40,000 slaves on a monumental journey of escape from Egypt and its terrifying cycle of deadly plagues. Stepping into the sandals of Moses is Wales‐born actor, Christian Bale. You might know Bale better as Batman in The Dark Knight trilogy.

Did Ridley Scott give you any books to read or movies to watch to prepare to play Moses? He didn’t ask me to do anything. We’d met before and then Rid came round to my house and we sat there and we talked about it. And he said I want to do this story about Moses and Ramses. Well I just thought “long hair and sandals”. And he went, yeah. I said just like the story? Yeah. And I went, wow… Okay. Me as Moses? Let me think about it for a minute. He never asked me to look at anything but I inevitably went, “Crap, that’s a big task!” You know of course we would be taking our licence with it because every Bible takes its licence. I mean look, I read the Bible, I read parts of the Quran that were pertinent to Moses, you know, they are interpretations. Everything is – if you’re not reading it in the original language it is.

“THERE WILL INEVITABLY BE VERY IMPORTANT PARTS OF THE BIBLE THAT RIDLEY HAS CHOSEN NOT TO INCLUDE WHICH WOULD BE IMPORTANT TO SOME AUDIENCE MEMBERS.” But the very first research I did the evening of the day that Ridley asked me to do this, I watched Life of Brian and History of the World Part 1, because I love Life of Brian. It’s a fantastic film. Films like Exodus: Gods and Kings in their seriousness can very easily become unintentional Life of Brians, right? So I love that film but I had to watch it to see, “Alright how do we avoid Life of Brian?” – because that’s not what we’re going for. Much as I’d love to do that, it’s not what we’re going for, not right now. I read a wonderful book called Moses: A Life by Jonathan Kirsch and numerous other things as well.

Just before your last film American Hustle you had a motorbiking accident. Did your injuries from that affect filming the physical side of Exodus? I had to have brain scans and stuﬀ because I smashed my head up badly. My wrist is metal completely. I can’t really move my wrist properly. I’ve got a metal clavicle. I’ve got 25 screws up and down my arm. I’m not the most agile with this [left] hand. And if you look in the ﬁlm you can actually see this hand is more withered, this arm is more withered than the other, because I had not been able to do anything with it. f

JMVM/FAMOUS

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FAMOUS PICTURES AND FEATURES AGENCY

EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

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I lost all my nerves – I couldn’t move it. I was like this [swinging arm limply], I was swinging my arm around. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t move my fingers. So it was an interesting thing suddenly having to [use] a bow and arrow when I was like this. [My hand] was shaking like crazy because the nerves hadn’t grown back properly. But everything came good by the time we actually started filming. My nerves had grown back; you know, the body is just phenomenal. And then, horse riding I love, I love doing that. I don’t do it in my life but I’ve always enjoyed doing it for films. I really enjoyed those physical tasks and things that you get to acquire as a skill in a film.

me. You’ve got the wrong man”. And God gets quite angry at him. He really does. I mean he’s saying, “It’s not me”. He couldn’t even speak well because he did have a speech impediment. And I did talk to Ridley about that but he just felt, I think quite rightly, he just said, “Look you having a speech impediment the entire way through the movie, no, it’s not going to work”. So we have a scar that we say he got through war since we’re making him a general in our movie. But his story has resonated and continues to resonate throughout history. And it is a fascinating one and he’s deﬁnitely a man of his times. I would not want to run into him now at all. But he was a very intriguing character to get to play.

Ridley Scott said you’re the definition of Moses. What do you think about that?

How do you get pleasure from playing a difficult character?

I don’t know if that’s a compliment because I think the man was likely schizophrenic and was one of the most barbaric individuals that I ever read about in my life. Now I respect completely that he is the major prophet in Judaism and a major prophet in Islam and Christianity, and the story is one that is just beyond resonance in human history. He did phenomenal things. But the man was an absolute contradiction. It’s a story of revolution and he did free the slaves who were being kept in a fascist state as slave labour. It was sort of genocide by slave labour; you know, he used to throw them at these monuments. If they die, who cares? Much like America with Chinese labour on the railroads and German Nazis with Jews in World War II. There was extermination but there was also just futile work which people were put to in order to kill them. Just useless work, digging ditches non‐stop that had no purpose. And so he’s a man who did free those people and therefore he’s a freedom ﬁghter, right? But to Egypt he’s a terrorist. And then you get the question of, “Okay, once they’ve achieved their freedom, they’re on the exodus, what happens then?” And whoa! I was stunned. I’ve not read the Torah before and I was stunned about the symbol of the golden calf and his response to it. And I was stunned about Numbers 31 – his response to POWs and his execution of them as well. He’s a very troubled and tumultuous man. You know when God ﬁrst meets him, [Moses] says, “No that’s not

I think you have to move beyond the expectations that inevitably people are going to have. You know in the same way that you get in a Shakespearean play… the first two rows of the audience they’re sitting there saying the lines; they know any time anybody messes up. And it’s the same thing but more so for the Bible because this involves belief and a code of ethics upon how to live your life. And so they’re looking for, “What have you included? What have you not included?” And there will inevitably be very important parts of the Bible that Ridley has chosen not to include which would be important to some audience members. And so if we take licence with this, in doing that you have to say, “What am I doing?” I am therefore going try to make them as human as possible. And that was always the intention with this film, to have it be a very, very human story between Ramses and Moses. Ridley always said to me from the get‐go, “I don’t want to make this an overtly biblical story. I want to look at that story and then translate it into film of this rivalry between two brothers. That’s what I’m interested in making”.

Do you ever decide on a role depending on whether it’s a good or bad guy? I don’t really. I just kind of look at each one as its own entity. I don’t really think, “Oh I did a few bad guys, this time do a few good guys, this time do a bad guy”. Bad guys are very fun to play.

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EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

“FOR ME RIGHT NOW BEING A POWERFUL MAN IS BEING ABLE TO SAY, I’M DOING NOTHING BUT SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY AND THAT’S IT.”

Interesting. Alright. I dreamed I would be Marc Marquez winning Moto GP. If there’s somebody I want to be, I want to be him. I love motorcycles… I just don’t ride them so much anymore because my enthusiasm outdid my skill. But in honesty, I don’t know. I did very badly at school. I had no potential for going to college. I’ve been done for shoplifting. And that was even with the hope of a film career. So without having that I don’t know what the hell I would’ve been getting up to. I know that my dad would’ve supported anything, no matter how illegal it was, other than doing a nine to five job. So I’m thinking it would’ve been an interesting life, you know, it just would’ve been very different, my interviews would’ve been probably in cells is all I can imagine.

Tell us about your motorbikes. Did you start on a scooter? Oh no, I went straight into dirt biking and 250 Suzuki. I don’t anymore. But then I had a CBR 600RR. I’ve still got a 4 stroke 400. But I was on a BMW 1000 when I came oﬀ.

What defines a powerful man today? As a man you’re meant to be ambitious, right? And just looking at my career. I’m meant to be pursuing that all the time. Well, I’ve done that a lot and I kind of go, “Well, I’ve got a daughter, I’ve got a newborn son and for me right now being a powerful man is being able to say, I’m doing nothing but spending time with my family and that’s it”. Because it’s being able to do what you choose to do, isn’t it? Not what you feel other people expect you to do. So regardless of what their response is to that – you know, why aren’t you working? Why aren’t you trying? Because that’s not important to me right now. This is what’s important to me right now. And that’s a powerful man because he’s able to actually pursue his own dream regardless of other’s opinions.

What’s your position on faith? I’m from the north of England and therefore I was brought up the traditional way where you go to Sunday school. I had to be eventually an altar boy and mix the wine for the vicar and attend in communion and all that stuﬀ. I did get very bored with that and I used to sneak oﬀ and play tennis instead. But it’s always been there though; religion is something that is built in to all of us. I think you’re either in denial of it – and the fact that you’re in strong denial of it, it means you really actually are thinking about it because the one thing common to all religion is life after death, and what we all hope for is life after death, so that means to say, if you really believe and hope for life after death, doesn’t that really mean you really believe something, dare we say the word God?

AVTA/FAMOUS

If Steven Spielberg hadn’t hired you for Empire of the Sun when you were a kid, where would you be today?

irector Ridley Scott’s other work includes Gladiator, The Grey and Prometheus amongst other famous films and TV shows. He was even knighted in 2003 for his “substantial contribution to the British film industry”. It is said that in this film Sir Ridley has gone all out using state of the art visual effects and 3D immersion. It is set to be one of his biggest epics yet.

“THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ARE PRETTY OBVIOUS THINGS TO WRITE DOWN AND THEY’RE PRETTY OBVIOUS RULEBOOK FOR HARMONY.” So you’re not a believer? No, I don’t go to church… but I believe in certainly setting your own codes and standards that might be akin to being decent and acting properly… which is fundamentally the basis of religion in terms of Moses and the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments are pretty obvious things to write down and they’re pretty obvious rulebook for harmony. Do we practice it? Absolutely not. We’re still warlike today, aren’t we?

Any other genres you’d still like to tackle? I mean the only thing I really want to do is a western. I’d like to do a musical. But I do a very nice job and I’m very lucky to still be doing it. And to a certain extent, it is creativity that makes it even more pleasurable and I’m very grateful I’m still doing it.

Only a certain extent? Oh yes, only to a certain extent. The bottom line is to put bums on seats. If I don’t we’re out of business. Films cost so much today that you have to consider, “Am I communicating?” I learnt that with advertising. Are we communicating? If you’re not communicating you have a problem. Or you do a tiny movie where it doesn’t really matter.

Was it your idea to do Exodus in 3D? Yeah, I said I wanted to do it in 3D. I love 3D. I’d do the same again. I mean particularly when you shoot, we shoot it, we cut and it’s not a big deal. It’s been made into a big deal but it’s not. f

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EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS How many special effects shots were there in this movie and which was the most challenging? 13 hours of special eﬀects shots, and the most challenging will be all water. The water is tough.

Is the possibility of 3D and CGI the reason the Exodus story is back again? It seems every generation has their version of the story. Do they? I don’t think they do. When people asked me to tell them the story of Exodus, ﬁrstly they’d say, “Isn’t he the guy who came down the mountain with the stone tablets or something?” They don’t know anything of the rest of the story.

So Exodus is for those people? It brings you right through from where he was discovered to be Hebrew. But you see him as a prince of Egypt and you see him more of a brother with Ramses than anything else. They’re not blood. Ramses will be the next Pharaoh. Moses will never be that. But he’s an important military commander.

How did you shoot the whole thing in only 74 days? It’s because I work really fast and I’m very experienced. I knock the ball against the wall a lot and so it’s called a decision, being decisive. The hardest thing to do was get the screenplay down. In any instance you got to get the screenplay and if you don’t get that then it becomes a nightmare. When ﬁlms are green‐lit without a real ﬁnished screenplay that’s where you get into trouble. I won’t move until I got a proper screenplay. Then I can budget it properly, I know exactly what I’m doing.

After all your time as a director do you still get nervous before a shoot? Oh yeah, a little bit. I mean I was a little bit concerned on this one because we had so little time to shoot and I was staring at the set. This ﬁeld, this place in Spain, which is a kilometre long, and all I’ve got, is a very ratty line of palm trees and the rest is dust. And I thought,

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“My God, this is going to have to be a city in nine, eleven weeks” and there’s a big bulldozer standing with the guy sitting there looking mean. It was scary.

Any worries about offending Christians by adapting a Bible story? It’s par for the course but I can’t worry about it. All I can do is do the best thing I can. I think the key is to become your own critic. You can’t say to your best friend, “What do you think?” You’re never going to get the right answer. So you have to work it out for yourself. You got to sit there and read it and read, and read, and read, pare down, pare down, pare down, trim, trim, trim, trim.

What kind of things do you do to prepare for a movie? For this I looked at a lot of paintings. Paintings of the period are mostly murals. There weren’t any real formal paintings as such but the murals tell you a lot and also the art, the photographs and artifacts that are now in museums. Looked at a lot of that. But above all things I looked at a lot of the 19th century paintings: big, huge paintings that went through the Egyptian period and the Orientals period. The Orientalists would cover Egyptian and Moroccan and Roman and Greek domestic scenes.

I’m sure you reread the Bible a few times before. Did you find it to be more of a fairytale after you studied it? No. There’s definitely something. It can’t be the biggest hoax ever to be pulled off in 5,000 years, in this instance 2,500 years. I thought the script I was handed was a good enough story to believe in it. And then I took that script and completely had it rewritten because I had to go through the various considerations and options of what may or may not have happened. I have to go through that. It’s my job as a filmmaker. And take note; there’s no real written information other than the Old Testament.

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AVTA/FAMOUS

EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

oel Edgerton has starred in many ﬁlms including King Authur, Zero Dark Thirty and The Great Gatsby. Now he is set to play a lead part as Rhamses in Exodus: Gods and Kings.

Your character had to be hairless. How hairless did you have to be and how painful was that? Well, I watched 40 Year Old Virgin, so I avoided going to wax [laughter] ‘cause I saw how painful it was for Steve Carell. But no, I shaved almost my entire body, I won’t tell you what was left, but just shaved.

Was it more fun? No, terrifying. I don’t know who is doing it – but it’s generally more the women than the men – but it’s terrifying. There’s a lot of research to support that the Pharaohs were hairless, and so we kind of ran with that and Ridley is a very decisive person. If somebody runs up to him on set and says, “Do you want the red curtains or the blue curtains?” Ridley is not someone who is like, “Hmm, well”, he’s just like, “Red” – and there’s no question about it. So here’s what happened with me: I found out I was doing the movie via the internet, the trade papers announced that I was in the movie and I had a conversation with Fox about it and I knew there was a conversation about it, but I assumed that it would be Christian and someone else. And I had gone through a sort of dark and interesting period in my life, very personal things, a funeral and all sorts of stuﬀ and so I wasn’t thinking about movies for a little while, and I just wrapped Jane Got A Gun, which was a very complicated experience, so I was just like, “I need a break”. And I was sitting on the beach and I got a “congratulations” phone

message and I didn’t know what for, and then I realised that I had been told by the trade papers that now I was in this movie. I was in Bondi Beach, and so I kind of started to explore the idea of what doing that meant for me and I was talking with my agent before… I was desperate to work with Ridley since Kingdom of Heaven, which I nearly got a job on at some point. I said, “Don’t say yes” – I need to know if this is ridiculous or not for me. Like I know that he won’t make a ridiculous movie, but it’s the same feeling I had when I saw Baz about Gatsby, is that I needed him to convince me that I was right for that and this, as we all know, has other layers to it, culturally and racially and the whole sense of the story and the question of whether you believe the story is true or it’s a fable designed to teach us something. So I have this now all in my head and at a time when I don’t want to think about movies and I go to see Ridley, because I need him to convince me. But when I get there, he’s in Spain in a helicopter, doing location and I have to sit there at Pinewood Studios and then go and do this, but no one would shave my head or do anything until he arrived. But when he arrived, it was like bang, “Can I shave your head?” Yep. Oﬀ.

Are you quite insecure then? I need to know, and I think it’s become a bit of a patently [obvious thing] with me actually is that I go, “Oh, I am terriﬁed of this” – therefore I walk towards it, but at the same time I need the director to kind of help me cross the ravine and say grab my hand, this is going to be okay, we are going to do this together.

There was a lot of buzz about casting a Caucasian person as Ramses. What do you think about that? It’s not up to the actor who gets cast in a movie to make decisions. You are hired to do a job, make‐up people are hired to transform you into the part, and you do the best to play the role. Listen, I got asked to do a job and it would have been very hard to say “no” to that job. f Sorted. Jan/Feb 2015

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EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

“AS HUMANS, WE SHOULD TREAT EACH OTHER WITH THE SAME RESPECT THAT WE WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED OURSELVES.” Did you have to dig into that historical period and do research? Well, it’s interesting, I don’t dig too deep and that’s not to say that I’m looking to create a shallow performance. I think what’s interesting is, I cherry‐pick things that I need to know, like what do I need to know? And sometimes you do so much research that it becomes frustrating. For example, the more and more reading that I did about theories about Ramses was that he had dozens of wives, and he had 86 or more, anyway, near on 100 children. But of course that doesn’t really work in the context of the movie [laughter] and to personify and humanise this tyrant, we gave Ramses one wife, or one that we see, and one child, for the impact for the final play, which is the annihilation of the first child of every Egyptian, which was one of the great things that we strived to do. For me, being someone without a real clear purpose and religion, to me this is story that we are telling that has a very important message of revolution and a very important message of that as humans, we should treat each other with the same respect that we would want to be treated ourselves and physics or however you want to put it, the equality of man, the equality of humans, that was the juice of this movie for me. And I, delectably, get to be the baddie of the movie and yet there’s still a real human empathy for Ramses and there’s a darkness and a questionable element here to Moses and I think that’s what will become the great matter for the battle of this movie is that Moses, in his finding of one God and his

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grappling with those conversation of God – and maybe this is me judging it from having seen it – this sense of Moses’ initial rejection of being the mouthpiece of God. And also grappling with those beliefs and wrestling with God, in his choices or God’s choices to be destructive; so there’s such a complicated and such a lightness and darkness to Moses, and with Ramses we tried to create the same thing. There’s this deep ﬁlial love between these men before they separate that Ramses rejects and puts Moses into exile – his alternative choice was to have him killed, but he chooses not to do that.

Ridley says there is no bad guy in the movie. No. Well, there’s a slightly badder guy. Because once the battle of ethics starts, Ramses point of view is the point of view that you probably would say is bad, which is, it’s okay to enslave another race of people, it’s okay that the world has turned in such a way that we are the more powerful people. He has a point of view in this movie that maybe some people are better off having masters, which is a very dark angle on this as well, feeling like, “Hey maybe they are better off that they are not paid and we house them and feed them, but not very well”. And it’s interesting that Moses’ struggle in the movie is in increments, and when he first comes back from Exile, he is saying, he’s not just out and out saying, “Let’s just free these people”, he’s saying, “Make them citizens!” Very progressive and natural thought: let’s make them citizens. And why don’t you pay them?

How did you work with Christian Bale? Is he accessible? I am almost like to kind of burst that bubble, because I love there to be a great [sense] of serious mystery sort of surrounding me and my approach to work and feel free

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EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS just to spread that word, but look, Christian is an incredibly intense and focused person when the time calls for it. But that’s not to say that you can’t look him in the eye and you can’t have a conversation with him on set, in fact one of the funniest moments shooting this movie was standing side by side with Christian, because he has an almost like Pythonesque sense of humour. For example, I would be standing in my Gold armour, in my bright white skirt, in a room full of other guys just dressed in brown leather armour, just all the other soldiers going into the battle of (xxxx‐15:55), in fairly muted colours and Ramses is wearing a “look at me” outfit. What a way to kind of get yourself damaged on the battlefield: “Where’s the Pharaoh? Oh there he is!” [Laughter]. So can you imagine Christian who is known and all of my friends are like, “Is he really intense?” Here’s Christian and here’s me – bling, total Gold – and he’s in the brown, and there’s a long silence, and then he leans into me and goes, “So are you really going to wear that in the battle, are you?” It’s almost that British kind of Monty Python‐esque kind of humour. And we kept each other afloat by having that good spirit on set. Because what we are making obviously is very sincere and has a lot of import, and a very deep meaning and important story and so that’s happening on screen and at times between takes you need to keep that intensity and for certain scenes, yeah, we were really going like this. But the times when you don’t really need to exercise too much energy, there would be this great banter between me and him and Ridley and other actors and we had a really fantastic time. But I have learned a lot about his performances over the years, just watching the great smorgasbord of great characters he’s created and he’s been a real inspiration to me. And so leading into this movie I was so excited that Ridley had given me, not only the chance to work with him, but to also work with Christian.

Exodus: God and Kings will be in cinemas worldwide from mid December 2014.

on how not to make movies in some regard. But that was the early days and we salvaged it and made an incredible thing out of what it was but there was fatigue that came from that and I was sad about certain things that happened and then to add to that, breakup and death. And so all of that all together and I was just like, “Okay”, but I was just like, “Can I sit on the beach for awhile?” And I have had certain moments, and it happens every five or six years, where I don’t fall out of love with what I am doing but I need to get an injection of love, I need to get the botox back, just pump me up. And Ridley did that for me. So late October I was waking up in this apartment in London about to go to set and I was like, I felt like invigorated, in love with work. I felt back to myself, and I made the decision leading in that not only am I going to say “yes” to Ridley, but I am going to work for one whole year non‐stop, and I am just going to dive in, thinking it was going to take me a year to get back to everything, and that was July just gone, and then also I am going to take a break now. But I feel good. But yeah, it was such a wonderful experience and I just loved going on set on every day, because part of it was, your real world is always going to filter in – you could say that, “Don’t escape too much” – but the real world is always going to filter in, so why think about the real world all day long, when you can spend half your day in Ancient Egypt? n

Since you are portraying a very complicated relationship as you were saying on screen with you two brothers who are rivals, did you sit with each other and discuss it before? How did you approach this as actors? It’s interesting because each director has their own approach and sometimes you get a director who doesn’t like rehearsals and they will see you on set, and then you get other directors who want to rehearse something within an inch of its life, and the risk of that is that you tire the material to a point where there is nothing left that’s fresh. What Ridley does which is great is that he got Christian and I together for like three or four days in a row, just like a half day each day and talked through each scene of the movie that we have together. And then he would get Christian together with John Turturro, and they would talk through their journey in the movie together and Sigourney and I, same thing and my relationship with my mother through the movie. And so, then you all have an understanding with what you are aiming to achieve and you are all on the same page but you haven’t tired the material. And I thought that was a real wonderful approach and I loved that approach.

You said at the time you didn’t feel like acting, but did that change when you started this job and is that something that you are still dealing with or has it changed you in any way? Basically, the broad headings of what I was going through was just fatigue, a disillusioned kind of feeling about movies because I thought I was at a place where I could sign onto a movie and it wouldn’t be smooth sailing but it would be like, “I am working with a great bunch of professionals.” And on Jane Got A Gun, if there’s ever a book written about it, is a kind of a guide

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EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

What’s the Story? BY ANDY HICKFORD

iven that he was 80 before his life’s work really began, Moses was the champion of all late developers. That’s not to say that his first 80 years were uneventful – far from it. Born as a Jew into slavery in Egypt he very narrowly escaped genocide as a baby – a remarkable turn of events saw him rescued from the River Nile by an Egyptian princess and bought up as her son. Cue the first 40 years of Egyptian princely privilege. At 40, Moses had a bigger mid‐life crisis than most: he murdered someone. In a fit of rage he killed an Egyptian foreman abusing a Jewish slave. Realising princely privilege was about to come to an abrupt and uncomfortable end, he fled Egypt and sought asylum in Midian where he assumed a new identity as a shepherd. Cue the next 40 years of … well… sheep.

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Then, just at the point when Moses was identifying the best care home in Midian, God appears to him one day in a burning bush and announces that he had been divinely head‐ hunted for one of the biggest jobs in the whole of the Bible. He was to go back to Egypt, instruct Pharaoh that his entire nation of Jewish slaves was to be set free and that Moses was then to lead them into a promised land. God would prepare for them. Given that Moses was still potentially a wanted man in Egypt and that Pharaoh was not used to being told what to

do, given that to set the workforce free would be to invite Egyptian economic meltdown; and given that there were no vacant nations awaiting new tenants – Moses gently enquired whether God had another candidate. Turns out He didn’t. Cue the next 40 years and some of the greatest leadership the world has ever seen. Moses returns to Egypt, negotiates the release of his people (assisted by some catastrophic plagues) and leads them out of captivity only to be chased by the Egyptian army (who were having second thoughts about the economy). Moses prays to God and Israel manages to cross the Red Sea but the Egyptians drown. At Mount Sinai Moses is entrusted by God with the Ten Commandments and the law for his chosen people but it turns out that whilst it took only a day for Israel to get out of Egypt, it was to take the next 40 years to get Egypt out of Israel. 40 long hot dusty gritty years of daily survival in the desert until they were ready to inherit a promised land. Yet every day of that 40 years Moses led a nation with the most enormous courage, faith and patience, all the while training up his successor. Some man! n Andy is the Senior Minister at Maybridge Community Church and an Elder who takes the lead on preaching and teaching. Andy also speaks at events and conferences such as Spring Harvest, New Wine and Summer Madness. He joined the church in 1996 and was trained at the London School of Theology. He is married and has three children.

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SIMON GUILLEBAUD

Scars and Stories Simon Guillebaud lives a dangerous kind of faith as he says: “Lord, I’ll do anything, I’ll go anywhere.” BY TIM BARRINGER

“I

have a friend who in the heat of the war was about to be raped by a soldier. He was going to kill her and her three kids. She told him: “I’m not afraid to die because as soon you kill me I’ll be with Jesus,”‘ and he said, “No! God’s dead!” And you could easily believe God was dead at that time. But she prayed, “Lord if you are dead I don’t want to die, so show me you’re alive”. As the man stripped her to rape her, he found all her money stashed in her bra, so he legged it with the other soldiers. She was able to get dressed and get through to relative safety in the Congo with her kids.” It was into this world that Simon Guillebaud arrived in February 1999. He had moved to Burundi, an African country torn apart by decades of ethnic power struggles and violence. I had heard that Simon had been a business development exec in a stable job in London. I was intrigued to hear what had motivated him to leave the comfort of England for central Africa. I admired his passion to live an authentic life for God, so I contacted him. He kindly agreed to tell me some of his story over Skype from Burundi.

So where did it all begin? “In 1998,” Guillebaud told me excitedly. “I’d been to Loughborough to do sports; I was in a normal job. Everything was okay but I knew I was cut out for more. I prayed this prayer ‘Lord I’ll do anything, I’ll go anywhere, I don’t want security I just want to be in your will. That’s the safest place to be’. “I took time out and I went to do Bible training. On the second to last day I was railing at God, ‘Come on, answer me Lord!’ Soon after, I received this piece of paper with this number to ring. Some bloke had been trying to track me down and got my contact from a mate. I called the number and this guy said, ‘I need to meet with you’. So on the last day we met up in Bishopsgate, London. He said, ‘I believe God has sent me to you, He wants you to go to Burundi to be involved in youth mission outreach’. My heart was thumping!” It seemed to be the direction he was looking for. He continues: “Back to my job; I prayed, ‘God if you want me to go to Burundi, right now in front of the computer show me. People will try to kill me, give me a radical sign!’ I didn’t need to wait long when the phone rang and the voice on the other end asked if I knew anyone who wanted to go to work in Burundi! So that was my call, very speciﬁc, I couldn’t deny it.” Burundi may well be less familiar to you than Rwanda. f

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SIMON GUILLEBAUD

The Rwandan genocide of 1994 became front‐page news across the world. These two nations are situated in the Great Lakes heartland of Africa, and up until 1962 they were one country. As with Rwanda, the Burundi people are mostly made up of two tribes, Hutu and Tutsi. Sadly, the history of Burundi, like Rwanda, has been overtaken by the cycle of violence between these two tribes. Brutality and tragedy have destroyed this beautiful country. Today, as a result of conflicts, only a half of the children go to school, a fifth of the population have HIV/Aids, fewer than 2% have access to electricity, and Burundi is officially labelled as the hungriest nation in the world.

“THERE WAS A GUY WHO CAME TO MY HOUSE WITH A GRENADE TO BLOW ME UP, SAID HE WAS GOING TO CUT OUT MY EYES.” With a heart to reach the vulnerable up and coming generation, in 1999 Guillebaud started oﬀ as the only “Mzungu” (white person) in the Burundi Scripture Union team, travelling around the war torn country preaching and running youth camps. How was the initial adjustment? “Day one: got mugged by street kids, got most of my money stolen. I just thought, bring it on! You start where you are, with what you’ve got, how you can. I didn’t have any money so borrowed a bicycle – the only white guy in the country cycling around, a sweating minger in the dense heat and humidity.”

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Amongst the challenges of acclimatising to life in Burundi, it was clear to me that Guillebaud knew he was not alone. “The first email I sent said, ‘Guys I really need a computer’ and that morning a mate of mine woke up in London and prayed, ‘Lord who should I give my computer to?’ Amazing answer to prayer! God gives to empty hands and I was stuffed unless God intervened.” The reality of war was evident wherever Guillebaud went. Shelling and shootouts even came past the front door in Bujumbura as rebels attacked the capital a number of times over the years. Remarkably, Guillebaud seemed undaunted. He recalls: “I remember driving with a mate along one of the most dangerous roads in the world. I know that because my mum even sent me a newspaper report with Burundi topping the charts just to encourage me! My mate looked over at me and with a glint in his eye said, ‘Isn’t it exciting that we are immortal till God calls us home’. No one used those roads unless they absolutely had to and we were using them all the time. People listened because they knew we were willing to die for the message. “I think most people take their important decisions out of a paradigm of fear. It limits them and we can live free from fear by faith wherever we are, whether in a post‐ conflict zone or whether we are living in the safety of suburbia. We are called to take risks, take on challenges because if we are stuck in our comfort zone we’re not living by faith, it’s all under our control. So the best thing I, and all of us, can model to our kids, the next generation, is a life of risk‐taking, of faith. Then we have stories to tell. If we haven’t got stories to tell all we end up with are bumper stickers and slogans when God is calling us to scars and stories.” Throughout this time amazing things were indeed happening. “At one of our youth camps a girl had heard the music as she had been on the way to blow up the people that had killed her family with a grenade. Because of the singing she came in on the way to destruction and God touched her heart. She confessed and brought out this grenade, which meant the people she was on the way to kill weren’t dead and in another decade they wouldn’t kill hers and so we broke a cycle of violence in Jesus name, absolutely stunning!” Living in a war zone certainly brought perspective. “For me every day is a gift because I thought I would be dead by now. There was a guy who came to my house with a grenade to blow me up, said he was going to cut out my eyes. Brilliant experience as it made me value my eyes for the first time. Our national pastime as Brits is moaning. We’re always moaning about whatever. Actually if you are grateful, grateful people are happy people. These things are grace gifts of God. We feel like moaning when we have food to eat, clothes on the back, and education!” In 2001, Guillebaud took some time out to go to All Nations College where he met Lizzie, they married in 2003. They now have three children, two boys and a girl. A fragile peace eventually came to Burundi in 2005. After years of outreaching, running youth camps, visiting prisons, setting up an AIDs programme and throwing street kid parties, Guillebaud decided the best way forward was to invest in future leaders and multiply himself. As a result, he created the umbrella organisation “Great Lakes Outreach” (GLO) in 2008, which now works local groups for the transformation of Burundi. I find GLO’s breadth of focus as exciting as it is impressive. Guillebaud listed off their work. “We have a Christian HIV/Aids outreach. We’ve seen the Batwa Pygmies (an impoverished minority ethnic group) lifted out of poverty. We’ve built a hotel to generate funds to plough back into the work. We have one of the first English speaking schools. Last month we sent out 10,010 evangelists to do two weeks flat out evangelism. 11,000 people came to Jesus. 60 were healed including cripples, the dumb, the deaf, and the blind. There was even f

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SIMON GUILLEBAUD one guy that was arrested and put in prison and then led all his cell mates to Jesus before he was released.” GLO also oversees a mentoring program for emerging leaders, orphanages, medical clinics and schools, as well as agricultural projects and small business development. Burundi’s challenges, however, remain vast. “You can focus on the bad stuff or you can focus on what God has already done. At least I get the incredible encouragement of seeing breakthrough.” Guillebaud sees the nation being transformed from the bottom up. “My dream for Burundi is the new generation rising up and marching to the beat of a different drum, not being in nepotism, corruption, ethnic hatred, all the stuff that’s decimated the nation. We are seeing it happen. I was at a Government prayer breakfast in Bujumbura with the president recently; a lady came up and asked, ‘Do you remember me?’ She said fifteen years ago I was in your youth camp and now I’m a member of parliament and to me that was beautiful. That is exactly what we are about, transforming the nation from the bottom up.” Nowhere is this extraordinary hope more apparent than at GLO’s new International school. “Gitega International Academy would be the best illustration of top down bottom up because it’s for our orphans that have come through our orphanage program and it’s also for the richest kids in the country who help subsidise the poorest. So you’ve literally got MPs sending their kids there with the orphans, both in the same school uniform. This is a 20 year vision to see them raised up, marching to the beat of a different drum as shakers of the nation. Very exciting!”

Simon was adamant that he has no regrets leaving the UK. Is there anything he misses? “I miss family, and I miss grandparents and grandkids together. I miss curries and beer.” For Simon Guillebaud, Burundi has become his home. He is proud to have become a Burundian citizen. I asked Simon what happened to the lady who escaped to Congo with her kids. “She came back (to Burundi) and heard that the man who was going to penetrate her, kill her and who had killed lots of other people was already in prison. The prisons here… well unless someone brings you food you rot. So she went to see him. She said, ‘You told me God is dead, I’m here to tell you that He’s alive, He loves you, He forgives you and He’s told me to do the same. So I love you, I am going to care for you and I forgive you’.” Whether from these remarkable Burundi people or from Guillebaud himself it would seem we have a lot to learn. Simon Guillebaud has just released a new book called “Choose Life”. It is a daily devotional full of inspiring stories of the radical men that have inspired him. Every day oﬀers up a new story with new choices to make. Perhaps, like me, Guillebaud’s own story has challenged and inspired you to join him in his pursuit of an authentic and passionate life following Jesus. If so, you’ll want to pick up his new book and respond to his challenge. The prologue states: “What you have before you is an invitation to a year of good choices. If you embrace the challenge fully, I have no doubt it will be the most memorable year of your life.” Looking at the world today I can sometimes be tempted to despair. Listening to Simon, however, I am reminded of the reality that God loves this world and cares for those in the midst of trouble and tragedy. We do have a choice. God knows we need more men and women like Simon and Lizzie Guillebaud who will make themselves available to the call. Are you and I willing? Are we ready for the adventure? n 76

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To read more of Simon’s stories, struggles, adventures (and misadventures) you can buy Simon’s book “Dangerously Alive”, which chronicles his ﬁrst ten years in Burundi and “Bike for Burundi” which follows his blogs as he cycled across the breadth of America to raise money for GLO. For more information on GLO itself you can ﬁnd the website at www.greatlakesoutreach.com. Simon also writes a blog at www.simonguillebaud.com.

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JOLLIE SOCKS

Take Nothing for Granted As homelessness in the UK grows and the Government cuts back on social welfare, Jollie Goods comforts those suﬀering one pair of socks at a time.

d Vickers, the founder of Jollie Goods, became sick of feeling helpless at the sight of increasing numbers of homeless people begging for money as he walked through the street. So he decided to ﬁnd a sustainable way to help people get back on their feet. This method revolved around the idea of the “wear a pair, share a pair” campaign meaning that Jollie Goods sell you a pair of socks and then give a pair to a homeless person in your local area. The company eliminates the dreaded feeling of walking by someone begging, fumbling around for loose change and not knowing how the money will be spent. Thus the business provides a platform to buy a product and support the homeless through a supportable infrastructure. Vickers understood this feeling of never feeling comfortable with giving them money but still really wanting to help them. So instead he built an eﬀective way of giving the homeless support. The idea for the company came from Vickers’ time spent at a local shelter. “Whenever I turned up to help

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out at the shelter I was continuously asked to bring pairs of socks. Seeing that this would benefit them I loved bringing as many pairs as I could find, bar the ones that were on my actual feet. These socks however seemed like such a short‐term help and frustrated me as I could only bring a handful at a time. This frustration encouraged me to brainstorm a larger idea, which involved socks. I didn’t intend to turn it into a business. It wasn’t an idea that I had been developing since I was a kid – my dream as a kid was to be Jonny Wilkinson and nothing else – but it quickly became a natural extension, and now I just love the company and the work we do.” Jollie Goods, since its birth, has grown steadily and now sells five different pairs of socks named: The Punster, The Jester, No. 1, The Prankster and The Joker. The company prides itself on trying to build competent, helpful ways of supporting local people. For example, this is shown in the high quality socks, which may seem like a small thing but makes a big difference. Socks provide comfort and are essential for staying clean, warm and dignified. Thus these socks are crucial to

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JOLLIE SOCKS changing the lives of homeless people across the country. What is so admirable about this company is that it focuses on problems that are so apparent in our day‐to‐day lives. Poverty is often seen as a problem belonging to Third World countries and something distant, when in fact it is staring us in the face. The amount of poverty that we can all see, if we choose to look, is shocking. Change is essential and through Jollie Goods we can give help to those less fortunate than us. Some of you reading this article may be unsure about the statistics of homeless people in the UK. It is fair to say that it is a very diﬃcult number to collect and analyse, as the nature of the problem is that people are constantly on the move. However the YMCA has calculated that there are over 75,000 homeless young people in the UK. The Joseph Rowntree Foundation estimates that one in ten people will experience homelessness at some point in their lifetime. In 2013 alone, rough sleeping rose by six percent across the country.

“YOU KNOW WHAT MEANS MORE THAN YOUR MONEY? YOUR INTEREST, AND THE FACT YOU TALKED TO ME AND DIDN’T LOOK AT ME AS IF I WAS SOME ILL DOG.” The aim of this piece is not to “guilt trip” anyone but simply to inform and highlight a business which is making a difference. Jollie Goods have now supported seven different charities with a total of 2,500 pairs of socks and is continuously growing. The problem with homelessness in the UK is that it is overlooked. At the minute the UK is a hostile place to be if you’re homeless since you are involuntarily entered into a vicious circle: once you’re homeless you slowly lose basic health levels, you experience a lack of sleep due to the cold or a need to move on, and you’re ignored by society. I’m not meaning to point any fingers because I’ve walked by a homeless person many a time and I have told myself I was “too busy for them”. But, as much as we don’t always do the altruistic thing, there are times when we can, and supporting a business that has a practical infrastructure is one of them. I remember stopping by this homeless man a few years ago and asking him about his day and giving him some money and his response was enlightening. He said: ‘Thank you so much, but you know what means more than your money? Your interest, and the fact you talked to me and didn’t look at me as if I was some ill dog.” So supporting Jollie Goods is a great step, but let’s also encourage one another to talk to homeless people and recognise them on the street. If financial support is not available, then you can still give them time. Not all UK companies will support the poor but raising awareness of the dire state of those in poverty – and encouragement to recognise homelessness itself – deserves high praise. Jollie Goods is also looking to expand in terms of its support of people with no place to call home. Vickers said: “We are always looking to expand our network of homeless charities. One of my visions for the company is to try and involve the homeless in the production and distribution of the goods. Then we cannot only help the homeless with basic essentials but provide them with jobs, whether that’s through a work experience or internship. We need to keep finding not short‐term fixes but long‐term solutions. Socks are only the start.” When talking to Vickers I was intrigued by how he managed to develop a company and study for his university degree. He replied: “University was a dream to be honest; the support they gave me was incredible. They not only

provided financial backing for me but also a business mentor who was so helpful in shaping my ideas and what the company is today. Throughout my years at university I actually found myself with lots of time to develop the company and do my degree. Being a student is great as you have so much spare time to think and can find mentors and contacts once you develop an idea.” Finally, I was intrigued by his response to the favourite part of his job. “I love working for myself as it means my roles can change daily, but most of all I love seeing the individual differences the company, through other people’s support, makes. Giving a bunch of new socks to a homeless charity is wonderful and then seeing them be put on is awesome.” Businesses like Jollie Goods can only function through people’s interest and support in terms of finance and promotion. If, like me, you have fallen in love with the business then the socks can be purchased on the website: https://www.jolliesocks.com, or equally through retailers including John Lewis. The future of Jollie Goods is looking rather woolly and warm with their brand growing and recognition ever increasing. The company saw a big rise in sales due to John Lewis agreeing to stock the product in early 2013 (after Vickers pitched his business at a Start Up Britain event). The company is also set to release beanie hats and rucksacks, which will lead to the donation of warm hats and sleeping bags to the homeless. Socks are a basic necessity; as you put yours on tomorrow remember that for some people socks have become a luxury. As homelessness grows in the UK, let’s make sure we combat its growth through supporting companies like Jollie Goods. n

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BUSINESS

CHARLES HUMPHREYS

We’re in Business Job Search with a Diﬀerence

t was one of those supremely character‐forming days. In my hand was a card for my first Job Centre appointment, and what made it so embarrassing was that I had been a careers adviser at this same Job Centre only a few short weeks ago before losing my job. Phrases such as “physician heal thyself” and “surely it can’t be that difficult to find a job?” churned around inside my skull like the National Lottery balls, and I wondered how long it would take for my lucky numbers to be chosen – and find a new job! When your back is against the wall – when your credit card bills and your self‐esteem need paying off – you simply want a job‐search technique that works, and fast. Here are some secrets that real people have used to find work in a very tough job market.

It’s quality, not quantity, that matters Graduate Simi was having no joy from her email blasts for a job. She decided to change tack and focus on submitting exactly what the employer was requesting in an ad: a covering letter and CV that mirrored the essential and desirable list in the job description. It took a lot more time and effort but within three short weeks she received a number of job offers. Remember that an effective jobsearch strategy doesn’t always look like throwing a handful of confetti in the air hoping that at least one piece will hit its target. Don’t give an employer a reason to throw your CV in the bin because you haven’t taken the time to give them what they want!

Maintain a clean online profile Take some time to self-Google so you can make sure that your online personality is how you want the world to view you. Once images and comments are posted online, they are “out there” for good. As a chef once said, “You can add, but you can’t take away”. So be careful that you don’t put compromising photos of yourself on Facebook or Instagram – employers will find them and blow your cover!

Make contact with organisations you like Abdul, a charity worker in Kent wrote a letter, enclosing his CV, to a charity where he wanted to work, and underlined how much he admired their organisation and their achievements. He received an offer of work a few weeks later. It wasn’t just that he was being complimentary; he was also demonstrating his proactive and positive mindset. This targeted approach won’t work every time, but is a great way of accessing the 70% of unadvertised jobs in the UK.

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Showcase yourself in a blog Jess got an offer from a PR agency after she told them about her blogging site. This approach will work well, especially if you want help in standing out from the crowd, and demonstrate the abundance of skills at your fingertips. Check out: Tumblr.com Weebly.com Squarespace.com Blog.com Wordpress.com

Pound the pavement After Gil lost his job in financial services, he printed out a stack of CVs and targeted a number of organisations. He found that it was a great way of enabling the decision-making person not only to assess you face-to-face but also for you to assess them. Now you’ve shaken his hand, you can weigh up whether you really want to work for someone with a wet-fish handshake!

Charles is an experienced careers coach and founder of Christian‐ based careers coaching service Want2get on? (www.want2geton.co.uk), which oﬀers one‐on‐one careers counselling, workshops and seminars. He wrote The Christian Guide to Jobs and Careers (www.hope4acareer.com), is a busy dad of three young boys and husband to an overworked doctor. He also leads the men’s ministry at Oasis Church in Colliers Wood.

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BUSINESS

MATT BIRD

Relationology Personal Impact

he African‐American poet and actress Maya Angelou said: “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” How you make people feel about themselves determines your personal impact on them. Whether you want to ﬂourish in a crowded room, build a loyal and motivated team or strengthen and grow a client relationship, ask how you make those people feel about themselves.

Do you make people feel at ease or on edge? If you make people feel at ease you will more easily develop a sense of connection and chemistry with them. By contrast if you make people feel on edge they will tend to disengage and distance themselves from you and the situation you are in. You can help people feel at ease by simply breaking the ice and engaging in small talk about the weather, last night’s television or today’s news. Beyond that try matching the tone, energy and volume of your voice to the person you are with so that you are in sync with them. I’m not suggesting you try to be someone you’re not, but simply consider how

who you are impacts upon others and whether you can make adjustments in order to help people connect with you. Also try mirroring your physiology and micro-behaviours to those of the person you are with. For example, if you were with a child you might lean down to be at their level.

Do you make people feel special or insignificant? If you help people feel special they become a bigger and even better version of themselves. If by contrast you make people feel insignificant they shrink and become a smaller version of themselves. One of the most powerful approaches to helping people feel special is by

genuinely listening to them, rather than talking at them. Ask people open questions that encourage them to talk about themselves and their world. Talk about other people’s achievements and celebrate them, rather than being drawn by the temptation of talking about yours.

Do you make people feel appreciated or taken for granted? If you make people feel appreciated they will be loyal, highly motivated and committed to achieving great outcomes with you. By contrast, if people feel taken for granted they will disengage, become demotivated and consider moving on from the organisation. It sounds simple but it really is that straightforward. Start appreciating people more and see your personal impact transformed. Thank people personally for specific things they have done. Recognise people in front of others, whether that be colleagues or clients for the valuable contribution they make and find appropriate ways to reward people for their achievements within the organisation.

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If you want to feel better about yourself or have a greater impact on others lower your self‐orientation and start focusing on how you are making other people feel about themselves. n

Matt Bird helps individuals, teams and organisations build the relationships needed to achieve greater success. He is an international keynote speaker and author of the new book ‘Relationology: 101 Secrets to grow your business through the power of relationships’ www.relationology.co.uk @relationology

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BUSINESS

MARTIN CARTER

Bolder & Boulder Are You Man Enough For No‐Man’s Land?

“GETTING ON WITH PEOPLE GIVES YOU MORE CONTROL. IF YOU SEE THE WORLD AS AN ENEMY, YOU WON’T GET VERY FAR.” Palin’s quote. Conflict is now our default strategy for dealing with differences of opinion. Those who disagree with us are the enemy. Debate has been replaced with trench warfare. But trench warfare only ever leads to stalemate. Palin’s right: treating the world as your enemy doesn’t get you very far.

Maurice Clements/FAMOUS

’ve just read an interview with Monty Python’s Michael Palin in which he asserted that: “Getting on with people gives you more control. If you see the world as an enemy, you won’t get very far.” At ﬁrst glance it doesn’t seem that revolutionary or shocking. So why did the journalist decide to highlight it in bold typeface? Presenting every issue as a battle between two opposing sides used to be reserved for party politics but nowadays virtually every debatable point is portrayed as a battlefield. And as with all battlefields, you don’t want to get caught in no‐man’s land. Instead we’re expected to choose a side, entrench our views and join the war of words against the enemy – that’s why the journalist highlighted

But is “getting on with people” really any better? Doesn’t that mean you have to be permissive or weak? Won’t they just take advantage of you? How does that give you more control? Winston Churchill, who knew a thing or two about conflict, famously said, “jaw‐ jaw is better than war‐war”. Getting on with people doesn’t mean agreeing with everything they say, suppressing your opinions or changing your beliefs. It simply means recognising their right to hold a different view and respecting that view by actively listening to it. So if it’s that simple why do we consistently choose stalemate instead? Because the alternative is to leave the safety of our trenches and venture out into no‐man’s land where our thoughts and beliefs can be shot at. No‐man’s land demands more, not less, self‐confidence and belief in yourself and the views you hold. But to break the stalemate, you have to go there. That’s a sign of strength not weakness. So maybe it’s time to call a truce. Maybe it’s time to seek out those who you’ve been fighting – those with whom you have a battle‐ scarred relationship – and suggest you swap war‐war for jaw‐jaw. Maybe it’s time to climb out of your trench and meet in no‐man’s land. Feels too scary? Can’t believe they’ll meet you halfway? Has the battle been too bloody? Is your no‐ man’s land too deadly? Maybe, but I doubt it. A hundred years ago German and British soldiers fighting the bloodiest and most brutal of wars agreed an unofficial truce and met in no‐man’s land on Christmas Day 1914. They chatted, exchanged souvenirs and famously played football (the Germans presumably winning on penalties). Even in the most desperate of situations, humanity breaks out when people agree to stop fighting. So heed Palin’s words and pick your battles more wisely. And maybe it time to honour our ancestors, leave our intellectual trenches and head out into no‐man’s land. n

Martin is an experienced leadership coach, consultant and facilitator. He helps individuals, groups and organisations to make a bigger diﬀerence in the world by equipping them to be bolder in their actions and conversations as well as helping them shift the boulders that sometimes get in the way. Martin lives in the West Midlands with his wife and three children. You can contact him at martin@martincarterassociates.com. @MartinPCarter

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BUSINESS

MARTIN THOMAS

Collective Action

Commitment Transforms a Promise into Reality

hat commitments have you made in your life? Pledges to people, animals, things, issues… God? When you made them, did you consider whether they were for life? Or were they more ﬂeeting – like the millions of slightly tipsy resolutions that will be made this New Year… only to be broken in such quick succession. How long do the things that we say matter last? Abraham Lincoln said: “Commitment is the stuﬀ character is made of; the power to change the face of things.” These words take us a step deeper, challenging us to make commitments that matter; promises that shape our very identities, like a personal covenant investment bond that grows compound interest –

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something that is outworked within our lives and beyond. A commitment to lasting change in children’s lives is at the heart of the identity of Viva – a global charity that is all about a covenant promise to and with vulnerable children and their families. A promise that says we will be there for as long as it takes – an organisational life commitment that causes a highly eﬀective global team to continually develop lasting solutions to transform the situations children face. For those who work in the voluntary sector the New Year brings many hopes, dreams and even fears. What commitments will we be able to keep? What circumstances may force us to change course? Will our supporters, who so generously engage and give of their time, skills

and financial resources, still be able stand firm alongside? One way of ensuring that commitments stand the test of time is to rearticulate why we made them in the first place. For Viva, these commitments mean life – life for children and life for those who care for them. n It’s a commitment that provides comprehensive training to caregivers, mentors, teachers, church pastors and community leaders. Last year Viva equipped nine organisations and four churches in Delhi, India to improve their standards of work with nearly 5,000 children. n It’s a commitment that empowers children to take part in advocacy campaigns. Last year Viva helped Child Ambassadors in Honduras to “vaccinate” 1,500 parents and guardians against violence towards children as part of the Good Treatment campaign. n It’s a commitment that grows the capacity of Viva’s partner networks in cities, making best use of local people’s knowledge and experiences. In Zimbabwe, with its considerable political, economic and social challenges, children are being educated and families strengthened. By engaging with work like this, Viva’s “Investor in life” supporters, like Anna Marie Detert (KPMG), have seen their own personal commitments add significant value. She values Viva’s “unique local networked approach” that has the power to transform many lives and has committed to giving to this vision. Could you make a similar commitment this New Year? Find out more at viva.org/invest n Martin Thomas heads up Viva’s mobilisation offices in the UK, North America and Hong Kong (www.viva.org/invest). He is a writer (www.makingsense.life) a trustee of The Bless Network, and a novice barista. He and his family live in Witney, Oxfordshire.

Viva – together for children Unit 8, The Gallery, 54 Marston Street, Oxford, OX4 1LF, UK Registered Charity No. 1053389 Registered in England No. 3162776

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ADVICE

SMART TALK

With Dr Richard Scott, Jojo Meadows and Gerald Coates OUR EXPERTS

Sponsored by Christian Single Mix

Sensitive Subjects Richard Scott has worked as a surgeon, GP and evangelist in England, India and parts of Africa. His wife Heather is also a doctor and the couple have three daughters. Sport is a passion for Richard, interspersed more recently with writing, which developed during treatment for bowel cancer.

My wife has recently become very possessive and wants to check my phone at the end of each day to see if I have been texting other women. I don’t know where this mistrust has come from. We have been married for five years, we have had a relatively easy marriage and am starting to wonder if it is projection and I should be worried that actually she is cheating on me? How do I approach this?

RS For starters, don’t copy her! It

Jojo Meadows is passionate about spreading God’s word in an original way. She trained as a counsellor and helped to run a crisis centre in Solihull before being headhunted by Connexions to develop courses for senior schools. Jojo has been through many life-changing experiences including anorexia, teenage pregnancy, rape and cervical cancer. This motivated her to help others who are struggling through difficult circumstances.

Gerald Coates founded the Pioneer network of churches and is married to Anona. The couple live in Leatherhead Surrey and have three sons. Gerald is a speaker, author and broadcaster. His latest book is called Sexual Healing and is for men struggling with pornography.

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maybe that she’s been influenced by the media or her girlfriends’ adverse experiences and is struggling to trust any man. As you talk about the issue, why not go the extra mile and freely offer her access to your phone for a defined agreed time – say three to six months, following which her side of the deal is to accept that your fidelity is fact not fiction. This grey interim period will be imperfect for both of you, but maybe necessary to restore the loving trust that you once had together.

JM Projection is a good word! It

would appear that communication has lapsed between

you both, even though you believe this mistrust has come out of nowhere it has to be addressed immediately as she clearly has trust issues. A relationship cannot function without trust. I believe accommodating her insecurities is actually a negative, as the trust is not there unless you are pandering to her needs. I do believe though that between couples there should be an open policy of being able to look through each other’s phones, as there should be no secrets between one other. So the fact of the matter is, you can both look through each other’s

phone, and you can then see if projection has a part to play!

GC Your wife has picked up on

how easy it is for men to access pornography and sexual relationships by Smartphones. Avoid tensions and arguments – just give her the phone. Don’t make an issue of it. She will see you are not viewing damaging sexual material, or chatting to women. After a month or so ask her how she is doing given your clean phone history. No wife wants to be in competition with prostitutes or sex slaves.

I have a new partner and she is everything I have ever dreamed of. There is one problem though – she has the most offensive breath. Initially I managed to bypass the offence but now, as much as I love her, I’m really wondering how much longer I can cope with it. Are there any health issues that can cause bad breath? Love covers everything! So let’s just address this situation in love. Your dream lady has bad breath, which isn’t pleasant, but it’s NOT the end of the world. There is an array of factors that would contribute to bad breath, also known as halitosis. Diabetes is one illness that causes bad

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ADVICE RS In my experience, when

women nag it’s because they care, and they’re almost always right! Arrowing in at his personal hygiene has failed, so approach the problem from a different angle and get some help. Some men will respond positively to having the health risks of smoking spelled out by a GP: lower life span statistically, at least 40 cancers associated, etc. Once spooked, it may be that you can build on the moment by promising that all fag money saved goes towards your next holiday together.

JM I don’t think requiring your

My boyfriend is a smoker and I hate it! I hate the fact it smells on his clothes and his breath always stinks of stale fags. I have told him he needs to quit, yet he really is doing a shocking job at giving up – what can I do to encourage him to quit and be a positive, non-nagging girlfriend?

GC Both of my parents died at 53

years through smoke‐related heart disease. Our three children never saw these grandparents. This is not just a social issue for you and no doubt friends – but if this is not attended it threatens the entire relationships. Don’t nag – be kind but straight. Tell him this is a major issue regarding your relationship with him and your future children.

breath, so if you observe symptoms that fit under this condition, i.e. an over thirst and need for sugar or feels faint if not eaten, this is something you can observe and mention to avoid the whole bad breath confrontation. It could be poor dental hygiene, layers of plaque leading to gingivitis that again would cause offensive breath. This however requires you to confront the problem in hand, or a cowardly approach is to have a continual supply of mints and chewing gums and keep offering until she gets the hint! One in four suffer from bad breath. Ask her if it is a concern and that you would like to help. Most cases originate when tiny bits of food become trapped in the mouth. Plenty

boyfriend to give up smoking is a bad thing. Obviously the stale fag aroma is an immediate turn off, but more importantly the actual impact smoking has on himself and others around him is what is more concerning. It is one thing to smoke and damage himself, but to smoke around others putting their health in jeopardy is somewhat selfish. I think if he is really struggling, as it is an addiction, you should suggest a GP appointment where they can give patches and advice too. There are also a variety of E‐lites that can replace the smoking of cigarettes reducing health risk dramatically. n

CONTACT US: Got a problem and need an answer? Email: jo@sorted-magazine.com or write to: Smart Talk, Sorted Magazine, PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex BN17 6WX @Jojo_angel21

of water, brushing as often as possible, and a chat with her dentist will help. If washing out the mouth and brushing still leave bad breath, the dentist will be aware of other causes and remedies.

RS Halitosis most commonly

results from poor dental hygiene or inadequate dilute fluid intake, with excess coffee or concentrated juices replacing what we should drink. Get her GP or dentist to check out the former, but then communication of such an embarrassing message is the key. She may be unaware that you (and almost certainly others) are struggling with her bad breath, but tough love plucks up courage, goes for it and reaps the rewards.

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Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

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ADVICE

JONATHAN SHERWIN

Big Questions Truth Under Fire

n the 26th October, the Union Flag was lowered at Camp Bastion. The next day the last of the British troops left Helmand Province. Over the following days and weeks many newspaper articles, television documentaries, and pub conversations have been assessing the overall value of the British military campaign in Afghanistan. “What did we achieve?”, “Was it worth the cost?”, “Will our eﬀorts have a positive result on the country next year, in ﬁve years, in 20 years?” The British Defence Secretary, Michael Fallon, has said that some mistakes were made in our 13 years in Afghanistan but that many good achievements have also been made. The stories of tragedy, heroism, dismay, and hope have been coming to us for over a decade and soon it will be the job of historians to disseminate all of what we know and present the case for the success or failure of the overall mission. This won’t be an easy task but it is driven forward by a strong collective sense of a nation seeking to know the truth of a situation that is for many so far removed from their day to day lives, yet so frequently punctuating their evenings through news broadcasts. It’s because conflict is so costly that we won’t accept cheap answers. When lives are on the line suddenly quick‐fire, soundbite‐replies to the big questions don’t cut it. When casualties of war mount up there grows a vested concern that truth not be listed among the number lost.

It is right to probe, to strain, to strive for the truth in these situations. With knowledge comes understanding, and (we hope) wisdom for the future. War has a way of framing questions rather bluntly. It also reveals how casual we can become with the search for truth in other, less immediately affected areas of our life. Conflicts are violent and immediate, and the questions we ask surrounding them are marked in the same way. Yet our own lives also have huge questions that perhaps don’t strike us with the same urgency. What we live for, what rules we live by, what hope we look to ‐ these massive questions that religions seek to answer are treated rather shallowly. They’re not so “in our face” but surely they are of equal value to the questions that we ask of conflicts? Perhaps even more so? Yet instead of investigating, searching, and seeking to discover the truth for these big questions so often we are satisfied merely to find what works for us and leave the bloke next to us to find his own way too. We wouldn’t want to interfere too much in his life, and we certainly wouldn’t want to invite too much attention from him! In our pseudo‐civil attempts to restrict any meddling in our private affairs we end up demoting truth from her true authoritative position. If all we want is something that works for us then we answer the largest questions of life with simple pragmatism, disconnected from what may be true. Or another way of thinking about it is that, unhappy

“WHEN LIVES ARE ON THE LINE SUDDENLY QUICK-FIRE, SOUNDBITE-REPLIES TO THE BIG QUESTIONS DON’T CUT IT.” with the prospect of having to bend our lives to a superior truth, we decide to make ourselves the sole arbiter of what’s true for us. Can you imagine if we treated the Afghanistan conflict in the same way? If in the House of Commons instead of debate and counter‐point, each member were granted their own viewpoint regardless of its correspondence to the reality of the situation? This nation would deride the self‐serving views of our politicians swiftly and trust would be destroyed. Questions surrounding the things most valuable to us deserve the best answers. The struggle with the biggest questions of life is a noble quest and to shortcut the search by setting aside truth for personal preference risks a betrayal of the truth and an act of personal deception. n

Jonathan lives in Oxford where he runs Latimers, a place for people to challenge and investigate the Christian faith. He graduated from the Oxford Centre for Christian Apologetics and now works as an itinerant evangelist which involves co‐leading CVM’s Demolition Squad. Join the conversation online at www.jonathansherwin.net.

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ADVICE

JON COBB

Money

Be Prepared

’m having a tough time of it at the moment. My old man has cancer and he’s not going to be with us much longer. I’m 51 and I’ve never experienced bereavement before. Not someone so close, who’s been such a large part of all my life. I’m reeling. I ran the seven miles from his house to mine today, and I went through this cycle of crying then taking a deep breath and saying, “Suck it up Jon!” – but I’m struggling. It has got me thinking though. I’m sad, fragile, a little touchy with my wife and devastated for my mum, but at least I haven’t got the worry of ﬁnancial pressures or the potential of family arguments over intestacy. Guys, we really do need to make sure that our houses are in order in case the unforeseen should happen.

Firstly, there really is no reason not to get a will written. The Government has pandered to the lazy and just changed the laws of intestacy for marriage and civil partnerships so that there is a greater likelihood that your estate will go where you want (certainly it’s much easier if there are no kids involved) – but what we forget is the emotional fragility (which the bereaved are experiencing), so why add a layer of uncertainty and worry into the mix? Until now, I’d never really thought of that. You can even buy a “template will” in a certain newsagent/stationary/ bookstore which stocks this mag, but to avoid all doubt, its probably best to get a solicitor to draft it as you’ll get some good advice to boot. Of course, the other thing to

“GUYS, WE REALLY DO NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT OUR HOUSES ARE IN ORDER IN CASE THE UNFORESEEN SHOULD HAPPEN.”

consider is ensuring that there will be sufficient income and capital to provide for your dependents in the event of your demise. I know it’s boring, and you may get some through work, but life assurance is vital in this area. Have you ever sat down and considered if the money you will leave when you die (pension, savings, existing life assurance) meets your (and more importantly your dependents’) expectations? Will they be able to maintain their standard of living? It’s incredible how many times over the years I have heard people say, “I expect her to re‐marry” or “She’ll just have to get a job!” Many businesses offer their staff four times salary as a death benefit, and that can seem like a lot of money, but simply put, what is your dependent meant to do in year five? We insure our car, our house, our possessions and even our holidays, but we can forget to insure the most important asset we possess: ourselves! If you buy a life assurance policy (its called assurance rather than insurance because its protecting against a certainty), it is always important to get your adviser to have the policy written into trust. This means that it forms no part of your estate, and when claimed upon, it is completely separate from the complication of probate (and so can be received straight away). This brings me to the final point. Having everything planned and in order will make the process of probate being granted a lot easier. Again, I’m beginning to understand the emotional side of bereavement and I’m not sure I’d have the capacity to deal with other stresses such as any delays in sorting out the taxes due, unlocking of bank accounts, finding all the financial information needed to determine the size of the estate and all the paperwork that goes with it. It’s far better to sort it out sooner than later. I love my Dad. I’m going to miss him something awful. n

Jon Cobb runs ﬁnancial advisory business Trinity Wealth Management. He is a keen runner, ex‐white‐collar boxer, passionate Portsmouth supporter, speaker and writer. Check out Jon’s blog: cobbiescollectivecontemplations.blogspot.co.uk. @CobbyJon

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ADVICE

RICHARD HARDY

Family Keep Counting the Beans!

hen my daughter was three, she kept saying, “I want to be ﬁve!” When asked why, she would always reply, “Because I want to go to school”. When she actually got to school, rather than being satisﬁed, she started saying, “I want to be ten!” She never said why. I remember thinking don’t wish your childhood away it is all too short, and adulthood is extremely long. Often I hear “empty nesters” say: “Make the most of their childhood, savour each moment, it doesn’t last long.” It wasn’t that I didn’t believe them, but I did ignore them. Not because it made no sense, it was the simple fact that I didn’t have the time, or the energy to listen. It was all I could

do to lurch through the competing demands of each day, trying to be a better Dad than the day before. It all seemed at times interminably long and impossibly challenging. If I’m really honest, I have to admit there were times when I wasn’t handling things well. Times when I would do the very opposite of savouring the moment and simply wish the day they would leave home would arrive sooner! Now they have, and my nest is empty, I miss them. I have even caught myself saying: “Make the most of the time you have…” I remember a few years ago listening to Rob Parsons from Care for the Family say: “Imagine that each day of your kid’s childhood is like a bean in a jar. You start oﬀ with 6574. Sounds like a lot doesn’t it? Each day one bean is removed and at ﬁrst it doesn’t seem

“NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY ARE – MAKE EVERY BEAN COUNT!” to make much diﬀerence. Then all too quickly you arrive at the last years of childhood and there are just a few in the bottom of the jar. You catch yourself saying, how did that happen? No matter how much you might wish it, the jar is almost empty now. No matter how old they are – make every bean count!” I thought about that a lot over the next few years and began unconsciously counting down and something changed inside. It gave me a sense of urgency and desire to make good memories, to invest more fully in them, their formation and their future. However, that’s not all I learnt from Rob’s quote and my daughters constant desire to be older for time to go faster. I also realised where she had got it from – me! You see I too am never satisﬁed with now. I live life constantly on the front foot, always leaning into the future. I don’t care to look back; I’m too busy pressing on, always looking towards the next thing. This is a strength, but also a weakness. Why? Because it means I never enjoy the now. When I arrive at the goal I set myself I don’t take any time to stop and celebrate. I’m too busy thinking, “Right, what’s next?” Rob’s words made me realise two further things:

Attitudes are caught more than they are taught.

Whilst some of my daughters drive was to do with who she was. I do recognise that some of it was due to the atmosphere I had created.

There’s another jar and it has my name on it.

For me, and the beans are running out!

So Carpe Diem – Seize the Day; look back occasionally; laugh often and “walk on with hope in your heart”. But, remember now is all you are guaranteed so invest each bean, yours and theirs, in that which matters most – each other. n

Richard Hardy is a Baptist minister and director of the Entheos Trust, which encourages leaders and enables churches to engage with their communities. Richard has spoken on community engagement, marriage and parenting at many national conferences. He has also written extensively on community and family issues (www.theentheostrust.org).

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OPINION

SAM GIBB

Faith

Photo by Richard Heathcote/Getty Images

The Game is Won “IF GENESIS COULD BE DESCRIBED AS THE LIVERPOOL OF THE BIBLICAL PREMIER LEAGUE… THEN LEVITICUS WOULD BE STOKE CITY (BORING, REPETITIVE AND THERE JUST DOESN’T SEEM TO BE A GOAL).”

he Bible is full of great stories, epic battles, wise words, stunning poetry and perfectly‐ planned rescue missions. Then there’s Leviticus. If Genesis could be described as the Liverpool of the Biblical Premier League (pretty decent since the beginning but let down by the main man’s fall) and Exodus as last season’s Crystal Palace (pretty shifty from day one but somehow able to escape in the last minute), then Leviticus would be Stoke City (boring, repetitive and there just doesn’t seem to be a goal). I mean take, for example, the first seven chapters: 4,671 words all about temple sacrifices and burnt offerings. You’d think Moses could have stuck to his word count or at least hired a decent editor. It’s a good job the old stutterer had Aaron to speak for him or the Israelites may never have got out the desert. Yet in the midst of all those laws there surely must be something going on – this is God’s Word after all. Of course, God’s people are

supposed to be holy, set apart, different, even perfect. Why? Because the LORD, their God is holy – He is perfect. That’s what any good Sunday school teacher will tell you Leviticus is about, and they’d be right. But I wonder if there might be something else, something that stops me feeling bad about drifting off during the fifteenth paragraph on seasoning grain offerings with salt. Here’s the thing: in one sense we are supposed to be bored when we come to Leviticus. It’s the most appropriate response. Bored with all the tedious sacrificial laws yes, but more importantly, bored with Israel’s incessant sin… it just goes on and on. Why are the sacrificial laws so repetitive? Because the sin of God’s people is so repetitive. And the scary reality is that the ongoing animal sacrifice would never be enough; it could never be enough. If something drastic hadn’t changed, we’d still be doing it now. We could be spending our whole lives burning salty grain, eating spotless lamb shank (or lamb kebab without defect) and removing the fat from the kidneys of an ox –

“WHY ARE THE SACRIFICIAL LAWS SO REPETITIVE? BECAUSE THE SIN OF GOD’S PEOPLE IS SO REPETITIVE.”

yet still never come close to being holy. It was only ever temporary until Jesus, the permanent Passover Lamb, provided the ultimate sacrifice, the once‐sufficient sacrifice which means we can read Leviticus and let out a loud sigh of relief as we realise that the price has been paid, the super‐sub is on and the game is won. Romans (our Biblical Premier League’s Man City; numbers 1‐9 are fast paced and top quality, 10‐15 just keep getting better and number 16 finishes perfectly) summarises this flawlessly for us: “God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement through the shedding of his blood.” Job done. So grab your pillow, open up the Bible and turn to that gloriously dull third book, breathe in the God‐ ordained words and praise him that, because of Jesus’ atoning sacrifice, you only have to read the words and not perform them. n Sam Gibb is a Midlands born, London based, twenty‐something married to a Yorkshire lass. His passion is to present the Good News about Jesus in a way that makes sense to blokes. His heroes are the apostle Paul, Alan Shearer and Garﬁeld, though not necessarily in that order. You can follow him on twitter on @samggibb @samggibb

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OPINION http://davidalton.net/

LYNDON BOWRING

Politics Servant Leaders

od only knows who will be leading the country after the general election! Will Cameron pull off a Tory victory? Or is it to be a Miliband‐led Labour government for the next five years? Could it be another Tory/Lib Dem coalition or a new Labour/Lib Dem one? What will happen with Clegg and the Lib Dems? Or will the unpredictable Farage upset the applecart by attracting protest voters from the other three? Whatever happens, the MPs voted into Parliament in May will face many difficulties and demands. Politicians are often accused of not wholeheartedly serving those they represent, yet I know many who take their role extremely seriously and work incredibly hard for the good of society. One outstanding example is David Alton, a devout Christian man whom I respect very highly. He has been a courageous campaigner for the rights of the unborn from his earliest days as a Liberal MP and now as a crossbench Peer in the House of Lords. CARE has had the privilege of working closely with David over the years. In 1988, when he brought forward a Private Members Bill to reduce the

legal limit for abortion from 28 weeks to 18 weeks, we hosted a major rally in the Royal Albert Hall and encouraged people all over the country to contact their MPs. We were optimistic – a large Commons majority backed his Bill but because the government were not in support, it was talked out. A few years later the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act did seek to cut the legal limit for abortion down to 24 weeks, but at the last minute this success was completely eclipsed: Health Secretary, Ken Clarke introduced a surprise amendment to allow abortion right up to birth in cases of extreme foetal abnormality! What did this say to disabled people? That if a problem was detected in time their lives could be blotted out? My colleague Charlie Colchester and I sat in the House of Commons dining room with David Alton a week later, wondering what we could do to prevent such defeats in the future. “Until you change the membership of this House,” David remarked, looking at the many MPs in the room with us, “this kind of thing will happen again and again.” He meant that we needed more Christians and others of integrity and goodwill serving in Parliament.

“WE NEEDED MORE CHRISTIANS AND OTHERS OF INTEGRITY AND GOODWILL SERVING IN PARLIAMENT.”

And of course this need for servant‐ hearted leadership is needed throughout our society, to make a Christian difference. When Charlie and I returned to our offices that day we had an idea. Why couldn’t CARE be part of the answer? And that’s how our Leadership Programme was born! Not long after, the first two graduates began the year‐long programme and now about 260 Christian men and women have successfully completed this unique opportunity to learn more of applying faith to the world of work. For four days each week they are placed with an MP – or an MEP or Member of the Scottish Parliament – in a Third Sector organisation and occasionally within the media. On Fridays they come to CARE’s offices and have a stimulating day of lectures, discussion, Bible study, prayer and fellowship. So where are alumni of the Leadership Programme now? Well, two are MPs – one of whom recently became Secretary of State for Wales! There are people in the Foreign Office, the Treasury and other civil service departments. One is an Ambassador. Scores are working as researchers and advisers to politicians – a few actually placed in Number 10! Some are employed in TV, radio and other media organisations. Many are working in churches, in relief and development agencies, in education and social action. I saw David Alton recently and reminded him of all his comment had led to. A quintessential servant‐ leader himself, he smiled, and quietly said something that reflected any credit to God’s grace and kindness towards us all. n

Lyndon Bowring was born in Wales and studied at London Bible College. He is an associate minister at Kensington Temple, and has been executive chairman of CARE for more than 25 years. His hobbies include watching rugby, exploring London’s restaurants and developing friendships. He lives in London with his wife Celia, and they have three children.

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OPINION

LEE AND BAZ

Cut to the Chase Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover BY BAZ GASCOYNE

t is interesting how creative publishers are in how their books’ look and feel to the potential buyer. Colours and embossed words are there to make a would‐ be purchaser attracted to it, pick up the book and buy it. It was George Elliot who said: “Don’t judge a book by its cover” (meaning that you cannot judge the quality or character of someone by their outward appearance). A few months ago, I learnt again how judgemental I can be. At a rugby game I witnessed one of the opposing team constantly punching our players in the ribs or head every time he made a tackle without being detected by the referee. The crowd (including myself) became more and more frustrated by this. Eventually I made the decision that at the end of the game I would have a word with this player and let him know I thought he was totally out of order. Before I went to speak to him I thought I would check if this player had a twitter account. I did find his account and his latest tweet read: “Sorry Granddad we didn’t win for you today, RIP.” Ouch! Plank Eye. I felt terrible about how I was getting angry and judging this young man because of his behaviour when all the time he was struggling with the death of a loved one that was affecting his performance. A week or so later I was watching a football match in which the opposing manager was boisterous and winding up the home fans by his behaviour. Hundreds of fans were getting heated by his actions. Fortunately, the home team were winning with seconds left to play.

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“HOW WOULD YOUR LIFE BE DIFFERENT IF YOU STOPPED MAKING NEGATIVE JUDGEMENTAL ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ENCOUNTER?” Then with the last kick of the game the away team scored and their manager ran alongside the pitch facing the home fans swearing and giving them a two‐finger message. I could feel myself getting angry towards his unprofessionalism. “He needs a talking to,” I thought to myself and planned to say something at the end of the game. Whilst I was outside the changing rooms guess who came and stood beside me? Before I could say anything he turned to me saying, “I’m not proud how I behaved out there today, however no one deserves to have to face the verbal abuse I did today constantly for 90 minutes. If that had happened in the street the culprit would have been arrested but even though people heard what was being shouted to me, about me and my family, no one did anything.” Ouch! Plank Eye again. Once more I had read a situation totally wrong. I had made a judgement about someone

without knowing what was really going on in their own lives and surroundings. So why do you judge? I can’t answer that. Why do I judge? Probably because I am arrogant, insecure and think I know best. “When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself” (Earl Nightingale). A wise man once said: “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your neighbour’s eye.” “How would your life be different if you stopped making negative judgemental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day you look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey” (Steve Maraboli). I’m not excusing the behaviour in the two examples above, but I am saying there’s always a story. Let’s seek to understand before we jump in to judge. n

Baz lives in Sheffield and loves comedy, painting and trying to play golf. His wife Linda and he have led a Church for 18 years . He is also a Sports Chaplain for Sheffield Eagles Rugby League Club & Sheffield Wednesday FC.

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SPORT

Read All About It A couple of must read sport autobiographies! KP, The Autobiography Kevin Pietersen London, Sphere, 2014, ISBN 978‐0‐7515‐5754‐1, £20

evin Pietersen is the most talented England cricketer of his generation. In 104 test matches he has scored over 8,000 runs – one of only six England players ever to reach that milestone. He has scored 23 centuries, so England have decided not to pick him anymore! In February 2014, the ECB announced that Pietersen would play no future role in international cricket. Their statement said: “The England team needs to rebuild after the whitewash in Australia. To do that we must invest in our captain Alastair Cook and we

must support him in creating a culture in which we can be confident he will have the full support of all players, with everyone pulling in the same direction and able to trust each other. It is for those reasons that we have decided to move on without Kevin Pietersen.” While there was no direct criticism of KP in the ECB utterances, the reference to “support” and “trust” was widely seen as pointing the finger at Pietersen. Part of the problem in understanding what actually happened is, as BBC cricket correspondent put it, that “England players have said various things off the record about Pietersen and his behaviour, but when a camera or dictaphone is put in front of them they will tell you what a great lad he is”. This book is not an objective history of English cricket. It is KP’s story; KP’s spin on events. One of Pietersen’s main assertions is that there was a culture of bullying around the

team, for example bowlers’ aggression towards fielders who misfield or drop a catch. The book describes a team meeting when captain and coach said that this must stop and… “Swann and Broad both disagreed with what Flower and Strauss had been saying. They argued that fielders should apologise to the bowlers if they’ve made a mistake. They felt that bowlers were well within their rights to be angry and aggressive towards the fielders”. The truth of Pietersen’s position is supported by evidence of the bowlers’ aggression being picked up on effects mics, out in the middle.

“HE HAD THE INCLINATION FOR CONTROL, BUT HE DIDN’T HAVE THE PERSONALITY FOR INFLUENCE OR EMPATHY SO HE LET THE DRESSING ROOM DECLINE.” It would be fair to say that coach, Andy Flower and KP did not really see eye to eye. Pietersen’s assessment of the disastrous Ashes series is this: “Tell me this, Andy Flower: how does a good coach bring a team to the Ashes and things just get worse and worse? How does a decent coach have a player so beaten down in the first Test that he goes home? How do you have someone else retiring from the sport after the third Test? Finally, how can you have a kid [Steven Finn] who, six months before that, was among the world’s top bowlers suddenly be told in public that he is ‘not selectable’? “He [Andy Flower] had the inclination for control, but he didn’t have the personality for influence or empathy so he let the dressing room decline.” Incidentally Pietersen refers to Andy Flower as the “Mood Hoover”, because of his ability to hoover up any fun or positivity in the dressing room. Former England captain, Mike Atherton, writing in the Times November 6th, is clearly unconvinced by Pietersen’s account. “There are two simple interpretations of England’s meltdown in Australia. The first, intimated by Pietersen’s sacking and his subsequent 300‐page howl, is that the ‘culture’ was rotten. The second, favoured by me, is that England’s batsmen could not play Mitchell Johnson’s thunderbolts. Good ‘culture’ is vital, but [England captain Alistair] Cook concedes, it cannot always insulate you against the bad times.” The book is an easy read, well‐ written, and funny in places. Where the truth lies about what happened in the England dressing room remains known only to those who were present. f

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SPORT

Blink

My Autobiography Rio Ferdinand Blink, 2014, ISBN 978‐1‐905825‐91‐2

hat an excellent book. Well above average for sports autobiographies. Instead of the tedious, “We beat Arsenal, drew at Sunderland and then travel to Tottenham…” Rio Ferdinand addresses issues and is never afraid to express an opinion. Setting up his own Foundation reveals a man who has not forgotten his humble origins and who wants to put something back. Here are a few examples: Racism: Where he writes well of his experience of dealing with racism throughout his life, he explains his issues with “Kick It Out” and “Show Racism The Red Card” campaigns. His account of the incident with John Terry and his brother Anton is excellent – with Rio suggesting how the issue could have been settled fairly easily. And his view that,

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“The FA was confused and indecisive”. Twitter: How he uses it to interact with fans in a way that was impossible for the days before social media. Ironically at the time I write this review he has been banned by the FA for an offensive tweet. England: His frustration with England’s underachieving is strongly expressed. “We’ve had eight managers since Glenn Hoddle and there’s still an air of being unfulfilled. The sad fact is that we’re even further away now from achieving anything than when I first went to a World Cup 16 years ago.” And, “Something is fundamentally wrong in our national game. If it isn’t fixed. We’ll be also‐rans forever… We’re producing good players. But what’s the point if no one knows how they can be fitted into the national team in a coherent way?” His evaluation of the various England managers is also fascinating. “By far the best was Glenn Hoddle.” He also tells the story of how under the Capello regime the England players were getting McDonalds and Nandos delivered through the back door! He is critical of players who seem more concerned with the money than with their own performance. From watching Ray Wilkins playing – and warming up – for QPR, to playing under Glenn Hoddle and his various club managers, the theme of learning and becoming a better player seems always to be on his mind. His analysis of why David Moyes failed at Manchester United will be of great interest to MU fans. To sum up the chapter in two sentences: “You can see the difference between the confusing Moyes approach and the

Blink

absolute clarity Louis van Gaal brought… Moyes set us up not to lose; whereas we’d been accustomed to playing to win every game.” There are also insights into the players he really admires: “Paul Scholes was quite simply the best player who played for Man United.” “James Rodriguez is going to be the best player in the world within two or three years.” On Wayne Rooney: “I felt he needed that little bit of devilment in his game. I said to him: I’d rather see you get sent off once or twice and play the way I know you can play.’” Lionel Messi: “What was the best way to deal with Messi? He played from deep but if I went chasing him, I’d leave a hole for their midfielders and wingers to exploit. Should I stay or should I go? I never knew. Gaps opened and Messi exploited the space between our lines”. “Watching Italy’s Andrea Pirlo taking England apart [in Euro 2012] with a passing master class in the quarter final, the thought occurred to me that if he’d been English, Hodgson and other England bosses might never even have picked him”. Like I said, well above average!

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SPORT

A Family Aﬀair John Harbaugh talks about competing against his brother in the Super Bowl.

in the name of Jesus’ and then we all led into ‘Our Father’, and said the Lord’s Prayer. It was just a powerful moment. A humbling, powerful moment.” Coaches always say that you just focus on the game and forget all the external stuﬀ. On this occasion John admits that the thought of sharing a Super Bowl experience with his brother increased his motivation. “When I knew that the 49ers and Jim were going to be in the Super Bowl my ﬁrst thought was, ‘Oh boy, we have got to get there. I can’t let him go there by himself. That isn’t going to work.’”

Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

“MEETING JIM IN THE MIDDLE WAS PROBABLY THE MOST DIFFICULT THING I HAVE EVER BEEN ASSOCIATED WITH IN MY LIFE.”

BY STUART WEIR

hen John Harbaugh, head coach of the Baltimore Ravens, led his team to the Super Bowl XLVII in February 2013* to play the San Francisco 49ers, he could not have been more delighted. What added to the intrigue was that the 49ers’ head coach was Jim Harbaugh – John’s brother! To complete the family picture their father Jack had played professional football and had spent his life coaching college football. In 2013, Baltimore played in the second of the play‐offs (semi‐finals to you and me) so they already knew that the winners would play the 49ers. To intensify the pressure, Baltimore had lost the playoff to the New England Patriots the previous year. John Harbaugh recalls: “Here we were with a lot of hard days and a lot of hard work behind us, one year later touching down in Providence to be back in the AFC play‐off again to play the same team in the same stadium. It seemed like yesterday when we had left with the loss. It was such a meaningful and momentous moment”. This time the Ravens triumphed 28‐13.

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The winners of the AFC Championship Game receive the Lamar Hunt trophy, named after the founder of the AFL. The Ravens marked their victory in a special and unusual way, as John describes: “Craig Ver Steeg, one of the oﬀence coaches whom I’ve known for a long time, is a great spiritual leader. He had been given the thought that we should cast the crown at the feet of Jesus our Lord. That had to happen because of the way the programme had been built. He knew that was where it had to go if we got the Lamar Hunt trophy. He mentioned it to me a week or two before and I just said, ‘We have to do it and you have to do it’. He said, ‘John, maybe you should do it’. I said, ‘No, you have to do it. It is clear. You have to do it’. “We spoke to some senior players. And they all said ‘absolutely’. So when the whole thing had calmed down after the game – and we always do a team prayer, the Our Father. It is the ﬁrst thing we do. But this time it was after the whole celebration. And we said, ‘We have got to get together and do the prayer and give glory and praise where it belongs’. All the guys got a knee and grabbed hands. Craig took the trophy and said very straightforward something along these lines, ‘The glory is yours, Lord and we cast this crown at your feet

Inevitably the “brothers” aspect was a major media story. A week before the game, the parents – Jack and Jackie – did a media conference call, answering questions about John and Jim. Jackie jokingly asked if the game could end in a tie, before stating that the family was staying neutral but remain excited that both John and Jim brought their respective teams to the Super Bowl. Then on the Friday before the game the two coaches conducted a joint press conference because of the unique circumstances. A few days before the big day, Jim was quoted as saying that he believed that his brother John was the better coach of the two. John responded: “I don’t believe for one second that he thinks that.” He paid tribute to what Jim had achieved as a coach, adding: “This is maybe the first time I’ll admit it and the last time I’ll admit it! I just think it’s amazing what he has done.” John acknowledges that it is not easy for their parents: “I think it is great for mom and dad until the game starts then it’s really hard until the game ends; then it is okay again when they want to help the guy who has lost. That’s how they see their place after the game. But it is amazing. It is wonderful. It is all good. How do you describe it? And they feel that way. Our instructions to them are: ‘Enjoy it! Enjoy every second of it, as much as you can’. The game will be tough, there will be a winner and a loser and after that we will move on.” As far as the game is concerned, Baltimore got off to a great start leading 21‐6 at half‐time. After Beyoncé entertained the crowd at half‐ time, Baltimore stretched the lead to 28‐6. Then the lights went out! Due to an electrical fault, the game was delayed by 34 minutes in the third quarter. After the re‐start San Francisco scored 17 unanswered points to make it 28‐23. In the final quarter, San Francisco cut the deficit to two points at 29‐31 before the Baltimore Ravens sealed their victory 34‐31. After the game John Harbaugh said: “It was just a great football game. The way the game played out when it was 28‐6 and lights went out, whatever happened I just knew that with Jim on the other side that game was going to

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Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

SPORT be a dog‐fight right to the end. Meeting Jim in the middle was probably the most difficult thing I have ever been associated with in my life. I am proud of him. It was a great joy but it was also the most difficult thing in the world to know he is over there. I think anybody out there who has a brother can understand. I believe in him, I have so much respect for him. I admire him. I look up to him in so many ways and I am hurting for him in that sense.” One of the challenges for a coach is dealing with the pressure to succeed, somehow keeping calm in the midst of the game‐day chaos. As a Christian, John is clear about the importance of his relationship with Jesus Christ. He talks of experiencing the peace that passes all understanding, a reference to Philippians 4:7: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” He adds: “When you’re in those situations you walk off the field in the way we did and you feel a peace that passes all understanding and you know it’s no part of anything you have done. And you can’t take credit for it because you don’t know where it’s coming from, but actually you do know where it is coming from. This is miraculous and it’s a change. It’s happened in my life that I really can’t account for but that’s been done by God and that’s it. End of story. All you can do is be thankful and for me that is what grace is. All you can do is be thankful for it. “As a team we have been terribly directed towards our faith and our spirituality – our

Christian faith. We have a number of veteran players who are incredible leaders and are mentoring the young guys. Our team chaplain, Rod Harrison, does a tremendous job. But it has just happened. It has blossomed and bloomed and to me that’s where our strength comes from through a lot of adversity.” John was photographed after the Super Bowl with his wife and daughter. That was no accident. “It embodies what I care about – my wife Ingrid and daughter Alison. We believe in family and family as a cornerstone. It is what makes our lives. Our society is built on family and our lives are built on family. The ones we have been entrusted with. We have been put together for a reason. That is what fulfils us: our relationship with our Creator and our relationship the people He’s put in our lives. But to stand there with my arm round Alison and share that moment and talk about it so that we would have that shared together for the rest of our lives to push us together in a shared experience.” John Harbaugh comes across as a fiercely competitive coach at the height of his profession. At the same time he is someone with his feet firmly on the ground. Family and human relationships are important to him. His faith in Jesus Christ is lived out in a practical way. n Article based on an interview given to Athletes in Action, used with permission. *While the game took place in early 2013, the 2013 Super Bowl actually determines who are the NFL champions of 2012!

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SPORT

Super Bowl XLIX The ultimate guide by Stuart Weir.

he 2015 Super Bowl takes place on Sunday 1st February at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale Arizona. The first Super Bowl took place in 1967 when Green Bay Packers beat Kansas City Chiefs 35‐10 – although the name Super Bowl was not used until a few years later. Super Bowls, for some reason, are always referred to by the number expressed in Roman numerals. As 2015 is its 49th year, it is known as Super Bowl XLIX. The Super Bowl is the championship game or final play‐off game, the culmination of the season that started in summer 2014. The winners receive the Vince Lombardi trophy, named after the legendary coach who led the Green Bay Packers to victory in the first two Super Bowls.

FORMAT For those of us used to the Barclays Premier League where each team plays home and away against every other team in the league, the NFL’s fixtures seem bizarre in the extreme. There are 16 teams in each conference, divided into four sections called East, West, North and South. Each team plays 16 games against 13 (of the 15) other teams in their conference. The formula: Every team plays 16 games as follows… Home and away against its three division opponents (six games). The four teams from another division within

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The game was originally called the AFL–NFL World Championship Game with the champion team from each of the two leagues playing oﬀ. In 1970, the Nation Football League and the American Football League merged. Now the two former leagues are called the America Football Conference (AFC) and National Football Conference (NFC). Incidentally, don’t you just love the way Americans use the term World Championship and World Series in baseball when they mean “North American Championship”? The phrase “World Champion” is still engraved on the Super Bowl rings that the winning players receive. And while we are on that subject, why call a game in which you throw the ball “football” and a game in which you kick the ball “soccer”?

its conference on a rotating three-year cycle (four games). The four teams from a division in the other conference on a rotating four-year cycle (four games). Two intra-conference games based on the prior year’s standings (two games). These games match a first-place team against the first-place teams in the two sameconference divisions which the team is not scheduled to play that season. The secondplace, third-place, and fourth-place teams in a conference are matched in the same way each year. http://nfllabor.files.wordpress.com

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Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

SPORT A unique aspect of the razzmatazz of the Super Bowl is the number of popular singers and musicians including Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Prince, The Rolling Stones, The Who, and Whitney Houston, who have performed during the event’s pre‐game and halftime ceremonies. Another more bizarre part of the event is the TV adverts during the game. With its stop‐ start format, making a 60‐minute game last three hours, American football is made for advertising. A US audience of over 110 million make commercial airtime during the Super Bowl broadcast the most expensive of the year. Google “Super Bowl commercials” and you will find several sites with the best of last year’s adverts – featuring David Beckham and Bob Dylan to name but two celebs. While the NFL typically claims that the Super Bowl has a potential worldwide audience of around one billion people in over 200 countries, that refers to the number of people able to watch the game, not the number of people actually watching. The New York‐based media research firm “Initiative” have figures that suggest 98 percent of TV viewers are in North America.

SUPER BOWL TRIVIA

I Don’t Understand If you don’t know your quarter-back from your linebacker… If you don’t know the difference between a safety, a field goal, a one point conversion and a two point conversion… If you think a offensive player should be sent off for being rude… If you confuse a fumble with a turnover… If you wonder why there is not a first Up when there is first Down… You will find all the answers at: http://www.pigskinacademy.com/ Football_101.html Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images

The Pittsburgh Steelers have won the Super Bowl six times. The San Francisco 49ers and the Dallas Cowboys have won it five times.

Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

To reach the Super Bowl a team ﬁrst plays 16 games in the AFC or NFC with the best 12 progressing to three round of play‐oﬀs to determine which two teams will contest the Super Bowl. The 16 teams in each conference are divided into four sections (North, South, East and West) with the top team in each section, plus the two other teams in each conference with the best record, progressing. n

27 of first 48 Super Bowls have been played in three cities: New Orleans (ten times), the Greater Miami area (ten times), and the Greater Los Angeles area (seven times). The Tampa Bay Buccaneers lost the first 26 NFL regular season games they played, not winning their first game until near the end of their second season in the league. The Arizona Cardinals are owned by the Bidwell family who have owned the team since 1932. When the Chicago Bears franchise was founded, their original name was the Decatur Staleys. When the Miami Dolphins won the 1972 Super Bowl it was their 17th straight win in an unbeaten season.

Stuart Weir is passionate about Jesus Christ and about sport, and he spends his life trying to help people make the connection. He has written several books about sport and Christianity and has worked as a sports writer at Olympic, Paralympic and World Championship events. He has been to three football World Cups and was Togo’s Olympic attaché at the 2012 Olympics. Married to Lynne, he has two grown‐up children. He is a member of Kidlington Baptist Church and Frilford Heath Golf Club. @stuartweir

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HEALTH & FITNESS

FITNESS With Phil Baines

How Great is your Desire?

hat are your plans for 2015? In fitness terms, I mean. Weight loss? That is very common after the Christmas food‐ and‐drink binge. To run your first marathon, cycle your first race, triathlon, build up or tone up your muscles? Whatever your goal, the most important part is your mind! You have got to want it. In order to get started you have to want it. To maintain the programme, you have to want to. To get up on the cold wet mornings to run or go to the gym, you have to want it. I do quite a few group fitness sessions and the difference with people coming or not coming is often a mental thing, rather than a physical. People will begin to find excuses and as soon as we do that, it becomes much more difficult. The dropout rate is always quite high; and it’s often the mind that causes this. Conversely, I have some groups who have a fixed goal or challenge and are so determined to achieve this that they work really hard and are happy to be pushed a little more each week. So firstly I would recommend that you have some kind of challenge or goal in mind – something that can keep you going when things get tough or injury strikes. Choose something that is within your range but will be tough to achieve. You may be able to run a marathon and 106 Sorted. Jan/Feb 2015

if you can great, but your challenge may be something totally diﬀerent. For example, you may be ill or have had surgery and for you walking to the end of the road and back is a challenge in itself. Make this your goal and realise that for you this is a marathon. Before you achieve your goal ask yourself this question – what’s next? What can you aim for once you have reached this particular challenge? It may be just to go to the end of the next street or to walk there a bit faster, or it may be to run that half marathon a bit quicker. Your challenge is your challenge, and no‐ one’s is bigger or better.

Christmas is such a special time of year for us all, although I know it can be painful if you have lost someone. The only problem with it being so special is it can make going back to work that much more difficult. Setting a goal or challenge can be a real help. Mentally it can give a real focus as you work your way back into 2015. Lastly, the very act of exercising is good for mental wellbeing. It gets endorphins flowing that not only benefit us physically, but also help our moods. So have a Happy New year, get your mind in gear, challenge yourself and get started. Enjoy! n

“BEFORE YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION – WHAT’S NEXT?”

Phil Baines is passionate about ﬁtness and sport. He recently began a venture called Fit 4 The Challenge (www.f4tc.co.uk), which oﬀers a range of physical challenges for diverse abilities. Phil organises each challenge and trains individuals and teams to complete them, either for charity or for personal achievement or both. Phil is married with two teenage sons.

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HEALTH & FITNESS

HEALTHY COOKING With Chef Mike Darracott

Broccoli and Stilton Soup Serves 4 people

INGREDIENTS 1 tsp of diced chives 1 tbsp butter 1 medium onion chopped finely 2 tbsp olive oil 180g broccoli florets chopped finely 1 garlic clove chopped finely 1 medium egg yolk 2 pinch cayenne pepper 160ml hot water mixed with two chicken stock cubes 4 tbsp double cream 70g Stilton cheese Salt and pepper to taste

METHOD 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Melt your oil in a saucepan and then add the garlic, onions and chives and cook until soft for about three minutes. Now add the cayenne pepper, egg yolk and broccoli and cook for a further three minutes. Pour in your stock. Leave to simmer for five more minutes, and then mix in the cream. Now pour the soup into a food processor and blend until smooth. If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a processor you can use a potato masher. Add salt and pepper to taste and then give it a final blend. Serve in four bowls and crumble the Stilton over each one. Serve with sliced bread or crusty bread rolls.

Michael J Darracott has been an executive chef at various large establishments. He has cooked for more than 200 people at a time, including a number of celebrities, and has published several books. For more information, visit www.chefmikedarracott.com.

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HUMOUR

PAUL KERENSA

Kneel-Down Stand-Up “GREAT-GREATGRANDDAD SPENT FAR TOO LONG WATCHING TIDDLES PLAYING CHOPSTICKS.”

Online Proﬁle

hat’s your resolution this year? Mine’s 800 x 600. Last New Year it was 640 x 480, so it’s a definite improvement. Whether you’ve got high resolutions or low res, this time of year is thought a time of doing new things. Embrace the new, not the old. Last New Year I took up a new pastime that does embrace the old. I thought I’d try something different online, and bored of watching videos of cats playing the piano (as if that can ever be boring), I

subscribed to one of those family tree websites. How hard can it be to reach royalty? A generation or two and I’ll find that I’m twelfth in line to the throne, surely. Once you start, genealogy can get addictive. You start at your basic level granny and granddad, and before you know it you’ve discovered the strong stuff: a great‐great‐aunt from Newcastle, a third cousin twice removed in Canada, maybe even an ancestor who might have sold Charles II an outside latrine. I quickly found I had distant links to exotic lands like Japan, Jersey and Somerset. No royalty, mind – not

“GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-UNCLE PAUL POSTED ON FACEBOOK THAT HE’D EATEN BAKED BEANS FOR DINNER.”

even a whiff of a lordship. So, expectations narrowed, you soon find that it’s not news of a crown‐ wearing relative that intrigues you, but news that your great‐great‐ grandfather’s on the 1901 census as a hatter living in Clapham. With such sparse information available, these little online nuggets help piece some heritage together. Back in 1901, they probably wondered why they had to fill in these surveys every ten years. Now, it’s all we have to piece together who our forefathers were. But maybe the charm is in the paucity of information. Too much, and it’s... well, too much. Because what will genealogists of the future find? That’s a scary thought. In a century’s time, if our great‐great‐grandchildren ferret around online, they won’t find such limited info as “registered on 1891 census as a spinster seamstress from Hull”. Our descendants will be awash in needless web data from our generation. If they research us – their ancestors – they’ll discover far too much. “Look mum!” they’ll say. “Back on the 3rd December 2015, great‐great‐ great‐uncle Paul posted on Facebook that he’d eaten baked beans for dinner. And then he ‘instagrammed’ a ‘selfie’ of the beans, then ‘tweeted’ at hashtag #beansfortea.” “I don’t believe a word of it, Paul Junior,” his mum (my great‐great‐ niece) will say. “Next you’ll be saying he poured a bucket of ice over his head. And as for that ‘YouTube history’ you hacked into – no one can watch that many videos of cats supposedly playing the piano.” Careful what you do online... God’s watching, and your descendants will be too. While they’ll want their ancestors to be royalty, they’ll be quite happy with something as quaint as a hatter from Clapham. But they won’t want to know that great‐great‐granddad spent far too long watching Tiddles playing chopsticks. n

Paul Kerensa is an award‐winning stand‐up comic and author of the book So a Comedian Walks Into a Church. He co‐won a British Comedy Award for writing on the BBC’s Miranda, and the Royal Television Society (RTS) Award for Not Going Out, as well as working on other shows that history has thankfully forgotten. Visit www.paulkerensa.com to find out more. @paulkerensa

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HUMOUR

TONY VINO

In Vino Veritas “BARRY PULLS OUT FROM THE AMPLE CLEAVAGE EXCLAIMING, “IT’S ONLY AN INGROWN TOENAIL!”

A Case for Mindfulness

y wife believes the inability to notice what blatantly “needs to be done” around the house and my general forgetfulness are due to a lack of “mindfulness”. I’m not alert enough to realise items left on the bottom step need taking upstairs and too distracted to remember Monday night the bins go out. I brush it off with statements like “I’m more of a big picture kind of guy”. Sometimes life gifts us moments to prick our self‐ preservation bubble. Mine came recently on the last day of a year long leadership course. Thirty of us gathered for the final time Saturday morning at a conference centre in Leeds. We suffered a hiccup two‐ thirds into the year as our beloved course leader Helen quit her job to take a senior management position at Pirelli Tyres – we all felt very let down. Her replacement, let’s call her Janice (because that’s her name),

was instantly disliked by all. My favourite participant was Barry, a business consultant who DJs at weekends (though strictly off the record). He rang me the night before saying his dad was in hospital and he may not be able to make the meeting – please could I tell Janice. At the registration desk was www.nofriendsreunited.com Janice. I (momentarily distracted by the sight of blueberry muffins) said in passing: “Barry can’t make it today, his dad has died”. Due to a lack of mindfulness I had severely misdiagnosed Barry’s dad’s condition. In my defence, the muffins did look particularly moist. Janice opened the session with a grand announcement. “Good morning everyone, I thought you should all know Barry will not be coming today because his father has sadly died”. “Ooops” I thought as Janice moved on with the morning’s teaching. I wrestled internally with how best to rectify the situation: make an announcement or quietly

“I (MOMENTARILY DISTRACTED BY THE SIGHT OF BLUEBERRY MUFFINS) SAID IN PASSING:“BARRY CAN’T MAKE IT TODAY, HIS DAD HAS DIED”.”

explain my mistake to Janice in the break? After 30 minutes of indecision Barry walked into the room. “Ooops”, I thought again. Everyone looks at him putting on their best condolence faces. As he sits down Rachel (mid‐ level RBS executive) squeezes his hand earnestly. Barry looks confused. During the break a stream of people approach him saying “sorry to hear about your dad”. Barry thanks each one in turn looking increasingly more perplexed. I sit paralysed with mounting horror as the situation unfolds. Eventually Barry breaks as Miranda (semi‐retired headteacher) forces his head into her heaving bosom and cries, “Your poor father”. Barry pulls out from the ample cleavage exclaiming, “It’s only an ingrown toenail!” Sympathy for Barry turns into fury towards Janice for her outrageous statement. A middle‐ class vigilante mob assembles as people discuss how they are going to sternly confront Janice for her gross insensitivity once she’s back from the toilet. Barry in a moment of realisation looks over at me quizzically. In the distance a cock crows and I, with head held low, do the walk of shame around the room explaining to everyone how I mindlessly relayed the wrong information. The situation dissolves, as does my group status. I sneak off to the toilet furiously clicking my heels together in a vain hope to be transported home. I return at the end of the break looking to comfort myself at the refreshments table only to discover the only treats left are stale Hobnobs. I look over at Janice, who is biting into the last blueberry muffin blissfully unaware of the near lynching. Lesson learnt, the following Monday the bins go out fine. n

Tony Vino is a professional comedian who straddles the world of comedy clubs, festivals and churches. For more information see www.tonyvino.co.uk. @tonyvino

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COMMENT

JEFF LUCAS

transaction as both are used and becomes users ‐ he objectifies her for a thrill, she sees him as just another pathetic cash source. In the grubby shadows, the thin veneer of glamour was peeled away to reveal the festering truth: when people are commodified, ugliness reigns. It’s purity that’s truly gorgeous, faithfulness that’s the real stunner. Our car was very quiet on the ride home, and not just because we were appalled at what we’d seen. Perhaps we all knew the sobering truth: given the right set of circumstances, or a strong arm moment of temptation, we too are human beings, well able to pull up a chair for ourselves beside that fetid stage. Whatever hints of holiness we have about us, they are only ours because of grace. Much as we’d like to deny it, those staring men who are not so very unlike us. Fastidious about the dirt we see in others, we can be slow to see the grunge in us. If the club is to become a beacon, those who serve there will go as fellow broken, fragile souls, still under construction, rather than holier‐than‐thous on a pious mission for God.

Lucas Aid My Visit to the Strip Club

esterday, I went to a strip club. I was especially nervous, because it was my very ﬁrst time, because I’ve lived a sheltered life. I loved my visit, and hope it won’t be my last. I’d love to go more regularly. Outside, a sign painted with busty silhouettes screamed GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! Accessing the place was awkward. Looking around furtively before entering the dimly lit building, I worried I might be spotted going in. It wouldn’t be good to get caught in this act, what with my being a pastor. But my nervousness was tinged with undeniable excitement; my courage bolstered because I was not alone. Joined by a noisy gaggle of boisterous friends, all of us were thirsty for the same thing; hence this hasty boy’s outing. I studied the price list on the way in, which warned, helpfully, “No touching”. Inside, two small stages served as centerpieces, each one boasting a shiny pole. Lighting rigs hung sullenly over the stages – dark, at least when we arrived – set ready to illuminate glistening flesh. In a shadowy corner, a “VIPs only” section was set aside for semi‐private lap dances (a bargain, it said, for just £10 a song, free drink included). Hard chairs were replaced by couches there; booths offered seclusion and privacy. We checked out the bar and then, suddenly bold, a couple of us headed straight for the dancer’s dressing room, ignoring the scrawled warning on the door: “No men except for managers.” Bursting in uninvited, I inhaled the sickly, perfume‐thick air, and glanced at the family snapshots that festooned a few locker doors. Some pole‐ dancers have children, and they’re working hard to feed them. Languishing in the corner was a chaotic pile of shoes, with high heels that could create altitude sickness. We fell silent, momentarily ashamed now of our maleness. We knew that those who strut their stuff in those glittery clogs were unlikely to have happy feet, as nightly they squirm and gyrate for men like us, for 112 Sorted. Jan/Feb 2015

perspiring punters with ogling eyes. Pinned to one of the lockers was an obscene message penned from one dancer to another. We walked back into the main performance area. A few threadbare, upholstered chairs were scattered around, black with sweat or worse. Grime seemed to permeate the pores of the place. Gathering on the dance floor, we decided… It was time for some action. It was time for the show to begin. Now, I need to explain. Ours was a gang of Christian leaders. We were invited to tour the club, out of hours, by the co‐owner. A relatively new Christian, he’d decided that this cash cow of his needed to die; the meat‐ market must close, perhaps, he hoped, to make way for a new church to gather there. His dream is that the club could become a safe place, a house to show and tell good news that another love is on offer; one that gives and doesn’t grab, one that offers safety and security, forever. Thirty minutes later, fledgling plans hatched and urgent prayers prayed, we emerged back into the sunlight once more. And we all knew that we would never be quite the same again. Because we visited when the club was closed and otherwise deserted, we didn’t meet a dancer, or a client. But those tiny, sparkly shoes gave silent testimony. Those little feet had once been even smaller, perhaps walking barefoot, soles naked through grass and unashamed, happy feet, a young child carefree, not knowing then that exploitation was just around the corner. And back in that dank gloom, a lie was exposed. Here in the place where dancers lose their clothes, a deceptive emperor shed his clothes too. Illicit sex disguises itself, tarts itself up with grand, adult sophistication. It whispers exotic promises, baits the hook with allure. But it’s all a tawdry sham. Far from a bargain, the ten‐pound dance is actually the worse possible deal, for the lap dancer as well as well as her wide‐eyed “very important person” that is the client. Personhood is actually eroded in their hollow

“OUTSIDE, A SIGN PAINTED WITH BUSTY SILHOUETTES SCREAMED GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!”

We’re planning many more trips back to the club, hungry and thirsty to see despair kicked out by a bouncer called hope. We want to see dignitary where there is degradation; hope where there is nothing but a bleak future with yet more leering eyes and possibily another few bucks. Who knows? Perhaps we’ll shape one of those brassy poles into a cross, a symbol of condemnation and shame become a sign of death but then glorious resurrection. If God will help us, we just can’t stay away. Because it’s time. It’s showtime. n

Adapted from Jeff’s new book, The Cactus Stabbers, published by CWR, and available now.

Jeﬀ Lucas is an international speaker, broadcaster and author of 22 books. He loves to communicate using humour and storytelling. He is a monthly contributor to Christianity magazine and writes daily Bible reading notes, Life Every Day. Jeﬀ holds a teaching position at Timberline Church in Colorado and is married to Kay.

Sorted Issue 44 Jan_Feb 15_Layout 1 07/12/2014 16:36 Page 113

Welkom Hier geniet ik dus van! Wat een topblad. Ik beveel het al mijn vrienden aan. HENK STOORVOGEL

Het populairste mannenmagazine van Groot BrittanniĂŤ is nu ook verkrijgbaar in Nederland NEEM NU EEN ABONNEMENT IN SAMENWERKING MET

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Sorted Issue 44 Jan_Feb 15_Layout 1 04/12/2014 09:41 Page 114

COMMENT

CARL BEECH

The Last Word

Take a Moment

or about the last ten years I’ve been taking groups of blokes to a sports resort called Club La Santa in Lanzarote. Basically, you go there to eat good food, drink ice cold drinks in perpetually beautiful weather (it’s not far off the coast of West Africa) and absolutely hammer your body in pretty mountainous and long cycle rides, high intensity gym work‐outs, running, fitness classes, swimming and anything else that they can think of to inflict pain. Once a year should be enough but I’m actually writing this in a bit of down time, after a long run and gym session whilst here with my family. I feel like I’ve been run over by a jumbo jet, and I’m currently aching all over and trying to convince myself that exercise will be good for me in the end. Of course, unless you are a pro athlete, it’s unlikely that you are able to keep this level of exercise up in the daily grind of life. Odds are, that due to the nature of magazine reading, you are reading

this not long after a Christmas blow‐ out meal, birthday blow‐out meal, Saturday night curry takeaway, or combination of the above. I know because my life is punctuated by feasts as well as exercise. Don’t worry though, making you feel guilty for extreme calorie consumption is not the target of this edition’s column. Far from it in fact. The target is what we might call “western world complexity”. Pushing my body hard has revealed to me some key lessons. Let me explain… In Lanzarote there’s a signature bicycle climb called “tabyesco” (not Tabasco, although the sauce isn’t nearly as painful). It’s a 2000 feet climb up a valley from the coast, via a succession of hairpin bends. It’s tough, always hot, steep and a proper test of cycle fitness. More than that, to get to it you have to have done some serious miles already so your legs are tired. Grit and determination are required. One time, on getting to the top of the climb, I saw a small tree casting a bit of shade. It’s so exposed on the

“IT’S FOOD FOR THOUGHT ISN’T IT? HAVE OUR LIVES BECOME TOO COMPLEX FOR OUR OWN GOOD?”

climb that you basically cook. There’s no shade to be had until you get to this tiny tree. It’s a hugely welcome sight. I got off my bike, grabbed a water bottle and sat on a dusty bit of rock in its shade. Bliss. I can remember feeling this total sense of contentment wash all over me. It was hot. I was tired. I had water and a bit of shade. I can vividly remember thinking I had everything a man needs. I sat there for about 15 minutes, soaking the moment up. I’ve never forgotten it and nor have I forgotten what has proved to be a pretty profound moment of simple contentment. Back in the rat race of friendships, home admin (bills to pay), being a Dad, husband, church leader, charity CEO etc, it tends to take a lot more to make me/us feel content. And that’s going full circle to the curry takeaway or having a free view/Sky box, Xbox, gym membership, hobbies, the latest gadget. You know the score. I’m not appealing to go back to some kind of Amish simplicity but it’s food for thought isn’t it? Have our lives become too complex for our own good? And if the answer is yes, maybe we ought to take some time out every so often to recover moments of simple contentment, like the shade of a tree on a blisteringly hot day. I think we would become better people for it. Just don’t forget to set record on the Sky box when you go away... n

Carl is married with two daughters. He heads up Christian Vision for Men (CVM) and founded Codelife. You can follow him on Twitter @carlfbeech and on Facebook. @carlfbeech and @cvmen

Sorted. Don’t Miss The Next Issue! ON SALE FEBRUARY 18 114 Sorted. Jan/Feb 2015

Sorted Issue 44 Jan_Feb 15_Layout 1 04/12/2014 09:41 Page 115

Sorted Issue 44 Jan_Feb 15_Layout 1 04/12/2014 09:41 Page 116