4 minute read
Nehemi LeStrange Toure Alessi
Nehemi “Emi” is a 26 year old, New-Yorker who just so happens to be a non-binary pansexual individual. In their Second Life, they are able to be their authentic self behind the PC and within the PC. They are the same person you meet in real life as the person you meet in SL, just with a different name and appearance.
To start, I am currently 26 years old and my family background is West Indian, Jamaican and Crucian (U.S. Virgin Island’s St. Croix). West Indians are not that welcoming towards the LGBT community and even now my family particularly is not that welcoming towards me. My life has been a complete mess since birth essentially, I am the only girl in a family full of 5 kids. I was adopted as a late teen and on that side of the family, I have 3 sisters and 1 brother. So growing up, being around guys and girls was always shifted, depending on what age I was and what family I was living with.
In elementary school, I had always been more masculine and my mother had always just said I was a tomboy, however I wasn’t a complete ”tomboy”. I had felt like one of the ”guys” back then and I still played with your typical girly things.. Barbie dolls, dress up games and baby dolls. I just.. was more of a little boy socially. My identity has shifted throughout the years, as well as my sexuality. In elementary, I liked boys exclusively. In 6th and 7th grade, I went to a Catholic school that allowed both boys and girls. My first female crush was on a girl named Patty, Patty D. She had the prettiest red hair and freckles and the most beautiful brown eyes. We became best friends somehow and then even started dating but we broke up cause she cheated on me with a boy.. but that’s a story for a different day! I had a few crushes in this Catholic school, told a friend.. she told a teacher and the teacher tried to pray my gay away in Mass each Monday. This was my first WTF moment of my sexuality being a problem to others.
I went back to public school for 8th grade and found my first boyfriend, it just was not.. it. It wasn’t it. I had never felt so uncomfortable with ”straightness” in my personal life. I broke up with him after it was a love triangle in the 8th grade, kids are messy. I was put off from dating and just liked the idea of liking both boys and girls QUIETLY. My parents had never caught onto my dating life, I wasn’t allowed to date. However high school rolled around in 2011. Lady Gaga was definitely a thing and the gays were coming out of the closet every two seconds. My mom had thought something was up with me when I hanging out after school every day for GSA, she had asked one day what it stood for and I had to tell her it was the Gay Straight Alliance. She didn’t even ask about me, just immediately said I can be friends with them (the LGBT community) but couldn’t be gay because I’d go to hell.
I was 15 when I came out as bisexual to my friends and my best friend’s parents (who later adopted me and became my adoptive parents), everyone was welcoming and had no issues. However my own family was not the same, my biological mother was extremely homophobic and had physically assaulted me. My biological father cut me off and didn’t talk to me for 2 years, as well as his entire family. The only person in my biological family who continued to love me just the same was my maternal grandmother who is from St. Lucia and at the time she was 75, so she was not the usual type of ally. She was the most God-fearing woman and often told me God made me just the way I needed to be. With the support of my grandma and my adoptive family and my friends, life was ”content” for a bit. Still incredibly toxic in the home but when I went to school, I was safe. In my senior year, I was voted as co-president of our GSA and my co-prez were both bisexual, they were more non-binary back then and together we had gave life to our GSA once again. We had a talent show where a few people sang before coming out openly to the school and had even planned a field trip to go see a drag show and another trip for a pride event in the big city near us.
After high school, things were pretty decent. I did my own thing, I was out of the family home and still barely talked to my family. However, I finally discovered who I was at 20, I was nonbinary and pansexual, I had even started going by a gender-neutral nickname of Cece and introduced myself as Cece vs Chantel. I was comfortable in my own skin for once, which has taken a lot, especially after giving birth to my son. In summer of 2022, my biological mother called me one day in June and had asked me ”How do you know you’re gay?” I had explained to her that when I start a romantic relationship, I don’t have any preference of anything. From looks, to size, to gender, to sexuality - when I love someone, I love them for their heart and nature. Not the physical. She sighed and hung up. A week later, a Coach backpack and wallet arrived in the mail for me with a letter that said “”I love you, for who you are. Always.”” It has taken my mother over 10 years to accept me for who I am. The rest of my family will most likely never accept me, and that’s okay. Living my truth, my colorful truth, has been the greatest journey and I cannot wait to see where life takes me.
In life, we will upset people, it is natural. However we cannot put our happiness on hold for another person’s ability to be comfortable. We are made just the way we need to be, live your truth.