imy (imogen atheria)

Imogen Atheria has been in Second Life since 2008 and is a bit of a jack of all trades. She does “way too much” more times than not, but she truly loves every little project she starts/gets involved with, which makes all the hard work and stress worth it to help other people do what they love and see/hear them light up when they succeed.

Oh, hi. I’m Imogen. Or Imy. Usually I’d introduce a few other commonplace bits about myself here, but they’re relevant to the full story, so I’ll leave them out for now.

I’ve always had a deep respect for transgender people. I’ve always considered myself an ally. I’ve tried to be a safe person and participate in safe spaces, and I’m usually sure to begin any opinion I offer with, “This is coming from a cis female, so I acknowledge I will never fully understand...” because there ARE some things I will never fully understand about their experiences. But lately, I’ve had to think about what I’m saying.

I started seeing a new therapist recently and so I’ve had to go through that whole process of giving someone the Cliff’s Notes version of relevant details of my life and she picked up on the fact that I made it a point to identify myself as a cis female but left out my preferred pronouns. I answered that I assumed the cis female part covered that - that people would make the association, and she asked me if I feel like other peoples’ standards always have to be followed... and my brain kind of exploded.

I asked myself the same question... countless times... in the weeks following her asking me that. And I came to a conclusion.

I’ve never felt comfortable in my body not just because of its size, but because I was forcing myself into something that didn’t mentally and emotionally ‘fit’. I don’t always feel comfortable being feminine, though I do deeply enjoy it when I am comfortable or around someone I can be comfortable being feminine with. I’ve always been drawn to a more androgynous style, and most of the more feminine things I have are god awful because they’re those ‘obligatory’ kind of feminine things... flowery, lacey bullshit.

But, in relationships with women, I’m definitely the more femme leaning one of the bunch. And I love makeup on days when I want to wear it. And my nails are extensions of my self-expression. And then I realized... none of that is inherently feminine.

I’ve never really been inherently feminine. So why did I force it?

Because I’ve never felt like I should have been born a man. Therefore, if I didn’t feel like I was born in the wrong body, then I was a cis female... assigned female at birth and identifies as a female now. She/her. And it made sense for a long time. Until she asked me if other peoples’ standards always have to be followed.

I don’t think they do. And I don’t think that just because I don’t think I was meant to be born a man means that I’m automatically obligated to identify with being a woman. I think there’s an ‘in between’... a spectrum. And I’m not quite sure where I fall on that spectrum, but I don’t think it’s at either of the ends.

So, uh, hi. I’m Imogen. Or Imy. And I think I’m non-binary.

You asked for a coming out story, and instead I kinda chose to come out instead. But I’m pretty sure I was always good at not doing exactly what you wanted me to.