Sarulien | Ember

Sarulien (they/them) is a genderfluid, polyamorous cultural anthropologist, artist, and activist in their first life. In their Second Life, they are also an artist, primarily working with photography and interior design.

It took me a long time to feel comfortable leaving my assigned gender behind to become a new, more authentic version of myself. I’d always known, since I was very little, that being “a girl” wasn’t for me - in truth I felt far bigger than any one gender could encapsulate. But embracing it? Ha! Right.

I felt like being feminine constantly was something I was playing at, like an actor in an improv role they didn’t know they’d been selected for. So, instead, I wandered around aimlessly with this growing pit of dread in my stomach that maybe I just wasn’t good at being feminine - until the few moments I was.

I started exploring here and there, learning more about myself. It took quarantine lockdown to give me enough uninterrupted time with myself to really start to pick apart my concept of who I was, what I wanted - and a lot of missteps as I bubbled my way through learning about other genders.

Eventually, with the help of a genderqueer friend, I discovered a term for people like myself - genderfluidity, the state of being several genders at once and fluidly transitioning from one to another regularly. I changed my pronouns to something that felt as flexible as my idea of myself was - they/them primarily - and changed my name when the time felt right. And, very quickly, a new and brighter me - the realistic me I’ve ever met - was born, Pride of 2020, in the middle of the whole world falling apart.

And then… I shared my story on SL Facebook. It’s been a tidal wave of gender euphoria and this-feels-right-ness ever since! The outpouring of love and support that I’ve gotten from the SL community alone has made every internal struggle and every sleepless night worth it. Without this community and the lovely people in it, I’m almost certain I never would have found ME. So, really, thank all of you for being a part of that for me. I wouldn’t be here without you.