What I Wanted

By the time I got to FA, I was depressed and at my whit’s end because no matter what diet I went on, the weight always came back. My last ditch effort to lose weight before attending my first FA Meeting was to participate in a 5K that did not result in any weight loss. The one thing I knew for sure was that diets didn’t work for me.

I found out about FA through a co-worker. She was invited to an FA Meeting by another co-worker and asked me to go with her. I told her I would, but my heart wasn’t in it. I really didn’t want to go. But I didn’t want to discourage her in her pursuit to lose weight. I just knew it would be another diet program that I didn’t want to be part of. But, I went anyway. What got my attention from the first meeting was hearing a woman share her struggle with food before she found FA. Well, that was me! It amazed me that she had dealt with food the way I was dealing with food. Fortunately, during the break time, one of the greeters asked me if I thought I was a food addict. I told her, “yes”. She said, “Ok, I’ll be your temporary sponsor.” She proceeded to give me my food plan and told me to buy a food scale, and a regular weight scale, if I didn’t have one. At the same time, my co-worker who I came to the meeting with got a sponsor that day and we both started the program.

After the meeting, we went to the store and bought the food scale and food needed to start the program. I truly didn’t know what to expect, but I was hopeful. The next morning, I did what my temporary sponsor told me do. I called her at 6 a.m. She proceeded to tell me more about the program and guide me through my journey in FA. When I learned more about what was expected of me in this program it felt a little overwhelming. Going to three meetings a week and trying to find the closest three meetings were a little tricky. And calling three people a day! People whom I don’t know! That was really intimidating to me. I’m thinking, “What do I say to these people?” But, my sponsor understood my apprehension because she went through the same things that I was going through. She told me that people are really nice in this program. You just call someone on the phone list and tell them that you are new in FA and you are making an outreach call.

So, I did what I was told while feeling intimidated the whole time. Several people didn’t pick up, so I just left a message. When I finally reached someone they were nice. They told me briefly their story and how they found FA and their experience in FA. Some people gave me food tips, which were helpful.

About two weeks later, my temporary sponsor handed me over to her sponsor. She guided me through the program for a couple of months and then I transferred to a difference sponsor. My new sponsor went to my meetings and had what I wanted. She exuded confidence, serenity, sanity and wisdom. Just as the FA literature says, “Find a sponsor who has what you want and ask how it was achieved.” So, after she got her six months of abstinence, I asked her to sponsor me and she agreed. I was so happy.

At the meetings, I was meeting people from all walks of life in the program. As a food Addict, I naturally isolated – many times with food. Not wanting to share my food, not wanting others to see what and how much I ate. I didn’t want any judgmental eyes on me asking, “Should you be eating that?” or “I thought you were on a diet.” So, being part of this recovery program enabled me to break out of my isolation and actually talk to people and get to know them and them me.

I remember that my sponsor suggested or making the three phone calls easier, that at my three committed meetings, at break time, talk to others and ask them if their name is on the phone list and put a check by their names and tell them that you will be calling them during that week. This helped me a lot.

Making the phone calls and going to the meetings are just two of what are also known as “working the tools” in this program. These were new to me. There were adjustments I had to make; from getting up earlier for my 30 minutes of quiet time, to calling my sponsor daily, to making three phone calls, to reading the Twenty-Four Hours A Day book and AA Book, and of course, the three meetings per week. Fortunately, FA promotes progress, not perfection! The more I did the tools the more it became routine and, ultimately, part of my lifestyle.

I am so grateful that God showed me that there is a way to live my life without using food to deal with daily living; that there is a solution for me; that He will give me the tools that I need to live abstinently without flour and sugar; that He will open up a new world for me – a life of sanity, peace, wisdom, reflection, forgiveness and gratefulness. Thank you God that I am in recovery and living my best life ever!