My Big Fat Greek Birthday

“Don't eat no matter what, period.” That was the mantra that got me though the rite of passage from my 30s into my 40s. I joined Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) at age 29 and had been abstinent for a good number of years at that point, having lost 50 pounds (23 kilos) from my top weight of 170 pounds (77 kilos). As my 40th birthday approached, my cousin asked me what I would like to do to celebrate. I felt uncomfortable about turning 40 (freaked out, anxious, upset, and feeling as if I should have been married and had a baby already), and I have pre-event anxiety around family parties, so the question was challenging. We decided on a simple party with my cousins at her house, just something chill and un-orchestrated. I wanted to watch a movie, laugh, horse around, and eat my weighed and measured meal while the cousins had some easy takeout food. But what started as an informal cousin party turned into something quite different.

We found out that my aunt and uncle were visiting from Greece, and plans began to morph. My cousin decided to invite them. But if they were invited, then her parents should be invited. And if her parents were invited, then my parents should be invited. And we couldn’t invite some of the aunts and uncles without inviting all the aunts and uncles. My simple, easy cousin party had turned into My Big Fat Greek 40th Birthday Party.

On the day of the event, I planned to eat the grilled protein served at the party and bring the rest of my weighed and measured meal with me. Off I went, scoffing at my anxiety! I looked cute in my little birthday top and skirt, but when I got to my cousin’s house, I realized it was much colder than I anticipated. Having lost weight in FA, I don't do well in the cold [recovery lesson for me: bring layers]. I told my cousin I'd like to have dinner at 5 pm, but she decided to serve appetizers then. I accepted her decision and hunkered down to wait until it was time to eat. My cousin’s hubby was grilling the meat, and I found out that it was already marinated. Oy! [Recovery lesson for me: pack a whole meal, even if I think they’ll have what I need]. Thankfully, they were able to find some plain meat for me, so that crisis was averted. Next, my aunts and uncles who were supposed to arrive at 5 pm all arrived “on Greek time” (which means they were not all there yet as it neared seven o'clock). Oy! It was getting late and I was very hungry, so I resigned myself to eating alone. I sat outside in the cold, eating my abstinent meal, crying. It all seemed incredibly sad and dramatic, but I made it through. I did not eat addictively, and I kept it together as best I could.

Dinner came and went. The next challenge transpired as the family had dessert. My aunt from Greece brought out a gigantic sugar-flour product she had baked just for me, and there was also another sugar-flour item with candles on it for me to blow out. I was already upset. To be forced to lean over all this sugar and flour and look at all the stuff I wasn’t going to eat was quite challenging. And afterwards, my sweet, well-intentioned uncle from Greece made a grand speech saying that the next time he came to the States, he wanted me to be married and have a baby. Aaack! I was barely keeping it together. One of my cousins who has some experience in recovery could see my meltdown coming and headed to the bathroom with me while I sobbed.

Yet, all the while, I did not eat or drink, thank you God. I was even able to laugh about it with my cousin the very next day [recovery lesson for me: laughter cures many ills].

My sponsor often says, “This too shall pass.” [Recovery lesson for me: remember the mottos]. Good times come and good times go; hard times come, and hard times go. Letting go of my 30s affected me intensely, but as I recall those memories, I think of myself kindly and tenderly. I can say with all gusto that today at 42, I am single, happy, and relishing this recovery now more than ever. I am grateful for and accept my sweet life exactly as it is today, and I’m still very hopeful about having a significant relationship in the future. I'm so grateful to be on the path I’m on today and to have lived in an abstinent body from my late 20s into my 40s. I cannot imagine where I would be without God, my sponsor, and my fellows, and all the growth offered by living this FA life.