Trusting God to Decide

In Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meetings, after the speaker has shared and we have returned from our 10-minute break, those with 90 days or more of continuous abstinence are encouraged to raise their hands to share. My sponsor has suggested that I raise my hand each time, trusting that it will be God who does the choosing, but I haven’t always done this.

In one of my meetings, hands were not being raised, and some old-timers suggested that this placed a real challenge on the speaker to choose fellows to share. I agreed with them, trying to imagine to how amazing it might be if all those with 90 days did raise their hands to speak. I liked this idea so much, I wondered why I didn’t do my part to make it a reality. I had my own excuses for why I didn’t raise my hand each time.

This is what I came to see for myself. When I choose to not trust God and not raise my hand as one who can share experience, strength, and hope in meeting, I am saying, in essence, that I know what is best for the meeting. I am being willful and controlling the direction I think the meeting should go. I am playing God. I am making a decision all right, but one that is not trusting myself to the care of God.

So, in the last few meetings, I have kept my hand up to share every time; sometimes I get called on, sometimes I do not. What seems different to me now is that I always feel I have done my part, which is simply to be willing and offer my hand in case my Higher Power wants to have me chosen. And now, I experience the freedom of not having to decide whether I feel like raising my hand, not trying to figure out if I have anything worthwhile to share, and not trying to determine if I am sharing too often.

I am encouraged to move forward in my recovery and my service in our FA meetings. I want the courage to do my part, raise my hand for my recovery, and trust.