No Meetings, No Problem

I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) in April 2017 when I was 39 years old. I am 5 feet 6 inches (168 cm) tall and at that time I weighed 139 pounds (63 kilos), only 10 pounds (3 kilos) heavier than what I weigh now (130 pounds/60 kilos is my healthy weight).

At that time, I had been a member for ten years of another 12-step program for food. In those last ten years I had eaten only three meals a day (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) with nothing in between and I hadn’t eaten any sweets, confectionary treats, take away food, etc.

I didn’t come to FA to lose to weight. So, what brought me to FA? I came to FA because I was obsessed with food; I couldn’t stop eating and binging and purging. Each of my three meals a day consisted of “healthy food,” but the portions were massive, three / four / five plates at each sitting. I had been bulimic for the past 20 years and by the time I came to FA I was making myself sick about 10-12 times every day. I was obsessed with food and food changed how I felt about myself; how I felt about you and about the world. I hated myself, I hated everyone, and the thought of dying was very appealing.

I had tried everything to lose weight and control my food intake; diet clubs, counsellors, psychologists, diet pills, illegal street drugs, gastric surgery (gastric band), and this other 12 step program. By the time I came to FA I was hopeless and thought nothing could possibly help me.

In desperation I searched the internet for other 12 step programs for eating problems and I found FA. I felt so disheartened when I saw that there were no meetings in my area. The nearest meeting was a five hour drive away and I doubted that anyone could get abstinent without meetings. Regardless of my doubt, I emailed requesting the long-distance sponsor list. When I received this, I texted (phoning was just too scary) a woman who lived in the same state in Australia as me (Western Australia). This woman called me within five minutes of messaging her. She simply explained the program to me and told me what food to buy and eat that day. She became my sponsor and is still my sponsor today and despite living in an area with no FA meetings I have nearly three years of continuous abstinence, thank you God. I am no longer obsessed with food, I no longer make myself sick, I do not hate myself or others. I eat my three weighed and measured meals and I am happy to be alive today.

So, what was different? Why does FA work for me? I learned that I am a food addict and to be in recovery from this addiction I need to follow a really simple food plan, the food plan handed to me by my sponsor. In FA we have a clear definition of abstinence and have the tools which help me to maintain my recovery. This was always lacking in my previous attempts to be abstinent in the other program. I have a beautiful sponsor who guides me in my recovery; she helped me to achieve abstinence, gave me hope that this was achievable, and that FA worked. She helped me understand and integrate the tools of recovery into my life. She continues to guide me towards my Higher Power so that I can depend on my HP in life as opposed to turning to food.

Looking at the tools, initially, I found using the phone very difficult. I never really knew what to say and always felt awkward. Over time the calls got easier; I started getting to know people and building relationships. In the beginning I made calls to other newcomers or people who hadn’t been around for too long – those calls felt easier as they weren’t really focused on anything in particular and were really more of a “catch up” and chat. I came to realize though, that’s not really what I needed from my outreach calls. I needed also to be speaking to people who had been around a while; people with strong recovery, people who could guide me through recovery and tell me what I needed to hear.

Literature also helps me stay abstinent. Articles in connection magazine help me to see how other people stay abstinent and work through challenges which may come up in their recovery. The FA podcasts and MP3 qualification are also a really good way of connecting and identifying with others. I guess a big thing for me in my abstinence is about trying to connect to others, to see that I’m not alone, that there are others out there who can help me, and others who have the same problem with food addiction but are recovering.

All the tools are really important in my abstinence but two that I find myself using more and more are prayer and quiet time. I guess it took a while in FA for me to see the benefit of these, but quite naturally now I find myself turning to God, taking even two minutes out to be alone with God and just to breath. I find this is possible no matter where I am. In work I will often go into the toilet cubicle, close the door, get on my knees, and pray to God to help me with whatever has come up.

For me it all begins with abstinence; when I am abstinent, I’m then able to go out into the world and be the person God wants me to be – thank God for FA.