Job Interview in Recovery

I recently had a job interview. Before attending I talked it over with my sponsor and I processed my feelings with my FA friends. I was nervous and yet I was also excited. When it was time to go to the interview, I had a sense that fundamentally everything was ok despite my anxiety.

My experiences of doing life in recovery are vastly different from what I went through trying to do life alone prior to coming into Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) when I was 34. I am now 46 and so much has changed. One particularly illustrative pre-FA job interview occurred back in 2005. I had recently moved with my younger sister, her husband, their toddler, and new baby. I was living with them because my boyfriend of 5 years had dumped me and kicked me out for undisclosed reasons which may have been related to my bulimia, drug abuse, alcohol dependence, inability/disinclination to work and occasional sexual indiscretions.

So, there I was living with my sweet, gentle sister and her young family while I was continuing my self-destructive habits that were harming them as well. I continued to binge and purge, would raid their pantry, order delivery food at all hours of the night, and run up the water bill purging my binge. Plus, I would go out to the bars late at night which was disruptive to a household with small children. Occasionally I noticed how detrimental my behavior was, so I ate and drank to deal with the feelings because I didn’t have the capacity to change.

My sister, who was getting worn out, told me one day that I needed to get a job. I applied at a fancy local grocery store in our town. On the day of my interview, I was ready to go. I had prepared by doing what I had been doing for years; I binged and purged and then went out to a bar to drink and see if anyone there wanted to give me some drugs.

On the morning of the interview, I was filled with bravado and too hungover to notice the butterflies in my stomach. Since I didn’t care to drive, because one of my strategies for staying thin was to run wherever I wanted to go, I put on my interview clothes and started to run to my job interview. About halfway to the job interview, I realized that my body was rebelling from the assault of last night’s drinking. With dismay, that I quickly covered with denial and laughter, I realized that I had soiled myself. I looked around and noticed an office building where I was able to find a bathroom so that I could clean myself up. Unfortunately, I took the gift of finding a bathroom as an affirmation of my lifestyle. Once presentable, I resumed my run to the high-end grocery store and after the interview, I was given the job. I tended to interview well although I couldn’t keep jobs. As fun as that grocery store job was, it was in no way near the career that I had dreamed about since being a kiddo. I had gone to college and had a desire in my heart that couldn’t be fulfilled by the jobs that I needed to support my addictions.

I love to contrast the above memory to what my life is growing into today after being in recovery for over a decade. I must also note that for the first several years in program I had to put everything on the back burner. Getting off food, and stopping bulimia, was the hardest drug to “kick” and I was very ill for quite a while, but the investment in my recovery was the foundation for everything good that I enjoy today. Talking with my sponsor taught me what to do with my food and later what to do with my emotions. I learned that I could call my FA people and that they would help me explore my experiences rather than denying them with bulimia. As the Twelve Steps provided me with a way to make repairs for my damaging behaviors of the past, I started to lose the shame that had blocked me from connecting with other humans. For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged. I finally knew what it was like to have close relationships with people.

At my recent job interview, my clothes were lovely and fit nicely. I felt calm and content having started my morning with asking my Higher Power for abstinence and help, reading my 24 hours, taking 30 minutes of quiet time, making FA calls, eating an abstinent breakfast, and taking time to walk in nature. When I walked into the office building, I struggled with a momentary feeling of inadequacy because the atrium was filled with boulders, plants, waterfalls and looked like Hawaii. I saw important looking people walking around and I started to feel small. I asked my Higher Power for help, took a deep breath and proceeded. The interview went well. It felt so good not to have to hide myself. People in FA have told me that the best way to prepare for a job interview is to be myself. Today I have am proud of my abstinent FA lifestyle. I enjoyed my visit with the CEO and was able to relate to her as another human being. FA has taught me how to reach outside of myself and to identify similarities.

At one point, toward the end, the CEO asked me what I would like to be paid. The question took me by surprise, and I answered her honestly that I would like to have enough to be comfortable, but that money was not the focus of my hopes. I shared with her that I was looking for a beautifully run organization that has a commitment to providing the highest quality care to our clients and staff and has an ongoing focus on training and growth. I told her that I view life like a marathon and thus value self-care and collegial support. She nodded thoughtfully. Basically, I was looking for a job that mirrors the spiritual values of my FA community. As the interview concluded, the CEO told me that she would like to onboard me ASAP and so we went over the next steps for that process.

I left the interview and was elated. I have learned in FA to share my experiences, both highs and lows, so I contacted my sponsor and my FA people, which helps me to stay present in my day. This is especially important because I am a food addict and food is everywhere and so I need to be present with my thoughts and actions and connected to my Higher Power.

As I processed the interview with FA friends, I felt joy and hope and peace. I’m so grateful that I’m not in the “hire me, fire me” cycle of the past. Today, by doing all of my FA tools every day, I am able to be a great worker. I can take feedback, I love learning, I am rigorous with self-care and avoid burnout, I show up on time, I am reliable, I am honest, I am cheerful and empathetic, and I don’t steal my coworkers’ food out of the refrigerator (which I used to do).

I came to FA because I didn’t want what I had, hopelessness and bulimia. By working the Twelve Steps in FA, I have been showered with gifts that bless me and the people around me. Today I can show up and trust that my Higher Power and my FA practices will bring me to the place where I can be of maximum service to God and others and be compensated well too!