My Power Supply

It was a brutally hot, sticky day in August 2003. I was living in Brooklyn, a borough of New York City, and commuting a good distance to attend graduate school on the Upper West Side. I was two weeks abstinent and, frankly, a basket case. I was hungry, tired, detoxing, scared, and unsure if I was a food addict. Yet I clung to the Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) program, my fellows, and my Higher Power as one would to a life raft. For the first time in over a decade, I hadn’t eaten addictively for two straight weeks, and I felt a sense of freedom and tentative hope that I could have peace around the food.

Then the lights went out—literally! New York City was experiencing a brownout. I was at my graduate school, just about to get on the subway, when the

For the first time inover a decade, I hadn’teaten addictively fortwo straight weeks,and I felt a sense of freedomand tentative hope that I couldhave peace around the food.

city shut down. At first there was a good deal of panic and speculation whether this was another terrorist attack, but we soon learned that it was just an electrical brownout affecting Manhattan and all five boroughs. The taxi cabs were already taken and the subways weren’t running, so I wasn’t sure how to get home.

I gratefully pulled out my weighed andmeasured dinner, which I brought with me just in case I was running late. I found a park bench and thanked G-d for my abstinent meal. I then joined a throng of New Yorkers crowding the sidewalks trying to get home. Somehow, I managed to walk more than four miles to my aunt’s apartment. She had also lost power, so all her food had spoiled and it had to be thrown away. Our cell phones weren’t working, so I worried about how I would call my sponsor in the morning. I was very scared about how to have abstinent meals with no fresh food available.

Luckily, my aunt had a landline, so I called my sponsor, who helped talk me through how to have an abstinent breakfast at my aunt’s apartment. (Let’s just say I won’t be having that canned fish for breakfast ever again!)

I was making my way towards home, worrying about how I would get there, since none of the trains were running, when I spotted a truck selling summer treats. I wanted to eat so badly. I remember being distraught and thinking, How could I make it through a brownout and walk over the bridge without eating that stuff ? Not fair! I want it, I need it!

I think in that moment I realized how strong the pull of food was and how powerless I was over it. Teary-eyed, I asked my Higher Power for help to not eat that stuff. The feeling passed and I stayed abstinent. Shortly after that, a bus appeared that was taking folks across the bridge to the area where I lived. Hallelujah! I had a ride.

I see now that all things are possible with the help of my HP, even staying abstinent in the midst of a city-wide brownout in the blazing heat of a New York City summer. For that, I am truly grateful.