Breaking Family Patterns

Igrew up in a family that had a preoccupation around food and weight.

When I was little, I was sure that my baby-fat cheeks and “thunder thighs” meant that I was already hopelessly fat. I was miserable that I would be fat and forever dieting like my mom.

When the pounds really became evident on me as a teen, my mom said, “Your dad noticed that you’re getting a big butt, so be careful, honey, I never want you to be fat like me.” That’s how the cycle of exercise, bingeing, worrying, and finding a new fad diet began.

My dad was 51 when he suffered his first massive heart attack and almost died. He was obese, with undetected heart blockages and diabetes. He worked hard at first and lost about 80 pounds (about 36 kilos). I often walked and dieted alongside my dad, but I noticed how we both struggled to maintain our weight. My dad lost his job, so he started his own insurance business. The stress was immense and, with it, came more eating. Slowly, he had his suits readjusted to accommodate his growing girth.

We celebrated his sixtieth birthday with a huge surprise party, where he announced he would have open heart surgery. Sadly, he lost his battle and passed away.

When I turned 51, I felt like I was the female version of my dad, heading right into the very same pattern. I feared I would also be a victim of diabetes and heart disease. I needed a solution, and begged God to help me while I cried myself to sleep at night, dreaming of what I would binge on next.

It seemed that I had tried every weight and exercise program available. At 4-feet, 11-inches tall, I was inching up to the 200- pound mark (about 90 kilos). I demanded God send me a miracle, perhaps the gastric sleeve surgery, like my brother had done. I was desperate and earnestly praying for an answer. Thank God I was ready when the answer came, or almost ready.

I am 55 years old now and have been involved in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) since February 29, 2016. It was “leap of faith” day, as it was leap year, and there was an extra day that February. Boy, am I glad for that extra day! I came into FA kicking and screaming for a bit, but on April 1, I decided not to be foolish, and I pledged to God that I would stay abstinent.

It has been over three years now. One day at a time, I have been blessed to be able to stay abstinent. I have three weighed-and measured meals a day, no flour, no sugar, and no snacks in between.

Today I was cleaning when I came across a dream board I created in another weightloss program that included a support group but was more like a diet than FA. A few months before I found FA, I came up with the idea to create and share a dream board with that diet group. When I look at this board, it is so interesting, because I now realize the similarity of what I wrote with the tools I practice in FA. I had a photo of a cute frog and wrote F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely on God), and a list of priorities in my life, which are God, me, family, work, friends. It feels like this was a foreshadowing of what was to come.

I think God was fertilizing my mind, body, and spirit so I would be aware that I had a problem, and that my life with food controlling me was unmanageable. I came into FA ready to accept that I am a food addict, that I needed to listen and follow God, and that I should stop trying to take the wheel. I was being prepped for action, to follow the FA Twelve-Step program of recovery, and be abstinent from flour, sugar, and unmeasured quantities of food. I was ready to accept and follow God and become part of a supportive fellowship, where I both lean on my fellows and support them when they need it.

I am now spared from the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual torture I experienced when I was lost in a sea of flour and sugar. Now I am in a sea of God’s compassion and love, with the FA angels he sends me to help me down this path of discovery of a new way of life—a healthy, joyous, and free way of living, every day.