Love and Marriage

Thirty years ago, on a blind date, I met my husband. I’d been in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) for 18 months. My heaviest weight was 200 pounds (about 91 kilos) at 5-feet, 2-inches tall. At that size, no one was fixing me up on a blind date.

I had been married previously for 21 years, but after it ended in divorce, I had sworn off men. No interest at all. However, after a year in FA my sponsor and I started talking about dating. By then I was in a right-sized body and starting to feel good about myself.

Back then there were no laptops, tablets, or cellphones, so there were no dating apps. The closest thing was a dating service, which I called just to investigate. The very nice lady who answered my call started taking down all my information. When she came to age, she paused. Her comment was “I’m so sorry dear, we don’t have any available men your age.” I was 42! God was working in my life because the price of six guaranteed dates was $1,200, money I didn’t have.

Shortly thereafter, I had to call my insurance agent. I had known him since we worked in a grocery store together back when I was in high school. Through the years he had seen me fat, thin, fat and thin again, depending on if the latest diet was working. After we took care of my insurance question, he asked me how my dieting was going. I told him I was in a new program and thinner than I had been in a long time. He said he had a friend who was a widower who he wanted to fix me up with. Less than a week later, we had our blind date.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I hadn’t dated anyone since I was 18. Times were very different almost 25 years later. My sponsor and I had a long talk the morning of my date. She suggested I tell him about program straight away, “He has to know who you are. If he doesn’t want to accept you, all of you, then why waste your time?” So I did. He didn’t bat an eye. He’d forgotten his glasses and couldn’t read the menu, so he ordered the exact same thing I did; an abstinent meal. We had a good time and agreed to see each other again.

Two and a half years later, we were married. My previous husband and I had eloped. No fancy wedding; nothing. I told my husband I wanted to have a real wedding. He was fine with that. We were married in a very nice venue on a cold but sunny winter Sunday. If I thought I was nervous on our first date, I was twice as nervous on our wedding day. The ceremony and reception were beautiful. My mother had died shortly after I met my husband, so my sponsor and I went dress shopping. Everything was so special and exactly how I wanted it. My daughter was my maid of honor and my son walked me down the aisle. It was perfect.

I had many FA friends at the wedding. The menu had three options and one was an abstinent meal, including fresh fruit. We had individual desserts for everyone, and not one person said anything about missing the traditional wedding dessert. I had the wedding of my dreams, all thanks to FA.

Originally, we were to leave the next morning for a two-week honeymoon in Hawaii. Because I was in an in-person AWOL (A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps) on Monday nights, I planned the date of the wedding around the close of the AWOL. However, we had the worst winter that year with plenty of snow. Each time it snowed a lot, my AWOL was canceled. That happened too many times, so my calculation for our honeymoon date was no longer on target. If I wanted to stay in the AWOL, I couldn’t take two consecutive Mondays off. I discussed the problem with my sponsor, and she suggested I talk to my fiancé about leaving for the honeymoon on Tuesday . That way, I could attend the AWOL Monday night. He was agreeable.

This man had supported my program since our first date, thank you God. I called the airline to change the flight, knowing it was going to cost me a bit of money. But because we changed to a Tuesday departure, we actually saved $100 on the cost of a ticket. Unbelievable! That just didn’t happen; there were always financial penalties for a flight change. Again, I saw God working in my life.

We had a wonderful 13 days in Hawaii. I stayed abstinent and was back in time for my Monday night AWOL. I only missed one AWOL meeting, so I was able to complete my first study of the Twelve Steps in FA.

My husband is supportive of everything about my program. Changing the date of our honeymoon was just the first. I had surgery several times, so he had to weigh my food. He cooks my vegetables just the way I ask him to. He’s okay with not going to specific restaurants because it’s difficult for me to get what I need. He knows we eat at certain times at regular intervals. The morning after my mother died, he showed up at my door with all my abstinent food, including breakfast. I had stayed at my dad’s that night so he wouldn’t be alone, and my husband wasn’t sure if I had what I needed. I know this man was a gift from God. Is he perfect? You know he’s not, but he’s just what I need. Thirty years later we are still happy and in love. All thanks to my Higher Power and my program.