No Reservations

First 90 Days

On my ninetieth day of abstinence, my car was broken into and all the jewelry I sell was stolen. I had spent all last year building my inventory.

My work life is now in transition, and today I found myself sinking into a low place. After lunch I started to feel overwhelmed and desperate, and asking God for help was not changing my thoughts or the way I felt. I was worrying that I might have to go back to working for someone else and the thought was not appealing to me. I felt scared and frightened that I wouldn’t be capable of holding a job, even though I had held jobs my entire life and my last job was in an executive position. The tool of telephone often saves me from emotional binges, desperate feelings, and procrastination, so I picked up the phone and left numerous messages, asking people to call me back.

I received a call back and was able to share what was going on with me, with no reservations. I shared that I was afraid of going back to a nine-to-five job after having so much freedom over the past year. The feedback from the woman I called was that she had been out of work the entire time her daughter was young and went back to work when her daughter was in junior high school. She shared that at times in her recovery she was petrified about taking steps to find employment after so long, but that she continued to move forward, despite her feelings. This was encouraging. I knew that if she could do it, so could I, with just one action followed by the next, as long as I didn’t eat.

We ended the phone conversation and another member called me back. I realized that the feelings of desperation had lifted and was reminded that that tools of this program work.

My life today is good. I am in a thin body, which is what I wanted through my whole adult life. I know that if I follow this program, I can stay in a thin body, and my relationship with myself and others will continue to improve.

I presently live with my brother, and I no longer eat him out of house and home. I contribute financially, do little things to help him, and make him lovely meals when I am making mine. I am present when people need to talk, and I try to be helpful when an opportunity arises. I have a long way to go, but today I have hope, and that is one thing I did not have before FA.