Groundhog Day

Before I began my journey into recovery from food addiction, I woke up every morning with a strong resolve that this would be the day I would stick to my commitments. I knew I was hurting myself with my destructive eating habits and the bingeing and purging that often took place. I not only hurt myself, I hurt the people I loved, as I was unable to be present in my relationships when I was anesthetized by flour, sugar, and quantities.

I also stole time from my employer because I could not be fully present at my job. I was constantly thinking about the next meal, snack, treat, or reward. I often stole food from my coworkers. Every day I said I wasn’t going to hurt myself, but before noon I was face down in the food. It was like watching that movie, Groundhog Day. I kept repeating the same behavior, thinking this time would be different. Every day this was going to be my last binge. And every day I went to bed, sick from the food and feeling like a failure.

When I came to FA, with the guidance of a therapist, I learned I wasn’t a failure; I was a food addict. I learned there were other people who were like me and who thought like me. I learned I wasn’t alone and that there was a solution. I learned that one day at a time, I could have hope. Today, I don’t have to be a slave to my addiction. I can have a feeling and not eat over it. Today is no longer Groundhog Day.