Staying for the Miracles

I was 260 pounds and had no hope that I would ever stop eating. Then I came to this program for one reason—to lose weight.

In FA, I've always heard “stay for the miracle.” I can say that while unexpected, I have had many miracles throughout my time in recovery, and they keep coming.

I found my first miracle when I put my food on the scale and woke up abstinent the next day. One day at a time, a year later I had shed exactly 100 pounds. Continued abstinence helped the rest to come off, revealing the person hiding behind the fat for all those years. Twenty years later, I weigh 123 pounds.

The first time I heard my sponsor suggest that I ask God for help when I had food thoughts, my reaction was, “I’m not important enough to ask for help with my food. God’s busy.” A short time later, I was leaving a movie theater parking lot with my young son in his car seat in the back of the car. The parking lot was dark as I followed another car to avoid the traffic heading the other way. There were no lights, and I couldn’t see where the first car had gone. I noticed a break in the trees in the distance and followed the road to that point. As I hesitated in the dark, I saw a “road ahead” sign and bean to accelerate to enter the intersection. Suddenly, I heard a loud voice yell “Back up!” I slammed the car into reverse.

I looked ahead and realized that what had appeared to be a road was actually a ramp into the river through the break in the trees. There were no markings or warning signs. I trembled as I looked around and realized no one was there. The loud voice was my Higher Power, who had taken the time to save me and my child from a very dangerous situation. I knew then that I was important enough to turn to my Higher Power with anything and everything in life.

I continued to work my program and began to feel God’s presence more and more. My husband was facing a dangerous surgery that could have cost him his leg or possibly his life. As we drove to the doctor, I prayed, “God, please let me know if this will be alright.” Within less than a minute, a red cardinal (a symbol for me from God?) flew across the windshield of the car. I was stunned because we were not in a wooded area.

I continued to work my program, brought my weighed-and-measured food to the hospital during the entire time, and though his recovery had many twists and turns, he can walk with the help of a cane, and I remained abstinent. Had I thrown away my abstinence in despair or worry, I would not have been there for my husband when he needed me. When he awoke in the recovery room, there was a gorgeous nurse leaning over him. But he called for me and asked me to lean in and kiss him—again and again—even after 45 years of marriage. What a miracle! We are now married 48 years and our marriage is richer than ever. Another miracle for this food addict!

Another challenge was that my youngest son developed epilepsy during his first year of college. I leaned heavily on my program and Higher Power to get through the years that followed, never knowing when my son would drop to the floor thrashing. He suffered a brain injury when he fell on a concrete floor during a seizure, which resulted in two skull fractures and a bad brain bleed. I didn’t eat. I relied again on my program and Higher Power. When my son awoke from massive brain surgery, the surgeon told us he had never seen a patient as alert and talking after that type of injury. He said most patients were either dead or in a coma. I

felt, and shared with my son, my belief that he was saved for a reason. His life may touch someone in a way that he'll never know about, but he can be assured his life is important. Six years later, he is recovering and no longer seizing, has a wonderful career, and is engaged to be married!

My program gave me the strength to get through these challenges without picking up the food. Eating addictively would have distanced me from my loved ones rather than being there for them!

I have come to know that this is not a program with a spiritual component, but a spiritual program. I work to show my gratitude every day in every way. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress.

I love the saying I’ve heard in FA, “If I worry, why pray, and if I pray, why worry?” I live by this daily and when faced with fear or situations that require difficult decisions, I turn to my Higher Power and seek guidance. If I cannot reach a decision by seeing a clear path from my Higher Power, it’s not time to make the decision. I pray for acceptance and wait, and miracle of miracles, an answer appears!