October 2023: Accepting the Things I Cannot Change. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

Pr i v i lege of R ecover y

Icame to FA nearl y 20 years a go, at a ge 47, wei g hing 218 p ound s. I wei g hed more than many footbal l players. I was miserable, angr y, and hopeless. I felt l i ke a w hite a g wa s bi l low ing over my head that ever yone could interpret a s “I give up. ” I desperatel y wanted to lose weight, but I just couldn’t do it. I wa s powerless w hen it came to food Ever y d ay I would sta r t by promising myself that I would not e at that day, but I couldn ’ t e ven le ave the house w ithout overe ating . At the bre a kf a st table, I would have one our pro d uct w ith a cup of co ee a nd end up eating ever ything on the table before I even le for work I had at lea st one box of hard c a nd y in my c a r “just in c a se ” a nd a fe w boxes at my desk at work. My work area alw ays had fo o d a round it. My cowor kers were a l w ays br ing ing fo o d a nd ed ible good ies into the o ce for special events. I wanted to be supportive and help them celebrate, so I ate. Usua l l y, w hen I o ered to

clean up a er these socia l a a irs, any leovers would end up on my desk.

A er work, I had to make d inner for the f a mi l y. I w a s ver y consci enti ous ab out being a good cook. I felt the need to sample and ta ste ever y thing a s I prepared the meal. One day at d inner time, I was tal king to a friend on the phone. During that convers ati on, I nished co oking a n entire d ish for four. Whi le still chatting , I ate the family’s meal, washed the pot, and began to cook it al l over a gain. Of course, when d inner time c a me, I s at down with the family and ate a gain.

As a go o d house w i fe, I would o er to clean up a er ever y meal, which meant that I could eat al l the food that my chi ldren or husband le on their pl ates. A er d inner, we would watch T V. ere was no point in watching T V without snacks, which for me could e a si l y me a n e ating a p ound of c r unchy fo o d a nd w a shing it dow n w ith diet soda. When I had guests or went to so-

I felt like a white ag was billowing over my head that ever yone could inter pret as “I give up. ”

ci a l e vent s I w a s hy p er-fo cused on fo o d ; w hat to ma ke, how to b a ke it, w hat to bring , and how to prov ide huge quantities. It wa s al l about food and more food.

Fo o d w a s the re a son I would get out of bed in the morning , especial l y if there were any del icious items le in the refrigerator from the prev ious day. Once I star ted eating , I couldn’t stop. I had eating budd ies I would meet for co ee a nd a chat, prefer-

abl y in a bu et-st yle restaurant. I would eat unti l I w a s physi c a l l y si ck. My stor y incl uded binge e ating a nd purg ing . I w a s l led w ith sha me a nd self-lo athing a er I d i d b oth of these acti v iti es, but it ne ver stopped me.

On some le vel , I sta r ted re a l izing that something was wrong. I needed to stop eating so much and stop bingeing and purging , but I could not stop.

MARGARETE N , NJ

I v isited my doctor w ith a stor y that my thy roi d w a s prob abl y not wor king e ven thoug h my l ab test le vel s were norma l I a sked him to prescribe thy roid hormones a s I thought my metabol ism must be sluggish e real insanit y of this request is that, a s a nurse, I kne w better. I kne w w hat I wa s a sking w a s d a ngerous, e ven l i fe-thre atening In a l l respect s, w hen it c ame to food , my b ehav i or w a s ins a ne. I w a nted to lose weig ht so bad l y. I just d i d n ’ t w ant to stop eating

Yet w hen I c a me into FA a nd he a rd the term “fo o d add i ct, ” I w a s app a l led. It seemed so over the top, excessive I would tel l other FA fel lows that I d i d n ’ t think I wa s a food add ict. I d idn’t rea l ize my ow n d ishonest y Howe ver, at my ver y rst FA meeting , I d i d sta r t feel ing the seed s of hope. Maybe, just maybe, I might get under 200 p ound s at w a s my go a l If I could just achi e ve that go a l , I thoug ht I could continue to eat the way I wanted.

In my rst month, I lost 17 pounds I went from 218 to 201 pounds. at wa s a miracle and yet some what of a disappointment, as my goal was just to be under 200 pounds I fel t that i f I stayed for a nother month, I could atta in my go a l a nd then le ave the program e next month, I lost 14 pounds a nd I fel t that I had a rr i ved. For the rst time in a ver y long time, I boug ht a d ress for a fami l y wedd ing o the rack, a size 16

I thoug ht surel y my sponsor would think that I was now in a right-sized body, but she d idn’t

My ro ad to recover y ha s b een slow. I gradual l y became aware of my d ishonest y, denial about my food addiction, lack of humi l it y, a nd self-centered ness. S omething changed a er my second month. I star ted getting c autiousl y optimistic I star ted l istening more at meetings and calling people with long-term abstinence. I started raising my ha nd to re ad at meetings a nd p ay ing closer attenti on to w hat I re ad. I a m not sure w hy or how, but I wanted to work this program more than I wanted to eat

To d ay, the most imp or ta nt thing in my l ife is protecting my recover y. My recover y must come rst, family is second, and work is third. Without recover y, I would probabl y go b ack to e ating a nd mi g ht lose the other things in my l ife Today, I know deep dow n that I am a food add ict w ho, one day at a time, is blessed w ith a n abstinent d ay prov ided I fol low my food plan, work the to ol s of the FA pro g ra m, a nd l i ve the Twelve Steps.

On my rst day in FA, I asked my sponsor how long I would have to do this. Her ans wer wa s, “Just do it for today and c a l l me tomorrow morning ” I also know now that I do not “have” to do this program, I “ get ” to do it. Recover y is a priv i lege.

Anna P Mar yl and , US

A Go o d Dea l

Heal ing from my active food add iction in FA has been an eyeopening journey I came into the program at approximatel y 230 pounds. When I found Program, I was already on a diet, but I was looking for an online communit y to lean on and help me understand how I had spiraled. It wasn ’ t my decision to start a new diet My family inter vened because my relatives were worried about my health and my sudden weight gain (40 pounds). So I decided to lose weight for them and their peace. I didn’t care about myself. I had abandoned myself a long time ago.

In my rst 90 days, things were rough. But I kept doing the program because I was seeing how serene and calm the other fellows were in my meetings. I wanted that so badly. Looking back, I see the bene t of my su ering because it ser ved as motivation to never get back to that place again.

My rst 90 days of abstinence was a period of grieving and yearning for my chaotic food habits. It felt weird, pretentious, and even scar y to say, “ ank you, but I am not eating our and sugar ” I was 24 years old and still frightened of disappointing people. at is why I decided to still check out a food festi-

val that was happening in my v il la ge. e FR EE food festival!

In true Eastern European fashion, there was a lot of entertainment blended with the smell and noise of food stands I was vulnerable and over whelmed. I kept thinking to myself, is is so stupid but also a little bit funny, a food addict going to a food festival is should be a sitcom episode. I kept saying the Serenit y Prayer in my head, even though I was skeptical about spiritualit y at the beginning of my recover y. I felt empt y and saying the prayer seemed like screaming into the void. On the other hand, it was a big rst step that I did unconsciously to search for help. at was me nal l y tr ying to connect with my Higher Power and surrender my food thoughts I didn’t eat that night. I stayed abstinent.

Eight months later, I am gratef ul for that experience I am restoring my body a er losing 60 pounds. I am working my program to the best of my abil it y, and it has trul y changed my life e Serenit y Prayer is forever reminding me of my trip to the food festival and of the still-struggling food addict that I was I don’t have a cr ystal ball so I can ’ t pred ict the f uture. I don’t know how I am going to evolve alongside my food thoughts. But just for today, I will not let food govern my life. By surrendering my addictive eating patterns in FA, I got myself back. Best deal of my life

Alex Z., Romania

We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our a airs.

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Gate w ay to Freedom

Before FA, I wa s broken, desperate, and hated my bod y. I wa s a lso f ul l of self-pit y, self-lo athing , g ui l t, shame, and remorse. Conf usion was a constant state of mind as I had been lost in the mire of my add iction for most of my l ife.

Whi le travel ing in Mex i co, I attended a p otl uck me a l a nd w a s int ro d uced to a woman sitting quietly on a couch. I was eating a pl ate f ul l of non-abstinent fo o d. When she asked how I was doing, I told her how miserable I felt. I was fat and unhappy, and I d idn’t know what to do about it. She told me I should consider joining FA when I returned to the United States. Fortunately, there was a meeting in the cit y where I had been l iv ing , and within several weeks, I attended my rst FA meeting.

S o on a er, I moved to attend g rad uate school in an area where there were no meetings, but the found ation of connections I had built before mov ing was soon to grow as I studied the Twelve Steps in AWOL, attended AA meetings, made outreach cal ls, read literature, prayed, sat still in quiet time, practi ced g ratitude, a nd continued to weigh and measure my food while tal king to my sponsor dail y for nearl y a year. A er completing graduate school, I was hired to work in a new cit y in the eld of ad-

d iction. I continued my course of recover y even though I didn’t have FA meetings near me. A year later, I met a Canadian man who was soon to become my husband. I decided to relo c ate to Ca nad a e ven thoug h there were no FA meetings in that p a r t of the countr y. I was once told that to have something , you must become what you want to attract. So I helped start a meeting and FA has ourished there ever since.

A er ne a r l y ve ye a rs in Ca nad a , I returned to my beloved Mexico and retired. In 2017, Mexico had its rst FA meeting at a l ittle cl ubhouse in the center of tow n where I l ived. Although the meeting continues to b e se a sona l a nd , w ith the p a ndemic, it is not meeting in person, there are still many other FA resources I can draw on to support my recover y.

Living in three countries since joining FA, I continue to embrace recover y and grow in our fel lowshi p. I appreci ate the time ma ny memb ers have g i ven to ma ke FA w hat it is to d ay. As the p a ndemi c ha s changed how we interact, there are many opp or tuniti es for ser v i ce, le adershi p, a nd support with ne w and fresh ideas to reach the lonel y and desperate food add ict. To a large extent, the entire fel lowship wa s unexpectedly thrust onto the frontier, since all

in-person meetings had to close for a time. is is yet another transition FA has grown through.

e advent of onl ine meetings has given me the opportunit y to connect to the fellowshi p in a n unprecedented w ay, w hi ch has deepened my spiritual grow th and development, bro adened my rel ati onshi ps, a nd exp a nded the opp or tunit y to b e of ser v ice.

Change is inev itable and to be expected. O en, l i fe ha s the qua l it y of imp ermanence. Howe ver, recover y is susta inable and manageable when the Twelve Steps are practi ced a s a w ay of l i fe in this b e auti f ul

program. I have been given the gi of abstinence, includ ing a dail y reprieve from the shackles of the d isease of food add iction. I have also been given a design for l iv ing and a sol uti on throug h the Twel ve Steps a nd sug gested d isci pl ines FA ha s de velop ed. ese g uid ing principles and components are a gateway to freedom from the bondage of fo o d add i cti on. e y a l so g i ve me the oppor tunit y to l ive a wel l-ba lanced, d iscipl ined, and structured l ife while no longer being subjected to the su ering and conicts imposed by this devastating il lness. I am wel l and blessed on my journey.

Cynthia W., Mexico

Complete Surrender

When I started FA 15 years ago, I onl y c ame in to lose weig ht and dea l w ith my food problem. What I d idn’t rea l ize wa s that I d idn’t have a weight or food problem. I had a pain problem from past events that pla g ued my mind and invaded my thoughts. I grappled w i t h s e v er a l i s s u e s f ro m my p a s t t h at I d idn’t know how to dea l w ith, and bec ause I d idn’t know how to dea l w ith them, I ate o v er t h em, at tem p t i n g to s t u d o w n t h e pa st and keep it from resur facing the pa in. I d idn’t know how to face my stu fears, i ns e c u r i t i e s , d o u b t s , m a r i t a l p rob l ems , work stress, and d i cult y with raising child ren. I co n ti n ue d re l ap si n g on our a n d suga r, s w ing ing b et ween the ext remes of abstinence and add ictive eating as I denied and hid from my emotional pain.

It took many years of recover y to recognize that I wa s stuck in the pa st pain of my abuse. I began to real ize that the abuse had manifested itself in problems w ith my husb a n d , ch i l d ren, co- wo r kers , a n d my s e l f. I hadn’t dealt e ectivel y with many relationships in my life; I just tried to hide from the pain. As a result of my repressed trauma , I continued eating those foods that cheered me up or comfor ted me for the moment. I didn’t face my problems or work any form

o f a re co v er y p ro g r a m to h e l p m e b et ter cope w ith l ife. Consequentl y, I s w ung bet ween abstinence and food add iction.

A er about 12 years of chronic relapse, I u n e x p e c te d l y l o s t my f at h er. i s , o f course, wa s another pa inf ul event and one that would change the course of my life fore v er. A s o n e m i g h t e x p e c t , I ate o v er t h e d e at h o f my f at h er b e c aus e t h at w a s my pattern of coping w ith l i fe issues. During t h i s t i m e , I w a s u n aw a re o f h o w my co nstant food thoughts, excessive weight gain, and over w hel ming g ri ef c aused me to be em o t i o n a l l y u n av a i l a b l e to t h e p e o p l e i n my l ife. I was total l y clueless about how my food addiction was negatively a ecting my c h i l d ren, sp ous e, m o ther, f a mi l y, a n d friends.

A er about six months of compulsivel y bingeing on ever y available our and sugar product, I looked up one day to realize that I w a sn ’ t w a l king any more. I w a s pa insta ki n g l y wobbl in g a c ro ss t he o o r a n d ha d a d de d a n oth er 3 0 p o u n d s to my a l re a d y 3 0 0 -p ou n d b o d y. Ho w co u ld t hi s hav e h ap p en ed? How d i d I g a i n s o m u c h weight? Truth be told, it happened one cup of sugar and one our product at a time. I fa i led to face the d i cult e vent s that had happened or were happening in my l i fe. I

chose to eat and tried numbing the pa in aw ay. I s o o n re a l i ze d t h at t h e re l i e f w a s onl y temporar y. When the food hig h wa s gone, the problems, pa in, and issues were sti l l there, and so were another 100 or 200 pounds.

e act of brea king my abstinence time and time a gain le me with an obese bod y a nd numerous med i c a l issues. As a fo o d a d d i c t , I h a d m a ny e xc us e s to e at a d d i ct i v e l y a n d t h e s e e xc us e s were en d l e s s. I could a lw ays nd another rea son to stu my f a ce w i t h s o m et h i n g . Ho we v er, I began to realize that eating addictively to m a s k o r n u m b my p a i n w a s n o t g o i n g to help me improve my l i fe. I had to see that my l ife wa s not going to get better if I d i d n ’ t cha nge a nd tr ul y a sk God to help me.

It w a sn ’ t un t i l I to ta l l y s u rren dere d my l ife, my w i l l, my food, my job, my pain, my pa st, my present, my spouse, my chi ldren, my e v er y t hi n g to Go d th at I re ce i v e d God’s miracle. God gave me the miracle

w h en I n a l l y acce pte d t h at “ n ot hin g c ha n g e s i f n o thi n g cha n ge s. ” I b e c a m e w i l l ing to b e w i l l ing to ma ke cha nges in my l i fe. With te a rs in my e yes, a humble hear t, and a w i l l ing spirit, I learned to “let go and let God.” I prayed to God , “Help

m e t h ro u g h my re co v er y j o u r n e y. He l p me face my stu no matter what it is. Help me stop stu ng my face w ith food. God, I surrender all to you. Please take away this compulsion to eat addictively, as I stop eating add ictivel y, just for today.”

Ev en t u a l l y, I n o t i ce d t h at e a c h d ay I chose to face my fears, doubts, insecurities, a nd p a in, I w a s able to avoi d stu ng my face. Each d ay that I chose not to eat add ictivel y gave me another day of freedom

f ro m c h ro n i c ob s e s s i v e f o o d t h o u g h t s. God na l l y produced recover y in my l ife bec ause I learned to completely let go, let g o, a n d t h en l et g o s o m e m o re. My recover y has been a ser i e s o f s u r ren d er s. Completel y surrend er i n g to Go d h a s m a d e a l l t h e d i eren ce in my re cov er y jo u rn e y. To d ay, I’m abstinent and I work the Twelve Steps of my recover y program not the mere one or t wo steps of the program that I was willing to accept. I shattered the i l lusion that I coul d e ver e at n o rm a l l y a g a i n, a n d I thank God for giv ing me a recover y-centered mind and l ife. And because of this, I no longer stu my face w ith food to cope with the pain of life, but I face my stu and experience the miracle of recover y.

Sharond a H., Texas, US

I had to see that my life was not going to get better if I didn’t change and truly ask God to help me.

No Ma g i c Wand

As a d yed-in-the-wool food add ict, I could a nd d i d e at over absol utel y a ny thing . Why not e at over a pandemic, a war, a child acting out, a remodel, or a tra c jam? I was so incapable of experiencing my feel ings that al l I could do w a s eat, shop, smoke, and drink. Food wa s and is my primar y add iction. With 50 p ound s more on my b o d y w hen I w a s younger a nd l ater, 20 ye a rs of bul imi a , I rea l l y had no w ay to cont rol my e ating or my emoti ons. When it c a me to de a l ing w ith my feel ings a nd fr ustrations, I felt l i ke a n exp er t on uncontrol led, unbrid led eating , i f I could d a re to boa st of that dubious d istinction.

I w a sn ’ t accompl ishing much in my l i fe pr i or to joining FA . I could n ’ t complete a ny thing , a nd fol low-throug h w a s not in my vocabular y. I wa s miserable in the food and miserable when I tried and failed at rest r i cting , d i eting , a nd over-exercising . When I c a me into the ro oms of FA a nd saw the bright-eyed, glowing faces of people w ith he a l thy-sized b o d i es up in the

front of the room ta l king about their v ictories weight losses and how they maintain their weight, better marriages, and new jobs or dep a r tures f rom jobs that d i d n ’ t supp or t their recover y I kne w I had landed in a healthy communit y. e FA fellows were warm and welcoming.

I could go on about the merits and promises of this program, but what I’d real l y l ike to share is how FA is c a rr y ing me throug h w hat is probabl y one of our most cha l leng ing times in histor y. I have fel t, a s have ma ny, s ad , isol ated , and frustrated some of the time (okay, may b e a lot of the time) over the chal lenges of l ife. However, I cannot a ord to go dow n the rabbit hole of despair, worr y, and despondenc y. I don’t have time for those stumbling blocks in my recover y. My l ife is f ul ler now because I am a sking my Higher Power, “ What can I do to hel p? What is my next r i g ht acti on? How can I be a good human being and be of ser v ice to others?”

In my acti ve fo o d add i cti on, I had no

Now, as a direct result of having a loving power and strength in my life, I can focus on the true meaning of the Serenit y Prayer. I can live, daily, in the solution.

hope. What I have been g i ven in recover y is the oppor tunit y to de velop and deepen my re l a t i o n s h i p w i t h my Hi g h e r Po w e r. Now, a s a d irect resul t of hav ing a lov ing p ower a nd st reng th in my l i fe, I c a n fo cus o n t h e t r u e m e a n i n g o f t h e S e re n i t y Pr a y er. I c a n l i v e , d a i l y, i n t h e s o l u t i o n . I f e e l b et ter a b o u t my s e l f p hy s i c a l l y, m ent a l l y, a n d s p i r i t u a l l y. Th e p l a n t h a t my Hi g h er Po wer h a s i n m i n d f o r m e i s n o t a l w ays cle a r, but w hat is cle a r is my p a r ti ci p ati on in it. What this enta i l s is wei g hing a nd me a sur ing my fo o d to the exact deci m a l p o i n t . No b i te s , l i c k s , o r t a s te s . I p h o n e f e l l o w s i n Pro g r a m to c h e c k o n them and let them know w hen something is t r ul y b othersome in my l i fe. We do this l ife together, a s cra zy a s it may seem sometimes, minus the suga r, f lour, a nd qua ntiti es. I feel free, rel a xed , and w i l l ing to hel p w h ere v er I c a n. Th i s i s my s er v i ce to my fel lows.

When I consi der my time in FA, incl uding the joys a nd cha l lenges, I re a l ize w hat a journe y this l i fe of recover y ha s b een. I w ish I could wave a ma g ic wand and ma ke a l l the d i ff i cul t times go aw ay, but since I h av e n o c o n t ro l o v e r t h a t , I l o o k to s e e e a c h d a y w h a t I c a n d o. Ab s t i n en c e a n d a l l our hel pf ul to ol s ma ke the most cha lleng ing situati ons doable. Tod ay in my reco v er y, n o t h i n g i s wo r t h t a k i n g t h e f i r s t add i cti ve bite. Nothing . Kat C., California, US

Twelve Traditions

Our common welfare should come rst; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

Each group should be autonomous except in matters a ecting other groups or FA as a whole.

Each group has but one primary purpose –to carry its message to the food addict who still su ers.

An FA group ought never endorse, nance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and lms.

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

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Dreaded Dentist’s Cha ir

Ihave had the same dentist and hygienist for years. Both are friendly, kind, and gentle people who are skilled at what they do. But I always dreaded my appointments because of my poor dental hygiene and bleeding gums. ose cleanings were gruesome ordeals, a er which I’d promise to do better, but inside I knew I’d fail.

My struggles with food addiction and eating out of control ever y night le me too tired to take care of my teeth. I’d just barely brush and never oss, then fall asleep exhausted a er a binge. I hadn’t taken care of myself and certainly not my teeth.

ese dental appointments were scar y for another reason. I had gained so much weight that I could barely squeeze into the dentist’s chair. My poor hygienist had to really stretch and maneuver to get around my large upper body in an attempt to examine my mouth. An awful fear gripped me back then. What would happen if the dental chair actually broke because of my weight? I was so heav y and getting bigger each visit! e dentist’s chair must have a weight limit, I thought! e humiliation and fear I felt were awful. I could only imagine how morti ed I would be if the thing I dreaded most happened in the dentist’s ofce!

But this year ’ s visit would be di erent. I had

been in the FA program and abstinent for the last 50 days. No longer was I exhausted from staying up late overeating. Now, I go to bed early, have plent y of energ y, and brush and oss t wice a day just like I’d always wanted to do. I’d lost about 30 pounds, and I continued to practice a healthier way of living. I value my body and brush and oss my teeth daily.

During a recent visit to the dentist’s o ce, I was again confronted with the dreaded dental chair! is time, I got into the chair easily, with a grace that I had never experienced when I was heavier. I t in the chair with room to spare! e hygienist had no awkward straining this time to reach my mouth. As she cleaned my teeth, she exclaimed in surprise, “ Your teeth and gums are in great shape!” at ’ s something I had never heard in all the years I’d been going to the dentist.

e dentist did a double take at the door as he followed up with his exam. Both the dental hygienist and the dentist con rmed the amazing changes that have taken place in me not only in my oral health but also in my physical health! I owe these dramatic changes to FA. Cutting out our and sugar and taking care of myself has made all the di erence in my life. As long as I am abstinent in FA, I never have to fear the dentist’s chair again!

Pamela H., Florida, US

Just Li ke Home

Iam a food addict. I was born a food addict, and I will die one. What I do with my life is a choice. But when I live in the solution and choose recover y, I have a shot at a great life. I choose to live in the solution. is simple fact became clear to me when I traveled to another countr y for a vacation. I was still new to FA, and my husband had planned our “bucket list” trip. I shared this news with my newly formed friends in FA. I was feeling con dent in my abilit y to practice the tools but was still ner vous about my abstinence. My fellows gave me contacts of fellows who lived where I was going, and I began to call them weeks before my departure. I was only able to connect with t wo people prior to leaving. As a result, I was ver y apprehensive. I packed four weighed and measured meals to sustain me until I arrived at my destination. I got the day, time, and address of an FA meeting that was being held within an hour of our arrival. When the plane landed, I deposited my luggage at the hotel and handed a cab driver the address of the FA meeting. I was about 20 minutes late for the meeting, and yet I immediately felt at home. People smiled and waved when I took my seat. At the break, a fellow handed me an abstinent lunch and told me that she would guide me to the fellowship meal a er the meeting. During the

break, many of the members introduced themselves, welcoming me to their beautiful cit y. What an incredible fellowship.

e following day, someone picked me up to take me to another meeting. Again, people introduced themselves and took me to yet another fellowship gathering. Another fellow drove me back so that I wouldn’t get lost in this foreign city. Before I le , people asked for my phone number and then called me throughout the remainder of my stay in their countr y. God gave me what I needed.

But it doesn’t end there. I boarded a “ oating bu et ” also known as a cruise ship. My fellows prepared me to ask for exactly what I needed for my meals. e sta on the boat provided me with clean, abstinent food. I attended AA meetings on the ship and identied as a food addict. I shared my experience, strength, and hope. Later in my trip, I was able to meet another FA member who graciously welcomed me into her home, provided me with abstinent meals, and took me to a meeting. I don’t know what other program has this level of fellowship. I don’t think I would have ever asked for this much love and compassion, but I have received it freely. is is truly the meaning of “God doing for me what I could not do for myself ” .

Change of Attitude

La s t n i g h t , o n t h e w a y h o m e f ro m my FA meeting , I w a s pul led over by a p ol i ce off i cer b ec ause one of my t a i l l i g h t s w a s o u t . I re ce i v e d a “f i x- i t ” ti cket, w hi ch me a nt I had 24 hours to get the ta i l l i g ht f i xed , or I would have to p ay the f ine. I w a s fami l iar w ith this procedure b e c a u s e I h a d recei ved t wo pre v i ous f i x- i t t i c k e t s o n t h e w a y h o m e f ro m t h e s a me meeting . I w a s a n x i o u s a n d f r u strated that I had gotte n p u l l e d o v e r a n d w o u l d h av e to change the next day’s p l a n s to g e t t h e c a r f i xed.

Fo r t u n a te l y, I h a d FA f e l l o w s w h o c o u l d c o r re c t my “stinkin’ thinkin’.” In FA , I l e a r n e d to a s k God for help and to ma ke c a l l s in times of s t re s s . B e c a u s e I w a s w i l l i n g to c a l l a n d t a l k a b o u t my p rob l em, I w a s a s k e d v er y g o o d q u e s t i o n s l i k e , “ D o y o u h av e t h e money to pay for the repair?” and “Do you h av e t i m e to g et t h e re p a i r d o n e to d ay ? ”

Ye s , I h a d t h e m o n e y a n d t h e t i m e . Th e onl y thing I needed to cha nge w a s my attitude.

R i g h t n o w , I a m s i t t i n g i n my c a r, i n a p a r king lot, w a iting for a p a r t to b e del i vered to my mecha ni c so he c a n rep a ir my t a i l l i g h t . It h a s b e en a v er y l o n g w a i t . In my d i s e a s e , I w o u l d have gone to a store, b o u g h t t re a t s to comfor t myself, a nd t h e n I w o u l d h av e e a te n t h e m a l l . Inste ad , I a m sp end ing time ma king c a l l s to FA f e l l o w s a n d d o i n g s e r v i c e b y w r iting this a r ti cle.

To d ay, I c h o o s e to see this a s a n opp ort u n i t y i n s te a d o f a problem I have l ittle cont rol over. Tha nk y o u , G o d , f o r t h e wise fel lows you have blessed me with, and for g i v ing me the w i l l ing ness to c a l l them, h e a r t h e i r w i s d o m , a n d t r y a n o p t i o n I had n ’ t consi dered. I a m g ratef ul that I a m not a lone. Peg g y W., New York , US

In my disease, I would have gone to a store, bought treats to comfort myself, and then I would have eaten them all. Instead, I am spending time making calls to FA fellows and doing service by writing this article.

e Voice

Pr i or to getting into recover y, the onl y tool I thoug ht would get me to stop e ating suga r a nd our w a s my willpower. at did not work. e truth wa s that I had no d iscipl ine around my inta ke of suga r a nd our. Once I ate something sugar y, I would physi c a l l y c rave more a nd menta l l y obsess over w hether I had enoug h of it. But I would not ad mit this to myself.

I had b een wor king a s a resi denti a l mor t ga ge o cer for a major Ne w Yor k Cit y b a nk.

e job required that I wor k 12 hours a d ay, Monday through Friday, and half days on Saturd ays a nd Sund ays. A promoti on si g ni c a ntl y red uced my hours, but my fo o d add i cti on w a s a l re ad y going f ul l steam. I ate our and sugar a er lunch, a er

d inner, a nd then w hi le w atching T V through the evening. Eventual l y, I wa s eating desser t a er brea kfa st and during the entire day. I would tel l myself to just take a smal l sl ice a s if that wa s going to solve the problem. But then I’d keep eating sl ivers unti l the w hole thing wa s gone. Dur ing this p er i o d of unchecked fo o d add i cti on, I ga ined 80 p ound s. My do ctor w a s ver y concerned. He kept tel l ing me my joint s were going to su er, but I w a s a rro ga nt a nd told myself that bec ause I had ne ver e x p e r i e n c e d w e i g h t - r e l a t e d he a l th issues, I need n ’ t worr y. What I wouldn’t admit to anyone was that I was beginning to fear getting d iabetes. en c ame a major w a ke-up c a l l. I took my sister g ro cer y shopping since she w a s

XANDRA G., CA

recovering from an operation. In the store, she went her way and I went mine. When we reconvened at the ca shier, I noticed she had a cart f ul l of healthy food. My cart wa s al l sugar and our items; no protein, fruit, or vegetables, just our and sugar over owing f rom the c a r t. ere w a s not one he a l thy thing! I rememb er thinking , You have a se rious proble m.

en I pro ceeded to purcha se these items, ta ke them home, and eat. Al l of them.

On the next v isit to the doctor, I told him that I thoug ht I gured out w hat w a s w rong with me, that I could n ’ t stop e ating sugar and our product s. He expl a ined , “

Within

FA meetings, I made a stunning discover y. e nast y voice in my head that was constantly berating me ever y hour of the day was gone.

e y have programs for people l i ke you. Go onl ine a nd get yourself a sp onsor. ” I went onl ine and found FA .

I got a sponsor at my ver y rst meeting. Within a week of attend ing FA meetings, I made a stunning d iscover y. e na st y voice in my head that was constantl y berating me e ver y hour of the d ay w a s gone. I could n ’ t b el i e ve it! I kept w a iting for the shadow y par t of myself to go out and get the sugar and our product s, but it ne ver happened.

Six months into the program, anksgiving a rr i ved. I w a s inv ited to celebrate the hol iday at my niece’s home, and w hen the desser t s were ser ved , I w a s g r i pp ed w ith fe a r, af ra i d I would e at them. I a sked my ni ece i f she’d mind i f I le the ro om. She said that was ne with her. But a voice in my head said, is is a family holiday Stay and be present. As I took my se at, my e yes went to the desser t s, and I heard the interna l voi ce s ay, i s i s not my food

For ve years I had tried unsuccessf ul l y to get these resul t s. Without a doubt, my Hi g her Power w a s doing for me what I could not do for myself. ese were al l miracles.

Fol low ing my sp onsor ’ s sug gesti ons, attending meetings, weighing and measuring my food, tal king to FA members dail y on the phone, and practicing prayer and meditati on e ver y d ay slow l y taug ht me a ne w way to l ive. My l ife wa s getting better. I lost 80 pounds.

Today, I do not rely solely on myself. I rely on my Hi g her Power. Even for the l ittle things.

Kathr yn W., New York , US

a week of attending

Asking for Hel p

We were staying with my son ’ s family for Christmas. e toilet next to our bedroom was running and my husband decided to include our 4-year-old grandson in the process of xing it. He explained the inner workings of the toilet and let the youngster hand him the tools he needed. ey rigged up a temporar y x. My grandson was fascinated with the whole procedure. He loved being one of the guys, working with his grandfather to x a problem. When I asked him what they were doing, he said, “ We’re plumbing!”

A er ward, he wandered into the bedroom where I was taking my quiet time. When he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was sitting quietly and asking God for help. He lit up and said, “ You can ask other people for help, too. Papa can x toilets with a coat hanger!”

Susan D., Maine, US

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the di erence.