Kao i sve slobodne djevojke / All adventurous women do

TANJA Å LJIVAR

KAo I sVe sLobodNe dJeVoJKe

Tanja Å ljivar

KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

Biblioteka MESS Tanja Šljivar: Kao i sve slobodne djevojke Naslov originala: Kao i sve slobodne djevojke Izdavač: J.U.MES - Međunarodni teatarski festival - Scena MESS Za izdavača: Nihad Kreševljaković Prevoditeljica: Aida Spahić Lektura i korektura: Hana Bajrović Urednik: Recenzenti: Nihad Kreševljaković Dizajn: Bojan Mustur DTP: Sanja Kulenović Štampa: Tiraž: 300 Rad J.U. MES - Međunarodnog teatarskog festivala - Scene Izdavanje knjige pomogla Fondacija za izdavaštvo Sarajevo.

Tanja Å ljivar

KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

Sarajevo, 2019.

Polazna tačka za dramski tekst „Kao i sve slobodne djevojke” je istinit događaj o kome je, krajem 2014. godine, izvještavano u bosanskim i internacionalnim medijima - slučaj „kolektivne trudnoće” sedam bosanskih tinejdžerki tokom kratke školske ekskurzije. Sedam trinaestogodišnjih djevojčica, sedam scena i sedam monologa čine formalno - tematski okvir drame, u kojoj je nepouzdanost sjećanja i iskaza djevojčica jedina konstanta. Testovi za trudnoću, Skype, Instagram, srpski turbofolk i američki pop, njihove babe, kritička teorija, šovinistička pornografija, patrijarhalna kaljuža malog mjesta, abortusi i proždiranje mesa su neka od tematskih čvorišta teksta. „Kao i sve slobodne djevojke“ je dramski tekst o neophodnosti da se ode drugdje da bi se u potpunosti realizovala sopstvena seksualnost, o neophodnosti da se ode drugdje da bi se odlučivalo o sopstvenom tijelu, o neophodnosti da se ode drugdje da bi se odlučivalo o sopstvenom životu.

U drami, i na nivou jezika, autorica istražuje šta se desi kada grupa tinejdžerki odluči da promijeni patrijarhalni koncept nuklearne porodice, da imaju seks, zatrudne, abortiraju i zbog toga budu izopštene iz društva. Djevojčicama je to sve svejedno, jer tom društvu nikad nisu nimeću kao grupi, a ne kao pojedincima, pa su i njihovi brzi dijalozi zamišljeni kao horski dijelovi. Zvučna sličnost njihovih imena također upućuje na prikaz njih kao grupe, hora.

Vrijednost djela je i u činjenici da je autorica, Tanja Šljivar, duže vrijeme istraživala te, po vlastitoj tvrdnji, „bila fascinirana načinom na koji tinejdžerke u Bosni pričaju međusobno”, pa se zbog toga posvetila dubljem istraživanju njihovog govora u drami „Kao i sve slobodne djevojke”. Taj govor formiran je kroz nekoliko različitih uticaja - ulični jezik mladih, internet sleng, te način govora njihovih majki i tetki. To stvara začudan efekat, poput razgovora o Miley Cyrus ili Taylor Swift na jeziku dijelom prisvojenom od nezaposlenih, neobrazovanih žena srednjih godina, a dijelom od muškog šovinističkog diskursa ulice.

Autorica je pokušala da realizam govora tinejdžerki postepeno promijeni u stilizovani govor, koji je dijelom pod uticajem

diskursa kritičke teorije, kojoj većina djevojčica vjerovatno nikada nije bila izložena, a dijelom pod uticajem svih drugih već navedenih režima govora, kojima su one konstantno okružene.

Njihov govor je šokantan u svojoj brzini i temama i očiglednoj tuzi. Njihovi monolozi se djelimično ponavljaju, ali su i različitog sadržaja i tona, u zavisnosti od djevojke koja ga izgovara. Neke djevojke su oduševljene i uzbuđene događajima koje opisuju, a neke su više uznemirene, pa je nepouzdanost njihovog sveukupnog kolektivnog i pojedinačnog sjećanja očigledna.

Djevojčice u monolozima izražavaju različite ideje, kao što su mogućnosti kolektivnog odgoja beba, života u nenormativnim zajednicama, pa čak i mogućnosti muške trudnoće i muškog dojenja. Ove djevojčice su očigledno bile žrtve patrijarhata, ali one nisu ovladale jezikom za razgovor o tome, stoga nastavljaju da govore o američkim pop i bosanskim turbo-folk zvijezdama i poslije svega što im se desilo. Autorica je za sam kraj odabrala da on bude osnažujući i oslobađajući u drami, iako to najvjerovatnije nije bio u stvarnom životu. U posljednjoj sceni ove drame, sve djevojčice su se još jednom okupile u jednoj od djevojačkih soba - gdje su ležale jedne drugima na praznim stomacima i pretvarale se da spoljašnji svijet ne postoji.

Povodom sličnog slučaja kolektivne tinejdžerske trudnoće u državi Massachusetts u SAD, Nina Power piše: „Lakše je zamisliti kraj svijeta, nego zamisliti kraj nuklearne porodice.”

U ovom tekstu autorica je izabrala baviti se izuzetno važnom, a društveno zapostavljenom temom. Definitivno je uspjela u svom cilju da napiše cjelovečernju dramu koja, prije svega, govori o društvenom problemu mizoginije, koja pruža otpor svim historijskim i geografskim granicama do danas, i zato vjerujem da ovaj tekst može da funkcioniše unutar mnogo različitih teatarskih i društvenih konteksta i izvan Bosne i Hercegovine.

Njegovo objavljivanje važno je i u funkciji afirmiranja rada jedne istaknute mlade umjetnice, ali i kao tema koja ima sposobnost pokrenuti širu društvenu raspravu.

Dino Mustafić

KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

dramski tekst o jednom pokuĹĄaju slobode u malom gradu

LICA: Imena djevojčica i imena scena su identična, a svaka djevojčica ima po jednu scenu sa svojim imenom: Ana, 13 Ena, 13 Ina, 13 Ona, 13 Una, 13 Lea, 13 Mia, 13

Sve djevojčice su sve vrijeme na sceni. Imaju okruglaste stomake i okruglaste glave i oči i usta. Stomake miluju i ustima otpuhuju, kako to već rade trudnice. Stomake miluju iako su već rodile. Stomake miluju čak i ako su već abortirale. Stomake miluju iako nikada nisu ni bile trudne. Upadaju jedna drugoj u riječ ako je znakom ( ) to već tako naznačeno, kikoću se, slušaju Rihannu i Taylor i Marinu and The Diamonds. Nose duge crne haljine kao u grčkim tragedijama, pletu jedne drugima duge kose u pletenice, šminkaju se, stavljaju krastavce na oči, šmrču spid ako ga ima, ukratko – bivaju mladim djevojkama. *Broj performerki/performera koji/e čitaju/izvode tekst na sceni može da varira od jedan do neodređeno, u zavisnosti od koncepta izvedbe. Dešava se sada i ovdje, u pozorištu, u sedam okruglih punih toplih djevojačkih usta, kao i u sedam okruglih punih toplih djevojačkih utroba.

Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

1. ANA ANA: Vjeroučitelj nam pušta audio traku. Loš je snimak pa se prvo smijemo jer nešto zakrči i zamalo nam probije četrnaestoro ušiju. Nas sedam smo u prvom redu, u klupama, jer nam je on konj rek’o ‘ajte vi u prvi red djeco, a mi uvijek sjedimo u zadnjem, normalno. Ena Uni sjedi u krilu, a mi sve ostale jedna do druge, k’o i uvijek. I svi ostali iz razreda nam gledaju u sedmoro leđa. Ja imam majicu bez leđa pa mi je drago jer svi gledaju kako mi je kosa kao slučajno pala preko kičmenog stuba i lijepih stiješnjenih pršljenova mojih. Dajem Ini telefon da mi fotka leđa da vidim je l’ dobro pao pramen po sredini; nije baš, malo popravljam.

Traka opet jezivo zagrebe po naših četrnaestoro ušnih bubnjića, vjeroučitelj ne zna baš da rukuje kompom, a ni USB-om. Ina onda ustaje, drži ajfon u ruci, sa mojom fotkom na ekranu, drugom mu isklika nešto po tastaturi i snimak počinje, sad više ne krči. Sa audio mp3 fajla koji se zove „To nije izbor to je dijete“ govori nam ni pet, ni šest, već fetus. Kada fetus kaže naslov, kada fetus kaže TO, kada kaže da TO nije izbor da je TO dijete, mi ne znamo tačno da li misli na nas da li misli na sebe da li misli na vjeroučitelja kad je bio dijete da li misli na naše roditelje i nas ili na naše roditelje kao nečiju djecu da li misli na našu djecu koju nećemo roditi ili na našu djecu koju ćemo roditi ili na našu djecu što sad rastu u nama ali nisu pustila korijenje i mi ćemo ih lako najlakše iščupati.

Nismo znale kad kaže TO na šta misli, ali sa trake je učionicom odjekivalo primordijalno vriskanje, vrištanje, vrisak iz naših sedam utroba iščupanog fetusa. Fetus kaže: „Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama nemoj to da mi radiš. Boli me, boli me! Otkidaš mi nogicu, otkidaš mi rukicu, otkidaš mi glavicu, boli me. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.“ Fetus to kaže, a mi ipak ne razumijemo kako on to govori kad znamo da smo mi progovorile kako koja, ali ne prije prve svjećice 17

Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

na torti. Nekima je i mnogo duže trebalo, a tek da formulišemo riječi poput: ubistvo djece čedomorstvo pravo na život, naša pravoslavna djeco kotite se okotite se razmnožavajte se svjetlo gospoda je sa vama čedo vaše čedo vaše vrišti… Kako je to fetus naučio, te komplikovane riječi; mi to ne razumijemo, ali ipak slušamo. „Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaa mama, mama, mama, ja neću napolje.“ On neće, al’ mi ‘oćemo. Ustaje Ena ustaje Ina ustaje Ona ustaje Una ustaje Lea ustaje i Mia i ja ustajem; jedna po jedna ustajemo i svaka izlazi i za sobom zalupi vrata. Fetus kaže: „Masakr nerođenih je masakr nevinih“, i Ena zalupi vrata i poklopi ga. Fetus kaže: „Ustajanje protiv samog sebe i protiv svetinje života“, i Ina zalupi vrata i fetus mora da začepi. Fetus sa trake skiči kao prase i sve ga redom poklapamo: „Umukni glupane pokrij se po ušima ako ih uopšte i imaš, ubij se, ako nećeš sam mi hoćemo.“ Fetus nam još govori da je po Vujakliji eugenika (grč. eu dobar, genea potomstvo) jedna od najvažnijih grana socijalne politike: rasna higijena, tj. nauka o uslovima koji vode stvaranju tjelesno i društveno zdravog potomstva, odnosno koji sprječavaju rađanje nezdravog i za život nesposobnog potomstva. Pa opet kaže: „Mama, mama, šta se dešava? Bilo je toplo i mračno i okruglo, sklupčan sam, sad me komadaš i bacaš u kantu za smeće na tvrdo i hladno“, i ja zalupim vratima. Više ga ne čujemo. Ispred škole pušimo. Idemo stazicom do ulice, do mjesta gdje prolaze automobili zapravo i idemo u apoteku kažemo ženi: „Sedam testova za trudnoću, molim Vas.“ „Koliko hoćete šta? Imate li vi recept djeco? Imate li ličnu kartu?“ „Sedam na kurcu te nosam. Čula si kravo sve ‘oćemo po test. Inače sve dijelimo jedna s drugom, ali neću sad baš pišati po testu zapišanom već vlažnom i mokrom.“ „Dobro evo sedam testova. To je djevojke trideset šest zarez osamdeset konvertibilnih maraka.“ Skupljamo pare šuškamo zvečimo. Odakle nam te repa. Koga briga, izvolite doviđenja doviđenja.

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Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

(ENA: Ja ću prva da se popišam, jer sam se prva jebala.

MIA: Ja ću druga.

INA (kuca na vrata wc-a): ‘Alo bolan nisi jedina trudna, požuri. ) ANA: Ja pišam po cvijeću dan i noć se zove cvijeće da mogu da pišam, ja bi’ pišala i dan i noć u nekoj alejici iskopana cvjetna leja ima zdravih sastojaka u mojoj pišaći možda će cvijeće još bolje uspjeti neko prolazi, cokće. Ja gledam test čekamo sve čekamo i četrnaest debelih četrnaest debelih lijepih crta crvenih crta na plastici se pojavljuje istovremeno, to je prelijep čaroban prizor to je čudo života rastu crte sve zajedno prvo nije bilo ništa odjednom je nešto nismo imale ništa ni jedna od nas nije imala ništa i sad evo odjednom imamo nešto imamo sve, sve imamo sve, na malom bijelom pravougaoniku odjednom su dvije paralelne linijice crvene ljubimo jedna drugu crkosmo od sreće odjednom bacamo koske, kažem: „Čestitam biću ti kuma jesi li već smislila ime ko je otac djeteta jebote ko je stari?“ (ONA: Evo meni je samo jedna crta izašla. Jesam prokleta, šta?

UNA: Blago tebi, meni baš i nije do ovoga.)

ANA: Idemo dalje ulicom koja stvarno nije ulica već prašnjava memletina i kaljuža i najradije bih se skinula gola ali skidam jaknu idemo do parka pušimo pripaljuje mi Ona cigaru, Ona je sjebana jer joj je izašla samo jedna crta a TO ništa ne znači kažemo joj sve.

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Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

(INA: TO ti ništa ne znači, ne boj se.)

Sjedimo na klupi i sjedimo na stazi betonskoj, ispod klupe prehladićemo se ali koga boli kurac dobro, sad moramo misliti da će nas uskoro biti četrnaest to je lijep broj još ako Ona nije trudna biće nas trinaest, još ljepši to je najljepši broj kao naše godine sjedimo nas sedam tri na klupi čet’ri na stazi betonskoj u desnim rukama držimo upaljene cigare u lijevim rukama testove za trudnoću i gledamo ispred nas ispred sebe gledamo šta nam dolazi novi životi koje ćemo mi da donesemo novi životi će nam se desiti sedam novih života njihovih najnovijih i još sedam naših koji će isto biti novi samim tim što nam se desilo tako nešto veliko i važno. Gledamo ispred sebe i vidimo sedam ustašaca kako nam pužu do četrnaestoro sisa i mnogo pelena koje kupujemo i peremo zajedno dobivamo uvijek popuste jer kupujemo na veliko i razmjenjujemo savjete i recepte razmjenjujemo i djecu šta je bitno koje je čije sve vidimo tamo u daljini, sve vidimo tamo ispred nas samo naša tijela ne vidimo ona su promijenila obrise bila su tanka kao sad u ovom trenutku dok sjedimo na klupi i dok sjedimo na stazi betonskoj ispod klupe bila su tanka pa su se zaoblila i onda izobličila i više nismo mogle da ih vidimo a sve ostalo na horizontu bilo je kristalno čisto blistavo i jasno.

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Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

2. ENA ENA: Una i ja prolazimo kroz park kroz tri velike ulice preko nečega što imitira auto-put kroz pješačku zonu pored potoka kroz livadu sa suhim čičcima pored naše škole pored parkinga i preko mosta da bismo napokon došle do šoping centra. U šoping centru obilazimo sve butike od podruma do trećeg sprata sve već napamet znamo sportski šopovi donji veš prodavnica marama i tunika prodavnica torbi Mango Zara Azel Second hand… Tu probavamo trudničke haljine fotkam Unu u kabini ona sija stvarno k’o prava trudnica rumeni se. Šaljem fotku Lei i Mii Mia tipka: „Malo je rano za to bolje idite, probajte u Sport Visionu Nike Roshe One iD roze patike što su jučer stigle što nam je prodavačica sačuvala sedam pari pa mi šaljite fotku toga a ne ove haljinčine.“ Lift a ni pokretne stepenice u tržnom centru trenutno ne rade, tu je jedna mama sa kolicima malo starija od nas, Una i ja bez riječi uprtimo kolica nosimo ih sa prizemlja na prvi sprat. Mlada mama kaže: „Hvala cure.“, kaže: „vi ste carice, bravo cure, tako će i vama jednog dana zatrebati.“ (ENA i UNA: Taj dan je već za osam mjeseci gospođo, al’ dobro.)

Jedemo pljeskavicu neku na brzinu ližemo sladoled poslije svega. Ližemo sladoled i vraćamo se preko mosta pored parkinga i naše škole i kroz livadu sa čičcima tu smo već pojele sladolede Una kaže da nije baš sigurna oko ovog svega.

(UNA: Ne znam baš za tu djecu i to.)

Kroz pješačku zonu mlataramo kesama što smo kupile po jedan par rastezljivih trudničkih tajica u šoping centru. Prolazi Rope: „Đe si“, „Đe si“. Idemo preko nečeg što imitira auto-put u susret nam ide neki matori biciklista dobacuje nam krevelji se vrišti.

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Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

(BICKLISTA: Baš ste vas dvije sestre lijepe.

UNA i ENA: Nismo mi sestre.

BICIKLISTA: Niste ni lijepe.

UNA i ENA: Srušio se s bicikla dabogda.)

U parku Una kaže da je njen deda radio tu u blizini u mašinbravarskoj radnji i da je baba uvijek šetala sa mamom kad je mama bila još mala i da su pokušavale da ga vide, a da on nešto nije bio zainteresovan da vidi njih pa se stalno krio. Una kaže da je i njen tata radio tu pored u računovodstvu i mama i ona su se kad je Una bila mala tuda stalno šetkale po parku ne bi li ga srele, a isto ni on baš nešto nije htio da ih vidi i sad razmišlja hoće li i ona tako sa kćerkom da se voda za ruku pa da misli hoće li je Đole kulirati il’ neće.

(UNA: Tako da nam je najbolje da se ovoga riješimo.)

ENA: „Kada tvoja kćerka bude tek naučila da hoda i kada je ti uhvatiš za ruku oko vas će biti mjehur. Oko vas će se formirati neprobojni mjehur i kad si s njom niko ti ništa neće moći i jebe ti se živo ‘oće li te Đole kulirati il’ neće. A onda ćemo tu biti i ja i moja kćerka i Ana i njena i Ina i njena i Ona, ali dobro za nju još ne znamo da li će dobiti kćerku ili neće Lea i Mia i njihove kćerke i sve ćemo se uhvatiti za ruke i svi će nam se sklanjati sa puta“, to ja kažem Uni. Una vadi nalaz iz džepa sjedimo na klupi u parku prevruće je da se tu predugo zadržimo čita ga naglas. Na nalazu piše: „Cervix konična rubno crvenilo oskudna cervikalna sekrecija Uterus normalne veličine pokretan neosjetljiv područje adnexa

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Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

neosjetljiva parametrija slobodna. Vulvoskopija vestibularna papilomatza zona transformacije zatvorenog tipa nalaz: graviditet, sedma nedjelja.“ Una kaže da joj je doktorica rekla da svi znaju, na primjer, da djeca nemaju seks zbog čega nam je zabranjeno da pričamo o tome, zbog čega se zatvaraju oči i začepljaju uši kada god djeca dođu i pokažu dokaze za suprotno i zbog čega se nameće tišina, potpuna i smišljena. I da joj je doktorica na ultrazvuku rekla: „Nemoguće da si ti trudna kako si trudna dijete drago ovo moram još provjeriti.“ Doktorica trlja oči i čačka uši prstom i gura još dublje sondetinu podmazanu gelom i na ekranu je nešto bezoblično, a obje čujemo: „Tikataka tika-taka tika-taka tika-taka.“ Kuca srce a nije ni moje nije ni njeno ipak kuca i obje čačkamo uši, i dalje: „Tika-taka tika-taka.“ Neću da plačem pred njom ne bih sad zaplakala nema boga a ona kaže: „Ovo ti vjerovatno nećeš moći iznijeti trudnoću. Možeš roditi mrtvorođenče možeš roditi nedonošče može ti odojče zahvatiti rana ili kasna faza urođenog sifilisa ne znam kako ćeš roditeljima na oči kako ćeš tom momku reći šta ste mislili puše vam kroz glavu. Zabrinjavajuće je da djevojčice od trin’est godina imaju seks ali to je očigledno trend danas. Ne ne ne ovo ipak nije istina ti si mala pa ja u tvojim godinama, nazovi me primitivnom konzervativnom, ali seks sa 13 godina ne mogu da podržim vidi šta ćeš kod mene više nećeš dolaziti ja ti ovo neću voditi prekinuti savjetovati pomoći gledati slušati otkucaje srca preporučiti prehranu, idi u dom zdravlja meni na oči više ne izlazi.“ To sve kaže meni Una da njoj kaže doktorica.

(UNA: Poslala me u pičku materinu manje-više.)

ENA: Ja sam eto baš imala sreće, moja je doktorica bila nasmijana vedra susretljiva i spremna da pomogne našla sam je na ludipopust.ba pregled koji košta 15 maraka i 100% utvrđuje trudnoću al’ bez Papa testa al’ ko da mi to sad sve i treba šta sad. Doktorica mene nije poslala u pičku materinu nego ona

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kaže meni da se radujem jer sam blagodarna blagoslovljena među ženama blagoslovljen je i plod utrobe moje. Ja joj kažem: „Nisam samo ja trudna nego i mojih šest prijateljica pitam čisto informativno jesu li i one blagodarne blagoslovljene kao i plodovi njihovih utroba.“ Doktorica mi daje šest vizitki kaže, ne može ništa unaprijed da tvrdi i mora po cijeni od 15 konvertibilnih maraka bez Papa testa ali sa stopostotnim utvrđivanjem trudnoće na pregledu da provjeri koliko je koja od mojih prijateljica blagodarna blagoslovljena i jesu li im plodovi blagoslovljeni i zdravi. Doktorica kaže da razumije da smo mi mlade, bijele žene: „Ja razumijem da ste zajedno pričale zajedno odlučile o trudnoći da je za vas to pozitivna stvar.“ Doktorica kaže da su skromnost pristojnost čestitost sramota pojmovi koje mi djeca ne razumijemo i ne primjenjujemo u svakodnevnoj našoj životnoj praksi. Ja kažem: „Razumijemo mi samo ih mi doktorice drugačije definišemo.“ Onda doktorica kaže: „Ja savršeno razumijem ja znam, naravno, i djeca imaju svoju seksualnost ne možemo se, to nikako, vraćati na one stare predstave o djeci kao čistoj o djeci kao onima koji ne znaju šta je seksualnost. Ja savršeno razumijem ali svi mi ljekari medicinski radnici psihijatri psiholozi znamo također znamo savršeno dobro znamo da je dječja seksualnost specifična seksualnost sa svojim sopstvenim oblicima i formama, sa svojim sopstvenim periodima sazrijevanja i vrhuncima, sa svojim sopstvenim nagonima i periodima latentnosti. To je nevina teritorija, seksualna teritorija naravno, ali teritorija koja mora sačuvati svoju nevinost. Mi odrasli ćemo dakle na toj teritoriji intervenisati kao garanti njenog suvereniteta kao garanti te specifičnosti dječje seksualnosti da bismo je zaštitili. Na kraju, djeca moraju biti zaštićena od sopstvenih želja pa ćemo se mi prosvjetni radnici doktori roditelji boriti sa onanisanjem djece kao sa epidemijom koja se mora iskorijeniti do samog kraja ali ti dušo reci slobodno drugaricama da dođu kod mene ja ću vam trudnoće svima do kraja voditi.“

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(UNA: Pa bolje da sve onda odemo kod te tvoje.)

Pišemo im brzo: „Našle smo doktoricu ‘oće svima da nam vodi trudnoće bez problema.“ Ana Ina Ona Lea i Mia se raduju, kažu: „Strava.“ Kažu: „Šalji broj da zakazujemo.“ Tipkam. „Uzela sam vam vizitke opušteno.“ Vruće je i uskoro ćemo morati da se dignemo sa klupe u parku ali za sada još na njoj sjedimo.

Uglavnom, ne mogu da kažem da je meni i Uni u parku ovdje, sad dosadno i glupo, samo bih voljela da se park očisti da u park dođe više ljudi i da se ljudi više brinu o njemu.

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3. INA INA: #bosnianteen #bosniangirlsdoitbetter #fun #grandma #morning #morningsickness #pregnant Pravim selfie s babom pored mene u krevetu. Ja sam u bijeloj potkošulji, baba još spava u roze spavaćici, njoj se vidi samo jedno oko, meni oba, normalno i usta moja napućena okrugla, šaljem ga u našu Facebook grupu bulimičarke jedva čekam da vidim šta je koja jutros povratila. Nismo mi stvarno bulimičarke k’o jadnice iz šestog tri mi se samo dobro zajebavamo, a usto smo još i trudne pa imamo jutarnje mučnine i sve što ide s tim, po redu i normalno. Ana je povratila viršlu, šalje fotku. Tipkam brzo: „Izgleda k’o kurac hohoho.“ Lea odgovara: „Nekad mi se povraća kad ga preduboko gurne hohoho.“ Ona je povratila kornfleks i kravlje mlijeko ali to je zbog kajmaka što se nakupi na toplom domaćem tek izmuženom mlijeku ne zato što hoće da bude mršava il’ što je trudna, jer za nju ionako još ni ne znamo tačno da li jeste ili nije. Ja ustajem, baba još hrče, mažem debelo ajvara na debelu šnitu hljeba, ja povraćam narandžasto #orangeisthenewblack. Mia je povratila cijeli topli sendvič, al’ majke mi još možeš da vidiš sve sastojke. #bulimija #teengirls #fun #mymorningroutine I heat my water and I make my tea!!! Zagrijem vodu u babinom lončetu crvenom sa bijelim tufnama i prospem malo sebi po preponama iz zajebancije, od preostale vode pravim tursku kafu da pijemo baba i ja. To je k’o tetovaža, ostaje na koži da se sjećaš nekog dana, pa onda mažeš nevenovom mašću, pa zaraste i samo mali mali ožiljak ostane, pa onda opet moraš da se polijevaš i tako stalno u krug ispočetka. Normally it’s fruit and yogurt!!! Obično je to slanina, samo slaninu ne bi’ povratila, a ni čvarke nema boga. And of course my phone is near me. Fotkam slaninu, šaljem im. One tipkaju: (ANA: Fuuuj!

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ENA: Idi u kurac!

UNA: Vrati se u Seljanec.

LEA: Seljančuro!

MIA: Ako si trudna nisi umrla.)

INA: #teengirl 311,284 posts Ja svoju fotku postujem poslije fotki na kojima su: opušteno prekrštene noge i kratka haljinica osmijeh u fazonu hehehe seka sam, plava kosa i napičene obrve, krevet u kom spavam sa babom, atletska bulja nabijena u objektiv, roze peškir kupaći u duginim bojama a privjesak kao pada slučajno preko sisa, ja na večeri sa matorim perverznjakom tad sam prvi put probala školjke to je sve bilo na ekskurziji on je rekao: „Hoću da ti ližem pizdicu da isisavam njene sokove k’o što isisavam meso ove školjke“ povraćala sam zbog školjki ne zbog onoga što je rekao odvratne su, Pepsi cola, sportski šareni top, animal print, spušten kurac opružen po dlakavom stomaku taj post ima 0 lajkova sve smo ga vidjele al’ mu ne bi lajkovala kad nije u erekciji pa ne znam, selfie iz wc-a, adidas top, gola bulja sa celulitom, pirsing u nosu, girls send me nudes I am horny af, štikle crne sa pertlanjem od prstiju do gležnjeva, motivaciona poruka: The problem is girl thinks he will change he won’t. Kad sam postovala fotku automatski sam dobila šest lajkova od njih šest, baba se probudila i nije baš znala gdje se nalazi. Ona uvijek ustaje poslije mene i uvijek ode direkt na rijeku iza kuće. To je ustvari potok, al’ baba ne vidi bijele vrane ništa ne zna pa je njoj to rijeka iz mladosti. Htjela bi da skoči i da natopi haljinu i spavaćicu ispod haljine i da pliva, al’ stalno ima osjećaj da haljina može da je povuče na muljavo

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tlo puno algi zelenih i svega drugog jezivog i ljigavog. Al’ ne vidi ispred sebe gleda u horizont i maglu ali ne raspoznaje šta je to u njoj, da li je kaljuža il’ rijeka il’ potok il’ planinčuga, kao što ja ne raspoznajem prošlost kao što ja ne znam da li su to bili Andrija, il’ Stefan il’ Marko il’ Dražen il’ Avdo il’ vjeroučitelj tako babi slika ispred nje nije najjasnija, na primjer, da ona to može da uslika baba ne bi znala ona jednostavno ne bi znala koji hashtag da stavi da li stavi #mountains #tbt ili #river #potok ili #struja #bujica ili #mladost ili #ludost ili #mladostludost. Baba ima prazan pogled i prazan mozak i prazno srce sve prazno osim crijeva i bešike. Onda se vrati u kuću pa u krevet pa onda opet zaspi pa ja moram da je budim. Baba je počela da sere u gaće. U prodavnici imaju samo dječje pelene, to je dobro po nas sedam, a loše po babuskaru. To neću da joj stavljam, osim ako baš ne moram. U apoteci moram posebno naručiti staračke babinje pelene. Meni nije gadno da je brišem, radije to radim njoj nego što ću ovom što u meni raste. Jer i baba je meni brisala, to je sigurno, za ovu veknetinu smežuranu što pije sve iz mene, što iz mene crpi svu moju snagu i svu slaninu što sam pojela i kad pušim sa mnom dimi i kad spavam budi me jebeno, to ne mogu da znam da li ‘oće da li neće meni brisati kad i ako bude trebalo. Svi će reći: „Bebina koža je mirisna i meka, babina koža je smrdljiva i smežurana“, e pa ja to neću reći, govno je govno je govno i baba mi bar ne vrišti i ne batrga se dok je brišem.

Spuštam joj bijele gaćetine, baba je uvijek držala do sebe i nosila najkvalitetniji srbački veš, vidim babin klitoris ispod par kusavih dlaka. Razmišljam jednu najmanju sekundu razmišljam da li da joj dodirnem taj dio koji možda nije sama koji možda niko nikad nije koji možda ne zna da ima koji možda češće nego ja koji možda, kao ja što svaku večer čekam da ona zaspi, ona čeka svaku večer da ja zaspim da može da ga dira samo na sekundu.

Gledam paperjaste dlake guščju bapsku kožu i shvatam da ne mogu da je to njeno da nije moje iako možda bi joj bilo bolje od toga. Baba zna da uskoro ide negdje zna već je krenula tamo zna da ću i ja s njom za pedesetak godina ili tako nešto pa je to malo tješi, zna da ovdje nije bolje jer nije baba od jučer ovdje

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ali nije ni tamo bog zna šta zna da nije nigdje dobro zna da ću leći pored nje večeras da će ona srati u gaće i u pelene dok ja drkam, možda i ne zna ništa možda samo gleda ispred sebe i smišlja najbolji hashtag za rijeku iz mladosti njene koja je samo isušeni muljavi ljigavi potok zapravo. Onda ja šta ću pijem kafurinu sama i sama purnjam i prcmoljak skvrčeni se dimi u meni i natapa kofeinom u meni, naviknuću ga na najbolje stvari od malih fetuskih nogu, biće on moj car. Sad sam u devetoj nedjelji, a tada se mogu vidjeti pupoljci nogu i ruku sa mjestima na kojima će biti prstići. Iduće sedmice, znači, imaću kontrolni iz hemije i imaću abortus, biću u desetoj nedjelji, a tada počinje formiranje polnih organa, a nastavlja se formiranje šaka i stopala znači moći ću opušteno da kažem od malih nogu, a da to nekako i bude istina. Baba sjedi na slami na podu kokošinjca svinjca štale jer sve smo strpali u jedno, kako baba i ja možemo spavati u istom krevetu mogu i kokoš i svinja u istom blatu.

Baba sjedi i gleda ispred sebe mene ne vidi sjedi pored zaklanih kokošiju pored preklanih obezglavljenih fazana pored svinjica koje su žive i dalje i njuškaju po babinom trbuhu njima ništa nije mogla a možda nije ni htjela. Uredno su poredane lešine jedna do druge koje još ni ne smrde ni malo ne smrde već mirišu već izazivaju pljuvačku u ustima, supa od fazana supa od kokoši sve to želim jedino od supe ne povraćam u devetoj nedjelji. Baba praznog pogleda i fazan i kokoš bez glava to je nešto najljepše što sam u životu vidjela to je ljepše i od onih četrnaest debelih crta na testovima. Ja sjedam pored nje sve to slikam iz visine sve nas obuhvatam postujem odmah i broj followersa raste sporo ali sigurno, raste kao moji nokti kao fetusovi nokti kao babini nokti sa svakom sekundom ljudima je jasno da je to što sam okačila posebno, da je to samo danas i nikad više da fazanski bezglavi i djevojački napućeni i bablji usrani trelfie se ne viđa svaki dan. #trelfie #hunting #grandmaisgoneabitcrazy Stavim joj ruku na svoj stomak, kažem: „E babuskara možda dočekaš praunuče zamisli to. Šta si to uradila baba?“, pitam je. „Pa de mi reci kakav je bio tvoj porođaj, ovako na sjenu je l’ de? Nije to ništa strašno kontam? Malo se napneš k’o govno da

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izbaciš to sad radiš ionako svaki dan i više puta i nikom ništa? Što si preklala ovu živinu baba jesi normalna jebo te baba šta ti je u šta gledaš?“ A baba meni na to sve baš ništa živo ne kaže.

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4. ONA ONA: Niko nas nikad, niko nas za sve ovo dugo vrijeme, niko nas nikad na ulici u prodavnici kod doktora niko od profesora ćaća matera ujni strina zaova jetrva niko nas nije, nas niko nije pitao kako smo TO zatrudnile. Ni jedna od nas ne može se tačno sjetiti kako je TO bilo s kim je TO bilo zašto je TO bilo jer miješa se sve krto je sve i krhko je sve kao kosti moje na leđima koje mi je možda Marko na ekskurziji slomio možda nije. Možda je Marko gledao svako jutro prije ekskurzije i na ekskurziji i u autobusu i u wc - u i na časovima facial abuse porniće i molio me plakao vrištao: „‘Ajde samo jednom ovo da probamo“, ja sam rekla: „‘Ajde evo ja ću sjesti, stolica u hotelskoj sobi fala bogu ima, ti mi veži oči ruke noge i nabij mi ga do krajnika. Svi znaju, da iako NE MOŽEŠ ostati trudna oralnim putem na taj način možeš dobiti spolno prenosive bolesti kao što su herpes i HIV, virus koji uzrokuje neizlječivu bolest AIDS. Svi znaju da stoga i kod oralnog seksa treba obavezno koristi kondome, što nam ipak nije padalo na pamet. Znači ako neko pita, a ne pita, sa Markom na stolici nisam zatrudnila sigurno. Ja sam rekla: „‘Ajde eto može i TO“, mislila sam možda poslije toga bude nešto, bilo je ništa, a možda Marko i nije im’o pojma šta je facial abuse, možda je mog’o samo u najluđim snovima naslutiti kako je TO lijepo kad djevojčica samo zine a ne može ni prstom noge ni prstom ruke maknuti, al’ nikad naglas nije smio izgovoriti da to stvarno i ‘oće pa je ćut’o k’o zaliven i nad’o se da ću sama od sebe početi da ga blajvam. A možda je Lea bila sa Markom, a ne ja. U hotelskoj sobi ima par stolica ima krevet i u njemu zelene bube, svejedno bolje buba u krevetu nego k’o Ini baba u krevetu. U hotelskoj sobi imaju stare tapete izlizane po njima smo žvakama polijepile napuhane kondome k’o balone, to smo dobile u školi kad je bilo informativno predavanje pod naslovom „Tinejdžerska trudnoća“, a tada su nam rekli i da je Odjeljenje za djecu i porodice objavilo listu faktora rizika namijenjenu Grupama za strateški menadžment tinejdžerske trudnoće, kako 31

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bi identifikovali sve nas koje smo pod rizikom. Među nabrojanim faktorima su: (ANA: Rano upuštanje u seksualne aktivnosti.

ENA: Poremećaji ponašanja.

INA: Zloupotreba alkohola i supstanci.

UNA: Biti kćerka majke tinejdžerke.

LEA: Zanemarivanje školskih obaveza.

MIA: Etnicitet.)

ONA: ...i tako dalje. Rekli su nam da je zvaničan stav njihove institucije da zanemaruju svaku subjektivnu namjeru buduće majke. Rekli su nam i da je, naravno, praćenje svih tinejdžerki koje odgovaraju kategorizaciji i naša „zaštita“ od trudnoće prilično obiman posao, al’ svih sedam smo se odma’ i prije nego što smo se popišale pokenjale i raspakovale, na Facebooku checkin-ovale u Hotel San pa smo im bar malo olakšale taj obiman posao praćenja. Sa izlizane tapete u hotelskoj sobi 113 Hotela San sada visi sedam kondoma-balona, ponijele smo ih ovdje za svaki slučaj jer smo znale da svaka od nas ovako il’ onako odgovara kategorizaciji, evo ja prva imam tri faktora rizika, Lea između dva i četiri, a Ena je ugasila jer je nju mama rodila k’o klinka. U hotelskoj sobi ima i kupatilo u njemu ima hrđa i začepljena wc šolja i četvrtasto ogledalo u bijelom plastičnom ramu i jedna neonka iznad njega

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pa moram gatati šta pali nju šta pali grijalicu šta pali bojler šta pali glavno svjetlo, samo mi je bitno dobro frontalno osvjetljenje zbog čupanja obrva za ostalo ću se snaći. U hotelskoj sobi nema ofingera ali imaju tri rezervna ćebeta, na jednom je Vučko on je kao znak da je jednom tu bila Olimpijada prije hiljadu godina, gorila je baklja i neki ljudi su se skupili i u ovoj pripizdini evo baš u ovoj hotelskoj sobi da bi gledali vožnju bob sankama karling ski skokove i sve ostale intrigantne discipline i zimske sportove, kao evo i nas sedam ovdje i sad. Neko je nekad u prošlom vijeku, u ovoj sobi, isto k’o mi sad, sigurno u kupatilu ostavio sedam četkica za zube sedam pinceta za obrve sedam uvijača za trepavice sedam podloga za šminku sedam maskara sedam sjenila sedam sjajila sedam ruževa sedam pudera sedam trakica za čupanje nausnica sedam češljeva sedam gelova sedam parfema sedam olovaka za oči za usta za obrve za nos za uši i onda izašao napolje da gleda skokove i spustove.

(LEA: Ja bi’ da istetoviram ovog Vučka. To niko neće znati šta je, mogu slagati i da je tribal ako ‘oću.

MIA: ‘Aj to kad se vratimo kući, kupićemo ti za rođendan tet preko ludihpopusta.com.

ONA: Sad ti jedino mogu probušiti pupak.)

Ana pripaljuje cigaru, Ena pripaljuje buksnu, Ina mirisnu svijeću, ja pripaljujem iglu za šivanje i zarivam je u Lein pupak.

Lea malo vrisne. Una pripaljuje mirisni štapić, Mia se samo igra upaljačem. Glupa babica je prije trin’est godina random odredila oblik tog ispupčenja na Leinom inače savršenom stomaku, presjekla je bezveze i podvezala bezveze i bilo ju je baš briga i nije shvatala da svaki dio djevojačkog tijela može i mora da se oblikuje da se dovede do savršenstva, i nije shvatala da

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smo mi same svoje skulpture i gospodarice i da imamo cijeli život da se igramo sa sopstvenim kožama i mesima i da to i radimo. Ispravila sam grešku, glupu grešku idiotske babice i Lein pupak sada je savršen kao i njen stomak kao i svi mladeži oko njega kao i njene grudi. U njemu je sada jedan ljubičasti cirkon što smo danas vidjele u izlogu u jedinoj zlatari u ovoj vazdušnoj banji sa mnogobrojnim turističkim potencijalima i ja sam joj ne misleći na pare to odmah kupila jer sam htjela da ima nešto od mene i od ovog dana. Odmah to postujemo na Instagram na Facebook na Twitter, ja zovem kevu Skajpom da joj pokažem ona kaže: „Vi ste lude šta radite?!“ Ja kažem: „Izbušićemo joj cijelo tijelo do kraja večeri“, keva prekida. Svi u podrumu u disku zbog postovane fotke sada znaju da je ta veza koju je Lea imala sa svojom kevom preko pupka kao i ova koju sam ja imala sa mojom preko Skajpa sada upravo, ovim ubodom igle, jednom i zauvijek prekinuta. Sve što smo zapalile prislanjamo uz kondome-balone, svih sedam puca: „Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum“, i sad se ništa ne vidi od dima od svega što smo zapalile od popucalog lateksa, ništa se ne vidi prošlost sadašnjost budućnost ništa, jedini izvor svjetla u cijeloj sobi jedino što nam nešto pokazuje što nam ka nečemu pokazuje je Lein ljubičasti cirkon. Iz izvorišta svega iz početka svijeta iz pupka iz savršenog djevojačkog loše podvezanog ali kvalitetno probušenog pupka dolazi ljubičasta svjetlost prolazi kroz zadimljenu sobu i pokazuje nam našu mladost i govori nam: „SADA NISTE TRUDNE / SADA STE MLADE / OD VEČERAS ĆETE MOŽDA BITI TRUDNE / VEČERAS ĆETE ZAČETI.“ Ako neko pita, a ne pita, u sobi 113 hotela San nismo zatrudnile nije probušeno naših sedam evolucijski značajnih magičnih opni naših sedam himena naših sedam muških fantazmagorija koje krvare isključivo na njihov dodir udarac pritisak i volju, u hotelskoj sobi 113 hotela San probušeno je sedam kondoma balona i jedan pupak i to je sve uredno evidentirano i snimljeno i može da se nađe na https://www.instagram.com/Ona2003/. #ekskurzija 14, 392 posts U vazdušnoj banji je hotel u hotelu je podrum u podrumu je klub u klubu smo mi i pjevamo u sedam

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glasova: „We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time it’s miserable and magical uh oh I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 22“, jer sve smo Swifties već tri i po godine i ona za nas nije samo pjevačica, kao što Red nije samo boja, kao što ni 1989. nije samo godina. Odjednom nema lude Mie sa nama, ona nam šalje video ona Simke Ozra Rale i razrednica igraju kolo u svadbenom salonu iznad nas i vrište. Dva lijevo dva desno pa na „opsa sa“, a u pozadini matrica Užičkog kola puštena sa klavijatura. Piše nam: (MIA: Izvalite razrednicin podbradak i moj vještački nokat zariven u njega.

LEA: Na to realno ne treba ni jedan filter.

UNA: Vrh! MIA: #nofilter #ekskurzija #jednomkretenuvijekkreten) ONA: Ovaj video u broju lajkova i vjuova na keca nadmašuje čak i fotku Leinog pirsinga, Sanjica iz sedmog dva brže bolje re-postuje svoj prvi proljetni selfie u grudnjaku iz wc -a uz #like4like #like4follow #like4tag# #follow4follow #follow4like #follow4tag #tag4tag #tag4like #tag4follow. Mia i razrednica igraju kolo ne prestaju, dva lijevo dva desno, Mia nam konstantno sve šalje ja pokazujem Stefketu video kao da mu pokažem nešto smiješno, on kaže: „Vi ste glupe koze vi ste kokoške.“ Ja mislim da on ne konta da na netu stvari ostaju zauvijek da na netu može da se zaustavi vrijeme da na netu i za sto godina kad nam se raspadnu kosti kože lobanje ovaj video će moći da se pronađe i vidi, on to ne konta. Iscrpljena od igranja kola, razrednica se

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ipak neće povući sve dok se ne uvjeri da je svaka djevojčica u svojoj sobi da je svaki dječak u svojoj sobi da djevojčice spavaju sa djevojčicama da dječaci spavaju sa dječacima, razrednica dolazi kod nas u sobu 113 Hotela San, kaže: „Dobro je djevojke uplašila sam se, gdje su Ana i Ena kad im je soba prazna gdje su Ina i Ona kad im je soba prazna, a vi spavate sve zajedno dobro je.“ (DJEVOJČICE SVE ZAJEDNO: Normalno.)

ONA: Prije nego što zatvori vrata razrednica nam još kaže da kreveti moraju biti razdvojeni pregradama do dva metra visine, to je standard francuskih liceja iz 1809. godine, to nažalost nije bio standard niti dobra praksa socijalističke arhitekture i sad na vas ne možemo da utičemo da li ćete gledati jedna drugu golu i tako dalje. Sutra ujutro poslije doručka tokom kog sam konzumirala gazirani sok tursku kafu bijeli hljeb kajganu i jednu krišku paradajza, sjedim u hotelskom bazenu, sve sjedimo, u dijelu sa vodenim masažerima različitih jačina, okružene babama koje su nam sve masažere zauzele. Sjedim u bazenu i mislim: „Bože daj mi snage da iskuliram sve jadne ljude“, i on mi da snage, sjedim u bazenu i stavljam sunčane naočale iako je bazen zatvoren samo da ne moram da gledam sve jadnike oko mene koji skaču na glavu skaču lastu prskaju se vriskaju potapaju se sjede na ivici bazena plivaju leptir plivaju kraul plivaju u slobodnom stilu. Na bazenu na ekskurziji bio je jedan trenutak kad su tijela slobodno pokazivana i po našoj volji miješana i kad su obavještenije smjelije slobodnije djevojke postojale nezavisno od smijeha i stremljenja odraslih, nezavisno od smijeha baba koje su se banjale do nas, bio je jedan trenutak kada su sva tijela pokazivana moje tijelo babino tijelo dječačko tijelo koje skače lastu sa skakaone, bio je jedan trenutak direktnih gesti besramnih riječi konačnog i apsolutnog pokazivanja. Ako neko pita, a ne pita, u bazenu u dijelu sa vodenim masažerima

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različitih jačina, nismo zatrudnile. Odjednom su svi prestali da vrište odjednom je bila tišina na bazenu odjednom su sve žene zašutile svi dječaci su zašutili nas sedam smo zašutile, odjednom se samo čulo hučanje vode koja je bablja bedra i bablje karlice oko nas masirala. U tišini, u toj tišini koja je odjednom nastupila Ana misli na Marka koji je možda sinoć bio u njoj možda nije, Ena misli da joj je Dražen možda rekao: „Jebi ga, ne može mi se dići na tebe“, da je bar stigla da pročita tutorijale za oralni seks, pa bi nešto i bilo, a možda i ne bi ništa i Ina misli kako se Avdi nikako nije spuštao osim kad treba da stavi kondom, ja mislim kako nisam htjela niko da me pipne a one su zauzele i moj krevet pa sam zaspala u praznoj kadi nenapunjenoj pa mi je sinoć bilo malo kao i sada ovdje u bazenu, Una misli kako je slušala: „I want your love and I want your desease“, i mislila da ima nešto posebno i vrijedno pažnje u tim lyricsima i misli što joj je trebalo sve to sinoć, Lea misli da ju je više bolio probušen pupak nego probušen himen ali da to nije htjela da instagramira nego da zapamti, Mia misli zašto nije uradila brazilku pa joj se sad ispod kupaćih gaća malo vide nabubrene gromuljice dlaka ali se sjeti kako je u časopisu OK pročitala: „Najbolje što možeš učiniti sa svojim stidnim dlakama... ono što želiš, jer kao što se ne odijevaš kao tvoje frendice, ne moraš niti brijati svoje stidne dlake ako ih one briju“, i bude joj malo lakše ili ne bude.

Voda nas masira mi mislimo. Voda nam je oko bedara i oko pupaka i tijela su nam od vode i od onoga što nam se možda sinoć možda desilo možda nije, drugačija. Na ekskurziji nam se nešto neopozivo desilo. Obrisi tijela su nam se izmijenili a da ni same nismo sigurne kako gdje zašto s kim koliko zbog čega kad. Sjedim u bazenu u dijelu sa masažerima različitih jačina i mislim: „Ako sad prestane voda da teče da me masira ja ću prestati da dišem svijet će prestati da se vrti“. Meni je teško beskrajno teško da shvatim da je ekskurzija bazen masažeri bila TAMO i ONDA, a da sam, kad ovo pokušavam da kažem, u pripizdini OVDJE i SADA. Meni je to teško, ali to je tako. I naša trudna tijela ne možemo slobodno da pokazujemo i ne možemo više da postojimo nezavisno od smijeha i stremljena

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odraslih, nezavisno od smijeha baba koje sada cokću i pljuckaju kada prođu pored naših sedam tijela. Savršenu tišinu savršenu mogućnost izlaganja tijela u bazenu na ekskurziji prekida Una koja kaže: (UNA: Znate da je Jasmine Thompson izjavila da je iako ima tek četrnaest godina već ostvarila većinu svojih snova.)

ONA: Sve mislimo i znamo imamo onda još godinu dana da sve svoje snove ostvarimo to je mnogo, to je više nego dovoljno ako je mogla Jasmine možemo i mi. Sve mislimo i znamo poslije ekskurzije ništa više neće biti isto.

DJEVOJČICE SVE ZAJEDNO: Ako nas ikad iko pita ako nas pitate, a ne pitate: „Kako je to bilo da li je bila super žurka da li smo bile pijane i drogirane ili sišle s uma“, ako nas pitate, a boli vas briga znamo, NE ZNAMO kako je to bilo to niko ne zna i SAD plodne utrobe naše nose plodnu budućnost našu i vašu a nje već sutra može da ne bude ako se podvrgnemo odstranjenju fetusa iz maternice a prije sposobnosti ljudskog ploda za život, da znate da možemo ako samo ‘oćemo, samo treba da nam roditelji ili staratelji tu i tu potpišu odobrenja, to će se dogoditi to se mora dogoditi do dvadeset i osme nedjelje trudnoće, da bi se uopšte zadovoljila definicija pobačaja dužina ploda mora biti manja od trideset i pet centimetara težina manja od hiljadu grama iako postavljeni uslovi nisu apsolutni.

ONA: Apsolutan je bio trenutak stremljenja trenutak pokazivanja trenutak vodene masaže u bazenu. Uslovi za abortus nisu apsolutni.

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5. UNA UNA: „Ja neću ovo sranje u sebi, zajebi me“, kaže Ena koja stoji u sred moje sobe, stoji bosa, stoji okružena posterima na zidovima. „Što smo se zajebavale zajebavale smo se, znam da nećeš ni ti od početka si bila suzdržana i skeptična prema ovom svemu.

‘Ajmo nekako to uradit’ same, ’ajmo nekako to uradit’ jedna drugoj, da ne sazna Ana, da ne sazna Ina, da ne sazna Ona, njoj bi baš teško palo da joj stajemo na muku kad još ni ne zna za sigurno da li jeste da li nije trudna, da ne saznaju Lea i Mia.“ Ja pokušavam da joj kažem da totalna razlika o kojoj sve znamo kao društvo totalna razlika između svijeta djeteta i svijeta odraslog je i razlika i u tumačenju prirode budućnosti koju mi u naših sedam utroba nosimo. U utrobama našim previše je budućnosti, suvišak je budućnosti, onoliko je budućnosti koliko ne može da podnese naša mjesna zajednica i ta budućnost ne smije se dogoditi, to nas dvije osjećamo to nas dvije intuitivno znamo a njih ostalih pet baš i ne. „Riješićemo se budućnosti, otarasićemo je se, pobrinućemo se za nju“, kažem Eni. Ali ali ali podsjećam je da je za prekid trudnoće kod trudnica mlađih od 16 godina i trudnica potpuno lišenih radne sposobnosti je potrebna i pismena suglasnost roditelja, odnosno staratelja. Ako se saglasnost ne može pribaviti od roditelja, odnosno staratelja, a ne može jer je moja mama luda za idejom da bude baba, znači zbog njihove odsutnosti ili spriječenosti, potrebno je pribaviti saglasnost nadležnog organa starateljstva, a to nemam pojma šta je tako da se moramo snalaziti sad kako znamo i umijemo. Ina opet tipka šta je povratila, Ena i ja obje primamo poruke na Viber istovremeno.

(INA: Viršla.

ONA: Kravlje mlijeko.

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ENA (UNI): Moramo se praviti da nismo zajedno da nas ne izvale.

UNA: Jaja na oko.)

UNA: Brže bolje smišljamo guglamo dostupne metode, razmatramo šta je od toga izvodljivo u ovoj sobi među ovim posterima proučavamo tutorijal za abortus kombinacijom tajlandske masaže stomaka i prekomjernog vježbanja joge, kopam po ladicama razbacujem sve po podu imam li neki oštar predmet žicu od kišobrana žicu iz točka bicikla žicu iz ograde ofinger napravljen od metalne žice šivaću iglu pletaću iglu iglu za šešir kuke za heklanje malo duže i oštrije šnalice za kosu, imamo opciju i da se predoziramo vitaminom C buhačom hlorinom sredstvom za izbjeljivanje veša terpentinom džinom Pepsi colom pa da čekamo ili da sprčkamo na brzinu nekakav kateter od nekog crijeva na primjer od usisivača ili veš mašine ili da legnemo na parket i držimo se za ruke gledamo u plafon i dišemo. Odlučile smo se za sada za ovu posljednju opciju, gledamo u plafon obje ćutimo i iako nije dokazano da vizualizacija može da izazove abortus mi znamo da smo prirodno začele prirodno ćemo se ovoga i riješiti ako posvetimo cijele svoje živote postizanju tog cilja ako jedemo spavamo dišemo vizualizirajući sluznicu maternice koja se krvarenjem izbacuje ako vizualiziramo menstruaciju, koja je po definiciji, kako smo naučile na promociji Libresse uložaka u školi, sastavni dio života žena i priprema za stvaranje novih malih ljudskih bića mada me ta misao malo omete u koncentraciji koju sam upravo postigla jer onda, jebi ga znači čim abortiram istovremeno odmah moram da krenem da se pripremam za stvaranje novih malih ljudskih bića malo mi je to naporno ali dišem i ćutim dišem i ćutim, taman k’o da nešto osjetim da će da krene kad čujem: „Kakve su ovo igle, šta to radite“, kaže moja vesela mama, kaže moja mama u šarenoj pamučnoj kućnoj haljini, kaže moja mama

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koja je u sobu sa posterima na zidovima ušla bez kucanja, naravno. „Interesantno je da ste vas dvije, obožavateljice i podržavateljice abortusa i one koje su zamalo kućni abortus pokušale, uspjele da se rodite, i naravno, nad vama dvjema niko nije pokušao abortus dok ste bile u majčinoj dok ste bile u mojoj utrobi. Ljudi kažu, to sam čula, gledaj kćerku vidjećeš majku.

I obrnuto. Evo na nas dvije to se nikako ne može primijeniti, evo ja gledam tebe i ne vidim ništa od sebe“, kaže moja majka dok njeno prisustvo u mojoj sobi sa posterima bespovratno mijenja svjetlo u sobi mijenja miris u sobi mijenja atmosferu u sobi i potpuno onemogućava vizualizaciju kojoj smo Ena i ja težile dok smo ležale na parketu i gledale u plafon. Moja mama preko šarene haljine nosi crni bade-mantil i cijela soba se od njenog prisustva zacrni, ona potapa mene ona potapa Enu ona potapa oba fetusa u našim utrobama crnilom svojim potapa samo joj bijele njegovane šake iz crnog bade-mantila vire. „‘Ajde dobro, odrastate, osamostaljujete se i uskoro više nećete trebati mamu na način kao i do sad i to me malo plaši ali znam da cure imaju pravo na razne eksperimente što se tiče izgleda, i tijela, i života, pa čak i ako pogriješite, i pretjerate – to je dio odrastanja, traženja identiteta i mjesta u svijetu. A to je svakako lakše s mamama koje se kao ja vole šminkati i lijepo se odijevati. Pa i ovo sa abortusom, sve je to eksperiment idemo dalje. Bitno je cure da ste vi prilikom eksperimentisanja začele.

Pa ja najbolje znam selendru ja najbolje znam sitničave seljačke oči i uši i usta ja znam kako su kad sam bila u vašim godinama ili malo starija pratili svaki korak mene i tvog tate, znam da naša mala zadovoljstva seoskog života mogu vrlo brzo da postanu predmetom kolektivne netolerancije pa čak i sudskog postupka, medicinske intervencije pažljivih kliničkih ispitivanja i čitavih teorijskih elaboracija, ali da vas sad time ne zamaram najvažnije je da ste trudne i da to tako i ostane. Jer cure, desila se prokreacija, vama je sve oprošteno sve vam je sve sve vam je oprošteno jer ste začele jer niste imale jalov akrobatski seks, jer ste evo, ipak donijele vrijedan rezultat toga svega sa ekskurzije, jer zapamtite to za vijeke vijekova granica između

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dopuštenog i nedopuštenog, u seksu je začeće.“ Mama kaže da u određenim predmetima i u određenim tijelima i određenim oblicima može da se nađe sreća, a da taj predmet to tijelo taj oblik može da bude noga glava okrugla bebina, na primjer. Ja sam evo našla sreću u tebi, Una, i sreću u ovom crnom bademantilu. Mama kaže da neke realnosti neke socijalne neke društvene realnosti naša republika naš visoki predstavnik naš nacionalni koordinator neki načini strukturisanja objašnjavanja tumačenja organizovanja realnosti će da nas nadžive i zato nas dvije moramo da rodimo. A onda mama pali televizor prebacuje kanale sve dok ne dođe do tinejdžerskog filma. Mama Ena i ja sjedimo na podu naslonjene leđima na kauč i gledamo tinejdžerski film. Mama ne prebacuje ni scenu seksa između dvoje tinejdžera nije neprijatno mami nije neprijatno meni i Eni mama razumije da mi već znamo šta je to i da nam je pošto smo trudne sad već dozvoljeno da takvo nešto do kraja bez prebacivanja pogledamo. A onda se šminkamo mama Ena i ja, mama nam da da koristimo njenu vodootpornu maskaru sa XXL efektom i da pušimo njen Slims, onda mama hoće da je farbamo, „Vidi mi se već izrast.“ (MAMA: ‘Ajte cure šta vam fali.)

Na Viberu primamo poruke od Ine da idemo nas sedam na kafu, „Jebi ga mama drugi put.“ A onda se desio strašan epilog i novi horor među osnovcima ali od prekida trudnoće i šoka djevojčice su se mi smo se nas sedam smo se dobro oporavile. Prije nego što izađemo iz sobe iz kuće prije nego što naručimo Nes topli sa šlagom i gusti od jagode sa šlagom u bašti slastičarne ispod suncobrana, kažem joj: „Mama samo molim te presvuci taj crni bade-mantil ne mogu te gledati više u njemu“, ja joj kažem a Ena na to klima glavom entuzijastično.

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6. LEA LEA: Jednom je Marko rekao nešto lijepo, rekao je: „Sagradićemo Novo Grahovo sagradićemo novi grad i to se zove revolucija, u Berlinu imaju skvotovi svi mladi žive u besparici ali svi zajedno ne k’o ti i ja u besparici ali sa raspalim babama i đedovima i očevima i majkama spavaju ispod memljivih proklijalih tavanica ali ne k’o ti i ja ispod još jednog kreveta na kom spava upišani brat, stalno stalno su gudrirani ali ne kao ti i ja od plina iz šporeta pa te boli glava nego najbolji MDMA, Novo Grahovo će da ima puno betonskih blokova takve je gradio Tito i njegove arhitekte i njegovi radnici i moj deda je bio građevinac, napravićemo Novo Grahovo, na svakom ćošku gudra na svakom spratu kreveti samo za prcanje ne za spavanje spava se na podu na paletama na dušecima šta god nađeš nema biljaka jer ko će da ih zaliva“, i ja sam mislila kako je to lijepo kako je to pametno kako je to budućnost moja i njegova kako je to nešto novo kao ovo u meni što je novo i to mu kažem.

(LEA: Trudna sam.

MARKO: Sa mnom nisi sigurno.

LEA: Sa tobom nisam. Sigurno.)

LEA: Marko kaže svuda oko nas su barijere ne možemo da budemo slobodni. Marko kaže: „To je sistem barijera, ali mi ćemo u Novom Grahovu sami sebi na raspolaganje staviti sami sebi omogućiti beskrajne linije beskrajne mogućnosti za penetraciju.“

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(MARKO: Otkud znaš da si trudna?)

LEA: Kupala sam se u bari u potoku iza kuće doskakutala je žaba popela mi se na glavu, rekla je: „Tvoja želja će se ispuniti, uskoro ćeš dobiti kćerkicu.“ Uzela sam crva nabreklog sa zemlje sam ga pokupila i sa lišća trulog i popišala se po njemu crv je počeo da proizvodi spermu kao lud i to je bio znak da sam trudna. Da bi se osigurao pouzdan rezultat iskoristila sam pet crva u jednoj seriji testova i svi su se slično ponašali, mreškali su se okretali vrtili ispuštali bijelu ljepljivu sluzavu tečnost valjali se u njoj i baškarili. A i u očima se trudnoća ogleda to znaš i ti i ptice su lijepo pjevale danas, pijetao iz našeg dvorišta odgovorio je na pjev kukavice a to je uvijek dobar znak za svako žensko u kući, a i osjećam se k’o bojler još od ekskurzije eto tako znam. Gurnula sam pred spavanje češanj bijelog luka u rodnicu i ujutru mi nije smrdilo iz usta to je znak da se slobodnom protoku materije iz trbuha u ostale dijelove tijela da se širenju određenih mirisa kroz tijelo ispriječio ni manje ni više nego embrion. „Našao sam u mom podrumu tri pacova koja još uvijek nisu dosegla doba seksualne zrelosti i ispišao sam se na sva tri. Šorao sam po svima ali samo jednog sam ubio rasporio mu utrobu od moje mokraće bili su mu jajnici uvećani i bili su mu jajnici u boji crvene jagode i to je bio znak da sam trudan. Da bi se osigurao pouzdan rezultat životinja se ne smije ubiti gasom eterom hloroformom nego se mora ubiti oštrim udarcem, što sam sa zadovoljstvom učinio. Pošto je rezultat testa iz prve bio pozitivan drugim dvjema životinjama dozvolio sam da i dalje žive. A kad nema drugog načina da se utvrdi trudnoća, to ti kažu oči, pogledaj me u oči pogledaj me i vidjećeš“, i to mi sve kaže Marko. „Mi smo djeca, Lea, a djetinjstvo je pored toga što je oblik života i vrsta života i starosna grupa ljudske jedinke, djetinjstvo je i morfologija sa diskretnom anatomijom i misterioznom fiziologijom. U djetinjstvu nije sasvim jasno šta predstavlja rupa koju ti imaš i šta predstavlja izbočina koju ja imam i one su vrlo lako jedna sa drugom zamjenjive. Imam i ja mliječne žlijezde u grudima i bole me i osjetim ih ispod kože

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u tkivu i ako se potrudim one mogu da proizvode mlijeko ako se potrudim one mogu da ispuštaju mlazeve bijele tečnosti iz tamnih bradavica mojih na stisak usta našeg djeteta. Imam i mliječne kanale i oksitocin i prolaktin imam znači hormone koji služe proizvodnji mlijeka i ukoliko dođe do intenzivne stimulacije mojih grudi i mojih bradavica ja sigurno mogu da se dovedem do stanja laktacije.“ Ja mu kažem da imam sve rane simptome trudnoće kao razdražljivost i da smo sad u skvotu u Novom Grahovu vjerovatno bih popidzila od ljudi i od prljavštine ali nismo, kažem mu da imam sve simptome kao nedostatak daha i nesvjesticu i vrtoglavicu i jutarnju mučninu. On kaže da i on ima sve što ja imam on kaže da ima razdražljivost i osjetljive grudi.

(MARKO: Pospan sam.

LEA: Muka mi je.

MARKO: Pišam non-stop.

LEA: Boli me glava.

MARKO: I kičma.

LEA: Imam grčeve.

MARKO: I čudne želje za čudnim namirnicama.)

LEA: Ti i ja imamo plod ljubavi ako i nemamo ljubavi jedno za drugo ili

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Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

za bilo koga ili za sebe same imamo njen plod donijećeš ga ti na ovaj svijet donijeću ga ja na ovaj svijet svejedno. Marko pali džoint uvlači dim pa ga daje meni uvlačim dim pošto smo oboje trudni bolje nas radi, okruženi smo dimom i izmaglicom gledamo ispred sebe na horizontu vidimo Novo Grahovo i sve njegove betonske blokove i sva njegova svjetla sa prozora i tu će rasti naše dijete, a još se ni ne zna ko će ga od nas dvoje roditi da li on da li ja da li oboje zajedno istovremeno. Marku je onda malo muka Marko onda kaže da je bolje ne pokušavati ostati trudan jer ljudi kažu da znaju kako je to al’ pojma nemaju, „Ovo je čisto ludilo majke mi.“ Samo dvoje samo dva tijela, muško tijelo i žensko tijelo, tvoje tijelo i moje tijelo, ne mogu podizati hraniti odgajati ljuljuškati vaspitavati dijete ništa bolje od samo jednog tijela od jednog muškog tijela ili jednog ženskog tijela od mog samog tijela ili od tvog samog tijela, potrebno je da svi svi svi nas sedam i naše sedmoro djece i još zamisli da neka nosi blizance, to bi mogla biti Ena ona ima neke znakove blizanačke i višeplodne trudnoće kod nje je uvijek sve prenaglašeno ili čak trojke četvorke petorke sedmorke i vas sedam s kojima smo zatrudnile i svih naših četrnaestoro roditelja i sve babe đedovi koji su još živi i još svi iz selendre, svih osamnaest hiljada sedamsto trin’est stanovnika biće potrebno da se odgoji jedno jedino dijete u Novom Grahovu i to će biti propis. Marko i ja sjedimo na betonskim kockama one su izgrađene u starom Grahovu u našem Grahovu u Grahovu u kom sada živimo a ne u budućnosti ne u Novom Grahovu ne u budućnosti koju će nam donijeti dijete naše, novo dijete i zato kocke baš i nisu neke ali su nama sad kad smo napušeni podbhuli otekli trudni, dobre. Marko mi legne na stomak vidi pirsing vidi ljubičasti cirkon vidi još jednu stvar koju pored ploda ljubavi u mom stomaku nosim od ekskurzije. Marko kaže: „Ljubičasto je lijepo ljubičasto je dobro možemo neke zidove u skvotu obojiti u ljubičasto.“ Marko zaspi ja mu gledam lice na mom stomaku, ja ne mogu da zaspim ja hoću da mu ispričam da smo nas sedam sve to smislile da smo se mi to tako dogovorile da smo mi to tako htjele da se naša djeca rode u novom svijetu u Novom Grahovu da smo mi napravile pakt a on spava pa mu ništa ne kažem.

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Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

7. MIA MIA: U mojoj sobi nas sedam ležimo na mom krevetu, stisnule smo se, otkotrlja se ponekad neka na pod ponekad neka sjedne na stolicu za ljuljanje ponekad ode do kompa Ina da pusti nešto drugo jer i Youtube autoplay se zajebe nije bezgrešan pa pusti Ushera iz 2003-će, jebo te. Naših sedam stomaka su bili tempirane bombe budućnosti naše selendre i naše državice i naših roditelja i naših učitelja i nas samih. Naših sedam stomaka je trebalo da porodi budućnost, trebalo je da donese slatku bucmastu djecu da ih povijamo i podižemo i spuštamo i ljuljuškamo i u naših sedam stomaka počivalo je sedmostruko ono što ima direktan pristup cjelovitosti potpunosti budućnosti, ono što može da nam vrati osmjehe na lica, al’ nama se nešto baš i nije smijalo. Mi smo naše stomake ispuhale, abortirale smo sve smo abortirale, nacionalni koordinator za reproduktivno zdravlje je rekao da sve moramo prekinuti trudnoće, što je bilo neophodno zbog očuvanja našeg zdravlja i zaštite od komplikacija. Cijela selendra, svi su napolju, samo smo mi unutra, u sobi, na krevetu. Razdvajaju nas zidovi, i razdvajaju nas posteri polijepljeni po njima. Svi iz naše selendre gledaju sad u horizont da im se nešto pokaže i kaže ali oni više tamo ne mogu da vide obrise svojih tijela. Svi oni napolju, cijela pripizdina, osamnaest hiljada i sedamsto trin’est stanovnika u desnim rukama drže pripaljene cigare a u lijevim rukama mobilne telefone i fotkaju magletinu na horizontu i pitaju se gdje je sad budućnost, a znaju već da su nas natjerali da je ubijemo.

Svi su napolju, a nas sedam smo unutra.

(ANA: Ipak.

ENA: Postoji šansa.

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Tanja Šljivar / KAO I SVE SLOBODNE DJEVOJKE

INA: Mala, ali ipak šansa.

ONA: Da smo još uvijek trudne, da nikad ni nismo abortirale.

UNA: Svi u pripizdini drhte od straha, meni je muka i vrti mi se u glavi, očigledno sam opet trudna.

LEA: Mi smo vremenske bombe budućnosti, eksplodiraćemo za devet osam sedam mjeseci.

MIA: U mojoj sobi zauvijek staje vrijeme jer budućnost više ne postoji jer smo je sedam puta ubile. Naše obrise možemo da vidimo napokon jasno i ponovo, ja vidim iz blizine Lein pirsing i rupu koju je Ona njoj probušila, Lea vidi Unin pupak, Una vidi Onin izdepilirani donji stomak, Ona vidi Inin malo napuhani stomak od vode, Ina vidi Eninu ćibu na nadstomaku, Ena vidi Anine pore na stomaku, Ana vidi mojih par dlačica što nisam stigla da skinem.

Stomaci su ravni, ali ne bablji usahli već čvrsti i napeti, ništa nama nije bilo, ništa nam se nikad u ovoj pripizdini nije desilo.

Djevojčice leže jedna drugoj na stomacima praznim i jalovim, zgrčene kao sedam fetusa. Po jedna glava djevojačka okrugla položena je na po jedan ravni stomak djevojački kod pupaka, kod izvorišta života koja su samo na kratko bila povezana sa obećanjem novih svjetova i novih života. Ponekad jedna drugu miluju po dugim kosama. Ponekad i dalje upadaju jedna drugoj u riječ. Nakon ove scene nema više ništa, nakon ove scene nema budućnosti.

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KRAJ

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NAPOMENA AUTORICE U drami nema dječaka, niti roditelja, niti nastavnika, niti zdravstvenih radnika, izuzev ako su njihovi dijalozi ipak napisani.

Drama se sastoji od monologa djevojčica, izuzev ako su dijalozi i didaskalije ipak napisani. Od drame ne treba očekivati istinu o slučaju koji je gospodin N. B., nacionalni koordinator za reproduktivno zdravlje Republike Srpske, prikladno sažeo u rečenici: “Imali smo slučaj da su iz jednog malog mjesta otišli učenici osnovne škole na ekskurziju koja je trajala oko pet dana, a kada su se vratili, nakon nekog vremena se ispostavilo da je čak sedam učenica zatrudnilo na ekskurziji.” ( )- označava dijaloge, koji će u većini slučajeva već postojati kao neupravni govor integrisan u monologe, ali pošto će reditelj ili rediteljka vjerovatno radije postavljati dokone djevojačke razgovore na scenu, ostaviću, ovim znakom, ponekad i tu mogućnost. Tekst u kurzivu označava didaskaliju. U drami su korišteni tekstualni izvori, vizuelni i video materijali: 1. Foucault, Michel, The History of Sexuality, Volume 1, Pantheon Books, New York, 1978.

2. Vilenica, Ana (ur), Postajanje majkom u vreme neoliberalnog kapitalzima, uz)bu))na))), Beograd, 2013.

3. Edelman, Lee, No Future: Queer Theory and the Death Drive, Duke University Press, London, 2004.

4. Power, Nina, One-Dimensional Woman, Zero Books, Washington, 2009.

5. Časopis OK, broj 284, rujan 2015.

6. Video blog Bethany Mota: https://www.youtube.com/user/ Macbarbie07 7. Društvena mreža: https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/ teengirl/ 8. Intervju sa Michel Foucaultom, The Danger of Child Sexuality, https://www.ipce.info/ipceweb/Library/danger.htm

Prije nekoliko godina u jednim dnevnim novinama objavljena je vijest o stanju reproduktivnog zdravlja mladih u Bosni i Hercegovini. U spomenutom tekstu, jedan ginekolog naveo je primjer slučaja kada je sedam trinaestogodišnjih djevojčica zatrudnilo tokom školske ekskurzije. Navodeći taj primjer, ginekolog je ukazao na praksu lošeg i gotovo nepostojećeg seksualnog obrazovanja tinejdžera i tinejdžerski. Vijest se uskoro proširila eskalirajući u opći skandal. O tome se pisalo u svim medijima, kako regionalnim tako i međunarodnim, uključujući i Deutsche Welle. Pored javnosti, o ovoj informaciji raspravljale su i organizacije u BiH koje se bave mladima.

Kao što je to čest slučaj, posebno intenzivna rasprava odvijala se u cyber-prostoru gdje su ljudi, zaštićeni vlastitom anonimnošću, iznosili svoje mišljenje o tom događaju. Upravo taj aspekt najviše je privukao pažnju već etablirane autorice koja reagira na društvene fenomene i posljedice, karakteristične za naše tranzicijsko društvo. Govoreći o ovom tekstu, autorica kaže: “Za mene su, ipak, najupečatljiviji bili komentari čitalaca objavljeni na internetu. To su bili komentari ženskih čitateljica kao što su: “Wtf roditelji nisu informisani?”, “Dobro, kako su onda oni uspjeli da naprave svoju djecu!”, “Roditelji su definitivno krivi” i “Ne razumijem današnje mlade - kada sam ja imala 13, moj prioriteti su bili škola, šetnje sa prijateljima, a seks sam vidjela samo na TV-u. Imaju li mozga ovi klinci ???”, te muških čitatelja poput: “Ove male kurve treba da nauče da prestanu da šire noge.” Iz ovih komentara bilo je potpuno jasno da su djevojčice u ovom slučaju posmatrane i okrivljene kao kolektiv, zajedno sa cijelim svojim porodicama, a da su dječaci još uvijek posmatrani kao pojedinci i da su, i pored očiglednog učešća u događaju, izostavljeni iz cijelog slučaja.”

Za naslov dramskog teksta, Tanja Šljivar izabrala je citat iz popularne HBO serije “Girls“, autorke Lene Dunham, a koji se odnosi na komentar jedne prijateljice drugoj nakon što su rezultati medicinskih testova pokazali da je zaražena HPV-om.

Vrijednost ovog dramskog teksta je i u činjenici da je Tanja Šljivar izabrala da u njenoj drami svi likovi budu ženski, a čime je zapravo

pokušala dati glas djevojkama koje ga u bosanskoj javnoj sferi očigledno nemaju. Pokušala je dati glas djevojčicama iz malih bosanskih gradova; nevidljivim, neprisutnim, zanemarenim djevojčicama koje komuniciraju samo između sebe preko video blogova, Facebooka, Skypea i Instagrama. Dječaci, nastavnici/e, roditelji i zdravstveni/e radnici/e se samo sporadično pojavljuju u tekstu, uz kratke online pisane obavijesti, ili kratke uvredljive i nezainteresovane komentare upućene djevojčicama.

Ovaj aspekt važan je i u kontekstu činjenice da su rijetki tekstovi u kojima su nositeljice glavnih uloga žene, te će publikacijom ovog teksta dramski izbor biti obogaćen i za djelo u kojem će, u odnosu na većinu dramskih tekstova, dominirati ženske uloge.

U svakom slučaju, kada govorimo o Tanji Šljivar, kao i kada govorimo o njenom novom tekstu, nedvojbeno se radi o djelu koje ne samo da je važno podržati, već se radi o djelu kakvo nedostaje i kakvo je potrebno društvu općenito!

Nihad Kreševljaković

O AUTORICI Tanja Šljivar je dramska spisateljica rođena 1988. godine u Banja Luci, SFRJ. Diplomirala je i magistrirala dramaturgiju na Fakultetu dramskih umjetnosti u Beogradu, a završila je i master studije iz primijenjenih pozorišnih studija u Gisenu, Njemačka. Autorka je šest cjelovečernjih drama, koje su objavljene u pozorišnim časopisima, različitim antologijama, te izvedene i javno čitane u profesionalnim pozorištima u Bosni i Hercegovini (BNP Zenica), Srbiji (Atelje 212), Hrvatskoj, Poljskoj, Austriji, Španiji, Albaniji i Njemačkoj (Deutsches Theater Berlin, Schauspielhaus Stuttgart, Theater Dortmund).

Također piše i objavljuje kratke priče, radio drame, filmske scenarije i teatrološke tekstove. Za dramsko pisanje osvojila je nekoliko nagrada među kojima su posljednje Sterijina nagrada, nagrada MESS Market Award, te nominacija za Retzhofer Dramapreis u Austriji. Drame su joj prevedene na desetak jezika, a bila je i gošća književnih rezidencijalnih programa u Gracu, Beču i Prištini. Trenutno radi na poziciji v.d. direktorice drame u Narodnom pozorištu u Beogradu.

------------------------------------------------CIP - Katalogizacija u publikaciji Nacionalna i univerzitetska biblioteka Bosne i Hercegovine, Sarajevo 821.163.4(497.6)-2 ŠLJIVAR, Tanja Kao i sve slobodne djevojke / Tanja Šljivar ; [prevoditeljica Aida Spahić]. Sarajevo : Međunarodni teatarski festival - Scena MESS, 2019.

- 47, 49 str. ; 21 cm.

- (Biblioteka MESS) Nasl. str. prištampanog prijevoda: All adventurous women do.

- Tekst na bos. i engl. jeziku štampan u međusobno obrnutim smjerovima.

ISBN 978-9958-506-18-5 COBISS.BH-ID 27629574 -----------------------------------------------

TANJA Å LJIVAR

ALL AdVeNTuRous WomeN do

Tanja Å ljivar

ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO

MESS Library Tanja Šljivar: All Adventurous Women Do Title of the Original: Kao i sve slobodne djevojke Publisher: MES – International Theater Festival – MESS Scene On Behalf of the Publisher: Nihad Kreševljaković Translator: Aida Spahić Language Editing: Hana Bajrović Editor: Reviewers: Nihad Kreševljaković Design: Bojan Mustur Layout: Sanja Kulenović Print: Tiraž: 300 Public Institution Mes – International Theater Festival - MESS Scene is Publishing of this book was supported by the Foundation for Publishing Sarajevo.

Tanja Šljivar

ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO Translated from Bosnian by Aida Spahić

Sarajevo, 2019.

The starting point for the play All Adventurous Women Do is a real life event that both Bosnian and international media reported on in late 2014 – the case of “collective pregnancy” of seven Bosnian teenagers following a short school trip. Seven thirteen-year-old girls, seven scenes, and seven monologues constitute the formal and thematic framework of the play in which the unreliability of girls’ memories and accounts is the only constant. Pregnancy tests, Skype, Instagram, Serbian turbo-folk and American pop, their grandmothers, critical theory, chauvinistic pornography, patriarchal quagmire of a small-town, abortions, and meat devouring are some of the text’s thematic focuses. All Adventurous Women Do is a play about the necessity to leave here to realize one’s own sexuality, necessity to leave here to make decisions about one’s own body, necessity to leave here to make decisions about one’s own life.

In the play, as well as at the language level, the author explores what happens when a group of teenagers decides to alter the patriarchal concept of the nuclear family, to have sex, get pregnant, have an abortion and consequently be cast out from the society. It is all the same for the girls for they never belonged to that society anyway. Seven girls in seven monologues want to tell us everything save for how they got pregnant during the school trip.

The characterizations of the girls in the play is evidently collective, rather than individual, given that repressive chauvinistic social practices are imposed on them as a group not individuals, therefore their quick dialogues are conceived as a chorus. The similarity of the sounds of their names also indicates their portrayal as a group, a chorus.

The value of this work lies also in the fact that the author, Tanja Šljivar, has been researching and, as she says, “has been fascinated by how teenage girls in Bosnia talk to each other”, undertaking thus a deeper exploration of their speech in All Adventurous Women Do. The speech is formed under a range of influences – street talk of young people, internet slang, and the talk of their mothers and aunts. This creates a defamiliarized

effect, such as the conversation about Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift in a language in part acquired from the unemployed, uneducated middle-aged women and in part from the male chauvinistic street discourse. The author attempted to gradually transform the speech of teenagers into a stylized speech, which is in one-part influenced by the critical theory discourse, which most of the girls were most probably never exposed to, and in the second part by all of the above speech regimes, that they are constantly exposed to. Their speech is shocking in its speed and topics and obvious sadness. Their monologues are partly repetitive, but they also differ in content and tone, depending on the girl. Some girls are thrilled and excited with the events they describe, other are more troubled, making obvious the unreliability of their overall collective and individual memory.

In the monologues, the girls express various ideas, such as the possibility of collective upbringing of the babies, life in nonnormative communities, even the possibility of male pregnancy and male breastfeeding. These girls have obviously fallen victim to patriarchy, but they have not mastered the language to speak about that, therefore they continue talking about American pop stars and Bosnian turbo-folk stars even after everything that happened to them. The author chose the end of the play to be empowering and liberating, although it most probably hadn’t been so in real life. In the last scene, all girls gather once again in one of their rooms – they lie on each other’s empty bellies and pretend that the outside world does not exist. Referring to a similar case of collective teenage pregnancy in Massachusetts, USA, Nina Power says: “It’s easier to imagine the end of the world than it is to imagine the death of the nuclear family.”

The author decided to address an extremely important, albeit socially neglected topic in her play. She definitely succeeded in her aim to write a full-length play that primarily speaks of the problem of misogyny, that to the day resists all historical and geographical borders. That is why I believe that this text can function in different theatrical and social contexts beyond Bosnia and Herzegovina.

The publication of this play is important and serves as a recognition of the work of a young artist, but also as an initiator of a broader social discussion.

Dino Mustafićć

ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO

a play about an attempt of an adventure in a small town

CHARACTERS: Girls and scenes have the same names Ana, 13 Ena, 13 Ina, 13 Ona, 13 Una, 13 Lea, 13 Mia, 13

All the girls are on the stage all the time. They have round bellies and round heads and eyes and mouths. They caress their bellies and let out heavy breaths, as all pregnant women do. They caress their bellies even though they already gave birth. They caress their bellies even though they already had abortions.

They caress their bellies even though they had never been pregnant. They interrupt each other if the symbol () indicates so, they giggle, they listen to Rihanna and Taylor and Marina and The Diamonds. They wear long black dresses as in Greek tragedies, they braid each other’s long hair, they put make up on, they place cucumbers on their lids, they snort speed if they have any, they – in a nutshell – are being young women. *The number of performers reading/performing the text on the stage can range from one to indefinite, depending on the concept. The story takes place here and now, in the theatre, in seven round full warm girls’ mouths, as well as in seven round full warm girls’ wombs.

Tanja Šljivar / ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO

1. ANA ANA: Our religion teacher plays an audio tape. The recording is bad so at first, we laugh when something crackles and almost damages our seven pairs of ears. The seven of us are in the first row, at the benches, as the idiot said: “You kids sit in the first row”, but we always sit in the back, naturally. Ena sits in Una’s lap and the rest of us one next to another, as always. All the others in the class look at our seven backs. I am wearing an open back top and I like the fact that everyone looks at my hair as if accidentally falls over my spine and my beautiful tightly locked vertebra. I give my phone to Ina to make a photo of my back so I can see if the lock is well positioned in the middle; not really, I adjust it a bit. The tape screeches creepily again against the fourteen eardrums, the religion teacher is klutzy with the computer and the memory stick. Ina then stands up, holding an iPhone in one hand with my photo on the screen, starts clicking on the keyboard and the recording finally starts, no more crackles. The mp3 audio file named “It is not a choice, it is a child” we are addressed by no less than a fetus. When the fetus says the title, when the fetus says IT, when it says IT is not a choice, IT is a child, we are not sure whether it refers to us or to itself or to the religion teacher when he was a child or it refers to our parents and us or our parents as some people’s children does it refer to our children we will not bear or our children we will bear or our children who are growing in us but have not taken root and it will be easy so easy for us to rip them out. We did not know what it refers to when it says IT, but the tape resonated through the classroom with this primordial screaming, shrieking, the scream of the ripped-out fetus from our seven wombs. The fetus says: “Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama don’t do this to me. It hurt, it hurts. You are ripping off my little leg, you are ripping off my little arm, you are ripping off my little head, it hurts. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 17

Tanja Šljivar / ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” The fetus says that and we still do not understand how come it can speak when we know that we started speaking, well it depends which one, but not before the first candle on the cake. Some took longer, but to formulate words such as: murder infanticide right to life, our Orthodox children breed, reproduce, propagate the light of the lord is with you, your young one, your young screams…

How the fetus learned that, those complicated words; we do not understand, but we keep listening. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mama, mama, mama, I don’t want out.”

He does not want to but we do. Ena gets up, Ina gets up, Ona gets up, Una gets up, Lea gets up and Mia and myself, we get up; one by one we get up and each of us leaves the classroom and slams the door behind her. The fetus says: “A massacre of the unborn is the massacre of the innocents”, and Ena slams the door and shuts him up. The fetus says: “Rising against oneself and against the sanctity of life”, and Ina slams the door and the fetus must shut up. The fetus from the tape squeals like a pig and we all shut him up: “Shut up you fool, shut your mouth if you have it, kill yourself, if you’re not going to, we will”. The Fetus also tells us that the dictionary of foreign terms Vujaklija says that eugenics (from the Greek eu good, genea kin) is one of the most important branches of social policy: racial hygiene, i.e. science of prerequisites for healthy offspring, in bodily and social terms, i.e. for prevention of unhealthy offspring unfit for life. Then it says: “Mama, mama, what is going on? It was warm and dark and round, I am curled up, now you dismember me and throw me into a trash can where it is hard and cold”, and I slam the door. We cannot hear it anymore. We smoke in front of the school. We head for the pharmacy, we tell the lady: “Seven pregnancy tests, please.” “You want how many of what?

Do you have prescriptions kids? Any ID?” “Seven, you heard us you cow, we all want a test each. Generally, we share all things, but I will not pee on a test which was peed on and is soggy and

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Tanja Šljivar / ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO

wet already.” “Alright, here we go, the seven tests. That will be thirty-six convertible marks eighty pfennigs girls.” We gather our cash, we rustle and clink. Where did we get so much dough.

Who cares, here we go, goodbye, have a good one.”

(ENA: I will pee first ‘cause I fucked first.

MIA: I’ll be the second.

INA (knocks on the toilet door): Yo, you are not the only one pregnant, hurry.)

ANA: I pee on the flowers the perennial flowers if I could I would pee perennially in some walkway a flower bed is planted my pee has healthy ingredients maybe the flowers will bloom better someone passes, tsks. I am looking at the test we are all waiting we are waiting and the fourteen fat beautiful lines red lines appear simultaneously on the plastic, it is a beautiful magical scene it is a miracle of life the lines grow there was nothing at first and now it is something we had nothing none of us had anything and now suddenly we have something we have everything, we all have it all, there are suddenly two parallel little red lines on the white square we kiss each other we burst with happiness suddenly we high five each other, I say: “Congratulations I will be the godmother have you picked a name yet who is the father of the child fuck who is the dad?”

(ONA: I only got one line. Am I cursed or what?

UNA: Lucky you, I am not really up for this.)

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Tanja Šljivar / ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO

ANA: We walk further on the street which is not really a street but a dirty sludgy road and quagmire and I would like to take off all my clothes but I take only my jacket off and we go to the park and we smoke Ona lights my cigarette, Ona is down because she got only one line but IT means nothing we all say.

(INA: IT means nothing, don’t be afraid.)

We are sitting on a bench and we are sitting on a concrete pathway, below the bench we will catch a cold but who gives a shit, well now we need to have in mind that soon there will be fourteen of us it is a good number and if Ona is not pregnant there will be thirteen of us even better it is the best number matches our age the seven of us sit three on the bench and four on the concrete pathway and we hold the lighted cigarettes in our right hands and pregnancy tests in our left and we look ahead us we look at what is coming new lives that we will bring new lives that will happen to us the seven new lives of them brand new and another seven of ours which will also be renewed by the fact that something so big and so important happened to us.

We look ahead of us and we see seven little mouths crawling to our fourteen breasts and many diapers we buy and wash together we always get discounts because we buy in bulk and we exchange tips and recipes we also exchange kids who cares which belongs to whom we see it all in the distance, we see it all ahead of us we just don’t see our bodies they changed their contours they used to be slender as they are in this moment when we sit on the bench and we sit on the concrete pathway below the bench they used to be slender and then they rounded off and they disfigured and we could no longer see them while everything else on the horizon was crystal clear bright and clean.

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2. ENA ENA: Una and I pass through the park along three large streets over something that imitates a highway through the pedestrian zone by the stream over the meadow with dry burdocks pass by our school pass by the parking lot and over the bridge to finally reach the mall. In the mall we go to all the stores from the ground to the third floor we know them inside out by now sports shop underwear scarves and tunics store bags store Mango Zara Azel Second hand… We try on maternity dresses I take a photo of Una in the fitting room she truly glows as a real pregnant woman her cheeks are red. I send the photo to Lea and Mia Mia types: “It’s a bit early for that better go to Sport Vision try on the Nike Roshe One iD pink shoes that arrived just yesterday the shop attendant saved us seven pairs and send me photos of that not these wretched dresses.” Neither the elevator or the escalator function in the mall right now, there is a mother with a stroller a bit older than us, Una and I lift up the stroller without saying a word and carry it from the ground floor to the first floor. The mother says: “Thanks girls.”, she says: “you rock, great job girls, you will live to need that one day too.”

(ENA and UNA: That day is in eight months lady, but well.)

ENA: We grab a pljeskavica and lick ice creams after all that. We lick the ice cream and go back over the bridge by the parking and by our school over the meadow with burdocks by which time we have already finished the ice creams Una says she is not really sure about all this.

(UNA: I don’t know about the kids and all.)

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ENA: We wave our bags through the pedestrian zone we each bought a pair of stretchy maternity tights in the mall. Rope passes: “What’s up”, “What’s up”. We go over something that imitates a highway and an elderly cyclist comes our way he catcalls us grins screams.

(CYCLIST: You two sister are really pretty.

UNA and ENA: We’re not sisters.

CYCLIST: You’re not pretty either.

UNA and ENA: I wish you fell off that bicycle.)

ENA: In the park Una says that her grandpa worked nearby in millwright construction and her grandma always took walks with her mom when she was still little and they tried to see him, but he wasn’t much interested in seeing them so he was always hiding. Una says that her dad also worked nearby in accounting and her mom and she always walked around in the park when she was little wishing to meet him, but he also wasn’t too interested in seeing them and she is thinking if she will walk her daughter by the hand and will Đole ignore her or not.

(UNA: So, it would be best to get rid of this.)

ENA: “When your daughter learns to walk, and when you take her hand there will be a bubble around you. An impenetrable bubble

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will form around you and when you are with her nobody will be able to touch you and you will not give a fuck whether Đole ignores you or not. And I will be there and my daughter and Ana and hers and Ina and hers and Ona but we still don’t know if she’s getting a daughter or not Lea and Mia and their daughters and we will all hold each other’s hand and everyone will move out of our way”, this I say to Una. Una takes the medical report out from her pocket we are sitting on a bench in the park it is too hot to stay there for too long she is reading it aloud. The report reads: “Cervix conical marginal redness weak cervical mucus Uterus normal size movable insusceptible adnexal area insusceptible parametrium free. Vulvoscopy vestibular papillomatosis transformation zone closed type finding: pregnancy, week seven.” Una says the doctor told her everyone knows, for example, that children don’t have sex that’s why we are forbidden to talk about it, that’s why eyes are closed and ears shut whenever children come and present evidence to the contrary and why silence is imposed, full and premeditated. And that the doctor told her during the ultrasound: “You cannot be pregnant how come you’re pregnant dear child I need to check this again.” The doctor rubs her eyes and sticks fingers in her ears and pushes deeper the big probe lubricated with gel and there is something shapeless on the screen, and we both hear: “Tic-tac tic-tac tic-tac tic-tac.” The heart beats and it’s not mine it’s not hers either and still it beats and we both pick our ears but it goes on: “Tic-tac tic-tac.” I don’t want to cry in front of her I would not start crying for anything in the world and she says: “Most probably you will not be able to bring this pregnancy to term. You can deliver a stillborn you can deliver a premature your infant can have an early or late stage of congenital syphilis I don’t know how you’re going to face your parents how will you tell this boy what were you thinking you empty heads. It is concerning that thirteen-year-old girls have sex but that is obviously a trend nowadays. No no no this is not true you are little at your age, call me primitive and conservative, but sex at 13 I cannot support you figure out what you’re going to do

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but don’t come to me anymore I cannot monitor you terminate advise help examine listen to heart beats recommend a diet, go to the community medical center I don’t want to see your face again.” All this Una tells me the doctor told her.

(UNA: She sent me to fucking hell, more or less.)

ENA: I was lucky on the other hand, my doctor was smiling bright attentive and ready to help I found her on lunaticdiscount. com a check-up costs 15 marks and tests pregnancy 100% without Pap smear though but as if I need all that now what can one do. The doctor did not send me to hell she told me to rejoice because I am full of grace blessed among the women blessed is the fruit of my womb. I tell her. “It’s not just me that is pregnant, my six friends are as well I am just asking if they are also full of grace blessed and are the fruits of their wombs too.” The doctor gives me six business cards and says that she cannot say anything up front and she must check at a rate of 15 convertible marks Pap smear excluded but with 100% pregnancy determination to which extent is each one of my friends full of grace blessed and if their fruits are blessed and healthy. The doctor says that she understands that we are young, white women: “I understand that you talked and decided together about the pregnancy and that it is a positive thing for you.” The doctor says that modesty decency honesty shame are concepts we the children do not understand and do not apply in our everyday life practice. I say: “We do understand them it’s just that we define them differently Mrs. doctor.” The doctor then says: “I understand perfectly I know, of course, children have their sexuality too, we cannot, not at all, go back to the old conceptions of children as pure of children as those who do not know what sexuality is. I perfectly understand but all of us doctors medical professionals psychiatrists psychologists know we also know we know perfectly well that children’s

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sexuality is a specific sexuality with all its specific forms and manifestations, with all its specific periods of maturity and culminations, with all its specific instincts and latency periods. It is an innocent territory, sexual territory of course, but a territory which must preserve its innocence. We the grown-ups will thus intervene in that territory as guarantors of its sovereignty and guarantors of the specificity of children’s sexuality in order to protect it. Finally, children must be protected from their own desires so we the educational professionals medical doctors parents will fight children’s masturbation as an epidemics that must be rooted out completely but darling please feel free to tell your friends to come and see me I will monitor your pregnancies to their terms.”

(UNA: We better all then go to yours.)

We quickly type: “We found a doctor she will monitor all our pregnancies no problem.” Ana Ina Ona Lea and Mia are happy, they say: “Cool.” They say: “Send the number to make an appointment.” I type. “I took her cards, we’re cool.” It is hot and soon we will have to get up from the bench in the park but for now we’re still on it. In general, I cannot say that Una and I find the park now boring and stupid, I would just like to see the park cleaned to see more people in the park and for people to take better care of it.

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3. INA INA: #bosnianteen #bosniangirlsdoitbetter #fun #grandma #morning #morningsickness #pregnant I make a selfie with grandma next to me in bed. I am in a white tank top, grandma still sleeps in a pink nightgown, you can see only her one eye, both of mine, naturally, and my round pouting mouth, I send it to our Facebook group bulimics I can’t wait to see who threw up what this morning. We are not really bulimics like those pathetic girls from grade six-three we are just having loads of fun, and we are also pregnant so we have morning sickness and all that, as it should be, naturally. Ana threw up a hot dog, she sends a photo. I type quickly: “Looks like a dick hohoho.” Lea responds: “I feel like I’m going to throw up when he pushes it too deep hohoho.” She threw up corn flakes and cow milk but that’s because of the cream that forms on warm fresh raw milk not because she wants to be thin or because she is pregnant, we still don’t know about her is she pregnant or not. I get up, grandma still snores, I spread a thick layer of ajvar on a fat slice of bread, my vomit is orange #orangeisthenewblack. Mia threw up the entire sandwich and I swear to god you can see all the ingredients. #bulimia #teengirls #fun #mymorningroutine I heat my water and I make my tea!!! I heat my water in grandma’s pot, red with white polka dots, and I spill some on my crotch just for fun and the rest of the water I use to make Turkish coffee for grandma and myself. It’s like a tattoo, it stays on the skin to make you remember the day, then you treat it with calendula cream and it heals leaving just a small scar, then you have to spill it again and you do the entire routine from the start. Normally it’s fruit and yogurt!!! Normally it’s bacon, but I wouldn’t throw up bacon, or pork cracklings not ever. And of course, my phone is near me. I take photos of bacon, I send it to them. They type:

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(ANA: Yeeeeeech!

ENA: Oh for fuck’s sake!

Go back to Villageville.

LEA: Village wench!

MIA: If you’re pregnant you’re not dead.)

INA: #teengirl 311,284 posts I post my photo after photos of: legs crossed loose and a short dress, a smile saying hehehe I am a girly girl, blonde hair and eyebrows high, the bed I sleep in with my grandma, athletic butt bulging into the lens, pink towel, rainbow swimsuit and a pendant which as if accidentally falls over the tits, a photo of me having dinner with an old pervert that’s when I first tasted clams it was all on the school trip, he said: “I want to lick your little pussy I want to suck out its juices like I suck the flesh of this clam” I threw up because of the clams not because of what he said they are disgusting, Pepsi Cola, colorful sports tank top, animal print, a limpy dick over a hairy belly, that post got 0 likes we all saw it but I wouldn’t give a like when it’s not in erection no way, a toilet selfie, adidas top, naked butt with cellulite, nose piercing, PM: girls send me nudes I am horny af, heels black laced from toes to ankles, motivation message: The problem is the girl thinks he will change he won’t.

When I posted the photo I immediately got six likes from my six girls, grandma woke up and she didn’t really know where she’s at. She always gets up after me and always goes directly to the river behind the house. It is a creek really but grandma is as blind as a bat knows nothing so to her it’s the river from her youth. She’d like to jump and soak her dress and nightgown

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under her dress and to swim but she keeps having the feeling that her dress can drag her down to the sludgy bottom full of green algae and all other things creepy and slimy. But she can’t see anything in front of her she looks at the horizon and the fog but cannot discern what is in it, whether it is quagmire or a river or a creek or a mountain, just like I cannot discern the past like I don’t know whether it was Andrija or Stefan or Marko or Dražen or Avdo or the religion teacher, in the same way the image in front of my grandma is not very clear to her, for example, if grandma could take a picture of it she simply wouldn’t know which hashtag to put maybe #mountains #tbt or #river #creek or #current #torrent or #youth or #crazy or #crazyyouth. Grandma has an empty stare and an empty brain and an empty heart all is empty but her bowels and bladder.

Then she goes back to the house then to bed then falls asleep again and I have to wake her up again. Grandma started shitting her pants. They only have baby diapers in the store, which is good news for the seven of us, bad for the old hag. I don’t want to put those on her, unless I have to. I have to make a special order of adult diapers in the pharmacy. I don’t find it gross that I have to wipe her, I would rather do that to her than to this thing growing inside of me. Because grandma wiped me too, for sure, and I cannot know about this wrinkled loaf that drinks up everything in me, that sucks up all my strength and all the bacon I ate and when I smoke it smokes with me and when I sleep it fucking wakes me, I cannot know whether it will wipe me when and if needed or not. Thy will all say: “Baby’s skin is savory and soft, grandma’s skin is smelly and shriveled”, well, I will not say that, shit is a shit is a shit and at least grandma does not scream or wiggle while I wipe her. I take off her huge white pants, grandma always took good care of herself and wore top quality underwear from Srbac, I see grandma’s clitoris under a few rare hairs. I think for the shortest second I think whether to touch that part of her which she maybe never which maybe nobody ever which maybe she is not aware exists which she maybe more often than I which maybe, like I wait every night for

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her to fall asleep, she waits every night for me to fall asleep to be able to touch it. Only for a second I look at the fluffy hairs old goose skin and I realize I can’t it is hers it is not mine although it may have made her feel better. Grandma knows she is going somewhere soon she knows she already set off there she knows I will join her in fifty years or so and that comforts her a little, or it doesn’t comfort her, she knows things are not better here because grandma did not get here yesterday but over there things are not much different as well she knows that things are not good anywhere she knows I will lie next to her tonight she will shit her pants and diapers while I’m frigging myself, maybe she knows nothing maybe she just looks in front her and thinks of the best hashtag for the river from her youth which is in fact just a dried out sludgy slimy creek. Well then, I drink the wretched coffee alone and I puff and the bent little trinket is getting smoked in me and soaked in caffeine in me, I will get him used to the best things from at first hand, he will be my king. I am in week nine now and you can see the buds on legs and arms in places where fingers will grow. So, next week I will have a chemistry test and I will have an abortion, I will be in week ten, and that’s when sex organs form followed by hands and feet so I will be able to legitimately say at first hand and it will be true in a way. Grandma sits on the straw in the chicken coop pigsty stable because we crammed them all in one, if grandma and I can share the bed hens and pigs can share the dirt. Grandma sits and looks in front of her she does not see me she sits next to slaughtered hens next to jugulated beheaded pheasants next to little pigs that are still alive and sniff grandma’s belly she could not do anything to them or maybe didn’t want to. The carcasses are neatly lying next to each other they still don’t even stink don’t stink at all they smell nicely they are mouth-watering, pheasant soup chicken soup I want all that only the soup does not make me puke in week nine. Grandma with an empty stare looks at the pheasant and the hen beheaded and that is the most beautiful thing I saw in my life it is more beautiful than the fourteen thick lines on the tests. I sit next to her I take photos of everything

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from above we all fit in the photo I post it right away and the number of followers grows slowly but surely, it grows like my nails like fetus’ nails like grandma’s nails with every passing second people become aware that what I posted is special, it exist only today and never again that pheasant’s beheaded and girl’s pouted and grandma’s shitted trelfie is not something you see every day. #trelfie #hunting #grandmaisgoneabitcrazy I put her hand on my belly, I say: “Hey grandma, you may live to see a great-grandchild, imagine that. What have you done grandma?”, I ask her. “Tell me then what was your delivery like, here on the straw, right? I figure it’s not a big deal? You strain like you’re about to poop you do that every day anyways several times and it’s no big deal? Why did you slaughter the fowl grandma are you fucking out of your mind fuck grandma what are you looking at?” And to all that grandma says nothing at all.

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4. ONA ONA: Nobody ever, nobody ever in all this long time, nobody in the street the shop at the doctor’s none of the teachers fathers mothers aunts sisters-in-law spouse’s brother’s wives sisters of a brother’s or sister’s spouse nobody ever, nobody ever asked us how IT happened that we got pregnant. None of us can remember precisely how IT happened with whom IT happened why IT happened because everything is mixed up everything is brittle everything is fragile like the bones on my back which Marko maybe broke on the school trip or maybe did not. Maybe Marko watched facial abuse porn every morning before the school trip and during the school trip and in the bus and in the toilet and in class and begged me cried screamed: “Let’s try this just once”, I said: “Alright, I will sit down, there are plenty of chairs in the hotel room, you bind my eyes arms legs and jam it down to my tonsils”. Everyone knows that even though YOU CANNOT get pregnant orally you can contract sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes or HIV, the virus causing the incurable disease AIDS. Everyone knows that, therefore condoms must be used in oral sex too which we nevertheless never did. So, if someone asks, and they won’t, I definitely did not get pregnant with Marko on the chair. I said: “Alright, let’s do IT”, I thought maybe something is going to happen afterwards, but nothing did, and maybe he could only suspect in his wildest dreams how nice IT is when a girl just opens her mouth wide and cannot move a finger or a toe but he never dared say it out loud that he wants it so he kept quiet as a mouse and hoped that I myself will just start sucking it. And maybe Lea was with Marko, not me. There are a couple of chairs in the hotel room, there’s a bed with green bugs in it, never mind, better to have a bug in the bed than a grandma in the bed like Ina. There is old worn wallpaper in the hotel room, we used chewing gum to stick inflated condoms on it like balloons, we got them in school during an info session on teenage pregnancy, they also told us 31

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then that the Department for Children and Family published a list of risk factors for Teenage Pregnancy Strategic Management Groups with the aim of identifying all of us under risk. Some of the listed factors are: (ANA: Early engagement in sexual activity.

ENA: Behavioral disorders.

INA: Alcohol and substance abuse.

UNA: Being a daughter of a teenage mother.

LEA: Neglect of school obligations.

MIA: Ethnicity.)

ONA: ...and so on. They told us that it is an official position of their institution that any subjective intention of the future mother should be neglected. They also told us that, of course, monitoring of all teenagers that match the categorization and our “protection” from pregnancy is quite an extensive work, but all the seven of us immediately checking in Hotel San on Facebook even before we peed, took a dump or unpacked and made their extensive monitoring work at least a bit easier.

Seven condoms-balloons hang from the worn wallpaper in room 113 in Hotel San, we brought them here just in case because we knew that each of us matches the categorization in this way or another, I for example show three risk factors,

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Lea between two and four, and Ena is doomed from the start because her mom got her as a teen. There is also a bathroom in the hotel room with rust in it and a clogged toilet and a square mirror in a white plastic frame and a neon light above it so I need a crystal ball to figure out what switches on the light what the heater what the boiler what the main light, I only care about good frontal lighting for eyebrow plucking everything else will work. There are no hangers in the hotel room but there are three extra blankets, Vučko is on one of them, he is like a mark of the Olympic games that once took place here a thousand years ago, when an Olympic torch was burning and some people gathered in this godforsaken middle-of-nowhere in this very hotel room to watch bobsled rides curling ski jumps and all the other intriguing disciplines and winter sports, like the seven of us here and now. Someone must have, sometimes in the previous century, in this room, like us now, put seven toothbrushes in the bathroom seven eyebrow tweezers seven eyelash curlers seven make up foundations seven mascaras seven eyeshadows seven lip glosses seven lipsticks seven powders seven upper lip hair removal strips seven combs seven gels seven perfumes seven eyeliners lipliners eyebrow liners nose liners ear liners and then gone out to watch jumps and downhills.

(LEA: I want a tattoo of this Vučko character. Nobody will know what it is, I can claim it’s a tribal if I want to.

MIA: Let’s do that when we get back home, we will buy you a tattoo on lunaticdiscount.com for your birthday.

ONA: Now I can only pierce your belly button.)

Ana lights a cigarette, Ena lights a joint, Ina a scented candle, I light a sewing needle and plunge it into Lea’s belly button. Lea

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screams a little. Una lights an incense stick, Mia just plays with the lighter. Thirteen years ago, the stupid midwife randomly molded the shape of this protuberance on Lea’s otherwise perfect belly, she carelessly cut and tied it she did not care a bit and did not understand that every part of a girl’s body can and must be shaped aiming for perfection, and she did not understand that we are our own sculptures and mistresses and that we have the entire life to play with our own skins and fleshes and that we are doing so. I fixed an error, a stupid error of an idiotic midwife and Lea’s belly button is now perfect as is her belly as are all her moles around it and her breasts. There is a purple zircon in it now which we saw today in a window of the only jewelry store in this air spa with tons of tourism potentials and despite having no money I bought it for her because I wanted her to get a token from me and from this day. We post it right away on Instagram on Facebook on Twitter, I Skype my mom to show her she says: “You are insane what are you doing?!” I say: “We will pierce her whole body by the end of the evening”, mom cuts off. Everybody in the basement of the club knows now because of this posted photo that this connection which Lea had with her mother through her belly button as well as the one I had with mine over Skype is once and forever cut right now with this needle prick. All the things we lighted we lean against the condoms-balloons, all the seven pop: “Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum”, and now nothing can be seen from the smoke from everything we burnt from the popped latex, nothing can be seen past present future nothing, the only source of light in the entire room the only thing showing us something pointing towards something is Lea’s purple zircon. From the source of all things from the origin of the world from the navel from the perfect badly tied but quite well pierced belly button comes the purple light radiates through the smoky room and shows us our youth and tells us: “NOW YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT / NOW YOU ARE YOUNG / AS OF TONIGHT YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT / TONIGHT YOU WILL CONCEIVE.” If someone asks, and they won’t, we did not get pregnant in room 113 of Hotel San we did not get our

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seven evolutionarily significant magical membranes pierced our seven hymens our seven male phantasmagories which bleed exclusively upon their touch pressure and will, in hotel room 113 of Hotel San only seven condoms-balloons and one belly button were pierced and all this has been duly recorded and filmed and can be found at https://www.instagram.com/Ona2003/. #schooltrip 14, 392 posts There is a hotel in the air spa and a basement in the hotel and a club in the basement and us in the club singing in seven voices: “We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time it’s miserable and magical uh oh I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 22”, because we have all been Swifties for three and half years now and she is not just a singer to us, like Red is not just a color, like 1989 is not just a year.

Suddenly, crazy Mia is not with us, she sends us a video, she Simke Ozra Rale and the homeroom teacher are dancing kolo in the wedding venue above us and holler. Two to the left two to the right and then “opsa sa”, and in the background the Užičko kolo matrix plays on the keyboards. She writes: (MIA: Behold the homeroom teacher’s double chin and my fake nail dug into it.

LEA: This needs no filters at all.

UNA: Top! MIA: #nofilter #schooltrip #onceajerkalwaysajerk) ONA: By the number of instant likes and views this video beats even the photo of Lea’s piercing, Sanja from grade seven-two hastily reposts her first bra spring selfie from the toilet along with

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#like4like #like4follow #like4tag# #follow4follow #follow4like #follow4tag #tag4tag #tag4like #tag4follow. Mia and the homeroom teacher dance kolo they won’t stop, two to the left two to the right, Mia keeps sending everything I show Stefke the video to show him something funny, he says: “You are stupid cows you are hens.” I think he doesn’t get the fact that things stay on the internet forever that time can be stopped on the internet and that in a hundred years when our bones skins skulls disintegrate it will be possible to find this video and see it, he doesn’t get that. Exhausted from the kolo dance, the homeroom teacher does not withdraw until she is convinced that every girl is in her room every boy is in his room that girls sleep with girls and boys sleep with boys, the homeroom teacher comes to us in room 113 of Hotel San, she says: “Good, girls, I got frightened, where are Ana and Ena if their room is empty where are Ina and Ona if their room is empty, and now I see you’re all sleeping together, good.”

(GIRLS ALL TOGETHER: Naturally.)

ONA: Before she closes the door the homeroom teacher adds that the beds must be separated by barriers up to two meters high, it is a 1809 French lycee standard, unfortunately this was not the standard or the good practice of socialist architecture and now we cannot influence whether you see each other naked and so on. The next morning after breakfast during which I consumed a soda a Turkish coffee white bread scrambled eggs and one slice of tomato, I sit in the hotel pool, we all sit, in the area with underwater massagers of different intensities surrounded by old ladies who have taken all the massagers. I sit in the pool and think: “God give me the strength to ignore get over all the pathetic people”, and he gives me strength, I sit in the pool and put my sunglasses on even though it’s an indoor pool just not to have to look at all the pathetic people around me doing swan

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dives doing front flips splashing screaming submerging sitting on the edge of the pool swimming butterfly swimming front crawl swimming freestyle. During the school trip there was a moment at the pool when bodies were displayed freely and mixed at our will and when the more informed and bolder more adventurous girls existed independently from the laughter and aspirations of the adults, independently from the laughter of old ladies soaking next to us, there was a moment when all the bodies were displayed my body old lady’s body boy’s body doing swan dives from the springboard, there was a moment of direct gestures of shameless words of ultimate and absolute display.

If someone asks, and they won’t, we did not get pregnant in the pool in the section with underwater massagers of different intensities. Suddenly everyone stopped screaming suddenly there was silence at the pool suddenly all the women went silent all the boys went silent the seven of us went silent, suddenly you could only hear the burble of water that massaged old ladies’ thighs and old ladies’ pelvises. In the silence, in the silence that suddenly set in, Ana thinks about Marko who might have been inside her last night or not, Ena thinks that Dražen might have said to her: “Fuck, I can’t get it up with you”, if she only had time to read the oral sex tutorials something would have happened, but maybe nothing would have, and Ina thinks how Avdo’s was never down except when he had to put on a condom, I think how I didn’t want anyone to touch me and they took my bed too so I fell asleep in an empty tub unfilled with water so last night felt a bit like now in this pool, Una thinks how she listened to: “I want your love and I want your disease”, and she though there is something special worthy of attention in these lyrics and thinks why she needed all that last night, Lea thinks that the pierced belly button hurt more than the pierced hymen but that she didn’t want that Instagramed but remembered, Mia thinks why she didn’t get a Brazilian so now swollen little lumps of hair are discernable under her swim panties but she remembers that she read in the OK magazine: “The best you can do with your pubic hair... is what you want to do, because you don’t dress

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like your friends so you don’t have to shave your pubic hair if they do”, and she feels a bit better or not. The water massages us, we think. The water is around our thighs and around our belly buttons and our bodies are different from the water and from what might have happened to us last night or might have not. Something irrevocable happened to us on the school trip.

The contours of our bodies changed without us exactly knowing how where why with whom how much for what when. I sit in the pool in the section with massagers of different intensities and I think: “If the water stops running now stops massaging me I will stop breathing the world will stop spinning”. It is hard endlessly hard for me to comprehend that the school trip pool massagers were THEN and THERE, and that I am, when trying to say this, in this godforsaken place HERE and NOW. It is hard but it is so.

And our pregnant bodies we cannot expose freely and we can no longer exist independently from the laughter and aspirations of adults, independently from the laughter of old ladies that now tsk and spit when they pass our seven bodies. The perfect silence the perfect opportunity to display bodies in the pool on the school trip is interrupted by Una who says: (UNA: You know Jasmine Thompson said that even though she is only fourteen she made most of her dreams come true.)

ONA: We all think and know we then have a year to make all our dreams come true and it is a lot, it is more than enough if Jasmine did it so can we. We all think and know that nothing will be the same after the school trip.

GIRLS ALL TOGETHER: If anyone ever asks us if you ask us, and you don’t: “How was it was the party amazing were we drunk or drugged or out of our minds”, if you ask us, and you don’t care we know, WE DO NOT KNOW how it was nobody knows that and NOW our fertile

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wombs carry the fertile future ours and yours and it may no longer exist tomorrow if we undergo the fetus removal from the uterus and all that before the human fetus is capable of life, be aware we can only if we wanted to, we just need a parent or a guardian to sign a consent here and here, it will happen it must happen before week twenty eight of the pregnancy, to fit the definition of abortion the length of the fetus must be lesser than thirty five centimeters weight lesser than one thousand grams however the set requirements are not absolute.

ONA: The moment of aspiration the moment of display the moment of underwater massage in the pool was absolute. The requirements for abortion are not absolute.

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5. UNA UNA: “I don’t want this shit inside of me, fuck it”, says Ena who stands in the middle of my room, she stands barefoot, she stands surrounded by posters on the walls. “We had our share of fun and that’s over, I know you don’t want to either you have been reserved and skeptical about all this from the very start. ‘Let’s do it ourselves somehow, let’s do it to each other, so that Ana doesn’t find out, so that Ina doesn’t find out, so that Ona doesn’t find out, she would take it badly it would make things worse when she doesn’t even know for sure whether she’s pregnant or not, so that Lea and Mia don’t find out.” I try to tell her that the ultimate difference we as a society know all about the ultimate difference between the world of the child and the world of the adult is also the difference also in the interpretation of the nature of the future we carry in our seven wombs. There is too much future in our wombs, there is a surplus of future, as much future as our local community cannot bear and that future must not happen, and the two of us feel that and the two of us know that intuitively and them other five not really. “We will get rid of the future, we will dispose of the future, we will take care of it”, I say to Ena. But, but, but, I remind her that for any termination of pregnancy in case a woman is younger than 16 or a woman is completely deprived of working ability a written consent by parents or guardians is required. If the consent cannot be provided by parents or guardians, and it can’t because my mom is crazy about the idea of becoming a grandmother, due to their absence or disability, a consent shall be obtained from the competent guardianship authority, and I have no idea what that is so now we need to figure out our options any way we can.

Ina types what she puked, Ena and I receive Viber messages simultaneously.

(INA: Hot dog.

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ONA: Cow milk.

ENA(to UNA): We must pretend we are not together so they don’t figure us out.

UNA: Eggs sunny side up.)

UNA: We quickly think, google available methods, we consider what is feasible in this room under these posters we study the tutorial for abortion using Thai abdomen massage and excessive yoga practice, I dig in the drawers I scatter everything on the floor do I have a sharp object an umbrella wire bicycle wheel wire fence wire a hanger made of metal wire sewing needle knitting needle a hat pin crochet hooks longer and sharper hair clips, we have the option to overdose with vitamin C tansy chlorine bleach turpentine gin Pepsi Cola and wait or to cobble together some sort of a catheter using some hose for example from the vacuum cleaner or the washing machine or to lie down on the floor and hold hands look at the ceiling and breathe. For now we opted for the last option, we both look at the ceiling we are silent and although it has not been proven that visualization can provoke abortion we know that we conceived in a natural manner and we will get rid of this in a natural manner if we devote our entire lives to the achievement of that goal if we eat sleep breathe visualizing uterine mucosa bleeding out visualizing menstruation which is, by definition we learned during Libresse pads promotion in school, a comprising part of women’s lives and a preparation for the creation of new tiny human beings this thought, however, disrupts the focus I just reached because then, fuck it, it means that when I abort I immediately have to start preparing for the creation of new tiny human beings it is all a bit too strenuous but I breathe and keep silent I breathe and keep silent, and the moment I

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feel something is about to move I hear: “What’s with these needles, what are you doing”, my cheerful mom says, my mom in a colorful cotton dressing gown, my mom who entered the poster-filled room without knocking, naturally. “It is interesting that you two, fans and supporters of abortion and those who almost attempted a self-induced abortion, managed to get born and, of course, nobody attempted an abortion on you two while you were in your mother’s while you were in my womb. People say, so I heard, look at the daughter and you will see the mother.

And vice versa. It cannot be applied on us two, I look at you and see nothing of myself”, says my mom while her presence in my poster-filled room irrevocably changes the light in the room changes the smell in the room changes the atmosphere in the room and makes completely impossible the visualization that Ena and I aspired to while we lay on the floor looking at the ceiling. Over the colorful dress my mom wears a black bathrobe and the whole room blackens in her presence, she submerses me she submerses Ena she submerses both fetuses in our wombs with her blackness, only her white well-groomed hands stick out from under the black bathrobe. “‘Alright, you are growing up, you are getting independent and soon you will not need your mom like you used to until now and it scares me a bit but I know girls have the right to different experiments regarding their appearance, and body and life, and even if you make a mistake or overdo it – it is part of growing up, searching for an identity and a place in the world. And it is definitely easier with moms who like me like to put make up on and dress nicely.

Even this thing with the abortion, it is all an experiment - we move on. It is important that you girls conceived during the experiment. Don’t I know this wretched village well I know the small-minded peasant eyes and ears and mouth I know how they when I was your age or a bit older followed every step I and your father took, I know that our small villagelife pleasures can quickly turn into a subject of collective intolerance even court proceedings, medical intervention meticulous clinical trials and entire theoretical elaborations, but let me not bore you with

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that the most important thing is that you’re pregnant and that it stays that way. Because girls, procreation happened, you are forgiven for everything for everything and anything because you conceived you did not have barren acrobatic sex, because you, after all, brought a valuable result of all that from the school trip, and remember it once and for all the border between the allowed and unallowed in sex is conception.” Mom says that happiness can be found in certain objects and in certain bodies and in certain shapes and that object that body that shape can be a baby’s leg its round head, for example. Take me, for example, I found happiness in you, Una, and happiness in this black bathrobe. Mom says that certain realities certain social certain societal realities our republic our high representative our national coordinator certain ways of structuring explaining interpreting organizing realities will outlive us and that is why the two of us must give birth. And then mom turns on the television flips through channels until she finds a teen movie. Mama Ena and I sit on the floor our backs leaning on the couch and watch a teen movie. Mom does not change channels even during the sex scene of two teenagers mom is not uncomfortable me and Ena are not uncomfortable mom understands that we already know what that is and that now that we are pregnant it is allowed to finish watching something like that without changing the channel. And then we put make up on mom Ena and I, mom lets us use her waterproof mascara with XXL effect and smoke her Slims, then mom wants us to dye her hair, “My roots are already showing.”

(MAMA: Come on girls, why not.)

We receive Viber messages from Ina inviting the seven of us to go for a coffee, “Fuck it mom, some other time.” And then a terrible epilogue happened and a new horror among elementary school students but the girls us the seven of us recovered well from pregnancy termination and shock. Before we leave the room the house before we order warm Nescafe with whipped

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cream and strawberry juice with whipped cream on the café terrace under a sunshade, I tell her: “Mom please change that black bathrobe I can’t look at you anymore”, I tell her that and Ena nods her head enthusiastically.

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6. LEA LEA: This one time Marko said something beautiful, he said: “We will build Novo Grahovo we will build a new town and that’s called the revolution, in Berlin there are squats all the young people are broke but they all live together not like you and me broke but living with good for nothing grandmothers and grandfathers and fathers and mothers they sleep under fusty germinated ceilings but not like you and me under another bed in which a pissed brother is sleeping, they are high all the time but not like you and me from the stove gas that gives you a headache but from the best MDMA, Novo Grahovo will have many concrete blocks such were built by Tito and his architects and his workers and my grandpa was a construction worker, we will build Novo Grahovo, drugs on every corner, beds on every floor just for fucking not for sleeping, we all sleep on the floor on pallets on mattresses whatever you find there are no plants ‘cause who’s going to water them”, and I thought how beautiful it is, how smart it is, how it is the future, his and mine, how new it is like this thing in me and I tell him that.

(LEA: I am pregnant.

MARKO: Definitely not with me.

LEA: Not with you. Definitely.)

LEA: Marko says there are barriers everywhere around us we cannot be free. Marko says: “It is a system of barriers but in Novo Grahovo we will ourselves make available ourselves make possible the infinite lines the infinite opportunities for penetration.”

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(MARKO: How do you know you are pregnant?)

LEA: I was bathing in a pond in the creek behind the house and a frog hopped over jumped on my head, it said: “Your wish will come true, you will soon get a daughter. I took a tumid worm I picked it up from the ground and from the rotten leaves and peed on it the worm started producing sperm like crazy and that was the sign that I am pregnant. To make sure the result is reliable I used five worms in one test series and they all behaved similarly, they rippled turned wriggled released white sticky slimy liquid rolled and slugged in it. And the pregnancy reflects in the eyes as well, you also know that and the bird sang nicely today, the rooster from our yard responded to cuckoo’s song and that is always a good sign for any gal in the house, plus I feel like a boiler since the school trip that’s how I know. I shoved a clove of garlic into my vagina before bed and I did not have bad breath in the morning and that is sign that no less than an embryo got in the way of the free flow of matter from the abdomen into other bodily parts that it got in the way of smell spreading through the body. “I found three rats in the basement which have not yet reached sexual maturity and I peed on all three, said Marko.

I peed on all of them but I killed only one I cut open its insides my urine enlarged its ovaries and its ovaries were the color of red strawberry and that was the sign I am pregnant. To make sure the result is reliable the animal may not be killed with gas ether chloroform but it must be killed by a sharp blow, which I did with pleasure, said Marko. As the test result was positive after the first attempt, I allowed the other two animals to live.

And when there is no other way to determine the pregnancy, the eyes will tell, look me in the eyes and you will see”, Marko tells me all of this. “We are children, Lea, and childhood in addition to being a form of life and a sort of life and an age category of an individual, childhood is also a morphology with discreet anatomy and mysterious physiology. In childhood it

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is not entirely clear what a hole you possess represents and what a bulge I possess represents and they are easily mutually replaceable. I too have mammary glands in my breasts and they hurt I feel them under my skin in the tissue and if I try hard I can make them produce milk if I try hard they can release streams of white liquid from my dark nipples when our baby’s mouth latches. I also have lactiferous ducts and oxytocin and prolactin I thus have hormones which serve milk production and if an intensive simulation of my breasts and my nipples occurs I can certainly bring myself to a state of lactation.” I tell him I have all the early symptoms of pregnancy such as irritability and if we were in a squat right now in Novo Grahovo I would probably lose my shit from all the people and filthiness but we’re not, I tell him that I have all the symptoms such as shortness of breath and dizziness and giddiness and morning sickness. He says that he also has everything I do he says he has irritability and tender breasts.

(MARKO: I feel sleepy.

LEA: I feel sick.

MARKO: I pee non-stop.

LEA: I have a headache.

MARKO: And a backache.

LEA: I have cramps.

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MARKO: And strange cravings for strange food.)

LEA: You and I have the fruit of love despite not having love for each other or for anyone else or for ourselves we have its fruit you will bring it to this world I will bring it to this world whatever.

Marko lights a joint inhales a puff and gives it to me and I inhale a puff now that we’re both pregnant the high is better, we are surrounded by smoke and haze we look ahead of us we see Novo Grahovo on the horizon and all its concrete blocks and all its lights on windows this is where our kid will grow, and we still don’t know which one of us will give birth whether it’ll be him or me or both together at the same time. Marko then feels a bit sick Marko then says that it’s better not to try to get pregnant ‘cause people say they know how it feels but they have no idea, “This is pure madness, I swear.” Only two people only two bodies, male body and female body, your body and my body, cannot raise feed educate rock bring up a child any better than just one body one male body or one female body than my body alone or your body alone, it requires that all all all seven of us and our seven children and imagine one of us carries twins, it could be Ena she has some signs of twin or multiple pregnancy things are always augmented with her or even triples quadruplets quintuplets septuplets and you seven that we got pregnant with and all our fourteen parents and all grandmas and grandpas who are still alive and everyone else from the village, all eighteen thousand seven hundred thirteen inhabitants will be required to raise one single child in Novo Grahovo and that will be a rule. Marko and I sit on concrete cubes they were built in old Grahovo in our Grahovo in the Grahovo we live in now and not in the future not in Novo Grahovo not in the future our child will bring, a new child and the cubes are not much but will suffice to us now stoned bloated swollen pregnant. Marko lies on my belly sees the piercing sees the purple zircon sees another thing which in addition to the fruit of love in my belly

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I have been carrying since the school trip. Marko says: “Purple is nice purple is good we can paint purple some walls in the squat.” Marko falls asleep I watch his face on my belly, I can’t fall asleep I want to tell him that the seven of us came up with all that that we made a deal that that we wanted our children to be born the new world in Novo Grahovo that we made a pact but he sleeps so I say absolutely nothing to him.

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7. MIA MIA: The seven of us lie on my bed in my room, we are squeezed together, sometimes one of us rolls over and falls to the floor sometimes one of us goes and sits on the rocking chair sometimes Ina goes to the computer to play something else because Youtube autoplay can also fuck up it is not perfect and plays Usher from 2003, for fuck’s sake. Our seven bellies are time-bombs of the future of our village and our tiny little state and our parents and our teachers and our own selves. Our seven bellies were supposed to give birth to the future, were supposed to bring the cute chubby children to change them and lift them and lower them and rock them and our bellies contained sevenfold of what had direct access to entirety totality future, that which can bring back the smiles on our faces, but we were not up to smiling. We pumped out our bellies, we aborted we all aborted, the national coordinator for reproductive health said we must all terminate our pregnancies, it was necessary for preservation of our health and protection from complications. The entire village, they are all outside, only we are inside, in the room, on the bed. Walls separate us, and posters put up on them also separate us. Everybody from our village looks at the horizon for an appearance or a revelation but they can no longer see the contours of their bodies there. They are all outside, the entire god forsaken place, eighteen thousand and seven hundred thirteen inhabitants hold lighted cigarettes in their right hands and mobile phones in their left hands and take photos of the wretched fog on the horizon and ask themselves where the future lies now, and they already know that they made us kill it. They are all outside, and us seven are inside.

(ANA: But. ENA: There’s a chance.

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INA: Small, but still a chance.

ONA: That we’re still pregnant, that we never had abortions.

UNA: Everybody in the god forsaken place trembles out of fear, I feel sick and dizzy, I am obviously pregnant again.

LEA: We are time- bombs of the future, we will explode in nine eight seven months.

MIA: Time stops in my room forever because the future exists no longer because we killed it seven times. We can finally see our contours clearly and again, I see Lea’s piercing up close and the hole Ona pierced in her, Lea sees Una’s belly button, Una sees Ona’s waxed lower stomach, Ona sees Ina’s slightly bloated belly from water, Ina sees Ena’s pimple on the upper belly, Ena sees Ana’s pores on the belly, Ana sees my couple of hairs I didn’t get to wax. The bellies are flat, not aged dried out but firm and tense, nothing happened to us, nothing ever happened to us in this god forsaken place.

The girls lie on each other’s bellies, empty and barren, bent like seven fetuses. Each girl’s round head is laid on one girl’s flat belly at the belly button, at the origin of lives which have been just briefly connected with the promises of new worlds and new lives. Sometimes one caresses the other’s hair. Sometimes they still interrupt each other. After this scene there is nothing, after this scene there is no future.

THE END

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A NOTE BY THE AUTHOR There are no boys or parents or teachers or health professionals in the play, save for their written dialogues. The play comprises girls’ monologues, save for written dialogues and stage directions. One should not expect from it the truth which Mr. N.B., the National Reproductive Health Coordinator of the Republika Srpska suitably summarized in the sentence: “We had a case of elementary school students from a small town leave for a school trip that lasted some five days, and when they returned, after some time, it turned out that as many as seven students got pregnant during the trip.” ( )- denotes dialogues which are, in most cases, integrated into monologues in indirect speech, however, as a director will most probably want to stage the idle girls’ conversations, I use this sign at times to leave such a possibility. The text in italics are stage directions. The following text sources, visual and video materials were used in the play: 1. Foucault, Michel, The History of Sexuality, Volume 1, Pantheon books, New York, 1978.

2. Vilenica, Ana (ed.), Postajanje majkom u vreme neoliberalnog kapitalizma, uz)bu))na))), Beograd, 2013.

3. Edelman, Lee, No future, Queer Theory and the Death Drive, Duke University Press, London, 2004.

4. Power, Nina, One-Dimensional Woman, Zero Books, Washington, 2009.

5. Časopis OK, broj 284, rujan 2015.

6. Video blog Bethany Mota: https://www.youtube.com/user/ Macbarbie07 7. Social network: https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/ teengirl/ 8. Interview with Michel Foucault, The danger of child sexuality, https://www.ipce.info/ipceweb/Library/danger.htm

A few years back, a daily published an article on the state of youth reproductive health in Bosnia and Herzegovina. In it, a gynecologist mentioned the case of seven thirteen-year-old girls getting pregnant during a school trip. He used it as an illustration of the poor if at all existent sexual education for teenagers. The news soon spread escalating into a scandal. All the media reported on it, both regional and international, such as Deutsche Welle. In addition to the general public, the story was also discussed by organizations in BiH addressing youth issues.

As is often the case, there was an especially intensive discussion in the cyber space where people, protected by their anonymity, expressed various opinions. This aspect was the one to draw most attention from the already renowned author who reacts to social phenomena and consequences that characterize our transitional society. Speaking about the text, the author says: “For me, the most striking were the comments posted online.

These were comments by female readers such as: “Wtf, parents are not informed?”, “Right, how did they manage to make their own children!”, “The parents are to be blamed” and “I don’t understand the young ones today – when I was 13, my priorities were school, walks with my friends, sex I only saw on TV. Do these kids have brains???”, and male readers such as: “These little whores should learn to stop spreading their legs.” It was entirely clear from these comments that the girls were treated as a collective and blamed as one, together with their families, while the boys were taken as individuals and exempted from the whole case, despite the fact that they have obviously been its participants.”

Tanja Šljivar took the title of the play from the popular HBO series “Girls” created by Lena Dunham and it is a comment a girl posted after she received a medical report stating she has HPV. Another value of the play is that Tanja Šljivar chose to have all female characters, by which she attempted to give voice to those girls who do not have it in the Bosnian public sphere.

She attempted to give voice to girls from small Bosnian towns;

invisible, absent, neglected girls who communicate only among themselves through video blogs, Facebook, Skype and Instagram. Boys, teachers, parents and medical professionals appear in the text only sporadically, in brief online updates or short offensive and indifferent comments sent to girls.

This aspect is also important because texts with women lead characters are rare, and the publication of this play will enrich the selection with a piece that, unlike majority of plays, prefers women’s roles.

In any case, Tanja Šljivar and her new text undoubtedly represent work not only worthy of supporting, but one that is missing and needed by the society!

Nihad Kreševljaković

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Tanja Ĺ ljivar is a playwright born in 1988 in Banja Luka, SFR Yugoslavia. She holds both BA and MA degrees in dramaturgy at the Faculty of Drama Arts in Belgrade, as well as an MA degree in Applied Theater Studies in Giessen, Germany. She is the author of six full length plays, published in theater magazines and various anthologies and staged and publicly read in professional theaters in Bosnia and Herzegovina (Bosnian National Theatre Zenica), Serbia (Atelje 212), Croatia, Poland, Austria, Spain, Albania and Germany (Deutsches Theater Berlin, Schauspielhaus Stuttgart, Theater Dortmund). She also writes short stories, radio plays, screenplays and theater-theory texts.

She won several awards for her playwriting, most recently the prestigious Sterija Award, MESS Market Award, and was nominated for the Retzhofer Dramapreis in Austria. Her plays have been translated into a dozen of languages and she has been a guest of writing residencies in Graz, Vienna and Prishtina.

------------------------------------------------CIP - Katalogizacija u publikaciji Nacionalna i univerzitetska biblioteka Bosne i Hercegovine, Sarajevo 821.163.4(497.6)-2 ŠLJIVAR, Tanja Kao i sve slobodne djevojke / Tanja Šljivar ; [prevoditeljica Aida Spahić]. Sarajevo : Međunarodni teatarski festival - Scena MESS, 2019.

- 47, 49 str. ; 21 cm.

- (Biblioteka MESS) Nasl. str. prištampanog prijevoda: All adventurous women do.

- Tekst na bos. i engl. jeziku štampan u međusobno obrnutim smjerovima.

ISBN 978-9958-506-18-5 COBISS.BH-ID 27629574 -----------------------------------------------