Finding a place to gather Holding a Space to Gather as we honour both our grief and the life of our Loved One, what a challenge this is right now. BY SUE ANNE O’DONNELL
I
could sound like a broken record here. I am not saying anything new when I say, part of how we mourn, how we support those when they are grieving is to reach out, to attend the funeral, shake hands, hug, bring food or offer some words we hope convey our sympathy, our love and show we are here for those left behind. This past year we cannot do what we have naturally done for generations past. Not only can it cause us to feel helpless, the grieving family and friends can experience feeling isolated and alone, almost forgotten. When a loved one dies we can feel raw, lost in unfamiliar territory unsure of what to do, yet knowing we want to honour our deceased in a way that is fitting, respectful, love filled and truly reflects the person they were. Currently the grieving family find they are faced with arranging a Funeral, Anniversary or Memorial (if they are, dare I say lucky enough to be
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allowed to hold an Anniversary or Memorial ceremony) far from the traditions we have followed for years. Traditions we are familiar with and felt supported by. Traditions where the family are involved in the funeral. However no longer can family and friends be involved in readings, prayers nor singing. As for the sharing of memories during the ceremony or placing items which hold a special memory on the coffin this too has had to be stopped. Where allowed in the past we could carry our Loved Ones coffin (from personal experience I know how important this can be as part of our grieving) this too is removed from the ritual of our funerals for now. As Celebrants and Funeral Directors we are familiar with the tension, the under-currents that simply can on occasion be part of the life of the grieving family, and which now unfortunately are increased due to the decisions that must be made now as a result of
restrictions; such as, who from the family can and cannot attend the funeral. There is no denying how challenging our roles have become, we want to be supportive to those grieving while also following all guidelines. It is new to us too and so we continually learn ways with which we can offer support enabling us to meet the needs of the grieving family and friends. I am someone who looks at life and says ‘ok, so this is how it is!’. Let me be clear, in no way does this mean I like how it is, however it is how it is and I have learned it is always better to ask myself, ‘what are my choices now, what can I do?’ While also believing life presented me with experiences so that I could discover that I have a gift. A gift as a Holistic Civil Celebrant I can share with the grieving in their darkest hours- I can hold a space for those in grief. With so many changes these past months, I explored choices open to me, what
