Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine July 2013 by Christopher Quimby

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MIDCOAST EDITION

FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

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BIZ

by DAVE BLAZEK OFF THE MARK

by MARK PARISI

Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

CAPTION CONTEST

2013

Congratulations to last issue’s winner, Nancy Matthews, 66, of Camden, who submitted the following caption to last issue’s contest: “What’s he scared of? We just needed a door for our cave!” Send your best caption to this week’s contest to: chris@nachotree.com and type “Caption Contest” in the subject line. The winning captions will be published in the next issue with the winner’s name, age and city with permission. Void where prohibited.

Spring is a great time to get out and support our local businesses, run by our neighbors and friends.

Shop & Dine Local They depend on us for our business and we depend on them. They are the backbone of a vital, sustainable local economy.

Shop Thoughtfully. Shop Locally. 2 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

by MASTROIANNI AND HART

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TUNDRA

by CHAD CARPENTER

FACT OR FICTION?

*Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason. *Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head. *Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning “containing arsenic.” EEK!

by SCOTT NICKEL Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

print & digital design Chris & Heather Quimby chris@nachotree.com | heather@nachotree.com www.funnies-extra-maine.com 91 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks, Maine 04921 (Chris) 207.557.3251 (Heather) 207.557.3261 Office Hours: Monday - Friday, 9-5 Eastern Time Deadlines: Thurs during prior week of Wed circulation

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The views and opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher, advertisers or employees of NachoTree Print & Digital Design. NachoTree Print & Digital Design is not responsible for any advertising errors beyond the first printing of any Display Ad. Additional contributor information can be found on the website URL’s above. Contents of this publication may not be reproduced or copied without permission from Funnies Extra, LLC. © 2012 Funnies Extra!, LLC. All rights reserved.

VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 3

by TIM THOMSON

HARA KIWI

by LECTRR

by BRIAN MARTIN STRANGER THINGS

IMAGINE THAT

Answers can be found online at

ANSWERS AT: www.funnies-extra.com/puzzles.php

Answers to last month’s puzzle

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4 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

by TOM GAMMILL Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

THE DOOZIES

FRANK AND STEINWAY

FACT OR FICTION?

*Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under his cap to keep him cool. He changed it every 2 innings. *Almonds are a member of the peach family. * All porcupines float in water. by DANIEL COLLINS

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VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 5

WORD FIND BY MIA VONNE

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6 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

Garden DINGERS

FUTURE SHOCK

by JIM & PAT McGREAL Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Celebrating the people who grow stuff and the stuff they grow.

by CAMPBELL & SCHOTSCH

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VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 7

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8 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

THE OTHER COAST

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by SCOTT LINCOLN Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

xtra! is a free, full-color 16-page ed with funnies and puzzles. We editions, one serving Waldo and unties and one in the Greater rewer region. Thousands of copies Extra! are distributed monthly to ers, coffee shops, restaurants, auto ps, hospitals, physiciansâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; offices, ctices, etc. The content in Funnies eals to consumers of all ages. Take of this unique and fun way to reach your communities and beyond with ge of your business and enjoy peat discounts and great savings for yment!

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VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 9

A Message from the Publisher Guy Chris Quimby is a husband, father, and publisher of Funnies Extra in Maine. A graphic designer and standup comedian, Chris has over ten years experience in the print industry. Chris and his wife, Heather, are excited to offer Funnies Extra to Maine, offering a fun and attractive departure from the norm. Chris can be reached at chris@chrisQuimby.com or facebook.com/ChrisQuimby

Am I A Moron? by Chris Quimby

(This column was originally written in 2006.) Sometimes I feel like a moron, but people tell me I’m fine. Sometimes I feel fine, but people tell me I’m a moron. I’m not sure whose opinion I should trust. I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life researching this important topic. I began collecting data this morning and the early score is: MORON: 1 NOT MORON: 0 I know I shouldn’t be too alarmed. This contest has just begun, but you should know that I am quite concerned that, if the season ended today, I would be scientifically classified as a moron, putting to rest any chance of not being a moron, which is what I would prefer. Perhaps I should explain how moron jumped to an early lead: I was in my bedroom doing

pushups when the mother of one of my daughter’s friends arrived to drop off her daughter. I came out to get a drink of water while she spoke to my wife in the living room. Now, just to clarify, architects often refer to the living room as the great room, but I think that’s moronic. I don’t think they should be able to make value judgments about various rooms. In fact, my living room is not that great at all. If I were going to call anything a “great room” it would be my bedroom. Truthfully, my bedroom is nothing to write home about, but my bed is in it. I sleep in my bed. Sleeping is wonderful. I did a bunch of it just last night, but, as you will soon learn, perhaps not quite enough. The woman speaking to my wife looked in my direction, referred to me by name, gave her name and said that it was nice to meet me. I have been forcing myself of late, when meeting others, to look them in the eyes and give them a firm handshake. I immediately made my way

towards her to charm her with my calculated people skills. When I was only six inches from this woman, while looking her in the eyes and with my right hand fully extended into classic handshaking form, my big toe on my bare right foot gripped the carpet, folded up under my foot and sent me immediately to the ground. My eyes that were previously directed at hers were now pointed to the ground, which was now much closer to my head than it was just one second before. My hand that was just extended into impressive handshaking shape now grabbed onto my big, idiot toe. When I dared to look up, my wife had her hand over her mouth, possibly to express sympathy after my accident, but probably just to suppress her laughter. The lady I was attempting to impress seemed overwhelmed by the situation. How do you prepare yourself for something like this? What’s the correct thing to say? I quickly got back up, said, “Now let’s try this again.” I hid my pain behind a smiling face

10 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

Swanville, ME (207)338-4586 www.mooressepticinc.com

and shook her hand as I told her that it was nice to meet her. I have learned in standup comedy that if you have a strong opening and conclusion that people usually forget the stuff in the middle. Unfortunately, this was not standup comedy. It wasn’t even standing up. And just to express how seriously screwed up my mind has become of late, I need to tell you that my ultimate concern was not whether my toe was broken or with my dorky attempt at hospitality. I was relieved to have finally found a topic for this humor column. If my readers are to learn anything from this embarrassing situation it is that each one of you should start writing your own humor column. Then, whenever you do something moronic, you will immediately benefit from it. Plus, I can read about it and feel better about the stupid things that I do. Hey! That’s a pretty great idea! MORON: 1 NOT MORON: 1

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FACT OR FICTION? *Ben and Jerry’s send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo. *Dolphins sleep with one eye open. *”Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.” by DANIEL BORIS Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 11

CRIME-QUIZ

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THIN LINES

by Randy Glasbergen

ÂŠ 2011 Werner Wejp-Olsen / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 13

Funnies Extra! will feature at least four straight issues of comic strips and panels from aspiring, non-syndicated cartoonists. Comic strips or cartoon panels may be published from cartoonists of any age, with a short bio. For submission guidelines and information, go to: www.funnies-extra.com/submissions. Send each furnished strip as a PDF file along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 5 to 10 color submissions to: submissions@funnies-extra.com and type “Spotlight” in the subject line. Good luck and have fun! (participation void where prohibited) by MARK SIMON Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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POCKET LINT

by CHUCK DOWNS

Haikus amuse me But sometimes can confuse me Refrigerator I always find random things in my pockets at the end of the day: paper clips, gum wrappers, dry cleaning receipts and the ever-present lint. These drawings are what’s left in my head when the day is done: the random “pocket lint” of my brain.

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14 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

Chuck Downs is a carbon-based form of cartoonist who lives in Florida with his wife and two children. By day, he is vice president of marketing for a company that clearly does not conduct very thorough background checks. By night, he fights crime. Now that he is older, his experience only walks the gamut for fear of pulling a hamstring. He often “misuses” quotation marks, and likes to frequently split his infinitives.

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also... ACROSS 1. Daisy like bloom 6. Bygone era 10. Doing nothing 14. Rental agreement 15. Matured 16. Mangle 17. Collection of maps 18. Formally surrender 19. Rumple 20. Shield 22. Initial wager 23. Bran source 24. Shabby 26. In a forward direction 30. Sudden burst 32. Crystal-lined rock 33. A guest cabin 37. Space 38. Without company 39. Hawkeye State 40. Gift 42. Stares 43. Poverty-stricken 44. Assault sexually 45. Extraterrestrial 47. Average 48. Blockhead 49. Astounded 56. Hindu princess 57. Razzes 58. France’s longest river 59. Chocolate cookie 60. Stringed instrument 61. Move forward suddenly 62. Small slender gull 63. Hearing organs 64. Eagerness DOWN 1. Wings 2. Collections 3. After-bath powder 4. Brother of Jacob 5. Repair 6. Luxury boat 7. Curved molding 8. Start over

9. Without teeth 10. Extraneous 11. Intimidate 12. Vigorously passionate 13. If not 21. Knave 25. Consumed food 26. Monster 27. A noble gas 28. Comes from trees 29. Rebuke 30. Obdurate 31. Breathe hard 33. Sleigh 34. Exude 35. Is endebted to 36. Spar 38. Willing to comply 41. Tiny 42. Big ape 44. Adult male 45. Cognizant 46. A protective covering 47. Models 48. Gait faster than a walk 50. Kind of bean 51. Unit of pressure 52. Not sweet 53. Posterior 54. Therefore 55. Bambi was one

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SPECTICKLES

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Answers to last month’s crossword

Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 15

SPEED BUMP

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LOOSE PARTS

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CHUCKLE BROS by BRIAN & RON BOYCHUCK

through the teen We empower boys and girls from grade school that centers on years and from various backgrounds with the truth works with all the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our summer camp staff of life in cabin s issue campers on their level in discussing important kers encourage devotional times and our high quality guest spea ons happening and motivate our young people during chapel sessi e and beyond who daily. We challenge the young people from Main tually, socially, spiri enter our doors as summer campers to become nsible leaders, mentally, and physically healthy and to become respo hy relationships. with creative thinking, self-motivation, and healt

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16 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

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