Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine May 2013 by Christopher Quimby

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FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

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BIZ

by DAVE BLAZEK OFF THE MARK

by MARK PARISI

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CAPTION CONTEST

Congratulations to last issue’s winner, Greg Bingham, who submitted the following caption to last issue’s contest: “Hey, Pal! This river is closed to fly fishing.” Send your best caption to this week’s contest to: chris@nachotree.com and type “Caption Contest” in the subject line. The winning captions will be published in the next issue with the winner’s name, age and city with permission. Void where prohibited.

Spring is a great time to get out and support our local businesses, run by our neighbors and friends.

Shop & Dine Local They depend on us for our business and we depend on them. They are the backbone of a vital, sustainable local economy.

Shop Thoughtfully. Shop Locally. 2 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

by MASTROIANNI AND HART

TUNDRA

by CHAD CARPENTER

FACT OR FICTION?

*To escape the grip of a crocodile’s jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs --it will let you go instantly. *The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. EEK!

by SCOTT NICKEL Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

print & digital design Chris & Heather Quimby chris@nachotree.com | heather@nachotree.com www.funnies-extra-maine.com 91 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks, Maine 04921 (Chris) 207.557.3251 (Heather) 207.557.3261 Office Hours: Monday - Friday, 9-5 Eastern Time Deadlines: Thurs during prior week of Wed circulation

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VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 3

by BRIAN MARTIN STRANGER THINGS

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IMAGINE THAT

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Answers can be found online at Answers to last month’s puzzle

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Reserve your spot no later than JUNE 1st, 2013 For registration details or more info, contact Tristan Starbird at (207)680-0527 or tristan.starbird@gmail.com

4 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

FAIR HAVEN CAMPS 81 W. Fair Haven Lane, Brooks, ME 04921

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6 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

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Garden DINGERS

by JIM & PAT McGREAL Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Celebrating the people who grow stuff and the stuff they grow.

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VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 7

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8 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

THE OTHER COAST

by ADRIAN RAESIDE

unnies Extra! is a free, full-color 16-page abloid filled with funnies and puzzles. We ave two editions, one serving Waldo and Knox Counties and one in the Greater angor/ Brewer region. Thousands of copies f Funnies Extra! are distributed monthly to otels, diners, coffee shops, restaurants, auto epair shops, hospitals, physiciansâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; offices, ental practices, etc. The content in Funnies xtra! appeals to consumers of all ages. Take dvantage of this unique and fun way to reach itizens in your communities and beyond with he message of your business and enjoy xcellent repeat discounts and great savings for p-front payment!

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by BRIAN CRANE

Print & Digital Design Extra

| Sales Manager eather@nachotree.com

VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 9

A Message from the Publisher Guy Chris Quimby is a husband, father, and publisher of Funnies Extra in Maine. A graphic designer and standup comedian, Chris has over ten years experience in the print industry. Chris and his wife, Heather, are excited to offer Funnies Extra to Maine, offering a fun and attractive departure from the norm. Chris can be reached at chris@chrisQuimby.com or facebook.com/ChrisQuimby

Horse Tales by Chris Quimby Like many young girls, my daughter loves horses. I, on the other hand, am quite afraid of them (horses). My daughter has taken horse lessons at Fair Haven Camps for years, congregating with other females around her age and learning how to handle, clean up after and ride the beasts. It is an amazing sight to observe small children leading around animals that could crush them if they wished. It is even more humbling to be the father of one of those children, who innocently arrives to pick up his daughter, but then is encouraged to stick around in the barn, s u r rounde d

by about ten of the livestock. They are all fastened in their stalls by rope, but I always keep a safe distance to protect myself from falling excrement or getting kicked to death.

to persuade to clean her room. It was interesting that, although indirectly, she defied the natural power structure of our relationship by leading her own father around, using the horse as a gobetween in the effort.

It’s hard to gain or maintain respect from my daughter when I am scared of something she’s so comfortable around. I believe kids look at their parents as being able to do or know most anything. Unfortunately, there are too many occasions during which we prove otherwise.

I’ve learned a great deal about the animals without even trying, for my daughter liberally offers large amounts of horse trivia. Even now, as I write this, she’s informing me that the average horse produces about ten gallons of saliva per day.

I do not, however, want cowardice to be my legacy.

That’s quite interesting and very gross.

That is why, a couple of years ago on my birthday, I caved into relentless pressure from my daughter to actually put my body on top of one of these animals and let it walk around with me on its back. I was not comfortable, but it meant a lot to Emma and I wanted to show her I love her by doing something that was important to her.

She’s also recently told me the explanation of some horse-related sayings, such as “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Swanville, ME (207)338-4586 www.mooressepticinc.com with the bathwater. The suggestion is always superfluous, since I already have a strict rule to never throw babies under any condition. But perhaps such instructions would be good to give to horses. After all, they oftentimes carry my baby girl (OK, she’s 13, but still my baby girl) on their backs with the ability, if they chose, to throw and kick her as often as they want, with or without bathwater. Or saliva, as it were.

The only helmet available that would fit my large melon was pink, a little too effeminate of a color for me, but probably appropriate given how girlishly I accepted the challenge. All went well and I did not fall off. The entire time, the horse was led around by my daughter, the powerful specimen taking orders from a girl I’ve tried for years

It’s surprising to me how often I let people get away with saying things to me that I don’t understand. I have been cautioned numerous times to not look into a gift horse’s mouth, but I’ve never even had the opportunity, since nobody has yet gifted me with a horse. Apparently, the way to determine a horse’s age is by inspecting its teeth. The message of the saying, then, is to accept a horse as a gift without worrying about its age. It has a better ring to it than “don’t worry about the age of that horse present.” But that’s just my opinion. I’ve also been a tad amused when people instruct me not to throw out the baby

207.557.3251 | nachotree.com 10 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

But one thing I’m sure of, is that we will never own our own horse. Despite impassioned and frequent attempts to persuade me otherwise, I have no desire to provide room and board for a high-volume spit producer that makes me look stupid around my kids. And it cannot be cheap to feed a horse. I’m already regrouping since my children became teenagers, attempting to find a way to keep food in the house while it’s being eaten at such a staggering rate. To add to this expense the purchase of hundreds of pounds of oats and hay would send me to the poor house. So I will continue letting Emma take lessons. She will be able to spend time with the creatures she loves so much. And I will stay safely at home, where the chances of being violently kicked are reduced dramatically, and where I still maintain some sense of dominance and respectability. Unless anybody happens to be home.

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VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 11

CRIME-QUIZ

by WERNER WEJP-OLSEN

THIN LINES

by Randy Glasbergen

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12 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

WELCOME SPRING! Potting soils, cedar mulches, & peat moss in stock Rubber boots for mud season in stock Lots of new merchandise arriving almost daily Single roll toilet tissue - 59¢ each or 2 for $1 Minute instant white rice - 14 oz for $1 Gift Certificates & Layaway Always Available Open Mon-Sat 9:30 - 5; Sun 9:30-4 6 miles from Belfast

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VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 13

Funnies Extra! will feature at least four straight issues of comic strips and panels from aspiring, non-syndicated cartoonists. Comic strips or cartoon panels may be published from cartoonists of any age, with a short bio. For submission guidelines and information, go to: www.funnies-extra.com/submissions. Send each furnished strip as a PDF file along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 5 to 10 color submissions to: submissions@funnies-extra.com and type “Spotlight” in the subject line. Good luck and have fun! (participation void where prohibited) by MARK SIMON

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We are more than flip flops!

POCKET LINT

by CHUCK DOWNS

CHUCK DOWNS Cartoonist Haikus amuse me But sometimes can confuse me Refrigerator I always find random things in my pockets at the end of the day: paper clips, gum wrappers, dry cleaning receipts and the ever-present lint. These drawings are what’s left in my head when the day is done: the random “pocket lint” of my brain.

Come see our new styles for spring! COLBURN SHOE STORE | 338.1934 Downtown Belfast | Open Every Day! | Downtown Belfast www.ColburnShoe.com | Like us on Facebook

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14 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

Chuck Downs is a carbon-based form of cartoonist who lives in Florida with his wife and two children. By day, he is vice president of marketing for a company that clearly does not conduct very thorough background checks. By night, he fights crime. Now that he is older, his experience only walks the gamut for fear of pulling a hamstring. He often “misuses” quotation marks, and likes to frequently split his infinitives.

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also... 8. Supposedly ACROSS 9. Downwind 1. Goon 10. The far east 5. Kingly 10. Not closed 11. Governmental 12. Biblical garden 14. Lasso 13. Following 15. Banish 18. Accumulate 16. Was a passenger 22. A temple (archaic) 17. Unappeasable 19. Holly 24. Sell 26. Anger 20. An uncle 28. Award 21. Donnybrook 29. Infiltrator 22. Deceptive maneuver 30. Modify 23. Handmaid 31. Not right 25. Allow 32. Chills and fever 27. Eastern Standard Time 33. Militarist 28. During the intervening time 31. Yards of grass 34. Extremely funny 37. Arid 34. Row of shrubs 38. Disable 35. Atlantic food fish 40. Fishing poles 36. Quaint outburst 41. Vice ___ 37. Move furtively 43. Give delight to 38. French Sudan 44. Boss 39. Pelt 40. Pass-the-baton race 46. Fight with swords 47. Ancient Roman magistrate 41. Hotel employee 42. Time-related 48. Hangman’s knot 49. Mortise and _____ joint 44. Floral necklace 50. God of love 45. Not younger 51. Hindu princess 46. Vinify 53. Immerse briefly into a liquid 50. Sea eagles 52. Notions 56. Enemy 57. Make lace 54. Female deer 55. Indian music Answers to last month’s crossword 56. Basis 58. 1 1 1 1 59. 1/16th of a pound 60. As well 61. “Your majesty” 62. Glacial ridge 63. Adolescent DOWN 1. Attempts 2. French for “Man” 3. Not lower 4. Hair goop 5. New 6. Glorify 7. Scoff at

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SPECTICKLES

by BILL ABBOTT THE DEEP END

by TYSON COLE

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VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 15

SPEED BUMP

by DAVE COVERLY

LOOSE PARTS

by DAVE BLAZEK

CHUCKLE BROS by BRIAN & RON BOYCHUCK

through the teen We empower boys and girls from grade school that centers on years and from various backgrounds with the truth works with all the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our summer camp staff of life in cabin s issue campers on their level in discussing important kers encourage devotional times and our high quality guest spea ons happening and motivate our young people during chapel sessi e and beyond who daily. We challenge the young people from Main tually, socially, spiri enter our doors as summer campers to become nsible leaders, mentally, and physically healthy and to become respo hy relationships. with creative thinking, self-motivation, and healt

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16 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 3 - MAY 2013

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