Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine November 2013 by Christopher Quimby

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FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 2 ED 9 - NOVEMBER 2013 by DAVE COVERLY

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by DAVE BLAZEK OFF THE MARK

by MARK PARISI

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CAPTION CONTEST

2013

Congratulations to last issue’s winner, Nancy Matthews, who submitted the following caption to last issue’s contest: “Norbert, are those do-bees and don’t-bees following us codgers again?” Send your best caption to this week’s contest to: chris@nachotree.com and type “Caption Contest” in the subject line. The winning captions will be published in the next issue with the winner’s name, age and city with permission. Void where prohibited.

There was an error in the crossword puzzle of October’s issue of Funnies Extra. The wrong crossword grid was printed. Below is the correct grid and the reprinted clues. We are sorry for the inconvenience. We hope it did not hurt your brain. Answers on page 15

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ACROSS 1 Stay 5 Disappointed 8 France & Germany river 12 To incite 13 Eagle’s nest 15 U.S. Department of Agriculture 16 Plush 17 Courts 18 Invitation abbreviation 19 Glides across the ice 21 Treatment for a broken bone 23 Taboos 25 Shekel 26 Cart 29 Snip 31 Ship’s caulking 35 Dragged 37 Sonny 39 Asian starling 40 Internal Revenue Service 41 Mocking 44 Often poetically 45 Butterfly’s cousin 47 IBM Competitor 48 Legging 50 Hooter 52 Turkey 54 Dour 55 Clutch 57 Zero 59 Canadian province 62 Dumber 65 House cat 66 Cut off wool 68 Trigonometry 70 Sieve 71 Mousy 72 Greasy 73 Lazily 74 Pooch 75 Bark

DOWN 1 Saloon 2 Wading bird 3 Pier 4 Alcohol 5 Lent 6 Music 7 Expires 8 S American country 9 Association (abbr.) 10 Advertisement (abbr.) 11 Type of music 13 A fox’s hole (2 wds.) 14 Spy 20 Sounds 22 Constellation 24 PC valley 26 Wishes 27 Baseball player Hank __ 28 Enthusiasm 30 Golfer’s goal 32 Japanese city 33 Hungry 34 Nautical “friend” 36 Metric linear unit 38 Dunk 42 Make lace 43 Spice 46 “___ is the best policy” 49 “War and Peace” author 51 Charge 53 He vanished into __ 56 Greatest 58 Pack 59 __ pro quo 60 Defunct football league 61 Fashionable 63 Canal 64 Stream 65 Pressure unit 67 Flightless bird 69 Swindle

Support Maine writers, read local!

by RICHARD CROSS and BILL ABBOTT

KARMA CAFE

Local born (he still proudly calls Lincolnville "home”) writer Tincan Caldwell is pleased to present his first collection of short stories, each one based on one of the classic parables of Jesus.

SENATOR CHUCKWOOD, IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOUR BILL SPELLED OUT HOW MUCH WOOD A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD, WOULDN’T IT?

When asked a question like, "Who is my neighbor?", Jesus often answered with a story. He did this because humans often see themselves in stories better than they do in direct answers. For instance, the universal situation of rescuing someone who is in desperate need on the side of the road somewhere, far from home, resonates with people down through the ages. In Stories for Ears to Hear, Tincan Caldwell puts a modern spin on the parables of Jesus in an attempt to help the reader imagine what the heart of these stories would look like today. In his famous challenge before telling a parable, Jesus would encourage "those with ears to hear" to listen to his tales of prodigal sons, lost coins, victimized travelers on the road, and elaborate parties with no guests. In telling these stories, Jesus brought the sensibilities of heaven to the very real dusty highways and hills of his homeland.

info@karma-cafe.net

by CHAD CARPENTER

TUNDRA

In reimagining these classic parables (the parable of the good Samaritan set against the backdrop of the 9/11 tragedy, the parable of the unmerciful servant moved to a struggling record store, the parable of the talents reimagined in the world of a network reality show), Caldwell challenges readers to re-examine how heaven wants to invade the everyday stuff of life, like roads, parties, wayward sons, and the foundations we build our lives upon. That makes for a great story any day. Available in hardcover, soft cover or Kindle edition on Amazon.com and making its way into bookstores near you soon.

FACT OR FICTION?

*ENIAC, the first electronic computer, appeared 50 years ago. The original ENIAC was about 80 feet long, weighed 30 tons, had 17,000 tubes. By comparison, a desktop computer today can store a million times more information than an ENIAC, and is 50,000 times faster. by SCOTT NICKEL

EEK!

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by MIA VONNE Fill in the blank squares so that each row, each column and each 3-by-3 block contain all of the digits 1 thru 9 using logic.

ANSWERS AT: www.funnies-extra.com/puzzles.php

Last Issue’s Solution:

Visit funnies-extra-maine.com Click the ‘Read Online’ link.

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JUDY BROSSMER judybrossmer@tcreal.com 207.338.3500 x121 (office) ( ffi ) 207.322.3392 (mobile) ( b 207.338.0192 (fax) 800.860.0528 (toll free)

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A Message from the Publisher Guy Chris Quimby is a husband, father, and publisher of Funnies Extra in Maine. A graphic designer and standup comedian, Chris has over ten years experience in the print industry. Chris and his wife, Heather, are excited to offer Funnies Extra to Maine, offering a fun and attractive departure from the norm. Chris can be reached at chris@chrisQuimby.com or facebook.com/ChrisQuimby

A Passion for Laundry by Chris Quimby This morning I had the unmistakable urge to do laundry. Yeah. It sounds strange. I don’t even quite understand it myself. One of my cats woke me up this morning. I don’t know which one it was, but it doesn’t matter. The point is just that they woke me up. It’s not like I can press charges, even though it was at 5:30 am. Boy, if I could only press charges. At this point, many of you are probably assuming I probably kicked my cat in an angered response to waking me up. That is simply not the case, I don’t think. To be honest, though, I don’t remember much about the experience. I guess I’m not even sure it was a cat. I’m basing everything I know on the meow sound I heard. Perhaps it could’ve been my dog. I have a little problem with that theory for two reasons: 1. Dogs normally don’t meow, and

2. I don’t own a dog. After getting up to let the cat outside (and I am using ‘let’ in the traditional sense of the word, which means ‘toss’), I could not go back to sleep. That was when I was overcome with a passionate compulsion to do three loads of laundry. I know. Don’t even ask. I’m still wondering why. I’m at the point now where I can look like a hero for doing laundry just once a year, which is a great position to be in. My wife was still asleep when I began emptying the dirty garments onto the floor. I remember a few things from the old days, like not to mix colors with whites, overfill the washer, or wear white after Labor Day. That’s a pretty comprehensive list of what I know about laundry. Well, it’s actually as ignorant as I wish to be perceived by my wife. If she caught on that I was secretly a laundry prodigy, I would run the risk of gaining back the chore. No, thank you. I think it’s smarter to be stupid than to rifle through other people’s underwear every other day.

I began to sort. It was harder than I remembered. Do yellow washcloths go with the whites or the colors? What is a permanent press? That sounds like an awfully long time to do the press, whatever that is. What exactly is this stain and when did I do it and, oh yeah, these are actually my son’s underwear. Then why am I wearing them? OK. Back to the laundry. This whole separation of whites from colors really bothers me. This country has taken great steps away from segregation since the 1960s. Even though we’re just talking about laundry, I still don’t feel right. Sure, my mother told me years ago that it was necessary to sort clothes in this fashion, but our culture has changed a lot since then. She always feared that a shirt might enter the washer colored white and leave colored pink. I personally believe that, if a white shirt has strong enough convictions about what it really is, it will resist attempts to be changed. I think we do a disservice to laundry when we isolate it into certain groups where we have bathroom linens hang out

Best of the Best 2012 & 2013 - Cleaning Services

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Swanville, ME (207)338-4586 www.mooressepticinc.com with only other bathroom linens, socks with socks, and so forth. Inspiration came upon me like a Tide (with bleach). I decided to break convention and put the laundry into small discussion groups where they could learn from each other’s differences. Each group had 3 socks, 2 washcloths, 1 shirt or pair of pants, 2 items of underwear and 1 towel. The math didn’t work out perfectly, though, so I had to put a good deal of the dirty items back into the hamper. After sectioning off each of the discussion groups for about 30 minutes, I decided to bring them all together for a larger question and answer session. We laughed. We cried. Most of all, though, we learned. It seemed hasty to conclude such a productive meeting by just throwing the clothes in the washer. These items had a lot to share with the other dirty items. Sensing a great opportunity, I put them all back into the hamper. I think they were ready to affect that culture in some very exciting ways. And I went back to sleep.

“whatever happened to the gutless wonder who swept me off my feet?”

FACT OR FICTION?

*Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-Decimal category. *The first person selected as the Time Magazine Man of the Year - Charles Lindbergh in 1927. by DANIEL BORIS Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

HOXWINDER HALL

by ROBERT DUCKETT

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by WERNER WEJP-OLSEN

CRIME-QUIZ

THIN LINES

by Randy Glasbergen

ÂŠ 2011 Werner Wejp-Olsen / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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Funnies Extra! will shine the Spotlight on â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;toons from aspiring cartoonists and pay them, too! Comic strips and panels will be published from cartoonists of any age along with a pic and short bio.

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Send each strip as a PDF file, 300 dpi, CMYK, along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 10 color submissions to: submissions@funnies-extra.com and type â&#x20AC;&#x153;Spotlightâ&#x20AC;? in the subject line. Good luck! (Participation void where prohibited) FILM @ ELEVEN

by GEOFF HASSING

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Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been a professional cartoonist for more than twenty-three years, a member of the National Cartoonists Society and Vice-Chair for the Northwest Chapter. He has written and drawn everything from comic strips, comic books, humorous illustrations, childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s books illustrations, video games, role playing games illustrations and cave drawing.

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FORTUNE STREET by RANDY McILWAINE

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14 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 9 - NOVEMBER 2013

Randy McIlwaineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cartoon panel, Fortune St., is an offbeat look at a world populated by superheroes, gods and demons, alien life, movie monsters and average Joes. Randyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s twisted sense of humor has been amusing audiences for more than twenty years. His cartoons have been featured in publications throughout the world and can be found on a wide variety of products such as greeting cards, t-shirts, calendars and mugs. In addition to Fortune St., Randy produces a weekly hunting cartoon for BigGameHunt.net. For more on Fortune St. and Randy McIlwaine, visit him online at www.fortune-st-cartoons.com.

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SPECTICKLES

by BILL ABBOTT THE DEEP END

by TYSON COLE

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10 Small furniture wheel ACROSS 11 Support 1 Canned meats 12 Times by three 6 Sham 14 Title of respect 10 Slice 21 Jabs 13 Pineapple (German) 23 Snag 15 Exhort 24 Capital of Vanuatu 16 Spr.. month 25 Egg-shaped 17 Make it yourself pizza brand 27 Poem 18 Short-nosed dogs 29 Owns 19 Slide on snow 30 Branch 20 Planet 31 Foot part 22 Awkward step 33 France and Belgium, anciently 24 Nullify 34 Tinted 26 Very large book 36 Bye 28 Carol 37 Pursuit 29 Bee’s home 38 Part of speech 30 Madame 39 Crave 31 Shrew 40 Shrill bark 32 Wing 42 Farm credit administration 33 Tease (abbr.) 34 That woman 44 Type of paint 35 Curtsies 45 Jerks 37 Regal 46 Did penitence 41 Alter 47 Helping 42 Peat 48 Cycle 43 French “yes” 50 Board game 44 Electronic communication 51 Shoe strings 47 Did well 53 Thick carpet 48 Point 55 Snack 49 Remark 58 Constellation 50 Slant 60 Bullfight cheer 51 Fuzz 61 Scarlet 52 Evoked 62 Sober 54 Rip 56 Day of wk. 57 Call a cab Answers to last month’s crossword 59 Agreement 63 Vane direction 64 Green Gables dweller 65 Bank worker 66 Drug 67 __ girl 68 Run down DOWN 1 Check 2 Spanish “one” 3 Nail 4 Absence of values 5 Slaw 6 Eat 7 Trashy 8 Agricultural student 9 What children make

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by MASTROIANNI AND HART

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Belfast!

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